A Tangible Dichotomy
by PerfectlyPersuasive
Summary: Not everything makes sense to us at first, but sometimes, the paradoxes in life are exactly what we never knew we needed. When Jasper and Edward are thrown together, into a dorm room no less, who are they to deny the twisted logic of fate? AH/Slash.
1. Edward & the Urinator

**Welcome!! I am so excited about this new story of mine. This is a long multi-chaptered Edward and Jasper fic that deals with growing up, learning who you are, friendship and love. Our two boys are in college, so they can have a potty mouth. There will be lots of swearing, shennanigans, laughter and slashtastic lemons on the horizon. ;)**

**Big thanks to Alisha (Mombailey) and Sarah (PhoenixRising25) because they are awesome. Their encouragement for this little story spurs me on, and I really appreciate it. **

**I don't own Twilight, but I really wish I did.**

* * *

Looking down the half pipe, I feel as though I'm going to jump out of my skin. This is really high, like where the hell is my parachute high. What the fuck am I doing up here? I don't even skateboard. With the roar of the crowd ringing in my ears, I raise my eyes, taking in the fans and cameras, chanting my name, captivated by my every breath. Shit.

"You can do this, Edward," I mumble under my breath. "Don't be a pussy."

I put my board down, balancing it vicariously on the edge of the giant ramp, teetering between success and failure. God, I'm going to piss my pants.

My name, screamed by thousands, somehow infiltrates my ears even up here on the fucking Space Needle of skateboard ramps, pushing me further, building me up.

God, here goes nothing. As I take that final movement, leaning forward to plunge to greatness or broken legs, something jostles me from behind, hurtling me toward the hard wooden bottom.

"NO!" I wake up with a gasp, disoriented and afraid, sitting up brusquely in my bed. My heart is beating uncontrollably and my breath is haggard, coming out in sharp pants. Just a dream. It was a just a dream. Fucking skateboards.

In my peripheral vision, I sense movements in the dark, so I turn my head.

"What the hell are you doing?" I yell out, startling him. I quickly throw back the covers and turn on the lamp beside my bed, lighting the scene of the crime.

"Oh, Edward," he starts, stuffing himself back into his pants.

"Did you just piss in the sink?" I interrupt, emphasizing my question with an incredulous glare, daring him to lie to me.

"Yes," he answers, turning back to look at me with those wide, unblinking eyes.

Sighing, I pinch the bridge of my nose in disgusted frustration. "Do you mean to tell me," I begin, shaking my head in disbelief, "that instead of walking forty feet down the fucking hall to use the toilet, you decided to whip your dick out and piss in the sink in our room, the sink we BOTH use, where I brush my teeth?"

"You know, Edward, cursing is very unbecoming," he says, talking down to me in his nasally tone. "I really don't see what that big deal is." He shrugs, and I clench my fists to stop myself from punching him in the goddamn throat. "Urine is sterile."

"Urine is sterile," I repeat through gritted teeth, furrowing my brow.

"Some people even drink their own urine," he continues with a smile. The image runs through my mind. Thank god, I don't have much of a gag reflex.

I am about to murder his ass, just chop him up with a butter knife. If I plead extreme annoyance, how much time behind bars would I have to do? I think I saw that episode of _Law & Order_, and the blonde chick got them out of jail time, right?

"Listen, Eric," I say, trying to keep calm because I swear it's like talking to a brick wall. "Please don't pee in the sink. I would appreciate it if you used the bathroom down the hall. Also, even though urine is sterile, could you clean the sink with some Clorox or something?"

"Don't get your panties in a twist," he guffaws like a fucking donkey, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight out, like he just ran his nails over a chalkboard. Cringing, I watch as he just gets in his bed and goes back to sleep.

I stare at him for a few minutes because this has got to be some kind of joke, some hidden prank show or something. I'm just waiting for Ashton Kutcher to jump out of the closet, and he's not going to like it when I punch him in the balls.

"Fucking Eric," I mutter under my breath as I drag my tired ass out of bed. I grab the spray cleaner from under the sink and then completely cover every surface with it, hopefully killing all of Eric's piss germs.

I contemplate dipping his fingers in warm water, letting him pee on a surface that is all his, but he probably wouldn't even notice, making the room stink like piss until I washed his sheets. I close my eyes tight, praying for sleep, but one thought keeps running through my mind.

_I can't fucking live like this anymore. _

All too soon, my alarm clock invades my dream, irritating me until I crack open one of my eyes. Reaching over to make it stop blaring at me, I look around the room.

He's awake.

I'm tempted to just turn over and pretend to sleep until he leaves, avoiding him completely, but I have class in thirty minutes. I sit up, stretching my arms over my head and yawning, but I keep my back to him. I can feel his eyes on me the entire time, so I reluctantly get out of bed and face him.

He's sitting on his bed in his Transformers pajamas, legs crossed, working on a model airplane. He just LOVES model airplanes. There are about thirty of them hanging from the ceiling on his side of the room.

"Good morning, Edward," he greets in a sing-song voice. He stops painting to stare at me until I leave the room. It's kind of become our thing. I had no say in that decision.

"Morning," I mumble as I grab my shower kit and robe, slipping on my flip flops.

"Off to take a shower?" He questions with a manic smile and blink less stare.

"Obviously," I whisper to myself, giving him a nod in answer.

I hightail it down the hall toward the bathroom, sighing in relief once I am behind the curtain and the warm water is beating down on my head.

With the water soothing away some of the tension I seem to continuously carry in my shoulders and back, an Eric muscle cramp if you will, I let my mind think back over my first few months at college.

I was so excited about starting college this past fall, alone and on the other side of the country. I didn't give a second thought to checking potluck on my dorm application and having the university choose a roommate for me. I figured that I would just end up with a guy like me, friendly but no friends at UW. It was someone's job to make the best possible matches, right? I mean, at the least, all we had to do as roommates was just respect each other and our personal space and get through this year. Damn, I even thought we could be friends.

Of course, that was before I actually moved in and met him.

_Eric._

An involuntary shudder runs through my body at just the thought of his name. God, he is a creepy motherfucker. The moment he arrived, he put his face about three inches from mine, exclaiming that we were going to be best friends. I backed away, hoping he would pick up on my nonverbal clues to get out of my personal space. He just watched me with a wide grin as I positioned myself on the other side of the room, his brown eyes following my every movement.

He is just so strange. I suppose I have lived a somewhat sheltered life, so dealing with a guy like Eric is an entirely new experience for me. I was born and raised in Wilmington, Illinois, a small town about an hour outside of Chicago. Now, there may not have been a lot of variety when it comes to the people I grew up around, but I have always considered myself to be rather liberal. My parents raised both my sister Alice and I to respect everyone, no matter their race, class or gender. I like to think I have a pretty open mind, and I gave Eric the benefit of the doubt, over and over and over and over again.

I kept thinking that maybe he's just nervous about being far away from home for the first time, so being the nice guy that I am, I decided to grant him a little leeway. He just seems to grow weirder as time goes on, though, and I officially ran out of leeway about a week after school started.

Shit, I can deal with the dorky way he dresses – the same Pokemon t-shirt every damn day, the Crocs and the Lee blue jean shorts that hit about five inches above his knee -- because I don't have to hang out with guy outside of the dorm. It is the way he constantly watches every move I make, the motherfucking bongos and the Abba music that makes me want to rip my hair out.

Not to mention the weird phone conversations he has every night with his mother. I ran out of the room in shock the first time I heard him talking to her. Listen, I am all for familial bonds, but when you say you wish your mother was there to kiss your lips, it's disgusting. So, on top of everything else, his Oedipus tendencies had me teetering on the ledge for a while now.

The pissing in the sink incident of last night just officially pushed me over.

***~E~***

After class, I grab a coffee to perk me up since my sleep was interrupted so heinously last night, and I hightail it toward the Administration buildings. After asking fifteen people, I locate the Housing Office, sign-in and wait to be called on.

"Edward Cullen."

Smiling at the older lady in the flowered pantsuit who called my name, I grab my backpack and hop up quickly, following her into her office and taking a seat in the hard, plastic chair.

"What can I help you with?" She asks unenthusiastically.

"I would like to switch to a single room," I reply as cheerily as possible.

Without glancing at me, she slides a piece of paper across the desk. "Fill this out, give it to the receptionist outside, and we will put you on the waiting list. There might be an opening at the end of the semester. Have a nice day."

"I can't wait that long!" I insist, sliding the paper back across the desk. "Please, Mrs...." I pause glancing down at her name tag. "Ms. Googenhurt." I don't even laugh at her name which is a direct reflection of how serious I am about this. "If I have to stay in my current room, I can't be held responsible for my actions."

She finally looks at me, her drawn on arched brow raised with question.

"What exactly are you saying, Mr. Cullen," she responds in an irritated tone. "Are you threatening bodily harm on your roommate? Do I need to bring the police into this matter?"

"Of course not," I plead, giving her the saddest face I can muster on the whim.

She still looks unswayed, forcing me to bring out the Cullen pout. I didn't want to have to sink to this level.

Her eyes flicker to my bottom lip, but she just shakes her head with a sigh. Damn. She takes out a Sam's Club sized bottle of hand sanitizer and practically bathes in it, switching on the figurative light bulb above my head.

"Ms. Googenhurt, last night," I start with a small intake of breath, covering my mouth with one hand and clutching my heart with the other, "I woke up to find him urinating in our sink."

At this, her eyes grow wide with shock. "Oh my," she gasps with actual feeling, and I jump up and down on the inside with excitement.

"I am just in shock," I continue with a shaky voice. I really should have gone into theater or something. This shit is gold. "I'm scared for my health living in that environment, Ms. Googenhurt."

"You poor boy," she sighs sympathetically. That's right, Googie; I have you eating right out of my hand. She gets up, moving rather slowly toward the door, her polyester clad legs rubbing together noisily with each step. Shutting it quietly, she heads back to her chair. It takes about fifteen minutes, but she finally opens her mouth to speak through heavy breath.

"Alright, Mr. Cullen," she wheezes. "I think I can help you. There are no single rooms available, but I can switch you into a different dorm with a new roommate."

I nod eagerly. "That's great. Thank you so much. This means the world to me. How soon?"

"You can move this weekend," she responds with a yellow toothed smile before she turns to the computer. She starts tapping furiously, really pounding away on those poor keys. After what seems like an eternity, the printer behind her shoots out a couple of papers, and she looks back at me.

"Alright, Mr. Cullen," she says, grabbing the paperwork and stapling it together. "Your new room is located in Mercer Hall. You can move in this weekend. You will need to turn in your keys to your RA, and then register and get your key and fob from a RA in your new dorms today before five."

I take the papers from her hand, resisting the urge to just snatch them and run. "Thank you so much, Ms. Googenhurt. I am forever in your debt."

She raises her hand, dismissing my words of gratitude. "Just stay clean," she says with a smile.

With that, I am out the door, practically skipping across campus back to the room like a motherfucking girl, ecstatic and giddy. Yeah, giddy.

***~E~***

It's funny how Sunday always seems to roll around so quickly even when you really don't have anything to do. Not this weekend, though. This weekend, I packed and moved all my shit across campus to my new dorm. That may not sound like much, but when you don't have a car, moving everything you own to the other fucking side of campus, really wears a guy down. Luckily, Eric went home this weekend for his cat's birthday, so he won't even know I'm leaving. I'll let the RA share the good news.

Finally settled and relaxed on my freshly made bed, my stomach rumbles, and I can't ignore the call. It's like that giant talking Venus Flytrap in that movie my dad forced me to watch over the summer... _Feed Me, Edward. Feed Me_. Glancing at my watch, I see that it's only six o'clock which is not very late, so I consider my options. I could make Easy Mac or Ramen in the dorm, or grab something on campus. It's Sunday which means food on campus is limited, but it is probably worth the risk. A guy can't live on noodles alone.

I grab my coat and backpack and head for the door, hoping that they have something good in the caf. As usual, since it's the weekend, the cafeteria is pretty dead. There's pizza, though, so I'm happy. I grab a plate and a booth, taking out a short story for my English class tomorrow, making up for the fact that I'm sitting alone.

After stuffing my face with the pepperoni goodness and taking a mental note to hit the gym, I make my way across campus slowly, casually rambling down the shrub encased sidewalks, taking my time to get back to Mercer Hall, my new dorm. My stomach flutters uncomfortably because my new roommate might be in the room now. I shouldn't be nervous about this situation, but after Eric, I think I have the right to some reservations.

My new roommate was out all weekend, so I had the room to myself. I should say that I left his side alone, but I would be lying if I said I didn't snoop around his shit just a little. He seems like a normal guy, thank god, a history major from the titles of his books, but I'm not even hoping for friendship with him. Shit, mutual avoidance would be just fine with me after the freakshow I just escaped.

My phone buzzes annoyingly in my pocket, so I grab it and let out an involuntary groan at the name on the Caller ID.

"Talk to me," I answer obnoxiously just to annoy her. It's what older brother's do best.

"_Do you have to answer the phone like that?_" She screeches. "_You have no manners!!_"

"Oh, I have excellent manners," I respond in a suave tone. "I just don't see the reason I should waste them on you."

"_Whatever_," she mutters. "_Dad said you got a new roommate. What is he like? He has to be better than Eric. I can't imagine having to live with someone like that! I told you were stupid for going potluck. It would have been better to live alone. Well, I guess as long as this guy doesn't sniff your stinky socks, right?_" She blurts everything out so quickly that I have no chance to reply. With Alice as a sister, it can be hard to get a word in edge wise.

"_Well, why are you being so quiet?_" She asks indignantly. "_What's his name at least?_"

"I don't know his name," I sigh into the phone, already exhausted from talking to her.

"_He's your roommate, Eddie. How do you not know his name?_"

I roll my eyes at her sarcastic tone. This phone call has already lasted about ten minutes too long, and we have only been talking for three.

"First of all, don't call me Eddie, and well, it's the middle of the semester, this was all last minute and he was out all weekend," I answer her smugly. "Do you know the name of strangers?"

"_Always._"

"Yeah, that's you, Alice. Not everyone has to have control over every little thing in their life."

"_Oh, give me a break, Edward,_" she snorts. "_Don't give me any bullshit about control. If something is not going you're way, you freak out like a little girl._"

"Bullshit? Really?" I tease. "Do you kiss your father with that mouth?"

"_Ewww_," she moans. "_Why do you have to make everything so gross?_"

"I suppose it's just a talent of mine," I boast jokingly. "As much as I enjoy talking to you little sister, is there something specific that you needed?"

"_Yeah, Dad wanted me to ask if it would be alright if I visited you next month for a few days,_" she chirps into the phone.

"Why?" I question suspiciously.

"_Can't I just want to visit my brother?"_ She asks in an obviously fake dejected voice. Please, I know it takes a lot more than that to piss off Alice.

"Why?" I repeat in a slow voice, dragging it out.

"_I am a senior now. I could want to go to school there!_" She exclaims with a huff.

"Sure," I state. "You want to move to a city where it rains 5 days out of 7. That is going to do wonders for your hair."

"_You're one to talk, Edward,_" she scowls into the phone. "_You have more hair products than I do to __make sure you have that I-just-rolled-out-of-bed-and-don't-care-about-my-hair-but-it-actually-took-like-two-hours-to-make-it-look-like-this-because-I'm-a-total-tool look_," she sneered in one breath.

I roll my eyes again but don't fight her. It's just not worth it. "Just tell me the real reason, Alice?" I plead.

"_Dad has a medical conference out of state, and he doesn't trust me alone at the house_," she replies, finally giving in. She can be so freaking stubborn.

"Don't you have school?"

"_It's the week of Thanksgiving break, and since you only have Thursday and Friday off, he wants me to come visit you on Saturday. Then, we can fly back together!_" She exclaims. I can picture her bouncing around the room, clapping her hands together with this statement. Alice has too much energy for her own good.

"I'll still have class on those three days, so you might have to entertain yourself," I mutter, hoping to discourage her.

"_Hello?_" She asks in a way that has been perfected by teenage girls the world over. "_Seattle has some fantastic shopping. I'm sure I can handle some time on my own._"

"Fine." I respond a little too sharply.

"_Don't sound too excited about it, jeez, Edward_," she replies in a hurt voice. Damn it.

"No, Ali, come on," I sweet talk into the phone. "It's gonna be great. We'll have a good time. I'll ask Bella if you can stay in her dorm with her at night, so you don't have to crash in the guy's dorm."

"_Really?_" She asks, sounding disappointed. "_I was kind of looking forward to the unisex bathrooms._"

"Damn it, Alice! Don't say shit like that to me," I growl.

"_Okay, okay, I'll stay in the girl's dorm,_" she says through laughter before letting out a gasp. "_Wait! Who's Bella? Is she your girlfriend?!?_"

I run my fingers through my hair, tugging lightly to take my mind off the frustrating pixie five states away. "No," I answer gruffly. "She's in my English class. She's become a good friend. You'll like her."

"_Do __**you**__ like her_?" She asks in a high voice, giggling into the receiver.

"I'm hanging up now, Alice."

"_Fine. I'll talk to you later. Love you_," she squeals into the phone.

"Yeah, yeah, you too, and pass that on to dad," I return her sentiments. Alice may get on my nerves, but it doesn't mean I don't love her. It may sound lame to tell your sister that, but when you have been through a loss like we have, you don't take your family for granted.

I flip the phone closed and shove it in my pocket. I take out my new fob and waive it in front of the censor, unlocking the main door. My new room is on the fourth floor, and to help work off the fourth slice of pepperoni, I take the stairs.

Walking down the hallway, I am suddenly in a fantastic mood simply because the realization hits me once more that I no longer live with Eric, and what a fucking amazing thing that is. To compliment my mood, I decide to leave some notes on the dry erase boards on the doors of a few of the guys on my new floor.

For Rick and Tom, I write: Tom, I fucked your girlfriend.

Bobby and Adam get: Adam – Bobby teabags you at night.

And, for la pièce _de_ résistance, River and Moses will enjoy: I pooped in your cornflakes.

Ah, the joys of being a 19 year old male with a little too much free time. I know this is immature and not very original, but it can be erased easily. Besides, it's all in good fun. Anyway, who names their kid River or Moses?

I pause on the outside of room, taking a deep breath to help steel my nerves. I cross my fingers with one hand and put the key in the lock with the other. I turn the knob and open the door, keeping my eyes on the ground until it shuts behind me with a defining bang. There is no going back.

"Hello," a voice calls out from the other side of the room, and I reluctantly lift my eyes. Taking in my new roommate, I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding. He looks pretty fucking normal to me. I can hear the angels weeping in relief.

He stands, walking toward me with a small smile on his face. He's a little taller than my 6'1, and he seems to have a little more definition than me. I don't think I could take him in a fight. He has a vest on which is not my style, but he seems like a pretty average guy.

I give him a close lipped smile in return and extend my hand which he willingly shakes. I can tell he has quite a grip, but he doesn't use full force on my hand which I appreciate. I really hate that bone crushing handshake that some guys give.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen, and that's my shit," I joke, pointing at my new bed and desk.

"Yeah, I was wondering who that belonged to," he replies with a laugh. "Jasper Whitlock, nice to meet you."

"You, too," I agree. "You don't build model airplanes, do you?" I ask with bated breath.

"Umm... no," he answers in a confused tone, furrowing his brows together.

"Great," I respond enthusiastically. "I think we're going to get along just fine, Jasper."

"I take it your last roommate was a strange one," he says with a chuckle.

"You have no idea."

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**So, one chapter down. :) I will be rotating between Edward and Jasper each chapter. I hope you are ready for Jasper! **

**A review gets you a sneak peek for ch. 2. I'll make it good. **

**Review, Please. Awesome. Thanks!**


	2. Jasper & the Cockblock

**Well, what is this? Two chapters in one week?!? After this chapter, I will be posting on Thursdays. I wanted to get you both Edward and Jasper POVs, so you know what the tone of this story will feel like. **

**Big thanks to all of you who reviewed, read, put ATD on alert or your faves. It means a lot that you are interested enough to commit to a story in its first chapter. So, THANKS!!! Also, thank you to Mombailey and Phoenix Rising25 who looked over this for me. :) **

**There are some ugly and hateful homosexual slurs in this chapter. They do not reflect my feelings at all, and I apologize if it offends anyone. **

**Twilight? Not mine. Do I have to keep saying that?**

* * *

Squinting my eyes at the book, I try to comprehend what I'm reading, but it's all starting to look like Chinese. How the hell am I supposed to know the allegorical implications in the works of Flannery O'Connor? I knew I was making a mistake when I decided to minor in English. Writing is just such a huge part of my major, that I, or more likely my adviser, thought it would be a fantastic choice to supplement my History degree. I enjoy reading, and I'm good at bullshitting. So, I thought – what the hell? I definitely shouldn't be taking this senior level Southern Lit class as a sophomore, though. It seemed a lot better than Shakespeare or Advanced Grammar, so here I am, deciphering journals at ten-thirty on a Wednesday.

Growling in defeat, I decide to try my hand at some online research. It is just so much easier to browse journals in the computer lab than it is in the fucking catacombs of the library, digging through one over analyzed paper after another. I grab my backpack, tucking the water bottle into the side compartment, and head toward the elevator. Hopefully, there won't be a wait in the lab given the time, but then again, you never know. I've seen that place packed at three in the morning on a Saturday. Granted, that was during final's week.

When the doors ding open, I take a preliminary glance around the room, checking open computers and seeing if I know anyone. It's pretty empty, but as I roam the room with my eyes, I find someone I wish I did know. Fuck, he's hot, and all I have to go on is his profile. There is something about his olive skin and sloping nose and sharp jaw that just draws me in, mesmerizing me. I find a computer that has both a fantastic view of him, and at the same time, keeps me out of his direct eye line. I don't want him to pick up on my stalker tendencies if he's not into another dude eye fucking him.

As though he can feel me watching him, he lifts his head and immediately turns his eyes in my direction. I'm pretty reserved when it comes to my sexuality, my outward image, unless it is one of the rare nights I actually go out to the gay clubs. It's not my style to approach guys on campus, and I shock myself by winking flirtatiously at him when our eyes meet above the monitors.

At my actions, his dark eyes flash as he raises those thick, masculine brows that frame his face perfectly. He smirks at me before parting his mouth to peek his tongue out and run it along his full lower lip. Fucking panting for more, my pants tighten into a noticeable bulge. Thankfully, my erection is hidden under the desk. I don't really want to give the girl two seats down from me any unwanted ideas. He returns my wink, and I can see his shoulders shaking from his silent laughter as he turns back to his computer. Swallowing down the saliva that embarrassingly enough gathered during his teasing, I quickly drop my eyes back to my monitor, failing miserably to keep my mind on my research.

With JSTOR open and running, I type in Flannery O'Connor and allegories, grimacing at the 56 pages that pop up on the screen. This is going to take forever. I open the first link and start reading.

"Your place or mine?" A whispered question rings in my ear about five minutes later, and I fight down a moan as his warm breath washes over my skin, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight out.

"Mine," I confirm, since my roommate is spending the night at his fraternity, doing God knows what. Logging out of the system, I quickly throw my backpack over my shoulder and follow him to the elevator. There is a small girl with blond hair between us in the enclosed space, and we stare at each other above her head, remaining silent, letting the air fill with sexual tension and desire. When the door opens, she scrambles out, and I hold out my arm, offering to let him go first.

"You live in the dorms?" he asks as soon as the door to the library slides closed behind us. I turn my head to take him in, letting me eyes travel up and down his frame, unblocked by a computer desk or a tiny person. He's about five ten, a good five inches shorter than me, with a thick, muscular build and a beautiful ass. I can't wait to bury my cock in it.

In all honesty, it's been far too long since I've had a release that I didn't give myself. Now, I have a lot of affection for Jude Law, otherwise known as my right hand, but sometimes it just doesn't quite cut it. As much as I hate one-night stands, I just can't help myself when I get that itch I can't quite reach by myself.

"Yeah, I'm in Mercer," I finally reply as I start to walk. Impatiently, I quicken my pace and he follows suit until we are practically speed walking across campus. Suddenly I stop, and he crashes into the back of me, unintentionally pushing his hard dick into my jean covered ass.

"Is that all for me?" I question with a smile, reaching around to palm him outside his clothes. He seems to be packing some definite heat.

He moans as he lightly bucks his hips into my hands. "Yes, it's all for you..." He pauses.

"Jasper," I state, turning to face him and pulling him into the shadows of the trees. "And, you are?" I ask with a purr before I take his earlobe into my mouth.

"D-Demetri," he stutters, trembling beneath my hands. I grab his hips, pulling his groin to mine, slowly working our covered cocks together as I move my lips toward his mouth.

"You like that?" I tease, pushing into him harder, and he groans, nodding his head in agreement.

I crash my lips to his, loving the way his full mouth practically envelops mine, swallowing me all up. The kiss is urgent and frantic, and when he groans into my mouth, I don't wait for permission to ram my tongue into his parted lips. He accepts it with a moan, flicking his against mine as I continue to grind our rock hard cocks together.

I break the kiss, gasping for breath, and he moves his lips down my neck, sucking my Adam's apple into his mouth. "That feels so good, Demetri," I growl out, moving my hands into his dark hair, before I gently push him back, separating his lips from my skin. "I need you in my bed. I don't want anyone to interrupt us." With that, I turn from him and head toward my dorm with Demetri right behind me.

Once the door is locked behind us, I spin him around, pushing him flat against the wall as I grind our erections together. I lean in roughly, kissing him hard before opening our mouths wide and letting our tongues flick together. I pull back, taking in a much needed pull of oxygen as Demetri moves his lips down my neck, unbuttoning my shirt at the same time.

I grab the hem of his t-shirt, yanking it up to get his attention, and he separates his mouth from my torso, lifting his arms in acquiesce. With both hands on his face, I bring his lips back to mine. Our chests rub together perfectly, the hard planes of his body stretched against mine. I roam my hand over his back, enjoying the soft skin pulled tight over his defined muscles.

While his tongue further explores my mouth, I walk our connected figures slowly over to the bed, collapsing with him sitting astride my lap. I moan as he kisses down my neck, licking and nipping at my sensitive skin. He takes my nipple into his mouth, biting it gently then loving it with his tongue. As one hand works my other nipple into a hardened pebble, the other begins to unbutton my jeans, slowly torturing me. Moving to the end of the bed, he fists his hands into the denim, tugging my pants completely off with a seemingly flick of his wrist.

"I want to see you," I beg wantonly, propping myself up on one elbow as I reach for his belt buckle. His strong hands push me away, and I flop back on to the bed. Smirking, he stands, unbuckling and unsnapping and then finally removing his jeans completely. Demetri's thick cock is straining against his tight, red boxer briefs, pulling the already tight fabric taut over his dick, outlining it perfectly. I want to see it, touch it, taste it.

"All of you," I command, biting my bottom lip to silence my ragged breathing. Following my demand, Demetri releases his fully erect dick for my viewing pleasure. It's not as thick as mine, but it is long and hard, the purple head already dripping precum, and my dick stiffens by just the thought of taking him into my mouth. "I can't wait to have my lips around your beautiful cock," I growl as he straddles me once more, his cock twitching with my words.

"Me first," he demands, pulling my boxers down to my ankles, letting my dick flop against my stomach, dripping precum into my navel. "God, you are so hot, Jasper," he groans into my ear, and I buck my hips into his. Wasting no time, he situates himself below me on his knees and reaches for my dick. After a few strokes with his hand, he leans down, his hot breath ghosting around my shaft, and I tense in preparation for his mouth. With his tongue flat, he licks up the length of my cock before taking the head into his mouth. I keep my eyes trained on him as he sucks hard on the tip, enticing an actual growl from my mouth, and I roll my hips with each swipe of his tongue.

"Fuck," I moan as he takes my cock deeper down his throat, sucking with just the right amount of pressure. God, this boy has got a mouth on him. Lacing my fingers into his glossy black hair, I take control of the rhythm of his head. "That's right, Demetri, take it all," I groan as I hit the back of his throat. He whimpers around my cock, enticing a round of expletives to fall from my lips. Alternating between hard sucks and teasing flicks of his tongue, he works me up into a frenzy, and I am so close to just cumming down his throat. I relax, closing my eyes to concentrate on something else beside the velvety feel of his tongue. I have plans to fuck tonight, and those plans require my cock to be nice and hard.

"Shit!" I exclaim as he flattens his tongue, licking up the underside of my cock, and my body tenses beneath his ministrations. He kisses the tip and then slips the head back in between his glorious lips. "I can't wait to fuck you," I grunt out as I slowly thrust my dick into his mouth. "You want that, baby, don't you? You want my hard cock buried inside your tight little ass?" He answers my questions with a delicious hum of agreement, the vibrations tingling through my shaft.

"WHAT THE FUCK?" A voice yells out from the other side of the room, and I whip my head up to find my roommate Mike, looking fucking pissed as he runs his hair through his blond, spiked hair. Demetri opens his mouth in shock, my cock slipping from his lips, and I quickly cover us up with my comforter.

"Sorry, dude," I mutter through my embarrassment. "I should have put a sock on the door or something."

"Shut the fuck up," Mike snaps, and I unconsciously ball my hands into tight fists, but with a deep breath to calm myself down, I unclench them, hoping that he follows my lead and chills out.

"Listen, Mike," I start with hopefully a friendly smile. "It is really not a big deal..."

"Not a big deal?" he interrupts, questioning me with a hateful scoff. He starts to pace the room furiously, and I am beginning to worry this is going to turn violent. The asshole better back the fuck off, though. I am not in the mood for this shit.

"Umm... I should go," Demetri mumbles uncomfortably as Mike continues to shoot murderous glares in our direction.

"Yeah," I agree. "Sorry about this." I pull up my boxers that are around my ankles as he quickly throws on his jeans and shirt and flies out the door.

"Is there something you need to tell me, Jasper?" Mike asks condescendingly. His normally innocent looking baby face is warped into a murderous scowl. He has no reason to be so angry over this.

"I think you already know the answer," I reply through gritted teeth. The bastard is really starting to piss me off.

"I can't fucking believe you." He sneers, his tone disgusted.

"What the fuck is it to you?" I question angrily, glaring at him through slitted eyes. "How does my sexuality have anything to do with you?"

"Because, I can't fucking live with a _fagot_," he replies, stressing the slur, grinning at me menacingly.

I jump off the bed before I even realizing what I'm doing, pinning Mike to the wall behind him with my forearm pressed hard across his neck and shoulders. "Fuck you, Mike," I spit out, my tone laced with danger. My actions shock me, and I release my hold on him, disappointed with myself for losing control.

"You'd like that wouldn't you," he taunts me, pushing me further than he should. "Fucking fairy."

"You think I have any interest in you?" I scoff, rolling my eyes. "I thought we were fucking friends, but right now, I have never been more disgusted in another human being." I state in a flat voice, calming myself by concentrating on my breathing. I can't give into my emotions when they are filled with such rage. I won't let this close minded asshat break me. I made a pact with myself years ago that I fully intend to keep.

He just stands there with his back still against the wall, daring for me to punch him, but fuck him. There is already enough hate in the world already. He's proof enough of that.

"Is that all you got, queer?" he questions harshly.

"No part of you is even worth it," I reply evenly as I get back into bed. Closing my eyes, I can hear him still moving around the room, probably itching to continue this asinine argument, but ignoring someone can be just as insulting as using your fists. Mike better learn to appreciate that I can control my temper. It's not in my nature.

Sooner than I think possible, I fall asleep, and my dreams drift between Demetri's lips on my cock and my fist in Mike's face. I can't decide which one is more enjoyable. I wake in the morning, surprisingly refreshed, and I sit up, stretching my arms above my head with a yawn.

The first thing I notice is Mike's still sleeping, but he's fully dressed, on top of the blanket with his hands covering his junk. I roll my eyes at his stupidity and grab my stuff before I head down to the shower. As the water trickles on the top of my hair, my mind wanders over two things. One – I hate these fucking showers and their lack of water pressure. Two – What the hell am I going to do about Mike Newton, roommate, douche bag, bigot extraordinaire?

I should have just gotten an apartment this year like I considered, but NO, I moved my stupid ass back into the dorms for sophomore year. Then, because I am a chicken shit who has not come out of the closet, I decided to gamble on potluck again instead of living with one of my friends. So, now I am stuck with Mike Newton, affectionately known to his fraternity brothers as "The Newtonator." That is the honest truth, the painfully retarded, honest truth.

Up until last night, everything was fine between us. He kept his side of the room clean, he knew when to be quiet, and I even considered him to be one of my friends. I mean, we didn't exactly run in the same circle, but he was a good guy to grab dinner with.

I should have known something like this would happen because when it comes down to my homosexuality and roommates, nothing, for me at least, has been easy. Last year, I got stuck in the dorms with Tyler Crowley, an ultra conservative, card toting NRA member. Unfortunately for me, he fucking talked in his sleep. I kid you not, the guy had wet dreams about Sarah Palin. It was the things that would come out of his mouth when he was awake, the shit he actually believed, that shocked me. Anytime I would speak up on an issue, though, he'd let me know the multiple ways I was completely wrong, and then repeatedly ram his ideas down my throat.

When I told him I fully supported gay marriage, he fucking lectured me for a month about the abomination that is "the gay". The gay is sinful. The gay is sick. The gay is going to Hell. The gay is evil, and so on and so on. I seriously considered taping his mouth shut one evening, but I didn't have any tape. The next morning, I ran to Lowes, and for the rest of the year I kept a roll of duct tape in my desk drawer for the moment I actually worked up the nerve to wield it as a weapon.

Needless to say, for the entirety of my freshmen year, I hid the fact that I was "the gay" that he feared so much. Numerous times when Tyler was spewing nonsensical bullshit left and right, I came close to just laying down some hard truths on him, but I never did. He still invites me to his Young Republican meetings on Facebook. I should just defriend him.

It's easy for me to use the Tylers and Mikes of the world as an excuse to keep my sexuality a secret. I know I shouldn't, but I'm scared of the hate from others. Not because of what they might do, but because I know what I'm capable of doing in retaliation. I have tried to lock down these violent notions, putting up a barb wired electric fences between myself and others, but what if, somehow, it escapes, and the monster in my genes breaks free. It would destroy me.

I take my time washing my body, cleansing myself of all the nastiness of last night. I'm a pacifist at heart because I have to be, and I refuse to raise my fists in anger. I'm not sure how much point blank hostility I can handle before I snap, though, and I sincerely hope Mike Newton learns how to keep his derogatory opinions to himself.

Thankfully, he's not in the room when I get back, so I get dressed for class in peace, leisurely picking out what I want to wear today. Since I do live in Seattle, it's most likely going to rain at some point today, so I just grab a pair of jeans, my black boots and a long sleeved waffle tee. A glance at the clock gets me moving a little faster, and five minutes later, I grab my backpack and am out the door.

On my way to first class, Theory and Ideology of Political Science, I concentrate on what I remember from the assigned reading for today's lecture. That way my thoughts won't wander to infuriating roommates or my serious case of blue balls. I have to remain focused in this class, anyway. The midterm is coming up, and I know for a fact that the professor is no joke. Seriously, on the first day of class Dr. Anderson said it wasn't uncommon for students to receive a 5 on a test, a fucking 5, as in 5% F. That just won't do. I have got to keep my scholarship, or it's community college for me.

After class, I head back to the library to finish my research that got so happily interrupted yesterday. A quick scan around the computer lab confirms no one of interest, so I sit down and quietly get to work. For an hour I read over documents, finding quotes and snippets to fit into my paper. With a glance at my watch, I log out and pick up the pages I printed from the attendant. After a brisk walk across campus. I settle myself into my chair for my next class and take out my binder and pen. Not two minutes later, Dr. Green comes in, and we immediately get into a discussion of _A Confederacy of Dunces_. After an hour and a half of notes on grotesque characters in Southern lit, concentrating on Ignatius J. Reilly, we are released with a farewell that rough drafts are due next Tuesday. Light groans and mumbles fill the room as we collectively shuffle into the hall.

Once I am in the fresh air, I pause, going over the options for my next move in my head. Either I could go back to the dorms and risk facing Mike, or I could find something to do to, effectively kiling some time on campus.

It's a no brainer really.

I grab a booth in the back of the cafeteria, unwrapping my turkey sandwich and popping the tab to my root beer. Lifting my sandwich to my mouth, I take my first bite, but I am quickly interrupted by a smack on my back which lodges the half eaten food in my throat.

Coughing and gasping for air, I grasp the table with one hand and cover my mouth with the other in case half chewed food escapes and litters the table.

"Oh, dude, sorry," a voice I immediately recognize as James says from over my shoulder. He begins banging on my upper back with his fist, trying to help, but in all actuality, he's just making things a lot worse.

"Fuck, James," I hiss once I have dislodged the turkey and wheat from my esophagus. "You nearly killed me, man."

"Jeez, Whitlock, don't be such a bitch. You're obviously fine," he replies, sliding into the seat across from me. His hazel eyes look unapologetic, but I don't know why I would expect anything more. James is someone I consider as a friend, but the guy can be such a douche. My heart rate picks up at the thought of my friends finding out about my escapades of last night. Thankfully, none of the guys I hang with are frat guys, but who is to say Mike isn't rapidly spreading the news about my sexuality.

"You're the bitch," I retort, hiding my insecurity and nerves behind a fake smile. "What's up?"

"Not much, just getting some food before class, and I saw you sitting over here by yourself. I didn't expect you to be so _choked up_ by my mere presence," he jokes, popping his shirt front. He chortles at his lame attempt of humor, and I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Funny," I reply in a flat, humorless voice.

"I know, I know. I should be a comedian or something," he sighs, wiping invisible tears of laughter from under his eyes. "You coming to my party this weekend?" He questions, changing the subject. "There's going to be a lot of pussy, my friend."

Great. That's just what I want. "I wish I could, man, but I have to head home this weekend for my sister's birthday." I give him an apologetic smile, and he nods in return.

"It's your loss, dude," he responds as he rises from his seat. "I'll just have to knock out a girl or two in your honor." He starts laughing again, and I force out a small chuckle. James is good looking with his buzzed blond hair and hot body, but with his personality, I don't not see how he gets so many girls. Knowing him, he probably slips shit into their drinks.

"You do that. See ya, man." I lift my fist, and he pounds his knuckles against mine in farewell. After he leaves, I wrap my sandwich back up and take it to go. Fuck Mike. It's my room too, and I feel like watching TV.

When I enter the dorm, my RA Jimmy is manning the front desk, and I stop to say hello. "Jasper, you are just the guy I wanted to see," he says after we shake hands in greeting. Jimmy runs one hand through his green mohawk as he taps the fingertips of his other hand on the desk.

"What's up?" I ask as casually as possible.

"Mike came to me this morning to let me know that he was moving into his fraternity's house," he replies, and I concentrate on his black pinkie nail, trying not to look as guilty as I feel. Shaking my head, I clear those unwanted emotions. I shouldn't be embarrassed of what happened. I look up to find Jimmy watching me, his pierced brow raised in question. "I thought he meant at the end of the semester, but he moved his stuff out today."

Well, that's news to me. "Yeah, he's been waiting for a room to open up for him over there," I mutter as I shrug my shoulders to back up my lie.

"Right," he states in a non committal tone. "Anyway, then I don't know how it happened so quickly, but this afternoon, housing called. You are going to have a new roommate moving in this weekend."

"Really?" I question in disbelief. "That's really fucking fast."

"You can say that again," he sighs in agreement. "Anyway, I just wanted to give you a head's up."

"Thanks, Jimmy. I appreciate it." I turn to leave as my mind mulls over this new information, but I stop when Jimmy calls out my name.

"Jasper, if you ever need someone to talk to, that's what I'm here for. I might understand better than you think." He appears to be genuine, so I nod my answer before I turn back around. What's he trying to say? Did Mike tell him what happened? Does he want me to come out to him?

When I enter my room, I find that Mike has indeed moved all his stuff out, and I don't know if I'm more relieved or pissed. What does he think is going to happen if he continues to live with me? Is he afraid he's going to be gay by association? That he is somehow going to catch my gayness, like some fucking disease?

Sighing in frustration, I slip in my earbuds and select some soothing music on my iPod. Sprawled out on top of my bed, I relax as best as I can. Thank God, I won't be here this weekend when my new roommate moves in. It is going to be awkward enough when I get back on Sunday.

***~J~***

The weekend passes quickly with Rosalie's birthday festivities Saturday night and the monumental amount of laundry that I have to do during the day. On Sunday afternoon, the entire family which is only my mom, me, Rose and her husband, Emmett, sit down for lunch before I drive back to Seattle.

"So, JJ, has anyone caught your eye at school?" My mom asks the moment we lift our heads after grace, wasting no time to get down to the nitty-gritty conversation. Rosalie turns to me, eagerly awaiting my answer as well. I give her an ugly glare, but she just snickers, staring at me with her ice blue eyes, enjoying my uncomfortable fidgeting.

"No," I start out after I slowly chew and swallow the bite of pork tenderloin in my mouth. "I've been really busy with the start of the semester," I conclude, forking another slice of the other white meat from the platter in the center of the table.

"You would tell me, though, if you were seeing someone, right?" She questions with a smile, and I close my eyes to stop myself from rolling them. I love my mom, I really do, but she doesn't know when to drop a subject.

"There's no need to rush though, sweetie," she murmurs affectionately. "You need a special person, anyway. Not just anyone will do for my baby."

I grant her a tight lipped smile while Emmett coughs to disguise his laughter. A special person? What is she talking about? Also, I know she's trying to be sly, but I think everyone is picking up on the gender neutral terms she keeps using.

"So, Rose, how is school going?" I ask, changing the subject, directing all my attention to my older sister. Rose is getting her bachelor's in business management with plans to open up a garage with Emmett after she graduates. I was worried when she got married so young that she was going to drop out of school. Shows how much I know. She's actually graduating on time, and I'm proud of her for that.

"It's fine, Jasper," she answers in a clipped voice, rolling her eyes at me.

"That's good," I reply, ignoring her less than nice tone. I'm just looking out for her. She doesn't have to cock an attitude.

"Jasper," Emmett interjects in a jovial voice, "Rosie said you were getting a new roommate."

"Yeah, Mike moved into his fraternity, and I guess the university is short on housing. It all happened last week." I answer with a shrug of my shoulders, pretending it is all no big deal.

Appeased by my answer, Emmett nods and drops the subject. Emmett is a nice guy, but at first glance, he's pretty scary. The guy is huge and intimidating, bulging muscles galore, so it took me a long time to warm up to him when they first started dating. I know that Rose can stand up to a lot of men. Physically, she can hold her own when it comes to a lot of things, but If Emmett lost his temper or somehow hurt her, she wouldn't stand a chance. Above all else, it's my job to protect my mom and sister. I'm the man in this family. After about six months though, it was obvious that Emmett really loved Rosalie's rude ass, and he would never hurt her. Now, I'm happy to call him my brother.

"Have you met your new roommate?" My mother questions when she enters the room again with an apple pie. Emmett immediately reaches for a slice, taking a huge bite.

"No," I respond, putting a slice on my plate before Emmett scarfs the whole thing down.

"God, Esme, this is really good," Emmett mumbles through a mouth full of apple and pastry.

She smiles warmly, and I roll my eyes. He could have at least swallowed his food before speaking. "Thank you, Emmett. I made it for Jasper since I know it's his favorite."

I really do have the best mom.

After dinner and a tearful hug from my mother, I pack up the car with clean laundry and hit the interstate. During my three hour drive, I try my best to not think about the unknown guy in my room, most likely going through my stuff. I shouldn't be nervous, but with my track record, I am. I do know one thing, though, no boys in the room. I'm not risking another confrontation like with Mike. I can't risk losing my control.

When I get back to the dorm, the room is empty, but all of his stuff is there. I snoop around, and he seems to be a normal guy. There is no fraternity paraphernalia, no obvious signs that he's an asshole, so hopefully we'll be able to get along.

I turn when I hear the door open. He's standing in the doorway with his eyes to the ground, obviously uncomfortable. I take the opportunity to look him over, and I am not at all disappointed in what I see. He's a couple inches shorter than me, dressed in jeans and a t-shirt which shows off his fit torso. His brown-reddish hair, almost bronze in color, shines under the fluorescent light, and his skin is a milky pale. I haven't seen his face, but from I have seen so far, he's nothing to sneeze at.

"Hello," I call out to get his attention. He lifts his face, and I am momentarily stunned. He is one of the hottest, no beautiful, guys I have ever seen. He has deep green eyes and a strong nose and jaw line. His lips are perfect, full and pouty.

Shit.

I stand and walk toward him to give him a proper hello. I wish I could give him a very _improper_ greeting, but I quickly push that thought aside. He gives me a terse smile as I put my hand out. My skin tingles when he places his hand in mine, and I shake his hand, enjoying that he doesn't try to crush my knuckles in the process.

"Hi, I'm Edward Cullen, and that's my shit," he introduces himself with a joke, pointing at his side of the room.

"Yeah, I was wondering who that belonged to," I laugh. "Jasper Whitlock, nice to meet you."

"You too. You don't build model airplanes, do you?" He asks suddenly. What a weird question. Great, he's not as normal as I thought he was.

"Umm... no."

"Great," he replies with a lot of enthusiasm. "I think we're going to get along just fine, Jasper."

"I take it your last roommate was a strange one." I let out a small laugh. Maybe, his luck has been as bad as mine.

"You have no idea," he sighs.

"Unfortunately, I do," I retort, shaking my head at the memories. Hopefully, Edward and I can get along and this will work. It's going to be quite a challenge, though, keeping my natural reaction to him under wrap since I am already hard as hell. I excuse myself to the bathroom, willing my dick down with thoughts of Perez Hilton in a bikini.

Once I am under control, I head back to the room, giving myself a quick pep talk. _You can handle this, Jasper. You're not some twelve year old boy who just got his first boner. He's just another good lucking guy. There are thousands of them at UW alone. _

I open the door, shutting it softly behind me, and I am granted with the wonderful image of a shirtless Edward, his strong and sinuous back facing me, enticing me over to just run my finger along his spine. I get a quick glimpse of his boxers, red and black checkerboard, before he pulls his plaid sleep pants on completely. He turns around, giving me a small smile, and my dick to twitches in my pants in response.

"I've had a long weekend, so I'm going to get some sleep. I don't mind the light." He climbs into his bed, not ten feet from mine, and settles into the sheets, situating the comforter over his body, leaving his lean arms on the outside of the blanket.

"Alright, good night," I mumble after I pull my jaw off the floor.

"Good night, Jasper," he sighs, closing his eyes, and after a few minutes, he lets sleep take him.

Fuck, I'm screwed.

* * *

**Oh, Jasper. **

**So? What do you think? Please, review and let me know. I swear you might think nobody cares if you review or not, but I fangirl over every one of them. For example, last chapter some of y'all told me HILARIOUS roommate stories. (One involved waking up to find their roommate peeing on the floor!!) Thanks for sharing!!**

**A review gets you a sneak peek into Chapter 3! ;)**


	3. Edward & the Double Date?

**I hope those who reviewed enjoyed their sneak peek into this chapter. It said a lot without saying a lot, and I have no idea if you know what I mean. lol! Thanks to everyone who is reading, reviewing and adding this story to your alert or faves. I love hearing back from you, and I have met some wonderful people just through reviews. ;)**

**I don't own Twilight, but I like playing with Edward and Jasper.**

* * *

"So, do you like your new roommate?"

I turn to Bella who has just taken her seat in the desk next to mine, giving her a small smile in greeting.

"He seems normal," I reply with a shrug. "He was up and out of the room before I even woke up this morning, though. I guess he has an early class."

"What's his name?" She asks quietly, leaning closer toward to hear as the room fills up with students.

"Jasper Whitlock. You ever heard of him?"

She shakes her head. "No, but then again, who have I heard of?" Bella asks with a laugh. "Besides Jane, the princess of darkness, and you, of course."

I chuckle at Bella's description of her roommate. Jane is a tiny girl, barely hitting five feet. She wears only black clothing, normally covered in safety pins for some reason. Her skin is ghostly pale with jet black hair and dark lips. Everything is topped off with about ten facial piercings, but I haven't worked up the nerve to ask if she's pierced any where else. Jane is actually pretty cool, but Bella and her are so different, looks wise, it's a long running joke between the three of us.

Bella giggles, flashing me a smile, and I am happy to return it. I don't know how I would have gotten through the beginning of this year without her. Besides Eric, Bella was one of the first people I met at UW. She's from a small town here in Washington, but she never talks to anyone from her hometown. I assume some of them must go here, but if she doesn't mention them, it's not my place to bring it up.

During orientation over the summer, we just bumped into each other. By bumped, I mean she was not looking where she was going, tripped, fell onto me which caused me to lose my balance and tumble to the ground with Bella landing on top of me. It was a great way to form a friendship.

I have never had a girl as a friend before, besides my sister Alice, but I don't think that really counts. Truth be told, I have never really had a friend before Bella. I keep to myself most of the time, and no one from high school was interesting enough to truly get to know. I was friendly, of course, and I had a lot of acquaintances. I never let anyone really get to know me, though.

"Oh, yeah, how is good old Jane these days? Still sacrificing kittens in the dorm lounge?" I ask with a smirk as I pull out my binder and pen.

"She's good. She actually has a new boyfriend," Bella replies with a smile.

"Oh, yeah? Let me guess – the tortured artist type? Vegan? Anarchist? Son of Satin?"

"No, actually his name is Alec, and he wears bright Polo shirts, khakis and Speery boat shoes," she retorts with a giggle. "He also frat straps his sunglasses and is a member of the College Republicans"

I snort in laughter, covering my mouth with my hand when some of my classmates turn in my direction. "I have got to seem them together. They sound like the _perfect_ pair!" I chortle sarcastically.

"Well, we could always go out as a group," Bella starts as she bites her bottom lip. "Like, we could grab a pizza tomorrow at seven?" Her voice rises in the end, making her statement sound like a question. She lets her long brown hair fall in front of her face as she quickly situates her body toward the front of the room.

"That sounds fun," I whisper in confirmation when the professor enters the room, and she smiles at me before dropping her head to take notes, her hair veiling her face from me.

After another class filled with grammar lessons, our professor dismisses us, and I happily throw my stuff into my backpack, frustrated by the boring hour of my life I'll never get back. We're in college. If you honestly don't know what a direct object is, you seriously need to think about trade school. General Ed classes can be so fucking ridiculous.

"Do you wanna grab something to eat in the Student Center?" I ask Bella as we exit the door.

"I have class after this. I really wish that I could, though," Bella answers apologetically.

"No problem," I reply with a smile. "I'll see you later."

"Tomorrow," Bella calls out, and I turn around. "You'll see me tomorrow."

"I wouldn't miss it for the world," I say, and I really wouldn't. I have to see those two together to believe it. "Just text me with the details, alright?" She nods, and for some reason, has a giant smile on her face. "Okay, well, see ya."

"Bye, Edward."

She turns and leaves, and I follow suit and make my way toward the caf. Gripping the straps of my backpack with both hands, I weave in and out of the students hanging around the outside of the building, chaining their bikes up and chain smoking.

Since I ate pizza last night, once I hit the line, I just grab a turkey and swiss sandwich. With an apple and water completing the meal, I finally take a look around the cafeteria, searching for an empty table. Unfortunately, there is not one, and I hate to sit at a table with strangers. As my eyes scan the room once more, I do notice a hopefully familiar blond head of hair squirreled away in a booth in the far corner.

"Do you mind if I join you?" I ask once I reach the table. It takes him a moment to look at me, and I wait awkwardly next to his booth, silently holding my tray of food. He finally glances at me and nods, so I slide into the seat across from him. He doesn't say anything in way of a greeting, but continually eats his salad before him. I place my tray down, resting my hands beside it, and I wait for him to look up.

It would be rude to not try to get to know your roommate, right? He is just ignoring me, though, acting like I'm not sitting across from him. Did I somehow do something to piss him off? I only spoke briefly with him last night, but I'm pretty sure I wasn't an asshole. I assumed Jasper was a normal guy, but I am seriously beginning to reexamine my feelings on the subject. While all of his concentration is dedicated to the iceberg lettuce and ranch dressing on the table in front of him, I take in his appearance. Jasper is a good looking guy with curly, longer dirty blond hair that falls into his face a little. Maybe he was waiting for someone. I bet he has a girlfriend, or girlfriends. What if she's running late, and he didn't want to awkwardly tell me not to sit down. Should I leave? Should I say something?

"So," I start, drumming my fingers on the linoleum of the table top to break up the deafening silence, "did you have an early class today?"

"Why?" he asks roughly, before shoveling another bite of his salad into his mouth. Shit, I must have pissed him off somehow. Did I leave dirty clothes on our floor? God, maybe I snore, and he didn't get any sleep last night.

"I'm sorry, Jasper, but did I do something to offend you?" I question curiously, crossing my arms over my chest. I frown, waiting for his answer.

He finally looks up, and I am surprised by the hurt in his blue eyes. Whatever I did, I need to fix it.

"No," he replies as he purses his mouth into a grimace. He doesn't offer me anything other than that, so I get up to leave. "Where are you going?" The words rush from his mouth the moment I start to slide out of the booth.

"Obviously, I interrupted your alone time, or maybe you just don't like the fact that I just sat down uninvited. I didn't mean to presume anything. I just thought we could talk since we live together. That's all. Forget I was here," I mumble uncomfortably.

Before I run away in embarrassment, Jasper reaches across the table, placing his hand on my arm to stop me. I turn to glare at him, but he looks apologetic, smiling tentatively at me. I sit back down, raising my eyebrows, waiting for an explanation.

"Edward, listen. I'm sorry I was acting like such a dick just now. I just had a bad morning, and I didn't get much sleep last night, you know? It's just been one of those days, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you. Shit, we just met each other, and I bet you think I'm a huge douche," he rambles as he runs his fingers through his hair. With each pass, the curls fall back into place, haphazardly framing his face but surprisingly enough, none of them look out of place.

"It's cool. We all have those kinda days," I reply, putting my hand up in the air, motioning for him to stop his ass over elbows apology. He nods with a timid smile, but a second later and out of nowhere, his face contorts into a shocked expression. He jerks his hands off my forearm like it was on fire, placing both of his hands in his lap under the table. Wondering why he looks so nervous, I glance down at my arm where his hand rested. I shrug my brows in confusion; because honestly, I didn't even notice he was still touching me.

"Are we good?" His voice is quiet and strained, barely above a whisper. His eyes are locked on the crack in the table that spans out from under his salad bowl. I fidget uneasily in my seat, reacting to the weird tension between us. I know I'm not the best with people I don't know, but he must be even more uncomfortable around strangers than I am.

I suppose it's up to me to fix this, whatever it is.

"Of course," I say with a smile. "So, tell me, Jasper. What's you major?" I ask with a laugh, trying to coax him out of his shell with the most over used college question.

He looks up, a sheepish grin covering his face. "History. What's yours?"

"Biology. I want to be a doctor," I answer proudly. I admire my father, and I can't wait to call myself Dr. Cullen as well. "What do you want to do after you graduate?"

"Well, the dream goal is obtaining my doctorate, and then I'd love to teach at the University level, preferably concentrating on the Civil War." He smiles warmly, finally looking relaxed in my presence, and I let out a silent sigh of relief. The last thing I need or want is another awkward roommate situation.

"Yeah, I noticed your accent. You're just a good ole' boy at heart?" I question, using my best southern accent, which is undeniably terrible.

He lets out a giant chuckle, and I have never seen someone that looks so carefree when they laugh. His entire face just lights up, and I can't help but smile as well. "You could say that," he says with a nod. "I grew up in Texas, a small town outside of Austin. We moved to Portland when I was fifteen, so I have been up here for almost five years. To my ears, my accent has pretty much faded, but it's a lot more prevalent to all you Yankees."

"Yankees, really?" I laugh, shaking my head with amusement. "What? Do you participate in Civil War reenactments as well?"

He immediately looks embarrassed, so I laugh louder. "Good God, you do!"

"Dude, shut the fuck up. I haven't done that in years," he retorts. "And, it's not as lame as it sounds," he adds with shrug.

"If you say so," I sigh, wiping the tears of laughter from under my eyes. "Man, I keep picturing you faking an over the top death in the middle of the battlefield. It's pretty fucking priceless."

"Yeah, yeah. I'm glad you get so much amusement out of making fun of me," he says with a smirk.

"Yeah, me too," I joke. He sighs in mock frustration, but I can see the happiness in his eyes. I have never met someone with such an expressive face. You can tell everything he's feeling by just looking at him. It's intriguing.

"So," I pause, trying to think of another question, but a small body jumps into the booth, practically in Jasper's lap.

"Jazzy!" She exclaims loudly as she throws her arms around his waist, hugging him tight. "I haven't seen you in forever!"

"Hey, Victoria," Jasper greets her as he tries to untangle himself from her embrace. He gives me an apologetic smile, and I shrug in return. He drops his eyes back to the young red head, and she finally lets him go.

"Why weren't you at James' this weekend?" She questions in a scolding tone. "I had something really important I wanted to share with you," she continues, her voice taking on a gravely tone. She runs her finger down his arm, tracing random patterns across his skin. I watch as she lets her other hand rest on Jasper somewhere beneath the table. After a moment, I lift my eyes, finding both of them staring at me. Jasper looks at me, slightly amused, but the moment he glances down at Victoria, it seems as though he wants to hip check her out of the booth and across the caf. She, on the other hand, glances back and forth between Jasper and I before concentrating her eyes on me with what appears to be a mixture of weariness and interest.

"Who's your friend, Jazz?" she asks, glaring at me as she lifts the hand that was on his arm to his shoulder. Yeah, she must be his girlfriend, but I don't why she's giving me such dirty looks. I'm about to ask her what the fuck her problem is. First, Jasper practically shunned me when I sat down. Now, I've got Ginger Bitch staring daggers at me. Did I miss something? I move my arm behind me, pretending to scratch my back, but... no, there's no "be an asshole to me" sign stuck back there.

"This is my new roommate, Edward," he explains to her, before turning to me. "Edward, this is my friend, Victoria."

"What happened to Mike?" She questions, turning her complete attention to Jasper. Yeah, I'd like to know that as well. I wonder if he was as bad as Eric.

"He got a room in Sigma, so he decided to go ahead and move in," Jasper answers with a nonchalant shrug.

"Interesting," she says in a bored tone. "So, Eddie, what year are you?"

"It's Edward," I correct her, "and I'm a freshmen."

"How sweet," she patronizes.

"I know, isn't it?" I retort, mimicking her tone.

Jasper chokes in laughter, quickly covering it with a cough. I've had enough of this girl, so I just pick up my sandwich and take a bite, concentrating on chewing thirty times before swallowing.

"Well, Jasper," Victoria states, sounding irritated. "I have to get to class. You're coming to Maria's Halloween party, right?" She asks as she once again gently rubs his forearm with her fingertips. I stare at her ministrations as I take another bite.

"I'll be there," he answers with a nod, before lifting his eyes to me. "You have a costume already, Edward?" Jasper asks with a smile.

"I don't really have any plans for Halloween," I answer him after I swallow another bite of turkey and swiss.

"Well, you do now. We can hit up Goodwill this weekend to search for some shit to wear."

"Alright, sounds good," I concede, and Jasper grins at me before turning back to his lunch, taking a large bite of salad. He doesn't even look up as Victoria slips out of the booth.

"Bye, Jazz," She says with a fake smile and wave. He lifts his head to give her a nod in farewell, and she turns around with a huff.

"Is that like your ex-girlfriend or something?" I arch my brow in question.

"Hell fucking no," he replies slowly, emphasizing each word.

I smirk at his words before I pop the last bite of my sandwich into my mouth.

***~E~***

"No, that's so damn stupid!" I exclaim loudly as I close the door behind us. I throw my backpack down on the ground beside my desk before I crash onto my bed.

"Give me one reason why?" Jasper implores as he sits backwards in his desk chair, facing me.

"I've got more than one!" I exclaim, holding up my hand to count them off on my fingers. "First of all, you are going to have to wear tattered purple pants. Also, you have to paint your whole body GREEN. Why would you want to go through all that hassle? Not to mention, the Hulk is just stupid to begin with."

"Well, it's not like you're coming up with any ideas," he interjects. Jasper starts to spin absentmindedly in his chair, staring at the ceiling.

I roll my eyes. "I just found out about the party yesterday." I lean back onto the the bed, flipping my feet over my body in the direction of my desk. I roll off the bed, standing and stretching, before getting out what I need to work on my Biology assignment. "Halloween is next weekend, so we can just find something to wear Saturday. It'll be fine," I assure him as I sit down. I crack open my book, rapidly flipping through the pages until I find the one I need.

"It better be. I don't play when it comes to Halloween," Jasper says seriously after a moment.

Shaking my head, I look over at him with a smile. "You are such a loser," I joke.

"Takes one to know one," he retorts.

"Seriously?" I chuckle. "Next, are you going to give me the rubber and glue comeback? Did we some how time warp back to fifth grade?"

"Shut up, dude," he says through his own laughter. "_Takes one to know one_ is classic."

"Classically retarded," I add with a smirk. He rolls his eyes and closes his book with a resounding slam, shaking his head menacingly. If I didn't see the amusement hidden behind his scowl, I'd be a little freaked. I open my eyes wide in mock alarm, and he smiles at me from across the room.

"Whatever," he states and flips open his computer, his shoulders shaking lightly with silent laughter. I turn my attention back to my open book, getting down to the business at hand. I have a paper due Friday that I need to work on, and I can be the worst procrastinator. After about five minutes, though, my eyes are screaming at me as the words blur together into a fuzzy mess. It's like a challenge I just have to compete in, trying to read without my glasses; even though, I know I'll fail everytime. I unzip the front pocket of my backpack and pop open the case, sliding my black, square frames onto my face. As the words finally come into focus, my cell buzzes from my pocket, so I fish it out and flip it open.

**Elvira just got out of class. Meet us at our dorm. 7:30? -B**

I glance at the time, relieved that I still have about an hour before I have to meet Bella.

**Sounds good. See you then. Do you have the Holy Water ready? -E**

I send it with a snicker, and I sit back in my chair. From the corner of my eye, I notice Jasper looking over at me, but by the time I lift my head, he's staring at his computer.

**Got it covered. I stopped up the sink, filled it with water, and the Pope double parked the Popemobile just to bless it for me. -B**

With this text, I can't help but laugh. Bella can be pretty fucking funny when she puts her mind to it. Seriously, she is one of the coolest girls I've ever met.

**LMAO. See you soon. -E**

I close my phone, leaving it next to me on the desk, so I can easily see what time it is. Once again in my peripheral, Jasper seems to be staring at me.

"Have I got a booger hanging out of my nose?" I ask without looking up, subconsciously wiping my face and sniffing. I'd rather him tell me before I leave the dorm.

"Excuse me?" He chokes out. "Are you asking me to check your nose for boogers?"

"No, but you keep looking over at me. Do I have something on my face?" I question, lifting my head to talk to him, circling my face with my hand.

"Umm... glasses," he answers uncomfortably. "You have glasses on your face."

"Wow. You sure are quick," I say with a snort.

"Did you just fuckin' snort?" Jasper asks me with wide eyes filled with mirth.

"No."

"I'm pretty sure you did," he continues in a teasing tone. "I've never heard a dude snort before."

"Man, just shut up," I chuckle. "It slipped out."

"That's what she said," He laughs at his own joke.

"Clever."

"Well, I try," he replies with a smirk before he stretches back in his chair, rubbing his stomach absentmindedly under his shirt. "I'm starving. You wanna grab something to eat?"

"I would, but I already have dinner plans," I reply with a shrug. Tugging my t-shirt off, I get up to root in my closet for a different shirt to wear. When I am in the midst of pulling on a white wife beater, the Fruit of the Loom still covering my face, Jasper asks me a question that throws me for a loop.

"You got a hot date?" Leaning back, I look at him, my body still covered by the open closet door. He's staring at the exact spot I'm standing, and when my head pops out, he diverts his eyes.

"I wouldn't say that?" I conclude, but my voice rises in the end, making it sound life a question.

"Well, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing tonight?" He bites on his pencil, waiting for my answer, and from here, I can see all the bite marks along the yellow painted wood. It must be a nervous trait, and I make a mental to never ask to borrow a pen or pencil from him.

"Umm... my friend Bella invited me to dinner with her roommate and her roommate's new boyfriend," I say, leaning back into the closet, hiding myself behind the door.

"Well, Edward," Jasper starts slowly, "not only is that a date, but it's a double date."

I scratch my head in doubt, seemingly lost in my actions of choosing a shirt. In all actuality, I am staring at nothing as my mind runs on overtime. _Is this a date? Would Bella want to date me? Do I even see Bella that way? Was I about to go on a double date I wasn't even aware of?_

"Nah, Bella and I are just friends," I finally reply, trying to keep my voice even. Without another glance, I make up my mind and slip on a red plaid shirt, buttoning it up. I grab my gray converse and sit on the edge of the bed to put them on.

"Well, have fun." Jasper stands up and slides his wallet into his back pocket. "I'm going to get some dinner. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see ya," I return his farewell as I finish lacing up my high tops. Pretty much the moment Jasper leaves, I'm ready to go as well, so I grab my wallet and room key and hit the pavement. I call Bella to let her know that I am outside of her dorm, and she appears after a minute or two to let me in. She already has her purse on her arm, so I don't walk in any further than the front lobby.

"Hey, Bella. Are Draculetta and her new boyfriend ready to go?" I ask after hugging her hello.

"Draculetta?" She questions with a laugh. "I just told them to go ahead, and that we'd meet them there. I just couldn't watch them make out any more." She shudders with her words.

"I can imagine," I retort with a grin. "You are wearing your garlic necklace, right?" I ask as we walk out the door.

***~E~***

"I honestly can't believe that just happened," I say for the fiftieth time that night once we reach my dorm. I shake my head as I hold the door open for Bella. "What a weird fucking night."

"I know!" She exclaims with wide eyes. "I told you they wouldn't stop kissing in the dorm. I never presumed they'd just go at it like that in the restaurant."

"They didn't just go at it," I start, talking animatedly with my hands to emphasize my point, "they had sex in the game room, against the crane machine!! Who the fuck does that?" I laugh, letting the remnants of the night pass through my mind. Bella wasn't lying when she told me Alec was a straight up fraternity guy. He fit the look to the letter, the Greek letter, wearing a pink polo, one side of his collar popper, a baseball cap and some kind of loafer on his feet. Jane, on the other hand, was dressed in a shredded black shirt over a red bra, a spiked bracelet and skin tight leather pants.

When they started making out in the booth, people stared... a lot.

After our pizza arrived, they disappeared, but they were soon discovered in a gross and compromising situation by a nine year old boy. Needless to say, they got kicked out, and I got stuck with the bill. Still, I made out better than the boy that caught them. He's sure to be traumatized for life.

"Oh, god. That poor child's face when he came out of the game room," Bella sighs with a small laugh as she places her hand on my arm. "Thanks for letting me come hang out in your dorm for a while. I'll give them a hour to finish what they started at dinner, and then hopefully, he'll just go home."

"It's no problem. I like hanging out with you," I reply with a smile, casually throwing my arm over her shoulder. I love having friends I can just relax and be myself around. I'm thankful to have Bella, who's been amazing these last few months, but I now also have Jasper. It's weird because technically I just met Jasper, but it feels as though he and I have been friends for years. It's pretty awesome.

"Do you mean that, Edward?" Bella asks softly, and I nod, giving her a friendly grin as we get into the elevator. I push the button for the fourth floor and lean against the back wall, scratching my head lazily.

"What do you want to do until you go back to your dorm?" I ask her.

Bella looks up at me with a smirk, before winking at me. "I don't know. What do you want to do?" She repeats in a soft voice. She glances up at me, biting her bottom lip, waiting for me to respond.

"Umm... play video games?" I respond with a shrug. Her shoulders immediately slump, and she frowns. "We don't have to do that if you don't want," I add quickly. "Earlier, Jasper and I were trying to come up with Halloween costumes. Have you thought about what you want to be?"

"No," she sighs. "Do you think Jasper is in the room?"

The elevator dings open, and I walk out with Bella quick on heels. "I hope so. I want you to meet him," I answer, looking over my shoulder at her with a smile.

I put my key in the lock and open the door, holding it open for Bella, and she walks in under my arm.

"Hi, I'm Jasper Whitlock." I hear him introduce himself to Bella while I'm locking the door behind me.

"It's nice to meet you Jasper. I'm Bella Swan," she says sweetly.

"Well, how was dinner?" Jasper asks, looking back and forth between Bella and I.

"It was good," Bella replies. She stands closer to me and rests her hand on my shoulder. I look at her hand for a moment before I gently shake out of her grasp, so I can put my cell phone and keys on my desk.

"Good?" I repeat, questioning her choice of words with a laugh. "Jasper, you should have been there! It was like _Addam's Family_ meets _Laguna Beach_ meets _Taxi Cab Confessions_. It was fucking nuts!"

"I can only imagine," he chuckles. "What's y'all's plan now?"

"I thought we could figure out our Halloween outfits. I told Bella she could come. I hope that's okay."

"I don't want to impose," Bella adds with a shy glance at Jasper.

"The more the merrier," he says with a smile. "So, Bella, what were you thinking about being?"

The conversation between the three of us flows easily, rotating between us fluidly and filled with laughter. At midnight, Jasper and I walk Bella back to her dorm, making sure she gets inside safely. We immediately head back to Mercer, discussing the upcoming weekend and our Halloween shopping trip that Bella is now attending as well. When we get back to the room, I immediately change and hop in bed, exhausted from my long day. I close my eyes, replaying recent events and for the first time in a long time, fall asleep with a smile on my face.

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**Do you have questions/concerns/commentary? I hope so! Well, not the concerns so much, but you know what I mean. I'm sure s****ome of you might be confused by Edward - he's quite the enigma right now, but just stick with me. **

**Leave a review and you will get a sneak peek into Jasper's head.... Mmmm.... *snickers***

**Also, is anyone proficient with banner making? Photoshop? I would love a banner for A Tangible Dichotomy. If someone would be interested in that, I'll send you an extra outtake or sneak peek... or maybe a secret insight into E or J? Thanks!!**

**;)**


	4. Jasper & Elizabeth Taylor

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Thank you to everyone who is reading and reviewing. The positive feedback makes me want to churn out a few chapters a week, but considering I have a full time job and a quasi busy life, that is never gonna happen. ;)

**Thanks to Sarah and Alisha for looking over this and letting me know they like it. Speaking of Ali, her and a few other ladies have gotten together, started a blog and are a lot of fun. You should check it out. They are team SOB... which stands for something nice this time. I don't have a direct link, but here fanfic name is Mombailey, and I'm sure her profile can lead you there. **

**Twilight is not mine. Fo' shizzle. (--Sorry, I'm a dork.)**

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"You got a hot date?" I ask, hoping my tone is casual and friendly, not jealous and lustful. I can't help but stare at the closet door that's blocking Edward from my sight. He just took his shirt off so nonchalantly, like it was no big deal, teasing me with his lithe arms and toned torso, only hidden under a thin wifebeater. At my question, he leans back, his beautiful face etched in concern. I drop my eyes quickly, hoping he didn't pick up on my staring.

"I wouldn't say that?" He interjects, the doubt evident in his tone.

"Well, if you don't mind me asking, what are you doing tonight?" I question with a silent gulp, swallowing down my feelings of disappointment. I bite anxiously on my pencil, waiting for his answer.

"Uh... my friend Bella invited me to dinner with her roommate and her roommate's new boyfriend," he answers quickly, disappearing from my sight again as he turns back to the closet.

"Well, Edward," I say slowly, reveling in the way his name sounds on my tongue, "not only is that a date, but it's a double date."

There is a pregnant pause after my words, and I hold my breath in anticipation. "Nah, Bella and I are just friends," he replies finally, but he doesn't sound positive. My heart stutters in my chest when he emerges from behind the door, dressed haphazardly in a red plaid shirt and black jeans. He sits on the edge of the bed to lace his gray Chucks, mindlessly licking his lips.

Shit, I have to get out of here.

"Well, have fun." I croak out, standing up and turning my body away from him to hide my half hard cock. I slip my wallet in my back pocket and rush for the door. "I'm going to get some dinner. I'll see you later."

"Yeah, see ya," he replies cheerfully, but he looks lost in thought.

Once the door to the building slams behind me, I rest my hands on my knees, taking in large gulps of air, mentally and physically calming myself down.

Edward has a date.

This shouldn't matter to me. We're roommates, and more importantly, he's straight. I'm almost positive.

Shaking my head to clear it, I mindlessly wander in the direction of the cafeteria. All sights and sounds are lost to me, and I somehow remember to put one foot in front of the other. My mind is consumed with all things Edward, replaying every interaction we've had so far.

Sunday night, I could barely sleep, tossing and turning until five in the morning. It was around that time that I gave up on sleep, and I decided to head to the gym. With a determined mind to run my attraction for Edward right out of me, I completed six miles on the treadmill. When I got back to the room around six thirty, and I saw his beautiful face relaxed in his sleep, it was all too apparent my plan of _exercising_ my demons away was highly unsuccessful.

In the shower, after I jerked one out to images of Edward on his knees before me, his ass spread wide and fucking pulsing for me, I decided that I needed a new strategy. As immature as it sounds, I figured the silent treatment was the best way to go about it. If I was an ass to Edward, then he would want to stay away from me. It would make everything... less hard. If you know what I'm getting at.

What I wasn't prepared for, was his hurt voice and stricken face when he came up to me in the cafeteria Monday. It fucking broke my heart to hear him ask me what he did wrong. The problem was that he did absolutely nothing wrong! How could I explain that it was all me, that he is just too damn perfect for me to resist? It's a rather hopeless situation, it seems.

Once I apologized, all was forgiven which speaks volumes for Edward's character. If someone was blowing me off like that, I would hold a grudge for a long ass time, but not Edward. It's funny; after we started talking, we just clicked. That's never happened before. I mean, it's easy for me to make friends. I can change myself to whatever I need to be, whatever is expected of me, but those friends are always expendable. I could toss them aside and find new ones, and it wouldn't bother me at all. I don't want that with Edward. I have a feeling he's going to be more important than I even realize, but I'm scared to fucking death to let him in. It's a lot harder to lose something you never had than to lose something truly important to you. I've learned that the hard way.

Then, when Victoria had her unwelcome hands all over me, I could feel his eyes on me, burning into me. He continuously followed her hands on my body, watching every pass her fingertips made over my arms, but it was like he didn't even realize he was doing it, what he was in turn doing to me.

God, I wanted to fucking throw Victoria off of me and crawl over the table into his lap. I wonder if that would've happened, if I leaned in for a kiss, would he push me off in disgust? Before everyone in the cafeteria that afternoon, I wanted to offer him all of me, every touch, every look, every breath. The urge was overwhelming and frankly terrifying.

When I'm around Edward, it's as though I have no qualms with my sexuality, no fear of coming out, no hesitation. Which doesn't make a lick of sense since Edward is heterosexual.

I'm fairly certain.

In my defense, the please let Edward be gay argument, he doesn't mention or really look at girls. Besides asking me earlier if Victoria was my ex, he hasn't talked about girls, either. Then he just throws Bella at me, out of left field, ruining my entire evening.

Although on the other side, the Edward is straight and keeps to himselfargument, before Bella came up this evening, he hadn't mentioned another person, besides his weird roommate. So, maybe he is just really quiet about his personal business?

It's just that most guys I know talk about pussy all the time – getting it, wanting it, craving it. Edward hasn't brought up sex of any kind, at all. Then again, I haven't known him that long, and I haven't talked about any of that, either. When I'm around my friends, though, I pretend to listen to their degrading remarks about the opposite sex, and I check out the girls at night. I never take any of those girls home at night, though, like my friends think I do. Instead, when I get home, I masturbate to online porn, the no girls allowed kind.

Next time, I won't even need the extra stimulation that RedTube has to offer. Just thinking of the way Edward's eyes trailed over my body that day in the caf or his tongue brushing against his lips just now is almost enough to make me cum in my pants.

With a frustrated sigh, I collapse onto the first bench I see. I groan loudly and bury my face in my hands, propping my elbows on my knees to make sure my erection is hidden behind my forearms. I shouldn't even allow my mind to wander down these trails of thought. Edward is unattainable, only a dream.

The weird thing is, I've known the guy now for two days – that's it. I just feel so comfortable around him. He's just such a nice guy, and we get along so well. I've never had this kind of connection with anyone before. I feel as though I can trust him, and besides my mother and Rose, I trust no one. Trust is not something I can afford to give out freely.

With Edward, though, for some reason, besides keeping a few secrets, I've been myself. I don't put up a front for him, the Jasper I'm supposed to be, like I do with my other friends on campus. Sometimes, it feels as though I've been incognito for so long, I don't even recognize myself.

I'm stuck in this perpetual game of Hide and Seek, and I have got a great fan-fucking-tastic hiding spot. The question is – am I ever going to make it back to base? At some point I have to come out of the shadows and just make a run for it, hoping for the best.

I roll my eyes at my fucking metaphorical musings. What a fucking puss thing to think about. I let my body relax and my head fall back against my shoulders. Staring at the tree limbs above me, I focus on gaining a little more control over my body. I like Edward, and I can see him becoming a true friend to me. We're never going to get that far in our friendship, though, if I get a giant boner every time he's around me.

That shit doesn't fly.

My phone vibrates in my pocket, startling me. I jump in my seat, pulse racing, and dig it out of my jeans. I smile at the name on the Caller ID and slide it open.

"Jasper's phone, Jasper speaking?" I answer in a secretarial voice.

"_You are too much sometimes, sugar,_" my mother drawls out in greeting.

"I learned from the best," I say with a small laugh. "What can I do for you this evening?"

"_Well, JJ, I was just calling to check on you_," she replies. "_How is your new roommate_?"

"He's great. I think we are going to get along really well," I answer honestly. I wish I could go further into my situation with Edward, purge all of my worries and fears into the phone. I'm pretty sure my mother knows I'm gay, but I'm not ready to confirm it for her. I believe she would accept me no matter what, but there is still that small part of me that fears her rejection. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have my mom on my side.

"_That's wonderful! What's his name_?"

"Edward."

"_That's pretty old fashioned for someone your age_," she remarks.

I laugh. "Says the woman who named her son Jasper," I counter.

"_You very well know that I didn't name you, Junior._"

"Please don't call me that," I demand, my mood immediately sullen.

"_JJ_..." she starts, her tone reprimanding.

"I don't want to hear it, mom. I just don't. You know I don't like to be called Junior," I interrupt in a tense voice, my breathing heavier than before.

"_Honey, listen to me. I'm sorry I upset you. It's just that... well, he is your father,_" she sighs.

"I remember." My voice is clipped. Of course, I remember. How could I forget? Every single fucking time I look in the mirror, I remember. I look exactly like the bastard, but he stopped being my father a long time ago. The day it all came tumbling down with the entire facade crashing around us, burying us in the rubble of our lies, was the day I took on the role as man of the family, deciding to never look back.

She pauses, and I can almost see her doleful face, frowning into the phone. "_It takes too much energy to hate, Sweetheart. It's not good for your heart_."

"I know," I urge in a defensive tone, silently hoping she'll just drop it. I don't want to talk about this, about him.

"_You can't carry all that around on your shoulders, JJ. It's too much_," she continues in a soft voice. I can hear her words waver, constricting in her throat, alerting me that she's on the cusp of tears, and I can't have that. She's cried enough over that man.

Changing the subject, I ask about what she's done since I saw her last.

"_Considering that I saw you on Sunday, and today is Tuesday_," she chuckles lightly, trying to mask the sadness in her voice, "_not much has happened. How about you? How's school_? _Tell me about Edward_?"

"School is fine. Edward is a nice guy," I reply evenly. I don't want to talk about Edward. I'm no good at lying to my mother.

"_Jasper Hale Whitlock, what are you not telling me_?" She demands, her tone laced with a dreading sense of finality. It is a voice that is all too familiar to me.

I let out a frustrated growl into the phone, covering my face with my hand and rubbing my temples. How do I relay my issues and evade the real problem? Shit. "I'm fine," I reply, avoidance being my only friend this evening.

"_You don't sound fine, JJ. What is bothering you_? _Just tell me._" She says sweetly, and I smile into the phone. She always knows how to make me feel better, the right thing to say. My mouth falls open as I actually consider letting her know what's going on, but she interjects something else before I can. "_Love trouble, perhaps_?"

"Why does it always come to that with you?" I ask, faking exasperation at her overly asked question. This is good, a distraction. I can't tell my mom I'm gay over the phone. How fucking tacky.

"_I can't want love and happiness for my only son_?"

"Mom," I sigh. "That's not what..."

"_No, JJ_," she interrupts, exaggerating her words. "_Obviously, you don't think your well being is any of my business_."

"Mom..."

"_I just spent 36 hours in labor with you, fed you, put a roof over your head, clothed you, have taken care of you for nearly twenty years_," she counts off without missing a breath, ignoring my attempts to get her attention.

"Esme..." I try a new route.

"_Calling me by first name_," she grumbles. "_The boy goes off to college and completely forgets all the manners I instilled in him. Getting all huffy with me, I don't think so. Someone is in for a rude awakening_... _not too big to put over my knee_..."

"I'm SORRY!!" I exclaim loudly, causing a passing girl to jump in shock. I give her an awkward smile, mouthing a quick apology in her direction. Shaking my head in embarrassment, I wait for my mother to speak.

"_For what_?" she finally inquires.

"I shouldn't have gotten smart with you..."

"_You sure shouldn't have, Buster,_" she chides into the phone, interrupting me again.

Rolling my eyes, I continue with my attempts to soothe my mother. "I just don't have much going on, as far as my love life is concerned. When something happens, I promise you will be the first person I tell."

"_I just want you to be happy, JJ,_" she relays, her voice finally calm. "_I worry about you. I know you close yourself off from other people, and you aren't going to find love if you're scared to open up_."

"I'm not.."

She shushes me, stopping me from defending myself. "_I don't know why you think you can fool your mother_," she laments before continuing. "_You are going to make someone so happy. You're a wonderful man, Jasper, and I just don't want you to miss out because you're afraid_."

I shake my head and close my eyes. Her words bring up my darkest thoughts, my deepest worries. "It's just... what if something happened? What if I hurt..." I stop cold, cringing from my thoughtless mumbling. I shouldn't bring that up. It's not her fault. She shouldn't have to deal with my issues from it.

"_Oh, JJ_," she cries into the phone. "_I swear_..." she starts, her words broken from the tears I know that are falling down her face. "_I thought that we_..." she sighs sadly as she chooses what she wants to say. "_Jasper, you are not your father,_" she emphasizes every word, and each one hits me harder than the previous. How can she be sure of that when I question it every day? If there is even a chance that I'm like him, I don't deserve another person's love.

"I know," I say quietly, not really believing it myself.

"_Do you_?" she questions, the sadness evident in her voice. "Y_ou are no one but yourself, Jasper Hale. Strong, brave, loving, handsome, smart, kind, funny, gentle... need I go on_?"

"No, please stop," I beg with a small laugh, trying to lighten the mood.

"_I could list your positive attributes for days, JJ_," she replies with a smile. "_Always remember that_."

"Thanks, mom," I mumble quietly. "I love you."

"_I love you, too_."

"As much I enjoy all this mushiness," I retort, running my fingers through my hair, "what was your intended purpose for this phone call?"

"_I was just wondering when you were coming home for Thanksgiving break_."

"Umm... Wedneday evening? I think. I have class until about two," I inform her.

"_I just found out I have to attend a medical conference that week, but I'll be back late Wednesday night. Thanksgiving is still on, of course, but I won't be there when you get home from school_. _You'll have to fend for yourself that evening for supper_."

"Oh," I reply. "Well, where are you going?"

"_Let's see_," she says, and I can hear paper shuffling. "_It's in New York City from Monday to Wednesday at the Regency Hyatt downtown_."

"Are you going by yourself, or are others from your work going with you?" I ask in a demanding voice.

"_If you must know, young man, there are three other reps going as well_," she snaps. "_I don't see why that matters, though_."

"I don't like the idea of you alone in New York. It's not safe," I answer matter-of-factly.

"_I appreciate your concern, JJ_," she sighs, "_but last time I checked you were the kid and I was the parent_."

"I know that," I growl out and then immediately regret it. I'm about to make another apology for my gruff tone, but my mother beats me to it.

"_Jasper Hale Whitlock! What has got your cat up a tree today_?" She asks with a huff, and as much as I try not to, I can't help it when I start laughing.

"Cat? Tree?" I chortle. "Did you just make that up?"

"_No_!" She exclaims defensively. "_My Grandma Evenson used to say that_."

That just makes me laugh harder. "Mom, Grandma Evenson thought she was Elizabeth Taylor!"

"_Just because she was a little senile in her final years, does not mean we need to discount everything she ever said_," she chides.

A memory flashes through my mind, of my Great Grandmother giving my mom pairs after pairs of her earrings. "These have always brought me luck," I reply, mimicking the _White Diamonds_ commercial she used to imitate.

"_Enough_!" my mother exclaims, but I can hear trying to hold back her own laughter. "_It's not funny. She was a lovely wom_an," she sighs.

"Of course you would say that, she gave you all of her jewelry," I snicker.

"_Alright, Buster, keep mocking the dead and see what happens_," she threatens me.

I give one final sigh, wiping the tears from my laughter out from under my eyes. "Elizabeth Taylor is still alive, you know."

***~J~***

After I get off the phone with my mother, promising to call her later in the week, I head to the cafeteria and grab a sandwich to go. I don't really feel like having to make idle chitchat if I run into someone I know. Back in the room, I pop open the box, deeply breathing in the meatball sub and macaroni cheese that wafts into my nose, completely unhealthy and utterly delicious.

Three episodes of Forensic Files later, I hear a key in the door, and I lift my head in eager curiosity, wondering how his date went, hoping it sucked.

When the knob turns, my face lifts into a giant, excited grin, and I can feel how ridiculous I look. I relax my face, going for nonchalant. The door opens completely, and I frown for a moment at the girl who walks in under Edward's arm before I slip back into what's expected of me.

"Hi, I'm Jasper Whitlock." I introduce myself to who I presume to be Bella, giving her a friendly smile. Out of the corner of my eye, I keep close tabs on Edward as he locks the door.

"It's nice to meet you, Jasper. I'm Bella Swan," she says sweetly.

"Well, how was dinner?" I ask, making sure to glance back and forth between them, so my eyes don't rest solely on Edward.

"It was good," Bella replies, placing her hand possessively on Edward's shoulder. I have the sudden urge to slap her hand off of him, but I just continue to smile. He glances down at her hand, then at me, then back at her hand before gently removing himself from her grasp. I have an inward fist pump moment as Edward moves away from Bella to put his keys and phone on his desk.

"Good?" Edward questions with a scoff like laugh. "Jasper, you should have been there! It was like _Adam's Family_ meets _Laguna Beach_ meets _Taxi Cab Confessions_. It was fucking nuts!" I briefly imagine Edward and I on _Taxi Cab Confessions_, going at it in the backseat as hidden cameras roll, catching our unbridled lust. That's all it takes to be hard once again, so I quickly sit on my bed, crossing my legs to hide my erection.

"I can only imagine," I force out a chuckle. "What's y'all's plan now?"

"I thought we could figure out our Halloween outfits. I told Bella she could come. I hope that's okay." Edward asks me with an a small smile.

"I don't want to impose," Bella adds with a shy glance at me.

"The more the merrier," I tell her with a smile. She does seem like a sweet girl. She at least deserves me to treat her kindly. "So, Bella, what were you thinking about being?" I motion for her to sit, and she does – on Edward's bed. I don't like that one fucking bit. Thankfully, Edward plops himself down in his desk chair, and I release the breath I didn't realize I was holding.

"I have no idea," she says to me while staring at Edward. "What about you?" She finally tears her eyes away from him, and I have to make myself smile at her.

I look over at Edward, giving him a playful grin. "Well, our boy here, vetoed my Hulk idea," I joke, wishing he really was my boy. "So, I got nothing."

"Hey, now," Edward calls out. "I was merely stating my opinion. If you think you can handle being incredible, well, shit, go for it."

"I'm already incredible Edward. It's handled," I joke, running my hands in front of body in jest. We both start laughing, and Bella smiles, looking back and forth between us.

"What were you thinking of being, Edward?" She asks him, practically purring his name. I fidget uncomfortably in my spot, but he just smiles over at her.

"I don't know, a construction worker?" he shrugs. "Something easy, though. Jazz and I are Goodwill shopping this weekend for costumes if you wanna come."

He gave me a nickname. I hate it. Jazz sounds stupid, but I love that he felt familiar enough with me to shorten my name.

"Yeah, Eddie," I stress his name, "and I are going Saturday morning. You're welcome to join us, darlin'."

Bella blushes with my words, and I give her a small smile. I can feel Edward's eyes on me, so I look over. He doesn't seem happy with me. "Eddie?" He questions.

"Jazz?" I counter, raising my eyebrows.

"Did I call you that?" He asks, his tone confused.

I laugh, nodding my head. "Yeah." He smirks at me, and I return it sheepishly. Bella clears her throat.

"I think I'm going to be a Native American," she blurts out.

"Like Pocahontas?" I ask, directing my attention at her.

She blushes again. "There's a reservation outside of the town where I'm from, and my friend Jacob grew up there. He made me this beautiful necklace in high school, so I think I'm going to base my costume around that."

"Sounds good," Edward says with a smile. "Now you're the only one undecided," he directs at me.

"Yeah, well, I'm sure I'll figure it out," I reply, falling back against the bed on my elbows, "Y'all tell me more about what happened at dinner."

"You will never fucking believe it..." Edward starts.

After hearing about the craziness that is Bella's roommate and her new boyfriend, Bella yawns, stretching her arms in the air.

"Sleepy, darlin'?" I ask, and she nods at me in answer.

"Edward can you walk me back to my room?" She almost begs, her tone saccharine. He agrees with a small crooked grin and stands, sliding his arms into a light jacket. He in turn holds out her jacket for her to put on, and they walk toward the door.

I cringe at the thought of Edward walking her home, leaning in to kiss her goodnight... being pulled into her bed for the evening. I shake my head at the thought, concentrating on my favorite JFK quote to clear my head. It shouldn't bother me if Edward wants to pursue this girl. It doesn't bother me. We are just friends. I do not like Edward...

It's at this moment of my internal monologue when Edward looks at me over, grinning over his shoulder. "Well, are you coming or not?" He asks.

I want to joke with him – tell him I'm not cumming until he does, but instead, I just shrug. "Well, fuck, Jasper, I don't wanna walk all the way back by myself..."

"I'm sure he has better things to do," Bella interrupts, placing her hand flat against Edward's arm. She looks up at him, adoration written all over his face. He frowns, and turns back toward me.

"Please come," he asks in a quiet voice, and who am I to deny such a simple request?

I smirk and stand up. "Shit, Edward," I tease, "don't cry. I'll walk with ya'." I grab a cardigan and slip it over my white t shirt.

"Think you're such a comedian," he mumbles, smiling at me. I give one exaggerated nod in agreement before throwing my arms over both their shoulders, surreptitiously placing myself between them.

"Let's get to walking," I say, pulling them both toward the door. Bella's body is stiff under my arm where as Edward is completely relaxed. I relish in the feeling of having him in my embrace, even as unintimate as it is. I don't want to make Bella uncomfortable, though, so I release them both when we reach the elevator. Bella shifts away from me, putting distance between us, but Edward remains in the same spot, our arms brushing against each other.

I smile the whole way to Bella's dorm.

***~J~***

Saturday morning, I wake up before my alarm and decide to go for a jog in the crisp Autumn air. As my feet pound the pavement, my mind, like it has been doing since I met him, slips to Edward. This past week, our first week as roommates, passed quickly, with Edward and I growing closer each day. I swear to god, sometimes that boy looks at me like he wants me, and it's driving me crazy. For my sanity, I try to keep at least a little physical distance between us, but he seems to have no issues with being all up in my bubble. He touches my arms briefly when talking to me, hits me softly on the chest in jest, never breaks eye contact and is always smiling at me. It's in those moments when I question Edward's sexuality, the suspicion burning brighter in the back of my mind.

Then on Thursday, when he held me in his arms...

Fine, in reality, I stumbled backwards over a loose gray Converse, and Edward caught me, stopping me from falling on my ass. There might have been a hesitation on his part before he released me, and I could be losing what is left of my head, but I think he sniffed my hair.

Thinking about it, gives me a headache, though, because my mind just runs in circles. It's easy for me to believe Edward is doing these little things because he feels the same way, wishful thinking and all that. I'll just have to enjoy the brief moment I was in his embrace, my back flush against his chest, and just let my imagination take care of the rest. Believe me, my showers have gotten a lot more interesting... and frequent.

I just have to let go of my foolish desire to hold him against me, kiss him, lick him, fuck him...

Dammit. I run back to the dorm at an awkward gait, my hard dick making it difficult to run at all. I immediately head to the shower, rinsing the sweat from my body and releasing another Edward induced ejaculation from my cock.

I dry my hair a little before tying the towel around my waist, picking up my dirty clothes and heading back to the room. I open the door, expecting to find Edward asleep, but he's sitting up in his bed, legs still under the covers with his bare chest exposed to me.

I gulp down the saliva gathering in my mouth, and start to greet him, but he asks a question before I can.

"Well, what happened?" I arch my brow in confusion. He looks at me, shaking his head with a grimace and points at his ear. Ahh, he's on the phone.

"Shit. What are you gonna' do?" Edward implores, running his fingers through his already disheveled bronze hair. I wish it were my hands in his hair, and that he had sex hair not bed hair. I bite the inside of my mouth in a quick punishment of letting my thoughts wander again, and I grab some boxers to slide on under my towel.

"You're going back today, I take it. Do you have a ride?" Edward asks. Shit, what's with the questions. I can't figure out anything about his conversation from his side alone. Not that I'm nosey or anything...

"I don't have a car, or I would take you," he grumbles, running his hand over his chin. "Wait a second," he says into the phone before looking up at me with a pleading smile. "Jasper, how do you feel about taking a road trip?"

* * *

**Woo, road trip. ;)**

**Sooo, what do you think? Edward comes next and the boys will reveal some more personal details. Get ready. **

**Please, review. If you do, you'll get my undying devotion. Now, I normally give you sneak peeks. As, I haven't started the next chapter, I'm not sure I can promise that. If enough of you want it, though, I will see what I can write tomorrow. Sound good?**

**Thanks!**


	5. Edward & the Long Ride of Richard

**Thank you to everyone who is reading this and especially to those who are reviewing. Everyone who writes LOVES reviews, so never be scared to leave one. Last chapter, I broke a review cherry for someone, but I can't give you a response or thank you if you're not signed in! So, thanks RubyTuesday! I am so glad you liked enough to leave me your thoughts. I remember finally breaking down and reviewing, and I'm glad that ATD was that story for you!**

**I know that a lot of you are looking for immediate smut, and it seems, especially in slash, that the smut happens in the first chapter. This is plot with smut... and trust me, there will be plenty of it... just not from the get go. If you read BHLB, it's not going to take THAT long... lol. **

**PS - Thanks to Mombailey for looking this over and encouraging me - hardcore. ;)**

**I hope you enjoy it. There are mentions of abuse. I don't mean to upset anyone. Twilight? Not mine.**

* * *

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like to aggravate the ice-cream man on rainy afternoons..._

My eyes crack open as the phones silences, my Arctic Monkey ring tone reverberating in my ears, and I sigh in the fresh quiet, closing them back and situating myself deeper into the pillow.

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like to aggravate the ice-cream man on rainy afternoons..._

"Jesus fucking Christ on a cracker!" I mumble to myself, and I sit up, blindly feeling for my phone on the bedside table. I go to grab it, but somehow push it out of my grasp, sending it flying under the desk.

"Shit!" I say just a little too loudly, and I cover my mouth with a silent gasp, peeking over toward the red plaid comforter to see if I woke Jasper. Apparently, I didn't need to worry since he's not even in here. Where would he be at... I glance at the clock... seven fifteen on a Saturday? Fuck, it's early.

Rolling my eyes, I climb out of bed on sleepy feet, shuffling the short distance to the desk. I fall to my knees and climb under it, really only a flat, wooden surface attached to the wall, reaching for the phone. My fingers make contact as it starts to ring again.

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like to aggravate the ice-cream man on rainy afternoons..._

"Seriously, I'm trying here!" I yell out at my telephone. I thought I liked that song... I finally grab it and scoot out backwards, misjudging the width of the desk and smacking the back of my head with a resounding crack. "Are you kidding me?!?" I ask no one in particular in anger as I rub the back of my head, feeling for a open head wound or rising lump.

When I finally make it out from under the desk, hopefully concussion free, the phone stops ringing, and I release a cry of frustration in the air. As I kneel on the floor with my fists shaking widly above my head, another shrill noise escapes my lips, and I can just imagine, the sound echoing through campus, causing birds to fly into the sky. That is, if my life was some sort of soap opera. As it is, this has just got to be the WORST Saturday morning in all history of Saturday mornings! Ugh, I would rather wake up to Eric practicing his square dance routine instead of this right now. Realizing that I may be acting a little over dramatic, I inhale deeply through my nose, trying to calm myself from throwing an Alice-worthy fit. I breathe out through my mouth and stand up, kicking my legs in front me to loosen my knees and thighs.

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like..._

"This better be important," I growl into the phone. I climb back into bed, covering myself up with my blue flannel sheets, waiting for a response, but I don't hear anything on the other side.

"Hello?"

"_Edward_?" A small voice asks, followed by a sniffle.

"Bella?" I ask, my tone softer. "What's wrong?"

"_My_... _my_... _oh, god_..." her voice breaks as she struggles to get through her words.

"You're starting to worry me. Please, tell me," I beg as my eye starts to twitch.

"_My dad was shot, and he's in the hospital_," she cries out, and I'm momentarily stunned into silence. Is she calling to tell me... Is he... Oh, god.

I finally get control over my racing thoughts and decide what to say. "Is he okay?" I ask quietly, keeping my tone gentle in case the answer is no.

"_Yeah_," she sobs into the phone, and I let out a sigh of relief. "_It just really freaked me out. God, what if he would have died, Edward_?" I feel completely horrible for her, but I don't know what to tell her. That would have sucked, but somehow you move on? Time heals all wounds? Yeah, fucking right... sometimes, time doesn't change shit. Closing my eyes, I pinch the bridge of my nose as Jasper enters the room, donned only in a yellow towel.

"Well, what happened?" I ask Bella, and Jasper looks over at me funny. I shake my head, pointing to my ear, alerting him I'm on the phone. I tense my shoulders, awaiting her answer.

"_I don't think I ever told you, but he's the Chief of Police_," she starts, crying lightly every few seconds. "_He pulled some guy over for speeding, and he was on some sort of drugs or something. Edward, he just shot my dad, point blank, when he reached the window! Thank god, it was this little hand gun, and he shot him in the shoulder. If he would have had a shotgun..." _she trails off, and I shudder at the thought_. "I mean," _she wails,_ "it's motherfucking Forks... nothing ever happens there, but my dad gets shot." _I'm momentarily taken aback by Bella saying "motherfucking." I've never heard her curse before. It sounded unnatural coming from her. As my mind wanders, another sob rings in my ear, bringing me back to the current conversation.

"Shit. What are you gonna do?" I ask, shoveling my fingers through my hair from the stress of this information. Her father could have easily died today, and as much as I would want to be there for her, I'm not sure I could have been. Even this is almost too much for me.

My heart rate picks up, and I start to feel trapped in this tiny bed and tiny room. With escalated breath, I clench and unclench my fists, digging my short nails into my palm. Don't do this, Edward. Don't do this. I mentally coax myself down as I concentrate on my breathing to bring it back under control. I can feel the panic rising in my throat, threatening to explode, and I am on teetering on the edge. All it takes is just one push...

Jasper hops into my line of vision, distracting me just enough to ease my encroaching hysteria, as he tries to slide his boxers on under his towel. Holding them in one hand, while gripping the towel in his other, he's basically trying to jump into them, wobbling just a little on his unsteady feet. I swear, that guy has horrible balance Just the other day I had to catch him from falling hard on his ass.

"_Edward_.... _Are you still there_... _Edward_?!?" Bella voice breaks through my panic stricken mind, and I shake my head, clearing it. I have completely missed everything she must have just said.

"You're going back today, I take it. Do you have a ride?" I ask as my breathing returns to normal, and she sighs. Jasper looks over at me, curiosity clear on his face. He's so fucking easy to read.

"_I want to, but Jake can't come get me until tomorrow_," she remarks as a wet, loud snorting sound assaults my ears. Cringing, I move the phone away from my ear. "T_hen, I'd have to be back at school for Monday classes. I don't know what to do_!" She exclaims, and I can practically feel her frustration through the phone.

"I don't have a car, or I would take you." I would, in a heartbeat. Thinking, I run my hand over my face, inch by inch. As my closed fingers slide over my eyes, bringing back my sight, Jasper slips on his t-shirt in front of me. "Wait a second," I murmur to Bella. Jasper glances over at me, and I look at him with what I hope is a pleading smile. "Jasper, how do you feel about taking a road trip?"

His eyebrows shoot up questioningly, and he looks from me to the phone attached to my ears a few times, most likely wondering who I'm talking with. "Where to?" He asks in a gruff voice as he rubs his towel over his head, man drying his hair.

"Forks."

"What exactly is Forks?" He questions in a strange voice. He seems like he wants to say no, but I need to convince him to agree. The truth shall set you free and all that bullshit.

"Forks is where Bella's from. Her dad was shot, and she needs a ride home," I inform him in a straight forward manner, and he gasps, whispering to himself.

"Is he..." he trails off, scrunching his face as he searches for the appropriate thing to ask.

"He's okay," I quickly tell him. "She just wants to get home, you know?"

"God," he mumbles. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Shit." He turns his back to me, quickly throwing on a gray long sleeved button-up over his t-shirt and grabbing his boots from the closet.

"Bella?" I ask, uncovering my hand from the phone.

"_Yeah_," she sniffs.

"We'll be there in ten minutes."

***~E~***

"Thank you so much, Jasper," Bella says for the umpteenth time once we make it to the Ferry. At the first chance we could, the three of us jumped out of Jasper's car. We moved as a pack toward the edge of the large vessel, leaning against the rail to stare out at the water. I anchor myself in one spot with Bella and Jasper each choosing to stand next to me. It's chilly today, but not unbearable. The crisp wind refreshes my spirit.

"Bella, seriously, I'm happy to help," Jasper replies smoothly, not appearing to be agitated with her repeated apologies. "If I was in your situation, I would want someone to help me," he adds. I glance over at him as looks out into the water, squinting into the sun's rays that have somehow managed to break through the overcast sky. He lets out a deep breath, his face crestfallen. I want to ask him what's wrong, but Bella whimpers, bringing my focus back to her.

She sighs loudly, burying the bottom of her face in the orange scarf wrapped around her neck. "It's going to be okay," I whisper into her ear and throw my arm around her. She burrows into my side, the unshed tears glistening in her chocolate eyes as her hair whips around her head from the bustling wind.

"I'm sorry you guys had to drop your plans to do this. I know you were looking forward to finding your Halloween costumes," she mumbles into my jacket, and I squeeze her tighter in response.

"Enough with the apologies," I chastise lightly. "It's the least we could do."

"Technically, it's the least Edward could do," Jasper jokes in a light tone. "Considering, he didn't have to do anything."

Bella giggles slightly before the sniffing begins again. "Just a sec', darlin'," Jasper remarks before he turns and walks back toward the parked cars. A moment later, he's back, holding out a handful of tissues to Bella. She takes them with a grateful smile before blowing her nose, loudly. I drop my arm, looking the other way, trying to take my mind off all the snot and used tissues to the left of me.

"Thanks, Jasper," she finally says once she has control over her leaking nose.

"It's no problem," he replies with a smile. "I always have a few tissues in Richard, just in case."

"Richard?" I ask, turning all of my attention toward Jasper. He blushes as he taps his fingertips on the rail. I wait.

"My car," he states begrudgingly, looking down at his black leather clad feet.

"You named your car Richard?" I question with a smirk, coughing to cover the laughter threatening to seep out of my throat. Jasper drives a 1999 dark red Honda Civic, not exactly super macho machinery. "I thought cars were supposed to be female?"

"Is that like a written rule or something?" he snaps at me, and I pull my head back in shock. I turn back toward the water, so Jasper can't see the hurt that crosses my face.

"Shit, Jasper," I grumble out an apology. "I was just joking."

He groans, rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands. "I know. Ugh... Man, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have bitten your head off like that." He runs his hands through his hair, making his curls stand practically on end, giving me an apologetic smile.

"S'alright," I mumble, and I slide my hands in my pockets to warm them up. I keep thinking about his car's name, and I just can't let it go. "So, why did you name your car Richard?" I ask, hoping he's not so sensitive this time. He looks at me, his eyes scrunched in frustration, lips tightly pursed. I give him a crooked grin in encouragement, and he sighs deeply.

"Guh..." he grunts in exasperated acquiesce. "His name is Rusty Richard," he informs me in a flat tone. "I mean, you saw the car. It's fucking covered in rust."

I nod, pretending to seriously take in what he just said before a large smile consumes my face. "So..." I start, trailing off with a small snort. He looks over at me, brows raised in question, jaw set in annoyance, motioning with his hands to finish what I'm saying.

"Sooo..." I start again, extending the monosyllabic word into a sentence of it's own. "You named your car... Rusty Dick?!?" I question, breaking the control I was barely holding onto. Following my words, a large guffaw escapes my throat, and I have to grip the rail to stay upright as laughter consumes my body.

"You're an asshole," Jasper directs at me, shaking his head with a loud huff, but I can see the smile he's holding back.

Grinning, I turn toward him."Oh, come on!" I exclaim. "How could I let that one slide?" I ask, clapping him playfully on the shoulder.

"Yeah, yeah, I walked right into that one," he mumbles before turning to me, his face plastered with a toothy grin. "Besides, if anyone here's a Rusty Dick, it's you," he jokes, rubbing his fist into the top of my head.

"Did you just give me a noogie?" I laugh, my tone laced in shock. "God, Jasper, I haven't gotten a fucking noogie since Elementary school!"

"Well, then, you were way past over due if you ask me," he retorts with a small chuckle, lifting his hand to repeat the childhood prank, but I grab his arm and twist under it, capturing him in front of me. He yells out, laughing, struggling to break free, but I just hold him a little tighter, making sure I don't accidentally hurt him.

"Umm..." Bella softly clears her throat beside me, and I glance down with wide eyes. I completely forgot she was here. "The ferry is about to dock. We need to get into the car." I smile at down at her, and she looks away, her cheeks red from the cold. I release Jasper, and he shakes his arm loose, raising his other fist at me in a teasing threat.

"What were you trying to do?" He asks as he runs his hand through his hair. "Break my arm?"

I laugh lightly, shaking my head. "Aw, come on, you big baby," I tease. "You're fine. Now, let's go hop in Rusty Dick!"

Bella slides her gloved hand into mine, and I squeeze it in comfort. God, she's probably really scared right now, and I'm not being a very good friend by horsing around with Jasper. He mumbles something incoherent as he unlocks his door, and Bella looks from him to me with curiosity on her face. I shrug in response to her unasked question, following him into the car.

***~E**~*

"Call me if you need anything, Bella," I inform her, giving her a hug. I drop my arms from around her small body, but she is still holding on tight. Instead of making the situation awkward, I just resume the hug until she lets go. She probably is just looking for a little more assurance. After about a minute, she backs away with, blushing with a sheepish look on her face. I look over her head at Jasper, trying to silently ask him what's up with Bella, but he is studiously interested in the hem of his shirt.

"Thank you for coming," she says to me with a small smile, and I look down at her, smiling in return. She turns to Jasper, and he gives her a quick hug. "Thank you so much for driving Jasper. I can't say it enough."

"It was no problem. I'm glad I could get you here," he remarks, placing his hands in his pockets.

A large Native American boy, in dark jeans and a tight t-shirt, comes out the front doors of the hospital, calling out Bella's name. She turns to look at him, a bright smile consuming her face. She rushes to his side, and he pulls her into a tight bear hug, burying his face in her hair.

"Does Bella have a boyfriend?" Jasper whispers to me out of the corner of his mouth, and I shrug my shoulders in answer. She turns back to us, waving goodbye, and we return the gesture before hopping back in the car.

"Well, we've got a long car ride back, Edward, my friend," Jasper says as we pull out of the parking lot. "What do you wanna do?" He turns on the radio, flipping through station after station before he clicks it off with a growl.

"I don't know." I look out the window, watching the lush green growth fly past us. I feel Jasper's eyes on me, so I turn my head in his direction. "What?" I ask him.

"Nothing," he responds quickly, shaking his head. "Edward, we have got like a four hour drive ahead of us, my CD player is broken, and there are no good stations to listen to. I'm gonna go crazy without some sort of distraction."

"Umm... we could play twenty questions?" I suggest.

He thinks about it for a moment. "Like, is it bigger than a bread box, type stuff?" He asks, and I nod. "Nah, I don't wanna play that."

"Umm... well, let's see..." I pause, trying to think of something else. "Jasper, where are you from?"

"Is this the game?" He questions me, peeking in my direction from the corner of his eyes.

"I guess," I retort with a laugh.

"Portland," he informs me brusquely, focusing all of his attention on the road.

"That's not where the accent came from, though," I interject. "You mentioned Texas the other day."

"Um... yeah, I was born on the Bergstrom Air Force base. It closed in '93, and my dad decided to not re-enlist. Then, we moved to Bastrop, which is this small town about an hour outside Austin." He sighs deeply, gripping the steering wheel until his knuckles turn white. "I consider Portland home, though," he adds almost as an afterthought.

"Why did you move to Portland?" I ask, wondering why he's acting so strangely about such a simple thing like where are you from.

"God, Edward, you have a lot of questions," he says, fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat.

"You don't have to answer them," I respond quietly, turning my face once again to stare out the passenger window. I should just keep to myself, and not overstep my boundaries. Maybe, he feels the same way about personal questions. I shouldn't have even started this game.

"We moved because my mom left my dad," he informs me after a moment in a pensive voice. "I just don't talk about it very much. It's like I don't know how to deal with it when it's brought up, ya' know?" He remarks, and I nod because I do know.

"Do you miss him?" I question, shifting in my seat. My body is angled toward the window still, but I'm looking at him.

He scoffs. "Fuck no."

"Oh," I reply uncomfortably as I drop my eyes to the dash. I don't know what else to say.

"God," he sighs. "I guess I have to explain myself, now, huh?"

"Umm... you don't have to," I let him know, trying to let him off the hook. He obviously doesn't want to talk about this.

"No, no. I do..." he pauses. "It's just that... I don't have a nice father. He was abusive and cruel." He shakes his head and scratches his forehead. Just saying those things aloud seem to cause him discomfort, and I meant for this to be lighthearted. Causing him pain was never my intention.

"You don't..."

"Edward," he interrupts me. "It's okay. You didn't know, and it's not some secret. We got out, ya' know? We were lucky."

"Did he hit you?" I ask in small voice.

"Not at first, but after he got out of the Air Force, times were tough for my family. He couldn't keep a job, and my mother, who up until then had stayed home, had to start working to support us." He shakes his head again and puts on his blinker, switching lanes to pass a slow moving pickup truck. "He started drinking all the time, yelling at us, blaming us for him being miserable. God, we just took it, never made a single fucking peep in return because we weren't raised to back talk." He sighs. "My mother used to comfort us after his rampages, telling us that he was just going through a tough time, but that he loved us. That worked for a while." Jasper rolls his eyes, letting out a scathing scoff.

"He kept up the verbal shit for years, and he was especially hard on me, since I was the only son," Jasper's voice breaks and he sniffs in deeply, trying to keep the tears at bay. I want to reach across the console and wrap my arms around him, offer him the only comfort I know how to give, but I'm not sure how well that would be received.

"He never hit my mom or my sister, Rosalie, but when I turned about thirteen, he became physically abusive with me." Jasper shudders, and I reach out, placing my hand on his shoulder. He glances down at where we're connected before giving me a sad smile. "He wasn't stupid, though, and he didn't hit me when anyone was around or where anyone could see," he continues, and I squeeze his shoulder. "That went on for two years, Edward," he sighs, "and I was too fucking scared to tell anyone. God, the things he used to threaten me with..." he trails off, his voice tight with emotion.

"Did you finally tell your mom?" I ask, needing to know how he broke free of that miserable monster.

"Not exactly." He frowns. "One day, when I was about fifteen, he was berating me about something stupid, and I just lost it. I yelled back, finally standing my ground, and he fucking punched me in the eye.... fucking asshole." He says, muttering the last part under his breath. "Can't hide a black eye, though, can ya'?" He asks with a smirk, and I frown, wondering how he can joke about something like that.

"I see the look on your face, Edward," he remarks. "It's not that it's funny, but that was the best black eye I ever got."

"What the fuck, Jasper?!?" I throw my hands in the air in frustration. "How can you say that. That stupid bastard was abusing you!" My breaths are coming out harsh and fast as my heart rate picks up. I'm so fucking angry right now for him, for what he had to go through. No one deserves that, especially, not Jasper.

"Edward," he calls my name softly, trying to calm me down. "Let me explain."

"Please do, Jasper, because I don't understand at all," I huff.

"I only meant that once that happened, it was the last straw. My mom comes from nothing, and she was an only child. Her parents died when she was a senior in high school, and a week later, she found out she was pregnant with my sister. For the longest time, she didn't have a choice but to keep us there. He policed all the money before drinking it away. She was waitressing at the time, though, saving up cash tips for years. When she got home with my sister that night, and saw my blackeye, I broke down. We left that evening while my dad was out at the bar on a bender, packing only what could fit in the car, and we never looked back."

"Jasper..." I start, not sure what to say.

"God," he interrupts, shaking his head. "That all sounds so white trash, doesn't it? They could write a million country songs about my life."

"I don't even know what to say..."

"You don't have to say anything," he starts.

"No," I interject. "Listen, Jasper. It's just... thank you for sharing that with me. You are, without a doubt, one of the strongest people I have ever met."

"Why?" He asks, almost angrily. "Because I can withstand a beating. That's not strong, Edward..."

"That's not what I'm saying," I reply in a calm voice. "I know we haven't known each other very long, but you are one of the nicest guys I've ever met, and I'm so glad we ended up rooming together because your friendship already means a lot to me. For you to come from something so horrible, you have every right to be angry..."

"I'm angry," he snaps. "It's just not anyone's burden to carry but my own, Edward."

"It shouldn't be your burden, either, Jasper," I say to him, placing my hand back on his shoulder. "Your father is a bad man, but it's not your fault. You didn't deserve that from him!"

"I know, I know," he sighs, surreptitiously wiping his eyes. "That's enough of this Dr. Phil moment, Edward. Tell me something about you."

"What do you want to know?"

"I don't know," he shrugs. "Start with the basics."

"Well, I was born in Wilmington, Illinois, a small town outside of Chicago, and I have a sister named Alice."

"Well, those are the extreme basics, right?" He asks with a small chuckle, his mood somehow going back to normal. I still feel rather worked up about the story he just told me.

"I don't know what else you want to know," I reply with a grimace. "I'm pretty boring."

"I don't think you're boring at all," he says quietly, almost to himself. "What did you like to do back home?" He questions quickly, changing topics.

"Uh..." I struggle to come up with an answer. What did I like to do? "I... I liked to watch movies," I finally answer unintelligibly.

"Yeah?" He nods. "Me and my friends lived at the movie theater in Bastrop. There was nothing else to do," he laughs.

"I didn't really go to the movies," I respond. "I mostly rented."

"So, was your house like the party house? Everyone would come over?" He asks, giving me a smile.

"No."

"Okay..." he trails off, moving his lips from side to side during this slightly uncomfortable moment.

"I hated high school," I finally tell him, breaking the silence. "I never really hung out with the people that I went to school with...umm... outside of school."

"Oh."

"At lot of people thought we were friends, but we weren't, ya' know?" I ask, but I don't wait for him to answer. Knowing Jasper, he was Mr. Popular. "Before you and Bella, I never really considered anyone to be my friend," I continue honestly. "Besides my family, I pretty much kept to myself." Sighing, I shake my head. "God, I sound like a huge loser."

"No, no," Jasper interjects speedily. "I get it. Trust me, I do."

"Yeah, right," I say with humorless laugh.

"I get it," he states with a sense of finality, "but what I don't get is why? It's not that people didn't want to be your friend, right? You were the one who chose to keep everyone away."

"Insightful," I murmur sarcastically.

"I know," he boasts jokingly, popping the shoulder of his shirt.

I sigh, deciding to just give in and let him know it all. "Umm... I guess it started when my mom got sick." I frown, turning my face away from Jasper. "I was about twelve when she was diagnosed with Ovarian Cancer."

"God, Edward," Jasper gasps. "I am so sorry. Listen, you don't have to talk..."

"No, it's okay." I shrug. "You shared. I can, too." He nods for me to continue, keeping his eyes focused on the road.

"My dad's a doctor, so when he found out, she was the only thing he could think about. He's not an oncologist, but he was doing everything he could, signing her up for studies and shit like that. When he wasn't with my mom or at work, he locked himself in his study, scouring through his books and journals. During that time, my mom was in and out of chemo and the hospital, so she was pretty weak, always sleeping or tired. I had to step up, you know? Someone had to make sure Alice had her lunch everyday. It just seemed like there wasn't time for trivial things, and after she died," I add tentatively, and Jasper's shoulders tighten with my words, "I was in a bad place. We all were, and I had been keeping to myself for so long already. I just kept at it."

"I'm so sorry," he whispers, and I blink away the tears that I don't allow to fall anymore.

"Thanks."

"When did she die?" He questions in a soft voice, trying not to overstep his boundaries.

"I was fifteen. It'll be four years in December," I tell him, my voice breaking with my words. "Shit!" I curse under my breath. I won't allow myself to fucking cry in front of him.

"God!" I sigh. "Now, I know how you felt," I force out a chuckle. "Let's change the subject."

"Alright, how old were you when you lost your virginity," He asks, looking over at me and raising his brows suggestively.

"I... I haven't..." I stumble over my words. I have never been ashamed of my virginity before. I don't know why I feel I have to be more experienced for Jasper.

"You're still a virgin?!?" He asks with a gasp.

"God, it's not that uncommon!" I snap.

"No, no," he replies, placing his palms on the wheel with his fingers up in surrender. "That's not what I meant, it's just, look at you..." he trails off.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I question, cocking my head to the side.

"You're pretty fucking good looking, Edward," he responds, and I blush, turning my head toward the window, to hide it.

"Wha... huh... thanks?" I mumble incoherently.

"The girls must have been all over you," he states with a tension filled smile.

I shrug. "I told you that I kept to myself, but I don't think anyone was ever interested in me... like that."

He scoffs in disbelief. "Well, how about you?" I ask, turning the spotlight in his direction.

"How about me what?"

"You know," I insist, "how old were you when..."

"When I lost my virginity?" He finishes my sentence. "17."

"Oh. Your girlfriend?" I question.

"No," he responds, shaking his head. "It was like a friends with benefits type thing."

"Yeah," I say in response because I don't know what else to say.

"How far have you gone?" He asks.

I fidget in my seat, mindlessly slapping the seat belt against my chest. "Can we stop to get something to eat?" I question, changing the subject. For some reason, I'm embarrassed to tell him that I've never even kissed a girl. I never really thought about it before, but I guess it's weird to be a nineteen year old guy with absolutely no experience.

He nods, silently agreeing to drop the subject, and we turn off at the next exit, stopping at a truck stop and filling our stomachs with greasy burgers.

***~E~***

The next morning, for the first time, I wake up before Jasper. He's normally up and out before my alarm clock even goes off. We did get in pretty late last night, both of us exhausted from the whole day spent in the car and from the emotional outpour. After we ate, we kept the conversation light and easy, getting to know each other without tears. You know, the normal way. We compared everything from our music tastes to food preferences, and besides Jasper love of everything Steven Segal, we have a lot in common.

He's fucking lucky that his mom moved them to Portland because they have such an awesome Indie rock scene. A lot of bands are coming out of that area, and Jasper regaled me with tales of him using his fake ID to get into some fucking awesome shows. To say I'm jealous, would be putting it lightly.

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like to aggravate the ice-cream man on rainy afternoons..._

"Fucking Arctic Monkeys," Jasper grumbles with a yawn as my cell phone ring wakes him up. I chuckle, wishing him good morning, and flip it open.

"Hello?"

"_Hey, Edward_," Bella greets me. "_I didn't wake you did I_?"

"No, I was up. How's your dad?" I question, and she goes into detail about what the doctor's have told her. Jasper gets up, running his fingers though his hair, and I watch as he grabs his shower stuff and shuffles out the room.

"_So, I'm probably going to hang around here for a little while longer_," Bella says, bringing me back into the conversation, "_and then Jake is going to drive me home_."

"That's really nice of him," I reply.

"_It's just we've been friends for a long time, you know? He probably feels obligated. That's all it is_," she insists, and I frown in confusion.

"Well, as long as he brings you back, right?" I state slowly.

"_Yeah_," she sighs. "_Well, I just wanted to let you know. I'll talk to you later_."

"Okay, call me when you get back," I answer cheerfully, trying to pick up her sudden fallen spirits before I flip the phone closed. Wondering what happened to make her sound so forlorn, I throw the covers off and sit up in bed. Jasper comes in, a towel wrapped around his waist, and I smile at him.

"That was fucking fast."

"I handle up on my business," he jokes, turning toward me with a grin. Looking down at his torso, I gasp. He's covered in scars. What the hell? Did his fucking father do that to him? Before I have the chance to ask, Jasper throws a shirt on.

"Jas..."

"I don't wanna talk about it," he mumbles, interrupting me. I sigh, but nod in agreement. My stomach grumbles loudly, causing Jasper to laugh. "Hungry?" He questions, and it makes another loud gurgling noise in response. "Well, I guess I have my answer," he laughs. "What do you wanna get?"

"How about we go out for French toast and then go find our Halloween costumes," I suggest.

"Sounds like a plan, but remind me tomorrow that I really need to hit the gym."

"Care for a workout partner?" I ask. I've been avoiding the gym pretty much all year, and it really shows when I'm standing next to Jasper. I need to stop being so lazy.

"I'd love one," he tells me with a smile. "Now, get your ass up. I'm fucking hungry."

* * *

**So, what do you think? I hope this explains a little bit more why the boys are the way they are. They're both pretty complex, lots of layers... yadda, yadda, yadda. ;) **

**Edward's ringtone if you're interested is Cryin' Lightening by Arctic Monkeys.**

**I'll try to get together some of the next chapter, so I can send you a snippet in review replies. Thanks!!**


	6. Jasper & the Intoxicated Indian

**Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. I got some really lovely reviews for last chapter, and it truly means a lot to me when I get y'all's feedback. Huge thanks to Sarah (PhoenixRising25) and Alisha (Mombailey) for pre-reading and looking over the chapters. Those two gals are quite the catch. ;)**

**I had a dream the other day that I wrote these books that made me millions, and then I woke up. *pulls pockets from jeans* Yep, just as I suspected - empty.**

* * *

"What do you think of when you see this shirt?" Edward asks me, his eyes hopeful. He's holding up a funky gray t-shirt with a few holes in it. I somehow fight back the grimace that is threatening to take over my face. I would never want to see beautiful Edward in something so ratty. I love the way he looks. His relaxed yet structured skateboarderesque style fits him to a T. It doesn't make that much sense when you think about it, but when he's standing before you, it's fucking perfect.

"Umm..." I pretend to seriously consider it as I run my fingers through my hair. "I would think that the owner of that shirt was blind."

He looks confused for a moment before questioning my reasoning. "Because that," I inform him with a laugh as I touch the faded fabric in his hands, "is ugly as fuck." I nod in a matter-of-fact manner, and he frowns, placing it in front of his body as he looks in the mirror. He pursues his lips in a straight line before his tongue darts out, wetting his lush bottom lip, leaving a glistening trail of pure Edward behind.

Fuck me. Please.

"So, it doesn't look like a construction worker shirt?" he asks, his voice quiet, seeking confirmation. It feels good to know that my opinion matters to him. For most of my life, everything was decided for me, and it was never with my best interest or want in mind. Edward constantly seeks me out on decisions and discussions, urging me on in every conversation. He's just so interested in what I have to say, my life... me. Still with others, besides Edward or my mother and sister, I'm content to be on the outskirts, only inserting my input when it's absolutely necessary, and normally only about superficial things.

My private life was just that – private. I only let people in to a certain degree. Yesterday on the ride back, I was shocked from our conversation. I don't talk about those horrible events with my family, but I found myself opening up, trusting him with my darkest secrets, my ugly past. He was so emotional about it all, his anger at my father radiating through his body, projecting from his eyes and words. It fucking warmed my heart to see that he cared about me, but it's not like I could tell him that. I mean, shit, warms my heart? How fucking gay does that sound?

Even with our talk of sex, I couldn't tell Edward my true orientation. He might understand, be open minded, but if he isn't, if he rejects me, it's going to hurt. He's the first person I've really let in, and if that backfires, I don't know how I'd stand it. My overwhelming attachment to his friendship after only one week is really fucking scary, but at the same time, it feels... nice? God, I don't even know what I'm talking about. Would I feel this way if my cock didn't ache for this gorgeous boy in front of me? Would I still care about his opinions of me as much as I do now if he was less attractive? I'd like to think so, but the niggling feeling of doubt is still there.

Above all else, my romantic notions toward him are stronger than anything else, and as much as I try, I can't seem to overcome it. In one way or another, I'm going to get hurt, by a motherfucking virgin, no less.

My cock hardens at the thought of Edward's naked virgin body, spread out before on my bed, a buffet for my senses. I could make him feel so much, so good.

My eyes clear when Edward snaps his fingers in front of my face, trying to break into my glazed over mind. I have no idea how long I was out of it, contemplating my relationship, or lack of relationship, with Edward, and I smile guiltily in his direction.

"Jeez, Jasper, where the fuck did you just go?" He smirks at me, and I shrug in return.

"My happy place," I joke. "Now, what did you ask me before I spaced?"

He holds the shirt in his hand up, wiggling in my line of vision. "So, this isn't a construction worker shirt?"

"I don't know." I reply with a laugh. "What exactly is a 'construction worker' shirt?" I ask, using finger quotes to be obnoxious.

"I'd figured it would probably be dirty, right? I mean they're like building shit for a living."

"Well said, Edward," I laugh. "I suppose they are like building shit for a living," I retort, snatching the t-shirt from his grasp, "but this does not make me think of construction worker, more like... homeless person."

He scoffs in disagreement, but puts the t-shirt down and turns back to the round of rack of previously owned clothing. "What you need, Edward, is like a yellow plaid button-up with blue jeans," I tell him as I slide t-shirt after t-shirt across the metal bar.

"Hmm... and a blue jean jacket with the sleeves cut off?" He questions with a laugh.

"Fuck, yeah," I agree. "If you do that, though, you have to cut off the sleeves to the shirt as well."

"But, of course," he chortles, lifting his hand, and I happily slap it.

"Did we really just high five?" I joke.

"It's a classic," he retorts, nodding his head in amusement. "So, what are you gonna be?" He turns to me with a pointed look.

"I have a pair of cowboy boots in my closet," I tell him. "Would it be too fucking cliché for the boy from Texas to go as a cowboy?"

"Well, you've got the accent down," he states seriously. "The real question is, though, do you have any chaps?" He snorts, clearly finding himself funny. I debate calling him out on it, but I don't, merely shaking my head at him. "Hey!" he exclaims, turning all the way toward me, his eyes alight with excitement over his new idea. He's so fucking cute. "We could go to a fabric store and buy some stuff to make chaps. I don't know, just like glue them to some jeans or something."

"Do you actually think we could do that?" I ask in disbelief.

"Probably," he mumbles, scrunching his face in thought, "but if not, I'm sure you can buy chaps at a Halloween store."

Running my fingers through my hair, I consider it for a moment. "The Halloween store would probably be a better plan," I say with a laugh. "Plus, you can find a hat and a tool belt to complete your costume."

He turns to me and smiles, and I can't help but smile back. "Alright, we can go there after here if you want."

"Sounds like a plan." I flip through the t-shirts for a little while longer until I find an old baseball tee that's just my size and style. I look over it, pleased with my bargain find. "Did you find anything you wanna get?" I ask Edward. He shows me two button-up shirts, a lumberjack plaid and solid blue jean, and I nod. "Those will be perfect."

***~J~***

"Come on, Edward," I encourage him from above. "You can do this. It's only seventy-five."

"Fuck," he grunts, his face turning red from the strain as he slides the bar back onto the rack. "Yeah, but I lifted it fifty damn times. My arms are tired." He sits, legs on either side of the bench, his sweat stained back facing me, mocking me with the way the shirt clings to his skin. "I thought we'd start out easy."

"This is easy. We started out even easier on Monday," I remind him. "Today is Friday."

I thought that living with Edward was tough, but that was before we started working out together. Sweaty and flexing muscles, his hard and lean body, deep breaths and grunts and groans – it's almost more than I can take.

After Monday, I thought nothing would be as fucking hot as watching Edward lift weights, the ebb and flow of his muscles as they contracted with each lift or push, his red face contorted into sheer concentration as he exerted his strength. Edward doesn't have the biggest muscles, but his entire body is tight and powerful. After a particular difficult set, he wiped his face with the bottom of his t-shirt, and as his abs were exposed, I literally had to bite my tongue to keep from moaning out loud.

Tuesday morning, when he informed me he'd join me again, I decided I couldn't take any more weights, so we focused on cardio running a few miles on the track outside the stadium, basking in the early morning sunshine that so rarely makes itself known in Seattle. How was I to know Edward's physique was made for this type of exercise? I ran next to him, always a half of a step behind if I could help it, so I could watch the muscles in his ass flex and bounce with each stride. His muscles worked seamlessly together as we swiftly jogged around and around. When we had our fill, we stopped, both panting and relaxing our burning muscles. He started to walk, stretching his legs absentmindedly. My eyes were drawn to the sweat clinging to his body, drenching his clothes in whimsical patterns, and I wanted to lick his entire body clean.

Then, unfortunately and at the same time very fortunately, we repeated my torture every day for the rest of the week. I've never known you could enjoy something and absolutely dread it simultaneously, but that was indeed the case in this situation. It has been a never ending cycle of hidden erections and furious masturbation. My jerk off sessions could be read like the shampoo bottle I use as lube in the shower. Lather, Rinse, Repeat.

Edward shakes his head and stands up on shaky legs. "We've been here for an hour already. I'm hungry and," he lifts an arm, sniffing his arm pit, "less than fresh. Can we call it a day." He looks up at me, giving me an imploring look, verging on puppy dog eyes.

"First of all, that was fucking nasty," I say with a small, fake shudder. "I can't believe you just sniffed your pit." In all actuality, the idea does anything but repulse me, but I can't let that show. I can only imagine Edward's musky smell concentrated by the physical strain on his body. I would love to run my tongue over his body and through the coarse hair that sits in the sensitive area under his arm as I fuck him senseless. The thought alone has me more than half hard in my pants.

"Like you've never done that," he scoffs before his voice rises into a slightly whiny tone. "Please say we're done for the day, Jasper."

As I'm about to give in, I feel a small tap on my shoulder, so I turn, looking down into the eyes of a small blond girl. She's wearing the tightest workout attire I've ever seen, and her cosmetically enhanced chest is practically bursting out of the gray sports bra. "Excuse me," she says in almost a baby tone. My eyes scan for Edward in peripheral vision, finding him looking back and forth between me and the girl with a sour look on his face.

"Hi," I greet her in a dull voice.

"I was wondering if you could help me?" she asks as she curls her small hand around my bicep. I'm sure a hetero man would find this arousing, but all I can feel are her artificial nails on my skin and the lack of callouses and strength. She does absolutely nothing for me.

I stare at her for a moment longer, most likely encouraging her to continue her obvious seductress routine. "What do you need help with, darlin'?" I ask, turning on the charm because I honestly can't help it. The smooth talking, the facade and the flirting are second nature. It's the way I make people like me. If you make people comfortable, give them what they want from you, they don't ask questions, and they don't try to get more from you. It's like a flip is switched, and I'm fourteen again, hiding the bruises and cuts with a bravado bigger than the size of Texas.

She licks her lips, and I fight back the urge to frown in disgust. "You're a big strong guy," she purrs. "You obviously work out. I'm trying to do some curls, but I'm not sure of the correct form I need to have." She picks up a five pound weight from the rack of hand weights, and holds it in her right hand. She bends over slightly, sticking her bottom out in my direction, resting her other hand on the balance bar.

Edward fidgets next to me, and I turn to him with a small smile. He looks at me for a moment and then back at the girl with wide eyes, trying to working out something in his head.

"Is this right?" she questions as she start to curl her arm, focusing the lift to work her triceps. From her stance and movements, she knows what she's doing, and I'm getting bored with this entire game.

"That's perfect," I say with a smile, and then turn and leave the weight room.

I don't stop until I reach the men's locker room, grabbing a white, rough towel from the stack by the door. Edward calls out my name after he enters, the door swinging shut behind him. "What was that about?"

I turn to him, keeping my eyes locked on a spot above his head. "What was _what_ about?"

"That girl," he practically whispers, pointing his finger toward the door. "You were talking to her, and then, you just ran off."

I shrug, pulling my sweaty t-shirt over my head. "She was doing everything correctly. She didn't need my help."

He rubs his face with his hands and bites his bottom lip between his teeth. He's doesn't even know what he does to me with shit like that. "I mean," he starts, mumbling through his words, "she was... um... interested in you, right?"

"You noticed that?" I ask in disbelief, arching my brows.

"Yeah," he replies, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot. "What's that supposed to mean?"

What's that supposed to mean? I almost throw it back at him in a scathing tone. Fucking ridiculous. He doesn't notice the way I can't take my eyes off of him, or the way Bella throws herself at him every three seconds, clinging to him like he belongs to her. But, he notices this, some inconsequential girl at the gym? Instead, I merely shake my head and grumble, "nothing."

"Well, you should ask her out," he tells me in a quiet voice. "Right?"

No, Edward, not right. That is never going to be _right_. I was not expecting these words from him, this conversation from someone who seems to be almost asexual. I was also not expecting how these words would hurt. I don't want him to encourage me to go after girls. I get that from all the other fucktards I hang out with. I want my relationship with Edward to be different, but it's not like he's going to automatically know I'm gay. I'm not flamboyant or feminine. Still I want him to know the truth, to know me, but once again, I'm a piece of chicken shit. "She's not my type."

"Oh." His mouth stays open, a perfect little circle of lips and teeth and tongue lying in wait. "What is your type?" he asks, and it would be so easy to say "you." To grab him, to force my mouth on him, but I don't want to force him into anything. He's never going to come willingly, so I'm stuck up a shit creek without a paddle.

"She was way too small," I mumble as I slip my shirt back on. "Hey, let's just take showers at the dorm. I've got a bitch of a headache all the sudden," I lie, and he nods, grabbing his bag out one of the lockers. I practically run through the parking lot to my car, with Edward on my heels, and make it back to the dorm and into the room in less than ten minutes.

I pace the room until Edward comes back, freshly washed with skin tinged red from the hot water. I gulp as images of the towel falling from his waist assault my mind, and I grab my stuff for the shower in a hurry. "See ya later," I call out to him as the heavy door slams behind me. I run to the shower, grateful that my favorite stall is empty, throwing open the curtain and hiding behind it until my breathing returns to normal.

After a few minutes of heaving breathing, I undress and place my things on the bench outside the stalls. I fiddle with the knobs, jumping as the initial cold water shocks my hot body, relaxing once the heat kicks in. I let the crappy pressure tickle against the tightness in my neck.

If only it didn't anything for the tightness in my dick. I'm getting fucking sick of jacking off in the shower, but what else can I do? Every day, Edward lingers when he touches me or licks his lips... or blinks. Honestly, it doesn't take much. I'm going to have to find someone else to take my mind off Edward because I'm about to lose it.

I've been attracted to plenty of guys before, but I've never wanted anyone the way I want Edward. I even considered myself to be in love with Peter, but now, I'm not so sure about all that. I wonder how Edward would take it if I told him my friend with benefits that I lost my virginity with had a dick?

I squirt some conditioner into my hand and gently graze my shaft with my cupped hand, covering myself completely with the make shift lubricant. I stare at the blue green tile for a moment before I close my eyes, picturing Edward behind my lids. His startling green eyes look my body up and down, practically consuming me, making me feel how completely naked I am. I picture Edward wrapping me in his arms and kissing me deeply, groaning together as our mouths work in tandem. I prop myself up against the wall, leaning my head on my forearm, taking a more secure hold on my cock. As a small moan escapes my lip, I let myself slip completely into fantasy.

"Do you like my hand on you, stroking your beautiful cock?" Edward asks, his voice a whisper in my ear, making the little hairs all stand up and sending shivers down my spine. I groan in agreement, bucking into his warm hand. "Yeah... mmm... you feel so good, Jasper," he moans, and I lean back against his body, concentrating on the feel of his hard chest against my back and his dick nestled between my cheeks. He grinds against me, enticing me with his swift movements, and I want his cock more than I've ever wanted anything, ever.

I need it.

"I want you... in my... mouth," I breathe out, struggling to get through such a short sentence. He has magic fingers which completely inhibit me from forming a coherent thought. "Let me... god... suck you, Edward. I wanna... like that... faster... swallow your cum."

"Oh, yeah?" he teases, palming my head. "Can you take all of me down your throat, baby? I don't know if you can." He slides his stiff shaft between my ass cheeks, and I gasp as he squeezes his fist around my dick, almost to the point of pain. "Fuck my hand, Jasper. I want you to fuck it like you'd fuck my tight, little ass," he murmurs as his tongue traces the shell of my ear. He nibbles, before taking my lobe into his mouth.

"Oh, god," I moan. "I'd fuck you so good, darlin'. You know I would!"

He runs his tongue along the back of my neck, biting down where my neck meets my shoulder. "Oh, I know how good you'd fuck me, baby. I feel empty without you inside me, filling me up, making me cum. You know how I love it," he murmurs.

He speeds up his hand, matching his thrusts behind me with the strokes of his fist. "I'm so close," I pant, "Gonna... Edward!" I scream as my body convulses and my knees go weak.

After running my hand over my cock a few more times, until I'm bone dry, I place both hands against the tile, making a mental note to wash any part of me that touched the wall thoroughly, and wait until my breath returns to normal.

If only imagination Edward was actually imitating real life Edward. Fucking if only...

***~J~***

"Do I have to wear the mustache?" he asks again, and I nod, laughing.

"I'm wearing one, too," I point to the fake mustaches stuck above my lip. "Why are you complaining?" I ask as I run my fingers over my new hairy lip. "It's pretty manly."

He scoffs. "It feels like carpet!"

I laugh. "Well, Edward, they cost two fucking dollars. What did you expect?"

He looks at himself in the mirror for the thirtieth time that evening, frowning at his reflection. I turn around to slip on my chaps, rolling my eyes. I have no idea what he's so worried about. He looks fucking perfect. "Put on your hat," I tell him as I slip on my cowboy hat.

He does and turns around to face me. He'd make a sexy construction worker. That's for damn sure. Edward ripped the sleeves off both of his shirts, leaving the blue jean one unbuttoned over the plaid. He has on pretty tight jeans as well, boots, a hard hat and tool belt. I'm going to have a hard time peeling my eyes away from him. "It's perfect," I say to him with a friendly smile.

"Really?" he asks in a doubtful voice. "I feel kinda stupid."

"It's Hall-o-ween," I stress the word, "you're supposed to feel a little stupid. That's part of the fun." I laugh, fixing my two six-shooters around my hips.

"I just haven't dressed up since I was like ten," he mumbles as he touches the fake mustache once again.

"Then you are in for a treat, Edward, my man," I chuckle, clapping him on the back. "Candy is good and all, but Halloween is a whole lot more fun with alcohol involved."

"I don't..." he trails off, shifting uncomfortably from foot to foot.

"What?" I ask, turning my complete attention to him.

"I don't drink," he mumbles.

I shrug, smiling at him. "That's okay, Edward. No one is going to force you to drink."

"Well," he starts again, "it's not really that I don't drink, more like, I've never."

"Do you want to?"

"Maybe?" he responds. "Honestly, Jasper, and I'm gonna sound like a total loser for admitting this, but I've never been to a party before."

"Don't worry about it, dude," I tell him, hoping to ease his worries. "You aren't missing much, really. Let's just let loose and have fun tonight. You build us some houses, and I'll rope us some cows," I joke. "It'll be a blast."

He laughs, and releases some of the tension from his body. "I'd like to see you rope a cow, Jasper," he snickers.

"Is that doubt I hear in your voice?" I ask in disbelief. "I was raised in Texas, Edward."

"So, did you live on a farm?"

"Well, no," I admit. "I've been on plenty of farms, though."

"Yeah, well, I've gotten a lot of haircuts, doesn't make me a motherfucking barber, does it?" He arches his brows, his eyes twinkling with amusement.

"Wow, you should take that act on the road," I deadpan. "You're hilarious."

"That's what they tell me," he says with a smile. "Come on. Let's go pick up Bella."

We decide to walk to Bella's dorm and to the party, so we don't have to worry about finding a sober ride home. As we stroll across campus, we make small chat about nothing important -things we want to do next week, school, our work outs. Edward brings up a movie he wants to see, and we make plans to go to it next weekend. When he and I are standing outside Bella's dorm, he calls her and tells her to get her ass down here. I laugh because he does, but it makes me more than a little pissed. Edward shouldn't be thinking about Bella's ass.

At that moment, she bursts out the door and into his arms, her _extremely_ short skirt flapping in the wind behind her, flashing me peeks of lacy things that I do not want to see. My heart drops into my gut because with oblivious as Edward is, even **HE** is going to be thinking about Bella's ass in this outfit.

"Um... It's good to see you too," he mumbles as he removes Bella from his body. She smiles warmly at him before turning to greet me.

"Wow, Jasper, save a horse..."

I cut her off before she continues. "Bella!"

"What?" she asks, with a lazy smile and glassy eyes. She winks at me before pantomiming using a lasso. At least, I think that's what she's doing.

I arch my brow at her and then start laughing. "You're wasted!" I accuse her, and Edward spins toward her, examining her more closely. "What have you been up to?"

She runs her hands over her skirt, straightening her tiny Native American costume. I take a moment to really looks how she's dressed. Normally, Bella is so reserved, but tonight, she looks anything but. I guess it's true what they say – the freaks come out on Halloween. Bella's costume is basically a scrap of brown fabric wrapped around her bottom and chest, completely revealing her stomach. She has her hair in pigtails with a leather band around her head and a feather sticking out. She has a beautiful Jade necklace resting against her collarbone, and I take a moment to really admire the craftsmanship. It must be what her friend Jacob made for her. It seems a little too much to give to someone your just friendly with, if you ask me.

She sways slightly, and Edward throws an arm around her. "What have you had to drink?" he asks, looking at her in concern.

"Dunno," she says with a small shrug before turning to Edward with a gasp. "Jane destroyed my costume," she whines, looking down at her practically bare body. "Look how short she made everything!" I am actually relieved that Bella didn't want to look so slutty, and she was somehow coerced into it. She is a really nice girl, and honestly, I can't fault her for wanting Edward... as much as I'd like to.

"Okay, well that explains why your dressed like a harlot Pocahontas, but why are you drunk?" I question as we walk and Bella stumbles to the party.

"It's pretty obvious, Jasper," she snorts. "Jane and I pre-partied in our room. Duh. Then once the giggling started, she sliced my costume in half." Bella makes a whooshing noise and slashes her hand the air. I turn to Edward, and he shakes his head at me before giving her a weird look. He asks for a moment, holding his pointer finger in the air, and then bends down to tie his boot.

"Okay, well how drunk are you?" I ask her when we stop to wait for Edward.

She looks down at wistfully at Edward's back, sighing deeply. "I'm only tipsy," she tells me without taking her eyes off Edward. "I'll make sure to drink some water at the party."

I nod. "Why did you feel like you needed to pre-party?" I ask timidly.

She looks at me imploringly before glancing back down at Edward. "To be brave," she whispers. At that moment, Edward stands up, and we start walking again. My mind is spinning from Bella's words, and I'm not looking forward to where her bottled bravery is going to lead her... more over, to whom it's going to lead her.

"How many blocks does James live from campus?" Edward asks me.

I smile at him. His face is glowing under the street light, and he's just so damn good looking. Really, it's almost too much. "It's about two blocks from here. It won't take long."

"That's what she said!" Bella screeches, following it up with a big snort. Both of us turn to her with puzzled expressions. "What?" she asks, her face the perfect mask of innocence. "That was funny. Why aren't you laughing?" She pouts, and Edward chuckles because he's too nice for his own good.

"See, it's funny," she slurs. "Edward thinks I'm funny because Edward likes me."

"Of course I do, Bells," he insists, squeezing her tight in a side hug. Shit.

"I knew it," she whispers with a giant, smug grin on her face. "Oh, I was starting to have my doubts," she continues, giving me a pointed look, "what a relief," she sighs, leaning deeper into Edward's side.

I clench my jaw, gritting my teeth together from being rude to a female. That look she just gave me! Does she know? It seems like it. Fuck.

"What the hell are you talking about?" Edward asks her with a laugh. "You are utterly absurd."

"Jasper knows what I'm talking about," she tells him. "Don't you, Jasper?" She turns to me with an imploring smile. "I wasn't imagining it, was I?" She questions in a confused tone. "I mean you..."

"OH, look we're here!" I exclaim, interrupting her with my loud statement. "Let's get inside," I continue with a fake smile. "I mean, you must be freezing. You're barely wearing any clothes."

As if she suddenly remembers that she's half naked, her eyes dart to her exposed body. "I can't go into a party like this," she cries out, clenching her fists into the front of Edward's shirt. "I shouldn't even be outside like this!"

"Like, Jasper said to me earlier, it's Halloween, Bells," Edward says warmly. "It's going to be fun. Don't worry so much. You look great."

She smiles, releasing his shirt until her hands are resting flat against his chest. "You think so?" she practically purrs.

I quickly grab one of her hands and spin her around, tugging her behind me. "Come on!"

"What's the rush, man?" Edward calls out from behind me, but I ignore him. I knock on the door, and James opens it. He's dressed like a police officer, mirrored sunglasses and all.

"Jasper," he greets me, and we pump fists. "What's up?"

"I heard there was a party here," I laugh, and he holds the door open for us to come in.

"You heard right," he replies to me while his eyes are glued to Bella. "And, who might you be?" he directs at her with a smarmy smile.

"B-Bella," she stutters, and he winks, taking her hand and kissing her knuckles. I watch Edward's face for any sign of jealousy, but he looks amused by the whole situation.

"Jasper!" A voice calls out behind me.

I lift my head in greeting to Laurent, our resident French Rastafarian. He might have been raised on croissants and tea, but now all he cares about is Bob Marley and weed. To him, they go hand in hand. Tonight, he's got his dreadlocks pulled behind him in a pony tail, and he's dressed in a Navy uniform. "It's good to see you in something other than tie die," I tell him, and he shrugs.

"Well, mon," he says in his French-Jamaican accent, "eet's 'Alloween, no? I'm just... how you say... blending in with the Americans. We never do this in France, mon." I nod, somehow keeping a straight face. It's always a constant struggle when I'm speaking with him because he's fucking ridiculous.

"Yeah," is all I say in response.

"Jasper," a warm voice whispers behind me, and I smile despite myself. I turn to face Edward. He gives me a strange look and then stares at James who has arm around Bella as his fingers drift over her necklace. He's whispering in her ear, and she has a permanent blush on her cheeks. "Can we trust James?" He seems genuinely concerned about Bella, and if I'm being perfectly honest, no, we can not trust James. He is a slimeball when it comes to women.

"You should probably keep an eye on her tonight," I say to Edward, mentally kicking myself at the same time. "Come on," I grumble, and I walk over to the them as James traps Bella between his arms, her back flush against the wall. I put a hand on his shoulder and pull him back, shaking my head at him. "Not her," I say in a voice only he can hear.

"Fine." He shrugs, his eyes immediately scanning the room for his next willing victim. Victoria runs up, dressed in what appears to be lingerie and cat ears, waving a camera at the group of us.

"Smile!" She holds the camera above her eye as the five of us huddle together. She clicks a shot and then looks at it on the monitor. She laughs. "Oh god. You guys are practically the Village People!" I look around at the five us and groan. She's fucking right. "Well, you're missing the flaming biker covered in leather," she points out, still giggling.

"Plus, Bella doesn't have a dick," I say and immediately regret it. Edward gives me funny look, and I'm not sure how to interpret it.

James moves closer to Bella, trailing his fingers down her arm. "That's a good thing," he murmurs to her. "I would hate to find out you were actually Girl-With-Balls-Between-Her-Legs." He starts laughing hysterically at the Native American name he just gave Bella, and she pulls away with a huff. She runs to Edward's side, and he smiles down at her. He makes no move to touch her, and I'm satisfied for the moment. Even though she's standing in one spot, she seems to be wobbling around quite a lot, and I'm waiting for the moment she tumbles over. Edward looks down at her and frowns, chivalrously giving his arm to her to help support her.

"Let's go get you some water," he tells Bella, and she nods happily, looking up at him adoringly. I wistfully watch them walk away until someone clears their throat behind me. I spin around to find James, Victoria and Laurent staring at me.

"What?" I ask defensively as my eyes dart back toward Edward.

"She ees very lovely, mon," Laurent says. "Do you vant her to be your lady friend?"

"My lady... what? What are you talking about?" I question uncomfortably, fidgeting with the cowboy hat on my head.

"Oh, come off it, man!" James laughs. "You've got a total hard on for her." I just stare at him for a moment, mouth agape. I'm about to deny it, but Victoria speaks first.

"You're not the only one," she sneers with a smug grin on her face.

"What are you talking about?" She points over my shoulder, and I turn to see Bella and Edward locked in an embrace, kissing each other deeply.

What the fuck?

No.

I want to rip them apart with my bare hands. I want to scream at her. Tell her that he's not hers, and that he belongs to me, that he's meant to be with me! Did he kiss her? Did he ACTUALLY kiss her? HE doesn't even seem to notice girls, but then, he knew that girl at the gym was flirting with me. Maybe, he's not as asexual as I thought. Maybe, he was just waiting for the right moment with Bella. Is that what he considers the right moment? A party surrounded with drunk college students dressed as pirates and vampires? This is how he wanted his first kiss to be?

His first kiss... his first motherfucking kiss. I've lost him. I never had him, but I've definitely lost him now. I'm stuck here forever, in the friend zone. Fucking Edward with his fucking hair and his beautiful smile and his sparkling eyes and his hot body and his charming personality and his tight ass and his...

"Who wants to take a shot?" James' voice interrupts my internal angst, and I smile humorlessly.

"Make mine a triple."

* * *

**Well, well, well. I can't wait to hear what you guys think. I know a lot of you find Bella annoying, and honestly, I'm not trying to present her that way. She is just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to.... wait. What? Sorry, I kind of went off on a tangent. I do want to know what you think the spark of that kiss was? We'll get the tailend of the Halloween Party from Edward's POV next chapter, so get excited!**

**Review. It's better than miniature sized candy bars, and we all remember that those were the best loot after trick-or-treating. ;)**

**Thanks!**


	7. Edward & Vomit Stained Boots

**Hello! Thanks to everyone for continually reading and reviewing. I love to hear back from all of you. It makes my day. :) I know y'all were anxious for this chapter, so I'll just let you get to it. **

**Twilight? Not mine.**

* * *

I stop behind Jasper after he releases Bella's hand. God, she had such a death grip on my shirt as she freaked about her lack of costume, I thought she was going to tear the buttons off completely. When Jasper started pulling her up the walkway, I had no choice but to be dragged behind them. He steps up to the blue door of a pretty shabby blue house with peeling paint about three blocks from campus. It looks like a dump, but I guess this is a normal college guy living situation. A roach crawls across the wooden porch, and I grimace.

This place is disgusting.

I adjust my stupid mustache once more, making sure it is good and stuck to my face as Jasper knocks. The door is pulled open by a guy dressed like a cop, and his face breaks out into a smile when his eyes land on Jasper. This must be James.

He calls out Jasper's name, and they lift their fists, bumping knuckles. "What's up?"

"I heard there was a party here," Jasper replies with a laugh, and I smile, nudging Bella gently with my arm. She looks up at me, and I give her an encouraging nod. I'm glad she's not freaking out anymore.

"You heard right," he retorts, raising his eye brows behind his mirrored sunglasses. His head shifts in Bella's direction the moment Jasper walks through the door, but with his glasses still on, it's hard to tell exactly where he's looking. "And, who might you be?" He asks with a creepy smile. Yeah, he's definitely talking to Bella.

"B-Bella," she stutters out her name. He lowers his glasses, winking at her from atop the lenses before kissing her knuckles. She turns completely red, and I have to turn my head to hold back my laughter. Bella is so easily embarrassed.

"Jasper!" He spins around to whoever is calling his name. I don't want to be that guy – the one that follows his friend around because he doesn't know anyone else, so I turn my attention toward the living room which is on the right. There seem to be a good number of people here, dancing, laughing and drinking. I feel more than a little out of my element, but I expected that. Maybe, I should have pre-partied like Bella, but then, I've never drank before. It's probably best that I didn't.

"You wanna puff on my peace pipe?" James asks lewdly, and I look back toward Bella. He is consistently taking tiny steps toward her, and she is moving backwards at the same rate. Shit. Do I step in, tap him on the shoulder and ask him to back up? I don't want to be disrespectful. I mean, this is his party, but Bella is my friend, and she is pretty drunk.

I should definitely do something.

"Jasper," I whisper his name to get his attention. He's talking to some guy dressed like a seaman, but with dreadlocks pulled into a ponytail. He has a lot of colored beads tied into his hair which are clicking together noisily since he moves his head around very animatedly when he talks. It's all rather distracting.

Jasper turns around, brows raised in question, and I try to give him an imploring look, widening my eyes and jerking my head toward Bella. "Can we trust James?" I ask quietly, and he turns toward them and frowns. I look back to find Bella with her back flat against the wall with a look of shock and confusion on her face.

"You should probably keep an eye on her tonight," he tells me, and I nod. He walks over to them, placing his hand on James' shoulder and whispering in his ear. James shrugs but backs off, and Bella walks over to me.

Before I can go over to Jasper to thank him for stepping in, Victoria walks up, dressed like a very slutty cat and waving a camera around like she's found the meaning of life. My face immediately falls. I cannot stand that girl.

"Smile!" She calls out in her sickeningly sweet voice, and I am pushed into the middle of the five of us with Bella and Jasper on either side of me. She takes the picture, immediately checking the screen to see how it came out. She begins to laugh. "Oh, god. You guy's are practically the Village People!" I'm not exactly sure who they are besides that Y.M.C.A song, but I take it that they dressed in costumes. "Well, you're missing the flaming biker covered in leather," she continues, and I wish she'd stop talking. Her voice is grating on my nerves.

"Plus, Bella doesn't have a dick!" Jasper blurts out. He knows how easily Bella is flustered. Why would he yell out something like that? I give him a look, hoping to show my dismay.

"That's good," James adds in a greasy tone. He runs his fingers down Bella's arm. She shudders, and I can't imagine it was from enjoyment. "I would hate to find out you were actually Girl-With-Balls-Between-Her-Legs." He starts laughing hard at his words, and if he wasn't talking about Bella, I'd probably be laughing as well. She grimaces and moves quickly to my side, practically hiding behind me. I smile at her, trying to silently give her my support. I turn back toward the group. In the corner of my eye, I notice Bella swaying back and forth.

I might have never been drunk before, but I do know she needs some non alcoholic fluids to rehydrate. I look down at her with a frown, offering her my arm to keep her upright. "Let's go get you some water," I suggest, and she nods, giving me a grateful smile.

The moment we step into the adjoining room, Bella stops, so I do as well. "This isn't the kitchen," I say in pretend shock, and she giggles.

"Edward," she says quietly, almost to the point where I can't hear her, so I lean closer. "I wanted to give you something," she trails off, biting her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What?"

She pushes up on her toes and wraps her arms around me, pulling me down to her. She hesitates for a moment before placing her lips tentatively on mine. Oh my god. She's kissing me. What the hell?

While my mind runs through question after question, Bella moves her mouth against mine, taking my bottom lip between hers. Shit. That feels nice. I mean, of course it does, I'm kissing someone. Not just anyone, though. I'm kissing Bella... in the middle of a crowded party.

Bella!

"Bel..." I start, but I'm quickly interrupted by her tongue. Her tongue is in my mouth. What do I do? Fuck. I should move my tongue, right? That's what people do when they're kissing. I flick my tongue against hers, and she moans into my mouth.

Okay, I think that means she likes that. I do it again. Same response. Maybe, I'm not horrible at this which is good since I've never done this before. Honestly, at this point, what the hell else am I supposed to do, so we continue to kiss. I swallow, noticing that my mouth is extra wet, and my mind starts to wander. Is this all my spit? Is this also Bella's spit?

With that thought, the moment is kind of over for me, so I pull back. She smiles lazily, pecking my lips once more before resting her forehead against my chest. "Edward," she releases my name with a sigh, exhaling deeply. She lets out a little noise of amusement as her fingers play with the hair at the back of my head. I wish she'd drop her hands. I'm trapped between her arms, standing awkwardly since I am hunched over.

"What was that?" I mumble, finally finding my voice, but apparently not my brain since I state the obvious. "You kissed me."

She nods, not removing her face from the front of my shirt. "So..." she says, pulling the monosyllabic word out to prompt me to speak. I have no idea what she wants me to say.

"So..." I repeat.

She sighs, and I wish she'd let me go. "What did you think about that?"

"About you kissing me?"

"About us kissing, yes," she states, pulling back to look up at me. Her eyes search my face for something, but I'm not sure what.

"It was nice."

"Nice?" she questions, looking disappointed. "That's all?"

"You caught me off guard." I quickly add.

"Oh," she says in a quiet voice as her eyes fill with tears. Shit. I can't make her cry. That's not what I intended.

"No, no, no... I mean, I was almost too shocked to really respond." I stumble over my words, hoping to appease her and stop the tears from falling.

She looks confused, and I smile down at her, trying to smooth over this whole situation. "So," she says, looking up at me from under her eyelashes and placing her palm flat on my chest. "Do you want to try again?"

"Again?" I gulp, and she licks her lips, nodding and leaning closer.

Before I have time to figure out if I do indeed want to try again, her mouth is on mine. I give into the kiss, moving my lips with hers. For a moment, I leave my eyes open, awkwardly watching her face. She seems really into kissing me.

It feels nice, don't get me wrong, but I just always thought there would be something more, something electric. Honestly, though, I never gave much consideration to kissing in the first place. Before my mother got sick, I was too young to notice girls, and after, I was too busy and much too sullen for that sort of thing.

Bella makes a sort of mewing sound, like a content kitten before deepening the kiss. I take her tongue into my mouth again, circling mine around hers. Am I doing this right? She seems to enjoy it. That's good at least.

What does this mean? Does Bella like me like that, or is she merely drunk? Jasper did say the other day that he thought we were going on a double date, and Bella touches me quite a bit. I think. I'm not sure it's more than other girls normally touch guys, though. That Victoria had her hands all over Jasper in the cafeteria, and they're not dating. Does that mean she likes him, though? Does he like that red headed whore? I don't want to believe or even think about that.

Bella's teeth scrape painfully against my bottom lip. Shit, that hurt. I open my eyes, watching her again. Even though her lips are pressed against mine, I can tell she has a smile on her face. This is making her happy. I like Bella, I really do, and if this is what she wants, I should give it to her, right? I could start to see her as more than a friend if I tried.

Most likely.

I mean, I know it's weird that I've never kissed someone before tonight. I was not raised by strict parents or brought up under some crazy religion that keeps boys and girls separated until marriage. I don't have halitosis or a horrific skin condition. Compared to most men, I'm attractive. I should have done this before. I should have done this and much more. This is a good thing.

This is a good thing.

I think.

I pull away, gasping for breath, and Bella moves her lips down my jaw to my neck, kissing and licking at my skin like it's the most delicious meal. "Bella," I whisper, hoping to delicately catch her attention and bring her back into reality. She continues down my body, biting at my collarbone.

It all feels really good, but at the same time, strange. My body and mind seem to be at war, and I don't know what to do. I'm a young man with his first quasi-sexual experience happening right now, so my body is responding, my penis is hardening, but I keep thinking – this is Bella kissing me.

Bella!

I push her gently away, and she rests against me, hugging her arms around my waist as she catches her breath. "That was fantastic," she pants, and I grunt. She takes that as agreement, squeezing me tighter. "I've wanted to do that since the moment we met," she continues with a small laugh of pure joy. "Since you caught me in your arms, there has been no other place I wanted to be." She sighs and smiles up at me.

I smile back because I don't know what else to do.

"What does this mean for us, Edward?" She asks me, blushing.

"What do you mean?" Right now, I have no idea what day it is, let alone the answer to something like that.

She frowns. "You kissed me back. Did you enjoy it?"

"I did," I answer honestly. I've had the sex talk with my father. I know when you're hard you are sexually stimulated, so I must like it. Does that mean I like Bella? It must.

Right?

"So, where does that leave us," she replies. "You like kissing me... I like kissing you... we could go out and then kiss all the time..." She winks. Oh, she wants to be my girlfriend? Is that what she's saying?

"You want to be my girlfriend?" I ask, trying to clarify what she's insinuating.

"Of course!!" she exclaims excitedly, giving me a wide smile. "I'd love to be your girlfriend!"

Well, that's not exactly what I meant to happen.

***~E~***

"Eet's all about 'One Love,' mon."

I nod with a small shrug to the Sailor, now known as Laurent as he tells me his philosophy on life. He's quite... interesting. I guess that would be the best word to describe him. I have no idea how I got stuck in the corner of the hallway with him, discussing our lives and shit, but here I am. Bella sneaked away a moment ago to call Jane to give her the good news.

I seem to have myself a girlfriend.

"So, you believe everyone is equal. I can get behind that," I tell him with a smile. He nods happily, the beads in his hair clacking in agreement.

"Ah, a mon after my own heart, no? That ees a wonderful thing. Do you smoke?" He asks, pulling a cigarette out of his inside pocket with a flick of his wrist.

"You roll your own cigarettes?" I ask without thinking.

He laughs, a loud throaty laugh, resting his hands on his knees to support his shaking frame. "Ees not tobacco, mon. This right here," he says, holding it up in triumph, "ees Blue Mystic." He says the name as though it should be revered.

"It's marijuana?" I whisper. I'm sure my eyes are wide. I've never seen drugs before.

"Oui."

"Oh."

I fidget uncomfortably as he lights the tip of the joint, sucking in deeply and holding his breath before exhaling large puffs of smoke. "Ees very smooth." He smiles and holds it out to me.

"Have you seen Jasper?"

"I thought you wanted to hit this shit, mon."

"Umm... not tonight, but thank you very much for your generous offer." I barely even hear the words as they tumble from my mouth. He gives me a funny look before shrugging and taking another hit.

"The last time I saw Jasper he was in the dining room with James and Victoria," he informs me, taking another large puff. He exhales, coughing just a bit. "Fuck, that ees good!"

I raise my hand in farewell and search for the dining room. It shouldn't be that hard to find – it's the room with the table. It's not like this is some mansion or something. I take the first doorway I find, but a hand shoots out, blocking my entrance.

"Excuse me," I try being polite, but the arm does not move. I lean forward to find that the arm is connected to my_ favorite _person.

Victoria.

"Listen, Edward," she says to me. "I've got nothing against you, but I can't let you through this door."

"Why not?" I ask with a huff.

"Jasper is right through there, you see," she says, pointing to a connecting room, "and he's drunk off his ass." She puts her hands on her hips, moving to stand in front of me.

"Okay," I say with a small shrug, urging her with my hands to continue.

She rolls her eyes. "Do you know why he's so drunk?"

"Fuck if I know, Victoria. If this is some kind of game, I'm really not interested in playing."

"This is definitely not a game. I don't fuck around with my friend's feelings, Edward. He's sitting in there, barely conscious because he drank himself into a stupor after seeing you make out with Sacajawea."

"Why would he get drunk over something like that?" I question sharply. I am in no mood for her, especially when it comes to Jasper.

"He wouldn't say, but that doesn't change anything." She gives me a smug smile, and I give her a scowl in return.

"I get that you're trying to protect Jasper, but you never have to protect him from me!" I exclaim defensively. "If he really is that drunk, he should go home. So, if you don't mind," I continue, stepping around her, "I'm going to go check on him."

I ignore her protests and walk into the other room where Jasper is sitting a card table with James and two other guys. This must be the dining room. Classy.

"Hey," I call out to him. He looks up, his eyes blood shot and he makes an ugly face at me. Shit. I did piss him off. What did I do? "Jasper," I start, but he quickly interrupts me.

"What?" He asks harshly. "I'm fuckin' busy!" He lifts his glass, taking another shot of a golden liquid. My eyes drift toward the bottle – Juarez tequila. God, it smells like rubbing alcohol.

"Can I talk to you for a moment?"

"I don't know if that's a good idea, man. He's pretty worked up about something, and you seem to play a large part in that," James speaks up from the corner, looking at me from over the top of his sunglasses.

"So, I've been told," I state evenly, turning my attention back to my drunk roommate. "I really would like to talk to you."

"Fine," he grumbles, leaning heavily on the collapsible table to push himself out of his chair. It shakes unsteadily under his weight, and everyone quickly grabs their drinks, forgetting about everything else on the plastic surface. Jasper follows me into the empty kitchen. "Whaddya want?" he slurs.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fuckin' fine!" he yells, and I cringe back from the deep timber of his voice. His eyes widen at my cowardly stance, and I'm immediately ashamed of myself. I shouldn't be afraid of Jasper. "Fuck," he curses quietly, taking off his cowboy hat and running his fingers through his disheveled hair.

"Edward," he says my name calmly, and I relax. "Listen, I'm an asshole, and I'm..." He burps. "Wasted. I ain't makin' any sense."

"It's okay," I concede. "How much have you had to drink?"

"More than my fair share, I'll tell you that," he laughs humorlessly. The smell of the tequila fresh on his breath makes me grimace. How was he shooting that shit?

"Yeah," I say because I don't know what else to say, and the silence is fucking uncomfortable.

"Yeah," he agrees, nodding his head sloppily. Then, after a moment, he whispers, "I saw you." He looks at the floor, seemingly very interested in the dirty linoleum.

"Bella?" I question.

"Yep." He looks up at me, his eyes alight with an emotion that I have no idea how to register. "Y'all kissed."

"She kissed me," I tell him, tapping my foot nervously.

"She took it?" He asks fiercely, his face scrunching in sadness.

"Huh?"

He shakes his head, rubbing his palms over his reddened cheeks. "Did she know she just took your first kiss?" He asks again, clarifying what he meant.

"Well..." I start quietly.

"At a party? Surrounded by drunks? You should have had better than that, Edward!"

For some reason his words upset me more than they should. "I can't change it now, Jasper!" I exclaim loudly, talking violently with my hands. "And, if I was a normal guy, not some prude freak, my first kiss would have happened years ago," I finish, quieter than before.

"There's nothing wrong with you, Edward," he murmurs. "You're fuckin' perfect."

I blush at the sincerity of his words, intoxicated or not. "Thanks."

"Blushin'." He snorts, smiling smugly to himself. "Fuckin' perfect," he repeats.

I lift my hand to the back of my neck, rubbing my tense muscles. "She didn't know it was my first kiss," I tell him in an almost inaudible whisper. "No one knew that but you."

"Me?"

"Yeah, man, as fast as it is, you're my best friend," I admit sheepishly. "I trust you."

"Me?" he asks again, holding his hand to his chest in shock.

"Don't make me say it again, loser," I joke.

He raises his hands in defeat, smiling broadly at me. "I've never had a best friend before."

"Me neither," I laugh. He smiles at me, leaning in slowly, and I open my arms to give him a hug, but in that moment, he throws up all over my boots.

***~E~***

"There you are!" Bella says happily when she enters the room, plopping down on my lap. Well, that's new. I wish she would have asked before she sat on me.

"Where have you been?" I ask her with a smile, making conversation.

"I called Jane, and she seemed to be having a good time. She's staying at Alec's tonight," she tells me with smirk. "Then, Jake called to wish me a Happy Halloween, and we just started talking," she admits in a quiet voice. "We're just friends, though!"

"That's good," I tell her, confused by her words once again. I never feel as though I'm not the same page as her. "I'm glad you have good friends. It's important." My eyes drift to Jasper who is passed out on the couch next to me. I've been sitting guard for him since he yakked on my Doc Martins and then proceeded to curl up on the stained flowery couch.

"Well, most guys wouldn't like their girlfriends talking to other guys," she says quietly, watching me closely.

I shrug. "I'm not most guys. I'm just Edward."

"I know, and you're perfect!" I force a smile. For some reason, those words don't hold the same caliber when Bella says them, and I don't know how to feel about that. Bella's my friend... I mean, my girlfriend. I should care about her opinion the most, right? Jasper mumbles unintelligibly and shifts in his drunken slumber, resting his head on my shoulder, his cowboy hat pressing into my cheek. I smile at his open mouthed quiet snores, shaking my head.

"How long has he been out," Bella asks, tugging on my blue jean shirt to get my attention.

I look at her, pausing in thought. "I don't know. About twenty minutes." She nods, yawning deeply. "Hey." I gently yank on one of her pigtails. "You ready to go?"

She smiles sheepishly. "Yeah. Do you want to come back to my dorm?"

I look at her then back to Jasper and shake my head. "I have to get Jasper back. It'd be wrong of me to leave him here."

"These are his friends. I'm sure they wouldn't mind him crashing on the couch."

"Yeah, but this party is no where near done," I tell her. "I don't want to just leave him here. Something could happen."

"I guess," she admits begrudgingly. She gets up off of my lap, smoothing out her tiny skirt. "Will he even wake up?"

"I haven't tried yet," I direct at her before turning my attention to him. "Jasper." I shake his shoulder, and he moves around, throwing his arm over my chest and nuzzling his face into my neck. I chuckle at his unconscious actions, smiling at Bella, but she doesn't look amused. I stop laughing and shake him a little harder. "Jasper," I try again.

"Edward," he mumbles into my neck, and I shudder from the feeling of his breath tickling the sensitive skin there.

"Jasper," I say loudly this time, pushing him back by his shoulders. He finally opens his eyes, lackadaisically smirking at me.

"Edward," he says my name again, and I smile at him in response.

"Do you think you can walk?" I ask, and he shrugs. "We need to get back to the dorm."

He pouts childishly. "I guess. I'm fuckin' tired, though."

I stand and stick my hand out for him. "I know, I know. It's not far." He nods with a sigh, grabbing my hand, and I pull him to his feet. He wobbles drunkenly from the quick movement, and I hold onto his waist to keep him steady.

His eyes widen for a moment before he clears his throat and pushes my hands off of him. "I've got it," he grumbles, and I nod in agreement, stepping away from him but staying close enough in case he needs me.

Bella clears her throat and puts her small hand in mine, and we leave the party. Jasper starts mumbling unintelligibly, but overall is moving just as quickly as Bella and I. We walk in silence until we reach Bella's dorm. Before she goes in, she grabs me once more, smashing our lips together. I try to pull away, uncomfortable because Jasper is standing right next to us. She makes a sound of protest, but releases me and heads inside. I call out that I'll call her, and the door slams behind her in response.

I turn back to Jasper, but find that he is no where near me. I can't even see him which worries me. I take off toward the dorm and after a few minutes come upon a figure clumsily walking through the dark.

"Jasper!" I call out, and he stops, standing straight and still, a shadowy figure in the moonlight. I quickly catch up to him. "Why'd you leave?"

"Givin' you privacy," he barks out. He starts walking again, and I fall in step beside him. By the time we get to the dorm, his eyes are halfway shut, and I know I need to get him into his bed soon before he passes out in the bushes outside the dorm. I slide my fob across the lock and usher him inside. In the elevator, he slumps against the railing, pretty much asleep standing up. The doors dings open, and I pull his arm over my shoulder, physically supporting him for the trek down the hallway.

He makes a few noises in the back of his throat, silly sounds that make me smile, and he puts his other arm around the front of my stomach, holding himself up. "Mmmm." Wordless sounds continually escape his lips.

"I know, Jasper," I whisper encouragingly. "We're almost there. Stay with me, buddy."

"Oh, I'm with you," he laughs. "All the time, ya' know?"

"Sure," I agree even though I'm not.

He chuckles and rests his head on my shoulder. I pause when I feel his lips on my neck. I stop breathing, just waiting. A second later he breathes deeply against my skin, and I suck in some much needed oxygen and relax my shoulders the best I can with a 175 pound guy hanging on me. "Here we are," I say to myself as I somehow manage to slide the key into the lock, open the door and close it behind us all without letting Jasper fall.

I sit him on his bed and he immediately drops back onto his pillow. I take off his cowboy hat, placing it on the nightstand and pull off his boots. In a feat of strength I didn't know I had, I pull the comforter out from under him and cover him up. He snuggles deep into his pillow with a smile on his face, and I breathe a sigh of relief that we made the walk back with no accidents.

I gingerly take off my boots, more than aware of the dried vomit that is still on the shoes. I could not clean it all off in James' dirty bathroom, since there wasn't even toilet paper, and slip on my flip flops. So as not to wake Jasper, I decide to use the sink in the bathroom down the hall to clean the rest of it off. I grab the boots by the strings and quietly close the door behind me.

I take a moment to look in the mirror in the silent bathroom, reflecting on the night. I look exactly the same. It's funny, but I always assumed I'd be somehow different after kissing someone. I remember the way my parents looked at each other, right up to the very end of my mother's life, like if they were the only two people on the planet, that would be fine with them. You could tell how much they loved each other, and even though, I've never really thought about actually having a girlfriend, I have always wanted that.

Could Bella be that for me? She seems to like me very much. She was really into the kissing, but I just don't know. Aren't you supposed to feel more? Butterflies? Sparks?

My eyes droop, and I quickly clean the boots to the best of my ability. As it is, I don't think I'll be wearing these things again.

I head back to the room, shuffling on sleepy feet. I open and close the door gently, making as little noise as I possibly can. I take off all of my clothes, which smell of cigarettes and beer, and hop into bed in just my boxers.

"Edward," Jasper mumbles my name, and I sit up, staring into the darkness.

"Jasper?" I whisper, wondering if I woke him up, but the only response is a small snore. I smile at that and quickly fall asleep.

* * *

**Next chapter, we get the morning after...**

**I can't promise a sneak peek because I don't have one written, but I'll try!**

**Alright. Lay it on me. I'm ready.**


	8. Jasper & his Haunted Imagination

**So, I'm a day late. Sorry. I couldn't seem to get connected with this chapter, as lame as that sounds. lol. I've got it now, though, and I hope you like it. All of you are so vocal about your hate of Bella, and this, just so you know, is a Bella free chapter. She'll be back next time, though. **

**I don't own Twilight. That's for sure.**

* * *

I can see the sunlight on the back of my closed eye lids, glaring bright and obnoxious, waking me from a restless sleep. My stomach lurches with my every movement as I sit up, propping myself up on my pillows to try and keep the bile down that is more than threatening to explode.

I stretch my legs out before me, but I feel so much stiffer than normal. I finally open my eyes fully, noticing that I'm still in my chaps, jeans and button-up from last night. With a huff, I stand up, heaving slightly at the alcohol soaked stench of my clothes. I grab some pajama pants and a t-shirt and change into them, throwing my dirty clothes into a pile on the floor. I'll get them later.

I sit back on the bed, resting my feet straight in front of me. I rub my temples to try to soothe the thumping beat that is resonating in my brain.

My mouth waters, and my body aches. It's that horrible cold sweat that covers your skin, leaving you clammy and uncomfortable. I know it's only time until I get sick. My throat constricts, and I fling my feet over the side of my bed, groaning and rubbing my pounding forehead with the palm of my hand.

Shit.

Covering my mouth with my hand, I run from the room in the direction of the bathroom, praying to whoever wants to listen that I'll make it to the toilet. I can feel it rising up my chest, lodged right behind my tonsils. Like a lighthouse in the night, the door to the bathroom is calling me home. I throw it open and run as quickly as I can, ignoring the fact that I'm not wearing shoes and am susceptible to all kinds of disgusting things on the guy's dorm bathroom.

Slamming open the stall, I drop to my knees. It's in that moment that I have no more control, and I lose the entire contents of my stomach, three times.

After rinsing my mouth out with water, I shuffle down the hall to the room, trying to be as quiet as possible when I open the door. As soon it clicks closed behind me, though, Edward shifts in his sleep, soft noises slipping from his lips as he awakens.

"Jasper?" He asks, his eyes still half shut as he lifts his body to look at me. "Are you okay?"

"I think so," I mumble, stepping in front of the sink to brush my teeth. I ignore the ashen and sallow image reflecting back at me from the mirror. I feel and look like complete shit. "I just got sick. I did it to myself, though."

"Again?" He asks, running his hands through his constantly disheveled hair, sleep making it all the more appealing.

"Huh?" I question, the toothbrush in my mouth stopping me from saying more.

"You threw up last night," he says with a grimace. "On my shoes."

I spit the minty foam down the drain. "Shit. Really? I'm sorry."

"Ah, what's done is done. It's not that big of a deal." I arch my brow in question, giving him a funny look. "What?" he asks, stiffening his shoulders.

"I threw up on you, and you don't think it's a big deal," I state evenly. "You?"

"Why does it matter that it's me?"

"You're are a fucking germophobe," I retort with a small laugh. Anything louder would just further aggravate my headache.

"I am not," he says with a shake of his head.

"Sure you're not," I concede, not pushing the subject further. I'm too tired anyway. "Fuckin' shit, my head fuckin' hurts," I mumble to myself.

"I imagine so," Edward states from his bed.

"Yeah," I agree.

He gets up, and my eyes immediately turn to him. He stretches, arms high above his head, but that's not the best part. Oh, no. Edward decided to sleep only in his boxers, and I've never seen this much of him exposed before. He's so fucking perfect.

As quick as my still drunk ass can move, I slide into bed, bending my knees to hide my tented pajama pants. He smiles sleepily at me and goes to the sink, opening up the drawers on his side and taking out a white bottle of pills. He grabs a plastic cup and leaves the room, returning a second later. He wets a wash cloth and walks over to me.

He holds his closed hand out, so I reach over. He drops three Excedrin in my palm and hands me the glass. "Thanks," I mumble gratefully before I swallow down the pills. The cold water that he must have gotten from the water fountain eases the pain in my throat. I close my eyes, resting my head against the pillow. I feel a dip in the bed next to my chest, and a moment later, the cool, damp washcloth is pressed soothingly onto my face. God, he's a fucking treasure. He shouldn't be doing this, though. It's too much. It's almost as if...

My train of thought is quickly derailed as an important memory from last night creeps back into my head.

Bella.

I grab his wrist, stopping the washcloth on my cheek. I reluctantly open my eyes to find him looking down at me with a quizzical expression. I frown. "Jasper..." he starts, but I interrupt.

"Are you and Bella dating?" I spit out quietly.

"Um..." he pauses in thought. "I guess," he continues with a small shrug.

"What does that mean?" I ask, the amusement in my voice even sounding fake to my own ears.

He chews on the inside of his mouth, still holding the washcloth to my skin. All it would take was for him to drop the cloth, and then his hand would be on my face, caressing my cheek. I close my eyes at the thought.

"Well," he finally speaks, and my eyes open once more to watch him, "Bella kissed me last night, and she likes me."

"I know that," I state evenly. Wow, look, Edward is finally catching on. My thoughts are harsh and cruel even in my own head, and I mentally chide myself for being so immature. He squirreled himself away while growing up. He doesn't pick up on flirtation, not even that which is obvious. I also can't fault the guy if he wants to go out with Bella. He's not mine to claim.

As much as I'd like him to be.

"You did?" He asks, furrowing his brow. I nod.

"So, I guess I should give it a shot, right?" He questions.

I shrug, finally releasing his wrist and removing the washcloth from my face. He looks at the cloth in his hands for a moment before standing and moving across the room to drop it in the sink. With his back turned, I go for a more difficult question. "Do you like her?"

He sighs and then sits on his bed, resting his elbow on his knee and his face in his palm. "She's very pretty, and I like to be around her. I enjoyed kissing her, so I guess I do." He sounds unsure still.

"Are you confused about your feelings? I know this is all new for you."

He swishes his mouth back and forth, his brow furrowed in thought. "I'm a little confused, but the kissing wasn't bad, you know? I mean, it wasn't amazing, but what do I have to compare it to? I think it will be good for me to get out of my comfort zone and experience some new things." He stops for a moment, taking a deep breath. "I don't want to be alone, and life is short."

"Edward," I start, but he holds his hands up, stopping me.

"I need to do this. I like Bella. I really do," he states, seemingly trying to convince himself.

"Alright," I admit defeat in a quiet voice. Everyone has to figure out their own path.

***~J~***

"My sister is coming in soon," Edward tells me conversationally. I nod, giving him a contemplative face and then take another bite of my burrito. Mexican night in the cafeteria is my favorite. Later, when I'm holed up in the bathroom, I'll regret it. It doesn't stop me from gorging myself the next week, though. I must be a glutton for punishment.

"What day?" I ask after I chew and swallow the meat, cheese and tortilla.

"She's flying in Saturday and then we'll fly out together Wednesday afternoon. I'll be flying back Sunday morning. It doesn't make much sense going back for Thanksgiving when I'll be going home for Christmas three weeks later, but my dad wanted me home."

"You could have come home with me," I tell him with a smile.

He looks up at me and gives me a huge, utterly beautiful smile. "Really?"

"Of course, dumb ass," I say with a laugh. "My mom would be more than happy to have you."

"Your mom?"

I scoff, shaking my head. "I'd want you there, too, fuckhead."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa, Mr. Whitlock, what is up with the name calling?" He chuckles, throwing his hands up in mock discern.

"It just keeps slipping out," I joke. "It's just too easy to call you names."

"Loser."

"Edward!" I gasp. "Is that anyway to treat your best friend?" He flips me off in response.

I laugh and take another bite of my burrito.

After Halloween, things got back to normal. Well, in a way. Bella occupies most of Edward's time, and luckily for me, he spends most of their time together in her dorm. I miss Edward, but I'm happy I don't have to watch them together. It's painful. It's obvious that Edward is trying to be what he thinks is expected of him, and Bella is patiently waiting for more. I just don't know if Edward has it in him to give anything else.

As hard as it is to watch them together, it's even worse because Edward has not changed the way he is around me. He seeks me out in conversations, touches me inconspicuously all the time and gives me these heart stopping looks that get me hard faster than nude photos of a young Brad Pitt.

My phone interrupts my thoughts of Edward, covered in dirt and grime like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. Edward looks up from his Taco Salad, and I give him a quick smile and slide my phone open, not even looking at the Caller ID.

"Hello?"

"_Jasper_!" An excited male voice greets me.

"Peter?" I ask, making sure I'm not mistaken.

"_Yeah_," he laughs. "_What are you up to_?"

"Urm... just eating dinner. How about you. How have you been?" I ask. I haven't spoken to Peter since the beginning of the summer. We were both home for a week before he left to study abroad in Costa Rica. It was quite a fun week. There was lots of sex.

"_I'm good. I haven't talked to you in forever. I wanted to see if you were coming home for Thanksgiving_?" If I wasn't sitting in the cafeteria with Edward, I'd call him out for the real reason he's calling me – Holiday booty call.

"I will be. I'm driving down next Wednesday."

"_Oh_, _well I get out the middle of this week, and my plane gets in Thursday morning_._ I guess I'll have to wait a week to see you_," he sounds sad about that.

An idea pops into my head. "Why don't you come up here for the weekend? We can hang out and catch up," I urge. I hope he catches my underlying message that we'll be able to hang out without parents around.

"_That sounds great_!" he says excitedly. "_I'll book a hotel room for Friday night. I can't stay two nights, unfortunately_." Then, in a much quieter voice, he purrs, "_I've missed your cock_, _JJ_._ I can't wait to have it in my hands_... _mmm_... _my mouth_... _my ass_."

I clear my throat, hoping my voice still sounds normal. "Yeah, umm... I'm really looking forward to it."

"_See you soon_," he sighs into the phone, and a small chill runs down my spine.

"See ya'." I slide the phone closed and slip it into my pocket.

I immediately go back to eating my burrito. It's rather disgusting once it gets cold. While I'm chewing, I can sense Edward fidgeting beside me. He clears his throat.

I raise my eyes to him. "Yes?"

"Who was on the phone?" He asks hesitantly.

"My friend, Peter, from home."

"He's coming to visit?" He questions, obviously forcing a smile. "Is he staying in the dorm with us?"

"Umm.. no, he's getting a hotel room. He likes his... privacy." I take another bite of my burrito.

"Oh, well, that should be fun."

"I think so."

***~J~***

The rest of the week passed slowly, and I keep finding myself not very excited about Peter's arrival. Yes, he's hot as sin, and we are more than good together in the bedroom. It's just that, he's not... doesn't have... he's not....

"Edward."

"Hey, man, what's up?" he asks me in greeting as he closes the door behind him. "Is your friend Patrick getting in today?"

"Yeah, _Peter _will be here in a few hours," I tell him, stressing Peter's name. It seems as though Edward cannot remember it for the life of him.

"Right, Peter," he repeats quietly. "What are you two doing tonight?"

"Umm..." I pause, trying to come up with an appropriate lie. I don't want to keep the truth from him, but how do I tell him we're going to dinner and then back to his hotel to fuck? "Just gonna get some dinner. You know, catch up and shit."

"Yeah," he responds slowly. He seems to be deep in thought.

"Do you have plans with Bella?"

"I think we're going out to dinner," he answers nonchalantly. "Where are you and Peter going? Maybe we could all go together?" He asks in almost a hopeful tone.

"Maybe." I look around the room, trying to find a way to stop this conversation. "X-box?"

"You're on."

We play against each other for a few hours, joking and having a great time. At one point, I move to the floor, leaning against my bed for support. Edward joins me a moment later, sitting so close, I swear I can feel his body heat radiating into my skin, fucking burning me for all I know.

Why the hell does he do things like this? Doesn't he know that you don't sit right next to your friends? That people need personal space? The thing is with him, I don't think he even does know. He's kind but pretty much dismissive to everyone besides Bella and me. I'd like to say, since it would be easier for me, that he treats Bella differently than me, more like a boyfriend, but he doesn't! I just don't know what to do, and I don't know how much more I can take.

Something has got to change.

My phone buzzes in my pocket, and I pause the game. Edward raises an eyebrow in my direction, but before he can protest, I hold up my pointer finger for a moment. I fish my phone out and slide it open.

**Downstairs. Let me in, JJ! -P**

"Hey, Edward, I gotta go let Peter in. I'll be right back," I tell him after I stand up. I don't wait for his response, and I quickly shut the door behind me.

Fidgeting the whole way down in the elevator, I take a deep breath before the doors creak open. I walk to the lobby, and my mood changes drastically. I'm suddenly eager to see Peter. In a way, I was dreading his arrival, but now, I'm almost jumping out my boots with excitement.

I turn the corner, smiling when I see Peter on the other side of the glass doors, grinning at me. His light brown hair has gotten longer, falling into his honey brown eyes, but he still looks the same. His pink lips are stretched wide from his smile. I push open the door and stand aside to let him in. The door closes with a bang as I pull him in for a hug.

"It's so good to see you, Peter," I greet him warmly, murmuring into his neck.

"You too, JJ! I've been looking forward to this for a long time," he whispers back. I pull away, smiling like a fool.

"Don't you have bags?" I ask after I look him up and down. He looks nice in his dark jeans, fitted snugly across his crotch and green button up shirt.

"I already checked into the hotel," he tells me. "I'm starving, as well. Are you ready to go?"

I nod. "Yeah, I just have to go get my wallet. Wanna come up?"

"I definitely feel up to coming," he says with waggling eyebrows. After a quick look around, I give him a friendly slap on the ass in retribution for his twisted mind. "Ooh," he purrs in delight. "Save some of that fun for later." I laugh, and we walk to the elevator, waiting impatiently for our night to begin.

When it opens, I pull him in behind me. Luckily we're alone because I can't wait any longer. I kiss him almost desperately, craving male attention in an almost painful way.

"Well, JJ, I do call that a warm welcome," he smirks.

Smiling, I kiss him again, gentler this time. "You think you're so special?" I tease. "I greet everyone that way."

His brows raise in question. "Do you now?"

"Of course," I continue dismissively. "Southern gentleman and all that."

"Sure, sure," he laughs. The doors open and we walk down the hall in silence.

"Right back, my ass," Edward calls out the moment I open the door. His laughter stops when he looks over at Peter. "Hello," he greets. "It is so nice to meet you, Parker."

"Peter," he corrects him with a smile. "And, the pleasure is all mine."

Edward coughs, obnoxiously clearing his throat. "You alright, Edward?" I ask with wide eyes.

"Of course," he sputters out. "So, Porter..."

"PETER!" I exclaim loudly, rolling my eyes at this game Edward seems to be playing. I just don't get it. "Seriously, Edward, what the fuck?" Peter fidgets uncomfortably, and I sigh, ashamed at my outburst. I should never let my emotions get out of control. "His name is Peter," I tell him in a calmer voice. "Peter."

"I know that," Edward states, acting as though he is confused at why I'm worked up. "So, what do you feel like eating tonight, Peter?" he asks with a smile, an obviously fake smile.

"Oh," Peter remarks, looking at me for clarification. "I didn't know that you were coming with us." He points back and forth between him and me.

"Jasper and I talked about it. I'm looking forward to getting to know you better."

"Sounds like fun," I mutter sarcastically.

***~J~***

"Well, that was... interesting," Peter says with a laugh once we get back to his hotel room.

I raise an eyebrow in response. Interesting? More, like horrible. Edward was either rude to Peter, overly attentive to Bella or sulking. There was no in between with his emotions, but at the same time, he was all over the place. I feel as though I have whiplash from the evening. I swear, my neck hurts.

To prove my point, I roll my shoulders, stretching my neck at the same time. "Tense?" Peter asks as he slips off his shoes. Sighing, I nod stiffly in answer. He pats the corner of the bed, encouraging me to sit. Once I do, he moves his warm hands to the nape of my neck and tops of my shoulders, pressing and rubbing soothingly.

"That's nice," I murmur, moaning lightly. It feels like forever since I've been touched.

His thumbs dig in deeper, moving toward my shoulder blades. "Just feel my hands, JJ. Relax," he commands me through a soft whisper in my ear. I shudder from the breeze of his breath. A moment later, his lips are on the skin behind my ear lobe.

"Mmm..." I mumble. "Peter," I call out.

He swipes his tongue over the sensitive area. "Yes, tell me what you want. I want to hear it."

"You," gasp. "I want you."

Without removing his hands from my body, he manages to move to the front of me. I scoot back further onto the bed, and he straddles my lap. I arch up, thrusting my hardening cock against his, and he groans in anticipation. His eyes drift to mine, and the lust that is reflected is almost a palpable emotion.

Without words, I unbutton his shirt, running my flat hands over his hard chest once it's exposed to me. He leans into my touch, silently asking for more. I run my fingers over his brown nipples, rubbing them firmly but gently, and they harden from my touch. Peter has sensitive nipples, something I discovered rather quickly during our secret gropings in high school. The first few times we were together, there was so much guilt, so much fear that what we were doing was wrong, sinful. It took months of stolen kisses until I was comfortable to move further, and it wasn't until senior year when we took that final step.

"JJ," he gasps, pulling on the bottom of my long sleeve t-shirt. I give in to his unspoken request and lift my arms. Then, we are chest to chest, nothing between us as our mouths meet. Kissing Peter is like stepping back in time, effortless and easy. There's no fumbling, no nervous touches, and if I'm being honest with myself, no excitement.

Edward's face pops into my mind as Peter moves down my neck, kissing and sucking in sequence, like a practiced dance. I shut my eyes tight, wishing away his beautiful face, trying to banish him from my dreams. I can't have him. He's not here. I owe it to Peter to be present, physically and mentally.

With my frustration at myself, my aggression grows, translating into a feral need. I flip us over almost violently, and Peter squeals in surprise, giggling a moment later. "JJ!" he moans as I rub my hand over his stiff cock on the outside of his jeans.

"I want you, now," I growl, practically tearing his tight jeans from his body, taking his boxers with them. I have no use for any of that. What I want is jutting out from between his legs, strong and proud.

I take him in my mouth, no teasing or warnings. His back arches off the bed with a gasp as I take him down my throat, a skill I learned years ago from practicing on the cock that is once again in my mouth. My tongue runs back and forth on the underside of his smooth skin, rolling gently just the way that he likes.

I unbutton my pants as I continue to suck him, somehow kicking them off with only the use of one hand. Once free of all my clothing, I move one hand to his balls, kneading them gently with my fingers. The other hand is positioned at the root of his cock as I consume the purple head with my lips and tongue.

"I'm so fucking hard for you, Peter, " I inform him with a lick across the leaking slit. "My dick is begging for it. I want to fuck you."

He frantically nods as his body thrashes around fruitlessly on the bed. "Tell me," I demand.

"Please," he begs, reaching over to the bedside table. I follow his hands with my eyes, realizing that he already had lube and condoms set out. "Fuck me. I need you." He gives me the lube, and I flip the cap, squirting the cold liquid into my hand, coating my fingers.

"Knees up," I tell him, and he does as I say. It's a beautiful sight I have before me, a feast for the senses, but it doesn't move me as much as it used to. I let my fingers drift over his puckered hole which clenches from my touch. "Do you want me, Peter?"

"Always." That word twists and burns my insides, and I immediately decide to stop talking.

I slip a finger in, and his body welcomes it, pulling it in further. After a moment, another finger joins, followed by a third. I turn and scissor them, loosening his tight muscles enough to accept my dick.

"Now!" he gasps, and I comply without a word, rolling a condom over my dick. I tug at his hip, and he follows my request, flipping over onto his stomach, sticking his ass up in the air. I position the head of my cock at his hole, rubbing it in circles, getting him excited and loose.

"Please," he moans, begging and pushing back, trying to impale himself on my cock. I nod, even though his face is buried in the pillow, and push in slowly, until his body accepts the head of my cock. He cries out while his body flexes around me, reacting to the intrusion of my hard flesh. I work myself in further with a small rocking motion, rolling my hips slightly with each mini thrust until I am immersed completely inside of Peter.

I wait until he starts pushing his ass back on my dick, babbling nonsensically the entire time. I pull back, leaving only my head inside and thrust back in with force. This is no time for sweet and slow. With his ass open and ready, I pound into him hard, gripping his hips with my hands, holding him up in the perfect position for me.

"Gah, JJ!" he exclaims with a gasp, clawing at the sheets under his hands, looking for anything to hold onto. "Fuck me. Deeper!"

I'm not sure how I can go any deeper than I already am, but I try to do just that, giving more of myself with each thrust. Watching my dick fuck his tight ass is going to make me cum before I want to, so I close my eyes.

As soon as I do, though, I immediately regret it. Edward's beautiful face, the fucking splendor of my imagination, is still there, just lying in wait. I want him out. I can't stand the way I want him, the way I crave him. It's too much. It's just fucking too much!

I continue to thrust into Peter with all my might, desperately trying to fuck Edward right out of my mind. It's not fair, but my life has never been fair. Why should now be any different?

"Jasper," Peter moans, and I look down, noticing that he is stroking his own cock. I would normally do that, take care of him in every way, but I don't have it in me today. "I'm gonna... right there... so close," he pants. I arch up, making sure to rub against his prostate to throw him over the edge.

He cries out as his orgasm hits, and he shoots his cum all over the sheets. I follow a minute later with a noise that could only be described as strangulation. Edward frowns at me in my head, silently begging me to come back to him. I slip out of Peter and run for the bathroom before he sees the tears sliding down my face.

***~J~***

Peter leaves the next day with promises of a Thanksgiving rendezvous. I smile, never confirming his plans, but letting him think I agree. My head is too messed up right now. Over Thanksgiving, I'll meet with him, but only to tell him that I can't be with him that way anymore.

My Edward infatuation runs much deeper than I thought it did, and that scares the shit out of me. I just need to take a break from men, and get my act together. I've always been scared of relationships because I don't trust myself. What if I lose my temper? What if I turn out just like my father? I couldn't stand to do that to someone I loved.

The truth, though, is that I do want to be with someone. It is almost an impossible task now because I have to find someone who makes my heart beat faster than Edward does. I need the real thing. It's the only way I'm ever going to get over Edward.

At least, I fucking hope it is.

I don't know how this happened. When I let myself get so wrapped up in my roommate. I never intended to let it get so far. I definitely didn't want to add unrequited love to my list of painful memories. I already had more than enough shit on that list to last a life time. Edward is straight and with Bella, and he is never going to be mine.

Since sex with Peter wasn't enough to drive the ghost of an impossible future with Edward out of my heart, I'm just going to have to find what is.

I drive back to the dorm with the windows rolled down, letting the cold wind sting my face and whip my curls into a frenzy. My gut is filled with lead as snippets of last night run through my head, marred with regret and shame. I shouldn't have fucked Peter. It didn't help anything.

There is one thing above all that sticks out in my mind – my motherfucking tears. I haven't cried since I was ten years old, at least. I didn't cry the first time my father slapped me or when he shattered the glass ashtray across my chest. My eyes didn't water when my mother found me the night we left. She held me in her arms and cried the tears that I could no longer produce.

Tears I thought I no longer had. It seems as though I was wrong.

I pull into the parking lot, finding a spot and turning Richard off. I lean against the steering wheel, closing my eyes and steeling my nerves for the trek up to the room. I have to find the balance, the control I had before. I need it.

With a deep breath, I shuffle across the lot and into the dorm, giving my RA, Jimmy, a small wave when I pass the front desk.

"Are you okay, Jasper?" he asks, stopping me in my tracks. I turn to him and force a smile. He bites on the ring in his lip, raising his pierced eyebrow in question.

"I'm okay. I just had a rough night." I tell him. He nods in response. His now blue hair catches the light with his movement. "I like your hair."

"Thanks," he replies, running his hands over the short hair subconsciously. He no longer has a mohawk. "I decided I needed to have a more mature do," he says with a laugh.

"It's blue, though," I retort, stating the obvious.

He smiles with a shrug. "Baby steps?"

I laugh. "Yeah, that's a good plan. I'll see you later."

He nods. "If you ever need to talk, Jasper. I'm serious, I'm here for you."

I smile, genuinely and honestly. "Thanks, Jimmy. I'll remember that."

I walk away, a little calmer than before and step into the elevator, bracing myself against the railing at the back of the car.

When the doors slide open, I take a deep breath and slip down the hall to our room. Maybe, he's not here, and I'll have a little more time to get my head straight. Maybe...

I slip my key in, but before I can even turn it, the door flies open, revealing a tiny girl with short dark hair, tousled into messy perfection. She turns her face up to mine with a smile, her green eyes, so similar to Edward's, somehow sparkle in the artificial light.

"Hi!" she exclaims in a high pitched soprano. "You must be Jasper. It's so nice to meet you. I'm Alice."

* * *

**So, what did you think. I gave y'all a little smut. I know it's not exactly what you are looking for, but all good things come to those who wait. :)**

**Since, I was late with this chapter, I'm going to offer something in return. If ATD gets to 400 reviews this chapter, I'll post twice next week. **

**Reviews dry up Jasper's tears.**


	9. Edward & the Forward Flight Attendant

**Hey, guys! Wow, when a goal is set, y'all rise to the challenge. We passed 400, and I am more than happy to post twice this week. The next chapter will be posted Friday. **

**Twilight? Not mine.**

* * *

"Hey, Edward, I gotta go let Peter in. I'll be right back," Jasper tells me after he stops the game. I was just about to beat him, too. He stands and leaves the room immediately.

After about a minute of waiting, I get off the floor. I wonder what Pedro is like. I just have a feeling I'm not going to like him. The idea of him makes me uncomfortable and fidgety, but I can't seem to figure out why. It's just since Halloween, when Jasper and I hang out, it's normally just the two of us. I suppose, I've gotten used to that.

I guess, when you've never really had close friends before, it's okay to be a little possessive of that friendship. If Jasper suddenly didn't have the time to hang out with me, I don't know what I'd do. It's not that I'm not able to function alone. I spent the majority of my high school days proving that point, but I feel completely different now than I did just a year ago. Shit, I feel like a different person since moving in with Jasper.

There is just something about him. He makes me feel... I don't know... good about myself. If that is even the right way to describe it. Being around him is natural, and I have definitely never had that before, besides with family that is. Recently, he's been acting strange, though. I can't put my finger on it, exactly, but I can tell that something in our friendship has changed. He's more reserved than he used to be, for the most part, but there are those moments, when he relaxes completely. It might just be a smile or a laugh, but they stick out.

Jasper has been through so much shit in his life. I don't ever want to hurt him, and I don't think I ever could. He is starting to mean as much to me as Alice does. In a different way, though. I mean, Alice is my sister, and Jasper is... well, Jasper. I don't know how else to describe him. He's special.

I've never been a people person, per say, but others always seem to like me. As a child, I was always able to please adults, and I still know how to charm my teachers and people like Old Googie in the Housing Department. I just can't seem to figure out the whole peer relationship thing. I have a hard time letting people in, but that wasn't the case with Jasper.

From the moment I moved in, seeking refuge from disgusting Eric, I felt at ease around Jasper. I normally take to meeting new people with a mixture of excitement and fear, with the latter being the dominant emotion. I can tell everyone all damn day that I was happy being a loner in high school, but it's not the truth. Keeping to myself was easy and in the long run, pain free. I didn't want to let anyone get to know me because what if they ended up rejecting me or I somehow lost them?

An enigma to most people, I merely existed through those four years, keeping everyone at a distance. I imagine I could have pretended to be friends with people, so I didn't have to eat lunch alone. I just couldn't see the point to that.

Now, I feel as though that whole defensive exterior that I kept up for years has crashed around my feet. I don't want to eat alone. I don't want to convince my father that I'd rather stay home reading on a Friday night than go out on dates or with my friends. Jasper awoke something inside me, the part of me that craves human connections and peer stimulation. I refuse to go back, but I'm confused as how to go further.

It's why I decided to continue dating Bella. I've always been comfortable around her which was a big shocker to me. I never imagined the first friend I would make would be a girl, but I'm glad that it was. She means a lot to me, but it just feels strange now that we've taken it to the next level.

Sighing to myself, I realize I've been just standing in the middle of the room, so I sit down at my computer chair, resting my head on my arms on the desk. My mind starts to wander, like it frequently does, to her.

Bella.

The moment I accidentally asked Bella to be my girlfriend was a crazy evening. I was dealing with panic over the party, meeting new people and being in a foreign situation. Then, Bella was drunk and spurting out nonsensical things, confusing me further. To top it all off, Jasper, angry over something, got wasted and passed out after throwing up on my boots. It was stressful and overwhelming.

That first week of November, it was like, since we were already friends, Bella wanted to jump head first into the whole dating thing. She wasn't forcing me to do anything, but she was pushing for more. I finally just broke down, explaining to her about my lack of experience. I expected her to laugh, but she simply smiled and nodded, telling me she understood.

Since that moment, she hasn't pushed for more than just kissing, but I can tell she's getting restless. Bella tells me all the time how she has wanted more since school started. She also jokes that I was fucking oblivious to that fact. Which is the truth. Now, though, since she puts out the same 'signals' when she wants affection, I've become much more aware.

I've even started noticing that other people, strangers even, send those 'signals' my way. It's fucking weird, going to bed one night an unnoticed prudish virgin and waking up the next day as an apparently attractive prudish virgin. Other things and feelings inside me have started to wake up, as well. My dreams have gotten a lot more... interesting. That's for sure. I never seem to remember them, though, but in the morning, I have to take care of the result of the dream in the shower.

It would be unnatural to say I'd never gotten an erection before recently because I went through puberty, and I had my fair share of wet dreams and such. When I was about twelve, I discovered my dick... well, discovered what it felt like when you rubbed it in just the right way. I never thought about anyone in particular, though. I normally just concentrated on the sensations I was giving myself. After my mom got sicker, it stopped being a leisure, enjoyable thing. A hard cock was something I had to take care of quickly, either by hand or a cold shower. It wasn't particularly pleasurable.

Now, for the first time, I want pleasure. I'm having sexual urges, cravings. It's more than just handling my baser need in a perfunctory way. I want it all, and it makes me feel more alive and more afraid than ever before.

Still, even though I am definitely a red blooded male, it doesn't feel completely right with Bella. I mean, sure, the kissing is nice, but it's not electric. Bella's body is soft and warm against mine, but it doesn't seem like enough. At the same time, I worry that it's just my overactive mind causing unnecessary worries about the whole situation. Maybe, I just need more time to feel completely at ease.

All I know is that I obviously don't know anything.

The door knob turning breaks me out of my head, and I sit up straight, trying to relax my suddenly tense shoulders.

"Right back, my ass," I call out jokingly the moment Jasper opens the door. I knew he wouldn't be alone, but seeing his old friend standing in our dorm room wipes the smile off my face. I don't know why. I just don't feel like I can trust him. After meeting Jasper's other friends, it's of my opinion that maybe Jasper isn't the best judge of character. "Hello," I greet him. "It is so nice to meet you, Parker."

"Peter," he corrects me with a smile. "And, the pleasure is all mine."

My response catches in my throat, and I start to cough loudly. "You alright, Edward?" Jasper asks me, looking at me with concern. I give him a half a nod.

"Of course," I choke out "So, Porter..."

"PETER!" Jasper yells at me, rolling his eyes at this game, and I wince. "Seriously, Edward, what the fuck?" I notice Peter standing rather uncomfortably as I look down, hiding the hurt laced with shame that must be evident on my face. "His name is Peter," he tells me again in a much softer voice. "Peter."

"I know that," I confess because I do. I don't know why I'm acting so childish. God, it's like everything I do, every emotion, confuses the shit out of me. Trying to smooth the situation over, I ask, "So, what do you feel like eating tonight, Peter?" I force a smile to show my maturity.

"Oh," Peter's mouth falls open, looking over at Jasper. "I didn't know that you were coming with us." His finger moves between Jasper and himself. Jasper said earlier we could all go together. I mean, he agreed, right?

"Jasper and I talked about it," I state, looking over at Jasper for clarification. "I'm looking forward to getting to know you better," I add, trying my best to be sincere.

"Sounds like fun," Jasper grumbles.

Peter lets out a small huff. I make a face. "Just the three of us, then?" He questions.

"No," Jasper snaps, staring at me. "Edward's girlfriend, Bella, will be joining us."

"Your girlfriend?" Peter asks with an arched brow, and I nod. Why is that hard to believe? He whispers something to Jasper. My roommate makes a strange face and then shakes his head vehemently. "Well, I'm starved. Who feels like Thai?"

"That sounds great," Jasper agrees, and I shrug. "Well," he adds, turning to me, "call Bella. We're ready to eat."

***~E**~*

"What do you mean to each their own?" I ask, giving Peter a pointed look. "You can't be serious."

"Quite," he answers smugly, leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed. "We all just need to learn to mind our own business. The world would be a happier place."

"So, you're basically telling me that you don't believe in giving to charities, soup kitchens, homeless shelters?" My voice starts to rise in the end, but I am astounded at his selfishness.

"That's not what I'm saying," he insists, raising his hands in surrender. "All I'm saying is that we have no reason to be at war," he continues. "I have no idea how it got twisted into me being anti-philanthropic."

"Yeah, Edward," Jasper adds. "You seem to be getting worked up about nothing."

I hiss in frustration and rub my temples. "Alright," I agree. "Let's just drop the subject."

Bella scoots closer to me, moving her hand to mine and resting it atop my palm. I give her a small smile, and she squeezes my hand reassuringly. "So," she says sweetly. "Has anyone read any good books lately?"

"I've been reading David Sedaris like crazy," Peter comments with a laugh. I raise my lip into a tiny sneer, and Jasper widens his eyes at me in warning.

Bella smiles and nods. "I love David Sedaris!" she almost shouts. "I also love Amy Sedaris."

"Well, what could be better than _Strangers with Candy_," Peter continues, looking at Jasper for his opinion.

He shrugs. "I don't know what that is."

"Neither do I," I insert.

Bella and Peter laugh. "It's this show that was on Comedy Central with Amy Sedaris and Stephen Colbert," Bella tells the table, well, Jasper and I.

"It really was the best!" Peter adds, seeming as though he's trying to convince us.

"I'm sure it was," I agree halfheartedly.

The rest of dinner goes about the same. Bella and Peter do most of the talking, but it's obvious they are just trying to prevent the evening from becoming even more awkward. Jasper is unusually quiet, and I'm.... Shit, I don't know what I am. There seems to be this unspoken tension in the air that, honestly, I think is radiating off of me and reflecting onto everyone else. I just can't get my emotions under control any more.

My life used to be so level, so fucking constant, and now, I'm all over the place. I just can't seem to find what I need to get shit together. It's really starting to get on my nerves.

***~E~***

"What time is Alice getting here?" Bella asks me from her position on my bed. I break my stare from the TV to look up at her from the floor.

"She told me not to pick her up from the airport, and that she would be here about eleven," I tell her, looking at my watch to check the time. It's 10:30. I wonder where Jasper is? When I woke up this morning, he still wasn't back. I guess he slept at Peter's hotel room. I hope he didn't do that because of the ridiculous way I acted last night.

"Is she taking a taxi from the airport," Bella asks as she traces random patterns on my bedspread with her finger.

"Yeah," I say with a huff. "If my dad knew I wasn't picking her up from the airport, there would be hell to pay." Bella laughs, but I'm not joking. My father does not play around when it comes to Alice, his baby girl as he sickeningly refers to her.

"Edward!" A shrill voice calls out on the other side of the door before a melody of knocks and bangs echos in the room.

Rolling my eyes, I pick myself up off the floor. "Alice is here." I unlock the door and it swings open. My tiny sister rushes through, already talking a mile a minute.

"Eddie!" she screeches, and I give her a warning glance. She smiles sheepishly at me, and I relent, like I always do. Opening my arms to her, she squeals and hugs me tight. She's a small girl, but she is definitely not to be trifled with. "I have missed you, Bub."

"Bub?" Bella questions from the sidelines of the hug.

I shake my head. "Don't ask," I retort, letting Alice go. She turns to Bella and gives her a frighteningly wide smile.

"Hi, Bella," she greets, pulling her in for an awkward hug. "It's so nice to meet you! I used to call him Bubber, instead of brother, when I was little, and Bub just stuck. You know how it is. God, thank you so much for letting me stay in your dorm. I don't want to be a burden. I told Edward I could sleep in here, but he _freaked_ out about me being in the guy's dorm. I mean, I can't wait for college - all the boys!! I also hear that there are some great stores in Seattle. Sometimes, I get to go into Chicago with my dad, but he never lets me go in the stores I really want. It's like, yeah, dad, I know I can fit into the girl's section, but that does not mean I want to shop at Limited Too! Don't you just hate that. I'm almost seventeen, now! I have boobs. I mean they're small, but they're there!"

"ALICE!" I chide, embarrassed by her boob talk. She gives me an annoyed look and keeps talking.

"Maybe, if you're not to busy with class, we could go shopping together next week because that shirt does nothing for your wonderful figure," she continues, ending her rambles with a huge smile directed at Bella. During Alice's speech, Bella opens her mouth a few times to interject or comment, but my sister just keeps on talking.

"Whoa, there, little one," I say calmly, placing a hand on Alice's shoulder. Her breath is heavy for the next minute as she regains oxygen in her blood stream.

Bella looks at me with wide eyes, and I nod, silently telling her that yes, Alice is for real. "Umm..." Bella starts. "I'm glad to have you stay at my dorm. My roommate is staying with her boyfriend, so you can have her bed." She pauses, probably trying to remember what else Alice said. "We could go shopping, I guess." I cringe. She has no idea what she agreed to.

"Great," she says in a much softer voice. "Oh, Jasper's here!"

Bella looks at me again for clarification as Alice runs to the door. I shrug. I'm used to Alice's weird feelings. "Hi!" she exclaims in a high pitched soprano. "You must be Jasper. It's so nice to meet you. I'm Alice."

I look up to find a disheveled Jasper standing in the doorway with a pensive look on his face. "That's right, sugar," he replies with a smile. "I've heard a lot about you."

She gives him a megawatt smile. "All good, I hope."

He looks at me and smirks. "Well, I heard all of it from your brother, so..." he trails off, and I shake my fist at him, mockingly threatening.

"Edward!" Alice turns on me. "You better not have been saying ugly things about me to your gorgeous roommate!!"

My cheeks flush with her words, even though, I'm not really embarrassed. "He's lying," I insist. "You're my favorite sister."

"Duh!" She rolls her eyes. "I'm you're only sister."

"Well," I laugh. "Then, I guess, that means you're my least favorite sister as well."

"You got me on that one," she agrees with a chuckle. I smile at her, and then turn to find Bella and Jasper staring at us, amusement etched on their faces.

"I wish I had a sibling," Bella remarks, and Jasper looks at her like he didn't notice she was here before.

"Do you want mine?" Alice asks Bella innocently, and I shove her playfully.

"Always," Bella says, giving me a lustful smile.

Jasper starts laughing. "You want Edward to be your brother?"

Bella turns red, obviously embarrassed. "What? No. That's not..."

"I was just joking," Jasper interrupts her. "I get it. You want his hot bod," he continues in a humorless voice. He walks over to his closet and practically sticks his whole body inside as he picks out clean clothes. Alice gives him a long look, narrowing her eyes at him. My eyes flicker back and forth between her and him, trying to figure out what is not being said.

"Oh, no, not that one," Alice directs at Jasper. She at some point moved to stand right behind him, peering around his much larger body into the open closet. "Go with the gray vest and a white t. You'll look hot."

"Alice," I grit out between my teeth.

"What?" She asks innocently. "Jasper doesn't mind being called hot, do you?" she questions him, looking up at him with an angelic smile.

"Not at all, darlin'," he answers her with a laugh, throwing an arm over her shoulder.

Well, I don't like this development at all.

***~E~***

I rest my head against the airplane seat, situating myself as far away from the snoring elderly man sitting next to me. I always get stuck next to the most annoying people on flights. On the way home for Thanksgiving, I had this French girl on my left, singing loudly and off-key to Britney Spears, and Alice was sitting on my other side, yapping about how dreamy she fucking thought Jasper was. I considered locking myself in the bathroom until it was time to land.

Except when we did land, I fortunately got rid of Frenchie Spears, but Alice was going home with me. She talked non-stop about my roommate the entire long weekend, and I wanted to stuff a gym sock in her mouth. The only moments to myself were during the middle of the night.

Thanksgiving was as it always is. This time of year, especially this holiday, was my mom's favorite. She'd make a giant meal for our family of four, and we would go around the room and each name what we're thankful for. I just wish that as a child, I would have been more thankful of her.

This year, like always, we spent it just the three of us, with my dad making a small meal. Normally, we'd eat in reflective silence, commiserating and remembering, but my dad was in a strangely upbeat mood this year.

He actually laughed.

Which alone was strange enough, but last night I went down to get a glass of water, and he was on the phone. It was almost midnight! He's usually out for the night at nine, so I was fucking shocked. Tempted to listen outside his office door to figure out who his midnight caller was, I walked by as softly and slowly as possible.

All I got out of my spy mission was hearing him laugh once more. Figuring that whoever or whatever is making him happy again must be a good thing, I felt guilty for eavesdropping. If anyone deserves to find happiness again, it's my father.

A sawing snore resonates in my ear, making me jerk forward in my seat. My knee slams into my tray, knocking a half full soda into my lap. "Son of a bitch!" I yelled out unintentionally. The cause of this whole problem continues sleeping peacefully.

Grumbling, I slide myself in front of his lap, pressing my body flat against the chair in front of me. The occupant of that chair, turns to glare at me, and I shoot the woman a dirty look. When she has a throbbing knee and a wet spot of coke covering her crotch, then she can fucking glare at me.

"Sir," I turn to face the voice of the male stewardess... flight attendant... umm... plane employee. "Is there a problem."

I take a deep breath to calm myself. "I was startled by the man sitting next to me and knocked my drink into my lap. I was just trying to get to the bathroom."

He gives me a sympathetic smile before his eyes travel down to the large stain on my jeans. "Well, that is a problem." His gaze lingers for a moment before coming to my face again. "I'll get you some napkins and bring them to the restroom for you," he says, directing me with both hands in front of him. For some reason, he doesn't walk in front of me, and he waits for me to squeeze by him on the narrow aisle. I have a quick fretful moment of whether to pass by crotch to crotch or ass to crotch. I decide on the latter.

With such a narrow walkway, I end up with my back pressed against his chest for a moment as I pass by, and he emits a strange hissing sound. Without looking back, I pick up the pace to the bathroom.

After trying to unsuccessfully dry my jeans with toilet paper, there is a knock on the door. "Sir, I have your napkins." I twist around in the tiny bathroom to open the door.

"Thank you," I tell him, holding my hand out. He leans over, placing the napkins gingerly in my hand, but he doesn't move back right away.

"Would you like my help with that?" He asks, nodding his head in the direction of my pants and then lifting a quirked eyebrow to me. "I'm great with my hands."

"Uh, no, I got it," I mumble out, pulling my hand away from his.

He smirks and licks his lips, running his eyes over my body, causing me to fidget nervously. "Alright, but if you need anything, and I mean ANYTHING, don't hesitate to ask. You just come find me, sweet cheeks, or ask one of the other attendants to get Garrett for you."

"Sure, thanks," I blurt out.

He smiles. "It was definitely my pleasure."

I close the door and turn to the mirror, looking at my reflection. That guy was just hitting on me. Do I look gay? Did I send off signals of interest to him? I don't think I did, so maybe, he just found me attractive? It seems, by my accelerated heart beat, I didn't mind his flirting. What does that say about me?

Shit. A flight is not the time to think about stuff like that.

Sighing loudly, I give up on my internal monologue. People like to be flirted with. That's all it is. I throw the paper towels in the trash, hoping that I've dried enough of the coke that you won't see the stain on my dark wash jeans, and head back to my seat.

I pop in my earbuds and let my airplane playlist drown out the man snoring next to me. Next thing I know, we're landing in Seattle.

I make my way off the plane and push through the crowd to the exit. I just have a carry-on, so I don't have to stand at the baggage carousal. I reach in my pocket to take my phone turning it back on. As soon as it's on, it buzzes at me, alerting me to the fact that I have two new messages. I press the number one and then dial.

"_You have two new voice mails_."

I hit the number two, waiting for a moment.

"_Hey, Edward. It's Bella. It's about four-thirty on Sunday, and I just got in. Call me when you get back_!_ I miss you_!!"

I pull the phone from my ear, pushing seven to delete. I listen to the next one.

"_Hey, man. It's Jasper. Look, I hate how everything went down before we left for break. I'm sorry for being an ass. I'm in our room now. Umm... when you get back, I have something I need to tell you. It's important. Bye_."

I press the disconnect button, sliding my phone back in my pocket. I tighten my grip on my bag and brace myself for Seattle's wet cold. I slip into one of the waiting taxis and give the driver my address, unraveling the scarf around my neck.

It was nice of Jasper to call and apologize, but he hasn't nothing to be sorry about. The fight we had last Tuesday night was my own fault, my own making. It's just that Jasper flirted with Alice the entire time she was there, and she's... Alice, my sister. It was eating me up, watching those two together. I mean, it was always innocent, but I didn't enjoy the way he would smile at something she'd say. Also, they kept having these secret conversations. It was driving me fucking insane.

Tuesday night, when Jasper gave Alice a kiss on the cheek before the girls went back to Bella's dorm. I lost it, blowing up.

I raised my voice at him, warning him to stay away from my sister, but when he asked me why, I had no better reason than – I just don't like it. He left the room, not coming back until much later. We both left the dorm for Thanksgiving without talking.

I take my phone back out, open the phone book and press dial.

"Hey," I start when the voice mail picks up. "I just got your message when my plane landed. I'm sorry, too. I had no right to freak out like I did. Well, I'll be back in about thirty, so I'll see you then."

I flip my cell closed and stare out the window, wondering what Jasper has to tell me.

* * *

**I'd love to hear what you thought! All or you review again. That was fun last chapter. ;) **

**Thanks to Meisun for letting me steal the name Pedro. She used it in a review, along with Percival. That girl was coming up with all kinds of names for Peter in her review for last chapter. **

**Also, Alisha (mombailey) started a thread for ATD over on the Twilighted forum. I put a link on my profile. Please, come by and say hello. I had so much fun on the forum for my last story. We can talk about ATD and how much you hate Bella or how you can't wait for them to get together and how I'm obviously just stalling (which I'm not, btw). Or, we can talk about random stuff. Either way, I'd like you to come by. **

**So, who's seeing New Moon on opening night? I just can't do it... the tweens scare me.**

**I look forward to hearing from you. :)**


	10. Jasper & the Psychic Pixie

**So, this is late. I'm sorry about that. My sister's house actually caught on fire last night, so I drove to help her get her stuff out today. It was crazy. New Moon may have saved her and her roommate's lives, though. Two girls were coming home from the midnight showing of the movie at three in the morning, saw the flames, called the fire department and then banged on the door to wake them up. (Smoke alarms did not go off) Well, I guess those girls actually saved them; New Moon just played a part in the timing of everything. Needless to say, it's been a stressful, crazy day. **

**But, I do have it done now! I'm so sorry for not getting back to y'all reviews last chapter, but I was trying to get this one written. lol. I'll reply soon, though! Big thanks to Mombailey and PhoenixRising25 for looking over this for me last minute. Those two are pretty awesome, just saying.**

**I know that last chapter kind of jumped around, but there were some things with Alice that I wanted y'all to see from Jasper's POV, so there is a lot of that in this chapter. :)**

**So, Twilight? Edward? Jasper? None of them are mine.**

* * *

God, this is a horrible movie. Why am I at a fucking romantic comedy on a Sunday afternoon with the guy I like, his sister and his girlfriend. When did this become my life?

Alice turns and gives me a smile before giving her full attention back to the movie. I smile back at her, even though she's no longer looking at me. It's so crazy how different Alice and Edward are. Alice is loud and unmistakable. She would never be one to blend into the background. Edward is quieter and more reserved, but at the same time, there is something about him. He just has that thing, as well.

Besides their insane green eyes, they don't look that much alike, either. I suppose Rosalie and I are the rarity, siblings that look like twins. When you get Alice and Edward together, though, it's obvious that they're sister and brother, and close ones as that. I've loved getting to know Alice's Edward. "Bub" is protective, caring and almost strict. When she's around, a lot of his focus is dedicated to her, even if he's feigning annoyance that it is.

It's funny that I'm almost jealous of her. When Edward and I are together, it is mostly one on one, and I'm not used to sharing. I mean, I know there's Bella, but he keeps us separate most of the time. Alice, even though she's only been here since yesterday morning, has a way of bringing everyone together, hence this stupid fucking movie.

She's pretty damn hilarious, too. The girl is a trip! She's always running her mouth at a mile a minute, spewing out any tiny thing that passes through her mind. She has no filter. Edward is the same way, really. He is himself, all the time.

Alice has been watching me closely since the moment I met her, giving me sly smiles and a lot of attention. I seriously hope I don't end up having to turn down her advances. She's definitely not the Cullen I want.

Somehow, I ended up sitting between Alice and Edward with Bella on Edward's other side. Slouching in my seat, I watch him from my peripheral, enjoying the way he crinkles his nose and rolls his eyes at the dumb shit, and how he genuinely smiles and laughs at what he finds funny. Most guys I know would pretend to hate everything about this movie, just because it's a chick flick.

God, he's so fucking beautiful it about breaks my damn heart. I'm looking forward to Thanksgiving break because I need a few days away from him to get my head back on straight. I have to figure my shit out, and that includes my feelings for Edward. I mean, I'm obviously highly attracted to him, but the whole situation with Peter just showed me that it runs a lot deeper than that.

I just need to admit it, come to terms with it and then try to move on. He's not going to like me back, so I need to find someone who will.

"Jasper," Alice whispers my name.

I look at her from the corner of my eyes. "What?" I whisper back. I notice Edward unabashedly watching us from his seat with a frown on his face.

"Come with me to get some popcorn." It's not a question, so I just shrug in acquiesce.

"Where are you going?" Edward asks, his whisper sounding more like a hiss.

I stand, leaning forward to not block the view of the people sitting behind us. "Popcorn."

He huffs, looking at the screen then back at me. "Well, hurry up. I don't want to have to explain to you all the shit you miss."

Nodding, I turn my back to him and roll my eyes. I follow Alice down the aisle, excusing myself to everyone one who has to watch my ass slide past their face. Once we're in the hall of the theater, Alice sighs excitedly, turning to me with a giant smile on her face. "Finally," she chirps. "We're alone."

"Umm..." I start, unconsciously stepping away from her.

"Relax," she tells me, putting her hands up. "I'm not going to put the moves on you." I laugh. "I just need to ask you a question."

"Oh." I fall in step beside her, walking slowly so every two of her frantic paces matches one of my languid ones.

"I don't know how to ask this, so I'm just going to come right out and do it." She takes a deep breath. "Areyougay?"

"Excuse me?" I croak.

She turns, looking up at me with a fretful smile. "Jasper, are you gay?" she asks once more, only much slower.

"Umm... I..." I stutter, looking anywhere but at the tiny girl in front of me.

"Shit. I shouldn't have asked that," she berates herself, and I glance down to see her frowning. She blinks back tears, and I immediately want to comfort her. It's the same feelings I get with Rose, except that Rose is a pittbull, and Alice is a tea cup poodle. She actually needs protecting.

"Yes," I whisper. "I'm gay."

She smiles, swiping her fingers under her eyes. "I'm really sorry, Jasper. That was rude of me to ask you that. It's really none of my business."

"It's okay," I assure her. "It really is. It's just that..." I trail off.

"Does Edward know?" She seems to know exactly where my mind is at. I shake my head.

"Why not?" She questions.

I sigh. "No one knows, not really."

"Oh," she states simply. "In that case, your secret is safe with me." She mimes zipping her lips and throwing away the key. I'm relieved that actually saying it out loud, admitting that yes, I'm gay, was not so bad. It felt nice, almost relieving.

"Thanks, Alice. Let's go get you some popcorn." I throw my arm over her delicate shoulders, and we walk the rest of the way to the concession stand in the lobby. After giving into her demands of an extra large tub with double butter, we head back to the theater.

I reach for the handle of the door to theater 12, but Alice places her hand on mine, stopping me. "Jasper," she starts, pulling me to face her. "I have one more question."

"Okay." I brace myself for whatever she's going to ask. After the whopper of ten minutes ago, I imagine nothing could be more shocking for me.

"Do you like Edward?"

I was wrong.

"No! What?" I spit out. "Why... why would you think that?" The words sound awkward to my own ears.

"You don't have a thing for Edward?" She asks again, giving me a pointed look. God, it's like her eyes are dissecting my every facial expression. I have the undeniable feeling that it would be almost impossible to pull anything over Alice.

"No?" I state, but it sounds like a question, as though, I'm asking for her approval.

"Ooookay," she pulls the word out, obviously not believing me, and flings the door open to the theater. We head up the steps to our aisle, repeating the scooting and apologizing process to everyone on our row. Alice plops down in her seat happily, immediately inhaling the popcorn from the tub that looks comical in her tiny lap.

I hold my seat down gingerly and sit, feeling suddenly more uncomfortable next to Edward in the dark movie theater now that I know Alice sees all.

"What took you two so long?" Edward practically barks at me. Bella shushes him. "It shouldn't take so long to get popcorn," he continues in a whisper.

"There was a line," I answer, not daring to look away from the screen.

"But..."

"Shut up, Bub!" Alice interrupts him, peering at Edward from around my body. "Some of us are trying to watch a movie!"

***~J~***

School takes up most of my time Monday and Tuesday, so I don't see Alice and Bella again until Tuesday evening when they come to the dorm. Edward orders pizza, and we all sit on the floor, huddled around the open box.

Alice plops down in my lap, holding tight around my neck with one hand and eating more pizza than she should be able to with the other. Edward practically growls at me, and I attempt to move her to the floor. She just holds on tighter.

"This is good," Alice mumbles through yet another bite, "but it doesn't have anything on Chicago."

"Alice?" Edward calls out her name. "Why are you sitting in Jasper's lap?"

She smiles at him. "Because, it's comfortable. Have you tried it?" She winks at me.

"Alice!" he hisses, shaking his head no. He furrows his brow.

"What?" She asks with an innocent smile and wide eyes. "Jasper doesn't mind me sitting in his lap, do you?" I would like to say that the baby voice she uses is annoying, but it's just too fucking cute.

I laugh. "No, I don't mind, darlin'." I pat the side of my thighs. "It's here whenever you need it."

She wraps her arms around my neck, giving me a nice warm hug. I fucking love hugs, I really do. Especially those from my mom, but Alice can hold her own in the hug department. It's friendly, caring and reassuring. I can't help but hug her back.

Edward clears his throat. "Are you two going to hang all over each other all night?"

"I think they look sweet," Bella retorts, smiling at us. "It's just a hug."

"Just a hug?" Edward questions, his voice rising.

"Yeah, so calm down," she tells him, shaking her head. I watch as she reaches over and squeezes his hand. He doesn't pull away, but he doesn't reach out to her, either. He just accepts what she gives him, attention wise, not ever really returning it. I feel rather sorry for Bella. All she wants is Edward.

I can totally relate.

"Man," Alice starts talking, still perched in my lap. "You should have seen the stuff Bella and I found today. There were some amazing sales!"

"It's like Alice knew where to go to find the best deals," Bella adds with a chuckle. "If she starts predicting lotto numbers, I'm buying."

"Yeah, in three years," I laugh.

She smiles at me. "Good point."

"Also, I met the cutest boys today!" Alice says. "I'll say it again. I cannot wait until college."

"Alice!" Edward once again says her name in a reprimanding tone. "You're sitting on Jasper's lap and talking about other boys..." he sputters out.

"So?" She asks, motioning with her hands for him to continue.

"It's inappropriate!"

"Jasper knows that I can't be tied down to one person. I'm a free bird, Bub," she tells him with a smile. Turning to me, she adds in a dramatic voice worthy of any soap opera, "You'll wait for me, though, won't you, darling?"

"Always," I sigh out, clasping her hands in mine before breaking down in laughter. Alice and Bella start giggling, as well. Edward doesn't look quite as amused.

In fact, he looks pissed.

"I think it's working," Alice suddenly whispers into my ear. She nods at Edward, and I look over to find him staring at us, frustration and dislike covering his features. "He's totally jealous."

I look at her; my brows raise in question. She winks in answer. "Alice, I don't..."

She cuts me off by jumping out of my lap. "Let's go get some ice cream!"

After getting ice cream and watching Alice take out four scoops of mint chocolate chip, we drop the girls off at the dorm. Since I won't be seeing Alice before they leave tomorrow, I give her a kiss on the cheek in farewell. Somehow, this crazy energized tiny girl knows all my secrets, and I just hope they stay with her.

We walk back to the dorm in an uncomfortable silence. Edward's lips are pursued into a tight line, and he keeps taking loud, seething breaths. He doesn't really hide his anger very well, that's for sure.

When we get back to the dorm, I try to lighten the mood. "Fuck, does Alice have a hollow leg? Your sister sure can eat." I laugh halfheartedly.

"What are your intentions with Alice?" Edward asks me in a clipped tone.

"Intentions?" I question, hoping he'll clarify.

"She's in high school, Jasper, and I really think you two together would be a bad idea."

"Together?"

"Shit, Jasper!" he yells out. "Together! It's obvious that you two fucking like each other, but I don't want you dating Alice."

His glare and authoritative tone are starting to piss me off. "Why wouldn't you want me with Alice, Edward?"

He starts to pace back and forth, mumbling to himself. I wait for a moment before asking him again. "Why wouldn't you want me to date her?"

"Because I don't fucking like it!" he screams at me, turning to me with clenched fists. "You cannot date my sister. I won't allow it!"

"You can't control me," I spit out. I'm so fucking pissed I can't see straight. Memories of my father flash through my head, like snapshots of all the worst moments, making me feel as though I'm slipping back to when I actually didn't have any control, any say in my life.

All I know is I have to get the fuck out of this dorm room before I break something. Without another word, I grab my car keys and head for the door, slamming it behind me.

I stomp to my car and get in, forcefully turning the key and gunning it out of the parking lot. I drive without thought, ending up outside my favorite gay club where the bouncer never cards me. I'm dressed in a blue plaid button up with gray jeans, not my normal apparel for a place like this, but what the fuck? I can't drive around all night, and maybe, a beer or two is just what I need to calm my ass down.

Fucking Edward with his fucking commands. I don't think so.

Smiling at Paul, the bouncer, gets me past the ropes. He leans over, showing me his cheek, so I kiss him in greeting, whispering my thanks in his hear. He grins at me, shooing me into the bar. The thumping beat of the music consumes my thoughts. It's too loud to think about anything else, and I welcome the distraction.

Saddling up to the bar, I grab a stool and order a Sam Adam's, turning my body toward the dance floor smack in the middle of the club. Even though it's Tuesday, there are a good number of guys here, and I watch the shirtless boys practically fuck, disguised as dancing.

The bartender slides me my beer, and I go ahead and pay, figuring since I do have class tomorrow, I should stop at one. Also, I have to drive back to the dorms. I just need to wait until Edward goes to sleep. I cannot deal with anymore of that bullshit tonight.

"You have far too nice of a smile to be frowning," someone says into my ear, and I turn, finding cool blue eyes staring at me. I take in the rest of his face. He has short brown hair, a strong jaw and plump lips. He's about the same height as me, but a little more built; well defined muscles obviously hidden under the t-shirt stretched across his chest. All in all, he's fucking hot.

"You think so?" I ask, running my fingers through my curls.

He nods, giving me a sexy, close-lipped grin, revealing two perfect dimples in his cheeks. "Well, those dimples are about the cutest things I've ever seen," I flirt.

"You think so?" He repeats my question, and I laugh, relaxing into the comforting action.

"I'm Jasper. It's a pleasure to meet you," I tell him, placing my hand in front of me.

He takes my hand in his, not shaking, just holding. "Felix, and the pleasure is definitely all mine."

"Hmm..." I respond unintelligibly, giving him a smirk. "So," I start then take a swig of my beer. "Come here often?" I deadpan with a waggle of my eyebrows.

***~J~***

I wake up early the next morning and sneak out of the room to the gym. I work out some of my frustration with Edward by pounding the indoor track hard. By the time I leave, I'm not exactly angry anymore, but I'm not ready to deal with him yet, either.

The way he freaked out over the whole Alice situation has got me really shaken. I mean, when it comes to Rose, I am super protective, so I totally get him looking out for Alice. It's just that, it was me he was talking to. He knows me. I've opened up more to him than to anyone, and for him to say that he didn't want me with Alice, like I'm not good enough for her, really hurt. His anger seemed so out of control, though; it worried me, as well. Instability is not something I need around me.

If him thinking I wasn't good enough for Alice was the only option, I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. The thing is, I can't help but feel that Alice was right about him being jealous, but that just adds more fuel to the fire of hope I'm already trying to squelch. I can't let myself grown any more attached to Edward. It's just going to end up hurting me.

I go ahead and shower and dress in the locker room, heading immediately to class when I leave the gym. I barely pay attention to anything in either of my classes. After I'm done for the day, I book it back to the room, pack a bag and hit the road.

Five and half hours and two cups of coffee later, I pull into my driveway in Portland. I grab my dirty laundry from Richard's trunk and let myself in from the door in the garage. My mom is away at the conference thing she told me about, so I have the house to myself. It's rare for me to have nights alone, and after a few days hanging around Alice, I'm looking forward to the silence.

I text my mom and Rose to let them know I made it back safe, start a load of laundry and hit the couch. I let myself get caught up in a crappy action flick on TBS, and right as the White House blows up, the doorbell rings.

Begrudgingly, I leave the warm comfort of the leather couch and walk to the entry hall. I peek out the glass, take a deep breath to steel my resolve and open the door.

"Hey, Peter," I greet him with a smile. "What's up?"

He smiles in return, and I step aside, motioning for him to enter. "Not much. I just remember that your mom wasn't going to be home, so I decided to walk over." Peter lives down the block, and he was one of the first people I met in Portland. "She's not here, right?"

"No, she's..."

"Good," he cuts me off, slamming the door shut and pressing his lips to mine.

I try to push him away, but he holds my face against his by his hands in my hair. "Pedhurd," I mumble his name into his mouth. His hands roam down to my shoulders and back, and I finally break away. "Peter," I say his name again, only this time it actually works.

He pulls his lips away from my neck to grunt, "Huh?"

I push at his shoulders. "Stop. Please."

He must hear the truth of my words because he pulls back, concern etched into his face. "What's wrong, JJ?"

"Nothing's wrong, it's just..." I pause, not sure how to go about this. "Let's go sit down."

He crinkles his forehead. "Okay."

I lead him to the living room, and I motion him to sit on side of the couch. I sit on the other. "Why so far away?" He asks with a smirk. "I only bite when you ask me to."

Rolling my eyes playfully, I shake my head. "Peter, we can't do this anymore," I say, getting straight to the point.

He rubs his chin with his open hand. "Do what exactly?" He asks in a voice that lets me know he fully understands what I'm saying. He just wants to hear it out loud.

"We can't hook up anymore."

"We just had sex on Friday," he states seriously. "What's changed in the last five days, JJ?"

I take a deep breath. "Everything," I sigh, "and nothing at the same time."

"Well, that makes a lot of sense," he mutters sarcastically.

"I just can't have that type of relationship with you anymore, Peter," I tell him honestly.

"A sexual relationship?" he clarifies.

I nod. "I don't want casual sex."

His mouth drops in shock. "Ever?" he asks in disbelief.

"I don't know, maybe not," I sigh. "Definitely not right now, though. I want more."

"I can't do more, JJ," he states nervously.

I give him a small smile. "I know, and I understand that. Besides," I tease, "it's not you I want a relationship with, Peter." He laughs lightly.

"Edward?" He asks after a moment, serious once more.

I shrug. "I don't know. I'm just sick of hiding."

He looks at me for a moment, then gives me an understanding smile. He turns his body toward the television. "What are we watching?"

***~J~***

I wake up the next day to the smell of bacon sizzling on the stove, and I smile. I actually went to bed before my mom got home, and I'm eager to see her. I hate that she had to travel all the way to New York for that conference, and I need to make sure she's alright.

I trudge down the hall on bare feet to the kitchen, where my mom is singing to the radio, swaying slightly to the music as she fixes breakfast. "Well, someone's in a good mood," I call out to her back, startling her.

She jumps, turning to me and waving the spatula menacingly at my face. "JJ, you almost gave me a heart attack!" she chides, clutching her chest with her other hand.

"Sorry," I mumble out, unsuccessfully holding back my laughter.

She clucks her tongue at me and spins back around to the stove. "Set the table, baby. This is almost ready."

After a delicious meal of bacon and scrambled eggs, where she assured me everything went fine in New York, she shoos me out of the kitchen to start preparingThanksgiving dinner. I offer to help, but considering I'm terrible when it comes to cooking, she knows I'd only slow her down. Seriously, I can't even make a grilled cheese sandwich without charring both pieces of bread.

A couple of hours later, Rose and Emmett show up. Rose heads into the kitchen to help, and Em walks into the family room, plopping down onto the arm chair.

I nod in greeting, immediately turning my attention back to some random holiday special on television. "Guitar Hero?" I suggest.

"Hell yeah," he agrees.

About ten minutes after our world tour is finished, my mom calls us to the table. Emmett runs ahead of me, excited about the meal. I swear that guy can eat. It's almost fucking ridiculous how much food he can take out in one sitting.

I enter the dining room and take my seat. My mom says the prayer, and we pass the dishes around the table, serving ourselves. The mood at the table is light, my mother being exceptionally high spirited.

After a rather boring story from my mom about the conference in New York, Rose turns to me, smirking. "So, little brother," she starts. "How's college going?"

"Fine."

"You partying it up? Going crazy? Living the single life?"

I make a face. "Are you going somewhere with this line of questioning, Rose?"

"I'm just making conversation," she insists.

I harrumph in disbelief. Rose never does anything without reason, just like she never goes outside without looking perfect. Everything with her is meticulously planned out.

I fork another piece of turkey onto my plate. "The bird is excellent, mom," I praise. All the food is fantastic. She's an awesome cook. I think it might be a Southern thing.

"That's sweet of you to say, JJ," she says with a smile. "I'm glad you like it."

"He really is sweet, isn't he?" Rose adds with mock sincerity. "How is it that some girl hasn't snatched you up?"

I sigh. "Why are you so concerned about my dating status, Rose?"

"Can't I be curious about what's going on in your life, Jasper?" She implores. "It is a little strange that you've never had a girlfriend..."

"Rose!" my mom chides, interrupting her. "Leave your brother alone."

"Emmett, have you found any spaces for the garage?" my mom asks my brother-in-law, changing the subject.

He swallows the bite in his mouth. "We've looked at a few prospects, but we haven't found the right place yet."

"Jasper, why don't you have a girlfriend?" Rose questions me once again, practically cutting her husband off.

I growl in frustration. "Because I don't, Rose!"

"I just don't understand. You're a good looking guy. I'm sure lots of girls would like to date you," she insists.

"I don't want a girlfriend!" I yell. "I never want a girlfriend!"

"Never?" She asks in disbelief.

"I'm gay," I blurt out in almost a whisper. Besides Emmett's coughing from the mashed potatoes he choked on after my confession, the table is silent. I keep my eyes on my plate. I meant it yesterday when I said I was sick of hiding, but I never meant to come out to my family like this.

Fucking Rose and her nagging questions.

"So," Rose says, patting Emmett on the back to help clear his throat, "why don't you have a boyfriend, then?"

I lift my face in her direction. "Is that it?" I ask skeptically. "That's all you have to say."

She shrugs. "I don't care that you like guys, JJ," she tells me as warmly as Rose can. "I just want you to be happy."

"Uh, yeah," Emmett adds through heavy breath, still recovering from his choking incident. "It's cool that you like dick." Rose slaps him on the arm.

I turn to my mom who hasn't spoken yet. She has tears in her eyes, and my heart drops into my stomach.

"Mom?" I ask in a shaky voice, bracing myself for the worst.

She dabs at her eyes with her napkin before reaching across the table and grasping my hand with hers. "Jasper, I am so proud of you," she whispers fiercely. "I know that was a hard thing for you to tell us, and I'm so honored that you trusted us." She smiles at me. "Whoever ends up with you is going to be one lucky guy!"

I fluster slightly under her praise.

"I've been waiting for this moment for a while now," she tells me.

"Really?"

She nods and then starts laughing. "Hell, I've been involved with Portland's PFLAG chapter since I caught you and Peter kissing when you were sixteen!"

My mouth opens in shock. "Close your mouth, JJ," she gets onto me playfully. "Who wants dessert?"

Emmett's hand shoots into the air, and my mom pushes her chair back, standing up. "JJ, help me with the pies?"

I nod silently, still dumbfounded by the way this all played out. I follow my mom into the kitchen, but she stops suddenly, spinning around. She pulls me to her, wrapping her arms around my I waist. I melt into her hug. "I love you, sweetheart, more than I even know how to put into words."

***~J~***

After a long and surreal weekend of both my mother and sister pestering me about guys, I am more than ready to get back to school. It's amazing how I feel after coming out to my family, though. I actually feel free. A giant weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and the fear feels like it's dissipating.

All it takes is one good experience to change your perspective on things, and this was definitely one of those moments. With the security of my family behind me, no matter what, the thought of letting other people know the real me is not quite so scary.

I'm sick of lying anyway, and I'm not going to do it anymore. I am a gay man, and I'm proud of who I am.

I get back to the dorms around six. I store the leftovers from my mom in the mini fridge and put my clean clothes away. I lounge on my bed, exhausted from the holiday weekend. On a whim, I pick up my phone and call Edward. His voicemail picks up.

"Hey, man," I say, quickly adding, "It's Jasper. Look, I hate how everything went down before we left for break. I'm sorry for being an ass. I'm in our room now," I add randomly. I hate leaving messages. They're always so awkward. "Umm..." I pause, tying to figure out what I want to say, "when you get back, I have something I need to tell you. It's important. Bye."

I hang up the phone and flip it closed.

I close my eyes, resting them, shaking my head with embarrassment over the voicemail I left Edward. I swear, I can be the biggest fucktard sometimes. I let my mind wander to Edward and his beautiful face...

"Jasper," a voice whispers my name.

"Huh? Wha?" I slur out, trying to open my heavy lids.

"Are you awake?" Edward asks me, and I finally open my eyes completely to find him standing above me.

"What?" I ask again.

His musical laugh fills my ears, making me smile. "Was I sleeping?" I ask, disoriented.

"Yeah."

I sit up, rubbing my face with my hands. "I don't know how that happened," I yawn.

"Listen, Edward," I start.

"Jasper," he says at the same time.

"You go first," I tell him.

He nods, taking a deep breath. "I am so sorry for the way I acted Tuesday night," he states sincerely. "I was acting like a huge dick, and I don't even know why. If you want to date Alice," he gulps, looking rather uncomfortable. "If you want to date Alice," he repeats, "then you should."

"I don't want to date Alice," I inform him.

He looks at me in doubt. "Don't just say that because that's what I want to hear, Jasper. You're a great guy, and," he pauses, "Alice would be lucky to date you."

"I don't want to date Alice, Edward," I repeat, trying to assure you.

He looks me in the eye. "I don't understand."

"Edward, I'm gay."

* * *

**Sooo? Love it? Hate it? Tell me! I want to know it all. **

**Also, why has noone come to say hello on the thread... breaking my heart here people. ;) If anything, you should come for Mombailey's crazy Twilight/Zoolander avatar. That thing makes me laugh every freaking time. **

**Review! They made Jasper come out of the closet. I wonder what they could do for Edward.... **


	11. Edward & the Wet Dream

**So, this is a day late, but yesterday was Thanksgiving. I'm sure y'all will give me a break, right? I thought so. ;) **

**Big thanks to all of you who are reading and reviewing. You guys blow me away each chapter. Seriously. **

**Twilight is not mine. Edward and Jasper are not mine, either. *Tear***

* * *

I ride back to the dorms Sunday evening, wondering what Jasper has to tell me. He apologized in his message, so I don't think he's going to move out or tell me he doesn't want to be friends. There is a part of me that's still worried, though, and I am slowly freaking out.

I just need to let him know that it's okay. He can date Alice if he wants to. I can lie and say that it doesn't bother me. I'd do that for Jasper. I just want him to be happy.

When the taxi stops, I pay the driver and grab my bag. I use my key fob to unlock the door, and I take the elevator to the fourth floor. Inhaling deeply though my nose outside of the room, I put the key in the lock and open the door.

"Hey," I call out with my back to the room as I shut the door. There's no response. I guess Jasper is getting dinner or something. I turn to find him, though, asleep on his bed. He's on top of the covers, fully dressed with his mouth wide open.

"Jasper," I call out, feeling strange about waking him, but I really want to know what he has to say.

He makes a strange gurgling noise, and I laugh to myself.

"Jasper," I whisper, walking closer.

"Huh? Wha?" he mumbles, fluttering his eyes open. He's too cute when he's all disoriented.

Hold up.

Did I just think Jasper was cute. Like a puppy dog? First that flight attendant and now Jasper. What the fuck does that say about me? My breathing picks up, nearing frantic, but Jasper makes a gurgling noise, distracting me.

"Are you awake?" I ask, hoping he tells me to leave him alone, but I even with that thought, I don't move away. I'm so close, I could touch him. He opens his eyes, looking up at me, smiling.

"What?" he implores sleepily. I can't help but laugh, and his smile grows. "Was I sleeping?"

"Yeah," I tell him, fidgeting nervously.

He sits up, rubbing his face. "I don't know how that happened," he yawns.

"Jasper," I say his name. I need to say my peace and then get out of here. I have to clear my head before I go crazy.

"Listen, Edward," he begins at the same time. "You go first," he tells me after we both pause when the other starts talking.

I nod, taking a deep breath to steel my nerves. "I am so sorry for the way I acted Tuesday night," I state sincerely. "I was acting like a huge dick, and I don't even know why. If you want to date Alice," I gulp, trying to squelch the burning in my gut. "If you want to date Alice," I start again, hoping I sound genuine, "then you should."

"I don't want to date Alice."

I don't believe him. I look over his face, searching for a sign of dishonesty. I saw the way they were together, and Jasper kept touching her, laughing with her. He seemed happy. I wouldn't want to take that from him. "Don't just say that because that's what I want to hear, Jasper. You're a great guy, and," I pause, dropping my gaze to the floor, "Alice would be lucky to date you."

"I don't want to date Alice, Edward," he repeats.

I lift my head from the ground to look him in the eyes. "I don't understand."

"Edward, I'm gay."

"Excuse me," I croak out.

He chuckles nervously. "I'm sorry to spring it on you, but I can't lie anymore, to anyone," he pauses. "I'm gay."

"You're gay?" I repeat in a quiet voice. "As in, you like guys?"

He nods. "Yeah."

"Have you been gay this whole time?" I ask stupidly, immediately regretting the question.

"The whole time I've known you?" He furrows his brow.

"God, I don't know, I guess. That was dumb," I mutter quickly. I sit on the edge of my bed, facing Jasper. He's staring at the floor, but I can still make out the frown on his face. "Jasper..." I start, unsure of my next words.

"What?" His voice is shaky.

"It's just that... I don't..." I hang my head. I don't know what to say or to feel. I fucking don't know anything. Well, besides that I want to comfort him.

He sighs. "I get it, Edward. If you want me to move out..."

"What?" I interrupt him, my one word question much louder than our hushed conversation. "Why would you say that, Jasper." He shrugs. "I don't want you to move out."

He looks up at me, his eyes wet with unshed tears. "You don't?" He sniffs quietly, wiping his nose with the sleeve of his shirt. I stand up to get him some tissues.

Handing them to him, I say, "No, I'm going to have to adjust to this new information, but I would hate it if you moved out."

He raises an eyebrow at me. "Why?"

I make a strange scoffing noise. Why won't he believe me? "Shit, Jasper! You're my best friend. That's why!" I stand up, exasperated with this whole situation.

"Thanks, I didn't want to move out," he laughs humorlessly. "You're my best friend, too," he adds in a quieter voice.

"I know that already," I state matter of factually.

He looks at me strangely. "Did you now?"

"Yeah, you told me on Halloween."

He groans. "I don't remember that at all."

I laugh, hoping it cuts the tension in the small room. "You were wasted." He chuckles along with me, but all the sudden I'm assaulted by the image of a drunken Jasper with his lips lingering on my neck as I carried him down the hall. Not only that, but it's almost as if I can feel his mouth on me now and the way I reacted, the way it made me feel.

I have to get out of here.

"Listen, Jasper. I'm glad you were comfortable enough to let me know, and I'm cool with the whole gay thing." I grab my phone, checking the time. "Well, look what time it is," I state loudly, obviously overacting. "I told Bella I'd be at her dorm fifteen minutes ago. I'll see ya later."

He frowns, covering his eyes with one of his hands. "Bye," he replies almost silently, climbing back into bed and burying himself under the covers.

I wander around campus for about two hours after the sun goes down, trying to figure shit out. I know I probably didn't leave the room the best way. I could hear the dejection in Jasper's voice, but what was I supposed to do? Tell him that just today I seem to be a little interested in him? I don't think so, and how would he even react to that. He's not playing around with his sexuality. He obviously knows that's he gay.

What am I, though?

Am I just susceptible to the influence of others? Bella wants me, so I go along with it. That flight attendant flirts with me, and I enjoy it. Jasper tells me he's gay, and I suddenly feel... something, whatever it is, for him.

My head is a fucking mess, and I honestly don't know how to start figuring it all out. I was just in my self-imposed bubble for so long, and now that it's been popped, every new emotion is like some crippling disease. Shit. I make about as much sense as Sarah Palin running for VP.

I don't think I'm gay, though. I mean, it's not like I've ever considered it before. Then again, if I'm thinking logically, I never really considered anything sexual before this year. I don't remember lusting after the girls in my class, but I'm sure I never desired the boys, either.

Groaning out loud, I decide to trek back to the dorms. I check my cell once I get in the room, surprised to find it's almost midnight. I walked around a lot longer than I thought. Turning on my lamp, I look over at Jasper. His face is scrunched up in his sleep as he shifts around, obviously restless. I did that to him. Before I'm even aware that I made the decision, I'm leaning over him, trying to shake him awake.

"Jasper," I call his name out. He opens his eyes, grimacing and blinking furiously because of the light of the lamp in the dark room.

He mumbles something that sounds like, "What the fuck?"

"Wake up," I urge.

He opens his eyes fully, looking up at me. "Edward, is something wrong?" he asks in alarm.

"No, nothing's wrong, I just needed to tell you something," I respond almost shamefully.

He reaches out, placing his hand on my shoulder. "You can tell me anything." I smile at his kindness. Jasper is the most considerate person I know.

"I'm sorry for the way I reacted earlier. I wasn't running out the room to get away from you," I apologize nervously. "I hate that I hurt your feelings, and I just wanted you to know that I really am fine with you being gay." He gives me a warm smile, his face reflecting his relief from my words. "I promise, Jasper, that nothing is going to change between us."

His smile falters for a moment, almost drooping into a frown, but he recovers it. "Thanks, Edward. That means a lot to me."

***~E~***

The next morning, for some reason, I wake up when Jasper does. Normally, when he gets up to leave for the gym, I'm still oblivious to the world. Unless, I'm going with him. I must have been sleeping lightly, though, because the moment his feet hit the ground, my eyes open. I don't announce that I'm awake, and I watch him from the cracks of my lids. He tiptoes around the room, constantly checking my should-be-sleeping form to make sure he hasn't woken me.

His thoughtfulness causes my mouth to twitch into an almost smile, but I fight the urge, keeping up my sleeping facade. When he leaves the room, I let myself drift back into my dreams. The next thing I know, my alarm is blaring into my ear, startling me awake. Groaning, I slap at the noisy machine and sit up. With barely open eyes, I shuffle around the room, getting dressed and grabbing my stuff for class.

It's Monday, so I have class with Bella. It's wrong of me to say, but I'm not particularly looking forward to seeing her. I never called her back yesterday, and I don't want her to be angry with me. Also, I just feel even more uncomfortable with out relationship now than I did before Thanksgiving. Something in me has shifted, but I don't know what to do about it. Most likely, what I really need to do is to sit down and examine my feelings and wants.

I'm almost scared of what I'm going to discover, though.

I mean, is it normal to have semi-homosexual feelings? I'm pretty sure it is. Just because I thought for a fleeting moment yesterday that Jasper was cute doesn't make me gay. Being gay means that without a doubt you are attracted only to the same sex. Am I even attracted to men?

On the walk to class, I let my eyes wander over every attractive person I see, male or female. I don't really feel anything. It's not that I can't tell that they are good looking, but I don't have the urge to kiss them or get to know any of them. What causes attraction, anyway? I always assumed guys were mostly drawn in by the physical, but none of these strangers are doing anything for me. Maybe, I need the emotional connection more than the physical?

Is that the reason I keep thinking about Jasper? Am I attracted to Jasper because he means so much to me? He is one of the most important people in my life, and I would be lost without him. Is that fact somehow getting switched around in my head and confusing me? I have no fucking idea, but I do know that since yesterday, I can't stop thinking about him, about letting my fingers graze his arm or run through his hair. For a moment, my mind lingers on his lips, but that is a dangerous road to travel down.

I'm definitely not ready to even consider that.

A small body hugging my waist breaks me out of my head. I look down, finding a slew of brown hair before Bella turns her face up toward mine, smiling at me.

"You didn't call me last night," she chides with a light slap on my arm. "I was worried about you."

"Sorry," I apologize, ruffling her hair. She darts away playfully, smoothing it down. "I got in late," I lie. I could tell her about the real reason I didn't call, but I won't. Jasper's sexual preference is not mine to share. If he wants someone to know, he'll tell them.

"That's okay," she says with a smile. Taking my hand in hers, she tugs me toward our seats. I sit and take out my notebook. Bella does the same, shifting her body toward mine once she's situated. "How was Thanksgiving?" she asks. "Besides a few texts, I barely heard from you."

"Well, you know..." I pause, "family stuff." I keep my eyes trained on my college ruled paper.

"Yeah," she states in a strange voice. She opens her mouth to say something else, but our professor walks in at the same moment. Bella harrumphs at the timing, but turns toward the front, ready to take notes.

Somehow, I manage to pay attention for the entire class. We're getting too close to finals to space out. My worries are always waiting on the brink of the forefront of my thoughts, though, ready to resume their top priority.

After class, I stuff my shit into my backpack, hoping to make a quick exit. Bella calls out my name as soon as my feet hit the hallway, so I stop.

"God, Edward, is something on fire?" She asks with a huff.

"No, sorry. I was just trying to get to lunch."

She puts her hands on my face. "Is there something wrong, Edward?"

"I'm just tired."

She bites her lip in thought. "You know I'm here for you no matter what." I nod. "Is there anything you need to tell me."

"No. I'm fine."

"Well, would you like to hang out with me tomorrow night. Jane will be gone." She blushes.

"I actually have a lot of school work," I say, making an excuse.

"Okay, that's fine. What day is good for you?" She asks, tapping her foot.

I have no reason to be acting like this with Bella. I should just hang out with her, take it further that kissing, and see how I feel. I mean, how am I supposed to feel?

"How about Friday?"

She smiles at me. "Friday is great. We could order take out and watch a movie."

I give her a smile, resolving my decision. "That sounds like fun, Bella."

***~E~***

Jasper takes another bite of his burrito as I continue to push my taco salad around on my plate with my fork.

"Arywo not hrungy," Jasper asks me with his mouth full.

I make a face and shake my head. "Swallow, please."

He does, laughing. "That's what he said!"

I can't help but laugh, nodding. "I walked right into that one."

He chuckles for a moment longer, wiping fake tears of laughter out from under his blue-grey eyes. They're twinkling with amusement still. "I know. I'm awesome, but seriously, are you not hungry? Is something wrong?"

I let my fork drop onto my plate. "Nah, I'm just not hungry, I guess."

He nods, looking me over for falsity. "Okay, but you know if you need to talk about anything, I'm here."

I almost scoff at his words. How could I tell him my thoughts without freaking him out. I don't want Jasper to know that I keep thinking about him, in a more than platonic way. That when he pops into my head, I get uncomfortable and embarrassed. How would I explain any of those things? I can't even make out the jumbled mess that is my head, how could I thrust all my worries onto his shoulders. When it comes down to it, I'm just going to have to figure out what it all means - on my own.

"When did you know?" I ask suddenly and without thought, taking him up on his offer. I realize I'm completely changing the subject. The words , as well, are a complete turn about from my thoughts, and I'm sure he's going to think it's weird I'm asking him this. I just need to know.

"Know what?" he questions absentmindedly, scooping up a spoonful of rice.

I whisper, "that you were... gay."

"What?" His voice is shaky. "Why do you ask, Edward?"

"Umm, I was curious," I reply with a shrug, keeping my tone casual. "Did you never like girls?"

He looks uncomfortable from my questioning, but he makes a noise like he's thinking over his answers. He takes a deep breath, picking imaginary lint off of his black t-shirt. "I don't know the exact moment when I knew without a doubt, you know? I don't remember ever be attracted to girls, though."

I nod, considering his words. "So, you never did anything with a girl?"

"Well, I mean, I did try things..." he trails off. "It just didn't feel right."

"What kinds of things?" I ask, trying to keep this conversation alive. I know it's none of my business, but I don't care about manners at the moment.

"Fuck, Edward, why does it matter?" I shrug. "That's not an answer," he states seriously, demanding an answer.

Sighing, I tell him the semi-truth. "It doesn't matter that you've done things with girls, Jasper. I was just interested to get to know a little more about that part of you."

"Fine," he huffs, tapping his fork repeatedly on the edge of his plate. "When I was fifteen, a girl gave me a handjob." My face flushes with his words, thinking of Bella doing the same thing. How would that make me feel? "It felt good," he continues. "I mean, hell, she was touching my cock, of course it felt good, but it just wasn't right."

"Oh." It's all I can think to say.

"Yeah, then Peter came along..."

"Peter?" I question loudly, interrupting.

He clears his throat. "Yes, Edward, Peter."

"Is he your boyfriend?" I drop my eyes to my plate.

"No. It was always casual."

Does that mean it was casual a long time ago, or that it's casual now? When Peter visited did they have... relations? I don't like that thought, or the way it makes me feel.

"This stuff tastes like shit," I say after an awkward moment of silence, trying an avoidance tactic. I changed my mind. I cannot hear anything else about Jasper and that dipshit, Peter.

Jasper arches a brow in question, watching my face. "No more questions, Edward?"

"No."

"Okay," he retorts. He takes another bite of his burrito, and I force myself to eat the food on my plate.

***~E~***

"So, what do you have going on this afternoon" I ask, while Jasper and I are playing video games Friday afternoon. I'm trying to keep my tone casual, but it's hard to do. We're both sitting on the floor, leaning against my bed, and I am more than aware of how close Jasper's body is to mine. I can practically feel his body heat, and it's making me uncomfortable.

He keeps his eyes locked on the television. "Umm, I actually have a date..." he trails off.

"What?" I ask, rather loudly. I lower my voice. "Who are you going out with?"

"This guy from my psychology class," he tells me with a shrug.

I scratch my head. "What's... his name?"

Jasper sighs, pausing the game. He turns to look at me. "Edward, do you really want to do this?"

I distract myself by playing with the edge of my comforter. "Do what?"

"Talk about this!" he exclaims. "Do you really want to hear about my date with a guy?"

I shrug. "Friends talk about these things, right?" I ask, trying to keep my voice from shaking. He stares at me for a moment, and I try not to fidget under his gaze. I want to be here for Jasper. Even if, the idea of him on a date makes me really angry. It's an irrational anger that I can't categorize as one specific thing. I'm worried he is going to replace me or never have time for me. Also, there is a part of me that's jealous, but I don't know how to feel about that.

God, I wish there was some kind of sign to show me the way because right now, the only thing I know it that I have no idea what to do about anything.

"His name is Felix," he finally tells me.

"Felix," I repeat, nodding my head in thought. What a stupid name. "Where did you meet, this Felix?"

"Um, well, we met the first time at a club," he mumbles quickly.

I inject, "What club?" How and when did Jasper go to a club? He's not even old enough to get in.

He scratches his head, running his fingers through his dirty blond curls. I watch his hands sweep through his hair. It looks really soft. A moment later there is a loud snap in front of my face. "Edward," Jasper calls my name, waving his hand in front of my face. "Hello? Earth to Edward."

"Huh?" I mutter, closing my eyes tight and shaking my head. "God, I must have spaced out there for a moment," I say after a second, thoroughly embarrassed. I just fucking tranced out staring at Jasper's hair. What the hell is going on with me?

"You think?" Jasper laughs, and then, he adds in a more serious voice. "Is everything all right with you, Edward. You've been acting... funny."

"Funny?" I croak. "How so?"

He moistens his lips with his tongue, and I have to turn away from the sight. Shit. "You've just been out of it since we got back from Thanksgiving, and I'm starting to worry about you."

"That's so sweet that you're worried, Jasper," I remark, cupping his face with my hand. He inhales sharply from the contact, and I hold my breath, waiting for one of us to make a decision. He covers my hand on his face with his own.

"What are you doing, Edward?" He asks through slightly heavy breath. I rub my thumb along his jaw line, and he nuzzles closer to my hand with half lidded eyes.

I decide to answer honestly, "I don't know." He opens his eyes and halts the ministrations of my hand, looking deep into my eyes.

"What do you want, Edward," he asks quietly. "I need you to tell me."

I bite my lip. Jasper's eyes are trained on my mouth. "I want you, Jasper," I state evenly. I take a deep breath before moving in and letting my lips graze his. He grants me a beautiful smile, and my heartbeat picks up from that small act alone.

Jasper groans into my mouth, and I can't help but mimic his noises. This feels so right, so perfect. My lips against his, moving together, working in tandem. This is what I never knew I needed. This is what I've been missing.

"You taste so good, Edward," Jasper remarks before running his tongue over my lips, silently asking for more. I eagerly open my mouth to him, and he thrusts his tongue inside my mouth. With our tongues flicking together, I root my hands in those silken curls. It feels better than I imagined it would.

"Jasper!" He moves his lips down my cheek to my jaw line, kissing up to my ear. He takes my lobe into his mouth, alternating between hard and gentle bites. "More! Please... please," I chant. He doesn't make me beg any longer because a moment later, my shirt is off, tossed carelessly across the room. He moves his mouth down my chest, laving my collarbone with his tongue before sucking one of my nipples into his mouth.

I didn't know that could even feel good for a guy. It does, though, and I'm fucking about to explode. "Shit," I curse, pulling at his shirt. I need more – more skin, more contact, more kissing, more touching, just more! With his beautiful body exposed to my eager eyes, I pull him down on top of me, so that we're chest to chest. I love the feel of his hard, muscular body against mine.

"God, I want you so much, Edward," Jasper groans before attaching his mouth back on mine. With our tongues working together, he runs his hands over my exposed chest, slipping them behind me to grasp my ass. I lose my breath at the feeling of his strong hands, spreading and rubbing my ass cheeks through my jeans. "You are so fuckin' hot!" His words cause my face to warm and my pants to tighten.

"You are," I pant, kissing down his throat to his chest, copying his previous actions and taking his nipple into my mouth. "Mmm..." I moan around his hardened nub. He grips the back of my head, holding me tighter to his chest.

"That's it, Edward. Feels so good," he mumbles almost incoherently. I love that I'm reducing him to babbling, that I have that much control over his body. "Open your legs to me, baby," he urges, and I fucking whimper from the endearment he calls me. I comply, spreading myself for him, and he situates his body on top of mine between my legs. He thrusts against me, our hardened cocks rubbing against each other through the rough denim.

I cry out in pleasure, and Jasper chuckles dangerously into my ear. "Fuck, yeah," he moans, his voice barely a whisper. "Do you like that?" He asks, thrusting hard and fast. "Tell me who's making you feel this way." I grunt in responce, unable to form any words. "Tell me!" he demands.

"You make... me feel this... way," I finally pant out my reply, wantonly arching up to meet Jasper every time. "You!"

"That's right, Edward." He runs his tongue along the shell of my ear. "Only me."

I chant his name as I get closer and closer to the edge. "I'm about to... gonna..." I practically scream.

"That's it cum for me, baby. Cum from just feeling my dick sliding against yours. You feel so fucking good." He grinds against me harder, his stiff cock rubbing mine at just the right angle to push me over the edge.

"Fuuuuuuuuuuck!" I yell when my orgasm hits, cumming in my pants. I think Jasper cums as well, but everything around me sounds as though it's in a bubble. He says something to me, but it comes out like the teacher from _Charlie Brown_. "What?" I ask, breathless. He opens his mouth to speak again.

_...Your past times consisted of the strange, the twisted and deranged. And I love that little game you had called Cryin' Lightnin'. And how you like to aggravate the ice-cream man of rainy afternoons..._

I wake up with a gasp. My phone starts ringing again, but I ignore it. My breath is heavy, and my heart is racing. Also, I'm more than aware of the sticky mess in my sleep pants, plastering my underwear to my leg.

Fuck. I just had a wet dream.

About Jasper.

My eyes automatically roam over to his bed, happy to find him still asleep. He rolls over in his sleep, exposing his beautiful face to my hungry eyes.

"Shit," I hiss, realizing that I just thought Jasper was beautiful. "Dammit. Dammit. Dammit," I chant through heavy breath.

"Edward?" Jasper asks, opening his eyes to look over at me. I immediately freeze. He's going to know that I just came in my pants because I had a dream he was dry humping me. He's going to see it written all over my face, plain as day. I have to get out of here! "Are you okay?" He questions, rubbing his eyes.

"Uh, yeah, fine," I mumble. "Shower."

Without another word, I run from the room. I strip down as soon as I'm in the bathroom and step into the first shower stall, turning the water on as hot as I can stand it With my dream still fresh on my mind, I replay everything I can remember.

It started out normal enough. Jasper and I did play video games yesterday, and he told me about his date with that guy, whatever his stupid fucking name was. Then, I left, feeling strange about the new feelings I was having involving Jasper. I went to Bella's. We watched a movie and made out. She placed my hand on her boob, and her moans told me she liked that. I went along with everything until she moved my hand further south, asking me to touch her pussy. I nearly started laughing. That was about the time I knew I needed to go home, so I made an excuse to leave. When I got to the dorm, Jasper was still out, and I fell asleep unhappy.

The dream took our innocent conversation yesterday down a completely different path, ending with us grinding against each other and cumming in our pants. I actually fucking jizzed in my pants. I had a wet dream like a damn twelve year old. It seemed so real, though, and it felt so fucking good... in my head, of course. My dick grows a little in remembrance of what our dream selves did.

Fuck. Apparently, my conscious mind likes it as well. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

"Edward," Jasper calls out my name, interrupting my repetitious cursing. and I unconsciously grip the edge of the shower curtain tight, making sure it's closed all the way. "Edward," he repeats because I haven't answered him.

"Y-Yeah?" I croak.

I can hear him moving around outside the shower. "I brought you a towel," he tells me through the curtain.

"Huh?" I question unintelligibly.

"You ran out of the room pretty quickly, but I noticed you didn't have a towel. So, um, yeah, I brought you one," he says, fumbling through his words. I would bet money that he's running his fingers haphazardly through his hair right now, making a mess out of the curls. The image I conjure up makes my dick twitch.

"Fuck!" I growl.

"Are you okay, Edward?" Jasper asks me almost frantically.

"I'm fine," I lie, resting my head against the shower stall in frustration. Motherfucking germs be damned.

He scoffs in disbelief but doesn't push me to say anything else. "Okay then. I'm just going to leave the towel on the hook next to the shower." My every cell is attuned to him, only separated from my naked body by a flimsy plastic barrier. What would he do if I just tore open the curtain, revealing myself to him. Would he want me?

This brings a whole new set of worries into my head. God, I'm just discovering that I'm gay or bisexual or whatever the fuck am I! All I know is that I kind of want Jasper. Now, I have to worry about whether or not he would want me back.

I can't do that. I can't put myself out there only to be rejected by him. That would fucking kill me.

Why am I even thinking about this, anyway. It's all a moot point. I'm probably not gay, right? It was just a dream. I mean, I had a dream one time about murdering a whole room of people with a machine gun. That doesn't mean I actually want to kill people. Having a sex dream about someone doesn't automatically mean you want them. It's just a dream.

It's just a dream.

That's all it is.

I turn my face into the water, closing my eyes, letting the hot water practically scald my skin. I'm too busy repeating my "just a dream" mantra to myself that I don't even hear the bathroom door swing shut when Jasper leaves.

I finish my shower, reluctantly opening the curtain. I reach for the towel that Jasper brought me. The towel I never thanked him for.

Dammit. I'm an asshole.

***~E~***

After I awkwardly thank him for the towel, I get dressed back in the bathroom. I avoid all eye contact with Jasper while we're in the room together. I'm scared that if he looks into my eyes, he'll know. I don't know what to do, so I run out the dorm, telling Jasper I'm spending the day with Bella.

It's the first lie I could think of, but it seems like a good idea. I mean, she is my girlfriend. I groan out loud. God, I should probably just break up with her. That would be for the best. It's not fair to her that I'm even contemplating my sexuality. Above all, I don't want Bella to get hurt.

I open the doors to the dorm, letting myself out into the crisp December air. It rains a lot here, but the weather is so much nicer than home. I'm sure it's nearing freezing already there. It's always so fucking cold. Even though it's nicer in Seattle, it's still pretty chilly, so I button up my coat.

I walk around campus aimlessly for a while before collapsing on a bench, situated under a large tree.

I start to try and sort through the thousands of thoughts and emotions running through my head. My brain is leading me in two different directions. I know if I'm even considering liking Jasper, I should break up with Bella. It would only be fair to her, but there is another part of me that doesn't want to make a rash decision based solely on a damn dream. What if I just need to go further with her? What if I was having sex dreams because I keep stopping our relationship from progressing? Maybe, I'm just... um... horny.

I think I should consider that possibility at least. Just because I had one wet dream about Jasper doesn't mean I'm gay. That doesn't seem reasonable. It's not that I have something against homosexuality. I believe that you love who you love. How do you know, though?

I imagine there are some gay guys that knew immediately they didn't like girls, but what if you don't know right away? What's that saying – you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your prince?

Shit, not that Bella's a frog, and Jasper's a prince. That's not what I meant.

I'm not sure how long I sit there, mulling over everything, but my teeth are chattering. I take my phone out of my pocket and shoot Bella a quick text.

**Sorry about running off last night. Can I come over this morning to make it up to you – E**

I push send, ready to face the consequences. I've either made a great decision or a humongous mistake, and only time will tell. Not a minute later, I get an answer.

**Sure thing! Call when you get here, and I'll come let you in – B**

Instead of answering her, I just start walking toward her dorm. This whole situation could end up with all three of us hurt, and I don't want that. I don't want anyone to be upset from my wishy-washy emotions, but if I had a choice, I'd choose me, rather than Jasper or Bella. They don't deserve it at all. I'm the only one at fault.

This is probably for the best, though. I have to know. I can't just base a decision like that, one that will impact the rest of my life, on a dream! I have to be certain what my choice is. I can't confirm anything without clear evidence of the facts.

This is something I have to do.

I text her like she asked when I'm outside of her dorm, and Bella comes down to let me in with a giant smile on her face.

She opens the door. "I'm so glad you're here!" I return her smile, happy that everything with her is normal as usual. "What do you want to do?"

"Watch a movie?" I suggest, and she nods in agreement, taking my hand. I follow her into the dorm. Once we're in her room, she motions for me to pick out a DVD. I need to set the mood, so I grab _The Notebook_. My breath is coming out in shudders. I'm so fucking nervous.

I turn to face her, masking my face to hide my emotions. I hold up the movie. She gives me a questioning look. "You really want to watch _The Notebook_, Edward?"

I shrug. "It's a good movie."

She walks closer, looking up at me from under her eyelashes, smiling alluringly at me. Her fingertips play with the fabric of my shirt. "It's pretty romantic..." she trails off. "Edward, why did you really come here this morning?"

"Uhh..." I gulp anxiously, watching her hands on my chest. "I wanted to..." She moves them further south, running her fingers along the waist of my jeans. "I wanted... umm..." Bella brushes her hand against my crotch. I take a deep breath. "Make it up to... for... shit... last night..." I trail off as she grips my dick in her palm.

She licks her lips, and I lean in to kiss her. The moment I close my eyes, though, Jasper's face is plastered behind my closed lids.

"Shit!" I curse, breaking the kiss and moving away from her. "Fuck. Fuck. Shit. God Dammit!"

"Edward!" Bella yells, obviously worried. "What is it?"

Jasper. That's all I can think. Jasper. Motherfucking Jasper Whitlock and his gray eyes and soft hair and beautiful smile and.... "FUCK!"

"Edward!" She calls out my name again, walking toward me and placing her hands on my face, trying to comfort me. "Calm down, please! What's going on?"

"I can't," I pant, closing my eyes and shaking my head. "I can't, Bella. I'm so sorry, but I can't."

"You can't what, Edward?" She asks, trying to figure out what I'm talking about.

"I'm not who I thought I was, Bella! I'm not..." I trail off, wiping my wet eyes. "I can't do this anymore. I'm so sorry."

"Why? What are you talking about?" she cries out, looking away.

"I'm not sure, but I can't be with you anymore, not like this. We're friends, though, right?" I question, needing to know I haven't lost her.

She sighs. "Always." She gives me a sad smile. "I'll talk to you later."

With my cue to leave, I walk to the door. I turn back to her once more. "I really am sorry, Bella. I wanted this to work. I wanted to be enough for you," I urge her to believe me.

"I know, Edward, and I'm sorry, too. I knew better..." she trails off. I look at her in question, but she shakes her head. "Dammit, Edward, just go. It'll be better to talk about this when we both have clear heads."

I nod, opening the door to leave and closing it on my and Bella's romantic relationship. I walk back to our dorm, working up the nerve to talk to Jasper. I'm not sure what I'm going to say, but I feel as though he's the only one who can help.

Outside of the room, I start to panic. Shit. Calm down, Edward. Breathe. Breathe. It's Jasper. He's going to be supportive, no matter what. It's that thought that regulates my breathing. It's that thought that silences the shouting in my head.

I can do this. I can tell him. It's Jasper, and he's my best friend.

I open the door. A head turns in my direction. It's Jasper, alright, but he's not alone.

* * *

**Oh, snap. lol. Who says snap anymore? Well, what do you think about that? ;) I'd love to hear from you. **

**Alright, y'all big shout out to the five of you who came to and played on the thread. If you aren't, you should because there are some fun things over there. I posted an ATD banner link for your sig if anyone is interested. Also, I'm going to start posting my favorite reviews for each chapter because seriously, some of you are really funny. Then, there are these little things called teasers. Yep, I posted one for the chapter you just read. ;) SOO, I have bribed you enough to come by? How much bigger of a tool do I need to be to convince you to come by? Remember, I do have my limits...**

**Also, if you're interested, I just started a Twitter account. I'm not so sure how to use it, but considering I have one friend or follower, whatever their called, I haven't really tried to figure it out yet. If you want to find me, my name is PPersuasion. Am I supposed to put an before the name? **

**Anywho, sorry about the long rambling AN.**


	12. Jasper & his Frostbitten Feet

**Sooo, this is late again. Sorry about that. I was having a hard time getting motivated. **

**I don't own Twilight. That's for sure. Nor, do I own the song The Rat by the Walkmen, Jasper's ring tone. I LOVE the Walkmen, fyi. Their song In the New Year kills me every single time I hear it.**

* * *

On Tuesday afternoon, I'm sitting in one of the big lecture halls for my psychology class, waiting for class to start. I'm actually early, so I have more than enough time to sit and contemplate Edward.

Like always.

Sunday night, I was upset by the way he acted to my news. He said he was fine with it, but then he pretended he was supposed to be at Bella's. It was obvious with the way that boy was acting he just needed to get out of the room and away from me. The thought that revealing my sexuality to Edward made him bolt from our dorm was really fucking disheartening. I was fucking biting my nails in worry, waiting for him to come back and tell me he was moving out like Mike did. Honestly, I didn't care when Mike moved out, but the difference is Mike was a shit roommate and a huge douche.

Edward, though, is perfect for me. I shake my head to clear that thought. Edward and I are perfect _roommates_. That is a pretty fucking important distinction.

"Shit," I whisper, cussing at myself. I'm trying to get over this crush, or whatever it is, I have on him. I can't think that way.

I can't think about his full lips or his green eyes or the way he smiles at me, like I'm the only one that matters.

Dammit! It's like I'm fucking addicted to him or something. I have to find away to stop thinking about him!

Besides, he made it perfectly clear that he wants everything to stay the same between us.

The thing that gets me, though, is that I'm trying to keep things normal. Edward is the one acting... funny. I don't know if there is another way to describe it, but it confuses the shit out of me.

"What cha thinking so hard about, sweetheart?" A male voice whispers into my ear from behind me. I whip my head around to find Felix, grinning at me like the fucking Cheshire Cat, displaying his fuck me hard dimples for the world to see. I smile back at him. "That's what I like to see," he teases. He motions to the seat next to me. "Can I?"

"Of course," I reply, moving my backpack to the floor. He plops into the seat, turning his body toward mine. "I didn't know you were in this class."

He smirks, glancing away sheepishly. "Well, I didn't want the first thing I said to you at the bar last week to be, 'aren't you in my psych class,'" he remarks, scrunching his nose adorably.

I nudge him with my elbow lightly, and he looks up at me. "You noticed me, huh?" I ask with a wink.

"You could say that," he responds evasively.

"Hmm."

"Is that all?" he questions. "Hmm?"

I laugh. "What do you want me to say?" He puts on what must be his thinking face as his short nails tap furiously against the arm of his chair. A second later, though, before he can respond, the professor walks through the door, taking his place at the front of the room.

While taking notes about Pavlov's dog, a piece of paper is slipped onto my small wooden desk. In my peripheral vision, I glance over at Felix, but he's looking straight ahead, seemingly completely absorbed in the theory the professor is explaining.

I unfold the slip of torn notebook paper and smile as I read the words.

**I want you to say: Felix, your room or mine?**

Shaking my head, I write a note back to him, telling him I don't do casual sex anymore. I toss it to him, feeling slightly stupid that we're passing notes to each other. We aren't middle school aged girls. A second later, the paper is back in front of me.

**Who said anything about sex? Someone's mind is in the gutter.**

Snorting, I cough to cover up the unattractive noise. Beside me, Felix's eyes widen in amusement as he shakes with silent laughter. His quiet crack-up is contagious, and I bite my lip to keep the laughter at bay. My stomach clenches and burns with each chuckle I hold in.

After about a minute, I can finally breathe again. I look over at Felix, noticing that he face is red and flushed. He's taking deep breaths, as well.

I write back, letting him know that my mind is always in the gutter. I'm a guy, after all.

He nods, smiling, as he reads over what I wrote. He quickly scribbles something back to me.

**Haha. True. BTW, it's not casual if we go out on a date first. **

He want's to go out on a date? God. I haven't been out on a date – EVER. Everything I've done up until this point has been on the down low. I pretended to be attracted to girls, but I never actually took them out. I normally went stag to the dances in high school if I even went. I always played it off like I was too cool for that shit.

I don't know what to tell him. He seems like a great guy. He's hot as sin, but do I want to go out on a date with him? I mean I suppose it doesn't have to be anymore than it is, right? A date does not equal commitment.

Making up my mind, I decide to leave things vague, writing back that we could go out sometime.

He narrows his eyes as he reads my almost illegible script. He doesn't look satisfied at all. He jots something down, and then hand it back to me with purpose, thumping it down onto my desk.

**Sometime doesn't work for me. I'm busy then. How about Friday. **

Smirking at his directness, I write down my answer and my phone number.

***~J~***

_Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

One eye cracks open, slamming shut because the sunlight filtering through the window burns my cornea. I reach out blindly, hoping to make contact with my fucking annoying alarm clock. I swear that is the worst sound in the whole damn world. There is nothing worse than being forced out of a deep sleep by a machine blaring obnoxiously at you.

And, don't even get me started on what a fucking tease the Snooze button is.

After a few quick pats on the side table, I knock the clock to the floor instead of shutting it off. Groaning, I push the covers back, sluggishly bringing my feet to the floor. I open my eyes, blinking repeatedly to help adjust to the light. After a second, I reach down to find the bane of my existence, and despite the image that flashes through my head, I don't throw the annoying fucker against the wall. I simply slide the button, turning it off.

When I place it back in it's spot, I unconsciously check the time. Damn. It's 10:45. I can't remember the last time I slept in this late.

On Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have class in the afternoon. Normally, I still wake up early to try and keep my regiment the same through out the week. I may hate my father, but some of his rules are ingrained deeply into my everyday life. This being one of them.

Last night, though, I was up until fucking four, polishing up my research paper for my Southern Lit class. I figure I deserved a morning in.

My eyes flick over to Edward's bed of their own accord. He's not there, of course. Since Edward has classes and labs all day today, he's probably been gone for at least two hours. His bed is made perfectly, and nothing on his side of the room is out of place. Without a doubt, he's the neatest guy I have ever met. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm no slob, but I've been known to leave a pair of socks or two lying around. Edward, on the other hand, keeps every little thing completely organized. His fucking shirts are even arranged by color.

Now, normally, I'd find that shit rather annoying. Since it's Edward, though, it's another story. When I first saw his closet, I can only remember thinking about how adorable he was.

Just the thought of it brings a smile to my face. Cringing, I stand up, stretching out my sleepy muscles. Dammit, I have got to get over this thing with Edward. It's not fucking healthy.

Since I skipped my normal morning workout, I decide to do a few quick exercises in the room. Starting off with sit ups, I let the welcome burn clear my head. Soon though, my abs are contracting from the strain, so I stop, switching to push ups.

Just as I'm about to get fancy and add a clap or try some with only one hand, my phone rings.

..._You've got a nerve to be asking a favor. You've got a nerve to be calling my number; I know, we've been though this before. Can't you hear me when I'm calling out your name_...

I reach up to the side table without getting off the floor, singing along to my ring tone. Once the phone is successfully in my hand, I fall flat against the hard carpet, relaxing.

I check the Caller ID. Smiling, I answer the phone, "Brother's Pizza. Would you like to try our meat lover's special?"

"Y_ou already told me on Thanksgiving how much you love the meat, JJ_," Rose cackles into the phone.

Groaning, I get off the floor and plop down on my unmade bed, preparing myself for a lengthy phone conversation. "God, I walked right into that one."

"_I only call it like I see it_."

"True," I laugh.

"_I got out of my class early, so I thought I'd give you a call back. What's up_?"

"Umm..." I say in thought, trying to come up with the right thing to say.

She sighs loudly into the phone. "_I don't think so, JJ. I'm not taking any of that 'um' shit. Spill it._"

"Jeez, Rose, are you always so fucking abrasive?"

She laughs. "Yes, but t_hat is only a small part of my charm. I'm also bossy, pushy, loud and I take forever to get ready_."

I chuckle along with her. "Well, personally, I'd add a few more adjectives into that list."

"_Oh, really_?" She asks slowly. "_Like what? Beautiful? Wonderful? The best sister in the world_?"

"Sure," I state sarcastically. "That is exactly what I was going to say."

"_I thought so._" I can hear her smirk through the phone. "_That's enough about me, though, JJ. What's up? You sounded a little desperate in your voice mail_."

I don't exactly want to talk about this with Rosalie, but I don't know who else to talk to. I suppose I could have called Peter, but that would have been awkward, talking about dating with the guy I used to fuck. Although, we were more than that. We were friends first. It's too fresh, now, but we'll get back to the way we used to be.

With Peter out of the question, I called Rose last night after dinner. Edward was really freaking me out, asking all kinds of personal questions about my sexuality. He really seemed interested in how and when I knew I was gay. I don't want to read into something that may not be there, but I can't help it. More than anything, I want him to want me back. I'm stuck, though, being the friend he expects me to be.

It's just all so fucking hard. "Yeah, it was a weird evening, and I need to talk to someone," I tell her awkwardly, staring up at the tiled ceiling.

"_Well, talk_," she urges.

I release a big puff of air through my pursed lips, causing my lips to plump and my cheeks to puff. "I don't know how to talk about it."

"_First of all, tell me why your evening was so weird_," she prompts.

I launch into the story about Edward and his questions. I try not to let my feelings for him show through my words, but from the 'hmms' and 'reallys' she keeps interjecting, I don't think she's buying it.

"_It sounds to me_," she starts after I'm done, "_as though you have more than friendly feelings for your roommate_."

"No..."

"_Jasper_," she interrupts in a tone she must have learned from mom. I sigh in defeat. No matter what I do, she'll somehow get the truth out of me, anyway.

"Fine. I may have a crush."

She's quiet for a moment. "_Is he._.." she trails off.

"Straight?" I ask with a harsh sounding laugh. "I'm pretty sure."

"_Pretty sure_?" she questions. "_You think he's confused about his sexuality_?"

Sighing, I answer honestly. "I don't know, Rose. He keeps sending me all these mixed signals."

"_Do you think you might just be seeing what you want to see_?" she asks cautiously.

I laugh humorlessly. "The thought has run through my head."

"_JJ, do you want my honest advice_?"

Fuck. Rose is brutally honest, emphasis on the brutal. "I guess."

"_Forget about him_."

That's not going to happen. "He's my friend Rose and roommate. It's not that easy."

"_I know, but you need to just forget about having more than friendship with him. You just came out, JJ. I don't want an unnecessary heartbreak to push you back into the closet_."

"But, what if he actually..."

She cuts me off. "_Now is not the time for 'what ifs' and 'maybes.' Now, is the time to be who you really are without all the hiding. You need to find yourself a nice guy that is certain of his attraction to you_."

She's right, and I tell her so. "_Naturally_," is her smug response. "_Now, we have to come up with a game plan to find you a boy because remember, there are plenty of dicks in the sea_."

I choke on my laughter. "God, Rose, you have such a way with words."

"_One of my many talents_," she jokes. "_But, seriously, we need to find you a smoking hot man... like Emmett_." She makes a moaning sound, and I almost throw up a little in my mouth.

"Umm... Emmett's not really my type."

"_What_?" she shrieks into the phone. "_Emmett is hot as hell. God, the first time I saw him naked_..."

"ROSE!" I scream, holding the phone away from my ear. "Seriously, I am not ready to go there with you. I'm not sure if I will ever be comfortable with that."

"_I thought that you being gay meant we could talk about our guys_," she pouts.

I can't help but chuckle. "I don't have a guy yet."

"_You will, though. You're a catch, Jasper. Someone is just going to snatch you up. I can feel it_."

I roll my eyes, smiling at her words. "Actually, I do have a date on Friday."

"_Spill_."

***~J~***

"So, what do you have going on this evening," Edward asks me Friday afternoon while we're playing video games. We're both sitting on the floor, and he is fucking right next to me. I'm trying to stop myself from watching him out of the corner of my eye, but I am failing miserably.

With his question, he turns partially in my direction, so that it's easier to see my face. I look straight ahead, concentrating completely on Halo. "Umm, I actually have a date..." I finally tell him, trailing off. I really don't want to talk about this with him.

"What?" He asks in a loud voice, and I turn to him in surprise. "Who are you going out with?"

"This guy from my psychology class." I shrug, hoping my voice remains nonchalant.

Edward scratches his head, his face perplexed. "What's... his name?" The pause in his question causes my breath to hitch. He almost sounds sad. Game forgotten, Edward turns to me, eyes wide in curiosity.

I press the pause button on my controller before casually resting my arm along the edge of the bed. "Edward, do you really want to do this?" I ask, concentrating on keeping my voice level. Please, tell me no. I don't want to fucking talk about Felix with him of all people.

My eyes are drawn to his fingers toying with the bottom of his comforter. I seriously have to fight off the urge to grab his hand and intertwine our fingers. God, I can only imagine what his reaction would be to that. I don't want to risk our friendship to hold his hand, though; no matter how much I want to feel his skin beneath my hands.

"Do what?" he questions in a quiet voice.

Shaking my head, I practically yell, "Talk about this! Do you really want to hear about my date with a guy?" I halfheartedly throw my arms into the air. That whole bit is a little dramatic for my blood.

He shrugs, looking up at me. "Friends talk about these things, right?" He gives me a sad smile. I can't help but stare at him, trying to figure out what's causing him to be upset. Is it because I'm going on a date? Is he jealous? I almost scoff aloud at that thought. Wishful fucking thinking.

He holds my stare, not looking away. I'm not sure how long we remain like that, each of us sizing the other up for reasons left unsaid. Surprised he's not getting fidgety under our intense eye contact, I break first, telling him, "His name is Felix."

"Felix," he repeats slowly with a disbelieving look shrouding his face. "Where did you meet... this Felix?"

"Um, well, we met the first time at a club," I mumble out, wishing we weren't talking about this.

"What club?" Edward asks loudly, narrowing his eyes at me.

The tone of his voice catches me off guard. I open my mouth to speak, but close it again, scratching my head in thought. "This gay club I go to sometimes," I finally answer honestly. I take a deep breath before I look up, ready to find a look of disgust or disinterest that I know must be covering his beautiful face. Hopefully, the words "gay club" will be enough to stop this conversation from continuing.

What I find when I look up surprises me. Edward is simply staring at me. His eyes are locked on my fingers in my hair, and he gulps loudly before releasing a heavy breath.

What.

The.

Fuck.

"Edward," I call out his name, snapping to break him out of his stupor. Waving my hand back and forth in front of his face, I try again,"Hello? Earth to Edward."

"Huh?" he mumbles, shaking his head. "God, I must have spaced out there for a moment," He continues, blushing lightly.

"You think?" I ask with a disbelieving laugh. "Is everything all right with you, Edward," I question after a moment, my tone serious. "You've been acting... funny."

"Funny?" I croak. "How so?"

I almost want to laugh. How so? Hmm... let me think about it. You've been giving me weird looks, staring at me, asking all kinds of personal questions, acting jealous. I could go on and on. Instead I just say, "You've just been out of it since we got back from Thanksgiving," I moisten my dry lips with my tongue, wishing I had some Carmax, before I continue, "and I'm starting to worry about you."

"Worry about me?" He questions with a scoff. "You're the one going out with some strange dude tonight. I should be worried about you."

Furrowing my brow, I give him a puzzled look. "What does that mean?"

"It means how well do you even know this guy, Jasper?" He asks loudly, placing his hands flat on the floor to push himself up. He glares down at me. Fuck that. I stand up too, and I'm a couple inches taller. He's not going to get the higher ground unless he stand on the damn bed.

"I know that he's a nice guy, and that he wants to go out with me," I tell him, shaking my head at the sheer ludicrously of this conversation.

"Is being a nice guy the only requirement for your attention, Jasper?" He walks over to his closet, grabbing his coat and knit beanie.

"No," I say casually, trying to lighten the tension in our small room. "He's also hot as hell," I say with a laugh. His jaw clenches with my words.

"I have to go," he says through gritted teeth, sliding his arms into his coat.

"I don't know why you're acting like this, Edward." Never taking my narrowed eyes off of him, he slips on his hat, pinching the bridge of his nose.

He takes a deep breath. "Listen, I've got to go to Bella's, but just be careful with that Felix guy," he tells me without looking back up at me. "I'll see you later."

"Whatever," I state evenly as he walks out the door.

***~J~*******

At about nine, Felix and I leave the local Italian restaurant he picked out. I'm stuffed to the brim with linguine and Alfredo sauce. Dinner was light and easy. Felix is a lot of fun to be around, and I'm having a fantastic time.

"So," he asks, turning to me, twirling his keys around his pointer finger. "What do you want to do now?"

Smiling at him, I answer, "I'm not ready to go home yet. Maybe, we could go out?"

"Are you even old enough to get into a bar, Jasper?" He retorts, raising his brows in question.

Smirking, I grab his hand, pulling him to his SUV. "Let's go."

Felix takes us to the bar where we met, and I'm secretly relieved. I haven't really tested my fake ID at other places, and I would hate to get caught using it on a date. That would be pretty fucking embarrassing. Paul, my favorite bouncer, is on duty, and he winks at me as he moves the rope aside, letting us in immediately.

After a pit stop at the coat check and the bar, we make our way to a table by the dance floor, sipping our drinks once we're seated. The thumping beat of the music makes small talk almost impossible.

"Do you like this kind of music?" I scream at him. He points to his ear, shaking his head. I could try again, but I don't feel like it. I swallow down another mouthful of my beer, instead. I fucking hate this music, but I can't help but love the way the boys dance to it. I get lost for a moment, watching sweaty shirtless guys grind into each other, a sea of people moving together to the beat.

Felix taps me on my shoulder, and I look over at him with a smile. He motions to the dance floor, giving me a devilish grin. Nodding, I stand, taking his hand and letting him lead me out to the middle. We dance together well, moving our bodies together seamlessly to the obnoxious computerized bass line.

He throws his arms over my shoulders, pulling me close. With our bodies meshed together, he yells into my ear. "I really hate this music." I throw my head back in laughter, amused that he ended up answering my question that he couldn't even hear.

"I do too," I agree.

He smiles before leaning in again. His lips brush against my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine. "I do like what we're doing to the music, though, Jasper. You are so fucking sexy." I make some sort of noise in response, his seductive words leaving me a touch speechless. He smirks, watching my reaction. "God, the things I would do to you..." he trails off, giving my body a once over with his ice blue eyes.

"Tell me," I demand, rocking my hips into his with the beat.

Smiling, he leans in again. "Mmm... I love the way our cocks are rubbing together, Jasper. I can feel how hard you are. Can you feel me? Can you feel how much I want you?" I nod, moving my hands from his hips to his back, caressing the wide expanse of muscles. "I know you don't want casual sex, but I can still think about it, right?" He laughs. "Fuck, I hope so because I can't stop thinking about it."

Groaning, I hold him tighter, relishing in the feel of his strong body against mine. We continue to dance for an immeasurable amount of time, getting lost in our actions and each other. Every ten minutes or so, Felix treats me to another round of naughty words and thoughts for my listening pleasure. He is beyond good at the games he plays, and my hard cock is proof of that.

The DJ interrupts the music to let us know it's last call, and I check my watch, surprised at the time. I look back at Felix, holding my arm up so he can see my watch, as well. He merely shrugs, pulling me closer. "Time flies when you're grinding your cock against a fuckhot guy," he retorts.

"Mm hm," I reply with a smirk, grabbing his hand to pull him off the dance floor. We stop to get out coats, and then we brace ourselves for the chilly December air. We run-walk to his blue 4Runner, our sweaty bodies making the breeze almost unbearable. Felix hits the unlock button, flashing the lights, and I dive into the passenger seat, my legs bouncing uncontrollably from the cold. My teeth are chattering, and as much as I try, I can't get them to stop. I've always had that problem.

With the heat on full blast, he pulls out of the parking lot. "I had a lot of fun tonight," I say to him after I've gotten power over my noisy teeth.

He reaches over the console of the SUV, taking my hand in his. "I did, too. I would love to do this again." I nod, smiling at him. We don't say anything else for the remainder of the ride back to the dorm. I don't mind, though; I enjoy the quiet, especially after the thundering noise of the club.

When we get to the dorm, he pulls up to the curb in front of the building. He turns to me, giving me a devilish grin. I bite my lip in nervousness and anticipation, readying myself for the impending kiss. I need this. I have so much fun with him. I need to feel that spark, that extra special thing that is going to help me move on from my fascination with Edward.

I fucking need this.

With that thought, I lean in, taking charge, pressing my lips against his. We move languidly together, not rushing the moment. I take his bottom lip between mine, sucking lightly. Felix lets out a little moan, and I smile into the kiss. After a moment, I pull back, pecking his lips once more before I retreat fully.

He opens his eyes, grinning at me, and I give him a close lipped smile in return. "Thanks for the wonderful evening, Jasper," he tells me warmly.

"Good night, Felix," I respond with a smile, opening the door and practically sprinting through the cold to the front door.

I take my time walking the short distance to the elevator, thinking about the date. I really did have a good time, and Felix is easy on the eyes, that's for sure. I don't feel for Felix what I feel for Edward, but I think I could truly like him. If given the chance, there could be something great between us. True, there weren't fireworks, or whatever the fuck you want to call it, when we kissed, but there is no way to guarantee that I'd have that with Edward.

Maybe, I should just kiss him and see.

Chuckling at that thought, I get in the open elevator, riding to the fourth floor. I don't think I could ever actually do that. I mean, I probably could if I had a sign from him that proved without a doubt that he wanted me as well. I would never risk our friendship if I wasn't completely sure.

I know what I have to do. I need to give Felix a chance. Rose is right. I shouldn't let this opportunity pass me by.

That thought leaves my head, though, when I open the door to the room. Edward is asleep on his stomach, moaning and grinding his hips into his mattress.

Jesus fucking Christ.

My mouth waters with every sound that falls from his lips, and my dick gets harder than it's been in awhile. Shit. This stupid fucking boy can get me more riled up with unconscious sounds than Felix can with dirty dancing. That is not a good sign.

I take off my smelly clothes and slide under the covers. I know it's wrong, but it doesn't stop me from taking my throbbing cock out of my underwear and jacking off to noises Edward's making. I grab a tissue from my side table when I feel I'm getting close. Closing my eyes, I imagine myself above him, moving inside him. Edward whimpers in his sleep, and that's it for me. I cum hard in the tissue, biting the inside of my mouth to keep from yelling. I throw the sticky tissue into the trash can, tuck myself back into my boxers, and fall into a restless guilty sleep.

***~J~***

I'm back in bed by the time Edward returns from the bathroom. I look up at him, trying to figure out what's wrong. He's acting so uncomfortable. My stomach drops to my feet.

Does he know what I did last night?

Fuck.

Did he wake up at some point? Is that why he's acting like this?

Shit.

I hope not.

Edward moves to his closet, rifling through and pulling out a shirt and a pair of jeans. "Jasper?" he calls, hidden behind his open closet door.

"Yeah," I meek out.

"Umm... thanks for the towel."

"You're welcome, man."

He doesn't say anything else. He walks out from behind the door, carrying his clothes draped over one arm and holding tight to the towel wrapped around his body with his other hand. Without looking at me, he leaves the room.

I literally stare at the door until he walks back through it, fully dressed. He changed in the bathroom?

Shit.

He must know. I mean, why else would he be acting this way?

"I'm going to be at Bella's all day," he mumbles after grabbing his wallet and keys. He turns to go, shutting the door hard behind him.

I drop my face into my hands, fighting the urge to scream. He knows. It's all I can think, all I can feel or concentrate on. He knows, and it's more than obvious that he doesn't care for it at all.

I'm not sure how long I lie in bed, staring at the ceiling, but my phone buzzes eventually, breaking my concentration. I finally find my phone in the pocket of my jeans from last night, and I retreat back to my bed with it. Sliding it open, I read the new text message.

**I had a *hard* time getting to sleep last night. -Felix**

Despite my mood, I chuckle lightly.

**Lol. Sorry about that. What can I do to make it up to you? - Jasper**

Not a minute later, a new text arrives.

**Breakfast? -Felix**

Another arrives before I even open the first one.

**In bed? ;) - Felix. **

I'm not sure about that, but I'm sick of not taking any risks. I'm sick of feeling miserable about my feelings for Edward. I just want some goddamn lighthearted shit. I quickly type my reply.

**My roommate is out all day. - Jasper**

I press send, hoping I made the right choice. I take a deep, and hopefully, reassuring breath when I read his next text.

**I'll be there in 20 w/muffins! - Felix. **

Fifteen minutes later, there is a knock on the door. I open it to find Felix standing there in jeans, a tight white t-shirt and a tan corduroy jacket, smiling and holding up a white paper bag in triumph.

"How did you know which room was mine?" I ask after greeting him.

He laughs. "I followed someone into the dorm, and then, I just asked the guy sitting behind the desk."

"Ah," I respond, my eyes zoning in on the bag. "What kind of muffins did you bring?"

Forty-five minutes and two blueberry muffins each later, we're shirtless on my bed, making out. Our hands are roaming over all the available skin. It's obvious he's following my lead, and since my hands haven't ventured any further south, neither have his.

Felix rolls over, so that he's hovering over me. "You feel so good," he whispers into my ear, taking my lobe into his mouth. Dirty talk, apparently, is more than okay with me, though.

Closing my eyes and licking my lips, I let myself enjoy the feeling of his mouth, tongue and teeth exploring my ear, neck and jaw. "I can't wait to fuck you," he purrs.

My eyes fly open. "Excuse me?" I ask for clarification. Felix pulls back, looking into my eyes.

"I can't wait to fuck you," he repeats with a smirk.

I shake my head. "I would be the one doing the fucking," I reply.

"I don't bottom, Jasper," he tells me matter-of-factually.

"Well..." I start, but the door opening breaks my train of thought. I whip my head toward the sound, finding Edward staring at me with wide eyes. His mouth falls open in shock. He blinks repeatedly, glancing at the floor and then back to me.

"Edward..."

He holds his hand up, stopping me. He shakes his head with quivering lips and turns to leave, not even bothering to shut the door. I push Felix off of me, and without another thought, run after him.

By the time I get out the room, he's at the back door, so I sprint down the narrow hallway. When I open the door, the freezing air whips against my bare skin, stinging me. Without a second thought, I run into the cold, finding Edward pacing in the small concrete courtyard behind the dorm. "Edward," I call out his name as I approach, leaving a wide birth between us.

He doesn't look up. "Was that Felix?" he questions, his shoulders heaving.

"Yeah." I shift from foot to foot. The ground is so cold it's burning my shoeless feet.

"I'm sorry," he whispers, glancing at me and then turning his face toward the parking lot. "I didn't know you were having your boyfriend over."

"Felix is not my boyfriend," I interject quickly, wrapping my arms around my torso.

He finally looks up at me with a frown on his face. "So, what, Jasper, you just make out with any random half naked guy?"

"He's not just some random guy, either!"

"Then who is he, Jasper?" he snaps.

"Why are you getting so angry?" I implore in an almost frantic tone.

Edward looks up at me, his eyes sad. He shakes his head. "I don't know..." he trails off. "I need time to think." He turns to walk away.

"I thought you were okay with this," I yell dejectedly at his back.

"I thought so, too," he replies without even turning around.

I watch him until he disappears behind the corner of the building, and I can't see him anymore. With a sigh, I hobble back into the dorm. My feet feel like fucking ice blocks. My nearly naked body is assaulted by the heat once I'm back inside, and it feels like I'm being stabbed over and over as the sensations return to my body.

When I get back to the room, Felix is sitting at my desk, fully clothed, waiting for me. I quickly get under the covers, trying to warm my shivering body.

Felix stands and walks over to the bed, sitting on the edge by feet with a sigh. "I really like you, Jasper," he starts, "but this isn't going to work. I mean, not only are you also a top, but you have feelings for your roommate."

I start to protest, but he stops me. "Jasper, I saw your face when he opened the door. Not to mention, you fucking pushed me off the bed to run after him into the fucking cold, wearing only a pair of jeans."

He gives me a small smile, and I laugh unhappily. "God, Felix, I'm so sorry. I'm a fucking asshole."

He chuckles, shaking his head. "It's okay." He takes a deep breath. "I should go."

"Alright," I reply absentmindedly. "Hey, Felix," I call out before he leaves. "Umm... thanks for being so cool about all this."

One side of his face lifts into a smile, exposing his dimple. He shrugs. "It happens, but," he waggles his eye brows, "if you ever feel like getting that sweet ass of yours fucked, give me a call."

I laugh. He always manages to cheer me up. "You'll be the first one I call."

"I better be!" He smiles at me. "I'll see ya in class, man."

"Bye, Felix."

With a deep breath, I climb out of bed, grabbing all of my things for the shower. Hopefully, a hot shower will help me get back all the feelings in my toes. Maybe, it might also clear my head and help me figure out what to do next.

* * *

**Hmm.... I can't wait to hear what y'all have to say. **

**Also, I wrote a O/S for the Slash Backslash contest called My Beautiful Boy. It's dirty vampy slashy fun with a darker Carlisle and Edward. I would absolutely love for you to read it and tell me what you think. Just click back to my profile to check it out. **

**Thanks to everyone who plays on the thread. It makes me happy. If you haven't stopped by, you should.**

**PS - It's snowing a little bit here, but I was wearing short sleeves on Thanksgiving. I live in a weird place.**


	13. Edward & the Incident

**HI! I don't own Twilight. We all know that by now. I also don't own Edward's ringtone. Although, I did just purchase it off iTunes. ;) **

**PS - Please read the AN at the bottom. Thanks!**

* * *

"Edward..."

I can't look away as Jasper calls out my name, but I don't respond. I also don't want to hear his excuses. I do know that I shouldn't be here. I hold up my hand, hoping he takes it as an apology or an excuse me, really whatever he wants it to be.

All I know is that I have to leave.

I turn, not remembering if I shut the door or not. I'm sure that shirtless guy with the bulging muscles can manage it. He is fucking huge! Is that Jasper's type? I laugh manically to myself for a moment. I sure as fuck don't fit the kind of guy he likes, if that's the case.

I push open the back door of the dorm with force, relishing in the noise it makes when it slams against the brick on the outside of the building. The cold wind whips around my face, and I take a deep breath, trying to calm down.

"Edward!" I hear Jasper yell my name, and I close my eyes, hoping that I end up saying the right things. He shouldn't feel bad that he had a guy in the room. It's his space, as well. I said I was going to be out all day. It's not Jasper's fault he's so fucking attractive. I'm sure guys hit on him all the time. He doesn't have any thing or anyone holding him back, so I should have expected that he would hook up with guys. I mean, this shouldn't be a surprise.

I turn back, ready to give him my blessing, but I can't raise my eyes from the ground. I watch his bare feet stop five feet from me. God, he ran after me without shoes? I have to fix this as quickly as possible. He needs to go inside before he freezes his goddamn toes off.

"Was that Felix?" I blurt out, needing to make sure.

"Yeah." He answers, wiggling his toes and shifting his weight between his feet.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, hoping it's enough to end this conversation. I glance up at him then, finding his gray blue eyes locked on my face. My eyes drift over his naked torso of their own accord. I quickly turn toward the parking lot before he catches me staring. "I didn't know you were having your boyfriend over," I add.

Maybe, if I use the term 'boyfriend,' Jasper will know I'm fine and go back inside.

"Felix is not my boyfriend," he says defensively, not making this easy for me. He wraps his arms around his body, most likely trying to keep himself warm.

Does he just hook up with all kinds of guys? Am I going to have to be witness to this again and again, a different boy every time. I know I should prepare for that if it's the case, but honestly, I don't think I could take it. "So, what, Jasper, you just make out with any random half naked guy?" I ask with a frown. I can't hide the disappointment in my voice.

"He's not just some random guy, either!" His eyes widen in exasperation. I don't know what he wants me to say. He won't even tell me what that guy in our room means to him.

"Then who is he, Jasper?" I snap back, losing control of the situation and of myself.

"Why are you getting so angry?" he questions in a loud agitated voice.

That is the question of the hour, I think to myself dejectedly. I shake my head, but I don't know if I'm responding to him or my own foolish thoughts. "I don't know..." I trail off, unsure of what I should say. "I need time to think." I turn, walking away, hoping he doesn't follow. He can't stand out in the cold half dressed. He's going to get sick.

"I thought you were okay with this," he yells at me, his tone defeated.

"I thought so, too," I reply, taking a deep breath to help clear my head. Without looking back, I round the corner of the building, immediately letting my body rest against the brick. I pinch the bridge of my nose, willing away the headache that's forming behind my eyes.

"FUCK!" I yell, slapping my hands flat against the wall, the rough uneven surface scratching my palms. "Dammit," I curse in a much smaller voice. I clench my fists so tight my arms are shaking.

"Hey, you alright?" a concerned voice asks. I look up to find a squat guy with black hair looking at me like I'm a skittish dog. He's probably trying to figure out whether or not to call campus security.

"Uh, yeah," I mumble. "I'm fine." With that, I turn and leave, walking until I reach some nondescript corner of campus. Collapsing onto the ground under a giant tree, I pull my legs up, wrapping my arms around them, trying to just not think about anything.

I can't do that, though because my situation with Jasper keeps running through my mind.

I just wish I wasn't so fucking socially retarded. I'm serious. I never thought that about myself until I got to college. I mean, I know I ostracized myself from everyone I was friends with after my mom got sick, but I thought I remained some semblance of awareness about the world around me.

Apparently not, though.

I'm nineteen fucking years old. I should have had these moments of self discovery years ago. How did I miss all the signs? How has everything gone right over my head? Groaning, I lean back against the tree.

I have to stop avoiding things. I need to stop running away. This shit stops here. I'm going to figure out everything once and for all.

First things first – Am I gay?

The silent question causes me to wince. Such a short statement, only three words, but it holds enough weight to affect the outcome of my entire life.

Blushing, I realize what I need to help me figure out the answer.

Porn.

I have to go about this in the crudest way possible. I'm going to have to find some guy on guy porn and see if it gets my dick hard. I mean, that's a fucking base way to say it, but it's not like I would ever find some random dude or use Jasper as an experiment. What if it turns out I've just gotten myself worked up over nothing? People have curious thoughts, right? I don't have the balls to actually hit on another guy, and I wouldn't even know how to go about it, honestly. It's decided then. Number one priority - completing a solo recon mission.

God, I'm a huge loser.

With that plan formed, I now need to smooth things over with Jasper. I'm not exactly ready to sit him down and explain everything that's going through my head because honestly, my head is a pretty fucked up place to be at the moment. I'm not even sure I could tell him. In all seriousness, my mouth just might not cooperate.

It's fucking imperative for me to have it all together before I talk to him. Without definite answers, I can't bring it up. Anyway, the fact that I might be gay or bisexual or whatever the fuck I may be is freaking terrifying. Just the thought of it makes my heart start beating like crazy.

I really have no problem with homosexuality. I was raised by my parents to respect everyone. I was pretty shocked when Jasper told me he was gay, but I would never turn my back on him because of it. Now, though, I'm dealing with my own sexuality, and that is a scary thing to start contemplating There are so many unknowns in my life. I feel lost, and I hate it. I feel as though I've just been dropped in the middle of rural China, and I can't understand anything or anyone. Every little thing is going right over my head, and it's making me feel like I'm losing my mind.

Growling in frustration, I fist my hands into the grass, ripping chunks out of the earth. I look around me, finding two piles of torn blades of grass on either side of me. God, I must have been shredding the grass throughout my entire silent rant. I didn't even realize I was doing that. Shit. I wonder if I can get in trouble with the University for this?

With that thought, I stand up, wiping my hands together to get the green shards and specks of dirt off my skin. I put my hands in my coat pocket and walk away, hopefully inconspicuously. I consider whistling while I slowly creep away from the scene of the crime, but I quickly change my mind. I'm not a fucking cartoon character.

On the way back to the dorm, I try to think of a good apology for Jasper. I need for him to know that I'm beyond sorry for the way I acted. That's my number one priority. He looked so dejected, standing shirtless and barefoot in the cold, and then I walked away, acting like U of W's biggest asshole. I've never had a friend like Jasper before, where all I want is for him to be happy, but I can't even seem to get that right. When it comes to not hurting his feelings, I'm sucking something fierce. He's never once let me down or made me feel weird for how awkward I can be, but I have caused him visible emotional pain on more than one occasion.

I just don't know how I'm going to explain the way I acted earlier, though. I didn't want to admit that all of my anger lately has stemmed from jealousy, but after a little thought, it's more than obvious. It's the only reasonable answer for the way I've acted around Peter and Felix. I let out an agitated puff of hot air as their names tear through my mind.

Peter and Felix.

Just the thought of those two make me want to punch something. Which is strange in itself because I've never been a violent person. It's just that I'm envious of their relationships with Jasper. I mean, they're... intimate. Does that make them more important to Jasper than I am? Would he choose them over me?

Fuck.

I scoff out loud. Of course, he would choose them over me, and if not them, someone else will come along that will take the top spot in his life. He won't have time for me anymore. I'm just his friend, his roommate. That doesn't compete with boyfriend.

When, not if, Jasper gets a boyfriend, I'm going to be left behind, and that thought alone makes me feel... uh... not good at all.

Without remembering the elevator ride, the doors ding open, and I'm suddenly standing outside our door. Taking a deep breath, I turn the knob and push it open, finding Jasper on the phone. He turns to me and sighs, "Edward."

He looks away, and I notice the phone attached to his ear. "Yeah, he's back. Thanks, though. Bye," he quickly mumbles into his cell, sliding it closed. He stands there awkwardly, twirling the silver Nokia between his fingers.

"Edward...." he says my name again, but I raise my hand, stopping him.

"Me first?" I ask, and he nods. "Jasper," I breathe out his name on an exhale, "I'm so sorry for the way I acted before. I had no right to behave like that, and I just..."

"It's okay," he interrupts. "I'm sure walking in on Felix and I was... shocking." He chuckles humorlessly, and I force a smile.

"It was, um, unexpected, but still, Jasper, the way I acted..." I shake my head. "It was rude and disrespectful." Without another thought, I take a step closer, wrapping my arms around his neck and hugging him. "I'm really sorry," I whisper. His strong arms tighten around my waist, and he sighs, letting out a soft, sweet noise.

"I forgive you," he whispers back.

After about ten seconds I reluctantly let him go, and he steps back, watching my face. I know without a doubt that I held on to the hug for longer than socially acceptable, way past the time a friend would have let go, but it felt so nice. My heart beats a little faster at the thought. In the awkward moments after our embrace, I don't know what to say, so I just smile, hopefully hiding the fact that I'm freaking out on the inside. Jasper grins happily in return.

I walk over to my desk and rummage around the drawer, not really looking for anything. Finally, I just sit down in the chair. I can feel Jasper's eyes on me, so I glance up at him.

"Maybe we should arrange some sort of system, so that doesn't happen again," he says with a smirk. "Like a sock on the door?"

The idea of Jasper in here with Felix or with someone else causes another bout of anger to flare up inside me. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "Do you expect to have Felix in here a lot?" I force out the question, attempting to keep my voice light.

"Umm... no, not Felix," he mutters, running his fingers through his curls. God, I hate what that simple gesture does to me. "That's pretty much over, but like if you and Bella wanted..." he trails off, his eyes locking onto my bed.

"Bella and I broke up," I tell him, slipping on my glasses and taking out a textbook. I need to study for finals, but in all honesty, I'm not even sure which book I grabbed. I just need _something_ to occupy my brain right now.

"What?" He practically yells, his blue gray eyes widening from the new information. "I mean," he continues in a quieter voice, "when did that happen?"

I look up from what I'm pretending to be reading. "This morning. It just, um, wasn't right, you know?" I ask with a sigh, shaking my head. One side of me just wants to tell him the real reason, but the other side, the more vocal and agitated part, isn't ready.

"I'm sorry," he tells me sincerely, and I can't help but smile by the kindness in his tone. I pull my glasses off, looking up at him.

"Thanks, but I'm alright," I insist. "It's for the best."

He nods, watching me turn back to my textbook. I squint at the blurry page. "Well, get up then," he says suddenly, making me jump.

"Huh?" I question unintelligibly, looking back at him. He seems excited, and I'm glad that we got back to normal so quickly. I love when he grins like that at me.

"It's Saturday night, Edward," he smirks. "That means no studying. Let's go out for pizza. My treat."

"Pizza sounds great," I agree, smiling genuinely for the first time all day.

***~E~***

"Are you sure you don't wanna come?" He asks me for the third time.

I smile, shaking my head. "I'm sure, Jasper. I'm being lazy today. You work out extra hard for me, though." I laugh.

"Alright," he tells me with a grin, grabbing his iPod and earbuds. "I'll see ya later, man."

"Later," I call out as he shuts the door behind him.

The moment the door closes, my smile drops into a grimace. Fidgeting, I wait ten minutes, making sure he's not coming back. I would hate for him to catch me in the act of what I'm about to do. That would be beyond embarrassing. It would be traumatizing.

Letting out a deep breath to calm my nerves, I grab my laptop off the desk. Last night, after we got back from pizza, we played video games until about midnight. When Jasper crashed not long after that, I stayed up thinking about what I wanted to do today. The only thing I'm certain of is that I would rather be in my bed than at my desk. That way I can at least hide what I'm doing under the covers.

I sit on the edge of my bed with my laptop astride my thighs. Opening my computer, I log onto Firefox, checking my Gmail. After stalling for another five minutes or so, deleting all the chain emails Alice sent me, I type gay porn into Google.

Well, shit. There is A LOT of porn on the internet. I mean, I knew that, but I've never searched for it before. It's overwhelming. There are like 24 million results! How the hell do I decide which one to pick?

Choosing the easy route, I go with the first one in the list, clicking on the link. I hold my breath as I scroll down the screen, hoping to find a video that's not too intimidating. I'd really just like to find some guys kissing with their clothes on, but I don't think that would be enough to figure this out once and for all.

When I come to a title involving "love," I let the pointer linger over the thumbnail, and by doing so, it flashes a few different pictures across the screen. From what I can see, it doesn't appear too hardcore.

I hope I can handle it.

I close my eyes with apprehension, peeking through my right eye, and with one left click, the video opens. I take a deep breath and open my left eye as well, locking my stare on the screen.

It starts with two men, a taller dark haired man and a smaller guy with sandy hair, touching each other over their clothes. They begin to kiss, wet and noisily, and without another thought, I maximize the screen so I can see better. As their hands roam and the kiss gets more heated, I start to get hard.

Shit.

This obviously doesn't turn me off.

As they frantically take their shirts off, I unzip my jeans to relieve the pressure. I scoot back onto my bed, propping myself up more comfortably on my pillows. I tentatively start to stroke myself.

The sandy haired one kisses down the other guy's neck to his chest, sucking and licking the other guys nipples, and from the noises he makes, he really seems to enjoy that. Being curious, I let my own fingers flick across my chest, tweaking my nipples.

Well, fuck. I like that, too.

My attention is directed back to the screen as the two boys, clad only in their underwear, writhe against each other. Licking my lips, I watch as the taller one kneels on the floor, rubbing his face on the outside of the other guy's Calvin Klein's. When he moans, I get up to find some lotion.

Miraculously, I actually have some moisturizer in the room, so I slick my hand, hissing when my fingers wrap themselves back around my cock.

Tall guy takes out Sandy's dick, and I bite my lip, letting my mind wander to Jasper down on his knees doing the same thing to me.

Dammit. That single thought makes my balls tighten, almost causing me to blow it.

I slow down my hand as the guy on the computer licks all around the shaft and head of the other guy's dick before taking it deep into his mouth. I continue to watch them on the screen, my body reacting like never before.

When they move up the bed, changing positions so they can give simultaneous blow jobs, I stroke my dick faster, imagining myself and Jasper in the same position.

I can't hold back anymore.

I cum hard into my hand and on my stomach, shaking from the force of it. Never before have I felt anything as intense as that. My heart beats loudly in my chest as my breathing slowly regulates. I take a couple of deep breaths, gloriously relaxed in the afterglow of my orgasm.

When my mind clears, I start to panic. I quickly clean up the mess, tucking myself back into my jeans. Deleting the history and closing the browser, I shut my laptop, placing it back on my desk. I pace the room for a moment as my thoughts rush through my head.

Watching two guys was exciting. I enjoyed it - a lot. Thinking about Jasper, though? I fucking _loved_ that. It was the reason I came so hard; it was the reason I was so into jacking off.

Jasper.

It's him. He's it. The answer is Jasper. He's what I want.

Dammit!

How am I supposed to bring this new revelation up? What if he doesn't feel the same way?

I mean that Felix guy was big, all muscles and boyish good looks. I wonder again if that's Jasper's type. If so, why would he want me?

I'm good looking, but I have an average body. I'm lean, but I'm not built by any means. If he didn't know me, would I be someone he would even look twice at?

Then, if by some chance, he wanted me back, would I be able to be the guy he deserves? Would I be ready to show the world that I'm dating a dude? Would I feel secure enough to tell my dad and Alice? Would they accept me if I told them I was... gay?

I am gay, right? Although, as of yesterday, I was dating Bella.

Shit.

What about Bella? Is she going to hate me? If I was her, I would hate me. It's going to seem like I just used her. I didn't realize I was doing that, but in hindsight, I can't help but feel as though I was hiding behind her.

God, I have class with her tomorrow! How am I going to explain?

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. FUCK!

When pacing the small room starts to make me feel dizzy, I collapse onto my bed, groaning into my palms. I knew what was going to happen from my little experiment. If I'm being honest, I already knew it, but it all feels so official now, so permanent.

I'm gay.

Right?

I can't help but think that maybe, as a severely undersexed guy, I was turned on by the act of sex alone, not the sexes of the people involved? I can't deny, though, that I came from thinking about Jasper. That is pretty substantial evidence.

Right?

Closing my eyes, I imagine perfect, bouncy titties and pink full lips and long brown hair. I take it further, picturing my body moving together with this made up girl, fucking her. My dick twitches slightly but nothing else. I'm definitely not hard or excited.

I open my eyes in frustration. Is that the final proof? Maybe, though, my own thoughts alone aren't enough. I might need more... stimulation.

I shut my eyes, once more, but this time, my mind is filled with Jasper's naked torso, stretched lean across his bed. Imaginary Jasper licks his lips and rolls his hips, beckoning me over with his pointer and middle finger. Then, we are together, kissing, chest to chest.

And, my cock is hard once more.

Well, shit.

There are two things I know for sure now – I'm probably gay, and without a doubt, I definitely want Jasper.

I start to lightly stroke my cock through my jeans. Even the terrifying finality of the conclusion I just came to isn't enough to get rid of the boner I have from thinking about Jasper.

I obviously can't avoid it or deny it any longer, so I might as well enjoy it. I lie back on the bed, once again taking my cock out of my jeans.

Closing my eyes, Jasper stalks toward me in my mind, and I'm ready for him, ready to let him do whatever he wants to me.

"Damn," he curses, looking my naked body up and down. "You are so fucking sexy, Edward," he groans. "Do you want me?"

I moan in response, nodding my head wildly. He moves forward, climbing onto the bed and crawling up my body. He leans down, letting his weight rest atop me, our naked bodies flush together. He kisses me deeply, our tongues flicking in synch.

He pulls back. "I asked you a question, Edward," he reminds me with a smile, nibbling at my ear. He kisses down my neck, lingering at my nipples before licking his way down my stomach. He stops when he reaches my cock, letting his hot breath wash over the sensitive head. "Do you want me?" he asks again.

"Yes!" I yell out. "Please!"

He engulfs me in his mouth, causing my hips to involuntarily lift off the mattress. A small whimpering sound escapes my lips as I thrust into my hand, imagining Jasper's mouth on me. He's glorious.

"Fuck."

When the whispered curse reaches my ears, my eyes fly open to find Jasper standing in the open doorway, hand still on the knob, staring at me with wide eyes. "Shit!" I yell in shock and embarrassment, trying to put my penis away and hide what I'm doing at the same time. I end up catapulting myself over the side of the bed, landing with a loud thud, the air rushing out of me at impact.

It only takes a second for the pain from my groin to shoot through my body.

Jesus Christ... I think I broke my penis!

I landed right on top of it, and it is the worst fucking pain I've ever felt in my entire life. My breath picks up to a frantic rate. I can't even speak. A small blubbering noise is released involuntarily from my throat, rising and falling in pitch with each frenzied intake of air.

"Edward, are you okay," Jasper calls out, still on the other side of the room. Thank god I'm face down, and I can't see him right now.

"No," I cry. "I'm definitely not."

"What happened?" he asks tentatively. My face is squished against the floor, and I can feel the reverberations of his footsteps on my cheek as he walks closer.

"I fell off the bed, and I really hurt myself," I tell him without giving him the traumatizing details. This is so far worse than I ever could have imagined. I think I might lie here permanently. I'd rather not face the world again, thank you.

He sighs. "Uh, Edward, listen man, I don't want to make a big deal about this, but you're clutching your crotch. Um... did you hurt your... umm... dick?"

"Oh god," I groan into the floor.

"I mean, I saw," he gulps so loudly I can hear it from here, "what you were... umm... doing, and..."

"Please, don't say anymore," I beg. "Please."

"Yeah, okay," he agrees. "It's just that it might not be so bad once you calm down."

"I can't calm down, Jasper!" I yell. "It fucking hurts!"

"Yeah, I meant calm as in like, um, soft," he mumbles.

"So, you don't think I broke it?" I whisper reluctantly, staring at the space under my bed.

"I don't think so," he reassures me in a soft voice. "Picture your grandma naked," he adds almost as an afterthought.

I immediately do, without even thinking of the consequences. "Ugh, what the fuck?" I'm never going to be able to erase that image from my brain.

He chuckles quietly. "Did it work?" He's right. The pressure is not so intense now, and I sigh in relief. "Can you stand?" he asks.

"I think so," I tell him in a shaky voice. "Um, can you turn around, so I can..." I trail off.

"Yeah... yeah, sure." Jasper turns to face the door. I gingerly take my hands off of my dick, so I can support my body. I pull myself up onto my knees, gently place myself back in my jeans and stand up.

I clear my throat, and he peeks over his shoulder. "Everything," he nods toward my crotch, "okay?"

Shaking my head, I pinch the bridge of my nose in embarrassment, avoiding direct eye contact with Jasper. "Can we just please never talk about this EVER again?" I beg, rubbing the back of my neck with my hand.

"What are we not talking about?" he questions with a hint of amusement in his voice. "How I caught you masturbating, or how you thought you broke you cock?" With those words he starts laughing loudly, clutching his knees to support his shaking frame.

"It's not funny!" I yell petulantly, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I'm sorry," he wheezes out between laughs. "It's just... you were... and then you... oh god," he chuckles.

"Yeah, yeah. I get it," I tell him, whispering, "asshole," under my breath.

"I'm not an asshole, Edward. That shit was funny!"

"Fuck you, Jasper," I spit out, my embarrassment quickly becoming agitation at the whole situation. I can't believe what happened, and now he's laughing at me.

"Aw, shit, Edward, I'm sorry for laughing. Are you seriously okay?" He asks after getting his amusement under control.

I shrug. "I guess only time will tell."

He smiles at me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?"

My mouth falls open in shock at his question. "Uh... what?" I ask in disbelief.

He pulls away, running his fingers through his hair, laughing strangely. "That was a joke, Edward," he assures me.

"Yeah... a joke," I respond absentmindedly. "I knew that."

"Well," he states loudly, clapping his hands together. "I'm fucking starving. Do you want to go to the caf with me?" he asks, walking to the other side of the room to his desk. He grabs something and then puts it back down.

"No, I'm not hungry," I tell him, but he's already slipping on his coat and opening the door.

He doesn't look back. "Okay. I'll see ya in a bit."

When the door closes, I grab my stuff for the shower, somehow managing to keep the tears from falling until I'm safe behind the plastic curtain. After a minute the tears stop and the frustration kicks in.

How am I ever going to tell him how I truly feel?

***~E~***

I show up to class I share with Bella right before class starts on Monday. I don't have it in me to make small talk, and I don't want to say the wrong thing, making myself into a bigger asshole.

The moment I walk through the door, Bella's eyes lock on me, and I can feel them on me the entire time. I sit in the back of the class instead of in the seat I normally do, and she turns back to me with a frown on her face. She shakes her head and raises her eyebrows, giving me a reprimanding look. I drop my eyes to the desk, waiting for class to start.

I barely pay attention, but luckily this class is beyond easy anyway. The final is coming up, though, so I at least manage to take notes to study later. When the professor releases us, I make a beeline for the door, walking as quick as I can.

"Edward," Bella calls out after me, but I don't stop.

"EDWARD!" She yells loudly, causing the entire population of the hallway to drop into an eerie silence. Shit. I can't help but stop as well. Without turning around, I motion for her, waiting for her to catch up. When she does, I start walking again. "Oh my god," she moans in embarrassment. "I totally did not mean to scream like that. I just made a fool of myself." She sighs loudly, and I peek at her, smiling at her red cheeks.

She catches me. "You think that's funny, do you?" she barks out. "It's your fault." She jabs my arm with her finger. "You should have stopped the first time I said your name."

"I know," I reply. "I just didn't..." I let my voice trail off, shaking my head.

She places her hand on my arm, stopping me. I turn to her, and she gives me a small smile. "Edward, we need to talk."

"Don't you have class now?" I ask, hoping to suspend this conversation – indefinitely, if possible.

"Yeah," she responds with a sigh, looking at her watch. "Listen, um, meet me in the Student Center at two, okay?"

"I don't..."

"No excuses. Two o'clock, Edward. We really need to talk," she interrupts.

"Yeah, okay, two. I'll see you then," I tell her with a nod, turning to walk away.

At a quarter till two, I enter the Student Center, fighting the urge to run the other way. I find a secluded table and take a seat, fidgeting in my chair and staring at the table. After about ten minutes, the chair next to me is pulled out and someone collapses next to me with a huff.

"God, I hate that class," Bella tells me in greeting.

"What class did you have?" I ask, attempting to make small talk.

"Ugh, economics," she replies with a shudder. "Remind me to never let my dad have a say in my schedule ever again!"

"Okay," I tell her quietly. I wish we could just get to the point.

She sighs, placing her hand on top of mine that is resting on the table. "Relax, Edward. I'm not here to fight with you."

"I'm sorry," I apologize, turning to look at her.

She smiles wistfully. "You don't have to apologize, Edward." She shakes her head. "I should probably be apologizing to you."

"Why, Bella?" I question, searching her face for the answers. "I was the one who broke up with you like that... so suddenly..." I trail off when she squeezes my hand.

"I know, though," she responds quietly, staring at a red stain on the tabletop.

"You know what?" I question, completely confused.

She looks up at me. "I know how you feel about Jasper."

"What?" I practically yell, my heart racing. "Why would you say... I mean... Jasper?" I mumble out randomly, my brain and mouth not working together.

"It's okay," she replies soothingly. "You don't have to be scared."

I look at her in disbelief. "How can I not be scared, Bella?" I hiss. "I fucking like Jasper. It's not some inconsequential thing!"

Her eyebrows shoot into her hairline. "So, you admit that you like Jasper."

"Shit," I curse, dropping my head to the table.

"Oh, Edward," Bella sighs, rubbing her palm in a circle on my upper back.

I sit up suddenly, looking straight at her. "You knew?" I question. "For how long?"

She bites her lip, lowering her gaze. "I had my suspicions, but I convinced myself I was wrong." She laughs humorlessly. "The saying is true – ignorance really is bliss."

I don't know what to say. She looks up at me, giving me a small smile and a shrug. "So, I'm sorry," she tells me. "I just let what I wanted get in the way of what I knew was best for the both of us."

"I'm sorry I couldn't be who you wanted." I glance away, staring out the window. "I just couldn't..." I trail off.

"Edward, I'm not going to lie and say that I'm not sad about what happened. I took the weekend to cry and wallow. Now, though, we're both going to move on from this, okay? Besides," she continues with a small snort, "if I cry again over you, Jane has threatened to cut my hair off in my sleep."

"God, Bella, I'm so sor..."

She interrupts me mid apology, "If you say you're sorry one more time, I'm going to lose it."

"I'm..."

"Edward!" she yells, and I put my hands up in defeat. "You shouldn't have to apologize for who you are. We were friends first, and I hope you still want to be friends now."

"Always. You were my first real friend, Bella," I tell her with a shy smile. "I could never replace you."

"You're such a sentimental dork," she jokes, pushing me playfully with one hand as she wipes under her eyes with the other. "Quit trying to make me cry."

"I'm..."

"Don't you dare," she warns.

I sigh. "What do you want me to say, then? I still feel bad."

"Um," she murmurs before her eyes light up, and she turns to me with a smile. "Tell me about you and Jasper!"

"What? Why?"

She motions excitedly with her hands. "I wanna know what's happened between you!"

"There isn't anything to tell," I report sadly.

"I don't understand," she replies, narrowing her eyes at me. "Didn't Jasper make a move on you?"

"NO!" I exclaim, shaking my head, looking around to make sure no one heard her. "I'm the one who likes him, Bella, not the other way around."

"Excuse me," she laughs. "You must be joking."

"Huh?"

"Jasper totally wants you, Edward." I just shake my head, and she furrows her eyebrows. "You really need to talk to him."

"I can't," I sigh.

"Yes, you can, dude!"

"Dude?" I question with a chuckle.

She smiles. "Whatever. I can totally say dude."

"Thanks, Bella," I tell her suddenly, "for being so unbelievably cool about all of this."

She gives me a warm smile, but it quickly turns into a playful smirk. "How could I be anything but cool?" she jokes, winking at me.

"You can't. It's official. You're cool," I laugh.

She puts her coat back on, wrapping her scarf around her neck as she takes a small bow. "I know. Come on let's go. I have a ton of homework."

I nod, standing up and slipping on my coat. We walk across campus together, talking about nothing and everything at the same time. It's not exactly as easy as it used to be, but I know we'll be able to get back to where we were before Halloween.

"Ooh, Edward," Bella hisses, slapping me on the arm. "Look at him." She points discreetly at a guy with shoulder length dark hair. "Don't you think he's hot?" She looks up at me expectantly.

"Um... I'm not quite ready to talk about 'hot guys,'" I reply awkwardly, actually using finger quotes.

She bites her lip to hold in her laughter. "Okay," she says with a smile. "You can come talk to me when you are, though. Alright?"

I ruffle her hair in retribution for laughing at me. "Thanks, Bella."

***~E~***

Groaning, I shut the door to our room behind me. It's been a long fucking week. I just took my last final of my first semester of college, and I am beyond glad that it's officially Christmas break. Although, I'm not happy about the upcoming month I have to spend away from Jasper.

I have fucking cherished the two short weeks I've had with Jasper since "the incident," as I've taken to calling it... we haven't spoken about it again, thank god. We've grown so much closer in such a short time, though, and I'm beyond the point where I just crave his company. I'm fucking addicted to him.

Everyday, my attraction for Jasper grows. I keep trying to speak up, but I can't seem to find the right words to tell him how I feel. Also, there is always a really good reason why I should just wait a little bit longer to confess.

Bella keeps telling me I should just go for it, and she can be really pushy about it, as well. Since our talk after our breakup, Bella has been the number one supporter of me getting together with Jasper. Well, she's the only supporter. I still haven't told anyone else the truth.

It is getting easier to admit it to myself, though, and I think that's what really matters. When I'm completely comfortable with the true me, I know I'll be able to tell everyone. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.

If I whine one more time to Bella, though, about the heartbreaking way Jasper smiles or looks or laughs (the list goes on and on), she's threatened to just tell him for me. That's the last thing I want, so I've been trying to censor myself around her.

The stupid girl pretty much told him this past Wednesday, though, and I practically had to muzzle her with my hand to shut her up. It's just when Bella started coming back around, Jasper began acting differently - more stand offish. I've told him time and time again that Bella and I are just friends, but it's like he doesn't believe me.

Wednesday afternoon, for some reason unbeknownst to me, Bella was letting loose some not so subtle innuendos about Jasper and I.

I wanted to kill her.

My phone starts ringing, and I smile despite myself. Jasper changed my ring tone to the Julian Casablanca's remake of the SNL song, "I Wish It Was Christmas Today." I love it. Seeing my sister's name on the Caller ID, I quickly flip it open.

"You couldn't wait, Allie?" I ask with a laugh. "I'll be home tomorrow."

"_Edward_," she sniffs.

My heart immediately plummets into my gut. "What's wrong?"

"_I'm just sad today,_" she replies. "_I wanted to talk to you_."

"Why are you sad?"

"_M-m-mom_," she sobs. "_Today is the eighteenth, Edward_."

Fuck.

How could I forget? How could I do that? I'm a horrible son.

"Alice. I've gotta go, okay?" I tell her as the tears slip down my face "I love you, and I'll see you tomorrow." Apparently, I'm also a horrible brother because I can't be there for Alice either.

"_I love you, too_," she replies meekly. "_Stay safe_."

"Always," I say into the phone as I flip it closed, allowing my silent tears to turn into louder sobs.

How could I forget?

I hear the door open sometime later, but I don't look up. "Edward?" Jasper calls out my name, and I turn my head, trying to wipe away the tears that have spilled down my cheeks. "What's wrong?" he asks, coming to sit next to me on the bed.

"Today..." I can't say anymore.

"Are you worried you didn't do well on finals?" he questions, trying to get me to open up. I shake my head. He moves closer, putting his arm around my shoulders. He feels so right next to me. I can't help but rest my head against his body, sighing into his neck. "You're scaring me," he whispers. "Tell me what's wrong. Please, Edward."

"Today is the third anniversary of my mother's death," I confess to him, my voice barely audible. He wraps his other arm around me, holding onto me tighter.

"I'm so sorry, Edward."

"Thanks, Jasper," I say with a sniff, practically snuggling further into his embrace. "It's just I wish she could have gotten to know me."

"Of course she knew you," he assures me, not letting go of his hold on me.

I pull back slightly, looking up at him. "How could she?" I ask almost angrily. "Only recently did..." I trail off, turning my face away.

"What?" he asks, pulling my chin toward him gently. "What are you trying to say?"

"I just figured it out. How could she have known?"

"Known what, Edward?" he questions softly, his fingers still splayed across my skin. I lean in slowly, watching his face for any signs of hesitation. He licks his lips and moves his hand to my cheek.

"Jasper," I whisper his name right before I press my lips against his.

* * *

***Sigh* **

**Was it good for you? lol. SOOO, that was a huge chapter. I think so, at least. If you are one of the beyond awesome girls on the thread (the link is on my profile) or following me on Twitter (PPersuasion) you probably already know I'm trying to get the next chapter done this week. Trying is the key word, but y'all keep an eye out for it. LovelyPenguin keeps bribing me with hot YouTube videos she posts on the thread. You should come check it out. **

**Also, my one/shot for the Slash Backslash contest, My Beautiful Boy, is the first round of voting. If you feel so inclined, you can vote for it. You can do so until Sunday at midnight. Just copy and paste this: http : // www . fanfiction . net / u / 2110516 / Slash _ Backslash (Take out the spaces, of course) **

**I can't wait to hear what you have to say!!**


	14. Jasper & Apple Mint

**Well, *checks watch*, technically, it's still Thursday, so I'm golden, right? **

**HUGE thanks to Alisha and Sarah. They beta'ed this totally last minute for me because I was really lagging behind. Also, thanks to all of you on Twitter for telling me to get my ass in gear. ;)**

**If you haven't come by the thread, you don't know what you're missing. Those girls are fantastic. Link for that and my Twitter account on my profile if you like. **

**As always, I don't own Twilight. Boo.**

* * *

"Are you sure you don't wanna come?" I ask him once again. I inwardly cringe from my question. He already told me no; I should fucking quit begging him to come with me. I'm starting to sound like a desperate little girl.

He smiles and shakes his head. "I'm sure, Jasper. I'm being lazy today. You work out extra hard for me, though," he tells me with a laugh. Thank god, he apparently finds my neediness amusing. I hope that means he doesn't find me needy at all.

"Alright," I tell him with a smile, grabbing my iPod and earbuds out of my backpack. "I'll see ya later, man."

"Later," he calls out as I shut the door behind me.

Standing in the empty hall, I take a moment to decide what I want to do. Now that Edward is not coming to work out, I decide to forgo the gym. I'd much rather listen to my feet slapping against the pavement. The repetition of running paired with being outside helps calm my nerves, hopefully running some of the dangerous thoughts out of my head at the same time.

I exit the back door of the dorm, stretching my muscles before I go. I pop my earbuds in and press play, shaking out the muscles in my arms as the music starts. After a moment, I take off, each breath visible in the cold air. It doesn't take long for the exercise to heat my body and for the chilly wind to feel soothing.

I lose myself in the music blaring into my ears, mouthing the words and letting my feet pound to the rhythm. For about a mile, I'm successful in clearing my head of everything. That is, until the song changes, and the name of the band flashes through my mind – Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros.

Edward.

And, just like that, I'm back in the same predicament I'm always in, thinking about him. I'm verging on obsessed, and it's starting to freak me out. I don't want to end up on _20/20_ because I went insane with desire and murdered Edward in his sleep. Not that I would do that. Jogging around an old man walking his even older dog, I chuckle to myself, shaking my head at my utter ridiculousness. The only thing Edward has to fear from me is being dry humped if he hugs me again like he did yesterday.

God, when he ran off into the cold after he caught Felix and I together, I was miserable. I hated that we were arguing like that, and the thought that he wouldn't accept me was almost too much to bear. When he hadn't come back after an hour, I started to worry about his safety. I called his phone, but it went straight to voice mail.

Twenty minutes after that, I was desperate enough to call Bella. I just needed to know where he was and that he was okay. While I was on the phone with her, though, he came back, and I had never been so fucking relieved and terrified at the same time. The terrifying thoughts I was having of him moving out and never speaking to me would not come to fruition. Thank god.

He just came in, shuffling his feet sheepishly, staring at me. I hung up the phone, but before I had a chance to apologize once more for the awkward situation, he was practically begging for my forgiveness and throwing his arms around me.

God, to be in his arms...

It was fucking fantastic. Birds were singing, bells were chiming and all that shit, and it was only a damn hug.

In that moment, I was sure my body would fucking implode if we took it any further than hugging.

But, as our embrace continued, that worry flew right out of my mind.

I could hug that fucking boy forever.

Reluctantly, I released him when he pulled away. I felt dazed, drugged almost. I had no idea how long he was in my arms, but I knew it was longer than a normal guy pat. I also knew that I would be thinking about it again and again, especially in the shower.

I couldn't wipe the smile from my face, and when he told me he broke up with Bella, it was almost impossible for me to not giggle like a motherfucking school girl. That would have been more than a little inappropriate. He didn't seem upset, though, so I wasn't going to make it out to be some huge emotional moment. No use crying over spilled... uh... girl.

He sat down to study then, but I couldn't have that. It was Saturday night, and we were two single guys who needed to enjoy the evening.

Just two single guys... eating pizza and playing video games.

Sighing at the memory, I turn the corner, picking up my pace to increase my heart rate. Dammit, pizza and video games should be enough. I shouldn't expect more from him. I know the situation. I do, trust me. I fucking remind myself about thirteen times a day that Edward's not gay. He doesn't want me in that way.

Of course, I like to think that maybe he's confused, but it's probably past time to face the hard facts that I might be the confused one. I'm letting my crush on him overshadow everything else, and I can't keep doing that. Just because I want to snap my fingers and have a shirtless and very homosexual Edward at my fingertips doesn't mean shit. That's not going to happen.

As the song 40 Day Dream starts, I start running back toward campus, suddenly feeling exhausted and craving a nice long shower and jerk followed up by a nap.

I continue to run, relishing in the burn of my muscles. I don't stop until I hit the door, breathing heavy once I'm back in the warm building. Stopping at the water fountain, I push my sweaty hair out of my face and drink until I'm no longer thirsty. Walking slowly down the hallway, I relax my breathing and stretch my thighs and calves. Finally feeling loose, I open the dorm to the room, and...

Jesus. Fucking. Christ.

This must be a dream, a fucking dirty wet dream.

Cock.

Edward's cock.

Edward on the bed with his cock completely exposed.

It's all I can see, all I can think.

My mouth waters at the sight. His dick is hard and thick, and he looks fucking perfect.

I want to taste him.

He moans, thrusting into his hand as his other hand ghosts along his torso, pinching his nipples between his fingers. I hold onto the doorway, gripping it tightly, my fingers clawed into the metal of the frame. My own cock is immediately rock hard at the sight before me, and I feel as though I could cum in my pants without even touching myself.

Edward rotates his hips, fucking his own hand, and I gulp frantically, matching my breathing to his. I know I shouldn't be watching this. I should just back away slowly, close the door and give him time to finish up in privacy, but I can't fucking move.

Literally.

I keep telling myself to walk away, but my feet aren't cooperating with my brain. Neither are my eyes.

"Yes," Edward groans quietly before letting out a begging, "Please!"

That's all I can handle, and the, "fuck," slips out of my mouth without my own realization. In that moment, though, everything turns to shit as he opens his eyes and finds me standing there, mesmerized by his exposed body. God, he's going to think I'm the world's biggest skeeve.

"Shit!" He curses as he begins to frantically jerk his body around. He rolls off the bed with a loud thump. My jaw clenches, and I suck the air through my teeth, making a hissing sound. I stand on my toes, trying to see over the mattress, but his body is completely hidden from my sight.

He doesn't get up, either, but his breathing picks up, becoming labored. When he starts making these tiny whimpering noises, I start to really worry. He seemed so fucking embarrassed, though, when he opened his eyes, finding me watching him like some fucked up voyeur. I don't want to get closer if it's going to make him more uncomfortable.

"Edward, are you okay?" I call out across the room. I make a fist, digging my blunt fingernails into my palm, forcing myself to stay rooted in this spot.

"No," he answers. "I'm definitely not." God, it sounds like he's crying. Did he hurt himself that badly? Does he need to go to the hospital? He just fell off the bed, though. Who actually gets hurt from falling off the bed? I tentatively walk closer, finding him on the ground on his stomach, with his hand under his body protecting his groin.

"What happened?" I ask, and he reluctantly tells me. Our conversation grows even more awkward when I alert him to the fact that I knew what he was doing. If his dick is hurt, though, it's not going to feel better until he loses the hard on. At least, that's what I tell him.

"So, you don't think I broke it?" he asks me after a moment, whispering the question into the space under the bed. I bite my lip to stop the chuckle from escaping. He's so fucking cute when he's in pain, which is a weird thought to have. I just want to scoop him up, and kiss his cock until it feels better. I know that would make me feel better.

I tell him he's going to be okay, keeping the smile out of my voice. I don't want him to think I'm laughing at him. After he loses his erection, I turn around, allowing him to stand up and adjust himself in private. Staring at the door, I can't fight back the smile any longer. This is one of the most ridiculous situations I have ever been. Not to mention, the whole thing was hot, watching him stroke his dick. God, I'm stiffening from just the thought of it.

I hear Edward clear his throat, so I peek over my shoulder at him. "Everything," I start, nodding toward his _broken_ cock, "okay?"

He looks away, pinching the bridge of his nose between his fingers. His cheeks are tinged with a blush of embarrassment. "Can we just please never talk about this EVER again?" he pleads, moving his hand to rub the back of his neck. He shakes his head, staring at the floor.

He's pretty fucking cute when he's all sulky, too.

The whole thing is uncomfortable enough, so I try to alleviate some of the tension by making a joke. "What are we not talking about?" I ask with a smile. "How I caught you masturbating, or how you thought you broke you cock?"

I can't hold it back then, and I start laughing hysterically, the emotions and feelings of the incident manifesting themselves into uncontrollable amusement. If I wasn't laughing, I'd be taking my own cock out and jacking off to images of Edward jacking off.

I'm almost positive that would make everything worse.

"It's not funny!" he yells at me, defensively crossing his arms across his chest. He sticks out his bottom lip in a pout, and I have to stop myself from licking at it and sucking it into my mouth. That thought just adds to the irrational humor I'm already dealing with. I apologize to him, guffawing the entire time. I'm sure it doesn't sound very sincere.

He calls me an asshole, but when the, "fuck you, Jasper," is spat at me, I finally get my body and weird reactions under control, playing it cool about the entire situation. I don't want to hurt his feelings. I'm just freaking the fuck out.

I throw my arm over his shoulder, pretending this is a normal occurrence, like walking in on your crush/roommate jacking his dick hard and hurtling himself out of his bed directly onto aforementioned dick is just something that happens to everyone.

Yeah, right.

"I guess only time will tell," he informs me after I ask him if he's okay once more.

"Do you want me to kiss it and make it feel better?" I practically beg, fucking this situation up even more.

His mouth falls open in shock at my brazen words, and I feel cornered, trapped by my own desires. "Uh... what?" he mutters, his eyes wide.

I force a laugh, running my fingers through my hair and turning away to hide my discomfort. What the fuck was I thinking? I can't say shit like that. I'm a fucking idiot. "That was a joke, Edward," I tell him, hoping he believes me.

"Yeah... a joke," he agrees in a distant voice, never taking his eyes off me. "I knew that."

"Well," I yell out, clapping my hands together to create more noise, anything to distract him and change the subject. "I'm fucking starving. Do you want to go to the caf with me?" I ask, walking to my desk. I pick up a pen to have something to do, putting it down again the moment he answers me.

"No, I'm not hungry," he lets me know. I'm glad he doesn't want to come, and by the time he's through with his statement, I'm at the door.

"Okay. I'll see ya in a bit," I direct at him, my eyes locked on the now visible hallway.

I practically sprint down the hall, taking the four flights of stairs two at a time. I don't stop until I'm back outside, and I collapse against the brick, leaning into the building.

God, what the fuck was I thinking saying that to Edward?

***~J~***

"Seriously, I'll be home tomorrow, Rose," I tell her for the fifth time. Groaning into the phone in frustration, I walk back to the dorm to pack up my stuff for break. Rose called me to ask how finals went, and, of course, coerced me into talking about guys, namely Edward.

I also made the mistake of telling her how Bella has been hanging around again. Now, not only am I getting mixed signals from Edward, but she's also throwing some crazy unspoken things into the air. It's left me feeling more confused about everything. Since the jerk off accident of 2009, Edward and I have gotten closer than ever.

It's been absolutely amazing and fucking miserable all at the same time.

"_I know, but, JJ, this is important_!" she screeches, and I can't help but roll my eyes. "_What exactly did she say_?"

"I don't know," I sigh. "She was being very weird about everything. I mean, Edward tells me they broke up, but then she almost immediately starts hanging around again." I run my fingers through my hair, nodding my head in greeting at a guy in my history class. "I'm no relationship expert..."

"_I'd say_," Rose interrupts.

"Seriously, Rosalie?" I scoff.

"_Sorry. Continue, please_."

"Like I SAID," I start again, emphasizing loudly to make it annoying. "I'm no relationship expert, but it's not exactly normal for your ex to become your friend so quickly. They must be dating again."

"_What did Edward say_?" she questions curiously.

"Uh... that they're broken up," I mumble into my cell.

"_Would he lie to you_?"

"No."

"_Then, why, JJ, are you questioning him now_?"

"Hmm..." I state absentmindedly while I think about her words. Why can't I just trust Edward on this issue? After the Felix incident, he told me it was over between Bella and himself as well, and I was unbelievably excited. It didn't in anyway mean that Edward would somehow open his eyes and see the light and want to date me, but it meant I wouldn't have to watch Bella hang all over him anymore. There were only three Bella free days.

Fucking three.

I like Bella, I really do. I think she's fun and sweet, but she came back into the equation way too fucking quick. Edward and I barely had anytime to just be... together.

God, I sound so fucking lame, but there it is. I'll take him however I can get him. If that means he comes with a damn girl attached to his beautiful hip, then so be it. I won't like it, but I'll just have to learn to deal with it.

Even though Bella is hanging around again, it's obvious that their relationship has changed. I'm just having a hard time trusting that it's going to remain platonic. She hardly ever touches him, and he's completely comfortable around her again. When they were officially dating, anytime I was around the both of them, Edward always seemed to be a little off. He's back to his normal, jovial self, though. I mean, there are still those moments where he confuses the shit out of me, but he doesn't seem nearly as sad as he did before.

I keep catching him staring at me a lot. I want to think that it means something more, something special, but then Bella shows up, making me doubt myself and Edward once again.

Not only is she around, but she stares at me, as well. It's starting to freak me out. She and Edward have these rushed, whispered conversations, and then she gives me these little smiles like we're in on it together. I wish she'd just clue me in on what "it" is.

"_JJ_!" Rose screams obnoxiously, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What?" I snap back.

"_Excuse me_?" she scoffs. I don't say anything in return. I know she's not finished. "_How dare you talk __to me like that_," she continues. "_You were fucking silent on the phone for five minutes, JJ. FIVE_!"

"I'm sorry," I tell her, giving in to avoid an argument. "I was thinking."

"_You must have been thinking pretty hard. I said your name about four hundred and fifty-two times_."

"Did you keep a tally?"

"_Shut up_," she barks back. "_Tell me what you were thinking about_."

I huff in annoyance."Edward, okay! I was thinking about Edward."

"_Duh, but you also never told me what that girl, Bessie, said,_" she reminds me. God, I swear, Rosalie has to know every miniscule detail. I don't even know why I tell her my business in the first place.

"Her name is Bella," I correct her.

"_Whatever_," she states dismissively "_What did she say that had you so freaked out_?" I finally make it back to the dorm, and I crash on a couch in the lounge to finish the conversation with Rose. It's definitely not something I'd want to discuss in front of Edward.

"Wednesday, Edward and I were hanging out in..."

"_Why are you whispering_?" she implores, interrupting me once more.

"You are impossible," I growl through gritted teeth.

"_What_? _Why_?"

"I can never tell a single story without you interrupting. Does Emmett even have conversations with you anymore or simply nod his head while you talk at him?"

"_I just wanted to know why you were whispering. You don't have to be a little shit about it,_" she retorts snidely.

Rolling my eyes, I answer her original question. "I'm in the dorm now. I don't want anyone to overhear me."

"_God_," she sighs, "_was that really so hard_?"

"You know what? Why don't we just have this conversation later?" I suggest, rubbing my face with my free hand.

"_No_," she replies in a demanding voice. "_Tell me what that girl said_."

"Fine!"

"_Fine_," she repeats. "_Go on_."

"Edward and I were hanging out, and then Bella came over. We started talking about the Holidays and our plans. Edward and I were talking about our Christmas plans, but Bella kept bringing up New Year's Eve. She wouldn't stop talking about how _I _didn't have a New Year's kiss and _Edward_ didn't have a New Year's kiss. She just kept going on and on, giving me a weird look and then widening her eyes at Edward and nodding her head. She talked about it for like twenty minutes before Edward pulled her out into the hallway by her arm." I relay the story to my sister with no bells or whistles. I'm fucking ready to get off the phone.

"_Then_?"

"She didn't come back in, and Edward and I watched a movie," I tell her nonchalantly.

"_Snuggled up on the bed together_?"

"I wish," I scoff.

"_I know you do,_" she laughs.

"Shut up," I reply playfully. "It just sounded like she wanted Edward to be my New Year's kiss, but I could be just wanting to hear that."

"Y_eah, but from what you told me, it does sound like that. Why would his ex-girlfriend be the one saying anything like that, though_..." She pauses, gasping loudly into the phone. "_Unless_..."

I wait a second. "Unless?" I repeat, encouraging her to continue. I sit up straight on the couch, preparing myself for her revelation.

"_Unless, Edward broke up with her for a specific reason, and he felt comfortable enough and is a big enough man to tell her the truth_."

"Okaaaay?" I respond, pulling the word out.

"_How fucking slow are you, Jasper_?" She asks, and I can just picture her shaking her head and rolling her eyes at me. "_You're the damn reason_," she states slowly as though she's talking to someone who no habla ingles.

"Huh?"

"_My word, JJ, get with the picture_!"

"Rose, did you just say, 'my word?'" I ask, laughing. "When did you become Grandma Evenson?"

"_God, it's not like I said 'my stars' or 'bless his heart_,'" she retorts, making her accent more prevalent.

"You think that could be it, though?" I ask, going back to our previous topic. I'm desperate for an opinion on the whole situation. Rose's will have to do.

"_Well, I'm not there, JJ, but it sounds like it_," she tells me, and I can hear the smile in her voice. "_You should go talk to him right now. If it turns out I'm wrong, then you have all of break to get over your __humiliation_."

"Fuck, how encouraging," I mumble into the phone.

She laughs. "_Jasper, you don't like pussy, so you need to stop acting like one_."

I'm silent for a moment, letting her words sink in. "I can't believe you just went there," I laugh. "Seriously, you always have to cross that line don't you and take it just a little too far."

She snickers. "_You love me_."

"I do, but when you start talking pussies, I'm out."

"_We wouldn't have to talk about pussies if you didn't act like a vagina all the time_," she insists. I don't even know what to say to that one. My mouth literally falls open. "_So, go tell him. Right. Now! 'Kay? Love you. Bye_!"

She hangs up, and I slide my phone shut, snapping my jaw shut at the same time. I love my sister, but she has no tact. She thinks I should just put myself out there like that, expose myself to possible pain and heartache.

Shit.

I don't know if I can do that. I know it's not healthy to have this strong of unspoken attraction for Edward. I should just tell him today, though. She's right. I'll have Christmas break to get over my hurt pride and the crush I have on him, and then we can go back to normal. If I know there's no chance, no chance at all, it will make it easier to only want friendship from him. At least, that's what I'm hoping for.

With a deep breath through my mouth, I stand up from the couch, walking down the hall and taking the elevator to my floor. I pause outside the door, working up the courage to have this dreaded conversation.

No more waiting. It's time to speak up. It's important.

***~J~***

When I finally push the door open twenty minutes later, my eyes are immediately drawn to Edward. He's sitting on his bed, eyes closed and puffy, his cheeks blotchy.

"Edward?" I call out his name, my throat constricting at the sight of the tears running down his face. He turns away, swiping at the wetness with the back of his hands. "What's wrong?" I ask after he doesn't look up when I say his name. Of their own volition, my legs move my body quickly across the room, so I can next to him. The need to comfort him is strong.

"Today..." he starts, his voice wavering. He blinks rapidly, opening his mouth to continue but closes it after a moment, shaking his head.

"Are you worried you didn't do well on finals?" I question, needing to know what's causing him to be so upset. I can't just sit here and watch him cry.

He shakes his head again in answer, his face reflecting his pain. I move closer, tentatively placing my arm over his shoulders, embracing him. I want to wrap my arms completely around him, hold him until he feels better, but I don't dare. He leans forward into me, and my breath catches in my throat. He rests his head below my shoulder, his face turned into my neck. I can feel every breath whisper across my skin, and I close my eyes at the sensation.

He doesn't move or speak, and I'm beyond the point of merely worrying about him. "You're scaring me," I tell him quietly, opening my eyes to watch his face, not wanting to further upset him. "Tell me what's wrong. Please, Edward."

"Today is the third anniversary of my mother's death," he whispers so quietly I can barely hear him, and I have to hold back my own emotions that are threatening to bubble over. I've never felt this much for another person before. It's like I'm taking all of his emotions on, sharing his sadness with him. It's overwhelming.

My throat burns from the tears I'm holding back. I hate that he lost his mother; that he's in pain now. All I want is to make him feel better, but I'm not sure how to go about that. I take a deep breath, reassuring myself, before wrapping my other arm around his body, holding him as tight as I dare.

"I'm so sorry, Edward," I murmur into his hair, closing my eyes once more. This moment is the fucking definition of bittersweet. He feels so completely right in my arms, but it's wrong for me to be enjoying it as much as I am, considering the reason he's letting me hold him in the first place.

"Thanks, Jasper," he replies softly, sniffling. He worms his body closer to mine, his nose brushing against my neck. My eyes fly open in shock. "It's just I wish she could have gotten to know me," he tells me softly.

"Of course she knew you," I insist, hopefully reassuring him. He's wonderful, of course she knew that.

He pulls back, but I don't loosen my hold, making it hard for him to turn his face up to mine. "How could she?" he asks, his voice rising from the previous whispers we were using. "Only recently did..." he stops talking, releasing a small sad noise. He turns away, lowering his gaze to the floor.

"What?" I question, needing to know everything about the boy in my arms. I watch in disbelief as my own hand moves to his chin, touching his face and pulling his eyes back to mine. "What are you trying to say?"

"I just figured it out," he insists. "How could she have known?" His eyes widen, locked with mine, begging me to understand. His breathing picks up and mine follows suit.

"Known what, Edward?" I ask, never removing my hand from his chin. His eyes flicker to my lips, and I have to hold my breath to stop myself from gasping. He leans in, gazing into my eyes, and I'm unable to move or look away. Licking my lips, I move my fingers across his skin, cupping his cheek in my palm.

He closes his eyes, whispering my name, and presses his lips against mine.

The shock is overwhelming at first, and I remain motionless, not responding at all. He pulls away, and I stare at his face, watching as his eyes open and then widen as they jump back and forth between my lips and eyes before settling on his lap.

"Edward..." I start calmly, needing to get control over myself before I dance around the room like a fucking lunatic.

"Don't!" He interrupts, shaking his head back and forth. "Just don't." He tries to pull away, but I only grip him tighter, pulling him closer to me. "Please," he whispers, pushing against my chest to break my hold.

"You kissed me," I state the obvious, still amazed at what just occurred. I rest my chin on the top of his head, smiling goofily.

He sighs, dropping his hands. "You're not mad, are you?" he whispers into my shirt, and I release him with that question. He scoots away, making sure no part of us are still touching.

That just won't do.

"Mad?" I ask, lifting his face to mine. His eyes are closed. "Edward." I get no response. "Please, look at me," I plead. He takes a deep breath, opening his eyes. His brilliant green orbs lock with mine, and I can see the emotions and turmoil inside of him. "I'm not mad," I assure him.

"You're not?" he asks again, letting out a shaky voice.

"You kissed me," I repeat.

"Yeah, I think that's been established," he retorts sharply, turning away from me.

"What's wrong?"

He scoffs, pushing away from me and standing up. "What's _wrong_?" he throws back at me, his brows furrowing together. "Are you fucking serious, Jasper?"

"Yeah, Edward, I'm pretty fucking serious at the moment considering what just happened." I stand up, gripping my hair with both my hands before throwing them up in frustration. "Why are you making this great moment so fucking crappy?"

"You didn't kiss me back, asshole!" he yells at me. "How else am I supposed to take it?"

"You kissed me..."

"Don't fucking say that again, Jasper. I already know," he interrupts.

"No, I mean, I was in shock," I inform him, shaking my head. "I never... I didn't... God, Edward, I thought you were straight!"

"Me too!" he screams in frustration. "Turns out, not so much," he huffs sarcastically. Groaning, he balls his hands into fists as he starts to pace the room. I just watch him walk back and forth, obviously struggling through some internal dilemma. After about a minute of this, he turns to me, his face resigned. "We can just forget about it, Jasper..." he trails off. "I didn't..."

"No," I tell him, shaking my head. "NO!" I repeat.

"You can't just let it go?" he asks in disbelief. "We can go back to how it was before..."

"No, Edward! You fucking **KISSED** me. Why are you making this so hard?"

"Jasper, I already made a big enough fool of myself tonight, okay. Can we just drop this?" he urges, burying his face in his hands. Words of anger and hurt are bubbling up inside me, but all that comes out is a maniacal laugh. Edward looks up at me in concern, most likely for my mental health. "Jasper..."

"We can't get anything right," I finally choke out between fits of laughter.

"I don't understand," he tells me, watching me wearily as he sits on the edge of his bed.

"I know," I tell him, the laughter finally leaving me. "That's our problem."

"Yeah, you lost me."

"Edward," I begin, taking a deep breath. "I like you."

"I don't need to hear anymore," he says softly, turning away. "I get it."

"Oh, yeah?" I ask. "What do you get?"

"Edward, I like you. It's not you. It's me," he mimics in a nasally tone. "I get where you're going with it. I don't need you to give me the whole schpeel, alright?"

"Fuck," I curse in aggravation, and he clenches his jaw. "We have totally ruined what should have been a fucking fantastic moment," I tell him with another laugh. "Totally fucked it up."

"I didn't mean..." he starts.

"First, like a fucking retard, I don't kiss you back," I continue, interrupting him, "and then, of course, you think that you've made a mistake. Also, I can't even make you believe me when I tell you I like you." At this point, I'm talking to myself, rambling crazily about the whole situation.

"Jasper."

"God, like I'd ever give _YOU_ the 'it's not you, it's me' speech," I laugh. "And, then you're acting like you've heard that shit before. Which I'm sure you have – on the fucking television."

"Jasper," he tries again.

"What do I have to do to convince you how I feel, huh? Fuckin' jump you? Seriously, it's not like I'm against that, I just didn't want to freak you out..."

"Jasper!" he yells, suddenly standing right in front of me. He grips onto my biceps, shaking me hard.

"Why... the fuck... are you... shaking me?" I question, my sentence choppy as he continues to jerk me around.

He stops, but doesn't release his hold on my arms. "Because you wouldn't stop talking," he explains, like jostling someone like that is the most normal thing in the world. He drops his face, raising his eyes to mine. "Did you mean all that?" he questions sheepishly.

"Yes!" I exclaim. "I like you Edward. I wanna kiss you and take you out. I wanna be the only one who gets to fuckin' hold you! God, I want you so fuckin' bad, I can't stand it. You drive me crazy!"

He licks his lips, smiling at me. "You're accent really stands out when you're all worked up," he remarks with a laugh.

"That's all you got to say?" I ask, my brow arched in question.

He keeps his eyes locked on mine and takes a deep breath before smiling and telling me, "I like you too, Jasper. I want all that and more."

I don't need to hear another word. I bring my hands to his face and pull him to me, crashing our lips together. This time there is no shock, and I do more than respond. I fucking melt into it.

He returns my enthusiasm in full, moving his lips against mine. I pull back, smiling at him, and he gives me a jaw-dropping crooked grin in return. "Edward," I say his name with a happy laugh, bringing our mouths back together.

Sucking his full bottom lip between mine, I kiss him with everything I have, pushing out all my emotions through my actions, needing him to feel me, for me to feel him. He moans, and I'm bursting with joy, my body tingling with fucking exhilaration.

He sloppily kisses me back, but I don't care. I didn't expect him to be the best. He's never kissed a guy before. I imagine he's barely ever kissed Bella, but none of that matters. It's fucking amazing because it's him.

He licks my bottom lip tentatively, silently asking for permission. I grin, letting him in immediately, but his tongue barely leaves his mouth. Taking control again, I thrust my tongue forward, exploring and learning him.

He tastes so fucking good, like apples and mint.

Edward is making everything pretty sloppy and wet as he wags his tongue at me, so I suck the extra saliva down my throat, swallowing it down before it takes away from his experience. We have all the time in the world for him to improve his kissing prowess.

With that thought I pull away with a smile, pecking him on the lips a few more times for good measure.

"God, Jasper that was..." he starts with heavy breath.

"Perfect," I finish, meaning it completely. He grins toothily, laughing happily, and I can't help but do the same, pulling him to me, and hugging him tight.

"You feel so good," he mumbles into my neck. "This feels so right. I don't want to leave."

"Hey, why are you talking about leavin'?" I question, finally running my fingers through his disheveled sex hair. It's softer than I imagined.

"Christmas," he sighs into my neck, squeezing me tight.

I laugh. "Fuck, Christmas. Santa Claus ain't got nothing on you."

He groans, shaking his head. "You're such a dork, Jasper."

"Whatever, I'm awesome," I joke, moving one hand to his back, my fingers trailing across the expanse of his shoulders.

He kisses my neck. "You really are."

* * *

**SOOO, what do you think? It's like we're right where we ended last chapter, but not... lol.**

**I was treading the line of repetitive, but I hope you enjoyed seeing this through Jasper's eyes. I don't think it was redundant. At least, I hope not. **

**Next week's chapter will be coming out on Wednesday because of Christmas. Woo-hoo early gift? Maybe? No? Ok, I'm going to stop talking.**

**Review. It makes me happy and it encourages me to get more of these two out to you. Just saying.**


	15. Edward & the Murse

**Soo... here it is... a little later than promised. I'm sure y'all will forgive me, though, considering it was Christmas, after all. I hope so, at least. Big thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing. It means the world to me. Also, thanks to PhoenixRising25 for beta'ing this today. She's awesome. **

**Twilight? Not mine... maybe in 2010, right? I'll be sure to eat lots of black eyed peas and cabbage in hope of that!**

* * *

"Sherishy... why whodunt bemeive... khiss me..."

Resting my chin on my elbow, I watch the blond middle-aged woman next to me as she continues to mumble in her "sleep." Albeit, her sleep is more like a medicated coma since the fucking moment she plopped her ass down in her seat, she took like four Dramamine. Luckily for me, I get to listen to her snores and random mumblings for the entire flight home... such is my life. I seriously hope someone is responsible for her when we land. I don't see how she will be anywhere near coherent.

"Excuse me, sir."

I lift my head to find warm brown eyes gazing at me from the narrow aisle. I take in the rest of his face, amused to find the same flight attendant dude from my last trip home.

"Hi," I greet him with a close lipped smile. "Do you remember me?" He nods, shuffling closer, grinning at me over my unconscious aisle mate.

"I never forget a pretty face," he says with a wink. I laugh nervously, and he licks his top lip once suggestively. "You know, I have a pretty long layover in Chicago, if you wanted to..." he trails off, raising his brows in question.

"Excuse me?" I squeak out, gulping loudly.

He gives me a strange look and then a devilish smirk. "Layover. Chicago. You and me." He points between us with a smile on his face.

"Um... I'm sorry, but no," I tell him, shaking my head. "I have... a... boyfriend," I whisper.

"Shame," he comments, letting his eyes trail slowly over my entire body before turning and continuing his path down the aisle.

Chuckling from embarrassment, I glance around, happy to find no one giving me any funny looks.

"The eggs are in the fridge!" The woman's strange declaration startles me, causing me to jump in my seat. Shaking my head and rolling my eyes, I slip in my ear buds, letting Blitzen Trapper soothe my nerves and calm my racing heart. I was never a fan of flying, anyway.

I close my eyes, concentrating on the music, but my mind is immediately bombarded with images of Jasper. Smiling, I absentmindedly rub my fingers over my lips, loving that they're still a bit chapped from our kiss yesterday.

Well, _kisses_ is really more accurate.

After our miscommunication, I learned what it really feels like to be kissed. I mean, by the end of our short relationship, kissing Bella had been enjoyable but it wasn't exciting or... god... anything like kissing Jasper.

It was perfect. He was perfect.

He is fucking perfect.

Just thinking of him makes me feel all tingly and shit. I mean, tingly is a pretty dumb way to verbalize what Jasper does to me, but I don't know if I have a better word for it – tingly and special and fucking amazing.

When he told me that he just wanted me, I was ecstatic. I honestly can't remember ever feeling like that, feeling like this. To think, I was this close to turning tail and running away during my brief moment of idiocy when I thought he didn't want me back. I kissed him and felt foolish and hurt beyond words when he didn't kiss me back. How was I supposed to feel? He reassured me, though, and his words are still ringing in my head.

"_Yes! I like you Edward. I wanna kiss you and take you out. I wanna be the only one who gets to fuckin' hold you! God, I want you so fuckin' bad, I can't stand it. You drive me crazy!"_

Good lord, just the memory of his rich voice saying those things causes goosebumps to break out all over my body. Then, he kissed me... really kissed me.

It wasn't just once, though. We kissed all fucking night – standing, sitting on the floor, on his bed, on my bed, at the sink, against the wall.... then there was my favorite – the desk chair, sitting in his lap. I'm sure that if there were other surfaces we would have kissed on them as well, but we live in a 20x20 dorm.

Between rounds of kissing, Jasper held me as I opened up about my mother, telling him things I've never told anyone, not even Alice. He whispered reassuring and comforting words, hugging me tight against his body. I didn't cry anymore that night, thank god, but it was like a weight had been lifted off my chest by just being able to talk about her.

We hardly ever talk about her. I'm starting to forget.

I bury my face in my hands from the thoughts of my mother, sighing deeply. I wish Jasper was here. I'm so glad he's my... boyfriend, I guess. I mean, that's what I told that flirty flight attendant dude. Though, now that I think about it, that exact word was never mentioned.

Does Jasper not want to be my boyfriend? Fuck, am I ready to have a "boyfriend?" That's a pretty big step in the gay direction.

Lost in my thoughts, I don't even notice Dramamine lady moving until it's too late and her hand is on my crotch. I press pause on my iPod, my body freezing in shock.

"Such a pretty kitty," she purrs, her head falling onto my shoulder as she starts to pet my dick through my jeans.

Cringing, I jerk my eyes to my lap before whipping my head to the left to find her still very unconscious. "Oh, black and white furrrrr... loveeshly..." she mumbles under her breath. I have the worst fucking luck on airplanes! "What a big boy," she sighs, snoring once more.

I rip my earbuds from my ears. "Miss," I speak softly, tapping her on the shoulder. "Um... miss..." I try again, only getting a light snore in response. Fidgeting in my seat, I try to get out of her grasp, but doing so only causes her to hold on tighter. My hands hover above hers, trying to figure out the easiest way to get her off me. I lift her pointer finger, causing the rest of her claw hand to follow, and I place it in her own lap. She can pet her own fucking kitty all she wants to.

She giggles, her head lolling back against the back of my seat, her hot breath now hitting my neck. "You wanna play witsh tha yarn?" she mutters before letting out a loud snore. Seriously, who the fuck dreams about cats this much?

With no more patience or kindness, I jerk my shoulder up, throwing her back into her own seat. Grimacing and shaking my head, I pop my earbuds back in, hoping that the next few hours will pass quickly.

***~E~***

"BUB!" I hear Alice scream from the other side of the gate. Smiling, I pick up my speed just a bit, and not a second later, she jumps on me, hugging me tight.

"Hey, Allie!" I greet her, wrapping my arms around her, so she doesn't fall to the ground. I swear that girl just leaps and hopes the other person catches her. The funny thing is I have never once seen Alice get dropped.

"Alice, let go of your brother, so I can say hello," my father chides her playfully. I look up, finding him standing in front of me, smiling warmly. His frame-less glasses don't hide his loving green eyes crinkling in smile. Alice lets her legs and arm go lax like a rag doll, and I take that as my cue to place her back on the ground.

"Hey, Dad," I say with a smile, leaning into his open arms for a short hug. When I stand back up, he clasps his hands on my shoulders, nodding approvingly.

"You look good, son," he tells me with a smile.

I shrug in response. "You just saw me a few weeks ago. I doubt I look any different."

"No," he says in thought, narrowing his eyes in suspicion. "Something's different..." he trails off.

My heart picks up slightly with his words. Can he already tell what I just figured out? Am I on his gaydar now? Does he have gaydar? Speaking of which, do I even have gaydar? "Something's different with you too," I joke, changing the subject. I mess up his well groomed blond hair. "I think you've got a few more gray hairs than when I saw you at Thanksgiving."

"That's not possible," Alice replies, smiling. "He's been using _Just for Men_!" She starts giggling, hiding her mouth behind her hand.

"No, I haven't," he insists defensively, smoothing out his part.

"I saw it in his bathroom," Alice mock whispers to me, and I can't hold back my laughter any longer.

"What were you doing in my bathroom, young lady?" he asks, crossing his arms.

She rolls her eyes, shaking her head. "You have a jacuzzi tub, Dad. What do you think I was doing?"

"Well, um... you should ask," he directs her, stumbling through his words, his reprimand quickly losing heat.

"Dad, you were at work. Also, I'm seventeen; I think I'm responsible enough to take a bath by myself."

"You damn well better be only taking baths by yourself," he remarks sternly, giving her "the look."

"Alright, people are starting to stare," I interject, looking around the crowded airport. "As much fun as this conversation is, I'd really like to go home."

"Of course," my father replies, giving Alice one more overprotective glare. "Let's go get your bag." He turns and walks toward baggage claim, leaving Alice and I to follow behind him.

The moment I take a step forward, my sister puts her hand on my arm, stopping me. I look down at her, and she smiles up at me with wide eyes. "When are you going to tell me?" she whispers.

I scratch my head, going for nonchalance. "Tell you what?"

"Hmm..." She purses her lips, swishing them back and forth as she watches my face. She narrows her eyes, one slightly twitching. I move back subconsciously, causing her grip to tighten. More than likely, I'm going to have five tiny Alice finger sized bruises decorating my arm tomorrow. After a moment, she relaxes her stare and hand. "That's fine, Bub," she states firmly, pointing her finger at my face. "You'll tell me soon enough!" she continues in her normal sing-song voice.

With a toothy smile, she turns and speed walks after our father. Shaking my head and rubbing my arm, I follow behind her. Some days, I honestly believe that Alice is bipolar...

After we get my bags and circle the parking lot for twenty minutes before we find the car, we hit the road for the fifty-two miles back to Wilmington. Unfortunately, we have to spend that entire time listening to my father lecture us on the importance of privacy. Every time I try to surreptitiously turn the radio on, he smacks my hand away, pointing his finger at me in warning. We couldn't have gotten off the interstate soon enough.

The moment we pull into the driveway, Alice is out of the car and inside the house. I'm pretty sure she jumped out before we stopped moving completely. Huffing at his only daughter, my dad helps me bring my bags to my room, dropping them by the door.

I take a deep breath, smiling at my comfortable Queen-sized bed. I hate being stuck in that stupid twin bed in the dorm. Collapsing onto my squishy mattress, I close my eyes, more than ready for a nap. Kissing Jasper really cut into my sleep time last night. I wouldn't change it for anything, though.

"Well, a whole month," he remarks, looking around my bedroom. "What are you going do will all that time?" I crack open one eye, peeking at him perusing the books on my bookshelf. From the way he's talking, it's more than obvious he already has some ideas how I should spend my break. With a silent sigh, I sit up slightly, supporting my body on my forearms.

"Uh, don't know," I tell him, shrugging my shoulders. "Knowing me, I'll probably play a lot of video games." I give him a wide smile, and he nods in thought.

"You could do that," he acknowledges my "plans" before launching into his own. "OR you could volunteer at the hospital," he remarks. "It would look great on your Med School applications."

"Would it?" I ask suspiciously, dropping my head back, letting it graze the comforter.

"Of course," he states matter-of-factually.

I lift my head, watching him with raised brows. He stares back at me, his smile never faltering. I sit up, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. "Right," I reply after a moment, laughing lightly and shaking my head. It seems I'll have no other choice. "When do I start?"

"You report for duty Monday morning at nine."

"Aye, Aye, sir," I joke, standing up and saluting him before I roll my eyes exaggeratedly.

He chuckles, saluting me back. "At ease, Soldier." He walks over to me and claps me on the back with a warm smile. "I'm glad you're home."

"Me too," I tell him, being partially honest. I mean, I am happy, but at the same time, I'm not. I'm really going to miss Jasper. It fucking sucks that we have to spend a whole month apart. I want more kissing.

He turns to leave, and I fall back on to my bed. "Dinner will be ready at 0700 hours," he says to me over his shoulder, continuing the joke.

"I'm pretty sure that's not the right time," I point out, rubbing my tired eyes.

"What time did you think I meant?"

I look up at him. "Um, seven."

"Then, it's the right time," he tells me with a concise nod. "Don't question me, Son. I'm your elder."

***~E~***

Monday, after a long fucking day of grunt work, I finally make it home. Cursing my father for signing me up for this shit, I strip off my scrubs, intending to wash away the grime of the day. Before I have a chance to even take off my boxers, let alone make it to the bathroom, my cell rings.

Groaning in frustration, I fish it out of my bag I brought to the hospital. Glancing at the Caller ID, my mood is immediately lightened, and I flip open the phone with a smile.

"Hello?"

"_Edward_!" Jasper greets me happily.

"Hey." I'm quiet with my response, almost shy in a way. Honestly, I don't know how I'm supposed to act now. Now that we've kissed, does he expect me to whisper sweet nothings into his ear? What would I say? In all seriousness, what even qualifies as a "sweet nothing?"

Would Jasper say shit like that to me? I mean, I've never seen him with a boy besides that damn meathead, Felix - who seemed like a fucking Andre the Giant-sized douchebag. In my opinion, he wasn't worthy of sweet nothings from Jasper. Who did he think he was with his twelve pack stomach – what was he trying to prove?

"_How has the start of your break gone_?" he asks in his normal voice, and I let out a breath of relief.

"Fuck, Jasper, today was the worst," I whine into the phone. "My dad is making me work in the hospital, and I'm just a glorified candy striper. Except, I have to do heavy lifting since I'm a guy."

"_Well, I mean, you do want to be a doctor. It will probably look good on your resume, right_?" he tells me with a laugh.

I let out a snort of air. "That's the same shit my dad was spewing."

"_Right, well, then I guess your father is as brilliant as I am_," he teases, and I can't help the grin plastered across my face.

"Whatever," I retort lamely. "What have you been up to?"

"_Sleeping, eating, video games, hiding from Rose... you know – the same ole', same ole'_." He chuckles, and I close my eyes, listening to the deep rumble and light drawl of his voice. Dammit, I wish he was here. Well, no not here exactly, like with my family, but I wish we were somewhere else – together.

"Yeah, I've been trying to avoid Alice, as well. She's been acting weird since I got home."

"_Weird_?" he questions in a strange voice. "_How so_?"

"Like she wants me to confess something, but the only thing she doesn't know about is..." I trail off as the metaphorical light bulb clicks on above my head. "No," I mutter to myself.

"_What is it_?" I barely hear Jasper ask as my mind continues to whirl. Is it possible? Does Alice know about Jasper and I? How could she, though? Then again, she is Alice... fucking bipolar psychic sister...

"Jasper," I state his name calmly after a moment of silent reflection.

"_Edward_?" he asks almost frantically. "_What the fuck is happening_?"

Ignoring his question, I ask one of my own. "When Alice was in Seattle, did you two ever talk about us?"

"_Us_?"

"Yeah, like you and me – together?"

"_What_?" he questions, his voice rising ridiculously high at the end.

"You did, didn't you?" I gasp, but it quickly turns into a frustrated sigh.

"_N... no_," he stutters out.

"That doesn't sound too convincing," I remark evenly, crossing my arms for effect. I quickly drop them to my side, remembering that he can't see me through the phone.

"_I miss you_," he tells me suddenly, changing the subject completely.

"I miss you, too, but don't try to distract me!" I practically yell into the phone, startling myself. I glance around, straining my ears for signs of life in the house. Luckily, my dad is still at the hospital and Alice is staying the night with a friend. "Does Alice know..." I trail off. "Uh, about me?" I continue in a whisper.

"_She knows about me,_" he confesses. He takes a deep breath before continuing. "_Edward_?"

"Yeah?" I ask quietly.

"_Are you planning on telling your family_?"

"Eventually," I tell him honestly. "It's just... I don't know... sudden?" My statement could easily be mistaken for a question with the amount of doubt in my voice.

"_Sudden_?" Jasper muses. "_Right, well, you don't have to rush, Edward, and I'll be here for you when you're ready._"

"Thanks."

"_You know what's weird_?" Jasper asks me, his voice suddenly light once more.

"What?" I ask, forcing myself to smile. My mother always told me you can hear someone's smile over the phone. I hope if Jasper hears me smile then he won't worry about me worrying about coming out of the closet. Then, I won't worry about him worrying about me... even though, I am worrying... and I'm starting to fucking confuse myself.

"_Well_," he starts, oblivious of the back and forth I'm having in my own mind, "_I normally can't wait for break, ya' know? This time, though, I wish we were still at school_." He chuckles.

"Why?" I question, and the sound of his laughter causes me to smile, genuinely this time.

"_If we were at schooool_," he starts, exaggerating the word, "_we'd be together, I imagine_."

"We do live in the same dorm room," I interject sarcastically.

"_I wasn't done, smart ass._"

"Sorry," I tell him with a laugh. "Please, go on."

"_Right, well if we were together, then, I could kiss you anytime I wanted._"

Smiling stupidly, I respond, trying to flirt, "I think I might be okay with that."

"_Just okay_?" he laughs. "_That's all I get? You better well be damn more than okay with me kissing you, Edward_!"

Downstairs, the front door creaks open, and I run to the window, looking down to find my dad's car in the driveway. "Listen, I gotta go," I tell him in a rush, mashing my words together. "I'll talk to you later."

"_Bye_," I hear as I flip my phone closed.

A second later, my heart is still beating fast when my dad opens my door. "Hey! How was your first day?"

"Just great," I tell him with a grimace.

***~E~***

"Oh, Bub, that's from me!" Alice squeals in delight, clapping her hands together. I lift the present to my ear, shaking it and then making a face for dramatic effect. She elbows me in response, and I try my best not to visibly cringe. Alice is fucking stronger than she realizes.

I start slowly, carefully unwrapping one corner before grinning over at her and tearing into the package, ripping the paper into shreds. I open the box to find a large stack of blank CD's and a iTunes gift card. "I know it's not much," she starts, but I cut her off with a hug.

"Thanks, Allie. I love it."

She leans into my embrace for a moment before she runs back over to the tree, finding her next gift. As Alice goes Tasmanian devil on the rest of her gifts and I watch her in disbelief, a box is placed gently in my lap. I glance down at the present, wrapped in gold unlike the silver ones under the tree. My father sits down beside me on the couch, leaning in to speak quietly to me. "I have something for you," he tells me. "Your..." he pauses, taking a deep breath before he continues, "mother got this for you before..." he trails off, looking up at the ceiling and blinking repeatedly.

"What?" I ask in shock. Alice gasps, dropping the blue cashmere sweater in her hand and moving to the couch on the other side of me. "But, it's been three years."

"She wanted to wait to give it to you when you started college," he tells me with a sad smile. He closes his eyes, furrowing his brow, moving his head minutely as though he's giving himself a silent pep talk. He nods one last time, opening his eyes once more and turning toward me. "Do you remember that day when you were fifteen," he starts again, placing his arm over my shoulder, "and came home, announcing you were going to study medicine and cure cancer?" I nod in response, and he squeezes me once before continuing. "Well, your mother went out and bought this for you that very day. She was so proud of you."

He gives me a strong one armed hug, reaching over me with his other hand to grab Alice's hand. "You too, baby," he tells my sister over my shoulder, and she jumps on my back, wrapping her arms around the both of us. "She loved you both so much."

"I miss her," Alice whispers, and I nod against my father's shoulder in agreement.

"Me too, but she'll always be with us," he replies in a strong voice. "She would be nothing but ecstatic by the fantastic people you two have become." He's silent for a moment, and I close my eyes, picturing my mother's face. "I love you guys more than anything else," he speaks fervently.

"I love you, too," I murmur into his shirt, and Alice echoes my sentiment.

She takes a deep breath and sniffs loudly, dropping back into her seat. "Well, let's see what it is," she urges. "Open it." I nod, sitting back. I dip my finger under the paper, trying best not to tear the gold paper. Once the paper and ribbon are placed on the floor, I'm left with a black hinge box. I take a deep breath and flip it open.

"Wow," I gasp in appreciation at the silver stethoscope in my lap. I pull it out reverently, feeling the weight of it in my hands.

"She engraved your initials on it," my father alerts me, and I run my finger over the etched letters. "She wanted nothing more than for you to follow your dreams." He smiles at me, clapping a hand on my shoulder before he continues. "When she got it, we both already knew..." he trails off, shaking his head. "I didn't want her to go out of the house at all, but she was determined. That's where Alice gets her stubborness from," he tells us, winking over at Alice. He chuckles to himself when she rolls her eyes.

"I'll never forget what she told me," he continues. "She said, 'Anthony is going to be a brilliant doctor. After I'm gone, don't let him lose sight of his goals.' She wanted me to keep you on track for her." He smiles at me. "You never got off track, though, did you?" he questions, his smile fading into a small frown. "I'm afraid that might be my fault, as well." He shakes his head, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "I didn't remind you that it was okay to have fun too. You have the tendency to take things too seriously, Anthony."

"Please," I beg, shaking my head. "You know I don't want to be called Anthony," I remind him quietly. That was what my mother wanted to name me. That's my middle name, but the one she used. It stuck, though, but after she died I didn't want to go by Anthony anymore. I started going by my first name.

"Edward is having lots of fun now, dad," Alice interjects from my side, changing the subject. Peeking over my body at my father, she winks deliberately at him. "He had a girlfriend."

"Really?" He asks, his eyes widening and his face breaking out into a smile. "Wait – had?"

"Uh, yeah, we broke up," I mumble, turning to my sister. "How did you know that?"

"I have my ways," she replies mysteriously, nodding slowly at me.

"What ways?" I demand, glaring at her. She stares back unfazed. "Tell me, Alice!"

"Facebook!" she finally relents with a huff. "Duh!"

"Oh," I reply lamely.

She rolls her eyes at me before turning them toward our father. "Did mom... did she get anything for me?" she asks in a small voice.

He smiles, opening his arms to her and she jumps into his embrace. He catches her with loud exhale of air as she knocks the breath out of him. "She did..." he assures her, "a few things, but I'm not supposed to give you the first one until your eighteenth birthday," he murmurs into her hair.

My phone buzzes, so I turn away to flip it open, letting them have their moment.

**Merry Christmas! I hope Santa brought u everything you desired. - J**

I immediately type back a message.

**It's been great so far. I bet u got a big lump of coal. - E**

Not even ten seconds later, it buzzes again.

**My, my, my... are you saying I've been... naughty. ;) - J**

Smiling, I leave the room to have a quick texting conversation alone.

**I think ur always a little naughty, J! ;) - E**

Waiting, I get nothing back. After a minute, I text him again

**Hello? Where did u go? - E**

Still nothing...

**Jasper? - E**

**Sorry, I had to pick my jaw up off the floor. - J**

**What? Why? - E**

**I'm just fuckin shocked that you'd be thinking like that... - J**

**Why? - E**

**It just doesn't seem like... YOU... – J**

Frowning, I call him. "Why is that?" I ask after he answers.

He laughs. "_Merry Christmas to you, too, Edward._"

"Well, tell me what you meant!" I demand, and he laughs harder.

"_I was just surprised you want to talk about being... naughty_," he whispers the last word seductively, and I immediately blush, without a doubt proving his point. "_Is your face all red_?"

"Shut up."

He chuckles. "_It's okay, Edward. I love that you were flirting with me and that you're thinking about me being... naughty_," he tells me, saying it the exact same way as before. "_It's probably the best Christmas gift I got this year_..." he trails off. "_It'll be the gift that keeps on giving_." His voice is deep and suggestive, and it is suddenly a lot hotter in here than before.

"Erm... I'm glad you liked it?"

"_I loved it_," he assures me with a small chuckle. "_I'll be right there_!" I hear Jasper yell, his voice muffled, obviously talking to someone who is there with him. "_Hey, I gotta go. My brother-in-law is going to freak out if he doesn't eat like right this fuckin' second. I'll call you later_."

"Merry Christmas, Jasper."

"_Merry Christmas, Edward_."

I flip my phone closed and turn to head back into the living room. When I do, Alice is standing in the doorway of the dining room, giving me a knowing smirk. "What?" I ask.

"Are you ready to tell me?"

"There's nothing to tell," I insist.

"Riiiiight..." she trails off, rolling her eyes.

"There you two are," my father says happily as he enters the room, and we both look up at him. He holds a video tape up in his hand, smiling at us. "I thought we could watch some old home movies... of your mom. I know we don't talk about her, and I'm sure it's my fault... I just..." he trails off as Alice wraps her arms around his torso.

"I'd really like that," she whispers with tears running down her face.

He smiles at her, wiping away the salty trails on her cheek. He turns to me, holding out his arm. "Edward?"

"Can we watch the one where Alice got her foot stuck in the toilet?" I ask with a small smile, and he laughs loudly, throwing his arm over my shoulder. Alice makes a noise of protest, but I can hear the giggle she's trying to hide.

"Sure, that's a good one," my dad says as we walk back into the living room.

***~E~***

"Did someone page me?" I ask as I walk up to the nurse's station.

"I did," a deep voice calls out behind me. I turn around, finding a tall handsome guy smiling at me. He has dark hair and eyes with warm honey brown skin. He smiles at me, sticking his hand out, and I shake it. "You're Carlisle's kid, right?"

"Yeah, I'm Edward."

"I thought your name was Anthony?" he asks, confusion clear in his voice.

"No, I go by Edward... Anthony is my middle name."

"Well, Edward, I'm Benjamin, but you can call me Benji. It's nice to meet you," he tells me with a wide smile, granting me the perfect view of his straight, white teeth. He looks more closely at my face. "How old are you?"

"Eighteen."

"That's a good age." He winks, and I fidget under his gaze. He places his hand on my shoulder. "I needed your help moving a patient. He's quite... big."

"Right," I say, stepping out of his grasp. "Well, lead the way." I move my hands in front of my body, directing him to go first.

"With pleasure," he remarks with a smirk, stepping in front of me. With wide eyes, I watch him walk down the hall, swinging his hips with each step. He stops in front of a door, knocking gently. After a second he opens it, and I follow him inside the hospital room. I'm immediately hit with a pungent stench, and I stop breathing through my nose to help mask it. Benji gives me a knowing look and an empathetic smile before greeting the patient. "Hi, Mr. Stanley, how are you feeling today?"

"Fuckin' miserable... I feel that way all the fuckin' time. I don't know why the fuck you keep asking me the same damn question?" he mutters gruffly. He sneers at us, his mustache twitching back and forth on his red face. "Who the hell are you?" he directs at me.

"Uh..." I mumble in surprise.

"What? You don't who the fuck you are, kid? Seriously? Are you a goddamn idiot?" he yells at me, and I immediately take a step back from him.

"Now, now, Mr. Stanley," Benji scolds him in a kind voice. "This is Edward, one of our volunteers. Luckily he's here today to help me move you to the bathroom because I can't help you by myself." Though his voice is sickly sweet, the contempt and sarcasm are obvious.

"I don't need your help!" he yells out insistently.

"I'm afraid you do," he says with a smile.

Twenty minutes later, I'm physically shaking in the hallway outside of Mr. Stanley's room. "That was..." I trail off, shuddering.

"I know," he retorts with a small laugh. "You're never going to be the same again."

"God, it was just so..."

"I know."

"And, he had to know for a long time before he was admitted! I mean that doesn't just... it doesn't just get like that... so big and red and pulsing!" I shake my head, trying to clear the image of Mr. Stanley's legs out of my mind's eye.

"I know."

"Then, the smell..." I gag just thinking about it.

"I know."

"What's wrong with him?"

"They're just really gnarly cysts," he tells me nonchalantly, shrugging his shoulders. "You want to grab some dinner? My shift is about to end, and I'm starving."

"How can you think about food after... that," I nod back to Mr. Stanley's room.

"Well, Edward," he tells me, throwing his arm over my shoulder. "There are somethings you just get used to." He shakes his head. "Unfortunately." I laugh, and he smiles at me, squeezing my shoulder with his hand once before dropping his arm. "So, dinner?" He asks again.

"Sure, sounds fun," I agree.

***~E~***

Pacing my room later that evening, I pick up my cell phone once more, letting my finger linger over the call button. With a deep breath, I press the button. It rings three times... hopefully the voice mail will pick up.

"_Edward_!" Jasper's voice rings out happily into my ear, and I smile despite my anxiety.

"Hey," I reply in a monotone voice.

"_What's wrong_?" He questions, his tone suddenly turning serious. I'm silent for a moment, trying to figure out how to tell him what just happened. "_Edward_?"

"There's this nurse at the hospital," I start, closing my eyes. "He..."

"_He_?" Jasper interjects sharply.

"Jasper," I whisper his name. "I didn't... he just..." I trail off.

"_Edward_." He spits my name out in a clipped tone. "_Tell me what the fuck happened._"

"He kissed me," I answer softly.

"_Explain_."

"He asked me to have dinner with him, so I went because it felt like we were becoming friends after I helped him give this nasty dude take a sponge bath."

"_What_?"

"God, Jasper, this guy had all these foul cysts covering his legs, like he could barely walk because of it. He was also really fat, so I had to help Benji get him into the bathroom..."

"_Benji_?" Jasper cuts me off. "_Is that that fucking asshole's name_?"

"Yeah."

"_I can't believe that fucking guy_," he growls angrily into the phone. He lets out a loud frustrated grunt before taking a deep breath. "_Edward_," he says my name in a voice filled with forced calm, "_Please tell me what happened_."

"We went to dinner, and it was a lot of fun. I thought we could be friends. When he dropped me off at home, he kissed me." I tell him the abbreviated story in a rushed voice. He doesn't need to know that he practically pinned me against his car and attacked me with his mouth.

"_Where did he kiss you_?"

"I told you – outside of my house!"

"_No, Edward_," he sighs loudly. "_Where on your body did he kiss you_?" he asks slowly.

"My mouth," I whisper.

"_Did he..._" he pauses,"_use his tongue_?"

"No!"

"_You didn't tell him about me at dinner_?" he asks in a hurt voice.

"I did!" I insist. "I told him about you, Jasper. I told him I had a boy..." I trail off when I realize what just slipped out of my mouth.

"_A boy – what_?" Jasper implores almost shyly.

"I know we didn't talk about that. I guess I shouldn't have presumed. I'm sor..."

"_Edward, will you be my boyfriend_?" Jasper asks, cutting me off mid apology.

"What?" I question in a shaky voice.

"_Will you be my boyfriend_?" he repeats, his voice deliberate.

"For real?"

"_God, I didn't want to do this over the phone_," he sighs quietly. "_Yes, for real. I want you to be my boyfriend, Edward. Please, don't make me beg_."

"That sounds nice," I mumble, my voice fluctuating and nervous. "Boyfriend," I whisper to myself.

"_Yeah, it does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it_?" Jasper chuckles happily. "_Now,_" he states sternly. "_If that fucking murse lays so much as another finger on you, you tell him your __**BOYFRIEND**__ will not hesitate to throw down_."

"Throw down?" I ask with a scoff. "All the way from Portland?"

"_Nobody but me kisses my boy, Edward. That's straight up fact._"

"Word."

* * *

**Word. lol. Well, what do you think? Next chapter we'll get New Year's in JPOV. **

**If you haven't come by the forum, do so. The link is on my profile. Also, you can follow me on Twitter, if you inclined to do so. ;) **

**I'm thinking this chapter is going to take ATD over 1k in reviews which is absolutely amazing and shocking and fantastic! (Thanks to all you - btw!) If it happens, I'm going to write a special outtake for ATD. I'm thinking maybe an AU outtake on "the incident." Doesn't that sound fun? :)**

**Happy New Year!**


	16. Jasper & the Motherfuckin' Chainsaw

**I did it! lol. I'm always amazed sometimes that I actually get this out on Thursday. Okay, first of all, GIANT HUGS AND KISSES to Alisha, aka Mombailey, for beta'ing this on her birthday. That's right. She's awesome. You should be readin her stuff, too. She's in my faves list. Then, I have to thank Naelaney for rec'ing ATD on the TwiSlash blog this past Tuesday. I was very happy and surprised about that. Also, if you're reading this and you don't know who Naelaney is... well, I don't see how that's even possible. Find her. She's also on my faves list. **

**Alright, what else? Oh yeah, I don't own Twilight. Not one bit. I also don't own Jasper's ringtone which is the fabulous song "Keep the Car Running" by the Arcade Fire. I chose that song because I LOVE them. Also, they are rumored to have a new album next year which means touring which means I will have to find my way to one of their shows or I'll die. js.**

* * *

**I think ur always a little naughty, J! ;) - E**

God, it's the day after Christmas, and I'm still looking at this text from Edward. I keep sliding my phone open, pretending I have a new message just to read this old one. Glancing back down at the small screen, I smile stupidly and fall back onto my bed. Who knew Edward had it in him to be so flirtatiously playful? Fuck, that was a good surprise, and it made my Christmas like twelve times better, no joke.

Christmas was pretty nice anyway, though. Everyone was in good spirits, and I got some kick ass gifts, my favorite being an acoustic guitar. I've always wanted to learn, and now is as good of time as any. I bet Edward would like getting serenaded.

With that thought, I laugh out loud. Where the fuck did that come from? I've never been Mr. Romance, but shit, if I'm being honest, I want to woo the fuck out of Edward. I don't want him to have a single doubt that he's the one I want.

I wonder if he'd appreciate that Tenacious D song? I could tweak it a little... change "she" to "he." I know I would like it. Just thinking about fucking Edward is enough to almost make me jizz in my pants.

Baby Jesus in a manger, I wanna fuck him. Hard.

That's not going to be for a while, though. Which fucking sucks, but what can I do? I don't want to push him into sex if he's not ready for it. I mean, I'm ready all the damn time, every second of the day, but Edward is still so innocent. It's almost feels wrong to carnally crave him the way I do, like I'm doing something forbidden. Then, because I'm thinking that way, it makes me want him even more.

What we have here is a conundrum, a giant clusterfuck of a conundrum if you ask me.

My dirty thoughts are tinged with guilt. Then, I get something like that text, though, and it makes me immediately forget about guilt and concentrate solely on the lust. Not that all I want is his body. For once, I want everything. I want Edward completely, all the little pieces of him. I hope he realizes that because this is serious for me. I hope he wants me as much as I want him. If he wants to give me his virginity, I am more than willing to accept, but at the same time, terrified to take.

I can't help but worry. There is a part of me that just knows I'm going to fuck all of this up. I'm so fucking scared of losing my temper. What if it's there, that ugly part of me, just waiting for the moment to rear it's damn head and fuck up my life. I can't imagine doing anything to abuse Edward, but what if that shit is hereditary?

God... if I hurt him like my dad hurt.... Shit, I can't even think that without getting angry. I could never. I won't. I just can't. If I inflict an ounce of hurt onto my boy, I would fucking die.

I refuse to be my father. Fuck him.

Gritting my teeth, I pick up my new guitar to distract myself, mindlessly strumming the strings. I concentrate on calmly moving my fingers over them, trying to relax. Ten minutes later, I unclench my jaw and drop my shoulders, taking a deep breath. Edward's face runs through my mind, and I smile. My untrained fingers find some semblance of a melody, and I work on perfecting it. After a moment, I decide to add some lyrics to my new song.

"Oh, you are mine! You're one fine guy! I think about you all the tiiiime!" I belt out. God, I've never been very good at making up something on the spot, but that was horrible.

Someone clears their throat from my doorway, and I stop singing immediately, leaving my mouth agape. I turn toward them, snapping my jaw shut. My mother leans against the frame of the door with her arms crossed, smirking at me. "No offense, JJ, but you really need some practice. That was.... um... not the best."

I roll my eyes and let out a loud scoff. "Buy me some lessons, then," I joke, frantically plucking the strings just to be annoying. "Until that time, this is what you get!" I stand up, torturing my new guitar as I dance around the room.

She covers her ears and shakes her head. "Stop! Please!" she begs playfully, smiling at me. "I'll give you anything you want."

"Well, alright then," I say with a smirk, gently leaning my guitar against my bed before I sit back down.

"Thank you," she replies with a laugh. "Hmm..." She narrows her eyes in thought. "JJ?" she asks.

"Yeah, mom?" I ask, looking up at her.

"Who were you singing about?" she questions in an innocent voice.

"What?" I gulp nervously. "No one. That was I song I heard on the radio," I lie.

"Radio shamadio," she retorts with a snort. "You were obviously making that up, JJ." She gives me a toothy grin. "Who is he? Who's this fine guy"

"He's..." I trail off.

"Is he your boyfriend?" she squeals happily, bouncing slightly in place.

"Uh..."

"Because that would be great news to share at my next PFLAG meeting!"

What the fuck?

"Seriously, Mom?" I question, raising my brows. "Bragging at your next PFLAG meeting is the reason you'd be excited if I had a boyfriend?"

"Well, that's not the _only_ reason." She gives me a warm smile. "Of course, I'd be excited for you, JJ. All I want is for you to be happy." She walks quickly across my room, sitting next to me on my bed. "Tell me all about him," she begs, grabbing my hands in her.

Laughing, I shake my head. "I'm happy," I admit with a giant smile. "Let's leave it there for right now."

"You can tell me!" She squeezes my hands hard.

"I know, I know," I tell her, breaking her hold to raise my hands in defeat. "Nothing's official, though. I promise to tell you more later."

"Fine," she huffs, crossing her arms, and I stare at her in disbelief. All the woman in my life are fucking crazy. "You know," she says after a moment, winking at me,"Now that I think about it, you might have a hit on your hands."

"What?" I ask in confusion.

She stands, raising her closed fist in front of her face. "Oh," she starts singing loudly, "you are mine! You're one fine guy..."

I cut her off by tossing my pillow at her. She catches it when it hits her in the stomach, throwing it back at me. "You better watch yourself, Mister!" she chides playfully. "I don't care if you are an award winning recording artist!"

I can't help but laugh. "Yeah, yeah.... good one. Who knows, though? I might be a natural." I pick up the guitar, hopelessly trying to play it again. I look up at her, winking. "Or, I might need lots and lots of practice."

"Practice does make perfect," she agrees, laughing, walking back toward the doorway. "If you're going to keep playing, though, I'm just gonna..." she motions to the door, scrunching her nose in a smile as she closes it behind her.

"Thanks a lot for the encouragement, Mom!" I yell at my shut door.

"You're welcome, Sweetie!" is her muffled reply.

***~J~***

"You have no idea what you're talking about, do you?" I question him with a sneer. "Shit, Pete, get it through your fucking skull – I am a one man kind of dude!"

"Fuck, JJ, I get it, I get it," he huffs, rolling his eyes. "That does not mean you can't come out with me! I'm just asking for ONE NIGHT, JJ! One little night out with our own kind!"

"Our own kind?" I laugh. "What are we – Wookiees?"

"Hey," he says brightly, snapping his fingers at me, "now that you mention it, you do kind of resemble Chewbacca." He smirks.

"Oh, yeah, ha ha," I deadpan. "Real fucking funny."

"I know," he says, chuckling. He lets out a deep exaggerated sigh, wiping fake tears of laughter out from under his eyes. "I should be a comedian."

"You should," I agree, nodding my head. "It'd be fun to watch you fail."

"You're just jealous of the sheer amazingness that is me," he replies with a smile, running his hands in front of him. I roll my eyes, smacking him across the back of the head with one of the many small pillows that my mother sticks on the couch. He protects the back of his head with one of his arms, flipping me off with the other hand.

"Jealous," he repeats, smoothing out his hair. "Seriously, though, JJ, you have to go out with me."

"I don't want any random ass, so why should I go?" I ask again. "Also, I'm with Edward. I already told you this!"

"Is he your boyfriend, though?" He implores with wide eyes, directing his body toward mine to stare at me. Jackass already knows the damn answer to his question.

"Not_ yet_," I admit, stressing the last word.

He grins at me, winking so slowly it's obnoxious. "Then, it's not a problem. Besides, JJ, it's just dancing."

"You and I both know that it's never 'just dancing,'" I respond, shaking my head.

"JJ!" he whines. "My parents are driving me insane! Pleeeaaassse!!!"

_...They know my name cause I told it to them, but they don't where and they don't know when it's coming. Oh! When it's coming. Keep the car running..._

I pull my phone out of my pocket, smiling when I see Edward's name on my Caller ID. "Beggin', my friend," I direct at Peter as I slide my phone open, "is pathetic."

"Hello?"

"_Jasper_?" Edward's voice practically warms my ear.

Smiling broadly, I greet him. "Edward!" Peter makes kissy faces from the other side of the couch, so I flip him off and leave the room to talk to Edward in private.

"_Hey_," he responds forlornly, and I start to panic.

"What's wrong?" I ask, and try as I might, I can't keep the worry out of my voice. He doesn't say anything in response, causing my fears to escalate. What if... what if he changed his mind? God, I wouldn't be able to handle that. "Edward?" I call out his name in a shaky voice.

"_There's this nurse at the hospital_," he says so quietly, I almost can't hear him. "_He_..."

"HE?" I interrupt, clenching my hand into a fist. I swear to god...

"_Jasper_," he whispers my name. "_I didn't_... _he just_..." he trails off.

"Edward." I grunt out through clenched teeth "Tell me what the fuck happened." Fuck me seven ways to motherfuckin' Sunday, if Edward did something with another guy... if someone else... Shit! I can't even think it without wanting to tear something to fuckin' shreds!

"_He kissed me_," he admits, and I open my mouth, screaming silently in anger. I give myself a moment of extreme freaking the fuck out before I demand more.

"Explain."

"_He asked me to have dinner with him_," he starts, and I pull the phone away from my ear, covering the mouth piece.

"Goddammit! Motherfuckin' piece of shit man nurse! Fuuuuuuuuuck!!!!" I hiss through gritted teeth. I stomp my feet like a child, hard against the wood floor to stop myself from punching a hole right through the fuckin' wall. Peter runs in, looking around to figure out what's causing my current state. He raises his arms, questioning my actions.

"JJ?" He asks with raised brows, but I shake my head, holding my hand up to him.

I take a deep breath, placing the phone back to my ear. "_take a sponge bath_," Edward finishes.

"What?" I ask in disbelief. First, he's talking about dinner and now it's a fuckin' sponge bath?!?

"_God, Jasper, this guy had all these foul cysts covering his legs, like he could barely walk because of it. He was also really fat, so I had to help Benji_..."

**BENJI!!**

The name of the man I'm gonna have to straight up murder.

"Benji?" I interject, not even sure if he was still talking. I didn't hear anything after... Benji... "Is that that fucking asshole's name?"

"_Yeah_," he says quietly.

"I can't believe that fucking guy," I growl out, more to myself than anyone else. Jesus, Mary and fucking Joseph, let's throw those Wise men in there too... I'm about to lose my shit. I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. It's not working. "Edward," I say his name on an exhale, breathing deeply through my nose, "Please tell me what happened."

He talks rapidly, not pausing between sentences for me to interrupt. "_We went to dinner, and it was a lot of fun. I thought we could be friends_..." I grip my hair, tugging as tight as I can to keep myself from screaming. Edward is so fucking naïve. "_When he dropped me off at home_," he continues, dropping his voice to a whisper, "_he kissed me_."

Oh good god. Shit. Fuck. Motherfucker. Damn. That asshole kissed my boyfriend! I can't fucking stand it, but as bad as it is, I have to know more. If Edward kissed him back... if he... I can't even think about that.

Grinding my teeth together, I grit out, "Where did he kiss you?"

"_I told you – outside of my house_!"

"No, Edward," I sigh, rolling my eyes. "Where... on your body... did he... kiss you?"

"_My mouth_," he whispers sadly.

Fuck.

Shutting my eyes tight, fearing my next question, I ask,"Did he..." I pause, biting my bottom lip hard, "use his tongue?"

"_No_!" he practically yells, sounding repulsed, and I unclench my fist of murder. Then, the other thoughts start beating at my brain – did Edward not tell him about me? I mean, it must have been obvious that... _BENJI _that stupid motherfuckin' asshole was gay. Was Edward flirting with him... playing the single guy? Maybe, he thinks one night of kissing me doesn't mean anything official. Shit. I don't know how I could live with him in that tiny fucking dorm without being with him. It would fucking break me completely.

"You didn't tell him about me at dinner?" I finally ask, trying to disguise the hurt in my voice..

"_I did_!" he tells me almost frantically. "_I told him about you, Jasper. I told him I had a boy_..." he audibly snaps his mouth shut, and my heart starts beating faster with the words that he just stopped from slipping out of his mouth. He wants to be my boyfriend.

Hot Damn.

"A boy – what?" I question, wanting him to say more but knowing he probably won't.

"_I know we didn't talk about that. I guess I shouldn't have presumed. I'm sor_..." he rambles, but I cut him off before he can apologize. I won't let him be sorry about wanting to be with me. That is a fantastic fucking thing.

"Edward, will you be my boyfriend?" I blurt out.

"_What_?" he asks, his voice shaking.

"Will you be my boyfriend?" I repeat my question in a strong voice. Fuck all this fucking confusion. I refuse to go back to the clusterfuck that we were before the kiss. I motherfucking REFUSE...

I don't want him to have any more doubts about my feelings for him. I will go hardcore girl on him if he needs it, and we will sit down and talk about our feelings. I won't like it, but I'll fucking do it...

For Edward.

"_For real_?" he asks quietly, and I want to laugh and cry simultaneously. He sounds so hopeful and happy yet unsure at the same time, and more than anything, I wish he was here with me now.

"God, I didn't want to do this over the phone," I sigh to myself before answering him. "Yes, for real. I want you to be my boyfriend, Edward. Please, don't make me beg."

"_That sounds nice_," he mumbles, and I swear, his voice cracked, making me grin. "_Boyfriend,_" he whispers reverently, and despite my anger over Handsy McNurse, I can't help but laugh. My boyfriend is so fucking adorable.

"Yeah, it does have a nice ring to it, doesn't it?" I chuckle happily. "Now," I continue, getting back to the pressing matter at hand. "If that fucking murse lays so much as another finger on you, you tell him your **BOYFRIEND** will not hesitate to throw down." Luckily, Edward doesn't know how close to actually losing it I was a moment ago. He totally fucking centered me by being his sweet self. Shit, I still want to hop into Rusty and drive halfway across the country to kick some ass, but I can now see past the red anger to know that's not too reasonable.

If he does it again, though, I make no promises.

"_Throw down_?" he scoffs. "_All the way from Portland_?"

"Nobody but me kisses my boy, Edward," I assure him, needing him to know that. He's it for me. I don't want anyone else. "That's straight up fact."

"_Word_."

"Really?" I ask with a laugh.

"_What_?" he whines. "_I can't say that_?"

"Is it 1997?"

"_Shut up, Jasper_," he says dismissively. "'_Word' is still cool_."

"Yeah, it's all that and a bag of chips," I say, laughing. "It's... da bomb!" With that, I lose it, laughing hysterically. The tension of the anger combined with the elation of Edward being my boyfriend is fucking emotional overload, and I don't know what else to do.

"Umm.." Peter mutters, catching my attention. I completely forgot he was in the room. "Is everything," he points to the phone, giving me a thumbs up. I nod, and he makes a contemplative face. "Cool, well, I'm going to watch TV." With that, he walks back into the family room, and I let out a happy sigh, rubbing my free hand over my face.

"_Are you done now_?" Edward asks once I've gotten my hysteria under control.

"I think so."

"_You know, it's not very nice to laugh at your boyfriend, Jasper. In fact, your boyfriend frowns upon it_."

I fucking love how he keeps using that word. "Well, tell my boyfriend to pull the stick out of his sexy ass," I joke. "Also, be sure to tell my boyfriend I'd be more than happy to get said stick!" I add as an afterthought.

"_I don't have anything up my ass_," he protests defensively.

"I..." is all I can get out before he stops me.

"_No_!" he yells. "_I just realized how that sounded. Don't you dare say another fucking word_!"

I laugh. "Anything for you, darlin'."

"_Darlin_'?" he questions, picking on my accent by drawling it out. "_Really_?"

"What's wrong with that?"

"_I mean, I've heard you call Bella and other girls that before. I don't want to be some girl to you_."

"Edward, you will never be some girl to me. Trust me, if you were a girl, I wouldn't want you so damn much."

"_You want me_?" he asks playfully, and I swear, as lame as it fucking sounds, my heart skipped a beat.

"Oh yeah."

I hear someone calling out Edward's name in the background. "Hey, Jasper, I gotta go, but call me later, okay?"

"Sure thing," I tell him with a smile. "Bye," I slide the phone closed and walk back into the family room, collapsing onto the couch next to Peter. "I..."

"Don't even say it," he cuts me off. "I already know you can't go dancing now because you have a boyfriend."

"That I do," I reply with a stupid grin. I honestly can't get rid of it.

"Congratulations," he tells me genuinely. "Now, who the fuck am I gonna go out with?"

***~J~***

"Just come with us!" Rosalie insists for the twelfth time that evening.

"I'm happy with staying home," I whine, but she crosses her arms, shaking her head violently. "You're gonna give yourself whiplash by doing that, Rose, or even worse, tangle your hair up."

She ceases all head movements, glaring at me. "Listen, JJ, you're coming with us tonight, and you're going to have fucking fun!"

"Language!" My mom yells out from the kitchen.

She rolls her eyes. "Sorry," she apologizes, turning her slitted eyes back in my direction. "I will force you. You know I will."

"New Year's Eve is a date night, Rose, and I don't have a date," I remind her.

"It's about having fun and celebrating with friends and family, too, JJ. It's not all about the kiss at midnight."

"Yeah, says the girl who has a guaranteed kiss," I retort, running my fingers through my curls. I don't know why Rose can't leave me the fuck alone. I don't want to go to some lame party with her dumb ass friends. All I want to do is kiss Edward when the clock strikes twelve, but that shit's not going to happen. My boy is like five fucking states away from me tonight. I hate New Year's Eve!

"You want Em to lay one on you too, big boy?" Rose asks in a sweet voice, pinching my cheek hard.

"Jeez, woman," I cry out, swatting her hands away. "What the fuck is your problem?"

"JJ!" My mom screeches from the kitchen. "Watch your mouth!"

"Sorry," I apologize. I cover my mouth, trying to hold back my laughter.

"Damn kids need to have their mouths washed out with soap," I hear my mom grumble in the other room, and Rose and I both loose it, cracking up. "I'll do it," she threatens, entering the living room with blue dish soap in hand. "Who's first?"

Rose and I each point at each other before running out the room.

Three hours later, I'm riding bitch in the backseat of Emmett's jeep, crammed between two of Rose's air headed friends.

"I'm like so excited about this party," the dumb blond one says for the eighth time. "I bet there are going to be like so many hot guys there!"

"For sure," the dumber brunette one adds, squeezing my knee with her words. I narrow my eyes at her hand. That shit sure as hell ain't flying.

I shake her hand off my leg. "Let's hope so," I say with a smirk. "If there aren't like any like hot guys there, I'm going to like slit my fucking wrists... like fuck me with a chainsaw."

"Whaaat?" the dumb blond one slurs out.

"JJ!" Rose hisses while Emmett guffaws in the driver seat.

"Classic," he sighs, wiping under his eyes. "Good one, brother-in-law."

"Are you like gay?" the dumber brunette asks after a moment.

"Totally.. like for sure," I tell her, making my finger into a gun, pointing at her and clicking my jaw with a wink.

"You don't seem gay," the Jessica Simpson wannabe says in a pondering voice. "Ooh! We could go shopping!" she adds with a happy gasp, clapping her hands together.

"Never," I tell her with a grimace.

"Quit being an asshole!" Rose snaps at me from the front seat, whipping her head around to glare at me.

I take a deep breath, turning toward Blondie. "Sorry. That was rude. What I meant to say was, 'no, thank you,'"

"It's no biggie," she replies, shrugging her shoulders and popping her gum. She's one classy broad.

"Waait," the dumb ass with the brown hair says quietly. "Fuck you with a chainsaw? Are you like into that kind of... stuff?"

My mouth falls open in shock. She can't be serious! Emmett swerves slightly from laughing so hard, causing Rose to slap him on the arm. "Watch the road!" she screeches, and he merely nods in response, breathing heavy and snickering sporadically.

"Did you really just ask me that?" I question, furrowing my brows.

"Well, I've like heard that," she drops her voice to a whisper, "gay guys like playing with gerbils." She widens her eyes. "But, chainsaws... oh my god!"

I stare at her for a moment, too overwhelmed to say anything. I look to my right, but the other one is just as enraptured by my upcoming answer as the one who asked the retarded question. I lean forward, popping my head between Rose and Emmett's seat. "I hate you both. I just thought you should know that," I tell them with a sneer before collapsing back into my seat.

I turn back toward the brunette, plastering a fake smile on my face. "Tiffany, right?" I ask, and she nods. "Well, Tiffany, you were just right on the money," I continue in a sarcastically sweet voice. "Don't get me wrong, gerbils are great, but chainsaws, oh my god, talk about a good time!"

"So much fun it will tear you to pieces?" Emmett adds from the front seat, chortling. "Or, no, no, I got it – it's a buzzing good time?"

"I like 'em both," I tell him, laughing, and Rose joins in, giggling loudly.

"You were joking about the chainsaws, right?" the blond one asks after a moment, arching one perfectly groomed eyebrow at me.

"Maybe," I answer with a shrug without looking at her. Luckily a Phoenix song starts playing on Emmett's satellite radio, saving me from talking to either of them anymore. "Turn this up," I tell my sister. I sing along to the radio as Tweedledumb and Tweedledumber text the rest of the ride to the party. Pity, really. They were on such a roll, granting the car with their super deep thoughts.

***~J~***

I check my phone for the millionth time tonight. 11:30 pm. God, this night is never going to end. I let out a huff of hot hair, pushing my hair out of my face, looking around the giant room. It's like a sea of fucking happy party goers and... me. What a fun evening. I nearly fall over when a drunk guy rams into me. He grunts out a quick apology and stumbles away. God, I need to get out of this crowded room.

I push my way through throngs of drunken revelers, topped with plastic sparkly hats and crowns. A few blow obnoxious horns in my face as I pass, and I have to bite my tongue to stop from snapping at them. Guzzling down the remnants of the champagne in my glass, I look around for a waiter. I need another pronto. I've only had four... wait five... shit, it might be six... alright, I'm going to go with seven and be safe... I've only had seven glasses of champagne.

It doesn't matter, though. It's not nearly enough.

A scowl is glued to my face as I watch all the couples surrounding me cling to each other. Everyone is so happy to have their guy or gal on this stupid night. Assholes. God, this holiday has made me fucking bitter. As the waiter passes, I run toward him eagerly, foregoing the glass and grabbing a full bottle of champagne, giving no apologies even when he calls out after me.

Finally making it to the door, I push it open, sighing in relief when the crisp night air greets my heated cheeks. I take a deep breath, looking around the outside terrace. It's fucking huge! I don't know how Rose and Emmett know the people that own this place, but it's like a fucking mansion in the middle of the city. When we arrived at this tall, non descript building, I would never have imagined the apartment that was sitting pretty on the eleventh floor.

It about left me speechless when the elevators slid open. Too bad that the niceness of the party didn't help my mood at all. I've been a pretty miserable prick, but I can't help it.

Luckily for me, the terrace is big enough for me to actually find a secluded spot, and I do, squirreling myself away behind a giant potted tree. I take a gulp from the full bottle, wiping my mouth with the back of my hand.

I fuckin' hate New Years.

I sit alone for a few minutes longer, drinking and trying to kill time until I can make Rose and Emmett take me home. I don't know why I always let Rose pressure me into doing things I don't want to. She just twists shit around until I'm practically begging to do what I didn't want to in the first place. Girl has got some mad skills.

Chuckling sadly at my lame lingo, I bring the bottle back to my lips, taking another large pull of champagne, crinkling my nose at the bubbly liquid. My phone rings in my pocket, so I lower the green glass bottle, setting it on the concrete ground below me, reaching into my pants to pull out my cell.

Edward.

Smiling genuinely for the first time that night, I flip it open, greeting him. "Just the guy I wanted to talk to!"

"_Hey, Jasper_," he replies warmly, and it's too easy for me to picture his smiling face and deep green eyes... mmm... his toned hard body and sexy, messy hair... so fuckin' perfect. "_Jasper_?" Edward calling my name breaks me out of my trance, and I open my eyes, slightly dizzy. Shit. I think I'm drunk.

"Yeah?" I ask, following it up with a loud burp.

"_You were kinda spaced out there for a while_," he says with a laugh.

"Um... I might have consumed too much champagne," I say with a sigh after I try to take another drink only to find the bottle empty.

"_Fun night_?"

"Opposite," I groan. "Fucking miserable."

"_Why's that_?" he asks curiously.

"You weren't here with me," I tell him honestly. "New Years is in," I check my phone. "fuck, fifteen minutes, and I don't have you to kiss."

"_Well, Jasper, I am in the same boat_," he reminds me. "_Well, I was in the same boat_."

"Huh?" I slur.

"_It's almost two here_," he tells me with a chuckle. "_There are these little things called time zones_."

"Fuck, that's right," I suddenly remember, shaking my head. "I should have called you," I whine.

"_It's okay_," he murmurs, and I close my eyes, concentrating on the sound of his voice.

"Why aren't you asleep?" I question after a moment.

He sighs quietly. "_I wanted to wish you a Happy New Year_."

"You're amazing," I whisper drunkenly. "Did you know that?"

"_That I am_," he concurs with a laugh.

"Best fuckin' boyfriend evvveer," I slur, smacking my lips. "My tongue feels weird, Edward."

"_You're drunk_," he states simply.

"Yeah," I say on an exhale. "Champagne is a fickle mistress..." I trail off.

"_What does that mean_?"

"Fuck if I know," I mumble. I look around the nearly empty terrace. "Where are you?" I question, wanting to know if he went to a party, too. Fuck, I wish he was out here with me. We could have some fun behind this tree. It's big as a goddamned elephant. How would they even put such a tree in a pot? It doesn't seem natural. Trees belong in the ground!

"_In bed,_" Edward answers, bringing me out of my drunken stream of consciousness.

Groaning, I bury my face in my hands. "You can't say shit like that to me."

"_What_?" he questions with a laugh. "_What did I say_?"

"You can't fuckin' tell me you're in bed," I mutter, crossing my ankle over my knee to hide the new bulge in my pants. "Don't you know where my mind goes?" I snicker into the mouthpiece, letting my breath wash over the plastic of my phone. "It goes to dirty, dirty places, Edward," I whisper.

"_Yeah_?" he questions with an audible gulp.

"Fuck yeah," I hiss. "God, the things I could do to you. I wanna make you feel so good," I moan.

"_Ja-Jas-per_," Edward stutters out my name.

"That's right," I agree, yawning. "You'd call out my name."

"_Uh_..." he trails off, breathing slightly heavy. Shit, what did I just say? I can't remember. Was I rude. I don't think so, but I could have been. I open my mouth to apologize, but he cuts me off. "_One minute till 2010, Jasper_," Edward says sweetly into the phone. I bet he's smiling that crooked smile. He's so damn cute. God, I want him.

"Stay on the phone with me," I beg.

"_Of course_."

We sit in silence for a few seconds until I hear everyone inside start to countdown. "Almost there," I whisper.

"Six... Five... Four... Three... Two... One... Happy New Year!!"

The room erupts in shouts and laughter as Auld Lang Syne cuts in over the speaker system. I don't care about any of it. All I care about is the boy sitting in his bedroom in Illinois talking on the phone with me.

"Happy New Year, Edward," I tell him happily into the phone.

"_Happy New Year_," he repeats.

"It's going to be fucking awesome," I mumble, smiling to myself.

"_I think so, too_," he agrees, and I grin like the fucking Cheshire Cat. Fuck yeah, it's going to be awesome. I got Edward. He's mine, and he's fuckin' perfect. I can't wait until school starts again.

* * *

**I love Jasper. I love Edward, too. *sigh* lol. **

**Alright, let me know what you think! A good number of you have added ATD to your faves and alert, but I haven't gotten any feedback. Don't be scared. Reviews are love. Remember that. **

**PLUS, we hit 1k in reviews!!! Y'all are incredibly cool. Seriously. What does that mean, though? Well, it means - Outtake! I shall be posting it soon, so be on the look out. :)**


	17. Edward & the F Word

**Hi everyone! This is a week late, but thank y'all for your patience. For those in the know, my grandmother is doing better, and thank you for your kind thoughts. Big thanks to all the WC girls and guy (y'all know who y'all are!) and Sarah aka PhoenixRising25 for her fab last minute beta work. Y'all check out her story - From the Cutting Room Floor. It's a few things that SM left out of the books. It's a smutty good time. She's in my favorites list. **

**So, I don't own Edward or Jasper or Twilight. I think we know that by now.**

* * *

"EDWARD!"

Closing my eyes tighter, I roll over, pulling my pillow over my head and trying to fall back into the dream Alice just so unceremoniously woke me up from.

"_What a beautiful night," Jasper whispers in my ear as we sway together to "In the New Year" by the Walkmen, letting the music move our feet and bodies. I nod at his statement, snuggling deeper into his embrace, happy to be together. _

_The ball in New York suddenly appears in front of us, and we turn to watch it drop. With our arms wrapped around each other, the countdown starts. Everything sounds as though it's underwater, muffled numbers being shouted out in excitement, but all I can really hear and see is Jasper. Looking into each other's eyes, Jasper joins in when the countdown reaches three... two... one... _

_The confetti falls, whirling around us in the breeze, and I lean into kiss him..._

"EDWAAAAAAARD!!!" Alice yells again from somewhere in the house.

"Jesus, she can't be serious," I grumble to myself as I slowly sit up, preparing myself for the unwanted task of leaving my warm bed. "What could be so damn important?!?"

"She made breakfast for everyone," my father says from the other side of the room, startling me.

"Jesus, Dad," I huff out, clutching at my heart. "You scared the sh..." I trail off, and he raises his eyebrows, "stuffing out of me," I continue lamely.

He chuckles, shaking his head. "Yeah, well, Alice is driving me insane with all the yelling, so please, if you don't want to see me in hearing aids before the age of fifty, come downstairs and eat some pancakes."

"Just turn the dial down, old man," I tease, and he gives me one last look of desperation. Nodding, I run my fingers through my hair. "Give me two minutes."

He lets out a sigh of relief. "Alright, but if you're not down in two minutes, I'm sending Alice up." He holds his hands up in mock surrender. "And, I can't be held responsible for what happens after that."

"I'll definitely be down then," I laugh, and he smiles, shutting the door behind him when he leaves. Stretching my arms in the air, I yawn loudly, wondering why I still feel so damn tired. I drop my arms and reach for my phone, checking the time.

8:30

Damn! Why couldn't Alice have let me sleep later? Although, it's not like she knew I was up until 2:30 in the morning talking to my boyfriend. She also never fucking ever needs to know why I didn't fall asleep until 2:45. Jasper, unbeknownst to him, left me with a little problem in my pants. God, I was so fucking overwhelmed by how he was talking to me, how free and open he was being. I mean, I liked it, of course, but I don't know if I could ever be able to say those things back to him. Well, not at the moment, at least.

My cheeks heat up now, hours later just from the mere thought of what Jasper said when I told him I was already in bed.

"_Don't you know where my mind goes?" He snickered as if we in on some private joke before telling me,"It goes to dirty, dirty places, Edward." _

I wish I had it in me to speak up and respond to something like that. Instead, I just stuttered out his name like a freak. Then to make my pants even tighter, he insinuated that I would be calling out his name later... in a sexual way. Oh god, I couldn't speak for like a minute after that. I can only imagine where his imagination was going. Shit, I know where mine was going, and I have a feeling Jasper has a much larger database to pull from.

Instead of saying something funny or flirty, I merely pointed out that it was almost the New Year for him. It was nice, having someone special to share the moment with, even if it was just over the phone. Don't get me wrong, though, I really fucking wish we had been together.

It would also have been nice to have been in the same time zone. Unfortunately, when the clock struck twelve for me, I was bored out of my fucking mind. I spent my New Year's Eve at a party my father forced me to go to because he didn't want me to spend it alone. Supposedly, there were going to be all kinds of people my age there...

Yeah, there was one other "kid" there, alright.

She was twelve.

Everyone else was at least my dad's age. Needless to say, it was a fucking blast. The highlight of my night was by far when we got to go home, and I could call Jasper. I was pretty nervous, too, calling him at such an important time. I couldn't help but worry that he would be partying it up and be way too busy to talk to me.

I was definitely pleasantly surprised.

"EDWARD ANTHONY CULLEN!!"

Rolling my eyes at Alice's use of my full name, I reluctantly climb out of bed.

"DON'T ROLL YOUR EYES AT ME!"

My eyes widen with Alice's latest shout. It's pretty freaky how she does shit like that. Not wanting to incur her wrath further, I hightail it for the stairs.

"I'm here. I'm here," I call out when I enter the dining room, finding my dad already seated and Alice standing in the door to the kitchen with her arms crossed tightly across her chest. I swear, she fucking growls when she sees me. "I hear you made pancakes," I say to her with a smile.

"Yeah, well, let's hope they're not cold, now, Bub," she replies, frowning.

"I'm sorry, Ali." I give her an apologetic smile, hoping it will appease her. Honestly, with Alice, you never know.

She looks unimpressed, but after a moment, an evil smile crosses her face. I look to my dad, hoping he'll squelch whatever idea she has before she even announces it. His face flickers back and forth between us excitedly. He doesn't seem to be too concerned with my quiet pleas of help. "You know what you could do to make it up to me?" she asks innocently, but I know better – Alice is never innocent. She's a wolf in a cashmere sweater.

"I'm definitely curious," my dad interjects with a smile.

_Traitor._

She grins at me, clapping her hands together, and I groan loudly, already knowing what she's going to say. "You could do the Bubba Dance!" she squeals, and I drop my head to the table with a resounding thump.

"You're going to give yourself a goose egg on your forehead there, son," my dad laughs, and I fight the urge to kick him under the table.

"Just do it!" Alice urges, clapping her hands together. I turn my head to the side, glaring at her with one eye.

"The pancakes are just going to get even colder," I remind her.

She shrugs. "That's what the microwave is for."

Unbelievable.

"Then, what's the big deal that I was a few minutes late?" I question, sitting up so glaring at her is easier. She just continues to smirk at me, and after a moment, I roll my eyes.

"I told you not to roll your eyes at me, Edward," she warns. "Now, you have to do it."

"She has you there," my dad adds, nodding his head in agreement. They're both fucking crazy.

"Dad, come on!" I plead for his assistance.

He chuckles. "I think you have to do it. At least, as far as I remember, those were the rules."

"Uh, yeah, rules that were made TEN years ago!" I scoff. I don't want to do the stupid dance. I made it up forever ago to distract Alice when moments got too sad or too stressful to deal with.

"Rules are rules, Edward," Alice says with a smirk.

Growling in frustration, I stand, pushing my chair back hard. It squeaks across the tile. "You two are ridiculous. I just want you to know that," I tell them with a grimace before lifting the front of my shirt over my face.

I wiggle my hips back and forth, tapping on my stomach with both my hands. "Hubba, Hubba. Lubba, Lubba. Do the Bubba Dance" I sing out unenthusiastically, ending the dance by spinning around and shaking my ass at them. "Do the Bubba Dance."

I take my shirt off my face, turn around and sit back down at the table. "Can we eat, now?" I ask with a sigh as Alice's and my father's laughter grows hysterical. "Whatever," I grumble, standing back up and walking into the kitchen. "I'll just get it myself."

***~E~***

"You're a sweet boy," Kate tells me with motherly affection, and I smile back at her. "You've been a big help. Are you going to be volunteering this summer, as well?"

I shrug at the older woman. Kate is by far my favorite nurse in this hospital. I mean, I don't know all the nurses since I kinda only work on one floor, but I think it's a safe estimate to say she's my favorite. Being in a new situation like this makes me pretty nervous, and she immediately took me under her wing. She just has this way of talking to you like she knows you, and it's hard not to just immediately be comfortable around her.

Then, the whole Benji thing happened, and it really shook me. I tried to be a bigger person, and just leave him alone from there on out. The next time we had a shift together, I tried to just stay out of his way. I really did. At one point in the day, though, he just kind of caught up to me. Well, not only caught up to me, but cornered me in an empty hallway. Asshole just started right back in on all the flirting. Luckily, Kate swooped in, saving me from him.

Not that I needed saving. I'm not some fucking damsel in distress. I was _this_ close to telling him what I really thought of him, but this is the hospital where my father works. I don't need some crazy gossip like, "Gay man fight in the middle of the hallway!" to get back to him. That would just not be good.

That's probably the main reason why I just went with the flow and went out to dinner with Benji in the first place. Well, you know what they say, hindsight is 20/20. It's just that I'm getting fucking fed up with being practically blind in the present, though. It's almost as though with every new situation, I'm out of my element, or I'm unsure or uncomfortable or awkward. I just want to be on top of everything... just once. It's not that much to ask for, really.

"Don't you shrug at me," Kate snaps, placing her hands on her hips as she shakes her disapprovingly. Not even a minute later, she winks, and I chuckle at her antics.

"I just don't know what I'll be doing this summer," I tell her honestly. "Although, if I'm at home, there is no way my dad will just let me sit at home all day."

"That's a good thing," she points out.

"I know, I know," I admit sheepishly, "but I like video games as much as the next guy."

"Yeah, well, David, that's my son," she tells with a huff, "plays those damn video games like they're going out of style! I wish that boy would just turn it off. I tell him, 'David, there is a whole world out there. Go fucking play outside!'" She throws her hands in the air, and I bite my lip to keep from laughing.

"You tell him that exactly?" I question, narrowing my eyes at her.

"What?" She asks, obviously confused. "What did I say?"

Snickering to myself, I whisper," you tell him to 'go fucking play outside?'"

"Did I say that?" she implores with a shake of her head. "No, at home, I'd probably say something like, 'go play the french toast outside.'" She laughs. "Gar, well, Garret, my husband, has pretty much threatened to wash my mouth out with soap if I let out any more f-bombs slip out around David."

"It's a hard habit to break," I nod in commiseration.

"It damn well is," she replies with a laugh. Less than ten seconds later, though, her laughter dies abruptly as she narrows her eyes over my right shoulder. When I'm about to turn around, a male voice clears his throat behind me. My smile drops.

"Edward, can I talk to you?"

Spinning on my heel, I come face to face with Benji.

"We were kinda having a conversation already," Kate tells him over my shoulder, giving him a sneering smile in warning.

Shaking my head, I turn back to her. "It's okay. I'll talk to him," I whisper, and she takes a deep breath, narrowing her eyes once more at Benji before nodding her head. I don't where this Momma Bear routine came from, but I make a mental note to never mess with her kid... ever.

Without another word, I walk away, not caring if he follows me or not, but knowing he will. I turn the corner, finding an empty room to have an unwanted conversation.

"Talk," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest.

He stands there, obviously agitated, looking at anywhere but me. Then, clenching his jaw, he shakes his head for a moment, before glaring at me. "Listen, Edward, I don't know what I did to you, but you're whole injured baby kitten routine has got to stop," he directs at me with a frown on his face.

"Excuse me?" I question, turning my ear toward him to make sure I didn't mishear him. What the fuck is he talking about?

He rolls his eyes. "Ever since you and I went out, the other nurses have been giving me the silent treatment or fucking snapping at me, and I'm at my wits end."

"And, this is my fault, how?" I ask, shrugging my shoulders.

"I'd like you to tell me," he replies, tapping his foot obnoxiously as he waits for my answer.

"Sorry to disappoint you, but I have nothing to tell," I snap back, shaking my head in disbelief.

"I think you do, Edward," he sneers.

"I haven't told anyone a damn thing," I state.

"It's not my fault that you're a scared little fag, hiding in the closet and afraid to come out to daddy," he practically yells at me, and I unconsciously take a step back. "I didn't force you to come to dinner with me. I didn't force you to kiss me..."

"You have got to be kidding me!" I interrupt, throwing my hands in the air. "Who the fuck do you think you are?" I question, clenching my fists. "First of all, you're not that hot. Second of all, I did NOT want you to kiss me, and, for the record, you did kind of force your lips on me. Last but not least, my _boyfriend_," I say, emphasizing the word, "is the only fucking guy I wanna kiss."

"Boyfriend," he snorts, rolling his eyes. "How would your boyfriend like to know that you go around flirting and kissing other guys?" he sneers.

"I just fucking told you..." I pause, taking a deep breath. "Listen, I'm leaving and going back to school; let's just pretend we never met," I tell him, adding a few choice names for him at the end in my head.

"Sounds great," he retorts, and I bite my tongue from verbally ripping him a new asshole.

He leaves the room first, stomping away like an overgrown child which is basically what he just proved himself to be. His ego somehow inflated the whole situation into my fault – like I couldn't keep my hands off him. Whatever. I don't have time for that shit, anyway.

God, I'm ready to go back to school.

"Are you okay?" Kate asks, quietly walking up beside me and placing her hand on my shoulder.

I nod. "I'm fine," I tell her, turning my head to give her a quick forced smile.

"There are plenty of fish in the sea," she starts, and I turn to her in confusion, furrowing my brows. "You know, my brother..."

"Kate," I cut her off, clearing my throat.

"What? Tony is really cute..."

"Kate," I call out her name again, and she looks at me, obviously impatiently. "What did you think was going on between Benji and me?"

"Well, I thought you two were secret boyfriends," she retorts as though it's common knowledge. The knot in my stomach that appeared from the conversation with Benji turns into a lead weight. "From the way you acted around him, I thought he broke your heart," she continues, oblivious to the emotional tidal wave that I've been swept under. I feel as though I can barely breathe.

"Does... is that why... everyone?" I sputter out, gripping my hands in my hair.

"Edward," she says calmly, squeezing my shoulder. "What's wrong?"

"That's what everyone thinks?" I finally squeak out. "Everyone knows..." I trail off.

"Knows what, sweetie?"

"That I'm... I'm..."

"Gay?" she finishes the sentence, and I turn my head away, shutting my eyes tight. I can't believe this. I can't fucking believe this! I should have never gone to dinner with him. Everyone is going to know. They're going to treat me differently. Then, it hits me...

_Everyone is going to know_ – including my father.

I turn to Kate, grasping her upper arms in my hands. "Who all knows?" I question, blinking away tears.

"I think a lot of us nurses assumed, but I..." she shrugs, shaking her head.

"My..." I take a deep breath, starting again. "Do you think it could have gotten back to my dad?" I whisper, and she gives me a sad smile.

"He doesn't know." It's not a question, but I shake my head in answer, anyway. "Would it be so bad..."

"He can't know," I cut her off again. "He just can't," I repeat vehemently. I drop her arms, burying my face in my hands. "Oh, god," I whisper to myself. What if he knows? What if the thought disgusts him? What if he never wants to see my again? Where would that leave me? I'd be all alone. I'd have no one. I'd be an orphan.

"I doubt that he knows, Edward. He works on a different floor, and it's mostly the nurses..." she trails off when my breathing becomes labored, wrapping me up in her arms. "It's going to be okay," she whispers reassuringly.

"It's just new," I tell her with a wavering voice. "I have all these feelings and wants, and it's all so fucking confusing."

"I know. I know. I remember when Tony went through it, but you have people who love you, Edward." She runs her hands softly over my upper back, and I sink deeper into her comforting embrace.

"What if they don't love me once they find out?" I question, my voice barely audible.

"Your father loves you. When he was asking around for a position for you, you should have seen how proud he was when he was talking about you," she tells me, and I turn my head to the side to wipe my nose on my hand.

"I know he loves me, but what if he doesn't love this part of me?"

"When you love someone, especially your kid, you love every part of them," she whispers, hugging me tighter.

"I'm just... I'm not ready... I can't... I... I wouldn't," I trip over my words, not sure how to express myself.

"You tell him when you're ready, Edward. It's not about him, anyway. It's about you."

I pull away from her embrace, wiping my wet eyes as discreetly as I can. I'm so fucking embarrassed to be crying in the middle of the damn hospital hallway. Thank god it's my last day.

"Please, don't say anything," I beg.

"I would never."

"Thanks, Kate," I say, smiling softly. "Your family is lucky to have you."

"Chin up," she tells me, giving me a look that tells me it's time to get over my shit, and I give her a close-lipped grin, nodding my head in agreement. "Now, about Tony..."

I cut her off with a laugh. "I kinda have a boyfriend," I tell her sheepishly.

"Benji?" she questions, giving me a look of mixed disgust and disbelief.

"Hell fucking no," I retort immediately.

"Good boy," she giggles. "Well, tell me all about him, then," she encourages, and I smile before launching into all the details that make Jasper so fucking perfect.

***~E~***

After a surprisingly uneventful flight, I land in Seattle, happy to be back at school. I have lived in the same house as long as I can remember. It's where I grew up, but it's crazy because in the short amount of time I've been away at school, it's started to feel like home.

Checking the seat around me to make sure I haven't forgotten anything, I stand, stretching my sleepy muscles. I grab my carry on, and I make the slow trek off the plane. When I exit the terminal, I take a moment to remember which is the best way to go from this point. I need to find a taxi and get back to the dorm. I wonder if Jasper is there already? Will he be waiting in the room for me? Will we kiss more? Shit. What if he wants to go further than kissing? If he touched my cock, I think it might explode on the spot.

"Edward!"

I turn my head when my name is called to find James walking up to me. "Uh, hey," I say in greeting, shaking his hand when he sticks it out to me.

"You heading back to school?" he asks, and I nod. "Your car in the long term lot, as well? I'm about to head that way," he motions with his head.

"No... uh... I was going to get a taxi," I tell him.

"No way, man," he says, smiling. "Just ride with me." He pats my back in a quick man hug. "Got your shit?" I'm a little too dazed to respond, so I just nod, holding up my carry on which is my only bag. "Cool. Give me a sec to run to the bathroom before I fucking piss on the floor. Watch my shit?" He doesn't wait for an answer before he walks away. My eyes drop to his discarded suitcase, trying to figure out how I got stuck in this situation. This is a weird turn of events. I haven't even thought about James or any of those guys since the Halloween party. I don't think Jasper has been hanging out with them, either. I mean, maybe he was when I was still dating Bella. He hasn't talked about them lately, though. Then, he doesn't have to tell me everything. I mean, I'd like him to, but I can't force him. Would he hide things from me?

As I'm contemplating how uncomfortable I'm going to be on the ride back to campus, a pair of hands cover my eyes, cutting off my sight. Good lord, James has lost his damn mind. Does he expect me to play Peek A Boo with him?

"Guess who?" a warm masculine voice asks, and I immediately cover his hands with mine, smiling broadly.

"Jasper," I whisper. He laughs and spins me around to face him. I'm greeted by his handsome face and sparkling blue-grey eyes. He smiles at me, his eyes lingering on my lips, and I feel my cheeks heat up from his concentrated stare. I wish he would kiss me. My hands wring nervously together, and he cups them calmly in his own for only a second before he pulls me into a hug.

Throwing his arms around my neck, he tugs me closer, and I willingly step forward, relishing in the feel of his body against mine. I encircle his waist with my arms, hugging him back. I've missed him. Unfortunately, he pulls away more quickly than I would have liked.

Remembering that we're in the middle of the fucking airport, though, I'm glad we only embraced for a moment. I can't help but look around to see if anyone is staring at us. I was raised to believe people are people, and you shouldn't judge them based on race or sexuality. I'm not ignorant to the fact that this is not what everyone believes. A lot of people are very close-minded.

Will people say ugly things to us if we hug in public? If Jasper wanted to hold my hand on the streets, is that going to cause others to try to harm us just because we're gay? There are so many unknowns that I didn't consider when I jumped into this with Jasper. I'm worried, excited, anxious, elated and so many other things all at the same time. I don't want to hurt Jasper or mess up this boyfriend thing, but I'm still fucking wet behind the ears - a noob of the worst variety.

"So," he asks, his hands lingering on my shoulders, "is this a good surprise or bad surprise?"

Forcing my concerns to the back of my mind for the moment, I fake a grimace, crinkling my nose. "I wouldn't call it good exactly," I joke, and he punches my arm lightly in return. Throwing my hands playfully into the air, I admit defeat. "You win. You win," I tell him. "It was a great surprise."

"Great, huh?" he repeats with a smirk. His eyes dart to the left of my face, widening in surprise. "What the fuck?" he mumbles to himself, dropping his hands from my body.

"Hey, James," Jasper calls out, stepping around me, and I take a moment before I spin around to face them.

"'Sup?" James responds, raising his chin in greeting before they bump fists. "You picking him up from the airport?"

"Uh, yeah," he responds, nodding nonchalantly.

James's eyes flick between us. "Edward said he was taking a taxi," he informs Jasper, arching his brow at my boyfriend in some silent question.

"Yeah, well, I surprised him."

"Surprised him?" James repeats slowly, and I fidget uncomfortably in my spot.

"That's what I said," Jasper remarks, his tone quickly turning sharp. It's easy to see that he's starting to get agitated.

"Seems pretty gay if you ask me," James scoffs, and I clench my jaw at his words. He says it like it's the worst thing in the world.

"Well, I am pretty gay," Jasper responds casually, and I whip my head in his direction, shocked by his suddenly relaxed attitude.

James laughs so loud it's obnoxious. "Good one, dude," he says, slapping Jasper on the back.

"I wasn't making a joke, James."

"What?"

"I'm gay," Jasper repeats with a smile.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" he asks, shaking his head in disbelief. "Since when the fuck are you a fag?"

Wincing at the slur, I turn to Jasper, wanting to grab his hand and just walk away, but I don't. I don't do anything. "You need to watch your mouth, James," Jasper warns him.

"Oh, yeah, what the fuck are you going to do about it?" he questions, pointing his finger menacingly in Jasper's direction.

Jasper grits his teeth, jutting his jaw out from the pressure. "Just shut the fuck up," he snaps, his eyes slitted in anger. James, obviously judging not to push Jasper any further, turns to me, narrowing his eyes at me.

"You happy about this, Edward?" he barks at me. "Happy that you live with an ass pirate?"

"Jasper is Jasper," I tell him. "It doesn't matter. He's my friend." The moment I say it, I want to take it back. This is our first time back together as a couple, and at the first opportunity, I don't own up to it. Immediately after the "f" word leaves my mouth, Jasper's shoulders slump, and he turns his face away from me. I feel sick to my stomach.

"This conversation is fucking stupid," Jasper states in a dead tone. He turns toward James, "and you're an ignorant asshole. I'm leaving."

"Go on, then," he says, motioning with his head with a sneer. "I don't need you hanging around wanting to suck my cock."

"Unfortunately, I know where your cock has been, James, and I can guaran-fuckin-tee you that I don't want that tiny thing anywhere near me," Jasper growls, taking a step back toward James, his hands balled into fists. James puffs out his chest, waiting for Jasper to make the first move. "Say something else, motherfucker," Jasper leers.

This can't go any further. We're in a damn airport, and we would all be thrown into jail before Jasper's fist even connects with James' face. As a small crowd starts to gather around us, I reach out to Jasper, grabbing his forearm. He looks at my hand and then back at me with a frown before pulling out of my grasp. He immediately turns his attention back to James who is watching the two of us with an angry expression on his face.

Taking a deep breath and trying to ignore the tightness in my throat from Jasper's dismissal, I call his name. "Jasper." He doesn't turn. "Come on, just let it go," I urge, and his eyes flick in my direction.

"You can ride back to school with me, Edward," James says with a cackle. "I promise I won't ask you to suck my dick." He points at Jasper. "Can't say the same for that one."

Jasper is visibly shaking from the restraint he's obviously enforcing on himself, and I step in front of him without thinking. He doesn't deserve any of this, and I just need to protect him from the ugliness of James. "The only dick I wanna suck is Jasper's," I say calmly, conjuring up the rudest smile I can. With my words, Jasper makes a noise that is somewhere between choking and laughing.

He grabs my hand, tugging me back to him and away from the confrontation. "Please, can we just go?" I ask when I turn back to him, and Jasper smiles at me, nodding his head in agreement. I immediately start walking away, and Jasper turns to follow me.

He looks back over his shoulder at James. "Later, bitch," he sneers, throwing his arm over my shoulder and steering me out of the crowded terminal.

We round the corner, and I let out a deep breath. "Oh shit," I whisper to myself, and Jasper chuckles lightly. I can't believe I just said that. I cannot fucking believe it.

He leans in toward me, whispering in my ear, "Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

I jab him in the ribs with my elbow. "Shut up."

"What?" he questions, giving me an innocent look. "Christmas break did you good," he continues. "You're all brazen and shit."

"I am not," I say with a shake of my head. "I couldn't let him talk to you that way. He just made me so angry," I spit out through gritted teeth.

"Yeah, you and me both," he agrees. "I guess you don't like when people insult your _friends_," he states evenly, emphasizing that stupid, fucking "f" word."

"Jasper," I start, ready to apologize over and over if need be.

He covers my mouth with the hand that's thrown over my shoulder, stopping us. "I'm just picking, Edward," he tells me, staring into my eyes. "The dick sucking comment MORE than made up for it." He smirks at me, and I smile, as well, even though it's hidden behind his hand. "In fact, the thought of you sucking my dick makes a few things go... up... if you get what I'm saying."

With wide eyes and a loud gulp, I wiggle out of his grasp. "Well, uh, let's get going," I mumble, immediately turning and walking back toward the exit, leaving Jasper behind.

I can hear him chuckle as he catches up to me, but he doesn't say anything else to embarrass me. We walk in silence to the car, our fingers brushing together with each step.

* * *

**So, what did y'all think? They're back in the same town... heading back to the dorm... where they'll be alone... ;)**

**A few announcements, if y'all don't mind. First of all, I am submitting a ATD future one shot to Ms. Kathy's Haiti relief fundraiser she put together. All you have to do is donate like five dollars and email her the reciept. You can find more information here: http : // mskathyff (dot) blogspot (dot) com. Now, I will not be posting this any where else. This is the only way you'll be able to read the fun! **

**Also, if you haven't read it, I would love for you to check out the outtake I posted for y'all for pushing ATD over 1k in reviews. It's in it's own story: Intangibilities. You can find it on my profile.**

**You can find me on Twitter if you like - link is on my profile. Also, come by the forum - which is also linked to my profile. lol. I love all the girls that come to the forum. It's a good time with lots of tongue flicks. yum.**

**Sorry for the crazy long A/N. REVIEW!! Let me know what you think! **


	18. Jasper & the Leftovers

**Hi! So, this is late, but I think y'all almost expect that now. lol. My bad. Let's see - if y'all got the Haiti doc, I hope you enjoyed the outtake. It was fun to write. Though, HopeStreet has me rethinking logistics of the bed. Ok -- big thanks to all you WC peeps and fun folks on Twitter and the thread and to my Sugar Plum. Also, I can never forget Sarah aka PhoenixRising25 for ALWAYS helping me out last minute. She's awesome.**

**As we all know, Twilight is not mine. I just play with the boys.**

* * *

"_Hello_?"

Smiling when I hear his voice, I call his name out in greeting. "Edward!"

"_Hey, Jasper_," he replies in a quiet voice.

This is how he's been the entire break. We've talked on the phone almost every day, and each phone call has him acting all shy once again. I hope it's just a phase. Maybe, because we're not together physically, but at the same time we're _together_, he doesn't know how to act. Thank god, though, that school is about to start. I have never wanted to see anyone so badly. It makes me feel like I'm losing my ever-lovin' mind.

Hopefully, his shy act won't continue once we get back to UW. The thing is, technically, I just "came out." I mean, I knew I was gay for fucking years, but I just started telling people. And, by people, I mean, my family. None of my friends at school know yet, besides Edward and Bella. I haven't really talked to them, though, since November or so.

It's not that I care what they think because honestly, they don't even fucking know me, but in a way, I'm worried about their reactions. They know me as this one guy, and I don't want any stupid shit, like a fight, to go down because of the truth. I also don't want any of it effecting Edward. He's my number one concern. They can go fuck themselves for all I care.

I don't want to flaunt our relationship. It's not like I want to be the poster gay couple. I'm not exactly sure where I stand on holding hands in public and all that other shit. I've never had a boyfriend before. Edward's not the only one flying blindly. I just know that I don't want to have to go back into the closet. I don't want to have to hide or lie anymore. It's too easy to keep everything locked away, and Edward doesn't deserve that. I have to be better, be more, for him. The only thing is, I don't think Edward is ready to even tell his family, let alone the rest of the world.

He's just coming to terms with his sexuality, and he's pretty fucking vulnerable. I mean, Edward is a sensitive guy, anyway. I don't want to do something wrong and screw this up. The scary thing is that there are so many ways I could do just that. What if I push him to fast? What if we're out one night, and some ass yells out derogatory shit? I could lose my temper. Edward could get hurt. What if...

God, there I go again, playing that dumb as shit "What if" game. I need to get the fuck out of my own head, sometimes. It's not always a good place to be.

"_I'm glad you called_," Edward says after a moment, and I can't help but grin despite my silent worries.

"How was your last day at the hospital?"

"_It was_..." he pauses, "_okay_."

"Did something happen?" I question, keeping my voice as calm as I can. It's like Edward is a magnet for all kinds of shit. He's too fucking hot for his own good.

"_Nothing important_... _just that idiot guy again_..."

"You've got to be kidding me!" I blurt out, interrupting him. "What the fuck happened, Edward?"

"_Nothing!_" he exclaims. "_He just said some ugly things to me. I handled it!_"

Gritting my teeth, I take a deep breath to release some of my anger. I can't believe the nerve of that fucktard murse! I swear to any fucking deity that wants to listen, if I was in the same city as that douche, he'd be, at the very least, getting his tires slashed.

I let out a huff of air. "How'd you handle it?"

"_With words_."

"Alright, Gandhi," I retort, rolling my eyes. "What kind of words?"

"_Choice ones_."

"Why are you being so cryptic?" I hiss out in frustration.

"_I don't want to talk about it!_" he practically yells. "_You're going to get upset, and I don't want to be the cause of it. We get to see each other today, Jasper, and I don't want it to be marred by Benji_."

"Benji!" I growl.

"_See_," he points out. "_That is exactly what I mean_."

"It's just..."

"_When are you leaving Portland_?" he asks, interrupting me and changing the subject all at once. I can't help but be impressed.

"Sometime this afternoon. Not sure yet," I tell him, going for nonchalance. "What time do you have to be at the airport?" I ask, trying to keep the excitement out of my voice. All thoughts of that fuckface Benji leave my head, leaving behind an electrical buzz of elation – I get to see Edward today! I fight the urge to jump up and down on the fucking couch. That's how happy I am. I just really don't want to look like that fucking douche Tom Cruise. That would not be cool.

"_My flight leaves at noon_, _so I should be back in Seattle about four or so_," Edward tells me, and I can hear the smile in his voice which must mean he wants to see me, too.

I mean, I know he likes me. He did agree to be my boyfriend, but we had like zero fucking time together before the break. Although we've talked on the phone a lot, it's been hard not being able to see him or touch him... kiss him. I do feel like I've gotten to know him even better than before, though, through our conversations. I just hope it translates to face to face time. We're great as friends, that's been proven, and I like the shit out of him – I just don't want transitioning to boyfriends to be awkward.

Then, don't even get me started on the fact that we live in the same dorm room. It's fucking insane, but like, in the best possible way. I'm just pretty damn nervous about every little thing. I've dwelled on this shit the entire month I was home. It hasn't been pretty. My mom seriously asked me if I was cutting myself. I've been an emo little shit, but I just couldn't help it.

Although we shared a lot during our talks, I didn't share any of that with Edward. I didn't want to upset him with all those ugly thoughts. I tell him what he needs to know. "I can't wait to see you," I say, giving him a honest, yet not _completely_ truthful, confession. "I've really missed you."

"_I missed you, too_."

Those words make me happier than they should. My smile falls when Rose saunters into the living room. "Hey there, baby bro," she says with smirk.

"Um... I gotta go, but I'll see you later," I mumble quietly into my cell.

"_Alright, bye, Jasper_."

"Bye."

I slide my phone shut, placing it on the coffee table, and by doing so, make a big mistake.

"Who were you talking to?" she asks, crossing her arms over her chest and raising one eyebrow in question.

I told Rose about Edward before we kissed. She knows I like him, but I wasn't ready to inform her that it had morphed into a relationship. It's new, and I don't want to share him. Besides, Rose would tell EVERYONE! She has a big fucking mouth that she doesn't know how to keep closed.

"No one," I say with a shrug. "Just a friend at school."

"Mm hmm."

"Yeah," I retort, turning back to the television, and turning up whatever was already on. Oh, great, some show about weirdos with fifty kids. Fantastic! That is_ just_ what I wanted to watch. Honestly, I don't think my mom knows there are other channels besides TLC.

"What are you watching?" Rose asks, not moving from her standing position beside the couch.

"Uh... Married with Lots of Children..."

"Yeah, that's not a show."

"Anal Bitch and Asian Douche Plus All Those Kids," I try again.

"Yeah... no." She narrows her eyes at me. "You're acting very suspicious, JJ," she remarks.

"Why? I like kids," I tell her defensively.

She walks closer, and as I think she's about to sit down on the couch with me, she grabs my phone and runs across the room. "What the fuck?" I call out as she slides the phone open, smirking at the screen.

"So, it was Edward that you've missed and can't wait to see!" she exclaims. "Why the fuck didn't you tell me?"

"I don't have anything to tell." I jump to my feet and cross the room. She looks around, but I corner her before she has a chance to escape. Holding my hand out, I give her one more chance before I physically remove it from her person. "Give me my phone back."

"You're lying! What's going on with Edward?"

"That's none of your business. Give it!"

"No."

"Rose."

"Not until you tell me."

"Rosalie, I swear to Jesus fucking Christ, if you don't give that back to me right this second, I'm going to lose it," I say in warning. My head shakes slowly back and forth as my teeth grind together.

"What are you going to do about it, JJ?" she taunts, waving my cell around in front of my face. I reach out to grab it, but she's quick, stuffing it down her shirt.

"I _know_ you did not just do that!" I grate out. "It better not be wedged between your fucking tits!"

"Ew, JJ, don't talk about my boobs," she says with a shudder. "Fucking gross."

"You're the one who..." I trail off, walking away in frustration. If I don't play along, eventually she'll just get bored. She's like a wild bear or some shit like that, and I'm that poor asshole on the forest ground, playing dead.

Knowing Rose, though, she'd be that one sadistic bear that fucking loves toying with the human for hours, anyway. I don't have time for that shit. I just need a scarier animal to keep her big bear ass in check – my mom.

I stop outside my mother's office, preparing to tattle like a five year old. Knocking, I simultaneously open the door, revealing my mother leaning back in her black chair with her feet resting on top of her desk.

"He goes back to school soon, and, then, I'll have..." my mother stops talking as soon as I enter, covering the mouth of the phone with her hand. The chair falls back into its regular position, leaving her knees perched awkwardly on the edge of the mahogany desk.

"JJ!" she hisses at me. "I'm on the phone."

"Sorry, it's just Rose put my cell phone down her shirt, and I have to leave soon."

"Seriously?" she questions, letting out a huff of air. She situates herself into a more proper position, feet planted firmly on the floor. "You and your sister act like y'all are little children, sometimes. Did you two not get the memo that you're fully grown?"

"It's just..." I start sheepishly, but she cuts me off.

"I'll be out in a second." She motions toward the door with her head. Frowning, I leave, closing the door behind me. Even though it's muffled, I hear her get back on the phone, most likely saying good-bye. She comes out a moment later.

"I'm sorry. I should have knocked," is the first thing I say to her.

"You should have," she tells me, giving me that look that immediately makes me feel bad. "It's fine, though, JJ. I was getting off the phone, anyway."

"Who were you talking to?"

"Your Aunt Carmen."

Nodding, at her answer, I follow her into the living room where Rose is sitting on the couch watching some stupid girly shit on the TV. "Rose, give Jasper back his cell phone," my mom tell hers, and she pauses the TiVo, laughing humorlessly.

"You have got to be kidding me," she mumbles to herself, narrowing her eyes at me. "I can't believe you squealed like a little bitch."

"Rosalie!" my mom screeches her name. "I swear, I think the world would stop turning if we had one day where you two weren't cursing like sailors! You weren't raised in a barn!"

"Wait. Are we sailors or barnyard animals?" Rose asks, and I cough to cover up my laugh. My mother is not so amused, and she shows this by simultaneously glaring and clearing her throat.

"Sorry," she apologizes to my mother.

"It's fine," she huffs, and then after a moment adds, "Now, not that I don't love you, but what are you doing here?"

"I came to say bye to JJ," she replies with a shrug. "Em dropped me off."

"Well, when is he picking you up? Y'all are giving me a headache!"

***~J~***

After Rose begrudgingly gave me my phone back, I packed the car up, buckled the ice chest filled with left overs into the passenger seat, and took off for Seattle.

I gave myself enough time to surprise Edward at the airport. He's a lucky guy because I'm totally going to move the leftovers to the backseat for him, and I wouldn't do that for just anyone. My mother is a fantastic fucking cook. I'd take a fucking bullet for those leftovers. It's serious business.

Plugging in my iPod and turning the music up to eleven, I zone out, driving the familiar route without much thought. It's only when my perfectly timed play list ends and I'm taking the exit to the airport that my mind starts to overflow with doubt.

_What if his plane landed ahead of schedule, and he's not here? I could have done this for nothing..._

_I should have told him I was coming..._

_Is just showing up unannounced like this going to make me look desperate? Am I desperate? Shit. I'm desperate. Hold up. Can you be desperate when you've already gotten the guy? Well, fuck. I think desperate and in a relationship is a whole hell of a lot worse than desperate and single..._

_When I see him, will he want me to kiss him?_

_What should I say?_

_Should I just initiate a kiss, maybe? Do I have to ask? That's lame, though. Also, I think asking your boyfriend if you can kiss him puts me back in the desperate category..._

_What do I say? _

_Hey, I just happened to be in the neighborhood? No. That's stupid..._

_Edward. Lookin' good. Yeah, no. Not gonna happen..._

_Wanna ride? On my dick... _

Laughing at my last thought, I flip on my blinker, veering toward the airport. It'd be a waste to turn around now. What's done is done. Hopefully, he'll like it.

I think he'll like it.

I mean, why wouldn't he?

Pulling into the first spot I can find, I climb out of Richard, checking the time on my cell.

4:16.

Shit.

Taking off at a sprint, I make it through the parking lot in record time. Once inside, I follow the signs and shove through the dense crowd to get to the departure gate. If his plane hasn't landed, I can be standing there waiting for him with open arms. It would be just like a fucking movie.

Cue the sappy love song in the background because that's fucking ridiculous. What the fuck is my problem today? I'm acting like a goddamn teenage girl.

A quick glance at the arrivals screen lets me know that's not going to happen, anyway. His plane landed fifteen minutes ago – _exactly_ on time.

Great.

He's probably already caught a cab back to the dorm, and I'm going to be left standing here like some pathetic chump. Tucking my thumbs through the loops of my jeans, I let out a loud hiss of air, my cheeks puffing up with frustration. That's when I see it -- a shock of messy bronzish hair.

Edward.

With his back to me, I can't see his face, but he glances to the right, granting me an eyeful of his profile. God, he's so fucking hot. Seriously. He's "make you cum in your pants like a twelve year old" hot. He's... well, he's beautiful in all honesty.

Without a second thought, I'm sneaking up behind him. Covering his eyes with my hands, I ask, "Guess who?" He reaches up, putting his hands over mine. God, it feels good to be touching him.

"Jasper," he whispers, and I laugh, turning him to face me. His green eyes flick over my face, and I smile, ecstatic to be once again in the same fucking city as Edward. I can touch him if I want to. My eyes travel down to his lips. I could kiss him if I want to, as well. Jesus fucking Christ, I want to. Although, that might freak Edward the fuck out, so instead, I throw my arms around his neck and pull him to me for a hug. Shit, at this point, any body contact is fucking fine by me. I'd let him poke me in the eye if it meant he'd have his hands on me.

He wraps his arms around my torso, hugging me back, and I'm sure I'm grinning like an idiot. I let go pretty quickly since we're in the airport, and it's about as public as you can get. I honestly don't give a shit. I want the world to know Edward is my boyfriend. I'd scream it from the mountain tops and all that other lame shit. He's that special.

I don't think Edward is ready for all that just yet, though.

"So," I start after I break the hug, my hands still lingering on his shoulders. It's too hard not to not touch him. "Is this a good surprise or bad surprise?"

I hope that he's happy I'm here. I can't go back, now. God knows I freaked about it enough on the ride here. That shit was ridiculous.

He crinkles his nose. "I wouldn't call it good exactly," he says with a grimace, obviously joking, and I punch him playfully in the arm in retribution. He laughs, throwing his hands up in defeat. "You win. You win," he tells me with a smile. "It was a great surprise."

"Great, huh?" Smirking, I look up at him, noticing James walking towards us. What the fuck? I step around Edward. "Hey, James."

"'Sup?" He responds with his trademark lame nod, holding his fist up for me to bump. "You picking him up from the airport?"

"Uh, yeah."

James purses his lips, looking back and forth between Edward and me. I fight the urge to stand in front of my boyfriend, blocking him from James' view. "Edward said he was taking a taxi," he tells me, arching his brow like a condescending prick.

"Yeah, well, I surprised him."

"Surprised him?" James repeats slowly, and I watch Edward squirm out of the corner of my eye. Asshole is making my boyfriend uncomfortable. Yeah, I don't think so.

"That's what I said," I snap back, getting fed up with this conversation. I haven't seen or talked to James since November. I really don't have time for him now.

"Seems pretty gay if you ask me," James scoffs.

"Well, I am pretty gay," I respond, going straight to the point, but trying to remain nonchalant. I'm not hiding anymore, and I guess this is one way to prove that point without a doubt.

James lets out an annoyingly loud cackle. "Good one, dude," he says, slapping me on the back.

"I wasn't making a joke, James."

"What?"

"I'm gay," I repeat. I give him an extra wide grin to back up my words.

"You're fucking kidding me, right?" He shakes his head. "Since when the fuck are you a fag?"

God, I'd knew he'd act like this, but I went ahead and told him, anyway. Genius move on my part. "You need to watch your mouth, James," I warn him. I don't want this to escalate any further than it has to.

"Oh, yeah, what the fuck are you going to do about it?" he sneers out his question.

Gritting my teeth to stop myself from biting off his stubby finger he keeps jabbing in my direction, I snap, "Just shut the fuck up."

James almost immediately turns his narrowed eyes toward Edward, and I hold back a growl, a literal growl, like some wild animal. That's some serious shit right there. "You happy about this, Edward?" he barks out, and I'm fucking blinded by rage. I wonder how fast James would go down if I socked him in the throat. I'd go straight for the jugular. How dare he bring Edward into this?

"He's my friend." Somehow Edward's words break through, and it anger catches in my throat, swirling into a new and painful emotion. My shoulders slump, and the fight is just gone. I can't do this anymore.

Friend.

Fucking friend.

This is my boyfriend, Edward. The guy I could love. The guy that made me believe I could trust myself to be in a relationship, that I was maybe good enough.

God dammit.

"This conversation is fucking stupid," I murmur, turning toward James, "and you're an ignorant asshole. I'm leaving."

"Go on, then. I don't need you hanging around wanting to suck my cock."

He doesn't know when to shut his fucking mouth.

"Unfortunately," I snap back, "I know where your cock has been, James, and I can guaran-fuckin-tee you that I don't want that tiny thing anywhere near me." I take a step back toward him, and he balls his hands into fists and puffs out his chest. The bitch wants a fight. "Say something else, motherfucker," I sneer, clenching my jaw.

I take one more step toward James, cracking my neck for intimidation purposes, and I feel a hand on my forearm. My gaze drops down, frowning when I see Edward's hand on me. I shake out of his grasp. He shouldn't want to touch his _friend_ like that. I turn back to James, preparing myself for the fight that is going to finally break me. I've haven't been in a fight since we left that asshole in Texas, but I'm about to forget the promise I made to myself.

I can't fucking believe this.

"Jasper." I don't turn when Edward calls out my name. "Come on, just let it go," he pleads, and the desperation in his voice causes me to glance at him. His face is contorted with sadness. Shit. Did I make him look that way? I don't care if all he wants is to be my friend. He's Edward. He still means everything to me, no matter his feelings on the subject.

"You can ride back to school with me, Edward," James cackles at my boy... friend. "I promise I won't ask you to suck my dick." He jabs that goddamn finger at me again. "Can't say the same for that one."

That's it. I'm about to go to jail. I'm going to kill this motherfucker. Before I have the chance to step forward, fists first, Edward jumps in front of me.

"The only dick I wanna suck is Jasper's," he tells James in a calm voice, and I choke on my own spit. Where in the fucking world did that come from? I fight back a strange, giddy laugh and grab his hand, tugging him back to me and out of the range of James' arms.

"Please, can we just go?" he asks, and I smile, nodding my head at him. He starts to walk away, never dropping my hand, and I'm whooping like an idiot on the inside. When I turn to follow him, I notice James grimacing at the two of us.

Asshole.

"Later, bitch," I sneer as I throw my arm over Edward's shoulders. Well, shit, I guess there's no denying I'm a gay man. That was a pretty fucking fantastic dramatic exit.

Edward lets out a deep breath when we round the corner, and I let out a chuckle to help relieve some of the tension from my body. I can't fucking believe Edward just said that. I lean toward him, whispering in his ear, "Who the fuck are you, and what have you done with my boyfriend?"

***~J~***

There is an almost discernible electricity inside Richard that neither of us are particularly acknowledging, buzzing like the steady hum of a neon sign, making me jumpier with each mile. My fingers itch with the desire to reach across the console and take his hand in mine, but I don't.

Edward seems really shaken by the whole confrontation with James, and I don't want our first time back to together to be overshadowed by that douche. Stupid James and his stupid fucking face, he had to ruin it all.

Right about now, we should have been laughing and talking, holding hands. We could have kissed by the car, but no! We didn't get to do any of that because James is... I trail off in my own thoughts, gritting my teeth to keep in any stray grunts or growls of anger.

Shaking my head to clear it, I take a deep breath to calm down. James is obviously still under my skin. Trying to distract myself, I speed up a bit, concentrating on the road. It takes everything in me not to stare only at Edward, but I don't want to crash Richard.

Also, looking at him makes me want to jump him. I don't want to do that, but, then, I do. I'm teetering on a thin line, and my ass is about to fall off one way or another. Coming up on a slow car, I put on my blinker, check my mirrors and change lanes. I catch Edward in my peripheral vision and watch him run his fingers through his hair.

Sweet baby Jesus, Edward is right fucking _there_!

He's so fucking close. I could lean over and lick him. Now, that is a mouthwatering thought. I wonder what Edward would do if I licked his face out of nowhere?

"Jasper," Edward calls out my name, breaking me out of my saliva covered thoughts. I turn down the radio.

"Yeah?"

"Are you okay?" he asks, shifting his body toward mine but still looking straight ahead.

"I'm fine. I mean, James is a cunt, but I already knew that," I tell him with a sigh. "How about you?" I ask, almost as an afterthought.

"What about me?" he questions, shaking his head. "Those things he was saying to you..."

"Edward," I interrupt.

"Yeah?"

"Those things, even though they were directed at me, include you," I point out. I cringe at my words. God, I have no fucking tact. Basically, I just called my boyfriend a fag. Super.

"Ass pirate?" Edward asks unexpectedly in a small voice.

"What?" I choke out, trying not to laugh.

"James said that."

"Did he? Seriously? What a fucking asstard."

"You didn't hear him?"

"God, Edward, at one point, I was thinking, 'don't punch him in the throat,' over and over again," I laugh. "I was trying so hard not to lose it that I guess I didn't hear some of his bullshit."

"Yeah, I could tell you were mad."

"Mad?" I scoff, shaking my head. "I wanted to rip his arms off, beat him with them and then shove them up his ass!"

He laughs lightly, nodding in agreement. He takes a deep breath. "Do you think a lot of people are going to be like that?"

"Like James?" I ask and he nods. "Honestly, I don't know how everyday life is going to go. A lot of people are assholes, though."

"That fucking sucks," he grumbles.

"Yeah, it's not going to be all rainbows and sunshine, but those other people, all the assfaces and d-bags, Edward, just don't matter. The only important people in our relationship are us."

"That was strangely insightful."

"I'm deep and shit," I tell him with a shrug. "That's just how I roll."

He laughs for only a moment. "I shouldn't have said you were my friend," he practically whispers.

"I'm still your friend," I point out, trying to get him to drop it. I meant it when I said the dick sucking comment made up for that slip of the tongue – let's just hope it wasn't Freudian. I fucking pay attention in psych class. I know what's up.

"You're more than my friend, Jasper," his says, his voice filled with conviction. "You're my boyfriend."

Smiling, I nod. "I am, but I'm still your friend. We can be both, Edward."

"Yeah?" he asks, giving me a crooked smile.

"Yeah," I repeat in confirmation. "We can be whatever the fuck we want," I continue, reaching across the console and lacing our fingers together.

***~J~***

"Well," I say as I open the door to the room. "Home sweet home."

Edward lets out a weird chuckle and walks to his bed, placing his duffel bag on the mattress. He plops down next to it with a sigh, running his fingers through his hair. "It seems smaller than I remember it," he comments, looking around the room. I make a small murmur in acknowledgment, but he doesn't look at me. I lean against the door, watching as he stealthy avoids my gaze.

"Edward."

"And, it smells funny. Did you leave something in the fridge?" he questions, getting off the bed only to walk over to the fucking tiny fridge. He squats in front of it with his back to me.

"Edward."

He makes a big deal of looking through the small, white Maytag for something rotten. "Edward," I say his name for the third time. "I know for a fact that there is exactly one can of root beer in there," I tell him with a smirk. It's so fucking obvious that he's nervous.

He pauses, his back ramrod straight. "Well, look at that, you're right," he mumbles, standing up to his full height. "That smell must..."

"It doesn't smell," I interrupt. "It doesn't smell, the room is the same size and everything is exactly as we left it."

"Right. I'm going to put my clothes away."

Chuckling to myself, I carelessly throw my bag onto my bed and gently set the ice chest down on the floor beside it. I turn back to Edward, finding him already refolding and putting away his t-shirts.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" he murmurs without turning around.

"Can you come here for a moment?" I ask.

"Uh, why?"

"I have something to show you," I tell him. "Please," I add.

He takes a deep breath, his shoulders rising and lowering dramatically. "Of course," he says before spinning around to face me. He crosses the small room in three steps. "What is it?" he asks.

I step up to him, cupping his face in my hands. "This," I say before pressing my lips to his.

* * *

**Do y'all feel as though I've cockblocked them again? Well, shit, get over it. lol. JK. I have my reasons. I do. I promise. Alright, I'm going to raise a challenge of sorts. I know a lot of people read and don't review. Hell, I do it, too. The challenge, though, is - if you read this chapter, leave a review. It's simple. If ATD gets over 1,500 reviews with this chapter, I will add another outtake chappie to Intangibilities. I think it's one hell of a deal. **

**Links for Twitter and the thread on my profile. Come say hi. Don't be scared. **

**Also, Who dat! Go Saints. lol. **

**Review. It makes the boys very, very happy.**


	19. Edward & the Eyebrow Scar

**So, hello again, sweet people. This is a week late -- sorry. I've been sickly. Plus, I think it's pretty good that for the most part I update every week. I try. I also have this pesky RL, though. It can get in the way. LOL. **

**First things first, WOW! I thought, let me just put a goal of reviews up, not thinking it was going to happen, and y'all blew past what I threw out there. Kudos. Now, just to clear up, that was not me cockblocking y'all for more reviews. I wanted the kiss to be in EPOV. THAT was the reason I did it. Also, it wasn't a dis at ppl who always review. Trust me, I appreciate each one of you. I kept my promise, though, and the new chapter of Intangibilities has been posted. :) Read. Enjoy. **

**Thanks to all my WC, Thread and Twitter people. Big thanks, as always, to Sarah aka PhoenixRising25. She puts up with me. She's awesome. **

**Twilight? Not mine.**

* * *

"Well," Jasper drawls out as he turns the knob to our room. He holds the door open, motioning for me to go in first. "Home sweet home."

I make some sort of noise in acknowledgment and walk to my bed, throwing my bag on the mattress. Sitting down, I run my fingers through my hair in a nervous manner. God. This is weirder than I thought it would be. I don't know what to say now that we're back in the room together. What does he expect? Is he going to kiss me? Will he want to do more than kissing? I mean, I think I might be okay with more, but I'm not sure.

Obviously, Jasper is no virgin. Is he going to want to wait for me? Should we just have sex, and I can go ahead and get it over with? Then, though, when we have sex, who goes where?

I'm not a total idiot. I understand sex. I watched a good bit of porn over break, so I've got a handle of gay sex, as well. It's just that... when we round home... um... who's going to pitch, and who's going to catch?

God, I hate that analogy. I fucking can't stand baseball, but I bet Jasper would look nice in tight, white pants with those tall socks...

Shaking my head to clear that thought, I take a deep breath. It's so quiet in here. I'm about to lose my mind. Why isn't Jasper saying anything? Isn't the silence ridiculously fucking... _loud_ to him, too?

Someone has to say _something_.

"It seems smaller than I remember it," I mumble out loud, immediately regretting it.

_So fucking dumb, Edward._

Jasper responds, saying something I can't really hear, but I don't look over. I don't have to. I can_ feel _his eyes on me. I don't know what to do, though. What's he going to want me to do? What do I want to do?

"Edward."

"And, it smells funny," I blurt out the first thing that pops into my head. "Did you leave something in the fridge?" I question, continuing on with my stupid statement I walk over to the small refrigerator which normally just holds drinks, and I squat down, opening it.

"Edward."

I pretend not to hear him, pantomiming moving items around like I'm looking for something. Shit, that would help if there was actually something fucking in here! God, I'm going to look like an idiot when I pull my head out of this Maytag.

"Edward, I know for a fact that there is exactly one can of root beer in there," Jasper tells me smugly, and I wince. In the uncomfortable moments that follow, I tighten the muscles in my back, tensing up.

"Well, look at that, you're right," I mumble after a moment. "That smell must..."

"It doesn't smell," he interrupts. "It doesn't smell, the room is the same size and everything is exactly as we left it."

"Right," I mutter, completely embarrassed. "I'm going to put my clothes away."

Jasper moves across the room to his bed, finally placing that damn ice chest down on the ground. He's been fucking holding it since we got out the car. He's being a bit obsessive with those stupid leftovers. I unzip my bag, and of course, all of my clothes are rumpled. Just my luck. I start taking out t-shirts and refolding them before putting them in their drawers.

"Edward?"

"Hmm?" I murmur, feeling obligated to acknowledge him this time. It's only like the fortieth time he's said my name since we entered the dorm. God, I wish I was better at this.

"Can you come here for a moment?" Jasper asks.

"Uh, why?"

"I have something to show you," he tells me, adding, "please," in a begging tone.

Taking a deep breath, I answer, "Of course." I walk over to him. "What is it?"

Jasper gives me a small smile, his eyes locked on my lips. My tongue feels heavy in my mouth, bursting with anticipation. He steps closer to me, cupping my cheeks in his palms. "This," he murmurs, pressing his lips to mine.

Groaning lightly, I close my eyes, loving the feel of his soft full lips against mine. Jasper has the prettiest mouth. I've never seen anyone with lips like him. When he grins at me, I feel like I'm losing my mind. He drives me crazy.

I run my tongue along his lip, trying to deepen the kiss, and Jasper pulls aways, pecking me deeply once more on the lips. He kisses my cheek, moving his lips toward my ear. "Just relax," he whispers. "Go with the flow." He pulls away, smiling sweetly at me, and I nod.

"Okay," I reply, looking into his eyes. He smiles at me and nuzzles my nose with his, letting out a happy sigh. He presses his lips to mine again, taking my bottom lip between his, so I concentrate on his top lip. We switch lips every now and then, and it feels good, natural.

Eventually, he opens his mouth wider, so I follow his lead, moaning when his tongue darts into my mouth. He flicks it slowly with mine, and I do the same thing, tasting him fully. He tastes like spearmint and peanut butter. Those things should not taste good together, but on him, it does. He's delicious.

I never really liked kissing Bella. It was just something it seemed like I had to do, but I really fucking enjoy kising Jasper. I_ really_ fucking enjoy it.

The little noises he makes, the way he runs his fingers through my hair, the feel of his strong arms around me – it all feels so right. Jasper is right for me, and that makes things a lot easier to deal with. I'm just going through so much right now, so many things are happening or changing. It's overwhelming, but he grounds me. Jasper keeps me sane.

Most of the time, that is. I pretty much lost my head when I blurted out that dick statement to James. Shit, I'm not ready to do that. I mean, the idea is very appealing, but I'm kinda scared I'd bite him or something.

I just hope that the way I dealt with James doesn't come back to haunt me.

***~E~***

Making my way across campus, I bob and weave through the throng of students to make it to my first class of the new semester. I can't believe it's already my second semester of college. That's crazy, but this year so far has blown by. Unfortunately, the weekend holed up in the dorm with Jasper blew by, as well.

After my awkward moments in the dorm that I spent staring the refrigerator, Jasper kissed me, and it was pretty cool.

"Watch where you're going!" a girl screeches at me when I run face first into her backpack, apparently causing her to drop her coffee on the ground. I mumble out an apology and scurry around her, trying to ignore the burn of her glare on the back of my head.

Shit, I just totally space-walked right into that girl. Note to self, it's not safe to walk and think about Jasper... especially not his lips and the way he wields them...

Shaking my head to clear that thought, I look around, pleased to find that I didn't cause any further bodily harm. Jasper should have come with a warning sign: Will Cause Daydreams and Ensuing Destruction.

Laughing at my own joke and the robot voice I used while saying it, I finally make it to the building that's housing my Political Science class. Since it's one of the gen ed classes, it's in a pretty large lecture hall. I hate this moment; the one where you have to pick a seat in a room of two hundred strangers. I scout out the rows near the front, wanting to be close, but not close enough to be considered nerdy.

Not really wanting to participate in the awkward scooting by process that comes with the territory of stadium seating, I luck out on a nearly empty row, situating myself where there are four empty seats on either side of me.

Checking my watch, I realize I made it here quicker than I assumed I would, and I have about five minutes before the class is scheduled to start. That means, I have plenty of time to think about Jasper, without the possibility of running over someone.

_Jasper._

Just his name makes me smile, but now I have all of him to smile over.

Wow.

What a weird fucking thing to think. I sound like some sort of creepy, sexual predator. I guess that means I've got it bad. At least, I hope that's what it means...

We hung out all weekend, just the two of us. We talked and laughed and played video games. I mean, we did other things – like making out, and we made out a lot! Plus, Jasper was always touching me - his hands on my arms, his fingers in my hair, his leg pressed against mine as I kicked his ass in Modern Warfare 2. It was nice. It pretty much felt like normal, though, but you know, with the kissing and touching added in. Does that sum up a gay relationship? You're like best friends but you kiss and do other stuff?

I mean, that's what it seems like so far.

Not that we're doing all that other stuff yet, though. An image of Jasper sucking my cock runs through my mind, and I almost immediately have to cross my leg to conceal my hard on. Damn it, my body cannot be fucking trusted. One thought of Jasper, and I'm visually molesting the room.

When he actually does that...

Oh man, I'm going to look like such an inexperienced retard. I don't know what to do or what to say. Anytime Jasper has said anything remotely sexual to me since we've gotten back, my hands would get clammy and my heart beat would pick up. I wonder if he knows how much control he has over my involuntary bodily functions?

Involuntarily bodily functions?

_Wow. _

What a way to turn a phrase, Edward...

Turn a phrase?

_Wow. Again._

Am I fucking eighty years old?

Chuckling, my thoughts turn back to Jasper. It was good to have all that Jasper and Edward time, though. We barely left the dorms all weekend, relishing in the fact that we were back together. I missed him more than I thought I would, more than I ever realized that I would.

When I say we barely left, I mean we only went to the bathroom down the hall and then, immediately came back to the room. We would have starved to death. Moreover, I would have starved to death, but Jasper shared his mom's leftovers with me. He was hesitant about it, too. I could tell.

As he put it himself, he's a greedy dick with his mama's food.

I guess that really shows how much he likes me. He's definitely not going to let just anyone eat his cherished leftovers. After having her cooking, I do understand, though. It was fucking amazing. I seriously hope I get some more of her cooking in the future. It'd be nice to even have it first hand, piping hot out of the oven. God, my mouth is watering at the thought.

The best part was the pie. Not only was it the most fuckawesome pecan pie I'd ever eaten, but it was also when Jasper asked me out on a date.

He seemed almost nervous, but like I would seriously tell him no. I mean, we are already boyfriends. I guess we're just doing it a little backwards. Then again, we already live together, so I guess we're doing it all really fucking backwards.

He asked me to go to dinner with him Wednesday night, followed up by a surprise. Begging him didn't do me any good, so I tried kissing the answer out of him. Needless to say, Jasper is a tough nut to crack. I still have no idea what we're doing.

A backpack lands on the ground with a loud thump, distracting me from my post asked out haze. My eyes widen in disbelief when a body falls into the seat next to mine a second later. There are like a hundred empty chairs in here. Why is this stranger sitting right next to me? Don't the same rules for the movie theater apply here? I sure wouldn't saddle up next to someone in the newest Clooney fic in a half-full theater. There are social norms that everyone follows. What is wrong with this person?

I glance down at the floor, finding gold shoes, like those flat ones that Alice wears. So, the stranger is female. Clearing my throat, I shift my body away from her and dig in my backpack for a notebook and pen.

"I heard the professor has an obvious tic in his eye," the girl whispers to me like we're friends. "It causes the whole left side of his face to move."

My lip pulls up subconsciously at her words. Who says things like that to strangers? As secretly as I can, I sneak a peek a look at her out of the corner of my eye.

What the fuck?

My head spins in her direction.

"Hi, Edward," Victoria says with a smirk, waggling her fingers at me in some sort of disjointed wave. Why is she sitting next to me? Has James already told her about what happened at the airport Saturday?

"I heard what happened at the airport," she announces nonchalantly.

Well, shit, she gets right to the point.

"Uh..." I mumble, not sure what to say. Luckily, I'm saved by the professor clomping to the front of the room. He slams his book down on the podium, surprising half the class. One girl lets out a startled squeak. Ooh, I bet she's fucking embarrassed.

"Edward," Victoria whispers my name, and I shake my head, motioning toward the front of the room as the professor starts talking.

Between his very visible eye tic that Victoria mentioned and to the fact that Victoria herself is sitting next to me, I can barely pay attention to his lecture about quizzes and tardies. Not like I really want to pay attention to the required first day of class bullshit, anyway, but that's beside the point.

About every five minutes or so, I can feel Victoria's eyes on me, and each time, I push my body further into the arm rail. After fifteen minutes, I know my ribs are going to be bruised tomorrow. I should have gotten up and just moved chairs, but the professor's eye was also kind of lazy.

I swear, he was always watching me – ALWAYS.

Luckily, since it was the first day, about twenty minutes after he passed out the syllabus, we were free to leave. I didn't even bother putting my shit into my backpack. I just picked it up and ran from the room, not looking back.

As I speed walk away, I can hear someone following me, the slapping on their shoes hot on my trail, but I don't turn around.

"EDWARD!" Victoria yells my name right before she makes contact with my bicep, gripping my arm hard. God, she's fucking strong. Taking a deep breath, I stop trying to escape, and she moves in front of me. "What the fuck?" she asks, slightly out of breath.

"I have to get to my next class."

"You fucking ran!" she exclaims, making her hand zip back and forth between us. Apparently, that's how you pantomime running. Who knew I was going to learn something new on the first day?

"You didn't have to chase after me," I explain, trying not to roll my eyes. I shake her hand off my arm.

She glares at me. "You knew I wanted to talk to you!"

"Yeah, well, I didn't really want to talk to you," I snap back.

She brings her pointer fingers to her temples, rubbing small circles on the pressure points. "I'm not James, Edward, alright? I definitely don't think or feel the way he does."

"You haven't been exactly nice to me before, though," I point out.

"That's true," she murmurs. "Well, shit, alright, let my clarify then, I'm not saying I'm nice, but I'm not a dick like James."

"Please, get to the point, Victoria."

"Jasper is my friend," she states evenly.

I nod. "He's still the same person," I spit out.

She smiles, and I'm surprised at how non-harpy like she can actually look. "I know that, Edward. I just saw you in class, and I wanted to tell you that not everyone is going to react like James. I didn't want to just go up to Jasper on campus because I know that he would overreact."

"Jasper..."

She holds her hands up, interrupting me. "He'd make an ass out of himself and me just because of James. Don't tell me that I'm wrong."

I consider her words. More than likely, Jasper would do just that. He easily jumps to conclusions. "You're probably right," I admit.

"I'm completely right," she continues smugly.

I check my watch. "Right. Well, I gotta go." I push past her, rolling my eyes at this entire production.

"Edward," she calls out my name, and I reluctantly spin around. "I know you don't like me very much, and God knows, I'm not your biggest fan. I mean you act all innocent and unaware, making everyone fall for you with your puppy dog eyes..."

"Victoria!"

"What?" she snaps.

"Get to your point," I growl out.

"Oh, yeah, even though we don't like each other, I could tell from the beginning that Jazz really liked you. Now, that's he gay and all, I imagine you make him happy. Don't fuck it up."

"That's the last thing I'd want to do," I tell her honestly, spinning on my toes to continue down the hallway. With a sigh, I stop and pinch the bridge of my nose between my fingers, turning back to her. "Uh, Victoria?"

She looks up. "Yeah."

"Thanks."

She nods, flashing me a quick smile, and I return her actions before once again turning and trying to make it out of this fucking hallway as quick as I can.

***~E~***

"What do you feel like eating?" Jasper asks as we walk out to his car Wednesday night. He smiles at me and runs to my side, opening the door for me. I narrow my eyes at him. "What?" he asks innocently.

"I can open my car door."

"Chivalry is not dead, Edward," he retorts, placing his hand over his heart like he's offended. I fight the urge to roll my eyes.

"Okay, then," I say after a moment, and a smirk plays across my lips. I push the unlock button on Jasper's Honda and walk around to the driver's side, opening his door for him.

I channel Vanna White with a smile, showcasing his seat. He laughs out loud before he starts to round the front of the car to get to the driver's side. I meet him in the middle. Grinning, he leans forward and kisses me once on the lips.

"Thanks for opening my door," he whispers with a wink before he continues to the driver's side. He hops in before I even move, honking the horn and scaring the shit out of me. "Get in the car!" he yells through his laughter, and I flip him off before I walk to the passenger side and climb in.

"Ready?" he asks after I buckle my seat belt, but I just cross my arms over my chest, staring forward. He makes some kind of snorting noise. "Now, come on, don't be like that," he urges in an overly sweet tone. With as much maturity as I possess, I roll my eyes.

"Rolling your eyes?" he remarks. "Seriously?"

He grins then sticks out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout. "Shee mah fruckin' lip," he slurs out, never unpouting, causing him to have a crazy lisp. "You can't besh mad," he continues, and I scoff, trying to disguise my laughter.

He smiles. "Ah, see there, I_ knew_ you weren't mad!" He sticks his lip out again. "Givesh mah a kish!"

Turning to him, my eyes drop to his full lips, giving me an idea. With a deep breath, I lean over the console, sucking his bottom lip into my mouth. I tug playfully at it with my teeth, causing Jasper to growl out in surprise.

"Mm... God, Edward," he gasps after I release his lip from my teeth. He rubs his bottom lip with his finger. Oh, shit -- I hurt him!

"I'm sor.." He quickly presses the finger that was just touching his mouth against mine, silencing me.

"Do not fucking apologize," he tells me. "That was fantastic!"

"Really?" I question.

"Mm hmm," he murmurs, staring at my mouth. His finger trails softly over my lips, applying pressure at random intervals. "You know what could make it better, though?" he asks me, never removing his eyes from my lips.

The moment my mouth opens to ask him what, his finger slips along the edge of the inside my lips. He lifts his eyes to my face. "Lick it, Edward. Lick it and make it all better," he says, pouting his lip back out. He moves the hand on my mouth to my cheek and pulls me to him. I eagerly close the distance, and when I'm in licking distance, I stick out my tongue and run it along the expanse of pink flesh.

He makes a groaning noise and closes his lips around my tongue, capturing it in his mouth. He moves his lips up and down my tongue for a moment before smiling and crashing his lips to mine. I lose myself in his kiss, forgetting to breath and then gasping for air. When I let my head fall back, searching for oxygen, Jasper forges on, kissing and nipping at my jaw before moving his lips down my neck.

"Oh, god," I hiss, threading my fingers into his hair. His lips move to the collar of my striped button up, but he merely pushes it aside. He bites softly at the juncture of my neck and shoulder.

"Jasper!"

He kisses his bite mark and removes his hands from my body, reattaching them to the steering wheel. I fall back into my seat with a groan, and Jasper looks over at me with a wide grin. "What cha feel like eating?" he casually asks me, and when all I can do is exhale loudly, he winks. "Thai it is then," he says with a laugh, puting his car in reverse and speeding out of the parking lot.

By the time my breathing has regulated, we are already off campus, and Jasper is singing along to the radio like nothing happened. Which is fucking ridiculous. I've still got the hard-on to prove a little more than something happened!

"God, I love this band," Jasper finally stops singing along to tell me. "Do you like them?"

Apparently, I've been to dazed to hear the music filling the car, so I take a moment to listen, happy to find White Denim playing. "Yeah, this is a great band," I agree.

"I'm glad you think so," Jasper muses, "because we're going to see them – tonight."

"Are you serious?" I question, and he nods. "Shit. That's awesome, Jasper!"

He laughs out loud, a full smile gracing his face when he glances at me before concentrating on the road. "I'm glad you think so, Edward. I really want tonight to be special."

"Wow. You're such a romantic, Jasper," I remark, fluttering my eyelashes at him playfully.

He smirks and slaps me lightly on the chest. "Shut the fuck up."

I laugh, smiling at him as he turns up the music, and I nod along until the moment we arrive at the restaurant.

Once inside and seated, we order our drinks and our meals, grinning at each other once the waitress walks away. Jasper's stare is intense and never wavering, and I continually break it, bashfully glancing down back at the table to maintain my composure.

"Soo..." he starts, trailing off, and I fidget in my seat.

"Soo..." I mimic him, causing him to let out a quick bark of laughter.

"This shouldn't be so fucking awkward," he snickers. "It's not like this is a blind date."

"No, but it is our first date," I tell him with a small smile.

He gives me a wide close-lipped grin. "The first of many if I have anything to say about it."

"You think I'm going to want to go on another date with you?" I question.

He gives me an exaggerated nod. "You're going to want to go on a fuckton of dates with me, boy. I'm the motherfuckin' shit."

"Ok, well, what does that make me, a toilet?" I question, arching my brow.

He laughs as he grabs a spring roll and dips it into the sauce. "Way to make it disgusting, Edward," he says with a grimace right before he stuffs the whole thing into his mouth. "It's like yoush got nosh manners," he continues with a mouth full of food, and I shake my head, laughing along with his antics.

He swallows and takes a gulp of his water. After he places his glass down and wipes his napkins across his face, he rubs his hands together like his task has been completed. He smirks. "Ice officially broken, I'd say."

I reach for a spring roll, nodding my head. "I think you're right," I say with a laugh before I take a bite.

"So," Jasper starts with a smile, "I never asked what you got for Christmas."

"Umm..." I mumble, tensing up. "I got... this... uh... stethoscope."

"Yeah?" he questions, furrowing his brow. "Are you okay, Edward?"

"I'm fine," I reply, shaking my head in contradiction to my answer. "It's just that it was from my mom, and it's kinda hard to talk about."

"Oh," he simply states. "You can, though," he tells me after a moment.

"I can what?"

"You can talk about it," he clarifies. "I'd listen."

"Thanks, Jasper," I say with a small smile. "I appreciate that." Taking a deep breath, I change the subject, "I saw that guitar you brought back, and I haven't even asked about it. Is that what you got?"

"Yeah," he says with a grin. "My mom gave it to me. I used to have a guitar back in Texas, but I haven't picked one up in years. I guess she thought it was time for me to try again."

"That's really nice."

"Yeah, I used to love playing. It was like an escape, ya know?"

"From your father?" I whisper, and he visibly cringes. "Jasper, I'm sorr..."

He raises his hand, cutting off my second apology of the night. He chuckles humorlessly. "This conversation just got real heavy real fast. Let's, uh, talk about something else, okay?" His blue-gray eyes plead with me to move on, and I give him a half smile, silently acknowledging his request.

"Tell me about your sister," I prompt.

"Rosalie's a fucking ball breaker," he laughs. "I swear, she'll tear you a new one with her scary fucking long nails if you so much as look at her the wrong way."

"Well... umm... she sounds... sweet," I mumble, trying to find the least rude response.

"She can be when she wants something," he tells me, watching my face and obviously finding amusement at my shocked expression. He chuckles. "I'm exaggerating, Edward. I mean, she can be the biggest asshole around, but she's my asshole. She's pretty fucking cool."

"She's your asshole?" I repeat, laughing. "Wow. Eloquent."

"Yeah, yeah," he mutters, swirling his noodles around his chopsticks and taking a big bite. He chews and swallows before continuing. "She really is cool. For a long time, it was just the three of us, so we really relied on each other. My mom and Rose mean the fucking world to me."

"Family is important," I muse, poking at my chicken. I shake off the sudden wave of sadness that rushes over me, stuffing a large piece of my dinner into my mouth. Once I finally manage to chew it up enough so that it's easily digested, I swallow, lifting my eyes. Jasper is staring at me with a thoughtful expression painted across his face.

"Edward, I need to tell you something, but I'm not sure how you're going to take it," Jasper says softly after a moment, and my shoulders automatically tense then drop in worry.

I glance back at the table, taking a deep breath and looking back up. "What is it?" I question, trying to keep my voice from wavering.

He exhales loudly. "It's just that... you... I don't know how to say this, but you... shit..." he pounds his fist on the table dramatically as his eyes shoot up to the ceiling.

"WHAT?" I practically scream.

He looks back at me and leans across the table. "Edward," he starts again. "You've got... rice... on your chin." He lifts one eyebrow and then bursts out laughing.

"Dick," I sputter as I wipe the offending piece of rice from my face.

He laughs harder. "What?"

I fight the smile forming on my face, but I can't. "You made me think you were going to tell me something horrible!" I exclaim.

"What did you think I was going to say?"

"I don't know," I mumble. "That you didn't want to be with me or something..." I trail off, looking away.

"Edward," he calls out my name, the laughter gone from his voice. When I don't look at him, he tries again, and I turn my face to his. He reaches across the table, covering his hand with mine. My eyes immediately drop to where we're connected, elated and terrified by this new development.

_He's holding my hand – in public._

I try to sneak a glance to make sure no one is watching us before lifting my eyes to his. "Listen, man, I want to be with you... a lot, like a fucking lot! Ok? You can't think shit like that because, Edward, I really like you. I know I'm your first boyfriend, and this is all new shit you're dealing with, but you gotta remember that you're my first boyfriend, too. I'm trying my best."

He lets out a loud huff of air, shaking his head. He looks at where our hands are joined, lacing his fingers over mine, and I smile, watching him watch us holding hands. "I think you're doing a good job," I tell him with a small shrug, and he looks back up at me. "I mean, you're the best boyfriend I've ever had."

He finally laughs once more, breaking the reflective moroseness of a few moments ago. "There was some tough competition in that category, too," he jokes.

"I can't help it that I'm popular," I tease with a smile.

He shakes his head, chuckling. "No, you can't help it that you're so fucking hot," he replies.

"Ah, yes, when you've got it, you've got it."

"I think you've been hanging out with me too much," he retorts, rolling his eyes.

"Well, you're wrong on that point because there is no such thing as too much time with you," I say, immediately blushing at my blunt honesty.

He smiles. "There it is," he muses. "I do love the way you blush."

"Uh..." I mumble, not sure what to say to that, but luckily for me, I spot the waitress walking toward us. I remove my hand from under Jasper's and reach out for the check.

His smile falls slightly, but he recovers quickly, reaching out and snatching the bill from my hand. "I got this, Edward," he tells me.

I nod because he really does have it, more than I think he even realizes.

***~E~***

Laughing, Jasper closes the door behind us. He brings his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he directs at me.

"WHAT?" I ask, realizing after I say it how loud I'm being. I can't hear, though. We were by the stage, right next to the speakers, and it was fucking amazing. It was also really loud. My ears are fucking ringing.

It was worth it, though. The band was great, and the place was packed. Jasper ended up squished behind me, but I would never complain about that. He wrapped his arms around my waist as the band played, his front pressed firmly against my back. I could feel the music blasting out of the speakers, and I could feel all of his body. It was an awesome experience.

Jasper snickers, covering his mouth with his hand. "You are being SO fucking loud!" His words come out all muffled, like he's underwate, and I can barely hear him. Shit, I had to practically read his lips to understand what he just said.

He quirks his head at me like he's expecting me to respond.

"MY EARS ARE RINGING," I tell him, and he bites his lip to keep from laughing more. It doesn't work. His face is red and tears are streaming down his cheeks. I really don't see what's so funny. It doesn't seem fair that he's not having the same problem as I am. He was as fucking close to the speakers as I was!

"WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU LAUGH..." His hand covers my mouth, stifling my question.

"Stop," he tells me, emphasizing the word with his mouth. I can't take my eyes off the way his lips press together with the simple command, turning white for a moment before the blood returns, bringing back the rich redness of his mouth. He always looks like he just took a bite out of a plum. It looks... juicy.

"I LIKE YOUR MOUTH," I blurt out, and my eyes immediately widen at my gall.

He smiles, saying something else that I just can't hear before his lips crash into mine. I gasp in surprise, and Jasper uses it as his opportunity to thrust his tongue into my mouth, kissing me hard. Groaning in pleasure, I kiss him back. I love the way this feels

Walking us backwards to his bed, he falls onto the mattress. I watch him as he kicks off his boots and socks before relaxing back on his pillow. My emotions run haywire -- fear, anticipation, desire and need all crashing together to create an incredibly stressful moment for me.

Jasper smiles softly up at me, seemingly reading every single feeling coursing through my body. He pats the bed before reaching out for me. I place my hand in his, toe off my shoes and let him pull me to the bed. We lay side by side, not speaking... just looking.

I watch the way his eyes flick over my face, the way his nostrils flare with every breath he takes. I notice that when he runs his fingers through his hair, he tugs on the end of his curls every time. He has three freckles on his left cheek and two on his nose. His lips periodically curl into a wicked smile, and I can't help but think it happens subconsciously, the prankster unknowingly revealing his true self. He has two slightly crooked teeth on the bottom, but they're perfectly straight and white on top.

There is also a tiny, white scar in the middle of his right eyebrow, and I lift my fingers to it, tracing it in thought.

"Rose," he tells me, saying more things after that, but my hearing hasn't exactly returned to normal.

"WHAT?"

He chuckles, mouthing, "tomorrow," at me.

Smiling, I nod, letting my fingers graze down from his eyebrow to his right cheek, dipping into the dimple that forms when he gives me that beautiful, wide smile. I continue to his jaw, tracing the sharp edge up again to his ear and then back to his cheek.

He covers my hand that's cupping his cheek with his, and I smile, watching the way our fingers immdiately mesh together. Closing my eyes and steeling my resolve, I scoot my head forward on the pillow until our lips meet. Though, I technically initiated our first kiss, Jasper has been making all the moves since then, and I need to show him how much I want this, as well.

He lets out a content sigh before moving his lips slowly with mine. There is no rush, and the laziness of it all suits the mood perfectly. Never taking my hand from his cheek, I let him take the lead, and I try to catch all the little things that he does, that he likes.

Eventually, his mouth moves down my neck to my collarbone, kissing until the fabric of my shirt completely obstructs him from his task. His hands find the top fastened button as his eyes search mine for permission. I smile, and he returns it, popping open that top button and then each one below it until my shirt is pushed back, exposing my chest to his hungry eyes.

I fight the urge to cover myself; I feel naked under his gaze. He lifts his eyes to mine, though, and I can see the excitement there, the desire. He moves his hands to my stomach, pressing his flat palms against my skin, causing my muscles to twitch involuntarily.

I lick my lips, wanting more but not sure how to say it. He smiles at me before his mouth finds mine again, this time more urgent and forceful. I open my mouth to him and our tongues meet in the middle, finding common ground. My hands drift down his back, slipping under his shirt in search of the hidden skin, causing him to moan into the kiss.

Tugging lightly on the bottom of his shirt, I silently ask permission to remove it, and he hesitates for a moment before using one hand to whip it off over his head.

Well, I have to say that move is pretty impressive...

When his chest is completely exposed, he looks up at me, his eyes softer than I have ever seen them. My eyes drift to his chest and his nipples, down to the hard planes of his stomach, from his bellybutton to the trail of hair that disappears into his jeans. I frown when my eyes make their way back up, noticing the intricate scars that cascade over his right shoulder and down to his sternum. I've seen his scars before, but never so close up. It's sickening. I trace the evidence of the horrible things he has endured, resting my hand upon his heart.

I open my mouth to speak, to curse his fucking father, but he shakes his head, removing one of his hands from my body to cover my hand over his heart. I'm amazed once again at the way our fingers twine together, such a simple action that is anything but simple. It's everything.

He closes his eyes, resting his forehead against mine, and I let out a small sigh, trying to let go of the anger at his father that is pumping through my veins. He pulls back, searching my face for something, and I smile at him, hoping to give him whatever he's looking for. He doesn't break his gaze as he pushes my shirt off my shoulders and down my arms until we are both topless.

He runs his tongue over his top lip, and it spurs me on, pushing me to reconnect our lips. Our hands roam over the now exposed skin, learning the feel of each other's body. I love the feeling of his hands on me almost as much as I enjoy being able to touch him. It's incredibly powerful, knowing that you have free reign over someone else's body. It's the most intimate moment of my life, and I was not expecting it be so overwhelming.

Sooner than I like or want, Jasper pulls away, resting his cheek on top of my head. Following his lead once more, I let my temple fall to his shoulder, and he pulls me in closer, hugging me tight. It feels so nice, so right, and I'm incredibly happy.

I close my eyes, allowing myself to trust Jasper enough to fall asleep in his arms, and there is only one thought that runs through my mind before sleep takes me – I want more.

* * *

**Well, whaddya think? I'm curious to know. **

**Oh, btw, I got some anon reviews last chapter that I would have loved to respond to. This time, please, leave your email address or log-in. If not, I might turn them off. I've left them on because it's never been a thing before this, but I hate not being able to respond. :)**

**Also, the Slash Awards are going on. Please visit www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)come to nom your faves. There are a lot of fun categories, and a lot of people that get looked over for the most part. They'd be soo excited. :)**

**Review. It makes me happy, and I've been so sickly, I could really use a dose of happy. Alright, going to PTFO now. Seriously.**


	20. Jasper & Tanya Wit De Big Tits

**Um, so, hi! *waves* Did you miss me? Are you in shock? Are you angry that it took so long for me to post? I know, I know... it's been too long. There were RL things and there were writer's block maybe issues. Blerg, I don't really have an excuse. I do have an update, though, and I hope you like it. **

**Thanks to Sarah aka PhoenixRising25 for beta'ing this last minute. Also, thank to y'all's patience.**

**I don't own Twilight. That is pretty obvious.**

* * *

Glancing at the time on my cell phone, I decide to run down the stairs instead of waiting for the elevator. That thing is slow as motherfuckin' molasses, and my first Tuesday/Thursday history class starts in fifteen minutes – all the way across the damn campus. Plus, our dorm is only on the fourth floor. If I can't make it down four flights of steps, something is seriously wrong with me.

Running past the front desk, I lift my chin at Jimmy, my RA. He nods back, so I think we're good – no conversation needed. Then, of course, he talks to me.

"What's happening, Jasper?"

"Not much, man," I say back to him, shuffling from foot to foot. I really have got to go. He grins at me, and I notice the change in his hair. "It's brown," I comment. I mentally smack myself in the head. I don't have time for motherfucking hair-do conversations. What is wrong with me?

"What's brown?" he asks, furrowing his brow together.

"Your hair," I laugh, continuing the conversation. God, I guess I'm stuck until I get an out. "It was blue before break," I add.

"Yeah, well, a month with my mother will do this to you," he says with a grimace, running his fingers through his short brown _normal_ hair.

"I'm thinking of dying it bright red, though." He chuckles.

"Red will be good on you," I reply with a nod.

"So, Jasper, is everything cool, man?" he questions.

"What do you mean?" I ask, wishing I was wearing a watch. That would be less obvious than me pulling my cell out of my pocket to check the time.

"Well, before break you seemed to be having a hard time, and you appear to be in better spirits now." He smiles. "I take it everything is good?"

"Things have honestly never been better," I say with a smirk. Edward, my boyfriend, I add silently to myself, has made it all better.

"I'm glad to hear that."

Jimmy really is a nice guy, but I don't have time for the small talk. I make a note to talk to him the next time I see him. "Thanks, man, but I gotta go… class and shit."

He salutes me with two fingers. "Later."

"Bye, Jimmy," I reply before I run out the door.

My legs are burning when I finally make it to my class with about thirty seconds to spare. I'm also breathing heavy which is a pretty big fucking wake up that I need to get back in the gym and start my workout routine again. As much as I love my mama's cooking, a month of it combined with sheer laziness is just not a good combination. Last thing I want is to get all flabby. I want to look good for Edward... and myself, of course.

Grabbing the first available desk, I slide into the seat and get out my binder and pen. About three seconds after me, the professor waltzes in and takes his place behind the podium. I've never had this dude before, but I've heard he's a pain in the ass. He clears his throat obnoxiously to quiet the already nearly silent room. He grants us a smarmy smile that's almost completely covered by his Santa Claus mustache and beard. Ho, Ho, Ho... it's history time. I bite my lip to keep from snickering out loud to my dumb joke.

"Welcome to History 306: The Russian Revolution. I'm Dr. Watts," he starts, roving his eyes over the entire room. "We're going to cover a lot of ground this semester, culminating in a group project that you will present as part of your final. This will be 50% of your grade in my class, so I suggest you take it seriously."

You can feel the collective silent groans from the students. We're not freshmen, though, so we keep our mouths shut.

"So serious, in fact, that I expect you to work on it the entire semester," he tells us with a nod. "Starting today."

Was this guy fucking serious? It's the first day of class, and we're already getting group assignments? That is _just_ perfect. Ridiculous. That's it – he's officially Dr. Twat. It's not my fault. He did it to himself.

"There will be three to a group," he continues, oblivious to the unhappy students shifting in their seats. One person raises their hand, and Dr. Twat glances up, practically snarling. " You have a question?"

"Uh, yeah, I was just... um..." a lanky boy starts, but he's quickly interrupted.

"Sometime today!" Dr. Twat yells out, causing the girl next to me to jump in her seat.

"Do we get to pick... our group partners?" the boy finishes in a much softer voice.

Dr. Twat actually laughs at him. He's a fucking dick.

"Never," he sneers. "I've already picked your groups and your topics. I suggest you write it down and get the phone numbers of the people in your group. You will need to meet outside of class. Listen for your name and raise your hand when you hear it, so your group members will know who you are."

With that, he starts calling out names in groups of three, but I space out and think about Edward. The weekend was fantastic, catching up and pretty much isolating ourselves in the dorm room. Not that I minded, really.

We didn't even go to the caf, polishing off my ice chest of leftovers that my mom packed. It was almost painful watching him take out two slices of her famous pecan pie, but I handled it like a man. Plus, he looked fucking sexy eating and moaning over every bite. He was getting me hard breakfast, lunch and dinner. I hid that from him, though. If he only knew how much he affected my body.

Edward has control over me. That's a hard thing to admit because I have got some control issues that stem back to my father. God, you'd think with the way I talk that I live in a psychiatrist's chair, talking about my daddy issues. I haven't been to a counselor since I was 16, though. It doesn't take a doctorate to realize my dad fucked me up.

It's stupid to think about that, now. I'm moving on, and I've never been better. Edward and I are even going out on a date tomorrow night – which is going to rock. I'm still pretty nervous about it, though. I'm excited, of course, but I really want to show him a good time. I just don't want to go overboard.

I'm not really the flowers and chocolate kind of guy, but then, I've never really dated. I guess I don't know what type of guy I am. Maybe, I'm some closeted romantic, and I'll woo Edward until he's a big pile of goo. That's how that shit works, right?

The thing is, neither of us have vaginas, and we don't need all that estrogen-laced romance. I doubt he wants me to stand outside his window with Peter Gabriel pumping out of a boom box. Well, John Cusack was kinda badass doing that, but it was a puss move all the same. I don't want to make Edward feel like any less of a dude, though. I am the one taking him out this time, and I want to pay and that other shit a guy is supposed to do. What if he wants to play that part, as well, though? Is it like this time I got you and next time you got me?

Honestly, I never thought I would ever worry about something like this. I was resigned to be alone. I don't really deserve Edward as it is. I've got him, though, and it would take the fucking jaws of life to pry him away from me now. I'm just not in a rush to pick out song and pet names. I highly doubt anyway that I'll ever call Edward snookums or something fuckawful like that.

Sweet Jesus, can you imagine? _Hey, Snookums..._

I literally shudder in disgust at the thought. All I want is Edward. I don't want all the fluff and flowers. Shit, I guess I wouldn't mind a little fluff, like in the form of hugs and stuff, but that's not something the world needs to know. Edward can be the only one privy to that information, though, because that boy gives amazing hugs.

God, all I wanna do right now is hug him tight and let our hips grind together a bit. I could kiss his neck and lick across the scruff on his chin. I would take his ear in my mouth, nipping with my teeth...

"Whitlock..."

I look up at my name, grateful that the desk is hiding my lap. Stupid fucking thoughts – got me all excited.

"DeBosier and Denali," Dr. Twat continues. "Your topic is Rasputin: The man versus the myth."

I raise my hand like directed and turn back to glance around the room for my group partners.

_DeBosier_... _DeBosier_... _why is that so familiar_?

That's when my eyes land on an outstretched hand above a headful of dreads.

Oh, fuck my fucking life.

Laurent DeBosier.

Laurent looks over at me, doesn't acknowledge me and quickly looks away. Well, shit, I thought we were_ friends_. I guess someone has talked to James already - stupid motherfucker. I can't even think about James right now. That asshole makes me feel like I'm going to lose my shit. I cannot freak in class over something that happened last weekend.

Rolling my eyes, I search out for another raised hand. It's attached to a pretty blond girl that is giving me some intense fuck-me eyes. When our eyes meet, she actually has the gall to wink.

_Great... a sexually aggressive female..._

That is the last thing I want to deal with right now. I'm going to have nip this in the bud pretty quickly. It's not like I have to hide who I am from Laurent. The asshole obviously knows. I hope the fact that he's French and spews all the One Love bullshit will mean that he'll be open to me and my sexuality. Not that my sexuality should have any part of what defines me as a person.

Straight people don't get labeled... well, unless they're freaks. Like, if I knew somone who was a Furry, I would label their ass so fast. I suppose I'm guilty, too, then. The thing is if dressing up like a giant chicken and having someone pluck your feathers is how you get your rocks off, I'm not going to let that dictate if we can be friends or not. I mean, I'm not going to put on an egg costume and fall out of your ass, but we could have a beer if you were a chill motherfucker.

Well, fuck, I'm not hiding in the closet anymore. I'm out and proud of who I am. Jesus, I guess it's time to let my rainbow flag fly, figuratively, of course. Ain't no fucking way I'm flying any kind of flag, let alone a rainbow one.

I'm going to have to have a talk with this Denali chick, though. I can see it now. _Listen, darlin', I like dick. Deal with that shit. _

I turn back to the front of the room as Dr. Twat launches into his lecture. That's right – a full fucking lecture on the first day. I'm going to hate this class.

After forcing myself to take notes and pay attention, it's finally time to get the hell out of here, so I grab my shit and go. I'm halfway down the hall when I hear my name being called.

"Jaspurr!"

I curse to myself and spin around, coming face to face with Laurent and the blond girl – my group partners.

Ain't it a joy.

"Hi, I'm Jasper Whitlock," I introduce myself to the girl and hold out my hand for her to shake it. She does, barely using any pressure. I hate floppy handshakes almost as much as I hate floppy cocks.

"Tanya Denali," she tells me with a smile. "It's a pleasure to meet you." Then, she actually quirks one eyebrow, giving me a playful smirk. I'm thinking that the tigress seductress thing works on most dudes, but definitely not this guy. I'm going to need her to retract those claws asap.

***~J~***

_...When they fight, they fight, and when they come home at night, they say, "I love you, baby."..._

"What the hell is that?" Edward grumbles into my neck, and my eyes fly open. Edward fucking slept in my arms – all night.

How fucking _awesome_ is that?

"The Generationals," I tell him with sleepy chuckle, burying my nose into his hair. I have no idea how after being at that crowded, smokey bar last night he can still smell good, but he does. He smells delicious right now. "My new ring tone," I continue. "I take it your hearing is back to normal?"

Edward makes some sort of scoffing noise into my skin, and it makes me smile like a fucking fool. God, this is fucking perfection, I'm turning into some kind of squealing chick. I need to calm the fuck down before he sees this retarded, goofy smile on my face.

"Thank god," he retorts. "I felt like a dumb ass yelling last night."

"It was cute," I assure him. "Also, it was funny as fuck." I start to laugh as quietly as possible, but I'm sure he can hear. He can definitely feel the vibrations from my stomach on his body.

"Yuck it up, Jasper," he sneers, rolling over in the small twin bed so his back is to me.

I wrap my arm around his waist and pull him tight to my body. "Don't be like that, Edward. I'm just playing, man."

He wiggles back into me, his ass grinding into my dick. Well, fuck, I guess he doesn't realize what that shit does to me. I'm already sporting my morning wood. All I need is for him to be side lap dancing my cock.

Baby Jesus in a hay manger, that _is_ all I need. I want that! Shit, though, I want him to be aware that's what he's doing. I don't want accidental dick grinding. I want on purpose dick grinding. There is a pretty big distinction between the two.

_...When they fight, they fight, and when they come home at night, they say, "I love you, baby."..._

"Good God, who is calling me at this time?" I shake my head, reaching out to the bedside table for my phone.

"Hello?" I bark into the mouthpiece.

"_One love, mon_," Laurent greets in his false Jamaican accent. I close my eyes and let out a quick frustrated huff. It's way too fucking early to deal with him. "_Ees dis a good time, brotha_?"

"It's kinda early," I retort.

"I_ know, mon, but Tanya wid de big tits called me dis mornin. She vants to meet today after de class_."

Wow, he's one eloquent foreigner.

"Did you come up with that nickname all on your own?"

"_Yeah, mon," _he laughs._ "It bes de truth..._" He pauses, and he's so quiet I can actually hear the beads in his dreadlocks clacking together. "_I guess you don't care 'bout dat, doh – de tits, I mean_."

Wow. That's really how he's going to bring my sexuality up? I don't know wheter to be in awe or shock. I think I'd rather go with angry, though.

"After class is fine," I tell him, snapping the phone closed.

"Well," Edward scoffs in disbelief, "that was pretty fucking rude. Who'd you just hang up on?"

"Laurent," I sigh out his name.

Edward stiffens. "The French dude with the Bob Marley obsession?" I nod in answer. "Why's he calling you?"

"Ugh... we're in a group project for history."

"That sucks, man," he groans in comiseration.

"It does," I agree, "but we don't need to talk about it. There are so many better things happening in my life right now."

"Like what?" he asks sheepishly.

"Like... I've got this fucking hot dude in my bed for one," I say with a laugh.

Edward rolls over. "Jasper," he whispers, his eyes glancing up to mine.

"Let's start this morning again," I comment softly. I move my hand to the sharp line of his jaw. "Good morning, Edward," I say with a smile. "How'd you sleep?"

"Good," he replies with a bashful smirk. "It was nice."

"It was more than nice for me. I really liked having you in my bed," I tease, running my hand down his neck.

He clears his throat and shifts closer to me. "Jasper," he whispers again before pressing his lips to mine. After a few seconds of chaste kisses, he pulls away.

"Why'd ya stop?" I ask, combing my fingers through his soft hair.

"Morning breath."

"I don't care about that shit," I promise him, moving in for another kiss, but he shakes his head.

I back off, throwing the blanket off my body. I scoot as smoothly as I can to the end of the bed which is pretty hard to do. I mean, put two guys that are over six foot into a tiny twin bed – it's not going to be all graceful and shit.

"Where are you going?" Edward asks once I stand up.

"To take a shower," I say, turning back to smile at him. It's not his fault I've got this raging boner. Well, technically, it_ is_ his fault, but it's not his responsibility... not yet. "I'll be quick."

His eyes flick down to my erection that is straining against the seam of the jeans I fell asleep in. He looks sad for a moment before glancing back up at me. "Alright, see you in a bit," he replies in a dry voice.

_Well, what the fuck is that about? _

I grab a towel and some flip flops and head to the shower to get dirty and then clean.

Once the water is trickling down on my shoulders, I let my head fall back, making sure to not breathe in through my nose. You don't accidentally suck water up your nose twice. That just doesn't happen.

My mind wanders to a world where I don't have to be so hesitant with Edward. I could just take the lead, and he would follow. One where it would be totally acceptable to just fucking ram his ass. He's not ready right now, though, and I refuse to be_ that _guy.

Also, Edward is so much fucking more to me than a piece of ass. I've done that, and I never really enjoyed it all that much. I mean, I enjoyed it physically, but it was never that much fun mentally. I guess, I'm not meant to sleep around. I'm a one dude kinda dude.

It's not that I slept around a lot, either. Sure, when the itch got to be unbearable, I'd find some guy who'd bend over for me at the snap of my fingers to help me scratch it. I know that these curls and twang make the boxers fall, but it just wasn't enough.

Now, only Edward is enough. This scares the shit out of me, but it's the truth.

I can't fuck this up – in anyway. Fleeting thoughts of my father enter my head, and I push my face under the water to drown him out. I hate that bastard.

I am not him.

I am not him.

God damn it! I am _not_ him.

"Jasper," Edward's voice breaks through my angry thoughts.

"Yeah?" I ask in a hopefully steady voice as I wipe the water from my eyes.

"I've got to get to class, but do you want to meet up for lunch?" God, how fucking cute is he? He came in here just to let me know he was leaving. That's Edward, though. He's his own brand of chips, man – completely fucking special.

I peak my head out the shower curtain, giving him a genuine smile. "Fuck, yeah."

***~J~***

"Oh, I'm going to fuckin' destroy you!"

"I don't think so!" Edward sneers. "You won't be able to do shit once I shoot you in the head!"

I laugh. "I'd like to see you try!" He elbows me in the ribs, trying to throw me off, but I jab him back, moving my hands and controller in front of his face.

"Noooo... I call foul play!" he snaps, leaning to the left to get away from me. That's not going to fly. I don't want him to be out of touching range. Now, that I can, I never want to take my hands off him.

"I don't think so, boy," I call out, pausing the game. "Get your ass right back next to me."

"Did you pause the game?" he asks, giving me an incredulous stare. "Did you just _pause_ the game?!" he repeats.

I roll my eyes at his overdramatic questions. "I did."

He lets out a scoff-snort, shaking his head at me. "There's no pausing in Halo!"

"Chill the fuck out, Tom Hanks," I reply with a laugh.

He looks confused at my reference. "What the hell are you talking about, Jasper?" he questions. "Tom Hanks?"

"Um... you know, there's no... um... crying in baseball," I stutter out the line.

"What if you got a line drive in the nuts?" he asks. "Even the strongest guy would cry."

"No, it's a movie quote." I hate having to explain things like this. Normally, Edward is quick to pick up on my references. This one isn't even obscure. Granted, it's kind of a lady movie, but I know plenty of dudes who know that line, at least.

"What movie?"

"Uh... A League of Their Own," I admit with a sheepish smile.

"That chick baseball movie?" Edward laughs, and it quickly turns hysterical. He tumps over to the floor, clutching his side. It's not _that _fucking funny.

I stand up, grabbing a pillow off my bed and swinging it at his head. "Shut the fuck up! That's a good movie," I insist. "Besides, my mom and sister love it!"

"Excuses, excuses," he chokes out through his tears of laughter. I hit him once again in the head, and he holds his hands up in defeat. Edward sits up suddenly and looks at me very seriously. "Do you like baseball?"

"Yeah," I tell him, shrugging. "I played in high school. Why?"

"I was just thinking the other day..." he trails off, shaking his head. "No, never mind."

"What?" I sit down next to him. "Tell me," I urge.

He lets out a loud sigh. "Um... you know the baseball analogy..."

"Analogy for what?"

His cheeks tint pink. "Sex."

"Yeah, like the bases and shit, what about it?" My brows knit together in confusion. Is Edward wondering what base were on? Fucking first and holding indefinitely, unfortunately. God, I wish I was sliding into home, instead.

"Not just sex, but like..." He then points back and forth between us with raised eyebrows.

"You and me?" I guess, and then the light bulb goes off. He really wants to talk about gay sex, now? Seriously? "Oh," I reply, trying to hide my shock, "you mean..."

"Yes!" he hisses. He drops his face to his knees, covering his head with arms. He lets out an embarrassed groan. God, why did he bring this up? He's obviously not ready to talk about this. I don't want him to be uncomfortable, though. We should be able to talk. I'm here for him and shit.

I rub his back hoping to soothe him. "You can ask me anything, Edward," I assure him. "We can't fucking clam up on each other like before. We need to fucking talk and shit and let each other know what's going on in our heads."

He turns his face to the side and quirks his brow. "You want to talk about our feelings, Jasper?"

I run my fingers through my hair in a nervous manner. "Yeah, man, I mean, I can talk about my feelings. I'm fucking sensitive!"

"I'm not saying you're not, but you're not exactly open all the time." He gives me a small, sad smile.

"I'm so fucking open!" I insist. "Give me an example of when I wasn't."

"Uh, how about how you hid the fact that you were gay and that you liked me!" He stares at me with wide eyes, daring me to challenge his statement. He needs to learn that I don't back down from a dare.

"Well, fuck, Edward, the same could be said for you!" I insist. "I talk, dude. Who pronounced best friend status first?"

_Wow._ Even as the words were coming out of my mouth, I know that it might be the stupidest thing I have ever said in my life.

"Lame," Edward scoffs. "Besides, you were drunk."

"Semantics."

"That's not how you use that word," he tells me, rolling his eyes. "Just... I don't know... let's change the subject."

"Fuck, no!"

"Jasper..."

"Listen, Edward," I cut him off. "We are in a motherfucking relationship. You are my boyfriend, and I am your boyfriend. Together we are boyfriends. Do you see where I am going with this?" I ask with my hands in the air.

"I don't think you see where you're going with it," he huffs.

"Well, when two people are together, they have to talk and be open about shit. I know I'm not the best at that, and I don't always show when I'm pissed or upset. I'm going to try my best to communicate better with you, though."

"Communicate, Dr. Phil?" he snorts.

I put my hand up, stopping him. "Edward, don't fucking make fun of me right now. I'm waxing the philosophic."

"I'm sorry. I'm not making fun of you. I'm just embarrassed," he admits. "It's just... you've, and I've never... I don't..." he trails off.

"Edward, there is no reason to be embarrassed," I reassure him. "You never have to be embarrassed with me."

He closes his eyes before spitting out, "the-baseball-analogy-of-pitching-and-catching," in one breath. He sucks in another large gulp of oxygen before whispering, "anal sex."

I choke on some spit in shock from his words. "Alright," I start after I'm over my tiny coughing fit. I nod my head. "We can talk about that."

He looks over at me in disbelief. "We can?"

"Yeah, I mean, of course," I tell him. "Anal sex will be a part of our relationship in the future, so..."

"How many guys have you been with?" he blurts out, interrupting me. My eyes widen in shock.

Jesus fucking Christ.

I didn't expect him to dive into the topic headfirst like that. What the hell ever happened to dipping your toe in to test the water? Well, I suppose it's time to sink or swim. Lies will only weigh me down and drag me under. I'm going to have to put on my honesty speedo and bare it all.

Fuck, I have a way of killing a metaphor.

"Peter," he comments.

I clear my throat. "He was my first," I share.

"Not your last, though?" He stares at me as though he can read my every thought with his mind. I'm feeling pretty exposed, and it's not exactly my happy place. Still, I'll talk for Edward. He deserves to know it all. The good, the bad and even that fucking ugly guy I banged when I was super drunk freshmen year.

"Well, no, uh, there have been some guys since I've came to Seattle," I admit.

"How many?" he questions, the urgency evident in his voice.

"I mean I didn't have sex with every guy I've hooked up with." God, I sound like a slut. By the club standards, though, I'm Mother fucking Theresa. Edward doesn't know that, though. He grinds his teeth together and lets out a small noise of anger.

"Edward?" I speake his name tentatively.

"I don't like this," he grumbles, shaking his head. "I don't like hearing about you with other dudes."

"I'm sorry." I reach out and rest my hand on his forearm, hoping to give him some comfort. "I..."

"Don't apologize," he sighs. "I asked." He pauses and then clarifies what he wants to know. "Sex."

"Six," I reply quickly.

He sucks in a loud hiss of air. "And, how did you have..." he trails off. "I mean, do you..."

"Pitch or catch?" I ask, making sure we're on the same page. He barely moves his head, but it's definitely a nod. "I've only topped; meaning, I only pitch."

His eyes widen to the point that I can see the whites above the green. "You've never?" he asks in disbelief.

"No."

He studies my face for a moment before turning his face forward and staring at the wall.

"Oh." He furrows his eyebrows together. "That's... interesting."

_I'm fucking drowning._

"Interesting?" I urge, completely flustered by this conversation.

"Yeah, it's just..." He shakes his head before turning back to me. "Jasper?"

"Yeah?"

"So, when that time comes... you're going to put it in..." he trails off.

"Your ear?" I joke, trying to lighten the mood. "I don't know if it'll fit, man."

"I'm being serious, Jasper. I want you to want.."

I cut him off. "Nope, stop right there. I promise that later we can talk about this, but right now, let's just take it a step at a time. I want you Edward so much fucking more than any of those other guys. They didn't mean anything to me."

"You just fucked without feelings?" he snaps, making me flinch.

"That was harsh, man, but I guess, truthful?" I shake my head. "I never had feelings before you, not even with Peter. I'm trying my best, but I can't change my past, Edward!"

"I just feel so inexperienced. It's pathetic," he sighs, his shoulders falling.

"It's not pathetic. It's hot. I get to experience all those firsts with you, and just the thought of it gets me so fucking hard," I admit with a sheepish grin.

"Really?" he asks, turning toward me. He searches my face, narrowing his eyes at me. "I don't believe you."

This boy is fucking clueless! How does he not know I'm practically obsessed with him.

"No?" I question, and he shakes his hand. An idea pops into my head that further cements my erection. Grabbing his hand, I place it on my crotch, letting him feel the bulge in my pants.

"Oh my god," he whispers, but he doesn't move his hand away or look afraid. He seems fascinated, and I'm going to take that as encouragement. Right about now, I'd take everything but him punching me in the face as encouragement, though. I might not be the best judge.

I push his hand down harder to see how he reacts, and I can almost see his pupils dilate. He wants me. "That's what you do to me, Edward." I lean into him, bringing my lips to his ear. "All the fucking time, I am hard for you. No one else has ever this kind of power over my body."

He gulps audibly and lets out a shudder of a breath. "Jasper," he whispers my name before he tightens his hand, gripping my cock from the outside of my jeans.

"Jesus Christ," I moan into his ear. I drag my lips across his cheek and to his mouth, kissing him hard. He reacts instantly, pushing into me and dragging his tongue along my bottom lip. We've had a lot of practice in the week since we've been back, and Edward's kissing has improved exponentially.

He's got a fucking strong tongue, and it drives me insane, in the best possible way.

Taking control, I push his shoulders, encouraging him to lie on the floor. He falls to his elbows, propping himself up. I crawl toward him on my knees, grimacing from the concrete floors below the rough, thin carpet of our room.

This won't do.

I stand up, and Edward looks up at me with unspoken questions in his eyes. I hold my hand out. When he takes it, I pull him to his feet. "I'm not doing this on the floor," I tell him, leading him backward until he falls onto the bed. I want to take his clothes off. I want to cherish him and kiss every inch of his body. I want to show him how much I care for him and need him.

I simply don't have the patience for that right now.

I climb onto top of him, wedging my knees between his legs. I prop myself up with my hands on either side of his head. I bring my lips back to his, letting my hips fall into his. "Is this okay?" I question in a soft voice.

"Yeah," he whispers before capturing my lips with his once more. He lifts his head, wanting more, and I smile before giving him exactly what he wants.

Besides, I always want more.

Moving my lips down his neck, I lick and suck at his skin, delighting in the little moans that escape his mouth. Testing the waters, I roll my hips against his, and the feel of his dick against mine, even with the double layer of denim between us, is good enough to make me cum in my pants. I'm fucking serious.

I doubt this is going to last long.

I do it again, and he whispers my name into my ear. His warm breath washes over my sensitive skin, causing the hair to stand up on the back of my neck. I push my hips harder into his, and my arms shake from the overload of sensations. Like a fucking weakling, I fall against him. I move to get up, but he surrounds me, trapping me against his body. We're a mess of arms and legs and lips, and it's amazing.

His feet dig into my ass, spurring me on, so I continue to thrust against him. He arches up into me, throwing his head back against the pillow. "More," he demands in the softest voice.

I nudge his cheek with my nose, and he drops his chin to look at me. "You feel so good," I tell him.

He stares at me, consuming me with his eyes. "God, Jasper, I want it. Please," he begs, and I slide my cock against his, harder, faster. "I'm... I... think... oh, shiiiiiit," he growls, his body tensing beautifully in his orgasm. The sight and sounds of it are enough to push me over the edge, and I cum hard into my boxer-briefs.

I collapse fully against him, completely spent and short of breath. "Oh, fuck," I breathe out. Groaning, I bury my face in his neck.

"Jasper, that was..." he shakes his head. "Unbelievable."

I nod against his skin. "I fucking agree with you on that one."

His hands continue to run over my back, and I feel my eyes start to get heavy.

"Jasper?" he whispers my name.

"Yeah?"

"Uh... I'm hungry. Do you want to get pizza?" he asks.

I chuckle, lifting myself up to look at him. He gives me a guilty smile. "Pizza sounds good," I answer before kissing him.

He breaks the kiss and pushes me off of him. "No," I tell him, collapsing back onto him.

"Jasper, I've gotta piss, and take care of... other stuff," he whines, sliding out from underneath me.

"Have you found yourself in a sticky situation?" I joke, and he blushes. God, I love when the tips of his ears redden. It's so fucking cute.

"You know," I continue, teasing him further, "I could help you out with that."

His eyes widen before drifting down to the top of my inseam. "Uh, order the pizza," he stutters. "I'll be right back." He grabs a fresh pair of boxers from his drawers, stealthily avoiding my gaze as he stuffs them into his pocket, and he runs out the room.

Chuckling, I take off my jeans and underwear, wiping away any cum with my already soiled boxerbriefs. I throw those in the hamper and grab a new pair, sliding them on. I put my jeans back on and grab my cell phone to order my boyfriend and I a pizza.

Smiling, I dial the familiar number. I bet this is going to be the best fucking pizza ever.

* * *

**Hi again! How'd you like it. Okay, I have a few things to mention. I hope you don't mind. First of all, THANK YOU to everyone who nominating me for the Slash Awards. ATD was nominated in EIGHT categories and Intangibilities was nominated in one. I'm absolutely blown away. Seriously. Voting is going on now. www(dot)theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com. :)**

**Also, some stories are getting pulled from ffn, and I just wanted to say that if that ever happens to ATD, I do post of twilighted(dot)net, as well. You can always read it there. **

**Thanks to everyone who read, reviewed and voted for my FML entry. **

**Come play on the blog or follow me on twitter if you like. Both links are on my profile.**

**Are you still out there? Let me hear you!**


	21. Edward & Jasperagon

**Well, it's been longer than a week again, hasn't it? *checks watch* Yep, it has. Sorry about that. I hope the chapter below makes up for my tardiness. Ooh, fun things - ATD won THREE Slash Awards: Best UST, Best Humor and Best Wank (yes!). That is thanks to all of you who voted for me. *Big hugs and kisses for you all* **

**Huge thanks to PhoenixRising25 for her last minute beta help. I am such a procrastinator, and she never gets mad at me when I ping her at ten asking for some beta love. She's awesome.**

**I don't own it, of course. I also don't own Jasper's ringtone... except in my iTunes. It's Basic Space by The xx. Do check this band out. Trust me.**

* * *

_...I'll take you in pieces. We can take it all apart. I've softened shipwrecks right from the start. I've been underwater breathin' out and in. I think I'm losin' where you end and I begin. Basic space openin? Don't look away when there's nothin' there..._

"Who the hell is calling you this early?" Jasper groans from behind me, his grip around my waist tightening with his words.

Smiling, I shrug, hoping he catches the movement. The phone stops ringing, so I worm my way back further into his body...

_Well, hello there!_

Jasper's erection is pressed firmly into my ass, and the memories of last night bombard my mind – the way he moved against me, the words that were spoken, the confirmation of everything I wanted, everything I needed. It was awesome, and it seems like Jasper is ready for a little more of that awesome this morning.

By the state of my cock straining against the shorts I slept in, I'm more than a little ready myself. I've had morning wood before. I am a guy, after all, but it's normally a perfunctory thing – take care of business and get back to the real world. Now, though, I have someone else to take care of my morning situation, and the thought alone of Jasper reaching around and stroking me is almost enough to make me jizz in my pants again. It's overwhelming. I never wanted another person before Jasper, and I find myself taken aback again and again by the power of these new emotions.

Want. Desire. Need. Lust.

They all swirl together, pushing for more, bringing me higher to a point I never even dreamed about. They are also tinged with something else – something more – something new.

Love?

My eyes pop open at the thought, and I fight the uncomfortable chuckle that is rising in my throat. That's just not possible. I like Jasper. I mean, I like him _a lot_, but I couldn't love him. It's too early, too soon.

There are so many different kinds of love though, right? I mean, I love my father and sister in different ways, but I know I love them both. You can also love your friends. I don't think my childhood friendships could be looked back on as love. Though children love and they love without fear, it was easier than it should have been to kill those friendships when my mom got sick.

It wasn't until college and Jasper and Bella that I felt like I had true friends. Am I just confusing friendship love with romantic love? How will I be able to tell the difference? Sure, I want Jasper romantically, but this could just be our friendship love on a lustful high.

All I know right now is that friendship love is the stupidest term I have ever come up with, and I am so fucking happy that no one can read my mind.

"Edward," Jasper whispers into my neck. The warmth of his breath washes over my neck, sending tingles to the tips of my fingers. I shudder when his lips connect with the top of my back. It makes me feel weird, but like chill bumps, good weird. He pushes up on his elbow and leans over my body so I can see his face. "Good morning," he says with a smile.

I grin back at him, taking in his mess of curls, twisted from sleep and my fingers last night. My eyes travel to his sparkling blue-gray eyes, crinkling with a smile that consumes his face. Jasper smiles like no one else. There is so much life in such a simple action.

It makes my chest hurt, but like in the best possible way.

"How'd you sleep?" he asks, his eyes lingering on my mouth.

I bite my lip, trying to hold back on the frantic urge to smash my face to his. Last thing either of us need is a broken nose or a missing front tooth. I have to be calm about these things, be smooth...

My thoughts are interrupted when Jasper leans in and kisses me, making the decision for me that I was silently debating. The kiss remains chaste though, and I'm more than grateful – morning breath and all that.

He pulls away, but my eyes remained closed. I can practically still feel the pressure of his mouth on my lips. He snickers and nudges me with his shoulder. "Edward?"

"Hmm?" I mumble out, a small close-lipped smile gracing my face.

"You still with me, man?" he chuckles.

I open one eye and peek out at him. "I'm very much still here," I retort. I turn on my back and stretch my arms above my head. "Where else would I be?" I ask.

"Mentally, dude," he says, shaking his head. "I get that you're physically still here. I'm not an idiot."

"I never said you were," I respond with a wink.

He quickly maneuvers himself to his knees so that he's looming over me. "Someone," he remarks, tapping me on the chest with his pointer finger, "is a smart ass in the morning."

"You are a smart ass, aren't you?" I twist his words around with a smug smile. He shakes his head and throws one leg over my body to where he's straddling my lap.

"Oh, you've done it now," he warns me.

Even though I know he's playing, I can't help my loud nervous gulp. He arches a brow at me as his hands run up my stomach and up my arms which are still stretched above my head. My breath picks up. "Nervous, Edward?" he questions, licking his lips.

I shake my head, but I'm sure my true emotions are written plain as day across my face. "I think you are," he continues as his fingers lock with mine.

I shake my head again, and let out a rushed, "Nope."

His tongue traces along his bottom lip, leaving it glistening under the fluorescent light. "Hmm..." he trails off, looking me up and down. He leans down and in doing so, moves his dick to where it is rubbing against mine. His eyes light up. "Well, not nervous, then," he smirks, "but definitely … excited."

"You're one..." I lose my train of thought when he thrusts against me, "to talk."

"I can think of better things to do with my mouth than talk." His voice is a throaty growl. He leans down to kiss me, and I try to pull my arms down, realizing rather quickly that he has my hands trapped. I turn my head to the side, causing Jasper to kiss my cheek. He lets out a sigh of frustration against my face. He pulls back, raising his brows in question.

"Morning breath," I remind him, but he just rolls his eyes.

"I don't give a shit about that," he remarks, leaning in once more.

_...I'll take you in pieces. We can take it all apart. I've softened shipwrecks right from the start. I've been underwater breathin' out and in. I think I'm losin' where you end and I begin. Basic space openin? Don't look away when there's nothin' there..._

"My phone!" I say louder than needed. "Let me up, Jasper."

"Fine," he relents, climbing off me. He glares at me as I scramble for my phone. I grab it off my nightstand and flip it open without looking at the Caller ID.

"Hello," I answer, slightly out of breath.

"_You know I hate having to call people twice_!" my sister yells in greeting.

"Hello to you, too, Alice," I sigh into the receiver. "Missing me already?"

"_Yeah, right_," she retorts, letting out a girly snort. Well, if snorts were girly, that is. "_I'm babysitting this morning and bored out of my mind, so I thought I'd call you. How was your first week back at school_?"

Jasper whispers my name a few times, but I hold up a finger for a moment without glancing up. He grumbles under his breath before falling back onto his mattress with a loud plop, covering his face with his forearm. I glance over and can't help the smile that covers my face. He can be such a baby.

"This past week has been great," I answer Alice after a moment. "How is school for you? Sen-ior!" I exclaim with awkward enthusiasm, actually raising the roof with one of my hands. Jasper drops his arm and looks over at me in shock before breaking out in laughter.

"_That was... weird_," Alice finally replies.

"Umm... yeah, I don't know why I said it like that," I admit, a blush covering my cheeks. Jasper continues to laugh, so I flip him off and sit down on the edge of my bed. "How is school, though?" I try again.

"_It's the same, really_," she answers in a bored voice. "_Oh my god_!" She perks up. "_Guess what Leah's dad got her for Christmas_?" Alice asks me.

Leah is my least favorite of Alice's friends. That girl has got an attitude problem. "A lobotomy?" I joke.

"_Ha ha, Edward_," Alice retorts. "_No! A boob job!_" she squeals into the phone. "_Can you believe that? They're huge_!"

Jasper whispers my name again, so I scowl in his general direction. I'll show him what happens when he laughs at me. "Don't be that way," he says quietly. I roll my eyes, and he stands, moving in front of me.

Then, he just stares at me, and I can't help but look back at him. Once he has my full attention, his tongue slowly licks across his top lip.

"_Edward_!" Alice yelling catches my attention once more.

"Ye-yeah," I stutter. "Boob job," I comment, remembering the last thing we talking about.

"_Oh my god, Bub_," Alice snaps. "_That was like five minutes ago. I was trying to tell you about Dad and_..."

"Alice," I cut her off as Jasper walks to the bed and kneels on the floor in front of me. He leans over, laying his head in my lap where he proceeds to nuzzle his face – in my crotch.

Oh, my fuck.

"Listen, uh, I gotta call you back," I rush out, flipping the phone closed. "J-Jas-per," I say his name with shaky breath.

"Yes?" His reply is muffled since his face is buried in my shorts, and his voice sends out some awesome vibrations. That along with his nearness and my all of the sudden over-active libido results in an insta-boner. God, he then kisses my hard cock, and...

I'm going to lose my mind.

It's fucking official.

I thread my fingers through his hair, and he moans loudly before nipping at me through the fabric. When I use my fingers in his hair to pull him off of me, he groans, pursing his lips at me. "I was kinda busy, there, man," he remarks, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Uh... yeah, about that," I mumble, unsure of myself. I mean, it's not like it didn't feel good – because it fucking did. Also, it's not like I wouldn't want him to go further, but I just don't think I could handle it.

The moment his lips actually touch the skin of my dick, I'm going to blow my load immediately. He gets me too worked up, too excited. Now, I may not know everything, but I know that cumming in two seconds flat would not make me the most desirable guy to bone.

I want him to want to bone me... or since we both have dicks, is it bone with me?

Either way, it's going to involve boning, and that won't work if my boner is already gone.

"What the hell are you thinking about right now?" Jasper asks, and I realize I'm still holding his head away from me.

"Huh?" I mumble out, revealing my inane intelligence.

"First, you pull me off of your _dick_," Jasper emphasizes the word, "and then you just space out with squirrely eyebrows." He shakes his head, and I let him go. Standing up, he stretches his legs out. "So, tell me," he repeats, "what were you thinking about?"

"What are squirrely eyebrows?" I ask, hoping to change the subject. Jasper's shoulders rise and fall with a sigh, and he shakes his head before furrowing his eyebrows and staring into space with a blank look in his eye.

He looks very stupid. I think I'm insulted.

"I can pretty much guarantee that I did not look like that," I tell him, glaring at him until he drops the face he's making.

He fights a smile. "Well, I can pretty much guarantee that you did," he retorts.

"You are fucking impossible sometimes," I reply, letting out a huff of air. "You know how I know I didn't look like that?" I ask.

He crosses his arms. "How?"

"Because, Jasper, you looked like a dumb ass," I remark with a snide smile. "And, I," I continue, placing my hand over my heart for emphatic purposes, "could never look like a dumb ass. One – I'm just too fucking intelligent and two – I'm too fucking good looking."

His mouth falls open a little in shock. "And, three – you're too fucking modest?" he suggests.

I laugh, nodding. "Don't forget honest," I add.

He runs his fingers through his hair, groaning. "It's too early in the morning to be dealing with your big head," he grumbles. "Who knew you your ego was so inflated? I thought you were the shy, sweet type." He gives me a smirk to know he's going along with the joke.

"I think a little bit of your cockiness has rubbed off on me," I tell him.

He throws his hands in the air in frustration. "That's what I was trying to do, Edward, but you interrupted me!" He starts laughing hysterically at the blush that appears on my cheeks when I realize what he's implying.

"Ha!" he exclaims, pointing at me. "There's my boy."

"Shut the fuck up."

***~E~***

"Ahora, clase, repite, por favor," Senora Thomas says again. "Yo soy. Tu eres. El/Ella/Usted es, Nosotros somos, Vosotros sois, Ellos/Ellas/Ustedes son."

"Why did you convince me to take Spanish with you this semester?" Bella whispers after we repeat the conjugations. "I sucked at it in high school. I suck at it now," she complains.

"You have to take four sections of language for your degree," I remind her.

She groans – loudly.

"¿Un problema, Senorita Swan?" Senora Thomas calls out from from the front of the room. "¿Qué es tan importante?"

"Umm... uh..." Bella mumbles, trying to figure out what to say. She scans her open textbook, looking over the simple questions we are studying. "Soy baño."

The teacher sighs and waves her hand in the air. "Go," she dismisses her.

After class, Bella and I stop by the Student Center for lunch. She snags us a table, and I go grab some sandwiches. When I finally find her among the throng of students, she is sitting at a table for two talking to some tall dude.

"Turkey and Swiss, right?" I ask when I reach her, and she looks up at me, silently begging for help with her eyes.

"Still a fan of turkey?" the guy asks, smiling down at Bella.

"Yeah, she is," I answer, turning toward him. "Edward Cullen." I stick my hand out. "And, you are?"

"Mike Newton," he informs me, shaking my hand. He looks at me and then back at Bella. "Are you two..." he trails off.

"No."

"Yes!" Bella exclaims at the same time, overriding my answer. "I've missed you, sugar pie," she says to me.

I bite my lip to keep from laughing. "I've missed you more, cuddlekins," I baby talk.

Mike turns to me and stares as I sit down across from Bella. "You said no," he tells me, sounding confused.

"No?" I quirk one eyebrow, cocking my head to the side.

Mike narrows his eyes at me before turning back to Bella. "Like I was saying, though, I would love to get together one night to... study."

"I don't have to study, Mike," Bella says in mock earnest. "I have a photographic memory."

I stop myself from laughing and nod my head. "She does." I wink at her and notice Jasper across the Student Center. He scans the room before his eyes land on me. I smile and wave, and he motions with his head toward the sandwich place.

"Fag," Mike hisses under his breath.

A piece of my sandwich falls from my hands. "Excuse me?" I croak out. He just looks at me with a disinterested stare. "What did you just say?" I ask sharply.

"Nothing," he replies, narrowing his eyes at me.

"No, I heard you," I insist, standing up so that he's not towering over me.

"So what if you heard me?" he snaps. "It doesn't really concern you. It's just some guy that used to be my roommate."

Then, it all clicks together. "You're _that _Mike?" I question, scowling at his ugly face.

"That Mike?" he repeats, furrowing his brows in confusion. "Who the fuck are you?"

"Watch your mouth, Mike!" Bella demands from her seat. He glances down at her, and I make my move around the table so that we are face to face. I'm delighted to find he stands a few inches shorter than me. I could definitely take him in a fight if it came to that. I mean, I've never been in a real fight, but I could definitely take this fucker.

"Listen up, Mike," I sneer, leaning toward him until our faces are mere inches apart. I drop my voice to a whisper. "That _fag _as you so eloquently put it is my boyfriend, and if you have a problem with him, you have a problem with me." I poke him hard in the chest with my pointer and middle finger for emphasis. I've never been one to back down from a confrontation. I just never put myself into situations where a confrontation would even occur.

I'm so angry, though, I don't know what I'm going to do. All I know is that I'm going to be the motherfucking victor.

"Get your hands off me," he warns, taking a step back. "I'm fucking serious."

I stare at him, not blinking. "No one is more serious than I am at the moment. You should leave," I grit out through my teeth.

He glares at me through slitted eyes. "You people are fucking insane and disgusting."

I grant him a menacing smile, stepping closer to him once more. I grab the front of his fraternity t-shirt in my fist and twist the fabric around my hand, pulling him even closer to me. I lean in to him so that my mouth is next to his ear. "Don't make me show you just how fucking insane I can be, asshole," I warn him. "If I ever hear you say anything to or about Jasper, I will kick your ass." I pull back, glancing down and reading the Greek letters on his shirt. "That goes for your _brothers_, too," I clarify. I drop his shirt and move back, wiping my hands on my jeans.

He stares at me in disbelief, mouth agape. "Who the fuck do you think you are?"

Bella stands, putting herself between the Mike and I. "Alright, that's enough," she yells. "Get out of here, Mike! I didn't like you in high school, and I sure as fuck don't like you now!"

"Bitch," he snarls before spinning around. I take a step forward with balled fists, but Bella turns to me, placing her hands flat on my chest.

"Stop," she begs. "He's definitely not worth it."

Taking a deep breath, I roll my neck, trying to relax. As the adrenaline leaves my body, the scene that just occurred plays in my head. "Shit," I curse under my breath, taking my seat once more.

What the fuck was that? I was out of control.

_I almost got into a fight..._

Bella lets out a loud huff of air and runs her hands through her long dark hair. She noisily pulls out the chair from across from me and collapses into the plastic seat. "What the fuck was that, Edward?" she questions, repeating out loud what I just thought to myself.

"He called Jasper a fag," I hiss at her, saying it so only she can hear.

"He's a huge dickhead," she agrees, "but I've never seen you act like that. When did you become testosterone guy?"

"I almost got in a fight!" I exclaim to her, stating the obvious.

She lets out a small giggle, her eyes wide. "You did."

"I don't know what came over me!" I shake my head. "I was just so angry when he was talking about Jasper. I lost it."

"Don't bad mouth Edward's boyfriend," she remarks, pretending to write it down. "Got it." She glances up at me with a smirk on her face. "You are such a bad ass," she jokes.

I roll my eyes and laugh along with her. "I just wish I would have punched him in his fucking face," I tell her with regret.

"It's probably best you didn't," she remarks, unwrapping her sandwich. "I don't think that even together Jasper and I have enough money to bail you out of jail."

"True," I say with a laugh. "Who does that, though? That fuckface had some nerve."

"Fuckface," Bella muses. "Suits him."

"God, I can't believe that just happened," I groan, dropping my head onto my crossed arms on top of the table.

"You can't believe what just happened?" Jasper asks from behind me before he sits down between Bella and I.

"Uhh..." Bella starts, looking rather uncomfortable. "Mike..."

"Mike?" Jasper repeats, staring at Bella. She shakes her head and makes a weird squeaking sound. She's just so much help. "What's going on here?" Jasper questions, turning his gaze on me.

"Nothing, really, he was just talking to Bella and being "To Catch a Predator" creepy," I remark, making the unconscious decision not to tell Jasper about what happened next. It would just upset him, and the thought of that makes me feel sick to my stomach.

"Mike who?" Jasper asks, and I shrug because I honestly don't remember. He turns to Bella.

"Newton," she says in a quiet voice, casting her eyes to the table. That girl needs to stop looking so guilty all the time. I make a note to never break the law with Bella around. I stop myself from rolling my eyes at my own thoughts – like I'd ever break the law.

"You know him?" Jasper asks Bella.

"We went to high school together," she tells him.

"Did anything else happen that I should know about?" He turns his eyes to Bella, and I shake my head at her, widening my eyes, silently asking her not to say anything.

"No," she answers in a meek voice.

He turns his whole body in my direction. "Edward?" he tries again with me. "Anything?"

I can't keep it in. He's looking at me, so expectant and open, and I can't stop myself... it's on the tip of my tongue...

"God, I'm like fucking George Washington!" I exclaim, dropping my head to my arms once more. "I chopped down that motherfucker's cherry tree!"

Jasper starts laughing. "What?"

I lift my face slightly, staying partially hidden behind my arms. I look up at my boyfriend. "That asshole said some ugly things, so I had some ugly things back."

Jasper quirks an eyebrow at me in question. "Ugly things?" he urges.

"About you," Bella jumps into the conversation, and I wish she wouldn't have. I sit up and come out of hiding so I can properly glare at her.

"Bella," I hiss, giving her one terse head shake.

"Edward," Jasper sighs, "Please, tell me."

"Fine," I snap at him. "That dickhead called you a fag, so I let him know if he did it again, it would be the last thing he ever did."

"They almost got into a fight," Bella adds, and she's once again my least favorite person in the world. Jasper balks at her. I can see the muscles in his jaw clenching as he grinds his teeth in frustration... or anger.

Shit. I hope it's not anger.

He takes a deep breath and runs his hands slowly through his hair, tugging at the end of his curls. He turns his glare onto me, and it's like his blue-gray eyes are burning holes right fucking through me. I swear, I'm going to have burn marks all over my Flaming Lips t-shirt in a moment.

This is one my favorite t-shirts, so I really hope that doesn't actually happen. My mind slips into images of Jasper as a dragon, but he shoots flames through his eyes rather than his mouth. Jasperagon is fucking weird.

"What the hell were you thinking, Edward?" Jasper asks, and I bite my lip to stop myself from blurting out my dragon thought. I don't think it would be well received.

"I wasn't thinking," I admit after a moment. "I was pissed! He called you a fag, Jasper!"

"Well, he wasn't far off mark there," Jasper replies with a sigh. "I am a fag, Edward."

"Jasper!" Bella hisses, slapping him hard on the arm. "Don't say that!"

"I'm just saying that I can't let it bother me," he replies, rubbing his arm where she slapped him. "I have to be stronger than that. I realize that not everyone is going to be cool with me..." he turns to me, "and us," he adds. "We just have to be the bigger people."

"Who are you, and where the hell is my boyfriend?" I question quietly, completely serious. He's acting like some calm pod-person.

"That's it, though, Edward," he replies with a smile. "Don't you get it?"

I shake my head. I most definitely do not get it.

"Did you drink the kool-aid?" I joke, scratching the back of my scalp absentmindedly.

"No, man, I'm saying that you and me," he continues, motioning between us. "Us," he clarifies. "It's making me better and shit. I'm trying not to let things affect me so negatively because of you. I'm not saying life is full of rainbows and unicorns..."

"Unicorns?" I interrupt. "Are you an eight year old girl?" Jasper rolls his eyes at me.

Bella starts giggling, and Jasper turns his glare on her, shutting her up pretty quickly.

"Y'all can just fuck yourselves," he grumbles, opening his sandwich and taking a bite.

"Hey, now," I say with a small smile. "Don't be like that, Jasper. Tell us about these unicorns," I urge, snickering.

"Yeah," Bella urges. "Do they have special powers?"

"I bet they're so majestic," I add, clasping my hands together and sighing happily.

"Y'all are dicks," Jasper says between bites of his sandwich. "Can we please talk about something else?" He looks at me, giving me a fucking adorable pouty face. God, Jasper has the best fucking lips.

"Sure," I reply, slightly breathless. I swear, he has some kind of power over my body and mind. "Bella said she was the bathroom in Spanish class today," I tell him, blurting out the first thing that comes into my head.

"I did?" Bella shrieks before burying her face in her hands.

With that, the conversation is on a different path, but I can't quite shake the gnawing feeling in the pit of my stomach over the situation with that douche, Mike. He better leave Jasper alone, or I'm going to go all Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon on his ass...

Jasperagon, I think, trying not laugh.

***~E~***

Wednesday night after the incident in the Student Center, Jasper and I are huddled in his bed watching a movie. He's behind me, wedged against the wall with his arms around me, and I am, more than anything, just trying not to fall off the tiny bed.

"Round kick in your face, motherfucker," Jasper talks smack at the movie, and I roll my eyes... fucking Jean Claude Van Damme. "Oh, shit," Jasper says, laughing. "Did you see that?" he asks me.

I just nod my head.

Fifteen minutes later, my arm is starting to fall asleep, so I start to wiggle around, readjusting my position on the bed.

Jasper's arm tightens around my torso, trapping me against his body. "Edward," he grits out, his breath washing over the back of my neck. "What cha' doing?" he asks, obviously trying to sound casual, but I can hear the strain in his voice.

"My arm is asleep," I tell him.

"Well, everytime you wiggle, you're pushing your ass against my dick," he informs me, never loosening his grip on my body. "And, my dick is definitely not asleep if you get what I'm saying." He chuckles nervously, and I stop moving.

Why is he so nervous? Do I make him uncomfortable? Doesn't he want more?

"Is that a bad thing?" I whisper, and he gulps loudly. I take a deep breath and start to roll over so that I'm facing him. Of course, I almost roll right off the bed, but Jasper still has his death grip on me so only my arm and shoulder slip off.

Once we're face to face on the small mattress, he smiles at me, and a wonderful feeling rushes through my body – like I just drank a hot cup of coffee and the liquid hasn't regulated to my body temp yet. He's making me feel all warm and shit.

I lift my now tingling arm to his face, cupping his jaw, and I scoot my head forward those last few inches until our lips are touching. We start to kiss, our tongues moving together, and his hands roam over my body. Everything about him makes every one of my senses come alive.

He's so fucking beautiful to look at.

He smells mouthwatering.

He tastes unlike anything I've ever tasted, and he's delicious.

The noises he makes when we're making out drive me insane and make my cock that much harder, but nothing beats when he moans my name. Nothing.

Then, of course, he feels so great, his hard body pushed against mine, grinding together. It's like fucking magic how good he makes me feel. Jasper is the David Blane of the dry hump, man. He's got that shit down.

Since Friday night, we've done the grinding thing every night and one time during the day, and I've really enjoyed it – like I've _really _enjoyed it. I just want more. I need more. I feel like I'm about to explode, and I can't even imagine how Jasper feels!

I mean, he's told me he's been pretty sexually active. It's not like six guys is that many either, but compared to zero, it's a lot – practically Hugh Hefner status. He's had sex. He's used to sex. He wants sex – with me.

Except, Jasper has only given the sex. He is, as he said, the fucker. Which, by default, makes me the fuckee, and that's a title I need some time to wrap my head around. It's not that the idea isn't exhilariting, but it's almost like sky diving. I know I would fucking love it -- the rush, the excitement, the anticipation, but there is also this huge wall of fear.

To jump or not to jump – that is the question.

I don't think I'm quite ready for a 600 feet in the air free fall, but I could maybe bunjee jump, right? We could go further...

We could get naked.

Just the thought, sends both my heart and my cock into overdrive, pumping my blood hard and fast through my body.

I deepen the kiss, running my tongue forcefully though his mouth, taking control like I have never done before. I explore his mouth with my tongue, tasting him fully. It just makes me want more. With a unconcious growl that surprises both Jasper and I, I push him onto his back and climb on top of him, sitting astride his hips.

Jasper moans, breaking the kiss, and I move my lips down his jaw and throat, licking and sucking at his exposed skin. "God, Edward," Jasper hisses, breathing heavy.

I mumble nonsensically into his neck in answer, moving my hands to the bottom of his t-shirt. I tug at it, letting him know I want it off, but he doesn't raise his arms. I sit up, removing my mouth from his body, and he groans in protest. I stare into his eyes, waiting until I've got his full attention, and I tear my own t-shirt from my body.

He makes a sound almost as though he's in pain, and his eyes close. His head falls back onto the pillow. Not even a second later, his hands are all over my chest and stomach, dipping to the waist of my jeans, but never venturing any lower.

He pulls his own shirt off with one arm, and once again, I'm thouroughly impressed with this move. I practiced it in the mirror the other day when he wasn't around, but I didn't look nearly as good as Jasper does. Plus, I always seem to get stuck around the shoulders.

He thrusts up into me, both of us still restricted by our jeans, and I bite back a moan. It feels good, but I'm on a mission tonight – a mission for more.

Jasper tries to pull me back to him, but I resist. He then tries to sit up, but I push him back down. His eyes open in frustration. "What the fuck, Edward?" he huffs out.

"I..." I trail off, closing my eyes. Taking a deep breath to steel my nerves, I try again, "I... want more," I tell him in a quiet yet resigned voice.

"More?" he questions, but I don't respond verbally. Instead, I lower my hands to the button on his jeans, and undo it, his zipper following close behind. He licks his lips, and it spurs me on. I tug the denim fabric down his hips and stare at his boxerbriefs for a moment.

"Edward?" he calls out my name in a soft voice, placing his hand on my arm. "You don't..."

I look back up at him and shake my head. "Don't fucking say that I don't have to," I warn him.

"But," he starts, and I narrow my eyes at him.

"I'm serious, man," I interrupt.

"Fine," he remarks, he flicks his hand toward me. "As you were." He then laces his hands behind his head, the fucking picture perfect example of relaxed. He even closes his eyes and whistles while he waits.

"Dick," I say with a smirk, glad that Jasper's sizeable ego broke the tension.

He looks up at me and winks, a smirk played aross his lips. I smile at him and then let my eyes travel down his torso. I get caught up in the scars that cover his body. My emotions start to overpower me as anger once again pumps heavily through my veins.

I grit my teeth and my hands ball into fists, and Jasper sighs quietly, scooting up so he can prop himself up against the headboard. "Edward," he says, clearing his throat.

"How could someone do this?" I question, tracing a scar on his right pec that is obviously a cigarette burn. What the fuck kind of monster was his father?

Jasper takes my hand and laces his fingers through mine, pulling me down on top of him once more so that our bodies are flush. "Where were we?" he asks, kissing my shoulder, trying to get me to drop the subject, but I can't.

I love Jasper... as a friend, of course, but I know it's more than that. We haven't been dating all that long, but it's more. I can't just let something like this go. Someone causing Jasper paing causes me pain, and I want to locate his father and tear him apart with my bare hands.

Jasper reaches up and smoothes the wrinkles between my brow before running his thumb over my cheek. He sighs, kissing me once on the forehead before he starts talking.

"Listen, Edward, I'm still really fucking angry about all that shit, but it's too late for me. That asshole fucked me up, and he fucked up my mom and my sister. I'm still trying to come to terms with it all, and it's getting easier as of lately to not hold so much of that anger inside. It gets hard carrying that shit around... like it really weighs you down, you know?"

He takes a deep breath, pushing me back to where I am once again astride his hips. He sits up and looks me in the eyes. "I just don't want you to be angry, too, ok?" he whispers. "I can't let him, even in a round about way, fuck you up. I need you to be your sweet self," he continues with a small smile. "You make me less of a fucked up asshole, you know?" He laughs nervously, and I shake my head in disbelief at this amazing guy. One side of my face lifts up in a sad smile.

"We're all fucked up, Jasper. Some of us are just better at hiding it than others," I tell him with a grin, trying to lighten the somber mood. He obviously isn't ready to talk about his father, yet, and I can understand that. I'm just now okay with talking about my mother. The situations are completely and utterly different, but they're both painful. Sometimes, it's better not to talk about it.

"But," I add with a smirk, "I don't think I could ever make you less of an asshole." I laugh, and Jasper scoffs, pushing me backwards hard enough so I fall on my back with my head at the foot of the bed.

"I'm not that big of an asshole!" he insists.

I continue to laugh, and I nod my head. "You're a pretty big asshole, Jasper, but it's all part of your charm."

"Shut up," he snaps, but I can see the smile he's fighting back.

I lift myself up onto my elbows, arching one brow up at him. "Make me," I challenge him.

Jasper licks his lips and looks me up and down. "With pleasure," he growls before he practically jumps on me. He attaches his lips to mine, kissing me hard and frantically, letting out some of his pent up emotions through our kiss, and I'm happy to let him. You can't hold that shit inside. It just burns you alive, eats away at you until you're just a shell of the person you were. Jasper has too much life in him to allow that to happen.

His hands travel across my naked torso to the top of my jeans, but this time he doesn't tease me at all. Jasper gives a sharp pull to the fly of my button up jeans, and all five buttons pop open. For a moment, I worry that he just fucking ripped my favorite pair of jeans. Then, though, his hand slides into my pants and wraps around my dick on the outside of my boxers, and I don't give a shit.

At this point, he can rip any piece of my clothing he ever wants as long as he promises to never ever stop what he's doing to me now. He continues to rub my erection through the cloth of my underwear until I'm on the brink of exploding, but it's not enough for me tonight.

I want more.

I said it before, but I'm going to say it again – naked. We could get naked.

"Jasper!" I moan after breaking our kiss. His lips move down my neck to my chest, and he sucks my nipple into his mouth.

He has never done that before, and it feels even better than the time I pinched my own nipple.

Oh god.

"St... st..." I pant out, never quit completing the word as Jasper bites and flicks his tongue across my sensitive skin. Combine that with his hand down my pants, and I'm about to cum in my boxers – once again.

I'm getting sick and tired of the extra laundry.

I bury my fingers in his hair and finally pull him back. "Stop," I tell him, and he furrows his brow in confusion.

"Is something wrong?" he questions, sounding unsure.

I can feel the blush covering my cheeks, and I hate that my body reacts this way. It shows every little embarrassment. I smile at him, moving my hand out of his hair and to his cheek. Jasper immediately leans into my touch, and the act makes me smile.

"Edward?" he urges, sounding worried.

"It's nothing bad, Jasper," I assure him. "It's just that... I... I want to see you..." I admit, "all of you."

After a second, he opens his eyes wide with realization, and then an evil smirk graces his lips.

Oh, shit.

"You want to see me?" Jasper whispers. He bites on his bottom lip and lets it pop out of his mouth.

Fuck.

"God, Edward, I want to see you, too," he tells me, and it's starting to get really, really hot in here. He leans down and runs his tongue up the center of my chest. "You're so fucking sexy," he growls before taking my other nipple in his teeth.

I throw my head back, breathing heavy. "Jasper," I chant his name in a barely audible whisper. He licks and kisses his way up my neck to my ear, flicking his tongue across my earlobe.

"That day I came back in and you were jerking your dick is one of my favorite memories," he says into my ear. "Do you know how difficult it was for me not to rush in to the room and take care of your big hard cock for you? Jesus, I wanted to so fucking bad," he groans as I lose control of my breathing. "Can I do it now for you, Edward. Can I stroke your cock?"

"Yessss," I hiss, thrusting my hips into the air. "Please," I beg.

With that, he pulls my jeans completely off of me and throws them on the floor. He lifts his eyes to my face before he brings his hands back to my underwear. Without a word, he takes them off my body, leaving me naked before him.

He smiles at me before letting his gaze drift down my body, his eyes glazing over when they land on my cock. "So beautiful," he murmurs to himself. My dick twitches, and he smirks. I twist the sheets around my fingers to stop myself from thrusting up, begging for more, for his touch.

He lifts his eyes back to mine before he licks his palm, never breaking eye contact with me. Then, he wraps his hand around my cock, and the feel of his fingers on my bare skin is the best thing I have ever felt in my entire life!

"Oh... my... god," I stutter out, my back arching off the bed. "Fuck!"

"You like that?" he asks, twisting his hand around the head of my cock.

"Uh, yeah!" I snort, trying to roll my eyes, but they just roll back in my head.

With a couple more flicks of his wrist, I know I'm done for, but I'm not ready for this to be over.

Handjobs, as it turns out, are fucking awesome!

I reach out and squeeze his arm. "Jasper," I pant. "Wait. Just... oh god... wait!"

He lets out a loud groan. "What now?" he asks, chuckling humorlessly.

I lick my lips and lower my gaze down his body. Jasper's jeans are still undone but not removed, but I can see his cock straining against his underwear.

I just want to see his cock.

I push his jeans further down his hips, but they're impossible for me to remove from my angle. "Jasper," I whine, and he smiles. He kisses me on the lips and he quickly slides his jeans down and off his body.

"Everything," I whisper, and I watch his Adam's Apple bob when he nods in answer, pushing his underwear off of his body, leaving him totally exposed to my eyes.

His cock is thicker than mine, but mine is longer, is the first thought that pops into my head. Oh my god, Jasper is _naked_, is the second.

"I like it," I murmur more to myself than Jasper, but he obviously hears me as he starts to chuckle.

"That's good," he tells me, his eyes sparkling. He leans in and traps his lips with mine. "It'd be a bad thing if you didn't like my dick," he whispers against my mouth.

Tentatively, I move my hand to his cock, and Jasper's breathing picks up in anticipation. Licking my lips and sucking in a deep breath, I run my pointer finger along his shaft. Jasper's entire body shudders.

Smiling at my new-found power over Jasper's body, I wrap my hand around the base of his cock and stroke upward with a strong but gentle grip. He moans and laces his hands in his hair, tugging on his messy curls.

"Fuuuuck," he groans, his body swaying with each stroke of my hand.

He's so fucking beautiful.

When I dip my thumb into the precum and spread it down his shaft, he nearly falls over on top of me. Concentrating on the head of his dick, I let my thumb rub against the underside again and again.

"Shit, Edward," Jasper hisses. He drops his chin to his chest, and his stare is all-consuming. "That feels so good," he murmurs. "I love your hands on me, but I want to do something," he pleads. "I need to touch you, too."

"Yes," is my instant reply, and Jasper gives me a wide grin. It quickly turns wicked.

"I know exactly what I want," he tells me, and I just nod my head in agreement.

He can have anything!

Jasper moves to where he's sitting back against the headboard, legs straight out in front of him. His hand ligthly grazes up and down his own dick, and I can't look away.

"Come here, Edward," he commands with a smile.

I sit up and give him a questioning look. Where the fuck am I supposed to go?

Jasper smiles and pats his lap, so I scoot up the small twin bed until I am straddling the top of his thighs. "Like this?" I question, staring into his blue-gray eyes, and Jasper nods before pressing his lips against mine.

"I couldn't kiss you before, either," he says with a hint of a smile. I kiss him, immediately moving my tongue into his mouth, and not even a second later, I feel Jasper's hand on my dick again... except it's different. It feels... like...

I break the kiss to glance down. "Fuck," I whisper. Like I thought, Jasper has both of our cocks in his hand, and the mutual feeling of his hand and dick pressed against me is unbelievable. "Jasper," I moan, unconciously bringing my hand down to meet his.

"Yes," he hisses when I twine my fingers with his, moving my hand in time with his strokes. "Fuck, yeah."

I lift my face to his, kissing him once more. It's too much for me, though. I've never been touched like this, and I can't hold back. After a few more strokes, I throw my head back in anticipation, and Jasper moves his lips to my neck, sucking and licking at my skin.

"Jasper, I'm..." I can't even warn him. I'm cumming hard, shouting out his name and covering our cocks and our hands.

While my body shudders from the aftershocks, Jasper bites down on my shoulder, following me in his orgasm. He loosens his jaw after a moment, turning his face into my neck, kissing my skin softly as he catches his breath.

"That was..." he trails off. He lifts his head and stares at where he bit me. A look of horror crosses his face. "I'm so sorry," he apologizes almost frantically. "I didn't mean..."

I cut off his ramblings with my lips.

I'm not going to lie – it hurt when he bit me, but I don't think I'm going to mind seeing his teethmarks tomorrow, marking me.

Nope, I don't think I'm going to mind at all.

* * *

**Hmm... well, what do you think? lol. Worth the wait? I hope so! **

**I started a new story, well a short story, I'd love for you to check it out if you haven't. You can find it as well as a link to the thread. Come play! Also, you can follow me on Twitter if you like. :) That link is also on my profile. Also, I co-wrote a one shot for the Twislash Unveiled contest. It's anon, so I can't tell you which one I wrote. You should go read them all, though, and vote for your favorite. There are only seven stories. You can do it! www(dot)fanfiction(dot)net(~)twislashunveiled**

**Now, here is my challenge. ATD is soooooooo close to 2k in reviews, and I'm so unbelievably excited and shocked and overwhelmed. If we get there on this chapter, I guarantee that ch. 22 will be posted next Thursday. Also, I'll add another chapter of Intangibilities into the mix. Sound good? :)**

**I can't wait to hear from you!**


	22. Jasper & RedRum

**Erm... hi. Yeah, so, it's been like... forever. Sorry about that. I don't really have an excuse, so I'm just going to say I hope you're still there and that you enjoy the chapter. **

* * *

"We need to uncover da truth, mon!" Laurent repeats for the eighth time this afternoon. He smiles at Tanya like this statement will somehow make her pay attention to him.

It hasn't worked. There is always time number nine, I guess.

God, I'm about to go fucking crazy.

"You keep saying that, dude, but you haven't picked up a book or looked on the computer or done any research... at all," I remind him, trying to keep my cool. Laurent gives me a look like I'm acting like a child, shaking his head which makes the beads in his dreadlocks clack together.

I'm really starting to hate that sound, and I'm about to rip them out – bead by motherfuckin' bead.

"But, da history, mon, eet's alive," he exclaims. "Eet's in da air!" He purses his lips together in a smug grin, nodding slowly. His red eyes are unfocused.

He's obviously stoned out of his mind.

Laurent on a sober day is ridiculous. A fucked up Laurent is ridiculous and repetitive. It makes the ridiculous about fifteen million times worse.

"I think that the air you're talking about is not so much filled with history as it is with weed," I say with a forced smile, pretending to be joking.

"Oh, Jasper, you're hilarious," Tanya practically purrs as she swipes her paws at my arm.

_Down kitty..._

"He's full of sheet, mon amour," Laurent retorts to her, giving me a look, silently telling me to back off from Tanya. I stop the snort-scoff I feel rising in the back of my throat. He should know I don't want _her_. "Da foulest smelling sheet," he says for emphasis.

"He smells wonderful to me," Tanya remarks. She leans into sniff me, seemingly oblivious to the discouraging glances I keep giving her. She lifts her lips into what I think is supposed to be a flirtatious smirk. She looks like she needs to take a dump.

"It would make me feel a whole lot better if both of y'all refrained from smelling me," I let them know, my hands out in front of me, a small warning to stay out of my personal bubble.

I don't fucking get all up in their bubbles. They should stay the hell out of mine.

"I vould love for you to be smelling moi," Laurent says to Tanya, leering at her. I have to literally have to straing my eyeballs so the don't fucking roll.

"I can smell you from across the room," Tanya says to him in a fake sweet voice. "You smell like patchouli and pizza."

I almost add, "and ass," but I decide to keep my mouth shut.

"Da scent of da gods," Laurent muses.

Jesus Christ on a saltine cracker, Dr. Twat really did pair me with the most ridiculous people in the entire class. This project is already wearing thin on my nerves, and it's only the second time we've even met up. Glancing around the tiny library room, I wonder how long I have to stay trapped in here with these two dumb asses. I'm just about to make some lie about needing to carry my grandma and her failing hips piggy-back style up the stairs, but Laurent beats me to it.

"Damn! Look at da time, mon!" Laurent exclaims as he starts to gather his books. "I got an appointment vith da keg provider!"

"Keg?" Tanya asks, her interest in Laurent finally piqued. He smiles and nods, leaning in closer to her.

"Dat be's correct, beautiful lay-dee," he replies with a smile. "My roommate and I, we be's having a par-tee."

"Oh, I love parties!" Tanya squeals happily, but something is almost unnatural with the way her voice rises with her excitement. I can't quite put my finger on what it is, though.

"Vell, I expect to see you dere, den," he says, winking at her. She smiles at him, and I swear, from the way his face squinched up, he might have jizzed his pants.

I fight back the laughter bubbling in my throat at the thought, but there is also another emotion that I'm desperately trying to ignore.

Disappointment.

Sweet baby Jesus swaddled in a blanket, I should not be feeling this way about some stupid party! So what if I'm not invited because James is a bigot asshole? It doesn't matter. I don't need them.

"I vant you to come, too, mon," Laurent directs at me, interrupting my angry thoughts.

"What?" I ask in disbelief, my eyes wide.

"I speak da truth," he answers, holding up his right hand in a peace sign. "One love."

"I don't think that's the best idea," I mutter. "James..."

"Isn't da only one who lives at da house," he finishes when I trail off. "Victoria and I vant you deer, mon."

"Edward..."

"Who's Edward?" Tanya interrupts, looking between the two of us.

"His roommate," Laurent says.

"My boyfriend," I tell her at the same time.

"You're gay?" she asks, her eyes twinkling with some emotion that I don't recognize or want to recognize. She looks fucking excited, and it's creeping me the fuck out.

"Yeah, I am," I snap, but the look doesn't leave her eyes.

"You like penises? I..." she continues, but I hold my hand up, stopping her from asking another question.

"Are you serious?" I implore, shocked. "Did you really just ask that?"

"It vas blunt," Laurent remarks with a straight face, but he then snorts to himself. "But blunts are good!" He starts laughing at his stoner joke. God, sometimes, I wish he'd go back to France... or Jamaica. I doubt either place wants his ass, though.

"It was just a question," Tanya says with a shrug, acting like she was confirming that I only liked mustard on my sandwich.

"Listen," I tell them, standing up and shoving my shit into my backpack, "on that note, I'm going to go ahead and split."

"Da party!" Laurent reminds me.

"I'll think about it," I say to him as I head out the door.

***~J~***

"Why are we watching this movie?" I ask, in a slightly whiney voice.

He lets out a huff of air, his shoulders slumping. I'm sure he's even rolling his eyes at me, but I can't be sure since his back is to me. I take a moment to ogle his ass as he leans over the DVD player, putting in the movie. "Because, Jasper," he starts, turning to give me an annoyed look, and I quickly avert my gaze from his jean clad ass to his face.. "I watched fucking Jean Claude Van Damme with you last weekend. It's my turn." He crosses his arms over his chest, and I fight a smile.

It's so easy to fuck with him.

Oh sweet lord in heaven, now I'm thinking of fucking and Edward in the same sentence. I wish it was as easy to fuck him as it is to fuck with him. Jasper would be a happy boy indeed.

"The Shining, though?" I question his taste in movies. In all secret truthfulness, that movie scares the mother-lovin' daylights out of me, but I'm not about to let him know that.

"It's a classic!" he insists. He holds up his pointer finger like the little boy in the movie. "Red-rum! Red-rum!" he says in that scratchy fucking frog voice. I can feel the grimace covering my face as I lean away from him.

He stops mid-word and his mouth falls open, his finger just hanging out in front of him. "Are you scared?" he finally asks, biting back a smile.

"Fuck no!" I reply with a snort. "It's just a movie."

He quirks his brow at me in a silent appraisal, obviously not believing me at fucking all. "Riiight," he drawls out.

"I'm not scared!" I insist, throwing my hands up in exasperation.

"Mmhmm," he gives me a non-commital remark. "Go flip the lights, please," he tells me as he climbs into my bed since it's at a better angle for the TV. He scoots back to the wall which is my normal spot. Reluctantly, I turn off the light, taking a deep breath to relax.

It's just a fucking movie.

I walk back over to him, and he smiles up at me. "Scoot forward," I tell him, "so I can climb in."

He shakes his head, smirking. "Nah, I'm going to be the big spoon to pwotect your itty bitty heawt fwom getting scawed," he tells me, using the most annoying baby talk voice I have ever heard in my entire fucking life.

"You did not just fucking talk to me like that," I comment, shaking my head in disbelief.

"Talk like what?" he feigns innocence.

"Oh, you know like what," I remark, crossing my arms and glaring at him.

He gives me a mock gasp, eyes wide. "Oh!" he exclaims, clapping his hands together. "You mean the baby talk?" he confirms with a smirk.

I give him a quiet "tsk tsk" to show him my disapproval in his attitude. "Edward, Edward, Edward..." I continue, trailing off. He quirks his eyebrow in challenge, his smirk now consuming his face. "Now," I remark, preparing myself to spring, "you're gonna get it."

With that, I leap onto the small bed, right on top of my squirming boyfriend, trapping him under the weight of my body.

"Jasper," he whines as he struggles fruitlessly, bucking up into me to try to escape, but it all that does is excite me further.

"Edward," I whisper his name, rocking my hips into his. I lean down and nip at his jaw with my teeth, and he he arches back, exposing his neck to me. Eagerly, I cover his skin with my lips and tongue, biting at random moments, hard enough to entice small gasps from him.

Before I even know how it happened, we're only in our underwear, and I'm still on top of Edward, my arms starting to burn from holding myself up. I don't care, though. This is the best kind of workout there is.

"Touch me!" he begs in a whisper and a shout, all at the same time. The boy's got skills that's for sure.

"You want me to touch you?" I ask in a slightly mocking tone, smirking at the desperate need simmering under his forced face of calm. I've loved learning all the little things that make up Edward, like the way he makes himself "calm." Well, he tries to make himself appear calm. It never works. Right before he loses control, he clenches his jaw, his nostrils flare a few times and he blinks a fuck ton. It's kind of Tourettesy - but hot. Really, it's just motherfuckin' adorable is what it is. Not that I'd tell him that.

Not that I'd tell him that. No dude above the age of five wants to be called adorable...

"Here?" I tease, running one finger slowly over his shoulders, tracing some invisible line that is for no one's eyes but mine. He shudders, his head lolling back in some semblance of a nod of a agreement. I let my finger roam lower, circling his bellybutton, lingering right above the spot he wants my hand the most.

A moment later, because of my lack of patience, I'm taking him in my hand, salivating over the wonder that is Edward and Edward's cock.

Seriously, it's that fucking awesome. If I could, I'd post pictures of his dick to my Facebook profile, under the album name, "My BFF."

Somehow, I don't think Edward would appreciate that like I would, though, so I just have to settle for these moments together, naked, bringing pleasure to the person who brings you the most pleasure everyday just by being there.

Really, though, that's more than enough. Shaking my head at the sudden sentimental turn of my thoughts, I concentrate on the now, searing into my memory the way he looks when he cums all over my hand, though I know we'll have countless other moments just like this.

And when he unzips my pants to reciprocate, I let myself go and relax, trusting him completely.

***~J~***

"Do we have to do this?" I asked, my tone practically begging that we just turn around and head back to the dorm. Edward just looks at me and gives me a small smile and a quick nod. He's obviously on the fence about this as well. I lean in, hovering my mouth over his ear to whisper, "If we head back to the room, I could run my tongue up the length of your..."

"Jasper!" Edward interrupts, jerking his head away. My lips drop into a pout. I was just getting to the good part. He turns to me and looks me in the eye. "You... we need to do this. These are your friends," he reminds me.

"Were," I correct him. "They were my friends."

"Come on, now," he urges. "Don't be like that. I mean, shit, what about Victoria and Laurent?" he asks. "They've both said straight out that they don't care."

"I'm glad they don't care, but I still don't want to go!" I say with a sigh. I'm just not fucking ready to deal with any more bullshit. Yeah, those two act like they're cool, but can I trust them? Also, what about James? If that motherfucker makes one move to saying or doing anything to hurt Edward, I'm going to lose my shit.

I'm scared I'm not going to be able to control myself. That fear never goes away, but I try to avoid situations where I'm going to be tested like this. It could turn so fuckin' ugly, and I'm too goddamn good lookin' to be thinking about ugly shit.

All I want to think about is Edward between my legs, reciprocating what I gave him yesterday. There ain't _nothing_ ugly about that thought! Maybe, we could even go a bit further... I wonder how Edward will react when I suck his cock? The thought alone makes me smile like the fucking cat that caught the canary or pigeon or whatever fuck bird goes with that analogy.

"I didn't know you were a yella-bellied chicken," Edward remarks in a terrible southern accent. He sounds like Foghorn Leghorn.

I hate that fucking rooster.

"What'd you say to me, boy?" I drawl slowly, playing up my natural twang. "The last man that dared call me yeller ended up with six foot under!"

"I called you yeller, alright," Edward continued in his rooster voice, this time adding a bit of John Wayne. That's a much better person to impersonate. "What cha gonna do about it, cowboy?"

Smirking, I step closer to him so our faces are only inches apart. I look down the couple of inches at him. "I don't think you're ready for what I wanna do," I tell him.

"I ain't yeller like you," Edward retorts. "I'm a real man. I can take it."

I cock my head to the side in question. "Can you?" I ask. "Can you take it?"

His eyes widen and he gulps loudly. "I.. I..." mumbles, and I lean in even closer, moving my lips to his ear once more.

"Can you saddle up and go for a ride, Cowboy?" I tease.

He lets out a shudder of a breath. "I ain't go no horse," he whispers, his voice once again resembling the stuttering rooster.

I thrust my hips into his. "With me around, you don't need a fuckin' horse," I tell him with a smirk, and his face breaks into a beautiful smile. He then quickly starts to laugh, his head falling onto my shoulder as his body shakes with his laughter.

Well, fuck it all, that was not the reaction I was looking for.

"Quit laughing!" I yell at him, pushing him playfully off of me. "You started the fucking 'Queer as Folk Tombstone' reinactment!"

He's still laughing, clutching his sides as he tries to catch his breath. "I know, I know, but when you said that, I started singing that song in my head," he tells me, letting out loud huffs of air as he combs down from his laughing fit. "It was just really fucking funny at that time," he continues with a shrug.

"What song?" I ask.

He smiles before singing, "Save a horse. Ride a cowboy!"

"That horrible country song?" I confirm with a sneer, and he nods, starting to laugh again. "Stop laughing!" I insist, shaking my head. "That's not even funny."

"I know," he sighs, wiping the moisture from his eyes. "You know when you just start laughing and you can't stop?" he asks, and I nod. Who doesn't know that feeling? "It's like when you saw that truck the other day," he points out.

"That was funny, though."

He starts walking down the street again, and I move to follow him. "It wasn't really, Jasper. At that moment, you just found it hilarious."

"It's called the Isuzu Hombre!" I practically yell. "That's the stupidest name for a vehicle ever. The Hombre! Fuckin' Hombre!"

He clamps his hand over my mouth. "Shit, Jasper, why don't you yell it a little louder?" His sarcasm is not lost on me, but I decide to ignore it, licking his hand that is covering my mouth. His first reaction is to pull his hand away, and I don't miss my opportunity.

"HOMBRE!" I shout as loud as I fucking can into the silent neighborhood street. Edward looks at me for a moment with wide eyes, his arms raised in the air in question. A second later, though, a porch light flickers on, and both of us look over at it before locking our eyes together, excitement and a little bit of fear alighting Edward's eyes.

I smile, grab his hand and take off running, shouting, "Hombre!" every couple of seconds. After a moment, Edward joins in, and we only stop once we turn the corner. We collapse in the grass behind a large bush, laughing uncontrollably as we roll on the soft ground.

"Oh my god," Edward finally pants out through heavy breath. He props himself up on his elbow and looks down at me with a smile. Noticing that I've ended up on my back with Edward looming over me, I try to get up to even us out, but he pushes me down, silently telling me no.

"Edward..." I start, but he cuts me off, placing his finger over my lips. The heat from his one finger could burn my skin. How can one little finger, a tiny touch, consume me so completely? It's all I can feel. Also, I swear, I can either hear his pulse in his finger or mine in my lips or something, but I can't be sure.

"You are ridiculous," Edward says after a moment, smirking from above me.

I shrug and smile up at him before taking his finger into mouth. I swirl my tongue around it, and I watch as Edward's gaze turns feral under the glow of the streetlight. He moves into kiss me, and with a silent chuckle, right before he removes his finger from my mouth, I bite down.

Hard.

"What the fuck?" he shouts, shaking his finger.

I start to laugh. "If I'm ridiculous, so are you," I tell him. "I wasn't the only shouting fucking 'hombre' as we ran down the street."

He rolls his eyes and stands up, dusting his spotless jeans off with his hands. He's such a germaphobe, but it's kinda fucking cute. Also, I can help with the dirt removal, so I do, moving my hands to his ass.

"What are you doing?" he asks. I can hear the amusement in his voice.

I brush at his jeans before grabbing his ass and giving it a squeeze. "Cleaning you off," I remark nonchalantly. I lean forward, resting my head on his shoulder. "You've been very dirty," I whisper.

He snorts, and it's about the cutest thing I've ever heard. "If anyone here is dirty, we know it's not me," he retorts, and I start to laugh.

"You're probably right." Grabbing his hand, I pull him from out behind the bushes and back to the street, making our way once again to the party I have no interest in going to.

Five minutes later, we are back outside the house I haven't been to since Halloween. Taking a deep breath, I raise my fist and knock. When the doorknob starts to turn, Edward drops my hand, quickly digging his hands into his pockets.

He steathily avoids my 'what the fuck' glare, but seriously, what the fuck? He doesn't want to hold my hand?

Before I have a chance to confront him, the door swings open, revealing Victoria, and in true Victoria fashion, her hair is wild and her clothes are tight and short.

"Jasper!" she squeals, throwing her arms around me. I hug her back, but with less enthusiasm. "I've missed you!"

"It's been a while," I admit, giving her a small smile when she pulls away. "How you been hangin', Tor?"

She throws her head back and lets out a loud bark of laughter. "Low and to the left, my friend, but you already knew that," she tells me with a wink, and I can't help but laugh. Victoria was always fun as shit to be around before she developed that annoying crush on me.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up for some fucking Oprah special reunion, but it would be nice to have my friends back. Yeah, I guess, they get on my nerves, and I always held them away from me and never got to close. They were my friends, though, and I've missed hanging out more than I realized. I mean, I love spending time with Edward. He's the best fucking thing that has ever happened to me, but I've let us get trapped into a bubble.

We don't need to be up each other's asses all day long. Not that I wouldn't mind getting up in Edward's ass just a little bit, but you know what I mean.

"Hey, Ed," Victoria greets Edward, and he grits his teeth.

"Victoria," he responds shortly. "It's good to see you again."

"I see you all the time," she remarks, giving him a fake smile.

I turn to him. "What is she talking about?"

"We have a class together, of course," Victoria tells me, narrowing her eyes at Edward. "Didn't you tell him last week?"

Edward looks flustered and trapped. He shakes his head. "It didn't seem that important," he finally says, looking around the room.

"I guess you didn't give him my message then, did you?" she sneers. "God, Edward!" She rolls her eyes and turns to me. "I'm surprised you even came here tonight then," she comments, forcing out a small smile.

"I'm surprised I came here tonight, as well," I laugh humorlessly. "Where's..." I trail off, my eyes roaming around the living room and connected dining room.

"James?" she finishes my question, and I nod. "He's been hanging on some chick that Laurent invited."

"Tanya?" I ask, holding my hands suggestively in front of my chest, pantomining large boobs.

Victoria laughs and rolls her eyes. "You know he can't turn down a pair of fake tits," she retorts. "Go get a beer, have fun." She gives me a genuine smile, and I'm happy to return it. "I'll come find you later," she tells me. "We should talk."

With that she runs into the other room, shouting at someone with the nickname of 'Ballsac Bill.' His mother would be proud.

I turn back to Edward. "What the fuck was Victoria talking about?"

He shrugs. "I don't know any Bills let alone Ballsac Bills," Edwards says in reponse. I narrow my eyes at him. Playing coy ain't going to work tonight.

"What message did Victoria want you to tell me?" I try again, and he takes a deep breath, locking his eyes on some point right to the left of my face. I step into this line of vision, and he jerks his eyes to the right. Then, I just give up and ask again.

"She cornered me after poly sci last week," he starts quietly. "She just said that not everyone thought the same way as James, but you were still so pissed about all that shit, she knew she couldn't come up to you."

"Yeah, I probably would've flipped my shit," I admit with a small smile. "Why didn't you tell me, though?" It would have been nice to know that not everyone hated me now because they knew I was gay. I mean, I could have gotten over losing their friendships, but it makes me feel good and shit... emotionally to know not every single person in my life is going to spew douche slurs at me the moment they find out.

"She was a pretty big dick to me, so I didn't know if she was being honest," he finally tells me. "I didn't want to take the chance and put you in a shitty situation."

I take a step closer, placing my hand on his shoulder. "That's nice of you, man, but I'm not a baby, you know? I don't need to be coddled. I can handle my own shit like a big boy."

He scowls at me, stepping away and shaking off my hand. "I wasn't trying to treat you like a child, Jasper," he sounds offended.

"Chill, Edward, you need to relax," I tell him, fighting the urge to roll my eyes. "Get a beer or something."

"I'm not freaking out!" he almost yells, sounding as though he is indeed, freaking out. I open my mouth to speak, but he beats me to it. "And don't tell me I need a chill pill, either because I don't!"

I pull my head back, scrunching my nose in distaste. "Uh, I wouldn't tell you to take a chill pill because we didn't time warp back in time to when that was a cool statement – well, debatedlycool."

Edward lets out an angry hiss of frustration. "Why do you have to be so fucking flippant about everything?"

This, whatever this is we're doing, is getting quickly out of hand. I grab his arm and pull him over to a secluded area of the house. "Listen,"I start, running my hands up his arms, "I don't want to fight. I'm just stressed about being here, ya' know? I mean, I'm not exactly jumping for joy about being around James."

"Douche," Edward growls under his breath, and I chuckle, nodding my head.

"That he is," I agree with a smile. "So, let's just let this shit go, but we still need to talk about it, I guess," I tell him with a shrug.

"Uh," Edward stalls, lifting one side of his mouth in a sort of confused grin. "if you want to."

I grimace slightly. "I don't really want to," I admit, and he lets out a deep breath, relaxing his shoulders.

"Good, I mean, I don't really feel like this needs to be pushed into some deep coversation where we stare into each other's eyes and talk about our feelings," he says, cracking himself up at the end. "It's not that intense of a problem, really." He closes his eyes for a quick moment and then opens them, turning those bright green irises on me, and I feel like I could fucking jizz from his stare alone. "We don't need the long conversation because this is my fault. I should have told you. You're right, you don't need protection."

"Well, I mean, standing up for me is good and all, man, but you can always talk to me about shit, ya' know?" I ask, and he nods. I take his hand in mine, interlacing our fingers. "We shouldn't keep secrets like that."

He smiles, leaning into my body, and I don't think he even realizes he's doing that. "Right. I agree," he replies, and I can't help but take him in my arms, hugging him tight. After a moment, he drops his arms and steps back slightly. "Well, come on, Jasper, let's go pretend we're excited about being here," he snarks.

I nod and start to walk, letting my arm brush against his, hoping our fingers will meet once more, but it doesn't seem to be happening naturally. Grimacing, I glance over to find Edward walking beside me with his hands in his pockets again, and it makes me feel a little angry. I mean, I guess him choosing to put his hands in his pockets isn't really a big deal. I'm just being irrational and jumping to all kinds of conclusions.

He probably doesn't even realize he's doing anything wrong, and it's not like I'm announcing that I want to hold his hand. I've never been the hand holding type before, either, so it's not like I should expect it. I just... it's just... I don't...

Shit. I just want to hold his fuckin' hand.

Jesus in a drag show, I'm turning into a friggin' vagina.

Before I have another opportunity to grab his hand, a loud female voice is screeching my name. I turn toward it, expecting Victoria, but instead I'm disappointed to find Tanya.

Not only Tanya, though, but a very smug looking James is draped all over her.

I greet her with a short, "hey," giving James a warning glance to watch himself. I have no patience when it comes to that asshole.

"Isn't this a fantastic party?" she asks with a wide smile, snuggling back into James' body. James wraps himself around her lengthy frame and peers over her shoulder. Man, they're like the same height. I guess I never really noticed how tall Tanya is, but she's definitely pushing six feet. Shit, she's like WNBA tall.

"Yeah," I answer, glancing around the small room filled with drunk people. "We haven't really made that far into the party yet, so..." I trail off, trying to escape this conversation, giving her a guilty smile and shrug.

"You're too cute," she replies with a wink. James sneers at me, and I manage somehow to keep my face void of emotions. She turns her stare onto Edward. "Is this your boyfriend?" she asks, her eyes lighting up with... excitement. Tanya is one weird chick. I really do not get her.

James mumbles something indistinguishable under his breath, but I'm going to be the bigger person and ignore his motherfuckin' ignorant ass. Dickhead.

"Yeah," I say to Tanya, looking over to give Edward a smile. He smiles back at me, but quickly averts his eyes back to James, barely concealing a scowl. "This is Edward, my boyfriend." I thread my arm around his waist, and he tenses slightly under my touch.

What the fuck is that about?

"It's nice to meet you," Edward says to her, his body still ridgid. I rub my palm over the small of his back, trying to help relax him, but it's not working. With a sigh of annoyance, I pull away from Edward, shoving my hands into my jeans' pockets. If he doesn't want me touch him, I just won't touch him. I've got self control. I can keep my hands to myself.

"Do you two know James?" she asks.

"Yeah," I tell her.

"Unfortunately," Edwards hisses under his breath at the same time, but it's quiet enough to where only I hear him. "I'm going to get a drink," he tells me. I watch him walk away for a moment, enjoying the view...

"He's got a hot ass," Tanya interrupts my fun times with her un-fun input.

"I'll be happy to pass your message along to him," I say to her, fighting back a scowl.

She giggles, and it makes the hair on the back of my neck stand straight out. There is something... odd about this girl. I just can't put my finger on it.

"Your ass is way hotter," James slurs into her ear. I think he was going for a whisper, but he definitely missed the mark.

"You're sweet," Tanya replies, running her fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck. "Can you get me a little drinkie-drink, Jamie-poo."

I let out a snort-scoff at her pet name, covering it up with an obviously fake cough. James glares at me for a moment before leaning further into her embrace. "You got it, Tawnie." He smacks a big sloppy wet kiss on her neck and then departs, leaving me feeling sick to my stomach.

"So," I start, rocking casually on my heels. "Jamie-poo and Tawnie, huh?"

"He's a good looking man," she says with a smile. "I know as a fellow good looking man you can appreciate that."

"James is..." I search my mind for a suitable adjective, drawing a blank "James." I shrug.

"JASPER!" Victoria screeches my name when she enters the room, throwing her arm over my shoulder. "I need you right now!"

"Huh?" I turn to look at her. "What for?"

"Only the most important thing in the world," she informs me with a smirk. "Beer pong."

Smiling, I nod my head. "I'm in."

After destroying Laurent and his stoner friend that I affectionately call Bong Marley, I have a light buzz from the few beers that I had to drink. Deciding to go find Edward, I walk aimlessly around for a moment until I hear his voice from the kitchen.

"No, no, no," Edward practically shouts. "A penguin would be a butler because they're already wearing a tuxedo, duuuuuuuuh."

Curious, I peek in to find Victoria and Edward having what seems to be a pretty intense conversation, except they're talking about... animals... I think.

"That is sooo dumb," Victoria remarks, throwing her hands into the air. "Who the fuck has butlers? Penguins would be waiters! Now, giraffes," she muses. "Giraffes would be street light repairmen!"

"Oh, good one!" he exclaims, giving her a sloppy high five.

I clear my throat, and they both turn to look at me. Victoria smiles, but Edward quickly glances away. "What are y'all doing?" I ask, trying not to show my disappointment with Edward's reaction.

"Assigning animals people roles," she answers me matter-of-factually, like that's so normal.

"I see," I remark because I don't know what else to say. "Edward," I call out his name, and he turns to look at me. "Are you ready to go?"

"Yeah, sure," he mumbles, sliding his hands deep into his jean pockets. "See ya," he says to Victoria before he walks past me and out the room. I turn to her, giving her a questioning glance. She gives me a drunken shrug in response.

With a deep breath, I turn and leave. Once outside, I find Edward waiting for me on the porch. "Are you okay?" I ask, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"Fine," he replies. "I'm..." he trails off, shaking his head. "I'm fine. Come on. Let's go."

"Alright," I agree, and we start to head walk back to the dorm. Edward doesn't say a word the entire way back, but from the way he's stumbling around, he's obviously wasted. Why is he drunk? He's never even had a sip of alcohol before tonight. Did something happen? Did someone say something to upset him? Was it me?

Once we make it back to the dorm, he quickly strips down to his boxers and immediately climbs in under his blankets, not even giving me time to enjoy the sight of him in his underwear. I have a moment of uncertainty because since we've been back, I haven't slept alone. The thought that he's right across the room from me but not in my bed with me is going to drive me fucking nuts. I'm not going to sleep well at all.

"Jasper?" Edward whispers.

"Yeah?" I ask, gulping down the uncertainty that's rising steadily up my throat. From across the room, I watch his body rise and fall with each breath he takes, waiting as silently as I can for him to speak, to tell me what's bothering him.

"Nothing," he finally replies, burying himself even further under the comforter. "Night," he says in a flat voice.

"Good night, Edward." I watch him until he stops faking sleep and actually falls asleep, more confused than ever.

What the fuck happened at that party?

* * *

**Well, that's all I got this round. I hope you liked it. Are you curious to find out what happened. What do you think happened? Please review and let me know!**

**Speaking of reviews, y'all are AWESOME. ATD reached 2k in reviews last chapter, and I am completely blown away. Not only was I update fail, but I was also review reply fail, so I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you. I read and adored them all. I'm going to try to catch up, but I might just move onto replying to this chapter. **

**Follow me on Twitter if you want to see what my latest procrastination is or come by the thread and say hi. Both links are on my profiles. **

**Thanks for still reading. **:)


	23. Edward & Christopher Reeves

**Hey! Look it wasn't a month this time... that's an improvement, right? lol.**

**First things first, thanks to OnTheTurningAway and TuesdayMidnight for their beta help. I asked on twitter and these two lovely ladies were there to help. I love them lots. Sorry to Sarah for being a beta failure to you - that's why I didn't ask because I felt bad... and I've aired my dirty secret to the world. I'm a bad beta - I forget to do it. I'm sorry. Oh, the shame.**

**Then, I have a fic rec. I don't normally rec y'all things because I just don't think about it, but I want to today. As you may know, there is not much funny in the Twislash world. There is a lot of angst, tho, which is cool, but I love the humor too. ;) Sooo, on that note, you should check out Said and Done by ICMezzo (the link is in my favorites). This is a hilarious story with a vamp Edward and a human Jasper and a whole lot of UST. Edward is as confused as mine, believe it or not. ;) There are some things with trees and lots of laughs with the Cullen clan - and you will not regret this read. Seriously. Go. Well, read this chap of ATD and then go. **

**Twilight is not mine. A-duh. **

* * *

"Well, I mean, standing up for me is good and all, man, but you can always talk to me about shit, ya' know?" Jasper says to me, and I nod as he grabs my hand and locks our fingers together. Thankfully our "fight" at the party is over. I might have overreacted just a bit. He did as well, though. I guess we're both hot-headed. Well, I know he is, at least. I'm normally as cool as a damn cucumber. I don't know what came over me. "We shouldn't keep secrets like that," he continues, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I can't help but smile at the cute, goofy grin on his face. I lean into him, enjoying the way he feels next to me in this private moment. "Right. I agree," I reply, and he grabs me, pulling me into a tight hug. His arms just feel... perfect around me, like everything is right when we are together like this.

Oh lord, I'm starting to sound like a_ Lifetime_ movie. If fucking Tori Spelling shows up, I'm out.

"Well, come on, Jasper; let's go pretend we're excited about being here," I snark, pulling out of the hug.

He nods and starts to walk back into the party, his arm brushing against mine again and again. My fingers twitch with the desire to reach out and grab his hand, to let everyone know he's mine, but I don't. For one, the idea of all these people noticing me, seeing me, terrifies me. Then, I don't want to put Jasper through any more stress. Who knows how "cool" these people really are with our relationship. I don't want to flaunt it and make things worse. The situation is already so thick with tension I feel like I have to hack through it with a machete like I'm in the fucking jungle or something.

Speaking of hacking up with a machete...

James walks up to us with some fake, fake blond, hanging all over him. She smiles maniacally at Jasper when he greets her first with a quick, "hey." My lip curls down into a frown. Who is this girl?

"Isn't this a fantastic party?" she asks with unblinking wide eyes that are rimmed with lashes as fake as her breasts. She snuggles back into James, and he hugs her from behind, peeking over her shoulder.

"Yeah," Jasper answers. "We haven't really made that far into the party yet, so..."

"You're too cute," she replies with a wink, and both James and I sneer. This blond bimbo needs to back off! She turns her crazy eyes on me. "Is this your boyfriend?" she asks Jasper.

"Fucking fags," James mumbles under his breath, and I grit my teeth. God, I shouldn't have encouraged Jasper to come to this party. This is a mistake. Something terrible is going to happen.

"Yeah," Jasper tells her, apparently not aware of what James said. He turns to me and gives me a fucking hot smile, and I can't help but smile back. James mutters something else, but I can't make it out. My eyes shift over to him, and I fight back a scowl. "This is Edward, my boyfriend." He grabs me around the waist and pulls me to him, but I tense at the look of disgust that flashes on James' face.

"It's nice to meet you," I say to her, wishing that I would have been introduced as well. I'm not fucking psychic. Who is this girl? Jasper starts to rub his palm over the small of my back, but I can't get over the bad feeling in my stomach. His touch is not helping. It's actually starting to make me more antsy. A moment later, Jasper takes a step away from me with a sigh. I sneak a look at him, and he definitely doesn't look happy.

"Do you two know James?" the blond girl asks.

"Yeah," Jasper says out loud.

"Unfortunately," I reply under my breath. I have got to get out of here. "I'm going to get a drink," I say the first thing that pops into my mind, and I leave the room.

I force myself to walk normally until I round the corner, and then I hightail it to the kitchen. I grip the edge of the counter and rest my head against the cabinet, taking deep breaths to calm down. I hate that guy! I hate that guy! I hate...

"Edward," James says my name when he enters the room, interrupting my rampant thoughts of hate that were solely for him.

"What do you want?" I ask, not really interested in his answer.

"I just wanted to say hello, man," he starts, giving me a small smile. I scowl in return. "Listen, ya know, I was outta line at the airport, dude... totally uncalled for and shit. I was just shocked. I didn't know that Jasper was a dick lover."

"Yeah, well... still," I mumble, confused over his sudden change in demeanor.

"It's just, SHIT, Jasper and I were like pussy controllers!" he exclaims. Then, I kid you not, he starts to dance, thrusting his hips in the air and slapping in front of him. "Ahhhh... pussy Control," he sings in a super high pitched voice.

"Huh," is all I can say once he stops his performance.

"Motherfuckin' Prince," he sighs happily. James walks over to the counter and grabs two plastic Solo cups and a giant bottle of Vodka. "Let's rock this bitch!" he says to me before flipping the bottle over and pouring generous amounts into each cup. The sides of the bottle indent with the loss of liquid.

"What is that?" I question nervously.

"Skol," he answers me. "This whole bottle cost me six bucks," he tells my proudly.

"Huh," I say again. "Congratulations, I guess..."

He grabs some orange juice out of the fridge, opens it and smells it before dumping a tiny bit into each glass, barely giving the clear liquid a yellow tint. James hands a cup to me, and I take it. He raises his drink. "To new friends," he cheers before knocking back his entire drink. I take a sip and fight the cough that's rising in my chest as the liquid burns my throat. "Fucking great, right?" he asks, biting his bottom lip between his teeth in some kind of happy sneer.

He looks creepy as fuck.

You know that moment where you're eating popcorn at the movies and you think you've eaten the entire bag, but you glance down and it's still completely full? Yeah, this is one of the moments, just with vodka. Fuuuun.

James eyeballs me for a moment, and he is clearly amused by my lack of ability to drain my cup. Dick. I'll show him.

And, that's how I quickly became drunk for the first time. My father would be so proud.

"Whaddya fuckin' talkin' about?" I ask him some time later.

James looks at me from around the Fake Boobinator, who I learned is the Tanya from Jasper's history class. THE Tanya, she told me. She put a fucking article before her name. I doubt she even knows what an article is! Anyway, grammar lesson aside, she is at the moment straddling James' lap on the couch and licking his neck. If I wasn't so dizzy, I would definitely get up and leave this room.

"Jasper won't be tied down, man," James tells me. "He's like a motherfuckin' desperado with that accent and shit, ya know? The ladies..."

Tanya clears her throat.

"I mean, the dudes are going to be all over his jock, ya heard?"

_I do heard_, I think sadly to myself. _I do_! Peter! That big muscled ape man that I saw all shirtless with Jasper! Oh, shit, who's going to get his jock next time? I'm going to be dropped like a softball thrown at Alice. She was always terrible at sports...

"Then, where is that going to leave you?" James continues, and my head falls down to my chest. Mainly because it feels so fucking heavy at the moment. Fuck. My neck! Oh, god.

"Is my neck broken?" I ask in alarm, trying to raise my head to look back at James and Tanya across the room. "Great," I say in exasperation. "Jasper's going to have relations with Gigantor again, and I'm going to be Christopher Reevesing it for the rest of my life!" I cry out.

Next thing I know, a warm body is next to me, lifting my head. I find Tanya staring down at me. I watch the movements in her neck when she swallows down some spit. It either looks weird, or I'm really drunk. I'm going with the ladder. Oh, whoops, the latter. A-duh. I'm not climbing anywhere. I smile despite my broken neck.

"Your neck isn't broken," she coos, contradicting my worry as she runs her fingers through my hair.

"Tanya get the fuck back over here!" I hear James yell from the other couch, but she doesn't move away.

"You put all those ideas into his head about Jasper, you moron. He's obviously drunk out of his mind," she hisses at him. "You've made him into super emo guy."

James laughs and it sounds distorted and... evil, really, like a cartoon villain. I bet if I could focus on him, he'd be twirling his long black mustache. "It's not my fault the boy can't hold his liquor. Anyway," he scoffs. "I was just telling him the truth. Jasper is a stallion."

_Jasper is not a horse_, I think. _He's a dragon_! " Rawwwwwwwwr" I roar loudly.

"What. The. Fuck?" a new female voice chimes in. "Edward?"

I look up. Awesome. It's the monster from the Ginger lagoon. "Sup?" I greet her.

She glances at each one of us in the room before her eyes land back on me. "Did you just roar?" she makes sure.

"I did," I tell her. "I was being a dragon." My eyes are so fucking heavy. I think I might just relax on this...

Hands are shaking me. "Nope, no sleep. Let's get you some water," Victoria says to me, extending her hand to me. I look over at James and Tanya arguing quietly on the other couch, so I take her offer, and she pulls me to my feet. "Water," she repeats.

"I'd just boil it with my fiery breath," I tell her with concern. "It'll be too hot!"

"Oh, yeah, we would need you for hot tubs then, right?" she laughs.

"That would be a perfect job for me!" I exclaim. "It's not like dragons can be dentists or something. They'd need a metal fireproof mask if they were, ya know?" God, I'm fucking brilliant.

"What?" Victoria starts to say something else, but then she just shakes her head. She hands me a glass of water.

"Oh, we're in the kitchen!" I tell her, and she nods.

Cursing under her breath, she grits her teeth. "So, Edward, what animal would be a dentist?" she asks.

I smile at her, well, both of her. "A beaver, of course," I reply.

***~E~***

"Edward" I hear a voice whisper my name. A hand caresses my forehead, and it feels perfect. "Edward." This time, I know who it is.

I try to say his name, but all that comes out is, "Uuunnn." One of my eyelids slowly creeps open. Jasper gives me a small, tentative smile. "My head," I rasp. My throat also seems to hurt. It feels like I've swallowed fire.

He chuckles humorlessly. "Hurts like a bitch, huh?"

"Wha... I mean, when?" I shake my head. Fuck. Reminder - do not shake head. "Last night..." I trail off as some things start to come back to me - drinking with James, Tanya touching me, water, red hair... penguins? Wait. Penguins? What the fuck...

"Yeah, you were pretty gone last night," he tells me, and I groan in agreement. "Edward, what were you drinking?"

"Skol," I admit and Jasper grimaces. "Yeah, I understand that face this morning..." my words fade into grunts of pain.

"I mean, it's cool and shit that you were drinking because god knows I had some beers, but I mean, is there a particular reason you wanted to get smashed?" he asks, immediately looking the other way after his question.

"James used some kind of reverse psychology peer-pressure on me," I tell him. "I don't know, and then, I was pretty out of it. He kept saying all these things, though, but I can't remember..." I clench my eyelids shut, trying to ward off the headache beating furiously behind my eyes.

"I'll get you some water and Advil," Jasper says in a gentle voice, and I feel the weight of his body leave my bed.

Flashes of last night run through my head. James' daunting words about an unattainable Jasper and the sheer sadness that I felt. Well, shit, it still doesn't make me feel good.

More than anything, I feel embarrassed about it all. I was acting like a fool. Luckily, Victoria force fed water and coffee down my throat to where I was at least a functioning drunk. I remember Jasper coming into the kitchen, and even through hazy eyes, he was fucking beautiful. I forced myself to keep quiet, to not say anything dumb or overly emotional... something I couldn't take back.

I didn't allow myself to say anything. I couldn't even look at him!

There was that moment, right before I fell asleep, when all I wanted to do was to ask Jasper to crawl into bed with me, for him to know that I was feeling all kinds of new things for him - that I was falling hard for him, that he meant a lot to me, that I...

I shake my head. All the emotions are still there, only diluted from their intensity by now sober mind.

I feel the same way I did last night, overcome by these new feelings, scared, angry with myself for being afraid to speak them out loud. It's a big step. It's life changing, and I'm fucking scared shitless.

_Hello, my name is Edward Cullen, and I'm a huge pussy._

I open my eyes again when Jasper re-enters the room, and I give him a weak smile.

"Here sit up." I follow his soft command and lean back against the headboard. Eagerly, I take the medicine and water from Jasper and swallow down the extra-strength pills. I immediately collapse back onto my soft mattress and warm pillows. He smiles sadly at me before taking a deep breath.

"Um, also, Edward, did I... do something... to you... um... last night," he sounds so unsure of his words, so un-Jasper. I must have really freaked him out.

I groan again, more now because I'm disappointed in the way I acted after the party. I was embarrassed. I was drunk. I wanted to shout out my feelings to him! Instead, though, I acted like a complete douche and ignored him.

"It's just... we normally sleep together," he continues, and I can't take it anymore.

"I like you, okay," I yell, making my headache worse. "I like you," I repeat, using my inside voice.

"What?" Jasper asks in confusion. "I hope you like me, Edward. Shit, I mean, you're my motherfuckin' boyfriend."

"No, Jasper," I say, covering my face with my forearm. "I really, really like you - a lot. I was feeling all emotionally drunk last night, and I had to keep all that shit inside. I wanted to just grab you at the party and let everyone know that you belong to me, but I was scared and nervous and I didn't want to freak you out."

He pulls my arm from my face. "You ignored me because you really like me?" he confirms with a small smile.

"It's just scary, Jasper. This is all so fucking scary, ya know?"

He turns away for a moment, and when he looks back, his hands are clasped together and he has a dreamy look in his eye. "You like me," he repeats in a girlish voice. "You really like me!" He follows up his moment with a flutter of his eyelashes.

Despite my throbbing head, I sit up to glare at him properly. He laughs. "Are you done, Sally Field?" I ask after he quiets down.

"Oh, shit, you are so gay for knowing that!" he exclaims with a wide grin.

"Me?" I ask, affronted. "You're the one who recreated her Oscar speech!" I insist.

Jasper shakes his head. "No, man, I knew that quote, like everyone does," he adds. "I had no idea who said it. Therefore, you plus Sally Field knowledge equals super gay," he rationalizes. Too bad Jasper is only rational to himself, the jackass.

"You are just as gay as I am," I retort, and this causes him to smile.

"No doubt about it," he says, immediately leaning in to kiss me. He pulls back and gives me an inquisitive look. "You know," he starts, running his finger along my shoulder and down my arm. "That's the first time I think I've ever heard you say that you were gay just upfront like that."

I think about it while I lean into his touch. "You may be right," I tell him in a soft whisper. "Do I get a cookie?"

Jasper licks his lips and looks me up and down in a way that can only be described as probable. As in, it's probable that I'm about to lose my pants...

He drops his lips to my cheek and run them toward my ear. "I can think of something so much better than a cookie," he whispers. "Do you want me to give it to you, Edward?"

Headache and dry mouth hangover be damned! I want him to give it to me! This, though, brings the taste of my mouth to the forefront of my mind.

"I'm waiting," he whispers, planting a firm kiss on my neck. "Impatiently," he adds.

Cringing, because I know what I have to do and I know it's going to kill the mood, but I know I need to say it anyway, I ask, "Can I have a moment?"

Jasper groans and stands up. "Really?" he asks with a sigh.

"Jasper, I feel absolutely_ disgusting_," I tell him, emphasizing the last word. "My breath is hot and nasty, and I can smell myself," I continue. "The stink is leaking out of my skin!"

He chuckles. "Well, it sounds to me as if you're in desperate need for a shower."

My shoulders relax, and I let out a small hum of pleasure. "A shower would be amazing," I agree. "After, I brush my teeth."

With that, I jump up, well, actually, I slowly stand up. My head still doesn't feel completely right. While I'm scrubbing at my nasty white tongue, Jasper doesn't take his eyes off of me. Watching him in the mirror, I practically moan when our eyes connect. God, he makes me feel... horny.

Well, fuck, what a dumb word, but I suppose it's the best one to describe how I feel. I guess excited would do. How else could I phrase it? Turned on? Charged up? He revs my engine? Why are all these phrases so electrical? I'm not fucking Powder. Well, I'm not albino, either, but that's obvious...

"If only I could peek inside your head," Jasper says, breaking me out of my thoughts.

I spit out the toothpaste, rinse my mouth out and smile at him in the mirror. "I think you would get lost," I reply. "It's a jumbled up place."

"You'd hold my hand, though, right?" he asks in a playful voice.

I turn back to look at him. "I'll never let go, Jack," I whisper.

Jasper snorts in laughter. "You know he fucking freezes to death," he says, shaking his head.

"What can I say?" I ask, grabbing my toiletries. I roll the towel up. "I'm an ice cold killa!" I rap out, snapping the towel in his direction. Without actually meaning to, I make direct contact with his arm. The crack when it hits him is really fucking loud. He looks at his arm, then at me and then back to his arm once more. He stands up, and my feet are already turning toward the door.

"You're so gonna get it," he warns, and I take off with a laugh. I try to slam the door behind me to give me some more time, but he catches it. With wide eyes, I hightail it into the bathroom and hide in a shower stall.

I hear the door swing open. "You know," Jasper comments a moment later, "hiding in the boy's room doesn't do you much good since I'm also a guy, Edward." A curtain across from me is flung open. I hold my breath. I hear curtain after curtain being opened. Then, his hand sneaks through the crack at the side of the shower I'm in, gripping the plastic...

I'm a goner.

"Gotcha," he smirks.

I hold my hands up in front of me. "Hey, now, that was an accident, Jasper," I tell him, and he arches his brow at me in response.

He shakes his head slowly. "You know I was going to give you a reward, Edward, but now? Now, you might need to be punished." He takes a step closer, still outside the stall.

"I'm gay, though, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," he replies with a smile before he pulls his t-shirt off over his head, leaving him in just his boxer-briefs. His very tight boxer-briefs. His very tight boxer-briefs that don't hide... anything.

"Jasper!" I gasp, leaning out of the shower, thankful to find an empty bathroom. "What are..." he puts his fingers against my lips, hushing me.

"It's just you and me, Edward," he says softly, stepping into the shower with me and closing the plastic curtain behind us. I quickly realize that I never put a shirt on last night, and we are both standing in the shower in only our underwear. "It's just you and me," he repeats, whispering the words into my ear, "and I'm feeling pretty dirty." I gulp down the saliva pooling in my mouth. "I definitely need a shower." With those words, his underwear are gone, kicked out of the shower without a care.

"Um," is my only response, my eyes glued to his dick.

A snort or a chuckle, I can't be sure, escapes his lips before he moves forward, squats down and pushes my boxers down, revealing my erection. I wait for him to stand up, but he doesn't. He just eyeballs my cock, and it twitches under his feral gaze. He leans in. My breath catches in my throat, and he kisses the curve of my hip, lavishing the area with his tongue. He traces a path above my pubic hair to the other hip, repeating the teasing treatment.

He grins up at me, and my whole body shudders, which makes him chuckle. He stands and traps me in his arms, pressing our bodies together...

"Fuck!" I curse when the freezing water hits my back. It turns warm a second later. "Jasper," I whine.

"That was me getting you back for snapping me with your towel," he laughs. He kisses my shoulder. "This, though," he leans over and catches my nipple in his mouth, flicking his tongue over the sensitive skin, "is your reward."

He drops back into a crouch, his face level with my erection, and a small high-pitched gurgling sound escapes my throat. "Jasper," is all I can get out before he runs his tongue the length of the underside of my dick, ending with a kiss on the tip. "Oh, fuck, shit," I curse ineloquently.

He grins and kisses the inside of my thigh, nipping lightly. "Like that?" he asks, and he must be kidding because he has to know how fucking amazing that felt!

"Ung," is my intelligent answer because he immediately does it again. When I don't think I can handle any more licking, he adds sucking, taking the head of my cock into his mouth. I reach out to brace myself, and then remember where we are.

"Shower," I mumble as he continues his task happily. "Public shower!" I pull on his hair, to pull him up off the disgusting floor, but he just hums happily. The vibrations nearly knock me over. I can't even keep my eyes open. I glance down one more time, and his ass...

His ass is pressed against the wall, and the germs... the germs...

the... _shit. do that again. like that. oh, fuck. tongue. hands. pressure, fantastic pressure. need. need. need. need. going to. can't. can't. jasper._

"Fuuuuuuuck!" I yell out as I cum hard into his mouth, and I watch with heavy breath as he swallows it all down. "Oh my god," I wheeze.

He smiles and stands up. He kisses me hard, causing me to moan. His tongue twirls with mine, and I can taste myself. I'm not going to lie, it's a little bit gross, but not gross enough to not want to return the favor to Jasper. I'd be happy to, really.

He pulls away after a moment, grinning at me. "Mmm," he murmurs. "I loved that."

"You?" I ask in disbelief. "I loved that!" I retort. It was my dick after all.

He laughs. "I'm glad you did, Edward because I'm going to be doing it a lot."

"What about..." I trail off, looking down at his dick, which is... not hard. What the fuck?

He kisses me again. "I couldn't wait. I had to take care of it myself while I had your cock in my mouth." His words send a tingle down my spine.

"I would have..." I start, but he interrupts me with another kiss.

"I know," he answers. "Later." Then his mouth is sucking at my neck, and it feels unbelievable.

"Oh god, Jasper," I moan. My eyes fly open. "Oh, god, Jasper!" I repeat, this time in disgust.

He looks up at me in alarm. "What is it?" he asks, and I shake my head, crinkling my nose. I grab my body wash that I was thankfully holding before Jasper chased me out the dorm.

"Turn around," I tell him, and he gives me a look but does as I ask.

I squirt the soap onto his lower back and start to lather it into the areas I know touched the walls. "Edward," he says as I'm rubbing the body wash on his upper thighs. "Not that I'm not enjoying this, but what are you doing?"

***~E~***

"Where have you been?" Bella asks, glancing down at her watch. I hug her in greeting. "You were supposed to be here an hour ago!"

I give her a guilty smile as we sit down at a table in the Student Center.

"Jasper?" is all she asks. I nod, and she laughs. "Fine," she huffs. "I'm only forgiving you because you're such a smitten kitten."

I shake my head in disbelief. "Uh, Bella, I know I'm gay and all," I whisper, "but can you please refrain from calling me a 'smitten kitten' ever again."

"Alright," she laughs. "Seriously, though, how's it going between you two?"

I can feel the goofy grin on my face, but it's the damnedest thing - I can't seem to stop it. "Oh my god!" she squeals. "Look at your face! You're totally in loooove."

"No, I'm not," I insist weakly. "It's just, he makes me... happy." Then, I actually sigh. Shit, I do have it bad.

She smiles at me. "Have you told your dad and Alice yet?" she asks, and I plummet face first back into reality.

"No," I answer her question. "It's just..." I trail off. "I don't know. It's hard."

She gives me a sad smile. "I can imagine. Are you scared of telling them?"

Shrugging, I lock my eyes with the table top. "I'm not sure scared is the right word," I reply. "It's like this - when I'm with Jasper, it's amazing. There's nothing better, and I'm completely comfortable with this newly discovered part of me." I pause and lower my voice to a whisper. "I'm gay." She gives me an encouraging smile. "I am, and I know that. It's just when I think about everyone knowing that - people looking, judging, hating me for no reason, it's when I start to freak. I need time to deal with it all, to work it out in my head! It's like I have had this crash course through the real Edward Cullen 101, but I still might fail the final if I don't study some more." I swish my mouth from side to side in thought.

"Yikes, school metaphors," Bella muses, and I give her a small smile. "Is Jasper okay with waiting for you to come out completely?"

I shrug. "I think so," my voice rises in the end, making it sound like a question. Bella raises her brow in response.

"Is he pushing you?" she asks, her question laced with irritation. "Because if he is..."

"No," I interrupt. "Not really." I shake my head. "I just get the feeling sometimes that he wants our relationship to be more public. Then, I get the totally opposite feeling from him. I think he's as conflicted as I am, but when I talk to my dad or Alice and he's in the room, I see him watching me, waiting for me to tell them about me or about him, about us, I guess. I'm not meaning to hide, Bella," I assure her, looking her with wide eyes, asking her to believe me.

"You've come so far in so little time, Edward," she says to me, placing her hand on my shoulder. "How could anyone be anything but proud of you. We all come to terms with things in our own time."

Grateful, I give her a big smile. "Thanks, Bella. I needed to hear that."

She smiles, but it drops into a sneer. "If you ever feel like he's pushing you, though, just let me know, and so help me, I will stick my foot up his ass!" she threatens.

"Scary!" I laugh, but I do appreciate her not so frightening warning. "I happen to like his ass, though, thank you very much!"

"Oh, you do, do you?" she giggles.

I picture his ass, covered in those tight red briefs I saw the other day on him, clinging perfectly to his smooth skin. "Yeah," I reply in a daze. "I really, really do."

She grins at me, her eyes wide with excitement. "Jasper and Edward sitting in..." she sings until I clamp my hand over her mouth. A second later I pull my hand away, disgusted.

"Did you just fucking lick me?" I ask in shock, wiping my hand on my jeans. She just sticks her tongue out at me. "You're so gross."

She giggles. "Yeah, don't come close or I'll lick you to death," she threatens, wiggling her tongue at me.

"Sweet tongue action!" A dude says to her when he walks behind her. She immediately rolls her tongue back into her mouth, blushing furiously. Clutching my sides, I try not to fall out of my chair I'm laughing so hard.

"Stop!" she hisses before dropping her head to the table in embarrassment. She slaps me on the arm a moment later when I'm still laughing. "Edward, seriously, people are starting to stare," she warns me.

Finally, about a minute later, I've gotten myself under control, and I'm wiping the tears of laughter out from under my eyes. "God, that felt good," I breathe out.

"I'm glad my mortification amuses you!" she sneers.

I shake my head. "You can't blame it on me, Bella. You're the one who chose to gyrate your tongue in the Student Center."

She glares at me, crossing her arms over her chest. "I did not 'gyrate' anything, you ass!"

My comeback is put on hold when Bella's phone rings, and her eyes light up. "Hello?" she says into the phone. She holds her finger up to me and stands, walking over to the corner to have her conversation. I watch as she claps her hand over her mouth to hide her giggles. _Now who looks like a smitten kitten_? I think to myself.

Then, I immediately regret it. Kittens, bad. I need to remember that. It doesn't matter that they're all fluffy and small, pouncing...

No!

Bella comes back and slides back into her chair, a dreamy look on her face. "Alright, spill," I demand. "Who is he?"

"Huh?" she asks, shaking her head, almost like she's just coming back into consciousness. "Nobody." She grins.

"Who was on the phone?" I ask.

"Jacob." A blush rises on her cheeks.

"Jacob? You're friend from back home?"

She nods, biting her bottom lip to prevent the smug grin from overtaking her face. "Winter break was enlightening, to say the least." Then, she winks.

She fucking winks!

"I'm happy for you, Bella," I tell her because I really am. I've felt so guilty about my actions and how I used her. I'm glad she's found someone that can make her smile like that. She deserves it.

She grabs my hand on top of the table, squeezing once before letting go. "I'm happy for you, too, Edward. I'm serious."

I smile at her before snapping back into reality. "Okay, okay," I laugh. "This is quickly becoming Mush Fest 2010, and I'm not equipped for that."

Laughing, Bella nods in agreement. Then, her eyes widen, and she licks her lips. "Shit, Edward, beautiful man coming this way," she whispers.

Checking out guys with Bella feels almost surreal. Smiling, I casually turn in that direction, and she's right - he's fucking hot.

He still doesn't have anything on Jasper, though.

* * *

**Sooo... what do you think? Did I go all Mush Fest 2010? LOL. I didn't mean to. ;) **

**Y'all I have been review replier failure for a while now, and I apologize for that. I'm normally pretty good about getting back to you, but I haven't been recently. Please know that I read all your reviews, and I adore them. I also do plan on replying, but I might be responding to a review from months ago. Remember that when you open it and go, "huh?"**

**Jen - you're awesome. I just wanted you to tell you that again. 3**

**Review. I'll like, ya know, read it with a big ass goofy grin on my face...**


	24. Jasper & Betty Crocker

**Oh, hi, waves. Look at this... not even two weeks later and a new chapter of ATD. I think I may just pat myself on the back a bit. ;) **

**First things first, thanks to OnTheTurningAway for doing some last minute beta-ing. She's awesome. Thanks to GiveUsAKiss413 for pre-reading. Well, pre-reading at her demand. lol. Then, big kisses and shit to the girls I WC with and Jude who keeps demanding that I write. Also, since I'm apparently accepting an Oscar, thanks to YogaGal for taunting her finished chapter and outtake in my face, forcing me to finish my chapter.**

**Also, I want you all to know that I do read and love every review. I am in sheer backlogged review reply purgatory. I'm really behind. At some point, I will catch up. Just know that I love them all. **

**Alright, I don't own them, but the words they say are mine, I suppose. Also, please read the AN at the end for some other info.**

* * *

"No, Jasper!" he says, frustration obvious in voice. "You can't do that," he sighs.

I slam the door shut and then cross my arms over my chest. "Why not?"

Edward pinches the bridge of his nose and lets out a deep breath. He is completely overdoing it with his whole "this is bothering me so much" act – the big baby.

"We have gone over this again and again," he reminds me. "I know you're smart. I don't see why this is so damn hard for you!"

"This is new for me, Edward!" I complain. I can hear the sheer whininess in my voice, but I don't even care any more. If he knows so much about this, why can't he just do all of it? I don't see why I need to even be here. "I've never had to do this before," I continue my rant.

He just rolls his eyes at me – what an unsympathetic bastard. "What did you do last year?"

"I just waited…"

"You brought it all home for someone else to deal with," he interrupts, shaking his head in disappointment. "You've been coddled. That's the problem," he says to me, all matter of fact like and I've had about all of the Dr. Phil shit I can handle in one afternoon.

"Give that to me!" I demand, holding my hand out.

Edward grimaces. "Remember that –"

I put my other hand in front of his face – cutting him off in an obnoxious way. I don't even care anymore if it pisses him off. We've been here for fucking hours. I'm cranky, and I'm about to lose my shit.

"Fine," he snaps, finally giving me what I asked for. He grabs his stuff. "I hope your clothes shrink," he says to me right before leaving the laundry room.

An hour later, I'm standing in front of the mirror, tugging on the bottom of my favorite Radiohead t-shirt, trying to get it to reach the hem of my jeans. I hear Edward snickering behind me, so I glare at his reflection.

When he catches my evil eye, though, it does the opposite of what I intended it to do, and he starts laughing.

Not just chuckling either. He's laughing so hard he has to pause his game to hold his side as he rolls around on the floor.

"I like your baby tee, man," he chokes out through heavy breath, and not the kind of heavy breath I dig, where we would be naked and shit. No, this is just because he's laughing at me.

"Shut up," I grit out through clenched teeth. "It's your fault."

That shuts him up. "You can't blame this on me!" he snaps. "It's not my fucking fault you look like Britney Spears at Coachella."

Rolling my eyes makes me feel better, so I put some extra commitment into the act.

"I am not Britney fucking Spears!" I tell him, still fruitlessly pulling on the bottom of my shirt. "Take that back, dickhead."

He stands up, taking deliberately slow steps toward me. When he is right in my face, he says, "Hit. Me. Baby. One. More. Time."

Now, in reality, these words are probably the stupidest words that could ever be said in an argument, but it's not a funny thing that my OK Computer t-shirt is ruined! I've had this fucking thing for years. I'd take a bullet for Thom Yorke. I'd have his fucking child - well, like, figuratively, of course. So, no, normally, I would not be laughing over this shitty situation.

It's just that, Edward came at me with, "Hit me baby one more time." A fucking Britney Spears song was his comeback, and it's so fucking retarded that it's hilarious.

Really, I don't have another choice but to laugh, and laugh I do. I laugh like a motherfucker until I can't see through the tears streaming down my cheeks and my sides feel like they're about to bust wide open. After a moment of my crazy laughter, Edward joins in, and soon we're leaning on each other, hoping one of us has the strength and the intelligence to hold both our asses up.

It's really no surprise when we crash to the floor about two seconds later.

I'd still be laughing probably if our floor wasn't so damn hard. I swear, this asphalt-like carpet is only covering more concrete. It has to be. I think I bruised a hip. If I had been an old dude, I would have been in trouble - you know, brittle bones and shit like that.

"God, please can Britney Spears never enter the realm of another one of our conversations ever?" I ask once I've gotten my breathing back under control.

Edward smiles at me. "It's kinda hard not to say something when you're wearing that belly tee, Jasper," he replies with a wink.

Well, fuck, I know the answer to that. Without another word, I wrestle the tiny shirt off of my body which, by the way, is no easy feat. A second or ten later, it's tossed aside, and I decide to give my boy some ogling time. Stretching all nice and lean like, I take my time before I lay back on the floor, folding my arms behind my head. I even tighten my ass cheeks a bit so my junk is kind of sticking out.

I smirk when his eyes go wide and he licks his lips. What can I say? The boy likes the bod, and by the state of my cock, the bod _really_ likes the boy.

"Did your jeans shrink too?" Edward asks, and I have to smile because I definitely didn't wash these Levi's today. They're just the natural snugness that I rock. Granted, they do hug my dick in a fantastic way.

"I think they did," I lie, going along with his game. "I might need some help to take them off, though. They're just so tight."

He nods, his mouth slightly agape. "Yeah, I can help," he agrees, slowly moving his hands to the button of my jeans. My zipper follows, and I swear, it's like I can hear every tooth coming undone. Then, there's a tug around my ankles, so I lift my ass, helping him get me out of my clothes.

"There," he says once I'm down to my briefs. "That's better." He smiles at me, and it's so fucking honest and happy. I just want to eat him up. And, by eat him up, I mean fuck him into the mattress, of course.

"You know, Edward," I start, barely able to conceal my gleeful grin, "I think my underwear are more than a little tight as well." I rub my hand across my hard cock just to emphasize my point - as if he didn't already know what I was talking about.

I'm sure he did, but there's nothing wrong with helping him along a bit.

Especially, if that means he's going to come any where in the near vicinity of my dick.

I watch his Adams apple bob out when he gulps loudly. "I can see that," he stammers. "We should get you out of those before they cut off your circulation."

Now, I love dirty talk as much as the next dude, but the fact that Edward is getting comfortable enough with our sex life to make dumb little jokes like that, seriously turns me on. Sex is hot, yeah, but it's also fun and enjoyable and sometimes you're out of control but sometimes you're laughing and that's good too.

"I wouldn't want that to happen," I agree, immediately pushing my underwear down and off my body. "Well, fuck, look at that," I comment, glancing down at my erection. "I think this is what's really cutting off my circulation."

Edward laughs for a second, all quick and nervous like. I swear, this boy is just about too cute for me to handle. Seriously, he makes me feel all sorts of embarrassing things of the preteen girl variety. Tingles and butterflies and other shit that I would never mention out loud because it would be way too detrimental to my manhood.

Edward reaches out and wraps his hand around the base of my dick. "Can I..." he starts to ask, but I quickly interrupt.

"Seriously?" I laugh in disbelief. "Trust in the fact that you don't have to ask to put your hand on my junk, dude," I assure him. "You can touch me whenever you fucking feel like it. Like, if we were in the student center, and you wanted to stroke my dick, I'd whip that shit out so - motherfuck..." my words trail off when his hand pumps my cock.

"I fucking feel like it now," he laughs, using my words.

"Go with your feelings," I agree, letting my head fall back. My eyes close from the sheer pleasure of it all. His hand feels so fucking good.

He chuckles and then gets down to business, speeding his hand up. Not nearly long enough later, his hand is no longer moving, and I lift my head to glare at him. Then, he actually removes his hand from my cock all together. That's just not fucking cool.

"Don't stop!" I demand, but it comes out more like a whine. I don't really give a shit if I sound all needy, though. I need his hand back

Edward closes his eyes and steels his shoulders. I watch him, intrigued. He seems to be talking to himself - like silently in his head.

What the fuck?

"Edward," I whisper his name, and he takes one more deep breath through his nose before his eyes open.

"I can do this," is what I think he says to himself. He kinda just mouthed it, and I was never really any good at reading lips. I was always that kid going, "wha? wha?" and shaking my head in confusion.

I'm about to ask him what he's going on about, but then he's leaning over and _oh my holy shit balls_ his mouth is on my cock.

"Fuck," I hiss as he runs his tongue up and down the length of my shaft.

He lifts his head up to look at me, and I fight back the growl in my throat because he can't seriously take away his mouth after only two seconds. It's like having the best fucking dessert swiped away from you after only one bite. Then, for like forever, all you can think about is that tasty treat and how you never got enough.

I mean, it's kinda like that, but then it's not, you know, because it's a blow job from Edward that I'm talking about here. And, blow jobs from fuckawesome hot boys trump desserts every single damn time.

Betty Crocker sure as hell ain't going to suck my cock.

"Is this okay?" Edward asks, and I stop myself from screaming at him about that being a dumb ass question to ask and that he needs to put his mouth back where it belongs because he looks so fucking sweet and sincere in a way only Edward can.

"Okay?" I practically yell. "It's more than okay, Edward. It's like a motherfuckin' revelation."

He smiles at me, his hand once again stroking my dick. "Revelation," he repeats, rolling his eyes, but I can tell he's happy that I'm happy, and that makes me even more happy that he's happy that I'm happy and it's fucking sick it's so sweet.

Motherfucker!

And, his mouth is back on my dick, licking around the head like it's an ice cream cone melting on a hot summer day, all desperate and quick like.

That's totally fine by me. Lick away, Edward. Lick. Away.

Then, he's taking me down, and my hands are in his hair, guiding him slowly, hopefully showing how him how awesome I think he is by just my hands in his hair.

"Oh god just like that," I moan. Oh, well, apparently, I'm going to show him with my words as well. That shit just slipped out.

"Fuck, Edward!"

That did too.

I hiss when the right amount of teeth become too much teeth, and he backs off, looking guilty, and that's just not going to do tonight. Without being too obvious, I push him back down to business.

"I get it," Edward remarks when his face is mashed firmly against my cock. See there, that was a totally smooth move - not obvious at all.

***~J~***

…_I live in a graveyard. I wanna go out but it's too hot. Yeah, I'm just as see-through as Casper the Ghost. Oh, I hope you know I wanna get out of here. Help me get out of here_…

Grabbing my phone out my pocket with one hand and scanning my FOB over the lock and quickly catching the door with my other hand is a more difficult task than I imagined it would be. It takes me three tries to even get the door open.

"Fuck," I curse when I drop my cell phone on the ground. Then, because I'm apparently brain damaged, I accidentally kick it across the dorm lobby.

Sliding my keys back into my pocket, I cross the lobby, shaking my head at my stupidity. Who does something like that?

…_I live in a graveyard. I wanna go out but it's too hot. Yeah, I'm just as see-through as Casper the Ghost. Oh, I hope you know I wanna get out of here. Help me get out of here_…

Alright, whoever it is means business. That's two calls in a row.

Shit.

Must be Rose.

I pick up my phone and answer without checking the caller ID.

"Hello?"

"_JJ_."

Oh, I'm fucking psychic, but not in a good way. Rose sounds frustrated. If I was a smart psychic,

I wouldn't have answered the phone. Where is Miss Cleo when you need her?

"_Fucking finally_!" she screeches.

Man, she is just the sweetest, and by that I mean, if you had Hitler, the chick from _Species_ and Rosalie together in a room, she would definitely be the sweetest person in the room.

Pressing the button for the elevator, I wait impatiently for the door to slide open. This thing is as slow as Stephen Hawking in a fucking foot race.

"It's good to hear from you, too, Sis," I respond, rolling my eyes. "What's up?"

Finally the doors open, so I step in. When some other guy walks up, I thrust my hand out automatically, stopping the doors from closing so he can get on - which, by the way, was a stupid thing to do because I am never quite sure the door won't just close anyway, squashing my fingers as easily as Vienna sausages.

Not to mention, now, I'm on the phone with my sister and stuck in a slow elevator with some random dude. I'm pretty much positive Rose will end up saying something…

"_Have y'all had some sword fights yet_?"

**Embarrassing.**

"Excuse me?" I ask, trying to keep a straight face. The other dude bites his lip at the same time as Rosalie's question, and I'm starting to worry my phone is way too fucking loud or something.

"_Have you touched his dick_?" she clarifies, speaking slowly and very loudly. Stranger dude coughs, obviously hiding laughter.

I contemplate hanging up on her, but I know my sister – that would not be my smartest move. I wouldn't be surprised if she took that as an excuse to race over here and bitch at me to my face.

It wouldn't be the first time.

I turn my face to wall and cover my phone with my hand. "Rose," I hiss. "Stop."

"_What_? _Why_?" she asks, sounding affronted. "_I can't ask a little question_? _This isn't communist _

_Russia, JJ!" _

"Oh my god," I groan into the phone. "How does that even make sense?"

I glance over at the other dude, but he's staring at the ceiling, obviously trying to give me some privacy. I just want to get off this elevator.

"_It makes sense_," she sneers. "_Maybe you're just too big of an idiot to understand the reference_."

Finally the doors ding open, and I practically spill out of it, rushing away from that death trap mechanism. I really should start taking the stairs. It's only four floors, and it's not like the exercise would hurt me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm all in shape and shit, but it never hurts to add a little more cardio to your day when you can. I learned that from that tool bag Matthew McCounaughey. Yeah, he brushes his teeth all the time in his car, but he's got a hot body.

"Um, Rose, Communism isn't a hard reference to get, but I was not alone a minute ago and you are really fucking loud."

"_It's not my fault you need to turn the volume down on your phone_," she huffs.

I can already tell this is not going to be an argument I'm going to win. With Rosalie as a sister, you definitely learn to follow Kenny Roger's advice. I know when to fold them - like right now. Thanks Gambler.

"Yeah, it's no big deal," I tell her. "So, what's up, Rose?"

"_Well, I haven't heard from you since you went back to school, and I want to know what's going on,"_ she demands.

I make it to our door and unlock it, finding an empty room. I toe off my shoes and then collapse on my bed. Man, I fucking love college. It's one in the afternoon, and I'm done for the day.

"What do you mean, what's going on?" I ask. "What's going on with you?"

"_Don't try to evade the question_," she warns. "_Tell me what is happening with you and Edward_!"

"Edward and I are just…"

"_Don't give me that!"_ she interrupts. "_You wouldn't tell me what was going on the whole time you were home for break, but I could tell that something changed between y'all. I want to know! Tell me, right now_!"

"Jesus Christ, woman, chill the fuck out," I say, adding a "please," at the end as an afterthought.

"_I'm so fucking chilled I'm practically frozen. I bet I could just snap my nipples right off_," she yells, and that was... disgusting. I did not need that visual. God, Rosalie needs to learn some damn boundaries between what is and is not acceptable to say to your brother. She needs a Brita pitcher for her mind - filter that shit.

"_Now, spill_!" she demands.

Should I tell her about Edward? She's being a nag right now. Do I even want to share about him and our relationship. Well, shit, according to the goofy fucking smile that is now consuming my face, I can't even pretend to be annoyed. More than anything, I just want to gush about Edward to her.

God, I think my balls shriveled up and fell off with that last thought.

"We're dating," I admit, and she squeals loudly into the phone. I'm talking, I had to hold the phone as far as I could away from my ear but I could still hear her, loud.

"_That's awesome_," she says to me, and I can tell she means it. Rose really just wants me to be happy, and I know she loves me. She's my big sister. That's why I let most of her assholeiness go in one ear and out the other.

"I think so," I admit. "I really dig him."

"_Duh._"

"Duh, what?"

"_Duh, I knew you liked him for forever_."

"Um, because I told you that, Rose," I tell her, shaking my head. Jesus, she can be so annoying.

"_Well, whatever, it doesn't matter who told who what_," she dismisses my statement because she knows she's wrong. "_All that matters is that you two are together, right_?"

I roll my eyes. "I guess." I silently congratulate myself on being the victor of this part of the conversation.

"_Whatever. I'm totally right_," she says in response.

The door knob turns up, and I look up in excitement. Edward walks in, looking all fucking hot in his jeans and coat. Well, really, he looks hot no matter what he's wearing… or not wearing.

"Hey," I mouth to him, pointing at the phone. He smiles and nods at me before taking off his coat and hanging it on the hook on the door.

Well, fuck, hello there Edward's tight shirt and underwear sticking out of the top of his low jeans.

I close my mouth to stop from drooling.

"_I was really calling to ask you what you wanted for your birthday_," Rose says, breaking me out of my lust induced thoughts.

"My birthday?" I repeat, my brain obviously not working. Edward looks over his shoulder at me. I grin at him, and he blushes.

Well, shit, be still my throbbing cock.

"_Yeah, you know that thing that happens every January twenty-ninth_," she snaps into the phone.

"_I swear, JJ, you're fucking out of it today_."

"Yeah, I know," I tell her, watching Edward sit down at his desk. He grabs something out of his backpack. Please, be what I think it is…

YES! It is. I stare at him as he slides his glasses onto his face.

"_JJ_?" she screams.

Edward looks over at me and fucking smirks. Then, get this, he licks his lips. I'm gonna bust a nut in my pants.

"Rose, I gotta go," I tell her. I can hear her yelling at me as I'm closing the phone, but I don't care. She can drive up here if she fucking wants. It means I have hours alone with my boy until she gets here.

"Jasper?" Edward asks my name like a question, so I look back at him. He's turned toward me, his feet crossed casually in front of him. God, he looks so hot. I love those glasses on him. He stands up and opens his mouth to say something else, but before he can I'm off my bed, crossing the room and pressing my lips to his.

My hands roam over his body and through his hair. I can feel his glasses pressed against my face, now askew, and that makes me extremely happy - and super hard.

"Want you," I manage to mumble out before I push him back onto his bed, latching my mouth back to his a second later. While our kissing gets more intense and all sloppy in a good way, my fingers are busy at work, slipping off his t-shirt and unbuttoning his jeans. Then, thank god, he's in only his underwear, but I fix that, pulling them off in one fell swoop.

"Fuck yeah," I hiss, licking my lips when I take in his naked body, his chest rising and falling with heavy breath, a flushed face topped off deliciously with those black frames.

He lets out a shaky moan when I move down his body, thrusting my tongue into his belly button. "Not that I don't like this but - fuuuck..."

His words are cut off when I take the head of his cock into my mouth, swirling my tongue around it. God, he tastes fucking amazing. "Jasper," he whispers my name, and that shit just spurs me on and the next thing you know I'm slurping and moaning and making all kinds of noises.

Then, because of the way he starts thrusting up into my mouth and spreading his legs further and further apart, I start to get the wandering fingers.

I mean, shit, that's not my fault. It's like my fingers have a mind of their own. They just somehow end up first in my mouth and then on his ass. It is like something out of the Twilight Zone. I can't be held responsible.

The moment my fingers even graze his ass, Edward gasps, but it doesn't sound bad, so I go a little further, slipping the tip of my finger in. That's when he freaks and clenches his ass as tight as he motherfucking can. I mean, I can't even wiggle my finger out. His ass is like a damn Chinese Finger-trap. Hmm... you have to push in further to get out of those damn contraptions...

"Jasper!" Edward gasps when I slip my finger in a little further. "I'm... uh... wait."

I do as he asks and waits, but it's kind of awkward since my finger is still inside his ass.

"Uh, can you like take that... um... out?" he stutters out, blushing.

I smile at him all soft like and shit. "I can, but I'm going to need you to relax a bit," I tell him, and he takes a deep breath, releasing me from my imprisonment. Well, I wouldn't call it prison. I sure as hell didn't mind being trapped there.

Once his ass is again finger free, Edward grabs the pillow and puts it on top of his face, groaning loudly into it. "Edward, I should have asked. I'm sorry, dude," I apologize. "I guess I just got carried away."

He says something to me, but it's muffled by the pillow. I grab it and throw it across the room so I can see his face. "I'm not going to do something you're not ready for," I let him know.

"It was... different," he says to me, and I nod because a finger up your ass can definitely be categorized as different.

"Good or bad?" I ask.

"I don't know," he says with a sigh."It was just different. I don't know what else to say."

I swish my lips from side to side in thought. "Well, would you want to try it again?"

Edward looks down at his no longer excited cock and starts to fidget. I guess it is one thing for him to be all worked up and naked, but he doesn't seem to be digging it so much now. I guess it doesn't help that I'm still fully clothed.

"Can we try that another time when I'm ready?" he finally asks, and I tell him of course, kissing him on the lips. He's still kind of squirming, so taking pity on my boy, I grab his boxers from the floor and hand them to him. He gives me a grateful smile and then slips them back on his body.

So long, Edward's cock, I think sadly to myself. I hope to see you again real soon.

Edward stands and starts to put back on all his clothes, and it's hard for me to hide my disappointment. I miss naked Edward.

He straightens his glasses and sits back at his desk, just going back to homework all nice and normal - except his book is upside down and he hasn't even noticed.

"Jasper?"

I smile at him. "Yeah?"

"Why didn't you tell me you're birthday was coming up?" he questions, his brows furrowed in confusion.

"Um, I guess I just didn't think about it," I tell him sheepishly. "It's not a big deal."

He stands up, shaking his head. "Not a big deal?" he repeats, kind of sounding alarmed. "Of course it's a big deal. It's your fucking birthday!"

I smile, shaking my head. "It's just another day, really."

He stares at me, his expression unreadable. "Jasper," he says after a moment. "I want to know those things about you. I mean, I should know when your birthday is!"

"Yeah, that's probably true," I admit. "It's the twenty-ninth."

He grabs his planner, obviously jotting it down. "Oh, that's a Friday," he tells me with a smile. "We should go out."

I agree with him, and he grins at me, writing down something else. "Mine is June twentieth," he says after a moment. "Write that shit down. It's important."

I laugh but quickly key it into my phone.

"We're dating, Jasper. I mean, we should know that stuff about each other," he says again, but he sounds all unsure. I hate that.

"We'll learn all that," I assure him. "All that shit comes in time, I think. But, I mean, you know we can talk about stuff, right?"

He rubs the back of his neck in thought, and I smile at him in what I hope is an encouraging way.

He takes a deep breath. Okay, obviously, he's planning on asking me _stuff_ right now. "Why have you never…" he trails off. "No, never mind."

I stand up and thread my arms around his body. "Why have I never what?" I question.

He looks at me, his green eyes wide and gorgeous behind those black glasses that are going to haunt my wet dreams tonight. Well, not that I still have wet dreams. I'm not fucking twelve.

"Why have you never… bottomed?" he finally asks, glancing away.

"Um, what?" I mumble, laughing uncomfortably. I did not expect that question, but I guess I should have after the wandering fingers disaster. I see we've moved on from the baseball analogy finally, though.

"You just said you never, and I keep thinking about that. I mean, just that little bit of your finger felt weird, but, does it hurt?" he sputters out. "Why haven't you? I figured you expect me to do that, but what if I don't like it?"

I place my hands on his cheeks and gently get him to look at me. "Edward, are you ready for that step?" I ask. "You didn't seem to be ready," I add.

"Sometimes I feel like I am, but…" he trails off. "I don't know."

"Yeah," I say, giving him a humorless smile. "I get that."

"I just don't know why you've never… you know," he says again.

"Taken up the ass?" I ask crassly, and he grimaces at bit but nods.

"Um, well," I mumble, one of my hands now fidgeting with my ear. Why the fuck am I so uncomfortable all of a sudden? "It's just that… I've never… and it's… um… I'm scared," I finally admit.

His eyes squint, studying my face. "Scared?" he repeats.

I chuckle nervously, running my hand through my hair. I walk across the room, facing away from him. I can't say this shit to his face. I'm surprised I'm saying this shit at all, really. I don't even know where it's coming from.

I fucking hate talking about my feelings.

"You're scared?" he repeats himself, now sounding like he's on the verge of laughing which is so not fucking cool.

"Yeah, scared, okay?" I say, sharper than I intended.

"Why?"

I sigh. I make it a pathetic sigh, too. I might as well go all out. "Edward, I can't… do that…"

"You expect other people to, though," he says. "You expect me to."

"I don't expect anything!" I yell.

"You just put your finger in my butt, Jasper," Edward retorts, scoffing. "I'd definitely say you expect to stick something else there."

"God, Edward, yeah, okay?" I respond. "Yes, I would fucking love to have sex with you and show you how good it can be for you, but I don't fucking expect anything out of you. It's your choice. We both have a choice in this. I choose not to bottom. Let's just leave it at that."

"Has no one done that for you?" he asks. "Taken care of you? Made it good for you like you said?"

Can't he see that I don't want to talk about this! I turn toward him, and I can't stop myself from snapping, "Oh, I can guarantee that fucking you will be good for me, Edward."

I watch the muscles in his jaw clench. Good, he's getting angry too. "Don't act like that," he warns me.

"Act like what?" I ask, frustrated and exasperated. "I'm just telling the truth. I can't wait to fuck you," I sneer.

Edward mumbles something under his breath before moving across the room and putting his coat on. He doesn't turn back to me when he says, "I'm going to get something to eat at the cafeteria. I hope that when I get back, we can talk without you being a dick."

With that, he slams the door behind him, and I slide down the edge bed until my ass lands on the floor. I rest my elbows on my knees and my head in my hands.

This is not how I saw my afternoon going.

Fuckin' Edward acting all high and mighty, better than me, leaving the room to avoid a tiny little argument… didn't even look back. He's all oh look at me – being the bigger person and shit.

Well, fuck that!

He should be jumping for joy that I want to fuck him because I've had boys line up before to have me fuck them. See if I'll fuck him now…

Then, my throat constricts painfully, and my stomach clenches from the thought of not ever being with Edward.

I want to fuck him. I do. I mean, I _really _do. That is like number one on my to-do list right now - sex with Edward.

I have messed that up?

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

Seriously.

I had Edward, in glasses no less, and what do I do? I piss him off so badly he leaves. We could have been dick deep in blow jobs right now, but instead, I'm sitting on the floor acting like an emo shit.

Damn it!

I just wasn't ready for those questions. I acted all douche like because I didn't know how else to act, what else to say. What does he want from me anyway?

It's just that I don't analyze every little thing about myself. I don't see the need to dig down deep and dissect every single emotion I have. Who the fuck does that?

Is that what he fucking wants, though – my secret thoughts? I mean, shit, I don't think it's a secret that I want to fuck him.

_Get serious_, I scold myself.

I know that's not what he wants to know. But, then, at the same time, I don't know. I mean what is he _really _looking for? My fears and shit? Well, fuck that. I told him I was scared, and it was hard to do. Yet, he kept on pushing. It's too fucking much for me.

I shared and I meant it. I was being as honest as I could. Does he think I want to feel like that all weak and shit?

I sure as fuck don't like being afraid of something. Fear breeds shame and situations that over power you. I'm in control in my life. I hold the power. I can handle it on my own.

And, I take it back, I'm not scared of shit.

* * *

**Uh oh. Boys can be dumb. That's all I'm going to say about that. **

**OKAY, I have auctioned myself off for FGB. That means you can buy my ass if you feel so inclined. I'm offering an original o/s where you basically give me your idea and I write it. Or, if you want a continuation of anything else I've written, this would be the place for you. :) You can also bid on an outtake/future take/alternative pov of ATD. For the ATD one it can be whatever you want. Do you want some more Intangibilities future smexy times? Will do. Would you like some James or Tanya POV? More Alice? Whatever you want - I will do my best to oblige. So, buy me if you wish. We can virtually hang out. **

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	25. Edward & the Blind Side

**Erm... yeah, so it's been like a month. Pretty much to the date. My bad. Sorry about that. I don't know why this took me so long, but I've got it finished now. I hope y'all like it.**

**Thank you so much to Ealasiad77 for lending me a beta eye. I really appreciate it! **

**I don't think there are any other announcements, so let's just get on with the story. lol**

* * *

There is a cock in my mouth, and not just any cock, Jasper's cock. Jasper's thick, hard cock is in my mouth, and I'm sucking it.

I am kinda freaking out right now.

This is an unforgettable moment in time. It's like jumping off a cliff, free falling into the abyss, hoping for the best. It's a connection...

Jasper grunts loudly, breaking my train of thought, and that's probably for the best. I was getting a little too Deepak Chopra over here.

I mean, I'm not one to mince words or make them sound all pretty and life-changing, but this is seriously a big fucking deal.

I try to take him a little deeper, but then freak myself out, and my teeth may or may not scrape his dick with a little more force than is appropriate.

Jasper lets out a sort of high pitched squeal and makes a loud hissing noise through his teeth.

It doesn't sound like enjoyment on his part, that's for sure.

So, now, I feel like shit because when Jasper used a little teeth on me, it felt fucking awesome!

I suppose, with teeth, a little goes a long way. Lesson fucking learned.

When I take my mouth off him to apologize, Jasper has other plans, and he immediately pushes my face back down.

"I get it," I tell him once my face is good and mashed back against his dick.

I still feel crazy guilty because the last thing you want to do is hurt your boyfriend's dick. I have one myself, and I would be all bent out of shape if Jasper went down all pretty like, then gnarled me with his teeth.

Weirdly enough, McGruff, the crime dog, enters my head. _Take a bite out of crime, not your guy's cock_, he grunts in that deep, cigarette voice he has. It's like, here kids, listen to a freaking _dog_ with a gravelly smoker hack about not breaking the law. I still don't understand why they use a dog wearing a flasher's coat to teach kids about right and wrong...

Jasper threads his fingers through my hair, and I turn my complete focus on what I'm doing. Contemplating McGruff can wait because Jasper is giving me that wide smile and steady keeping pressure on my head, pressing down again like he's being all smooth.

Even as anti-suave as I am, I know that his actions are anything but cool. It's fine by me, really. As long as I didn't cause permanent damage to his cock, I'm more than happy to finish the task I have already begun -

Giving a blow job.

I was pretty excited about doing this. The one I got from Jasper was unbelievable.

Seriously, Jasper gives them like a champ. That boy could work for Hoover if they had a specialized section of their company devoted to sucking dick... which would be weird now that I think about it.

"Fuck," Jasper moans, bringing me back to my task at hand, or mouth if you will, and I try to take him a little bit deeper down my throat.

When I choke on his penis, the noise I make is super eloquent. It kind of sounds like, "gughnegng."

I go back to just licking the head and stroking him with my hand. Better safe than choking to death on a penis, I always say. Well, I've never said it before, but I'm definitely going to start saying it now. I might even have that shit trademarked.

Hopefully, one day, I'll be able to handle all of him. I mean, it's pretty obvious that my skills are lacking a bit. I am new to this and all. It seems I'm going to have to work my way up to deep throating. I had a dream that I would be a pro at this like right off the bat. Dreams come true my ass. They are obvious blatant lies.

I'm definitely not ready for the Major Leagues right now... or the Minors really. Fuck, I'm probably still considered Little League. I think I'm at least past T-ball when it comes to blow jobs. Jasper seems to be enjoying it, so I guess that's all that matters really.

I pop the head of his cock into my mouth, taking in only a safe amount of his erection, of course. When I choked earlier, it's not like I felt sick, but heaven fucking forbid I barf all over his dick. I don't think I could ever recover from that. That would be the mental blocks of all mental blocks. Like this one time, I vommed after eating spaghetti, and just the thought of noodles and sauce had me gagging for like five years after it happened.

"Edward," he hisses, and I glance up at him.

He licks his lips and threads his hands tighter into my hair. I moan around his cock when he pulls a little harder, and should it freak me out that I like that so much? My mind wanders to an image of Jasper in leather, and as hot as he fucking looks, the paddle that leatherJasper is holding looks scary as fuck. I'm talking Mickey Rourke scary. There is no way I'd want him to spank me with that shit.

Well, I'm probably not into that then, right? He pulls my hair again, though, and I have to palm myself through my pants because I feel like I'm about to burst through my jeans. Hmm... well, maybe I might be into that a little bit - just no paddles.

"Fuck, yeah," Jasper grunts, thrusting harder into my mouth.

Man, my jaw is starting to ache. My muscles are not used to this at all. Is there something I could do to exercise it - like a Thigh Master for your mouth.

I wonder if that blond lady from Three's Company could sell that on QVC?

That thought is pushed out of my mind by the dick that is currently being pushed harder into my mouth.

"Going to cum," Jasper grits out through clenched teeth.

Shit. What do I do?

Should I swallow? Should I back up and let him cum in my hand. Wait! I'd need some tissue then, right? I don't have any! Should I get some?

When I pull my mouth away to ask, Jasper shouts and shoots.

"Fuck!" he groans, his head falling back.

"My eye!" I yell at the same time.

Jasper lifts his head and opens his eyes. "What?" he asks, his eyebrows knitting together when he looks down at me. I'm sure I'm a sight to see, down on my knees, face covered in jizz, one hand covering my throbbing eyeball.

"It burns," I whine, trying to open my eye, but I can't. "I'm blind!"

Jasper lets out a small chuckle, and I try to glare at him, but it's hard when I can barely see him out of my good eye. Oh my god! I now have a good eye - like, no, Sonny, move to the right; I can only see you out of my good eye.

What if it's beyond repair? Could I lose my vision completely? How could I explain that to my _doctor_ father?

"Motherfucking cum eyeball!" I curse loudly

Jasper snorts, obviously holding back laughter, and he stands walking over to the other side of the room. I hear the water turn on and off, and then he's back next to me, kneeling down and pressing a warm washcloth to my ruined eye. "I'm sorry," he whispers softly into my ear as he continues to gently wash my eye.

I shake my head. "It's not your fault," I admit. "I pulled away at the wrong time."

Jasper throws his arm over my shoulder. "Hold that on your eye," he tells me, and I do, resting my head on his shoulder. His fingers seek out the hair at the nape of my neck, and I let out a sigh, relaxing into his touch. "I can't believe this happened," I whine. I would fuck this moment up. God, I just want to not be a fucking spazz at one fucking thing. It's not really too much to ask for, I'd say.

Jasper presses his lips to my forehead. "It was perfect, Edward," he assures me. "I'm just sorry this happened." He laughs. "Next time I cum on your face, though, you should probably close your eyes."

I push him away with a playful punch. Yeah, right, I'm risking this pain again. "Next time I'm fucking swallowing," I tell him, pulling the washcloth away and giving my eye a few test blinks. It's kind of fuzzy, but I have definitely got my vision still. Thank Jesus.

"Is it next time yet?" he practically growls.

***~E~***

_"Edward, I can't... do that... "_

Slamming the door behind me, I glare at the elevator when I pass it by. The stairs seem like a better bet right now. I cannot be trapped in that fucking slow tiny box. I'd go crazy. My hands clench into fists, and I let out a loud frustrated hiss.

I can't believe Jasper. The way he was acting... the sneer on his face... the dismissal in his voice.

What the fuck is wrong with him?

I circle the building, heading toward the back that is facing some trees. Once hidden from sight, I let my back fall against the wall, my eyes closing. I take deep breaths to try to calm down.

God! All I was doing was asking a simple question. Why haven't you bottomed before, and he freaked out on me. I just wanted to know why? Has no one wanted to? Has he never offered? I mean, does it hurt?

Is he expecting to hurt me?

_"I don't expect anything!"_

That's a lie, I scoff, answering Jasper's words that are replaying in my mind. Everyone expects something, especially when you're in a relationship. I expect honesty and openness, and I definitely did not get it from him today.

Doesn't he realize how new this? How scary this can be for me? It's so easy to lose myself in him - so fucking easy. When were together, I feel like I'm drowning, but I know it will be okay. Every touch, every look, every single kiss is so overwhelming and amazing, but that frightens me even more.

In his mind, he's already picked out our roles in the bedroom, but I'm a fucking noob when it comes to sex. How am I supposed to know what I like and don't like? Everyone needs to experiment! Also, how does he know he wouldn't like it, that it wouldn't be good for him?

_"Oh, I can guarantee that fucking you will be good for me, Edward."_

That thought runs through my head, and it makes me shiver from the lust that dripped form his words. That, though, just makes me even angrier! How dare he try to be all hot and sexy when I'm trying to have a serious and important conversation. Was he trying to manipulate me? Am I so weak that a few winks and suggestive words would make me lose myself in lust?

_"God, Edward, yeah, okay? Yes, I would fucking love to have sex with you and show you how good it can be for you, but I don't fucking expect anything out of you. It's your choice. We both have a choice in this. I choose not to bottom. Let's just leave it at that."_

Do we both really have a choice? Obviously, he expects his word to the be the final one, and that's shit is just not going to fly. I may not have experience, but I have a voice. It will be motherfucking heard. He can't just think I'm going to lie down and take it...

Wait.

I guess that is kind of what he wants exactly.

I just don't get why he freaked the fuck out on me like that...

_"It's just that... I've never... and it's... um... I'm scared."_

Scared.

Jasper is scared.

That's what it all comes down to. It has to be.

The only question is - what is he so scared of?

With that thought, I turn back toward the dorm, determined to stomp this bug into the ground... or nip this in the bud... blow out the candle before it burns down the house... wait, I don't think that's a real saying...

_"I'm scared."_

Right.

Jasper.

With that, I turn and head back inside, running up the stairs to our floor. I burst through the door with more force than needed, probably resembling Kramer, and I skid to a stop when my eyes lock on Jasper.

He's laying on his back on my bed, his forearms crossed over his face. He looks up at me, and he just seems completely miserable. A second later, though, that emotion is gone from his face, buried under a mask of anger. He sneers at me.

"Back for more, Edward?"

I fight the urge to roll me eyes. He's going to make this difficult - the ass. Doesn't he know that we're all fucking scared, sometimes, but it's not cool to get all defensive and hide behind hateful words and ugly glares. I'm not going to let him get away with that shit anymore.

"Get up," I state, keeping my voice even.

He lets out an exaggerated huff. "I'm not messing your bed up," he snaps, his voice rising.

It's getting hard not to shout back at him. Who would have thought Jasper could act like such a turd?

"I don't care that you're on my bed, Jasper," I tell him. I arch a brow at him. "Though, it is interesting that you would choose to lay on my bed..." I trail off, and he rolls his eyes, clenching his jaw. I fight the urge to laugh. That would probably not smooth this situation over any faster.

"Seriously, though, get up," I demand, widening my eyes at him exacerbation. "We're getting out of this tiny room, and we are going to have a motherfucking conversation like two reasonable people."

"I don't wanna," he mumbles, sounding like a four year old.

I stomp my foot, and it is not nearly as effective as I thought it would be. It is actually not effective at all. I'm sure, by the look Jasper gives me, I resemble a tweenaged girl throwing a hissy fit. He fights back a smile.

So, be it.

I stomp my foot again, putting my arms into it.

He snorts.

"Get up! Get up! Get up! Get up!" I stomp each time.

"Oh my god," Jasper replies, the humor obvious in his voice. "Chill out, Demi Lovato." He rolls off the bed and stands up. "Now what?"

I smile at him, and he glances down, looking guilty. Good. He should be. "Follow me."

I walk out of the room, and I grin to myself when I hear his footsteps behind me. Once in the parking lot, I make a beeline for Jasper's car, waiting for him by the passenger side. He opens his mouth like he wants to ask a question, but then he just shakes his head and unlocks his door, pushing the button to let me in. Once we're both buckled in and the car is on, he looks at me, waiting.

"Exit the parking lot and turn left," I state in an official directions only voice. He makes a face like he's about to argue, but I give him a warning glare. He sighs and turns left like I said. For the entire ride, the only words spoken are "left" and "right."

"Turn into this parking lot," I finally tell him, and Jasper does. Once the car is off, he turns toward me.

"The park?" he asks, sounding annoyed.

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, nervous about sharing the next bit of information with him. It's time to share, kids. "When I was a child, I loved the park, especially the swings," I start, staring out the window at the playground equipment. "I could spend hours just swinging back and forth. It was my favorite place my mom would take Alice and me. When she... got sick, I used to sneak out of the house when things were too tough to handle, and I would go to the park by our house and sit on the swings. It was a good place to think or... release some built up emotions."

Jasper puts his hand on my thigh and squeezes it in a comforting way. I turn toward him. "Sometimes, I would just kick rocks to get out my anger, but it never failed to make me feel better, more in control of my emotions. When she... died, I told myself I was too old to find comfort at the playground, so I stopped going. I mean, I was in high school then, so it made sense."

"I get it," Jasper replies in a whisper.

I smile over at him, placing my hand on top of his and interlacing our fingers. "I just kind of feel like swinging right now."

Jasper grins. "Swinging, baby, yeah," he says in an awful imitation of Austin Powers.

Leaning toward him, I press my lips against his firmly yet chastely. "I don't think a comedy career is in your future," I joke with a smile before opening my door and jogging toward the swings. Without a second thought, I grab the nearest one, sit down and push with my feet before letting go and testing my weight on the children's equipment. When all I get is a small squeak in return, I push myself a few times with my feet before I start pumping my legs, swinging higher and higher until my ass is thrust slightly out of the seat each time I rise into the air. I close my eyes, enjoying the weightless feeling of my body and my mind. It's a soothing action, one that I'm happy to discover still has the power to calm me.

With my eyes still closed, I lean back, making my body long, and smile when it makes my stomach flip-flop. The fear of falling trickles in, adding to the excitement of it all. After a moment, I stop pumping my legs, slowing down with each subsequent revolution. I open my eyes and turn to find Jasper casually swinging next to me, watching me with a giant smile on his face.

He's just pushing himself back and forth with his feet, so I drag my feet across the ground a few times to stop.

I give him a small close-lipped smile, and he takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry," he says, looking all bashful. I just wait. He rolls his eyes and kicks his foot across the loose dirt under the swing. "I said I was sorry, Edward."

"We're going to have to talk about it," I tell him, twisting back and forth in the swing.

He nods. "I know. I... um... it's just..."

I decide to make it a little easier on him, or harder, really, depending on how you look at it, and I go straight for the jugular. "Why are you scared?"

His mouth falls open. "I'm not..."

"Jasper," I cut him off, shaking my head no. I don't want any more lies or half-truths. "Is it me? Are you scared of me?"

He snorts in a short burst of laughter. I glare at him. "Sorry. It's just... scared of you? No. You're about as scary as a kitten with a ball of string."

That does not make me very happy. Shit, if I have to be a cat, I want to at least be a street-wise alley cat or something. "Kittens have sharp claws," I mention to Jasper. "They hide them behind they're adorableness, and then they attack when you least expect it."

Jasper laughs and nods his head. "Sorry," he apologizes. "You're much scarier than a kitten."

I sneer at him, but let it go. There is one thing I'm not going to let go today, though. "Jasper, why are you scared?" I ask again. "What is it about bottoming that made you freak like that?"

His smile drops, and he turns his head away. "Edward," he sighs. "I just can't."

I know I can be completely clueless sometimes, but when it comes to the people I'm closest with, I'm normally really sensitive to their feelings. I've been pretty keyed into Jasper, lately. I mean, I pay serious attention to him, and right now, he's silently begging for me to just drop the subject. His pathetic, emo voice is only further proof of that. I'm sorry, Charlie, I snap, well, snap in my head. That's not going to fly today.

"Bullshit," I retort, and his head practically spins around it turns so fast toward me.

"What?"

"Bull. Shit," I state again, slower.

"It's not bullshit!" he counters, his voice getting louder. "I can't do... that!"

"It's that you won't, Jasper," I remark. "Not that you can't."

"Same difference," he practically snaps at me, and I let out a long breath to keep this conversation from being filled with more anger and yelling. That's like the last thing we need right now.

"It's not at all, and you know that," I say with a small smile. He rolls his eyes. "Listen, man, this shit is not easy for me, either, but we obviously need to talk about it!"

He reaches over and places his hand on my upper thigh. "Why, Edward?" he asks all sweet like. His hand moves a little higher. My eyes might roll a little bit back into my head before I come to my senses. I slap his hand away.

"I'm fucking serious, Jasper!" I yell, jumping out of the swing. "This is a thing, a big thing, _a huge thing_!"

"I've got a huge thing," he says, snorting at his own joke.

I turn toward him, crossing my arms over my chest. "That's it," I grit out through my clenched teeth. "I'm done with this. I am just done."

"What?" he asks, his voice breaking slightly. "Done?"

I turn away from him, my shoulders dropping. A second later, Jasper is behind me. He's standing so close I can hear him swallow, but he doesn't touch me.

"Edward, I am scared," he admits in a whisper. I don't turn around. Maybe it's easier for him to say these things to my back. "I've never bottomed because I don't trust anyone to have that kind of... control over my body. I can't give it up like that. It's too much to ask for."

He doesn't say anything else, and he doesn't move away. Blindly, I reach out behind me, grasping his hands in both of mine. He lets out a deep breath and rests his head against my upper back.

"I would never hurt you," I tell him softly. "You can trust me, Jasper."

"I do trust you, Edward. I do," he pauses. "Still, the idea of giving up the reigns over my own body like that freaks me the fuck out. My..."

"Your what?" I ask when he doesn't finish his sentence. "Please... just tell me."

"My... dad took all my power away, all my control, even over my body, and I just can't, Edward."

"I'd never..." I start, but he quickly interrupts me.

"I know." He squeezes my hands. "I'll try to move past it, but for now, can we talk about something else. I'm sick of feeling like I should cut myself and write emo whiny rock."

I laugh more for his benefit than mine and spin around, closing my arms around his waist for a hug. I rest my head on his shoulder, nuzzling my face into his neck. His arms encircle me.

We'll have to talk about this again, of that I'm completely positive, but we covered a lot of ground tonight. I, at least, have a little better insight into Jasper's head and the reasons behind his overreaction earlier in the night. We aren't having sex yet, but when we do, I guess I'll just have to man up and take it up the ass. The idea sounds scarier than it probably is. Obviously people dig it. I can do that. I can do that for Jasper.

He hugs me tight, enveloping me securely in his arms, and he doesn't let go for what seems like forever. It was probably only a few minutes, but still, it was a long hug.

"I'm sorry," he says again, and I kiss him on the neck in response.

"You can always talk to me, Jasper. I'm here for you."

He nods, pressing his lips against the top of my shoulder. God, I love how we fit together like this. It's all so fluid and perfect. I think my body was made with his in mind.

"Thank you," is all he says, and we're quiet again, allowing ourselves to be in the moment.

"Jasper?" I say after a couple minutes of silence.

"Yeah?"

"Who's Demi Lovato?"

***~E~***

"Are you nervous, Edward?" Jasper asks me with a laugh.

I shrug, hoping that it comes off as nonchalant. I really am freaking out though. I've never been to a place like this. How are we even going to get in? Neither of us are twenty-one.

"How are we going to get in?" I voice the question to Jasper.

He chuckles. "Edward, with a face and a body like mine, how would we not get in?"

He seems so serious about that even though the statement is so overly vain and ridiculous. "You know, Jasper," I start, placing my hand on his forearm. "There is a point where self-confidence becomes conceitedness, and you have definitely passed it. We might get past the bouncer, but I'm not sure your big head will fight through the door."

"It's not being conceited if it's the truth, duh," he retorts with a smile. I roll my eyes. "I'm being fucking serious, though. A wink and a smile go a long way," he assures me with a grins, waggling his brows at me. "A kiss will go even farther," he adds.

"And just who are you going to be kissing?"

He smiles sheepishly. "Only you, but I might have to grease a few cheeks to get us in if you know what I'm saying." He pulls into the parking lot and turns toward me. "Ready?"

"Yeah, let's go."

When we walk toward the building, I can hear the music from the outside. We reach the door, and Jasper walks up to the bouncer. I can't really make out what they're saying because every time the door opens, the loud pulsing beat from inside hits my ears. Jasper does indeed lean in and kiss the bouncer on the cheek, and a feeling of red hot jealousy surges through me. I want to rip the guy's ears off. I know he outweighs me by... a lot, but it doesn't matter. I want to destroy him!

Jasper walks back over to me with a smile, grabs my hand and leads me toward the door.

"Jasper is mine," I growl out at the bigger man when I pass him, but he just laughs and nods his head, slapping me on the ass.

He's got some fucking nerve!

Before I can complain to Jasper, he's pulling me into the building, and I'm immediately overwhelmed by the number of guys here.

Shit. It's like anything goes.

I'm sure my eyes are as wide as saucers when a giant drag queen struts right in front of me, but I can't help it. This place is crazy. Then, we head toward the dance floor, and my eyes are exhausted by the sheer volume of bodies moving together. It's a sea of chests and arms, and the boys are grinding and thrusting... and oh lord, look at him... I wonder if I could do that up and down hip swivel in front of Jasper.

Knowing me, I'd probably just land on my ass.

"You want something to drink?" Jasper asks me.

Before I can respond, a strong hand curls around my bicep and someone slides up between us.

"Well, well, well, fancy meeting you boys here."

"The same thing could be said for you," Jasper remarks, and I turn toward the person who is currently worming their way between me and my boyfriend.

Blond hair, blue eyes, tiny shorts.

Oh my god.

* * *

**Well, that's it for this time around. I hope you enjoyed it. I wonder who's at the bar? Any thoughts? **

**Just let me know. Review!**


	26. Jasper & Tanya Wit De Big Dick

**Well, here we are again! Time, I swear, slips away from me, but at least it wasn't a month again... :) **

**Oh my goodness, y'all had some guesses for the person at the club. They were fun to read. Only a few of you were right, though. So congratulations to LovelyPenguin, OnTheTurningAway, EmmaleeWrites05 and Sunystone! Y'all win absolutely nothing but my admiration. That should count for something, right? **

**Thanks to PolkaDotMama and Ealasaid77 for lending me a beta eye. I really, really appreciate it. 3**

**I don't own the characters just the things I make them do. Also, I hold no rights to Sprawl II by Arcade Fire. **

**Please read the AN at the bottom! **

**

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"Well, well, well, fancy meeting you boys here."

"The same thing could be said for you," I remark in disbelief turning toward the person pushing up between Edward and I.

"I love this place!"

"You do?" Edward asks, his eyes drifting down her body. Then, I'm not even kidding, his eyes bug the fuck out of his head.

"And, it loves me!" Tanya says just as enthusiastically.

I decide to see what Edward is so shocked about, but I'm not entirely thrilled with checking out the ladies, especially at the gay club.

And.

Oh.

My.

God.

Tanya is a dude.

There is a definite bulge inside her tiny, tiny shorts, and when I say tiny, I mean TINY. Like, I think her balls may be hanging out.

Sweet lord in heaven, Tanya has balls.

Her hair is pulled into a ponytail and her breasts are pushed almost completely out of her tight pink top. Her tan legs are topped off with super high heels, but I can only see the outline of her cock in her shorts.

I repeat, I can see the outline of Tanya's COCK in her shorts.

I think I must have fallen and hit my head and then slipped into an alternate universe.

Then, Tanya bends over, adjusting the buckle on her heel, and the view is enough to bring reality crashing back on my head like a fucking anvil in a Bugs Bunny cartoon.

I can't hold it in anymore.

"Is that a penis in your pants?" I shout at her.

She looks at me over her shoulder, still bent over. Then, because I'm always wrong when I think situations can't get any weirder or more uncomfortable, she winks at me.

"Well, it's actually a penis in my shorts," she corrects me, finally standing back up.

"But, you're a girl?" Edward finally finds his voice. I turn back to him. He looks utterly confused, and he should close his mouth before he drools.

"I know," she replies with a smile.

"You have a penis," he states simply.

She nods slowly. "I knoooow," she drawls out.

"Girls don't have penises. They have vaginas," he remarks, and I have to fight so hard not to laugh. I doubt that he'd appreciate me laughing at him, but it's pretty fucking funny watching him put all the pieces together.

"That's right, _Kindergarten Cop_," she snaps. "I'm transgendered. I just have to save up the money for the final surgery. It's expensive as fuck to become who I really always was, and it's kind of a sore topic for me." She slowly shakes her head, frowning at us. "I thought you two would be cooler about this." She looks over at me, giving me a pointed look. "Especially you, Jasper. You're being absolutely no fun right now."

Fun?

She's talking about me not being fun right after she reveals that she's been hiding a peter in her panties this whole time!

Now that I'm thinking about it, though, the signs were all there - deeper voice, unnatural giggle, Adam's Apple, giant man hands. I should have fucking realized that she was a dude. I guess I was never paying that close of attention.

I'm shocked when James, in the tightest and douchiest t-shirt I have ever seen, walks up from the opposite direction and hugs Tanya from behind. He pushes her hair aside and kisses her on the shoulder. "Babe, I'm ready to…" he trails off when he looks up and his eyes meet mine.

Crossing my arms over my chest, I give him my best 'what the fuck' expression. He unravels his hands and stands up behind his girlfriend… boyfriend… behind Tanya.

"Jasper," he says, obviously startled. "I didn't know you came here."

I throw my arm over Edward's shoulder, glancing down at him real quick. His eyes are still wide and glued to Tanya's junk. She adjusts her package and then winks at us again. I have to bite back a smile. I'm actually starting to like Tanya which is definitely a new feeling for me.

"Last time I tallied, I was the gay one, sooo it's not unusual for me to be at the gay bar. You, on the other hand..." I comment with a smirk, giving him a pointed glance.

"What the fuck are you saying, Whitlock?" he asks in what I suppose is his deep, intimidation voice, but it's not as convincing when he won't step out from behind his tranny girlfriend.

"I just think it's funny how much of a dick you were when you found out about me, but now, it turns out, you like dick as well."

"I'm not fucking gay," he sneers.

I laugh. "Take a look around, James. This is a GAY BAR!" I stress the last two words because he's obviously fucking retarded.

"I'm not gay!" he yells with a little too much conviction if you catch my drift.

When I hear some random guy yell, "I am!" I start to laugh. I can't help it. I've never had much tact, anyway.

James finally steps out from behind Tanya, though, and I can see why he was hiding. His ripped up jeans are as tight as his Ed Hardy t-shirt.

He seems to be delusional. Last time I checked, we were not at the Jersey Shore.

"Methinks, he doth protest too much," Edward adds, chuckling over his comeback, but all I can hear is his terrible British accent. The boy is horrible at accents. You should hear him when he makes fun of the best actor of all time, Jean Claude Van Damme; he sounds like a Swedish milkmaid.

"Listen," James grits out between his teeth, "I am not gay."

"You. Are. Dating. A. Dude," is my response. Logic, thy name is Jasper.

Tanya clears his… her throat, crossing her arms under her huge boobs, and cocks her hip to the side. "I'm not a dude, Jasper," she snaps. When I open my mouth to protest, she makes a frustrated noise, stopping me.

"I may have been born with a penis, but I am not a guy. Trust me, I'm a girl."

James smirks at me like he just got out of this conversation scot-free. That's _never_ gonna happen. This situation is just too damn good. It's like a present sent directly to me from God.

Well, maybe not God… that is a little extreme since he performs important miracles and shit. I'm sure he doesn't have time to put me in this situation just to provide me with punch lines for a year.

_Are you happy to see me or are you just pulling a Tanya? _See. It totally works.

"She's going to have _it _removed," James practically growls at us.

"Are you waiting until she doesn't have a penis to have sex?" Edward asks.

"Do you like the way her balls feel against your balls?" is my question immediately after his.

"Have you tried giving a blow job?" he whispers the words. "They're fucking awesome," Edward adds.

"Do you ever get Tanya to teabag you with her balls?" I continue my ball line of questioning.

"Were you angry when you found out about her… um… package?" Edward implores.

"So, do you like to suckle her balls or just fondle them in your hands?" is my next inquiry. Edward claps his hand over my mouth when I start to ask another one.

He looks over at Tanya apologetically. "We are being very insensitive." He glares at me, and I mumble out an apology, though it's muffled by his hand.

Then, to my surprise, Tanya starts laughing. Her whole body shakes with her reaction, including her dick, which I'm rather not happy about noticing.

"Oh my god, you… two…" she gasps out, wiping away tears of laughter. Tanya finally gets control over herself a moment later, and she looks up at Edward and me. "None of those things are really your business," she remarks, shaking her head at us; although, she still looks like she's biting back laughter.

"She has special panties!" James blurts out all of the sudden, and we all turn to look at him. He looks embarrassed, but he continues talking like someone is forcing him. We, for the record, definitely aren't.

"They have a hole in them, over her butt, but it keeps all of her… other… stuff… inside them. She, um, likes it better that way. Tanya doesn't want me to touch… it."

Tanya kind of rolls her eyes, but it's only obvious because I'm watching her. I bet she just told him that to make him comfortable. The boy must be able to really fuck because ain't no way I'd stay with someone if my dick wasn't getting touched.

You rub my dick. I'll rub yours.

That's how that shit works.

A duh.

"Well," Edward says after a moment of awkward silence. "I think you two are very... um… nice to each other."

I have to bite my lip so fucking hard to stop myself from losing my shit. I just nod and start to lead Edward away. "See ya," I call over my shoulder at them.

When we're seated at some bar stools, I can't hold it in anymore, and I start to laugh. "Nice to each other?" I ask him, shaking my head in disbelief. "Who says that?"

He rolls his eyes. "It's all I could come up with!" He claps his hand over my mouth. "Stop fucking laughing, Jasper!"

I nod, slowly getting myself under control. "That is just such a weird thing to say." I shake my head again. "Nice to each other!"

"Me, weird?" he asks, putting his hand against his chest like he's all affronted. "Um, if you don't remember what just happened, let me recap. James, who said unbelievably mean things to us when he found out we were together, is dating Tanya; who, turns out, is a guy. That, Jasper, is the weird moment of this evening!"

I laugh, shrugging in response. "I don't know. The night has only just begun. Something weirder could happen."

Edward shakes his head and pushes me playfully. "Only with you around, I swear. I led a quiet, easy existence before you."

"Oh, yeah?" I tease. "You want to move back in with the model airplane building momma's boy? I'm sure that was a fun time."

"Fuck no," he snaps before he starts laughing. "He was such a freak. I mean, I try not to judge, but Eric was a fucking weirdo."

"So, I guess I'm not so bad, then?"

He rolls his eyes before giving me a sweet smile. "No, you're not so bad. You're actually pretty awesome."

With a huge fucking cheesy grin on my face, I lean in and kiss him with everything I've got, but I quickly notice that I'm the only one doing the kissing. His hands even seem to be pushing against my chest instead of pulling me toward him like they're supposed to be doing.

I back away, and his eyes dart around the room. "Jasper!" he kind of hisses my name. "We can't do that… in public."

I have to mentally restrain myself from snapping at him out of frustration. He can't be so fucking cute and then cockblock my kiss like that. It's no good for my ego.

I'm a sensitive motherfucker.

I get it. I understand where he's coming from because I was pretty fucking comfortable from my hiding spot in the closet, but now that I'm out, it's hard to go back to pretending that I'm not.

Plus, to his credit, it's not that I have to go back to completely hiding in the closet. A lot of people do know. Edward has stepped up and been a lot braver than me in that aspect, but I just want him so much. I want to touch him and kiss him, and I want everyone to know that this fuckhot guy is all mine.

I'm not one for huge public displays of affection, but it's hard not to reach over and touch him all the fucking time. Edward, though, is very, very wary of any public display of affection. In the world outside our dorm room, we are strictly friends even though I want to be strictly all over his jock… or just his hand.

Fine! I admit it. I want to hold his hand.

Sue me.

In this situation, though, he's being a little bit over the fucking top because we are in a gay bar, so I say that to him exactly.

"Still, I mean-"

Placing my finger over his mouth, I tell him to shut the fuck up. "Edward, please, take a look around." He does and I follow his eye line, watching him take in all the boys together, kissing, dancing… grinding. I move behind him, wrapping my arms around his waist.

"No one is going to pay any attention to us if I do this," I whisper into his ear before running my lips up and down his neck, biting playfully at the spot where his shoulder and neck meet because I know it drives him absolutely crazy.

I run my hands up and down over his chest. "It's completely normal to everyone else here if I touch you like this, Edward." I let my hand drift down and brush briefly over the bulge in his jeans. "That won't even cause anyone to look at us twice."

"Jasper," he whines, but it doesn't sound annoyed. He sounds desperate. I know just what he needs.

Me.

It's my job to take care of my boy, and I am more than happy to do just that. I thrust my hips forward, pressing my dick against his ass. It feels so fucking perfect. Edward's body trembles, and he automatically pushes back against me.

Jesus on in a half shell, I'm way too close to losing it from such a small act. I swear, Edward turns me into a fourteen year old who cums in his pants from a strong gust of wind.

He's my wet dream.

"Dance with me?" I plead into his ear, letting my words wash over his skin.

He lets out a shaky breath. "I can't dance," he replies, shaking his head.

I bite down a little harder on his fuck-me spot as I want it later to one day be known. "Dance with me." This time I'm not asking.

"Okay," he answers in an almost trance like voice.

Smiling, I pull him out on the floor, pushing past the shirtless guys. From the corner of my eye, I notice a couple of them eyeballing us, but I just ignore them. They're just jealous. Edward is the hottest motherfucker in this joint, and they know it.

I think about telling these circling vultures to suck it, hand motion and all, but that might be taken as an invite and not an insult here. It's better that I just keep my mouth shut.

Once I find a small bubble in the sea of guys, I turn to Edward, taking a moment to let my eyes give him a good once over… or twice over… really, who's counting?

I lace my arms around his waist and pull him to me. "You're so fucking sexy," I say into his ear, loud enough for him to hear over the pulsing music. I let my hips sway to the beat, moving Edward's stiff body along with mine. His eyes lock with mine and I try to silently reassure him the best I can. After a tense moment or two, he relaxes and lets his body fall into step with mine.

Even sooner than I hoped, we're moving as one to the hypnotic music. Now, I'm not normally one for club music, but tonight, it's fucking Mozart. It's beautiful and shit.

With Edward pressed so tight against me, I can feel every inch of him, every _hard _inch. I thrust my hips a little harder into his, so he can feel the perma-boner I've had tonight. Dancing with Edward in jeans may turn out to be a little hazardous to my health… or well, the health of my cock. It's not feeling too nice squashed against my zipper, but then, when Edward swivels his hips all ridiculously hot-like, I don't give two shits about the uncomfortable pressure.

I'll gladly take it and more if he just does it again and again, and thankfully, he does, until I think I'm going to burst right through the front of my jeans. God, can you imagine? I think the twinks would lose their minds and dive for my dick like zombies for motherfucking brains.

Yeah, my cock is just that impressive.

Deal with it.

After about four songs, Edward is practically panting in my ear. It's driving me fucking insane, so I spin him around. My lips automatically find his sweet spot, and he lets his head fall to the side, exposing more of his neck. I eagerly take advantage of the new expanse of skin. His head rolls back to my shoulder, and without a second thought, my lips are on his, my tongue thrusting into his mouth like my hips into his ass-clad jeans.

We kiss like no one is watching, and I'm oblivious to them if they are, anyway. It's like no one exists but me and my guy and… that creepy motherfucker standing way too close to us.

Okay, so I lied. I'm obviously not _completely_ oblivious to the other people in the room.

He moves closer, a fucking crazy smile plastered to his face. His eyes light up as they travel down Edward's body. His hand reaches out…

"I don't fucking think so!" I growl out, startling Edward who must have had his eyes closed. "You take one step closer, asshole, and I will knock you the fuck out."

He stops, his hand wavering in front of him. "You better think twice before touching him as well," I warn Edward's creepy stalker. He glances back and forth from me to Edward a few times before his eyes land on my balled up fists, and then, he finally turns and disappears into the crowd of dancing guys.

Edward spins around and gives me a not so nice look. "What the fuck was that?"

"He was about to molest you, Edward. I could tell!" I insist.

"He didn't even touch me!"

"Yeah, well he was going to lay his nasty hands all over you. I bet you got gonorrhea from him just fucking looking at you. You should probably get checked out. I'd rather you not share that shit. I'm way too hot for STD's."

He stares at me for a moment before he starts to laugh, shaking his head at me. "You're so full of shit, Jasper."

"Yeah, well, at least I'm good looking," I concede with a smile.

"You are that," Edward says appreciatively. "Plus, you've got a big dick."

My eyes widen at his words. I mean, it's the truth, of course. Not to toot my own horn or anything, but toot motherfucking toot. I just did not expect Edward to say that at all.

I think I may be speechless.

That rarely happens to me.

Edward winks and wraps himself around me. "Is that an invitation?"

"Huh?"

He laughs. "Your mouth is hanging wide open. You know... I have something you could put in there."

I finally get my shit somewhat together. "Who are you and what have you done with my timid boyfriend?"

He shrugs and, to my surprise, sneaks in a grope of my dick. "I'm one in the same, Jasper. I'm just ready to go home if you know what I'm saying."

"Fucking right I know what you're saying. Let's go."

We can't get back to the room quickly enough and once the door closes, it's lips and hands and skin. Then, thank god, he's unzipping my jeans and my cock is released from the choke hold my jeans had on it.

A moment later, to my surprise, Edward is on his knees, taking the head of my dick into his mouth. I've never seen him like this.

It's fucking awesome!

I thread my fingers in his hair, and he moans. I tug a little tighter on his locks, and I get an even louder moan out of him.

Well, that is definitely… interesting.

I'm going to have to file that away for another day.

"Edward," I whine, trying to unsuccessfully get his attention. He just keeps on sucking and licking, and I'm going to lose it in a moment. I call his name again.

"What?"

"Stop. Stop," I pant out.

He looks up at me, my dick in his hand. The view is fucking amazing. "Did you not like—"

I stop him before he can say anything else. "Nah, I was totally digging it, but I just want more."

"Um, what more?" he asks, sounding insecure.

I grin down at him. "I want to suck your dick, too."

"Right now?" he questions. "You want me to stop?"

Smiling, I run my fingers through his hair. "I just want to suck your cock at the same time."

"Yeah, that sounds like fun," Edward mumbles out, turning red. "How do we do this?"

Al-fucking-right!

***~J~***

Edward lifts his mouth from my dick and starts to sing. My eyes narrow in confusion as I listen to the feminine voice come out of his mouth.

"_Living in the sprawl, dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains. And there's no end in sight. I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights_," he sings again.

"Why do you have a lady voice?" I ask. Edward laughs, and it's all tinkling bells. What the fuck? I watch in horror as his face morphs into Tanya's. I scream, covering my junk from her lipstick lacquered lips.

"_Living in the sprawl, dead shopping malls rise like mountains beyond mountains. And there's no end in sight. I need the darkness, someone please cut the lights," _he-she sings again.

"Stop singing!" I shout. "What are you doing here?"

"Jasper!"

I can hear Edward's voice again, but I still see Tanya's face, now with Jack Nicholson eyebrows like in _The Shining_.

Oh, fuck me. I'm about to die! She sings again. It must be her death song.

"Jasper! Wake the fuck up!" I hear Edward again. Then, suddenly, someone pushes me from behind.

I wake up with a gasp, disoriented. "Wha?" I look around. I'm in the dorm room. "Weird as fuck," I mumble to myself.

"Dude, your cell phone will not stop ringing," Edward says to me. He looks at me in concern. "Are you feeling okay? You were kind of thrashing in your sleep and now you're all sweaty."

"I was having a horrible, horrible nightmare," I tell him with a small laugh, relieved that was just a dream. I did not sign up for tranny dreams. Thanks a lot, Tanya.

He smiles at me and shifts from foot to foot. I notice that his hands are behind is back. "What are you hiding?"

"Happy birthday!" he shouts, revealing a gift wrapped in bright blue paper. It's pretty obvious by it's shape that it's a record, and I'm excited to see which one he got me.

Yes! I fucking love presents. "You didn't have to get me anything," I lie.

He grins. "I wanted to."

He doesn't move forward. I wait patiently for about a second. "Okay, well give it to me!" I demand, and he laughs, handing over the goods. I tear into the paper.

"Awesome. Thanks, Edward!" I say to him with a grin. "I have this as my cell phone ring right now."

"I know. I just heard it like eight times," he jokes.

I climb out of bed and give him a quick peck on the lips. I need to brush my teeth before the make out session that is about to go down.

My phone rings again, so I slide it open. "Hello?"

"_Happy birthday, JJ_!" my mom yells into the phone before she breaks out into song. I listen with a smile on my face. She is probably the worst singer ever.

"That was just glorious," I tell her when she stops the auditory torture of _Happy Birthday_. "I have no idea how the Portland Opera hasn't snatched you up," I tease.

"_Since it's your birthday, child of mine, I'm not going to tan your hide for making fun of me_."

"Tan my hide, huh?" I laugh.

"_I only meant that one time, JJ_," she warns me, but I can hear her smiling. "_You're not too big to bend over my knee_."

"I am literally twice your size."

"_And, I am literally your mama, so hush_!" she chides. "_I swear you and Rose are the most difficult children. Thank the lord for Julio because that dear heart hides all these gray hairs y'all give me_."

"Julio is a real Saint," I deadpan, shaking my head. Edward looks over at me in confusion. I point to the phone and mouth the word, "Mom." He smiles and nods. I watch fascinated as he pulls off his boxers and wraps a towel around his waist. Well, well, well, happy birthday to me.

"_JJ_!" I hear once Edward leaves the room and my senses are no longer overloaded by my naked boyfriend.

"Yeah?"

She clears her throat. I roll my eyes. "Yes?" I ask again, correcting myself.

"_I asked you when you were going to come home again. I'm going to be traveling for a work more and more, so I wanted to make sure to be home when you decide to visit_."

"Oh, well, I'm pretty busy with school and stuff, so I'm not sure," I tell her, thinking of naked Edward in the shower.

"_And stuff_?" she asks. "_Would that stuff happen to be a boy_?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" I joke.

"_Yes_," she states simply. "_I would."_

I smile. She's going to be non-stop badgering me about this now. Then, she'll ask Rose, and Rose is weak around mom. She will crack.

"Listen, mom, I have to get ready for class, but I promise that next time I'm home, I will tell you all about it, okay?"

"_You better_!" she huffs. "_Oh, by the way, I mailed your birthday present to you._"

"You did?" I ask, getting excited.

"_Well, yeah, of course I did. You would have thrown a fit if you would have had to wait. I know how you are with presents_."

"Thanks! I'll go check my mailbox after class."

"_It's that phone you wanted_," she tells me. God, she is so bad with surprises.

I do a quick fist pump or two. "Thank you so much!" I tell her, grinning like an idiot.

"_You're welcome, baby. I love you_."

"I love you, too. I'll call you later from my new phone."

I slide the phone closed and throw it on the bed before stripping out of my clothes as quickly as possible. I throw a towel around my waist and run toward the door, hoping to catch Edward in the shower.

***~J~***

"You can rent whatever you want, my treat, of course," Edward says to me with a smile as we walk around the New Releases at the video store.

"Oh, hey now, watch it big spender," I tease.

He laughs. "Nothing is too expensive for you on your birthday."

"Oh, really?" I pause in thought. "In that case, I want to rent two movies."

"Two movies?" he asks in shock. "I already got you a birthday cake. I'm not made of money!"

"Um, you got me a fucking Twinkie out of the vending machine, ass face," I remind him with a smile.

"I got you TWO Twinkies, Jasper, so, yeah, get that shit right," he laughs. "I had to get you two," he adds, "with the way you scarf them down like you do."

"Oh my fucking god," I say just a little bit too loudly for the video store, causing Edward to break out in laughter. I swear he fucking snorts. He's so fucking cute I want to bite his face off… which is completely violent and strange if you think about it.

"Be nice to me, dickhead," I whisper out my demand. "It's my fucking birthday!"

"Fine, Jasper, quit begging," he says to me, playfully rolling his eyes. "You can rent two movies."

"Thanks. Be right back," I reply with a wink, walking immediately to the movies I know I want. I can practically hear Edward groan from across the store.

That's just too fucking bad for him. It's my birthday, and I get to choose.

I grab the movies and walk back over to him. "So, what is it this time?"

Grinning, I hold the movies up, so he can read the titles. He grimaces. "Again?" he whines. "Both of them?"

"You can't watch _Universal Soldier_ without watching _Universal Soldier: The Return_!"

"I'd rather not watch either one them, actually," he clarifies with a smug smile.

I take step closer and lean toward him. "Well, Edward," I whisper into his ear. I smile when his skin breaks out in goosebumps. "It's my birthday," I continue, "and we are going to watch JCVD kick some ass."

"You're just referring to him by his initials now, like he's JFK or something?" he quips.

"Don't hate, Edward," I say with a smile. "Appreciate."

He pulls back and stares at me. He does not look amused, but then his lips start moving around like he's fighting a smile. He can't resist me. My charm is all-powerful.

"Wow," he deadpans. "You are lame."

I lick my lips and lean in even closer. "I think you mean awesome," I correct him. I'm definitely not lame.

"Jasper," he whispers my name, his eyes locked on my mouth.

"Yeah?" I question as we both inch closer together.

When we are a second from a kiss, his eyes widen like he suddenly remembered he left the stove on or something. He jerks back. "So, these are the two you want?" he asks, his words spilling out of his mouth. I nod, and he grabs the movies out of my hands. "Ok, let's get out of here."

"Um, sure," I mumble as I follow him toward the check out.

He doesn't look back at me as he pays for the movies. With an annoyed sigh, I wander over to the posters at the checkout, eyeballing the latest teen dream heartthrob. They ain't got nothing on me. I bet I could make girls swoon... I mean, if I was interested in that at all. I'd much rather make guys hard than girls swoon. I have my priorities straight which is kind of an oxymoron if you think about it.

"Jasper," Edward calls my name, and he's already at the door, looking all impatient to get out of the store.

As soon as I start to walk toward the door, Edward turns and goes outside to wait for me. The moment we walk away from the store, Edward seems to relax, though, and not even a minute later, we're joking and talking like normal again.

Since the video store is only about six blocks from campus and it's not fucking freezing tonight, we decided to walk, so we're hoofing it back to the dorm.

"Are you having a good birthday?" Edward asks.

"Yeah, it's been nice," I answer, glancing over at him with a smile. I reach out to grab his hand, but he slips it into the pocket of his jacket.

"It's kind of cold," he comments.

I frown, shoving my hands into my own pockets. "Yeah, it really is."

* * *

**So, Tanya? lol. Who saw that coming? I got that idea forever ago when I first introduced her and I've been waiting for the big reveal for awhile. ;)**

**I've got a few announcements if you don't mind. **

**The Slash Awards are happening again, and it's time to nominate your fave slashy stories! Go to theslashawards(dot)blogspot(dot)com to give your fave authors and stories some love! **

**Also, I posted Tuesdays With YogaGal which are my collabs with the fab YogaGal. They are some fun stories, and we plan on collabing more in the future. So, keep an eye out. **

**I don't know if I ever mentioned the outcome of the FGB back for me, but some lovely ladies did buy me for more money than I ever thought I'd go for. They definitely made my day and also the day of some children who really need the money! So, be on the lookout for a Harry/Draco story for Mar (OnTheTurningAway) and Maura (Mauralee88). HP/DM is a fun pairing, and I hope that even y'all will give it a change. Then, Angie (VampOne) bought the ATD future outtake, and if she wants to share, I'll post it to Intangibilities. :) Thanks so much ladies! **

**Well, I think that's all the news I have. I could be missing something, but you could follow me on Twitter for updates or random tweets from me. I'd love to have you. 3**

**I know this ends on a slightly sour note, but just stick with me. You know I'm no good with the angst with these two. **

**Please review!**


	27. Edward & Smiley Riley

**Okay, so here is another chapter of ATD… finally. I know. I suck. I'm an update failure. I'm sorry about that. I'm going to try and be better about this. I promise to try not to suck so hard in the future. **

**Quick note about a few things in last chapter - ****James is not gay. I know, weird, right? He's not though. He's shady, sure. He's a dick, yeah. He's still straight. He's dating Tanya, the girl which is who she really is. I know it was lots of laughs, like omg, Tanya is a dude! When I first thought of doing that, I had the same reaction**. **I got that idea forever ago when I first introduced her and I've been waiting for the big reveal for a while. ;) Now, I feel like I should have added a PSA to last chapter or something. I don't want y'all to think that I'm making fun of people who are transgendered. Tanya does kind of fall as the butt of the joke when they are making fun of James, but I hope you can see from Jasper's thoughts that he is starting to dig Tanya as a person. Most of the jokes were out of surprise, but then Jasper picks on everyone no matter their race, creed, gender, sexuality. He's just a picker. In this story, Tanya takes it all really well and is not seriously offended by the boys. It must be really tough to go through something like, changing who you are completely, and I commend anyone who has the balls (pun intended) to do something like that! Be yourself, no matter what. :)**

**Huge thanks to PolkaDotMama for beta'ing this thing for me last minute. She's awesome. **

**Alright, that aside, I don't own Twilight, and this story is NOT copyrighted. LOL.**

* * *

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Nothing," he answers with a sheepish smile as he lowers his karate-chopping hand.

"You were jerking around like crazy," I continue pretending like I don't know what he was doing. It was totally obvious.

"Sorry. I had an itch," he says, relaxing back into the bed. I can tell he thinks he got away with it. Jasper thinks he's too smooth to get caught doing lame things. That is so not the case.

"You were air fighting!" I exclaim with a laugh. I can't hold it in anymore.

"No, I wasn't!" he insists, trying not to look all guilty.

"You totally were. I was lying on your shoulder, Jasper," I tell him, shaking my head. "Do you think I wouldn't feel you tag team fighting with Jean Claude Van Damme?"

"I wasn't," he tries again. He shakes his head. I can see the smile forming on his lips.

With a small laugh, I sit up so I can look down at him. "Dude," I say, giving him a look that will make him admit his guilt. This look is dangerous. I learned it from my sister.

"Dude?" he repeats, feigning ignorance.

"Seriously, dude," I say, being serious. I'm honest like that.

"Seriously!" he says with a small laugh. He's smiling. He's guilty!

"Duuude." I lower my chin and give him a disbelieving look. "Imagine me as a priest, man, because it's confession time."

With that, he makes a face at me so hard, he gives himself a double chin. Surprisingly, from this small glimpse, Jasper would still be good looking if he was fat.

Not that I want him to double up on dessert or anything.

"I—"

"The truth shall set you free," I say, interrupting him.

"Ugh, you're really fucking annoying," he replies with an eye roll. "It's my birthday. Remember?"

A wicked thought enters my head, and I smile.

"What's with the super villain smile?" he asks, trying to back away like I'm a rabid dog, except he's lying down, so he can only push his head further back into the pillow. He's not going to get away.

"Why does my smile worry you, Jasper Claude Van Damme?" I ask, quirking my eyebrow. "You should be afraid of my deathray."

Jasper lets out a quick bark of laughter. "Excuse me?" he asks with a snort.

"I said, you can never stop me and my dastardly plans. I will defeat you, Jasper Claude Van Damme."

With that, I throw my leg over him and pin him to the bed. His eyes go wide, and a smile flitters across his face.

Jasper licks his lips. I get a little distracted staring at his mouth. "I need to know what the name of my arch nemesis is," he tells me, but it takes a moment for me to actually hear him.

"Huh?" I ask, breaking my eyes away from his beautiful lips. Seriously, Mick Jagger would be jealous of his mouth. His lips are full and his mouth his wide, and god, when he smiles? When he smiles, I get all weird feeling. My stomach flip-flops like when you ride a rollercoaster.

Jasper is better than Six Flags.

"Your name," he repeats with a laugh. I'm still in a bit of a daze. "Fine then, I get to name you," he comments. He smirks, and I can practically see the lightbulb above his head while I wait for him to tell me. "Well, go on then, tell me again how you're going to defeat me," he says, smiling.

Rolling my eyes, I tighten my hold on his arms, pushing him into the mattress. "You will never be able to stop me, Jasper Claude Van Damme!" I use my best villain voice, even adding in an evil laugh.

"Think again," Jasper replies, playing along. "I know your weakness, Dr. Assfuck!"

Dr. Ass… fuck? He's got to be joking.

"Seriously?" I ask, tilting my head to the side in question.

"What?" he laughs. "That's your name. Deal with it."

"Fine," I huff. I narrow my eyes at him, getting back in character. "I have no weaknesses, you fool!"

"I told you, Dr. Assfuck, I know of one," he replies with a wink.

I lean down, dangerously close to his face. "Have you ever heard of putting your money where your mouth is?" I leer.

"I don't negotiate with terrorists," he somehow says with a straight face.

I grind down onto his lap a bit. "Scared, are you, Jasper Claude Van Damme?" I tease.

He lifts his head, straining against my hold on his arms. "Never!" he hisses. "I will defeat you!" All of his grunts and groans of his struggling, not to mention his body jerking underneath mine is fucking exciting me, and before I know, I'm hard as a rock.

His lips curl up into a Grinch-like smile, and something of his has definitely grown three sizes – and it's not his heart. He thrusts his hips up into mine, and I can't help the moan that escapes my lips.

"There," he says, his voice thick.

His words knock me out of my lust induced haze. "There?" I question. He thrusts up again, my eyes closing in pleasure. My head falls back.

"There," he repeats with a small laugh. "I found your weakness."

"This is not a weakness, Jasper Claude whatever the fuck your full name is," I mumble, my breath heavy.

"Let me touch you," he begs, dropping his voice to a whisper. "I need to feel you. I want to feel your cock pulse in my hands. I have to taste you on my tongue."

"Oh god," I grunt, my hold on him weakening.

"I want to lay you on the bed and worship your body. I'm going to spread you open and devour you with my tongue. "

"Jasper." My shoulders tremble, and when I am a moment away from begging, he swiftly flips us over so that I'm pinned beneath him.

"I told you I knew your weakness, Dr. Assfuck," he says with a haughty laugh. "I make my boy weak in the knees."

"No fair," I huff, straining against his hold. The funny thing is that I'm not trying to get away. I just want to be closer. "Jasper," I whine, "Please."

"What do you need, Edward?"

"All those things!" I practically yell. "Everything you said!"

"Well, then, Dr. Assfuck, I have just one question for you." He pauses, "Do. You. Give. Up?" he asks, grinding against me with each word.

"Yes!" I yell, my head lolling back and forth. "I give up. Jesus Christ, I give up."

"Good," he snaps as he unbuttons my jeans and pushes them down, wrapping his hand around my throbbing dick.

"You're such an asshole," I moan. He laughs and does a quick twist thing with his hand, and it feels so fucking good. "Yeah, just like that," I encourage him.

He pulls his hand away, and I fucking make some kind of whimpering noise in protest. I'm not sure where it even came from. "Nooo," I cry. "Hand… good…" I mumble incoherently.

"Hand, good. Pants, bad." He makes fun, but does pull my jeans and underwear off, leaving me naked from waist down. He stares at my dick and licks his lips. My cock twitches under his gaze.

"Jasper," I call his name, and his eyes slowly make their way up my body.

"You are so fucking hot," he whispers, leaning down and kissing my hip bone. His hands push my shirt up my chest, and his tongue follows along, driving me crazy. The cotton slides past my nipples, and then Jasper's mouth is there, biting and flicking and I can't fucking breathe.

I can't wait any longer, so I pull my shirt from my body, tossing it across the room. My hands go to the bottom of Jasper's long sleeved t-shirt, and I yank at it, wanting it off.

"Hey now, this is vintage," he remarks before he gently pulls it off and places it over the footboard. I'm too worked up to even make fun of him for his ridiculousness.

"Take off your jeans, Jasper. I don't want to get fingerprints on them and mess them up," I tell him.

Well, I guess I'm not _too_ worked up to make fun of him.

"Shut up," he snaps back, taking off his jeans, nonetheless.

The next thing I know, my dick is in his mouth, and I shout out in pleasure. He pushes my knees up, placing his hands on my inner thighs and moves his mouth to my balls, taking one in his mouth.

"Oh, shit," I moan.

He runs his tongue across them, gently nipping at the loose skin with his teeth. One of his hands slides down to the area behind my balls, and he presses and strokes my perineum before circling my asshole with his finger.

I close my eyes, letting myself relax into the feeling. I trust Jasper. I'm ready for more.

"Please," I beg when his finger pushes against my opening.

He stops, and when I feel him get up from the bed, I open my eyes. He pulls open his desk drawer and grabs a bottle of lube before climbing back on the bed. I close my eyes again, letting my head fall back to the pillow. I listen as he flips the cap and squirts the liquid on his hand.

"Edward, look at me," Jasper pleads as he starts to stroke my dick, and I immediately do. His slick finger pushes once more against my hole. This time the tip of his finger slips into my body. "Is this what you want?" he asks. "I need to be sure."

"It's what I want," I reassure him.

"Good," he grunts before slowly sliding his finger all the way in.

Oh, God. I'm so full, and it feels so weird.

Then, though, he's moving his finger in and out and his mouth is back on my cock, and it starts to feel good… really good.

"Fuck," I hiss, my hips jerking forward, pushing my dick further into Jasper's mouth. He mumbles out something, but even though I can't make out what he said, the vibrations from his words feel amazing.

I tense when he slides another finger in, and he stops, giving me time to relax again. "Don't forget to breath, Edward," he teases, kissing me on the hip.

"God, you're so fucking tight," he moans against my skin. "I love the way you look with your legs spread for me. I've never seen anyone sexier than you. I can't wait to fuck you." His dirty words send a shiver through my body, and I drop my knees further, opening myself to him.

"Mm… that's it," he encourages me. Circling my hips, I push against him, silently asking for more. His tongue trails across my hip and back to my dick, where he swipes it up the length of me, circling the head with his tongue.

"Jasper!" I whine. God. I need him to move his fingers faster. I need him to suck my dick.

I just need more.

He curls his fingers inside me, and OH SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT?

"Jas – fuck," I yell out when his fingers brush over that spot again. My body jerks.

Jasper finally takes my cock fully into his mouth, never relenting on hitting that same magic spot inside my body. The sensations are overwhelming me. It feels so good, it almost hurts. Tears well in my eyes when I feel my orgasm approaching. It's more powerful than it has ever been before.

"Don't stop. Don't stop," I chant, digging my fingers into his curls.

With one more pass of his tongue and two more thrusts of his fingers, I come undone, losing myself in the overwhelming sensations. My shoulders shake with the intensity of it all. Jasper swallows everything I have and continues to lick my cock after it's spent, causing my stomach muscles to twist and clench.

He finally releases me from his mouth and his fingers slide out of my body. He looks up at me and grins, and I try to find the strength to smile back at him or pat his head or something.

All I manage is lifting my hand in a sort of a wave before my head falls back and my eyes close out of sheer exhausted bliss. I'm silent except for my heavy breathing while I regain all my ability to speak.

"So good," I finally tell him happily.

***~E~***

Thinking someone is calling my name, I stop and take a look around, but I soon get jostled for messing up the flow of traffic. This is obviously a heavily walked sidewalk in the quad and people don't appreciate stragglers.

Fuck! That doesn't mean it's acceptable to throw 'bows.

"Damn it all to hell," I hiss out, clutching my side. I glare at the small girl who jabbed me with all her power with her sharp elbow. She gives me an ugly look.

"Thanks a lot, Mighty Mouse! I'm going to have a bruise from your diamond-hard elbows!" I yell out at her, earning a couple strange glances from the people around me.

"A diamond is at the top of Moh's Hardness Scale, duh," I snap at no one in particular. "Does anyone else besides me pay attention in class?" I mumble to myself.

"Talc, Gypsum, Calcite, Fluorite, Apatite, Feldspar, Quartz, Topaz, Corundum and of course, Diamond," someone says from behind me.

I spin around to find a guy with sandy hair smiling at me. He's dressed in a polo shirt and khaki pants. I bet he even has a frat strap on his sunglasses. He seems nice though, despite his country club attire.

"What?"

"You're not the only one who pays attention. That was Moh's Hardness Scale… in order," he adds.

My brow lifts with my skepticism as I try to figure out this guy. He just continues to smile. "You're weird," slips out of my mouth before I even realize I said it.

"Nope, I'm Riley," he replies, sticking his hand out.

He's STILL smiling. It's starting to make me feel uncomfortable.

I shake it, still wondering what this guy's deal is. I bet he knows Eric. Well, he's got that never ending smile like Eric does, at least.

_It's like, you there, I just told you the world is about to be struck by an asteroid which will destroy all mankind. Why are you smiling?_

_I can't help it. Sir_!

"So, this is normally where you tell me your name?" Riley's voice breaks into my thoughts.

I open my mouth to speak. "Edward!"

I turn my head to find an out of breath Bella. "Edward," she says my name again. "Good lord, I was calling your name for like five minutes. You didn't hear me?" she asks, running her hands through her hair to get it out of her face. She blows the last strand but it flies into the air and then lands back on her face before she pushes it behind her ear.

"I thought I heard someone calling my name, but then this girl gave me the People's Elbow and Riley was talking about how hard minerals are and stuff," I ramble.

"Who's Riley?" Bella asks.

"Me," he says. "Hi, I'm Riley," he introduces himself to her with, but of course, a smile.

A small blond girl with black lips stomps up to us, glaring at Bella and then scowling at me. "Are we done with the running and yelling now?"

"It's good to see you, too, Jane," I greet her.

"I'm sorry." She doesn't sound sorry. "Where are my manners? Hello, Vagina."

"Jane," Bella hisses at her, giving her a roommate a terse head shake.

Riley, finally, is not smiling. He now looks confused. "Vagina?" he asks her.

_This is one of the strangest conversations I've ever had._

"Yeah, Vagina is my name for Edward." She gives me a cyanide-laced smile. "Said with affection of course."

"Right," I scoff under my breath.

Riley looks at me, his eyes keep glancing down to my crotch. "Do you have a vagina?" he asks in a voice that is definitely not a whisper.

What the hell is wrong with these people?

"NO!" I snap, covering my business with my binder so they stop looking.

"That makes you seem like you're hiding an erection, Vagina," Jane says without a hint of humor in her voice. I glare at her, but she just ignores me. "I'm hungry. Let's go eat with all the sheep."

"Baaah," Riley bleats with a smile.

When we get to the cafeteria, I immediately seek out Jasper. I know he'll save me from my new band of weirdos. I spot him sitting at a table with Laurent and Tranya… I mean Tanya.

Fantastic.

The four of us go through the line and then they follow me to Jasper's table. I zig zag around a few round tables, but they're too good. I can't shake them.

I slide in next to Jasper, and he gives me a big smile.

I want to kiss him, but I don't. There are just so many people around, and what would they say? How would they react? I'm not ready for public displays of affection. I mean, shit, I just had my first kiss like three months ago…

I'm definitely not ready for boy on boy action in the caf.

"Um, who are your friends?" Jasper asks after we're all settled. I give Bella a look, but she just shrugs. She's never any help.

"Well, this is Bella," I say, gesturing at her. "The one who looks like she cooks kittens in a cauldron," I continue, pointing at Jane. " is Jane, Bella's roommate."

Riley smiles extra big at me, seemingly showing off every white tooth in his mouth. "That's Riley."

"Hi, I'm Jasper," my boyfriend says ,introducing himself to Jane and Riley. "Dreads is Laurent. Tits is Tanya."

Laurent laughs, and Tanya makes a sound of protest, though she seems happy about being referred to as "Tits." I guess if you pay for them, you want people to notice. Like, what if you had a face lift, and then afterward, everyone always commented on how tired you looked? Wouldn't that be miserable, especially if your face was all droopy like that cartoon dog. What was his name? Droopy? Could it have been Droopy? That seems too easy.

"Edward," Jasper calls my name, snapping his fingers in front of my face. "Come back to us, dude."

"Huh?" I ask, shaking my head.

Bella laughs. "What were you thinking about? You looked confused."

"Oh, um, nothing," I tell her, and I can feel the heat rising on my cheeks.

"So, it was yo' birt-day, Jasper mon, no?" Laurent asks Jasper when the conversation lulls at the table.

"Wait a second," Jane butts in, staring at Laurent. "Where are you from?"

His body kind of shakes like a bird who's had it's feathers ruffled. Oh, I guess that's where that saying comes from. Laurent's feathers are ruffled, and it causes the beads in his dreads to clank together. I hum a little song in my head to the beat.

_Jamaica... France… Jamaica...France… Jamaica... France… _

It's a fun tune.

"I be's a child of da world, mon," he replies with a smile after a moment. "Just like you be's a child of da undaworld."

"Ooh, burn!" I yell.

Jane's scowl turns into a smile, and it freaks me the fuck out. "I like your dreads, Pepe le Pew," she tells him with a wink. I watch in disgust as she starts to eat her pudding. I guess it's supposed to be seductive. She's tonguing the spoon. It's really gross.

My feathers are beyond ruffled. They're like covered in fucking tar, preventing me from flying away from this horrendous display.

"I hear the pudding is good today, guys," Riley says with a smile, making everyone laugh.

Tanya laughs especially loud. Her deep yet soft voice rises above everyone else's. "That was a good one, Riley," she tells him.

He grins at her. "Thanks, T."

"Do y'all know each other?" Jasper asks.

"Oh, yeah, I see him at The Rusty Nail all the time. I especially like when he's wearing his red shorts ensemble," she says with a wink.

"Ooh, Tanya, don't you even start with me," Riley replies, swiping his hand at her. "Those were hot."

"Ring, Ring," she retorts, making her hand a phone. She picks it up. "Hello?" she answers the hand phone and then holds it out to Riley. "It's Richard Simmons. He wants his shorts back."

Riley laughs. "Whatever, girl, but who went home that night with Rico?"

She rolls her eyes. "Rico is a slut."

"Rico has got a beast in his pants. He deserves to be slutty," Riley says with a snap of his fingers. "Besides, he's no sluttier than you."

"Don't make me hurt you, Riley," she replied, narrowing her eyes at him.

He smiled. I wasn't surprised. "You shouldn't make that face, dear heart. You'll get wrinkles."

"So," Bella states, interrupting their bitch fight, "how dry is this meat, huh?"

Everyone stops and turns to her. Laurent examines his meat, and with a shrug of his shoulders, takes a bite, obviously finding nothing wrong with it.

"Really?" Jasper laughs. "What's the deal with this meat?" he asks, impersonating Jerry Seinfeld. "It's so dry it could be jerky!"

I shake my head. "So, lame," I tease him.

"Speaking of jerky," Riley says a second later. "Edward, how is yours?"

"What?"

"Are you a lefty or a righty?" he asks.

"I'm right handed," I tell him, confused.

He lets out a small laugh. "No, silly, does your dick hang to the left or the right." He licks his lips. "Are you a top or a bottom?"

"Excuse me?" I ask. I'm sure my face is as red as a cherry tomato.

He examines me, looking me up and down. "I bet you're a bottom boy, but I'm not sure. If you're a top, you are definitely tall enough for this ride, and I'm offering free admission all day long."

"Cockslut!" Tanya coughs, covering her mouth with her napkin.

Riley ignores her. "Well, baby…"

"Yeah, I don't fucking think so," Jasper snaps, interrupting him.

Riley smirks at him. "Don't worry, honey, you can definitely join us."

"No fucking way!" I yell, scooting my chair to where I'm blocking Jasper from Riley's sight. "No!" I repeat, shaking my head.

"So, you want me all to yourself, huh?" Riley asks, his voice getting all deep and whispery.

"Oh shit, this is like Gays of Our Lives," Jane says with amusement in her voice even though her face is blank. I think if she actually smiled. The world would implode.

"Edward is MY boyfriend," Jasper growls at Riley, pushing my chair back so he can glare over at him. "I'm the only one who gets any part of his dick, so you need to back the fuck off."

"Woah there, Randy Savage," Riley says, putting his hands up. "Violence is never the answer.

Jasper's eyes widen, and he looks over at me. "Did I say anything about violence?" he questions, but I'm not sure he's really talking _talking_ to me. I shake my head anyway. "I didn't say a single thing about violence," he directs to Riley. "I don't fucking appreciate that accusation either!"

I can tell Jasper is getting truly angry now, and in his few completely unguarded moments, he's let me know his fears about hurting people, about turning into his father. He hates to feel out of control from anger, and he's getting pretty close to that point. He's practically shaking.

Jasper stands up, pushing his chair back hard. He never takes his eyes off Riley, and the glare he's giving him would make Osama Bin Laden flinch. Riley's smile falters now.

Jasper looks down at me and holds his hand out. "Come on, Edward. Let's get the fuck out of here."

I look at him and then back to the table. Everyone looks shocked. I want to stay behind for a moment and apologize because this whole thing has gotten out of control, but I also want to go with Jasper, to comfort him right now. He needs me. I stand up, but apparently, I didn't do it quick enough because he mumbles something to himself and walks right past me.

"Riley, I would appreciate if you stop hitting on me," I tell him. "I'm flattered but not interested."

"Bella, I'll call you later," I say to my friend, waving at everyone else at the table before I follow behind my boyfriend.

He's not waiting for me on the other side of the cafeteria doors, and he's not waiting for me outside the student center.

I walk to the dorm, and he is in the room, pacing and muttering to himself.

This is _not_ the good kind of waiting.

He stops pacing and turns to face me, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I can't believe you, Edward," Jasper says to me, shaking his head.

"What did I do? I wasn't encouraging him!"

"This isn't about that queen!" Jasper yells out. He closes his eyes and clenches his fists, taking deep breaths. "This isn't about him," he says again in a normal tone. "This is about you and me."

What's wrong with us? Why is he so angry? I can't help that some guy was flirting with me. It's not like I was flirting back. Jasper was the one who acted like a dick in front of everyone. He should be apologizing to me!

"I don't get why you're angry with me," I state in a calm voice.

He locks eyes with me, his jaw clenched tight. "All you had to do was take my hand," he almost whispers. He blinks away the moisture I see in his eyes. He looks up and turns his head away, swiping the back of his hand under his nose.

"I followed you," I say, my body still.

He rolls his eyes. "I needed you, Edward. I needed your support. I needed you to hold my fucking hand!"

I put my hand out to him. He stares at it for a long time. He finally looks back up to me. "It's too late, Edward." He starts to leave.

"What?" I scream, my hand dropping by my side. "I'm here, Jasper. Don't fucking run away."

He stops, his hand still on the doorknob. "I know you're here… in this room, Edward, but I need you to be there, out there… everywhere, as well."

"Please don't go," I beg. "We need to talk about this."

His shoulders slump when he leans his forehead against the door. "Edward, it's too hard for me to go back into the closet. If I put my hand out to you, it hurts to have you reject it."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…"

"Don't," he interrupts, his voice terse. "I'm too worked up to talk about this now. I don't want to say something I'll regret."

"Jasper—"

"I'll be back later."

With that, he's out the door.

Twenty minutes later, he still hasn't come back and pacing around the room isn't helping my nerves… like, at all. Why do they always do that shit in the movies? I just want to bury myself under the covers and never come out.

What is he saying?

Am I holding him back? I mean, I know there have been times he's wanted to hold my hand, or whatever, and I held back, but he has to realize how I feel about this all. I went years without letting anyone else in. I was just like a fucking mannequin when I was in high school. I looked okay on the outside, but I wasn't really alive. I was just going through the motions. With college, I decided to let go, to open up, and I have! I really fucking have.

I've stepped up to the plate, the gay plate if you will, time and time again. I've been there for him, and stupid Jasper lets all of that be overshadowed by one moment. It's like he only lives in the present and the past never matters.

That's why employers need references. Your past behavior DOES matter.

Jasper would hire some shitty employees.

Wait.

Am I the shitty employee?

"Answer the phone, Bub!" Alice's voice breaks into my head, and I look around confused. What the…

"Answer the phone, Bub!" I hear again, and this time my phone vibrates in my pocket. I fish it out and flip it open.

"When did you change my ringtone for you?" I ask in lieu of greeting.

She laughs. "_Before you went back to school. Isn't it great?_"

"Sure," I say to her, my voice dead.

The line is quiet for a moment. "_Are you okay, Bub?_" she questions. "_What's wrong?_"

That's when I realize I can't even tell her what's wrong. I can't share one of the most important parts of my life with the most important people in my life – my family.

"Alice, is dad home?"

***~E~***

I get off the plane eight hours later, tired and miserable. When I see my father pacing back and forth outside the terminal, I feel comforted, despite my horrible night. I guess it doesn't matter how old you are, your parents are always going to be your parents and you're always going to be the child.

"Dad," I call out to him.

He lifts his head in my direction. A look of relief passes over his face when he sees that I still have all four limbs. I didn't tell him why I needed to come home, only that I needed to—that it was beyond imperative.

When I asked him over the phone to come home for the weekend, he was quiet for a moment before agreeing, but he called me back five minutes later with my flight information. I jotted Jasper a quick note, threw some clothes in a duffel bag and ordered myself a taxi, leaving twenty minutes later for the airport.

Jasper still hadn't returned.

"Edward," he says my name in greeting, throwing his arms around me and enveloping me in a hug. He pulls back and opens his mouth to speak, and I can see it in his eyes what he's going to ask me. I give him a small smile and shake my head.

"Later?" I ask, and he nods, throwing his arm over my shoulder to lead me out the airport.

I doze off on the ride home, and I barely even remember making my way up the stairs to my room and crawling under the covers and losing myself to sleep.

"Waaake uuuup," Alice whispers in her sing-song voice. The mattress dips next to me, and I don't even have to open my eyes to know that Alice is kneeling on the other side of my bed, literally bouncing up and down as she waits for me to get up.

"Go away," I croak, my eyes still closed. "I'm sleeping."

"Edward," she warns, placing her hands flat on my side.

"You can't do it anymore, Ali," I tell her with a yawn. "I'm too strong."

That was definitely the wrong thing to say because before I even realize it I'm on the floor. I open my eyes to find Alice leaning out over the bed with a smug grin on her face.

"Who can't do what now?" she asks while pretending to buff her nails on her shirt.

She's evil, I tell you.

"Shit, Alice, my tailbone is going to be bruised," I whine, sitting up so I can rub my lower back. "Getting pushed out of the bed wasn't funny when I was ten and it's even less funny now."

"Well, don't tell me I can't do something, Bub," she replies, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Great, this is just how I wanted to wake up this morning. Way to kick a guy OUT OF HIS BED when he's feeling down." Grumbling to myself, I stand up and walk toward the door. If Alice is in my room, I'm just going to have to go… anywhere else.

Not even two minutes after I plop down on the living room couch, Alice is curling herself up on the chair where she proceeds to stare at me.

"What?" I ask when I just can't take anymore of her weird silence and judging eyes.

She looks down at her fingernails, examining her cuticles or some girly shit like that. "You can talk to me, you know," she says in a soft voice. "No matter what you say or admit you're my brother and I love you."

Shit.

She knows. But, how?

"You know?" I finally ask. I have every intention of being strong, but it comes out as a whisper.

She looks up at me, giving me a reassuring smile. "I don't know anything, really, not unless you tell me."

She's lying. She knows, but she doesn't care. She's letting me know she's cool with it. At least, I hope that's what she's doing.

"I'm gay," I tell her in a surprisingly steady voice.

"I know!" Alice squeals. She's practically vibrating with excitement.

"You just said you didn't know!"

"Of course I knew, Edward," she replies with a snort. "I think I knew before you did."

"You're not psychic, Alice," I tell her, rolling my eyes. "We've been over that again and again."

She scoffs. "I haven't claimed to be psychic in years, Bub. I even donated my crystal ball to Goodwill."

"How did you know?"

"I pay attention," is all she says in return.

"Is it obvious?"

She stares at me for a good moment, searching my face for something – I'm not even sure anymore. She frowns, so I guess I failed her secret test.

"Would you be upset if it were obvious?" she asks. "Are you ashamed of yourself?"

"Okay, back up there, Dr. Phil." I sit up, resting my elbows on my knees with my hands clasped together. This is my serious stance – well, serious stance while sitting. I have a different one for standing, but that's beside the point. I turn my head to her and take a deep breath.

"Am I obviously gay?"

"Why does that matter?" she asks, mimicking my posture.

"It just does!" I yell. God, she's frustrating.

"Is it obvious that I'm straight?" she questions.

"What? What kind of question is that? You are freaking boy crazy. It's obvious."

"That's because you know me. Can you decide my sexuality based on the way I look?"

"No, but it's different. Guys are different," I insist.

She starts to cluck her tongue which means she's thinking. She has gotten trouble in a lot of classes for that over the years. I guess her teachers thought she was giving out answers on tests in Swahili or something.

"You don't think there are women who come off as lesbians right off the bat?" she asks.

"Well, I guess so, but I still don't get why that matters, Alice," I tell her, standing up, hoping it will calm me down. I rub my temples. She's giving me a headache. "I don't care about butch lesbians. I care about whether or not I come off as gay."

"WHY DOES IT MATTER?" she asks, yelling out the question very slow.

"It… it…" I pause, searching for the right words to show her my point and to end this inane conversation.

"Why is it important that someone sees you and thinks—," she lowers her voice as much as she can, "look at that guy's shirt, he must really dig vagina!"

"No one thinks things like that, but if it was the opposite, they totally would!"

"Yeah, but why does it matter if they think you like boys, Edward?" she asks, her voice raising. "You do like boys!"

"What?"

We both turn at my father's question, finding him standing in the doorway.

"Dad… um… that…" I fumble for the right thing to say.

"Alice can you go up to your room, please, honey," he interrupts me.

She gives him a reluctant nod and turns toward the stairway, walking ridiculously slow. My dad clears his throat and she picks up her pace, finally disappearing up the stairs.

"Please, Anthony, have a seat," he says to me, seating himself in the uncomfortable chair – the one my mom just had to have because it tied the room together. It makes your ass burn and your back ache if you sit it in for more than ten minutes, but we will never get rid of it.

"Edward," I remind him.

"I'm sorry. It slipped," he says, faking a laugh. "I must be getting senile with my old age."

"Yeah, that's it," I encourage him. "So, you probably just misunderstood what you just heard Alice say about me."

"You're gay," he states in a flat voice. I quickly wipe away the tears that are welling in my eyes, and I nod. "Well, shit." He shakes his head. "Are you sure?"

I let out a hiss of air and grit my teeth. "Are you sure that you like women?"

"Well, then, I get your point, son."

"My point?" I ask, shaking my head. "I'm not trying to make a point, dad. It's just, I'm sure." I take a deep breath. "I'm gay."

He doesn't say anything for a while, and the silence is killing me. I'm this close to pulling my hair out. He must be disgusted by me. He's going to kick me out, and I'm never going to see my family again. I won't be able to pay for school. I won't be able to pay for the dorms! I can't be separated from Jasper. I won't!

"I love him!" I yell, breaking the horrible silence, immediately clapping my hand over my mouth.

He stares at me, searching my face for something. "Are you using condoms?"

"Are you kidding me?" I ask, with a manic laugh. "I just told you I was gay and that's all you have to say?"

"You have to protect yourself against diseases," he says.

"Fucking ridiculous," the curse slips out before I even realize it.

He slips his fingers under his glasses and rubs his eyes and the bridge of his nose, mumbling to himself the whole time. He finally looks back at me. "I'm sorry. It's too easy for me to slip into doctor mode," he apologizes, giving me a small, guilty smile.

He stands up with a groan and walks over to sit next to me on the couch, slipping an arm around my shoulders. My body tenses at the contact, but he just pulls me toward him so he can give me a man hug.

"Dad, I can't change who I am," I say, wiping away a few salty tears that have slipped down my cheek.

He shakes his head. "And, I would never want you to change, Edward. No matter what, I love you. No matter what, you're my son. Your sexuality sure as hell doesn't change that."

I lean into his embrace. "God, I can't believe I'm crying."

"A weaker man holds in his emotions," he remarks, rubbing his hand soothingly on my upper arm.

"Did you get that on a fortune cookie or something?" I joke, surreptitiously wiping my nose on his shirt.

He holds me tight in the hug. "I seriously can't believe you just did that."

"Huh?"

"Wiping your nose on my shirt was kind of cute when you were five, but now it's just disgusting, Edward," he says, reprimanding me with a smile.

"I didn't—"

"Edward," he interrupts me.

"Fine, you caught me," I admit. "I wiped my snot on your shirt."

He smiles. "I'll let it slide. I am also willing to forget that curse word as well… just this once."

"So, you're fine. I mean, you're…" I trail off, searching for the right words.

"Well, I don't think I'm ready to hear about the, um, particulars, you know, the, um, romantic parts of it…"

"Ew. Stop. Gross," I interrupt him, shaking my head. "I don't want to talk about that with you either."

"Then, we agree," he says happily.

"Yeah," I reply, trying to get the mental image of talking butt sex with my dad out of my head.

"Ok, we agree… not… to … talk," he pauses. "Seems like we'd be taking a step back."

"No, it's fine," I reassure him. "We agree not to talk about sex, but we agree to be open about other things."

"Yeah, um, that's good. Should we shake on it?"

"Seriously?"

"Should we… hug it out?"

"Please don't say that again," I tell him with a frown, shaking my head.

"I thought that was hip?"

"It makes me so sad for you when you try to be cool, dad."

He laughs, shoving me away playfully before pulling me back into a hug. He holds on to me tight, his hands flat against my back.

"You are a great kid, Edward, and I'm so unbelievably proud of you," he tells me, his voice breaking. "I love you, no matter what."

"I love you, too," I mumble into his shirt.

He doesn't let go even though it's bordering on way too long. I push away from him, brushing the front of my shirt down. "Wow, that was a super gay hug," I comment, trying not to laugh.

His mouth falls open in shock, and I break down in laughter. He grabs a pillow off the couch and whacks me in the back of the head.

"Smartass."

***~E~***

Sunday comes way too fast, and then I'm back on a plane to Seattle. It's only when the Captain comes through the speakers, reminding everyone to turn off their electronics, do I remember my cell phone.

I haven't heard it all weekend, though, and I thought Jasper would have called me.

Searching my duffel, I can't find it anywhere, and I trace my steps in my head, realizing that I either lost it or left it in the dorm.

Either way, I don't think Jasper is going to be very happy with me. I mean, I did leave a note. I didn't just leave.

Still, if it was Jasper who had left, I would have been worried sick and pissed off beyond belief.

Oh, God, he's going to be so pissed.

I can't think of anything else on the entire plane ride back, and my stomach is twisting in knots. I fucked up... hard.

Who forgets their cell phones? Who forgets that they forgot their cell phone?

Fuck.

Fuckity Fuck FUCK!

When the plane finally lands, I'm sweating bullets. I bet I've got huge embarrassing pit stains already. I follow the throng of people off the plane and into the terminal, and my eyes immediately land on Jasper, a very angry looking Jasper.

Gasping, I stop mid-step, causing the person behind me to run into the back of me.

"I'm sorry," I apologize to the stranger, never taking my eyes off my boyfriend. He doesn't move, making me walk over to him.

"Edward, you are such a fucking asshole for leaving like that. Jesus, I've been going insane!" he hisses at me, clenching his jaw.

Without a second thought, I drop my bag on the ground and throw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his body and kissing him with everything I have. His body is rigid for a second longer before relaxing into the kiss. His arms circle my body, holding me uncomfortably tight, but I relish in the feel of him around me.

We finally break the kiss, and all I can see is him.

"I'm always going to take your hand from now on," I tell him with a small smile.

He looks dumbfounded for a moment before his face breaks into a grin. "That's all I ask, Edward."

I pick up my duffel and turn back to my boyfriend, and when he holds out his hand, I slip mine into his, interlocking our fingers. He gives me an almost shy smile.

We make it about two minutes in blissful silence. "And, don't you think by you coming off the plane and going all romantic comedy on me that I've forgotten about you going AWOL this weekend, Edward," Jasper says. "Don't ever do that to me again. I will not hesitate to drop kick your ass."

"I promise, I won't," I answer him, squeezing his hand in mine.

"Good," he sighs. "Boy, you are lucky that I like you so much."

I laugh. "I know. I really am."

* * *

**Quite a bit was covered in this super long chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. Edward is always fun to write. Fingers crossed I stop sucking so hard and get the next chapter out sooner. :)**

**Also, I realized today that I posted the first chapter of ATD one year ago. That's craaaazy to me. Thanks for sticking with me, y'all. **

**I'd love to hear what you think. **


	28. Jasper & his Calming Mantra

**No, your eyes are not deceiving you this is a new chapter of ATD. It's been forever and a day. I know. I'm sorry. Let's move on, and try to ignore the new awkwardness in our relationship. Okay, so awkwardness aside, thanks to Ontheturningaway for beta'ing this for me. She's fantastic. There is some rehashing in this chapter of moments from last chapter, but I tried not to be too repetitive. There were just some big moments here. Anyway, I don't know own it. **

* * *

"Come on, Edward. Let's get the fuck out of here," I say to him, holding out my hand. He looks at me, searching my eyes for only a moment, his brows knitted together. I just need him to take my hand, to come with me, to help me cool off. I can't leave him here with that guy.

_Riley_.

Ugh. His parents obviously named him that solely because they knew how much he was going to rile me up one day in the future.

When Edward turns back to the table, I can't help the growl of frustration that slips out of my throat. I can't be in here anymore. They're all watching me with wide eyes like I'm a child throwing a tantrum in the grocery store. Shit, maybe I am overreacting, but I can't even handle the idea of someone propositioning my boyfriend, let alone actually witnessing some asshole do it.

I think I'm being pretty damn calm for the most. Let me tell you, I could wipe that smile right off his fucking face if I wanted. I am Jasper. Hear me roar and shit.

"Roar, motherfuckers," I grumble to myself as I turn and walk out of the cafeteria, and I don't stop until I'm outside of the dorm room with my hand on the doorknob. I don't even want to go in, but I have nowhere else to go. I open the door and walk in, slamming it behind me before pacing back and forth.

I'm just so angry, and I know a large part of it is irrational. I do get that. I understand that I shouldn't allow myself to get so worked up.

I just am.

I can't justify it, but it's there. I feel like I'm about to seriously lose my shit. I want to break something. No, I want to DESTROY something! Gritting my teeth, I roll my head back, loosening my neck. My fingers clench and unclench with every heavy breath as I pace the room.

I need to relax. Being this tense is only making things worse.

_Calm down, Jasper. Take a deep breath. Come on, just let it go. _

The door opens and closes, and I automatically shut my eyes, taking a few more deep and hopefully calming breaths. I finally open my eyes and turn toward him, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I can't believe you, Edward," is all I can manage to say.

"What did I do? I wasn't encouraging him!" he yells, his arms out beside his body like he has no idea what this is really about, and in all honesty, he probably doesn't. That fact, though, seems to do nothing to soothe the anger I'm feeling. Why can't the boy just understand?

I yell back that's it not about that guy, and it comes out even louder than I intended. I have got to get control of myself. I close my eyes and clench my fists, digging my blunt fingernails into my palm. When I feel the slight sting, it takes me out of my head enough to calm me down. This is only anger, only an emotion. I compose myself marginally and let him know that this whole thing is only about us, it's always about us.

Edward furrows his brows to the point where they appear to be one on his forehead, and he shakes his head, shrugging his shoulders in what I hope to be confusion and not apathy.

"I don't get why you're angry with me," he states, and I'm not surprised. He never fucking gets it. They say that ignorance is bliss, but that's not true. Ignorance is Edward Cullen.

My teeth grind when I clench my jaw. I look up, locking my eyes with his. "All you had to do was take my hand," I say, practically whispering.

I feel the burn in my eyes before my brain registers what is happening, and I have to blink rapidly to stop the tears that are threatening to fall. Crying is like the last fucking thing I want do. I don't even get why it's happening right now. I think my body is revolting against me.

"I followed you," he says, not taking his eyes off my face.

I'm not good at sharing my emotions. I want him to be able look at me and just know. It's not fair, but it is what it is. He waits for me to say something, and I blurt out everything I was feeling, how I needed him, need him. Without Edward, I think I'd lose myself, but right now, I feel like I'm losing _it. _I need fresh air; I have to get out of this room before I blow my shit. I can't do that. I can't lose control over my anger. I won't. I refuse.

Edward sucks in a deep breath and puts his hand out to me, and it's so fucking tempting. All I have to do is reach out… and crush his fingers in mine. Yeah, that wouldn't help the situation. Plus, I don't really want to do that. Right now, it's just a little too late, and I tell him so.

"What?" he screams, dropping his hand with a dejected face. "I'm here, Jasper. Don't fucking run away."

I stop at the door. He doesn't know what he's asking. If I stay, I'm not going to be nice. I'm going to yell, and they aren't going to be kind words. I don't want to make this worse than it already is. I'm just still so angry. I need to calm down. I need to get out of here.

He's here, he says, and I know that. Of course, he's here for me in the privacy of our room, but I'm starting to wonder if that's enough for me. It's more than hypocritical of me because I know I just came out of the closet that I hid in for so long. Irrational as it is, I can't change how I feel.

"I know you're here… in this room, Edward," I start, trying to articulate the tornado of thoughts in my head, "but I need you to be there, out there… everywhere, as well."

I don't turn around. I can't allow myself to see his face because I'll never be able to walk out the door, and for my sanity, I need to leave right now.

He begs me not to go, and it would be so easy to give in to his request. We'd embrace, kiss through the anger, making it seem like all the hurt was gone and once again, not talk. Nothing would change. Then, we'd have the audacity to act surprised when this happens again.

My head slumps against the door as I fight the urge to take the easy way out. I remind myself that I'm out of the closet now. I'm ready for more, and it doesn't even have to be _that_ much more. It's such a simple thing. If I want to hold my boy's hand, I want to fucking hold his hand. That's it! Seriously, I talk a big game, but I can only take so much rejection. I tell him so.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean…" he says, and he sounds really hurt—which makes it all more difficult. I don't want to hurt him, but at the same time I do. Yet, the thought that I'm hurting him makes me feel like I'm going to throw up, but if I stay, I'll only hurt him worse. It's one giant fucked up Catch-22.

"Don't," I interrupt him, "I'm too worked up to talk about this now. I don't want to say something I'll regret."

"Jasper—"

"I'll be back later."

With that, I'm out the door. The truth is that I don't really have anywhere in particular to go, so I just wander around campus, letting the cold weather cool down my overheated head.

Thirty minutes into my walk, it finally sinks in how much I truly overreacted. It not like anyone has ever described me as level-headed, though. It's just that it's _Edward. _No one else has the power over me like he does. If it was someone else, I wouldn't have thought twice about it, but when he didn't take my hand, it felt like a slap in the face.

And, if it's been a while since you've been slapped in the face, let me just remind you—it fucking hurts.

I walk around campus it bit longer, all angry and overdramatic like, kicking at the pebbles, but after about an hour of walking and two laps of the entire campus I'm just tired and cold. I don't feel justified about storming out. It's not that it wasn't the right thing to do at that time, but now, the only thing I want to do is crawl into Edward's bed and press my icicle face against his warm chest and apologize for acting like a dick.

Except when I get back to the dorm, he's not there.

Maybe he just went to the bathroom or something, but after a second glance around I see a piece of paper on my bed. My feet feel like lead underneath me when I read his scribbled note. I sit, in shock.

_J- Went home. Sorry. – E. _

And, that's it.

I turn the paper over, hoping that it says, "Sike!" or "Gotcha!" or even more of an explanation, but the only thing on the other side are some notes and a doodle of that Looney Tune with the giant red mustache. Only Edward would draw Yosemite Sam during class.

I've really fucked up this time. Why did I have to act like such an asshole? It's never enough for me to poke the bee hive. No, I have to fucking kick and stomp it, really get all that shit into a frenzy. And, where does that get me—stung to death by bees like Macaulay Culkin.

A scream of frustration escapes through gritted teeth, and I collapse onto the nearest thing—Edward's bed. I'm neither happy nor proud to admit that I bury my face in his pillow, sucking up the scent through my nose like it's the most delicious smell in the world—which it is.

I don't see how I'm going to function without Edward. He has to come back. He can't leave me; I need him.

I love him.

Oh fuck. I love Edward.

"I love you, Edward," I say aloud to his pillow, "You stupid motherfucker."

I take my cell phone out of my pocket and find his number in the addresses. The knot in my throat is so fucking huge that it hurts to swallow. I have to tell him how I feel. If I tell him, he'll come back right now. I know he will.

…_Why you wanna blame me for your troubles? Ah ah ah you better learn your lesson yourself. Nobody ever wants to find out what's in my mind tonight…_

Well, shit, he left fucking his cellphone here, and his new ringtone is an omniscient little shit.

***~J~***

"Hi, Jasper!"

"Um, hey, Alice. I didn't wake you up did I?" I greet her after a moment. She caught me off guard. Alice apparently doesn't have time for the normal, "hello?" I hate that it has come down to this, but I have emailed and facebooked him and I've gotten nothing in return.

In one of my more pathetic moments, I even called his phone and left a message even though I was holding his phone in my hand when I did it. I just wanted to hear his voice. It was very enlightening because I hadn't realized how dick whipped I was by Edward.

I called Bella last night, but she hadn't heard anything from him either. She was nice enough to invite me over to her dorm, but I wouldn't want to do that. She's better friends with Edward, so I called Rosalie and whined to her.

"No, I've been up for about three hours. The early bird catches the worm… or the last bit of the milk for cereal, ya know?" she says with a giggle.

"Um, yeah," I reply because I feel like I have to.

"Are you looking for Edward?" she asks after an awkward moment of silence.

A let out a giant motherfucking sigh of relief. "He's there?"

"Yeah, he's still asleep. You want me to wake him up?"

"NO!" I yell a lot louder than I intended.

"Uh, okay," she replies, sounding like she's trying to placate a crazy person. I'm sure she probably thinks I'm crazy since I'm calling her pretty early on a Saturday morning.

"He got there last night?" I ask her, needing to know that he's okay, that he is one piece or whatever.

I fight back the questions that are on the tip of my tongue. How could he just leave like that? What time did he get home? Did he look sad? Is he angry with me? It's not like Alice would have the answers to those questions, and I definitely shouldn't burden her with them.

I just wish he wouldn't have left. I mean, I know I left first last night as well, but fuck, I came BACK. That's the difference between the two of us. It's his turn to come back—now preferably.

"Yeah, he was all pouty sadface, and he pretty much begged my dad to come home for the weekend," she says, sounding upset.

"Oh," I reply, trying not to sound all "pouty sadface" myself.

"Jasper, I hate that I need to ask this, but Edward is my brother and he's very important to me, you understand that, right?" she practically growls out. My eyes widen. I know the girl is tiny, but right now, she sounds fucking terrifying.

"I understand," I mumble, my eyes locked on the floor, like I'm too chicken shit to make eye contact, even though we're only talking over the phone. This girl is good, scary good.

"Great," she says, once again sounding cheery. She pauses, taking a deep breath. "Did you hurt him?"

I wish I could answer that question in the negative, but I'd be lying. I did hurt him. I saw it on his face. I heard it in his voice. It was a mutual hurt, though. That shit went both ways. Would that stop five-foot nothing Alice from coming over here and kicking my ass, though? I'm thinking probably not.

"It's complicated," is what I finally deem safe to say in return.

"Hmm," she muses, and the silence that follows starts to fuck with my head. I'm about to admit it all, and just let the wrath of Alice fall on my head. I deserve it, anyway. As I'm about to break, she finally says, "Things are never really complicated, Jasper."

"This just… is," I tell her, fumbling for the right words.

"Why is Edward here?" she asks after a moment, seeking the same answer with a different question.

"You'll have to ask him that. Then after you do, please feel free to call and tell me," I add with a sad laugh. Could I be more melodramatic? Seriously, I feel like I should be throwing a fit that not even the likes of _Days of Our Lives_ has ever seen. My mom watched a lot of soaps growing up. Don't judge me.

"You know, Jasper," she says, her voice dropping into a soothing tone. "Everything is going to be just fine."

"Yeah," I say because I don't know what else to say, and she paused like she wanted me to contribute to the conversation. There, contribution fulfilled. I hope she wasn't looking for me to spout some prose or some shit like that.

"Edward is not the type of guy that just disappears," she continues. "He came home for the weekend, so I guess he needs his family or need to tell us something. I'm not sure why he's here, but I _am _sure that he'll be coming back."

Right, but will he be coming back as my boyfriend or my estranged roommate? God, the latter is too depressing to even think about.

"Yeah," I mumble again into the phone. I'm really not adding much to this conversation, but what would I say? It's like I can or should voice my concerns to Alice. She doesn't need the burden of my shit on her shoulders. Plus, she doesn't even know I'm dating her brother. Although, she's probably come to some kind of conclusion that our relationship is closer than just friends since I'm acting like a giant baby on the phone with her.

Also, that one time I met her, she knew what was going on between us way before there even was an "us." I doubt she would be surprised if I just told her that Edward and I are dating, but it's not my place. Those words will have to come from her brother.

"I'm sorry you're sad, Jasper," she says, and she sounds truthful. "But," she adds, slipping back into her scary, growling voice, "if I find out that you hurt, Edward, I'll cut your balls off." The freakiest part of that is that by the time she got to the warning concerning my boys her voice was back to its normal, cheery tone. I have a strong feeling that she would actually follow through with that threat. My eyes widen, and my balls tighten automatically, trying to disappear from the crazy girl in Illinois.

"Um, got it," I reply, trying to laugh so I can delude myself into thinking that she's joking.

"Ok, well, I'm going to wake up Crankypants and figure out what's going on. Are you _sure_ you don't want me to tell him you called?"

"I'm sure," I answer. I want him to want to call me, to realize that he's forgotten his phone and that I'm probably sick with fucking worry, pacing the tiny floor of our dorm room and shit. I want him to know that on his own. It's not the same if he has to be told to miss me and to call me.

Shit. I'm turning into a fucking girl.

"Alice just make sure he's okay, and be there for him no matter what," I tell her.

"Of course," she replies. I can hear the smile in her voice. It makes me happy that he has such a supportive family. If I would have been more supportive, this whole situation would have gone a whole different, better way.

"I have a feeling that everything is going to be just fine," Alice muses.

"Well, I hope you're feeling is correct."

She laughs. "They normally are," she answers happily. "Bye!" she calls out, hanging up before I even have a chance to respond.

I look at my phone for a moment in confusion. Those Cullen kids need to work on their phone manners. One doesn't follow normal protocol, and the other one doesn't call at all.

***~J~***

Sunday morning I wake up from a restless sleep. I have a small moment of clarity where I remember all the fucked up details of a fucked up dream, but they quickly filter out of my mind, replaced by the ever pressing realization that Edward is still not here.

It's only been about a month since we started sharing a bed each night, and in the scheme of things, that's not long at all. Still, it feels wrong to be here by myself. And, by here, I mean in Edward's bed where I slept all weekend. I may or may not have hugged his pillow, pretending it was him, but it's romantic and shit to be pining away for your boyfriend in his bed. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

The thought of actually getting up and putting on real clothes crosses my mind, but it would take too much energy to do that, let alone walking to the cafeteria for breakfast. Instant oatmeal will just have to do today. I force myself out from under the covers, nuke some Cinnamon & Spice oatmeal and shuffle down the hall to piss. Once my bladder's empty and I'm back in the room, I wash my hands, climbing immediately back into bed to eat my oatmeal. I turn the television on for some background noise and throw the remote to the other bed. It's just my luck that some stupid, sappy movie is on, but I'm too lazy to get out of bed to flip the channel.

The next thing I know, I'm screaming at the TV, cursing them both for being so stupid.

"Just tell her how you feel, Ben!" I yell. "Use some goddamn courage, you pussy!"

In the end, everything in their perfect movie world is perfect, of course, but it just makes me remember how _not_ perfect my shit is right now. With a big whiny sigh, I bury myself in the blankets and take a nap.

My phone buzzes on the nightstand next to me, waking me out of my sleep, and I reach over, blindly grabbing it.

**SeaTac. 4. **

That's all the text message says, but it's more than enough to get my ass up and in action. It's already two, so I throw some clothes on, brush my teeth, grab my keys and wallet and lock the door behind me.

Two hours and ten minutes later, I'm standing outside the terminal, waiting impatiently for Edward's plane to disembark. I can't wait to see him. I've been so fucking miserable this entire weekend. I never ever want to leave a situation between us hanging like that again. Sure, there will be fights, but we need to know at the end of the day that no matter what our shit is straight.

I know I started it all by walking out, but I just needed to cool off before I said things I would regret. I had every intention of coming back and talking about shit. Edward didn't just leave the room; he left the fucking state!

I can't help but feel a bit disgruntled by the whole thing. I'm going to kill him for making me so stressed with worry. Well, first I'm going to kiss him, then I'm going to kill him. Hopefully, after the killing, we'll get to kiss some more.

Not even five minutes later, a swarm of people shuffle out, and I smile when I see that mop of disheveled hair. I give myself some time to stare at Edward's face before he sees me. He looks nervous. Does he know I'm here? Did Alice tell him that she sent me that text message? If so, did he expect me to come?

Edward's gaze shifts around aimlessly before he spots me. When he does, it's almost comical. His eyes get all wide, and he stops suddenly, causing the person behind him to run right into the back of him. I watch as he mumbles to the man, never taking his eyes off of me. I smile inwardly at that, but I'm not ready to show him that smile. I have to know what he's going to say first.

He walks over to me, giving me a small smile, seemingly testing the emotional waters between us. Before I even realize it, I'm full on angry whispering, calling him an asshole for leaving the way he did.

And, then, he's wrapping himself around me and pressing his lips to mine, kissing me… in the middle of the fucking airport! People are staring and one woman points, looking like she's all disgusted, but she can go to hell for all I care.

The only thing I care about right now is this boy. When we break the kiss, he smiles at me, all gorgeous like, and tells me, "I'm always going to take your hand from now on."

I can't help the grin that consumes my face. "That's all I ask, Edward," I say to him, watching him grab his bag. I hold out my hand because I want to, and because it's super fitting with the conversation we just had. I mean, how could I not? He slips his hand into mine. I swear, I might blush a little which makes me feel freaking retarded, but I'm happy.

Once our Hallmark moment wears off, the weekend memories creep up on me again. I turn to him, stopping him and say, "And, don't you think by you coming off the plane and going all romantic comedy on me that I've forgotten about you going AWOL this weekend, Edward. Don't ever do that to me again!"

He promises that he won't with a squeeze of his hand, and I swear this boy has got me wrapped around his pinkie finger. I'm cool with it, though because I know what I want him to be wrapped around.  
I'm talking about my dick… if you didn't get that.

"Good," I tell him with a small sigh of relief, adding, "Boy, you are lucky that I like you so much."

"I know. I really am," he replies with a happy laugh.

I grab his hand and pull him into me, letting our bodies bounce off of each other. I laugh, and he snorts. I let it slide because I'm a good boyfriend.

I slip my hand into my pocket, pulling out his cell phone. "Missing something?" I ask, handing him his phone.

Edward grimaces as he takes the device from me, putting into his pocket. "I can't believe I forgot this."

"You could have called from a different phone," I tell him. "I was full on freaking the fuck out."

"I'm sorry, Jasper," he apologizes. "I got home so late and then yesterday was filled with all these heavy conversations. I was exhausted and went to bed early. I didn't even realize I didn't have my phone until I started thinking about how I missed you when I was on the plane."

I would have liked if he would have been missing me not just on the plane but over the entire weekend, but getting all worked up about that is not really what we need right now. I'll just have to let that go. I think I'm fucking maturing or something.

"Heavy conversations?" I ask after a moment.

He smiles, taking a deep breath, scratching the back of his neck with his free hand. "I told my dad and sister that I'm gay."

I stop abrubtly, never dropping his hand which causes Edward to snap backwards when he keeps walking. "You did?" I ask. My emotions are pretty much brimming over right now—love, happiness and now pride. Edward is unbelievable.

He nods. "That's why I went home. I needed to tell them."

"How'd they take it?"

"Great. I mean, it was awkward with my dad, but it went well."

"How was it awkward?"

He smiles at me and chuckles. "Dude, he asked me if we should hug it out!"

I laugh, and drop his hand so I can throw my arm over his shoulder, pulling him tight against my body. "I'd like to do a little more than hug it out if you know what I mean," I tell him with a waggle of my eyebrows.

"Oh, I know, Jasper," he smirks. "I know."

"Well come on," I urge with a laugh, picking up the pace to a slight jog.

After a touchy-feely car ride home, my dick is feeling all kinds of suffocated in my jeans. I pull my car into the nearest spot in the parking lot, my mind consumed with ideas on how I'm going to walk into the dorm like a normal person with this giant boner. I could do kind of a wide-leg walk or some kind of waddle, or I guess I could just rock it out, proud and hard.

"What the hell are you thinking about?"

Edward's question breaks into my thoughts. I turn to him, confused. "Huh?"

"You keep adjusting yourself, Jasper, and you have this intense thinking look on your face. I don't want you to strain your brain. I know how hard thinking is for you."

"Har har har," I say, rolling my eyes. "Anyway, it's not thinking that's hard, Edward." I waggle my eyebrows for full effect.

He winks and places his hand on top of my junk, squeezing just oh so fucking right. "Shit!" I hiss, trying to push further into his hand and escape from his teasing grasp at the same time. It's a clusterfuck of a moment, consisting of me humping back and forth a bit which really doesn't help the situation in my pants at all. I mean, it helps it in the fact that it feels freaking fantastic, but it doesn't help me walk into the dorm without a boner.

After a few more pulses of his special massage, I feel like I'm on the verge of soiling my underwear, so I place my hand on top of his, silently begging him to stop… or stroke harder. I'm not exactly sure.

"You feel good, Jasper," he says, his words soft, his fingers pulsing. "Do you like my hand on your cock?"

"Guh," is what my response most resembles which is no good since I was shooting for, "yeah."

"You want more, baby?" he asks. "You want me to suck it, baby?"

I ask with a groan as my eyes roll up in my head. "Are you fucking serious?"

"Yeah, I could just lean over, unzip you and swallow you whole. Would you like that?"

"No, I mean, did you just call me baby… twice?" I ask.

He sighs and it sounds a touch unhappy as he takes his hand off my junk. "You would have to ruin the moment," he tells me, shaking his head.

I showcase my still super hard dick with my hands. "The moment isn't really ruined for me."

"I was all up in it, Jasper, and you destroyed it," he replies, rolling his eyes.

"Um, I'm sorry," I start, giving him a confused look, "but what were you, 'all up in?'" I ask using finger quotes to make my point and because I'm kind of an asshole but a loveable asshole, of course.

"I don't know." He shrugs. "Like, the right mind space."

"Ah, I see… the dick sucking mind space. I think Freud did some studies on that," I muse, rubbing my chin.

"You're an assface."

"And, asses were made to be kissed," I say, winking at him.

He snorts, crossing his arms over his chest. "Not. Gonna. Happen."

That is definitely not the response I want. I decide that if this assface wants a kiss, I'm going to have to sneak over the console and steal it. That sounds good in theory, but I have seriously underestimated my sneaking skills—and my unbuckling myself from my seatbelt skills.

Edward lets out a loud laugh when I'm flung back into my seat. I struggle to get the seatbelt to release the death grip it has over my body, but all I can do is move my arms and head around. Finally, I recover my lapse in brain functioning and release the buckle.

"You think that's funny, Edward?" I ask.

"Yes," he replies all matter of fact like. I'll show him funny.

Holding myself up, I lean over the console to where I can reach him with my mouth. I kiss at the bottom of his neck, making my way up toward his jaw. I let my tongue tease along the jawline I love so much. I sometimes think my boy was chiseled from stone. While my lips are busy with his neck, I unsnap his seatbelt with my free hand. Finally, I reach his ear and lick along the shell of it. I smile when he shudders under my ministrations.

As his breath picks up, I whisper my command, "Run!"

He stares at me for a moment before blinking and seemingly coming back into reality. He grins and then bolts. I hurry to follow him, but as I'm closing the door, I notice he left his bag, so I grab it. Then, because my car is fucking old, I have to go back and lock the doors manually after I forget to do it. By the time I make it to the dorm, he's nowhere to be seen. When I finish my last flight of stairs, I'm having a little trouble catching my breath. I know one guy who is definitely going to the gym tomorrow. He's not in the hallway, so that means he's already in the dorm room.

Damn it! I wanted to catch him! I open the door to find him casually lying on my bed like he didn't just run four flights of stairs. He looks so smug, I want to throttle him, but then he also looks so hot that I want to jump him.

He winks at me, and the jumping scenario quickly becomes the strong winner of the two.

"I just knew you were going to catch me, Jasper," he muses. "I thought you were the runner out of the two of us."

I throw his duffel bag at him. "I had to grab your bag and lock the car doors!" I tell him, rolling my eyes.

"Tsk tsk, Jasper," he reprimands me. "Don't be a sore loser. You're just mad you didn't catch me."

"Whatever," I grumble. "I'm not mad."

I'm a liar. I'm kind of mad. I'm more disappointed than anything. I had planned to have my wicked, wicked way with Edward when I caught him. Don't I get a consolation hand job or something? Shit!

"Oh my god, you actually are mad!" he exclaims, letting out a laugh. "Seriously? It's not a big deal."

"I wanted to catch you!" I yell, and for the life of me, I can't stop it from coming out all whiney.

He stands and walks over to me, wrapping his arms around me. I fight for a second, but then rest my head on his shoulder. It's too easy to give in, and, plus, I fucking love hugs.

"Aw. Wittle Jasper got his feelings hurt," Edward baby-talks. He makes himself laugh. I'm definitely not amused. I hate that baby-talk bullshit.

"Shut up, Edward," I groan into his neck, letting out a snort of air in indignation. "Do you see a fucking toddler in this room?"

He laughs again, holding me a bit tighter. "You're too easy, Jasper," he replies with amusement. "I'm just kidding." He laughs again, sighing happily. "God, I love you," he says, and it's like it just fucking rolls off his tongue.

My body stiffens with the words. "What was that?" I ask, not removing my face from his neck.

I can't believe he said it. Edward just told me he loved me. It just slipped out of his mouth, all casual like. He loves me? He loves me!

He motherfucking loves me!

_Chill, Jasper. Relax. Be cool.  
_

"Um, you crack my shit up?" he finally asks, his words tinged with uncertainty. He knows that's not what I want to hear. I want to hear the other thing. The "L" word, and I sure as shit don't mean lesbian. I clear my mind of that thought. I don't want to tarnish this moment with vaginas.

I smile. "No, the other thing."

"That you're too easy," he tries again. "You really are too easy to work up," he starts to mumble, trying to change the subject like I would ever let him get away from this one. Yeah, right.

Rolling my eyes, I interrupt him, "No, the other thing!"

He doesn't say anything for a moment. I pull back, so I can look him in the eyes. His cheeks are red with his blush, and he's biting his lip with nervousness. He's fucking beautiful.

Edward loves me. He said it. He told me so himself! This is turning out to be one hell of a day. His eyes search mine, and I smile softly before cupping his face in my hands. I lean in and kiss him firmly yet chastely on the lips.

"I love you, too," I tell him, mumbling the words into his mouth, giving back to him what he gave to me—his words, his love, himself.

He smiles, letting out a nervous chortle. "What was that?" he says, trying to flip the game back on me, but

I'm not embarrassed. I feel like I could shout it from the mountaintops, all Sound of Music style. Not even Nazis could keep me away from my boy.

"I said that I'm in love with you, dumb ass," I tell him with a laugh.

"Do you love me, Edward?" I ask.

He nods his head vigorously. "I love you," he says for the second time. God, it sounds awesome.

"Well, there you go," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. "Only a dumb ass would be in love with an asshole like me," I tease.

"You're right," he agrees, giving me a fake grimace. "What the fuck was I thinking?"

I wrap my arms back around him. "No, take backs!" I yell.

He sighs and kisses me. "I would never take it back, Jasper."

My heart feels like it's in my fucking throat. I never thought I would feel this way. This boy turns me into a sap, but I find myself embracing my sappy side… for the most part.

"Good," I reply happily. "I love you, Edward," I repeat just for the hell of it. Then, I kiss him with everything I've got because it's already his anyway.

The next thing I know, we're falling onto the bed, a tangled mess of limbs and lips and hands. I roll him over, finding my spot between his legs. With a moan, he wraps his legs around my ass, and I thrust my cock against his.

"Too many clothes," he mumbles, and I grunt in agreement, pushing myself up so I can pull my shirt off my body.

"How do you do that?" Edward asks, his eyes alight with admiration as he runs his fingers over my exposed skin.

"Do what?" I ask, shuddering under his touch.

"Take your shirt off with one hand?" He takes my nipple in his mouth, flicking at the sensitive skin with his teeth.

"Huh?" is all I can get out of my muddled mind as he bites at the pebbled flesh.

"Your shirt," he mumbles around my nipple. "Whoosh."

"Stop talking!" I demand because he's not making any sense, and I know other shit I'd rather him be doing with that mouth. I pull his face to mine, kissing him to shut him up. I thrust my tongue into his mouth, mimicking the movements of my hips, and the sounds of the room quickly turn to grunts and moans.

I pull on the bottom of Edward's shirt, trying to tug it off of him, but it's too hard while he's on his back.

He sits up some to let me pull it off of him, but the bed is only so big and we are two not so small guys. Edward ends up causing me to lose my balance, accidentally pushing me off the tiny bed, and because I know I'm going, I make sure I have a firm grasp on his shirt, taking him with me to the floor.

"Motherfucking twin bed," I curse after I finally get my breath back. It's really not so far to fall from the bed to floor, but when all of Edward's practically dead weight lands right on my midsection, it was a touch hard to breathe.

His face is right above mine, his green eyes crinkle in a small, apologetic smile as he searches my face. "Are you okay?" he asks.

"Yeah," I reply, letting my hands sneak under the edge of his shirt. I didn't fall off that bed for nothing. I was on a mission, and I quickly fulfill it, leaving Edward shirtless above. He laughs and moves his legs to where he's straddling my waist, taking most of his weight off me. I thrust up into him, watching his eyes roll up into his head. His fingers digging into my chest hurt but in the best way possible, and if I don't get my boy naked immediately, I'm going to go crazy.

My hands trace the muscles in his back up to the nape of his neck where they pull his face down to mine. I kiss him chastely before letting my tongue tease the bow of his beautiful lips. He gives me that crooked grin and before I know it, my tongue is in his mouth, and he's sucking on it like a champ.

My hands slip into the back of his jeans of their own accord and seek out their favorite resting place. I know people talk about girl's tits being the perfect handful or whatever, but they've got it wrong. Edward's ass cheeks are perfect. They were made for my hands. He groans loudly when I pull him into me.

"I want you, Jasper," he whispers, resting his forehead against mine.

I try to swallow my nervousness, but I can't stop the shakiness of my voice when I ask him if he's sure.

His face slips down mine, his lips kiss along the side of my face before he buries himself in my neck. I feel him nod. "I'm sure," he says, louder this time.

"Edward," I call his name, wrapping my arms around his back, hugging him to me, chest to chest. "Would you rather… it be… me?" I implore. I can do it for him. I will. I know he won't hurt me. Also, if anyone is going to have control over my body it should be Edward. He's inside me already. I think I could let him be inside me… literally. I mean, I'd rather it be the other way around, but relationships are about compromises and shit.

He sits up, looking down at me with a questioning glare. "Do you mean that?"

I nod, breaking eye contact when my nerves get the better of me. "I will for you, Edward."

He places his hands on my shoulders, trying to pull me up into a sitting position, so I help him, pushing myself up. Once again, we're chest to chest, and he wraps his arms and legs around me, surrounding me. He tucks his head into my neck, and I let out a content sigh.

"I'm happy that you're willing, Jasper, but, actually, I've been thinking—"

"Uh oh," I joke.

He bites me on the neck, and it's hard enough to shut me up. I'm most likely going to have a mark tomorrow. "Let me have my serious moment, asshole."

I pantomime zipping my lips, and he arches a brow in disbelief. "As if you could ever keep your mouth shut," he comments.

I lean in, kissing the spot at the juncture of his neck and shoulder that drives him crazy before running my tongue up to his ear, biting the lobe between my teeth. "As if you want me to keep my mouth shut," I retort. "Now, you you've been thinking…" I say, trailing off, teasing the shell of his ear with my tongue.

He shivers, moaning lightly. "You play dirty," he says, bending his neck to give me better access.

"Always," I laugh and bite down on his earlobe again, tugging playfully. "Now, tell me what you've been thinking."

He leans away from me, locking eyes with me for a moment before letting his gaze drift down to his hands tracing circles on my naked chest. He takes a deep breath, mumbling something that I can't quite hear.

It's my turn to make him look at me, to admit his feelings, and I have to admit all this honesty shit is pretty fucking difficult. I've never felt barer. Edward is making me feel like I'm a virgin again or something, and the last thing we need are two virgins fumbling through this. I want to make him feel as good as I know he can feel.

He brings his arms around my shoulders, and I let mine rest around his waist, holding him to me.

"I've been thinking," he starts again, "that I'm not quite ready for the pitcher's mound, that it would be easier to squat down and catch the ball."

"You know, the baseball analogy can easily be taken too far, Edward," I say, kissing him on the lips. "Squat down and catch the ball?" I question, teasing him gently. "You know I've got more than one ball… and a bat," I add.

He smiles and then cracks up, throwing his head back as he laughs. "Why do we always talk in circles?" he asks, shaking his head.

"It's just how we do it, dude. It's our swagger."

"You're such a fucking nerd, Jasper," he says to me, quite seriously I might add, like he actually believes that or something.

"I'm not a nerd."

"You're a big time nerd, man."

"You better take that back, Edward," I warn him.

"Or what, Jasper?" he asks, giving me a placating look. He has no idea what is about to happen. Before he even has a chance to defend himself, I've flipped him onto his back on the floor and I'm on top of him, covering his body with mine so he can't escape. I bite down on his neck, and he lets out a loud moan.

"Don't you know, Edward, that when you play with fire, you get…" I pause for dramatic effect, rolling my crotch against his, "fucked!"

He struggles against me, trying to get out from under me, all the while rocking his hips with mine. I smile and lick across my teeth marks. "Is that what you want, Edward? Do you want to get fucked?" I practically growl in his ear.

He ceases his struggling, letting his head loll back. He looks up at me, his eyes locking with mine. "Yes," he states simply and seriously.

I can't help but smile, and he bites his lip, holding back a giant grin. Kissing him has never felt more electric to me. His lips touching mine send tingling jolts to my fingers and toes, causing the hair on my body to stick straight out—much like something else on my body, and I let Edward know all about it when I rut against him through our jeans.

"Naked now!" Edward grunts as he tugs down on my still zipped and buttoned jeans. I basically have to wrestle him to stop trying to rip the denim from my body. I definitely don't wear loose jeans. It's not like they're just going to slide right off, and if he keeps pushing them down, I'm going to get fabric burn on my ass.

I let go of his trapped hands. "Let me take care of it," I tell him with a smile. Of course, the first thing to go is Edward's jeans and boxers. There is nothing better than having my boy naked, especially when he's underneath me. I kiss my way down his chest, taking my time at both his nipples and thoroughly exploring his belly button before spending some time with his hip bones and gently kissing above the patch of curly hair.

"Jasper!" he whines, squirming and panting. I laugh when he thrusts up hard, trying to get my attention like I didn't know what he wanted or something. When his dick whacks me in the face, though, I quickly take him in my mouth before I end up with pecker shaped bruises on my cheeks.

"Yes," he hisses.

Jesus on a pogo stick, I really fucking love to suck on this boy's dick. I love the taste and the smell and the feel of him in my mouth. Edward's cock is simply awesome—I'm definitely in some awe over the shaft of flesh between his legs, at least.

"Please, Jasper," he whines, and then he does something I'm going to remember for the rest of my life. Edward lifts his legs, exposing his sweet ass to me, silently asking for more, for all of me, and who am I to deny him? I walk my fingers up his chest, letting them tease his lips. I watch as he takes them in his mouth, and the way he's sucking and licking on my fingers is making my dick super jealous.

Once they're wet enough, I quickly push one finger into him. When I finally slip a third finger in, he's moaning like crazy and rolling his hips. It's a beautiful sight, but one that is quickly drying up. I need some lube.

I take my fingers out and reluctantly stand up, separating myself from my boy. He opens his eyes, giving me a not so happy glare.

"Where are you going?" he questions.

I smile down at him, all naked on the floor. "Dude, we need lube and condoms for this fun," I say, pointing at my dick, "to continue."

He rolls his eyes, but I see his tongue peek out, licking at his lips. He wants it. I quickly grab what we need out of my drawer. "Edward do you want to move this back to the bed or stay on the floor?" I ask him as I find the perfect playlist on my iTunes. He doesn't need to know that I have a "Sexin' Edward" playlist already created.

"I don't care," he says, sounding all exacerbated. He doesn't get up off the floor, though.

"Do you really want your first time to be on the floor?"

He looks up at me, his brow furrowing. "Seriously, Jasper, I'm not some delicate girl. I don't care where it happens. Just come the fuck on!" he yells, and I fight back a laugh. His frustration is cute, especially since he's naked.

Even though he says he doesn't care, I do care, and I want him to be comfortable. Though, for us, that doesn't necessarily mean the bed. It's just too small. With a quick flick of my hands, the comforter is on the floor. I toss the pillows down as well before I sit, patting the spot next to me. Edward crawls over to me, immediately laying back down in the same position. I run my finger up and down the length of his ass, circling his hole.

"I take it you're ready then?" I ask, kissing him softly on the lips.

"Stop teasing me, Jasper!" he whines. He locks his eyes with mine, and his stare alone makes my heart pick up. "Please, I'm ready. I need you."

I smile and nod my head. "I need you, too," I tell him, rolling the condom on and slicking us both up with lube. I slide my pillow under his hips and line myself up with him. Nervously, I suck in a gulp of air as I start to push.

I stroke his cock to keep his mind off the pain he must be feeling, and I lean down to kiss him once the head of my dick is inside him. "Are you okay?" I ask when his features scrunch up.

"Yeah," he says, breathing heavy, "Just give me a minute." He let out a loud exhale. "You've got a big dick, Jasper," he laments, and I grin because it's true. "I never knew," he adds with a chuckle.

"You're hilarious," I deadpan. "I take it since you're making jokes that you're ready for me to continue?" I ask. God, he needs to say yes. I have to push. He's so tight, so warm. I need more!

He smiles and laces his fingers behind my head, pulling me down into a kiss. "I'm ready," he says against my lips, and I let out an exhale of relief as I start to slowly push in. I never stop kissing him or stroking his cock, hoping that both are a distraction against the new intrusion. The last thing I want to do is hurt him.

"Oh fuck," I moan, breaking the kiss, when I'm as far as I can go. "You feel so good, Edward," I whisper in his ear before sucking his lobe into my mouth. I kiss down his neck, biting and sucking at his skin. He arches his neck back, giving me more room to work with, and I smile into his skin when I feel his body relax. He wraps his legs around my ass, pushing me toward him a bit.

"More!" he grunts. "I'm ready!"

I nod in agreement even though his eyes are closed and he can't see me. I pull out a little bit, pushing slowly back in, keeping a slow pace until I pick up the nonverbal clues that he's ready for more, for longer strokes, for more force.

I readjust my angle and after a few strokes, he gasps and his eyes open wide as his back arches. "Do that again!" he demands.

With every push of my hips, Edward gets louder and louder, until he's on the verge of yelling. As much as I like to hear him call out my name, I don't need any RA trying to bust down our door because of all the ruckus, so I swallow his noises with my lips, muffling his noises with my tongue.

I'm on the verge of losing it. I realize that I was completely focused on my task of finding his prostrate, and I've merely been holding his cock in my hands. I start to jerk him off in time with my thrusts and before I know, he's biting down on my shoulder as I feel him pulse in my hand, covering us both with his semen.

As he kisses and licks at his bite mark, I give three more thrusts and I'm done. I think I might have blacked out for a moment because I'm feeling all sorts of hazy, but it's the most blissed out haze I've ever felt. Sex had never been better than this.

"Jesus fucking Christ," I hiss as I pull out.

Edward takes a deep breath, pushing back the hair that is stuck to his forehead. "I'll say," he remarks with a small chuckle. "That was... dang," he says, shaking his head. "I've never felt that way before, Jasper."

"Me neither," I tell him, giving him a long, leisurely kiss. "Would it be cliché to tell you that I love you right now?" I ask.

"Unbelievably cliché," he says with a smile, "but I don't care. I love you, Jasper."

* * *

**So, that was super long, but yay, right? I hope you liked it. **

**Right now, there is something fantastic happening in the twislash world. It's called The Slashtastics! A group of slashy writers have gotten together to bring you a round robin J/E fic. Find the fanfic profile in my favorite authors or follow us on twitter theslashtastics to get more details. We'll be posting soon, so keep an eye out!**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	29. Edward & the Awkward Phone Calls

**I don't own them.**

* * *

My ass hurts.

It's the first thought I have when my eyes blink open, much to the protest of my tired body. I'm not ready to get up. I feel like I could sleep for days. It also doesn't help that I'm all kinds of sore and achy from sleeping on the freaking floor last night. I was just too exhausted to move back to the bed, but this carpet is like a gay dude's beard… a front. It's really just concrete disguised as carpet. So not only does my ass hurt, but my back it all tight as well.

Oh god. Jasper fucked me last night—I got fucked in the buttocks.

The Forrest Gump voice of my thoughts makes me snort, and I quickly glance over at Jasper hoping I didn't wake him. I can just be so hilarious sometimes—It's hard to reel it in. Luckily, Jasper hasn't even moved, and when he snores, I relax back against him, allowing my mind to drift to last night.

I had sex.

Well, sex was had to me.

Wait. Am I still a virgin? What counts as a guy's virginity? Is it all about putting your dick in someone else? What if someone else puts their dick in you? I mean, I know that's without a doubt losing your lady v-card, but does the same hold true for me?

Well, great, this is still confusing.

I thought that when I woke up this morning, the birds would be singing and I would be a little more clued into this relationship/sex thing. I'm not saying I'd be a black-belt sex machine, but I never thought I would still have so many questions.

Yesterday, in the heat of it all, I didn't have a thousand thoughts spamming my brain. I was in the moment, as they say. I was along for the "ride"… literally. I knew what I wanted, and my confidence in myself and in Jasper was at an all-time high.

I never imagined I could feel so good.

Well, if I'm being honest, first that shit hurt a lot. I'm talking, _pull your freaking penis out of my butt right now, motherfucker_, hurt. I was super proud of myself for not yelling that exact thing at Jasper, but he was above me, smiling down and kissing my face, murmuring all this sweet shit that I'm not even sure he knew he was saying.

It was romantic, despite being on the floor.

Everything was right. We love each other. We made up after our stupid fight. I told my family I was gay. Shit, even the music was perfect. Well, the music was a little too perfect if you ask me. It was playlist perfect, and if my suspicions are right, I'm going to make so much fun of Jasper later.

Anyway, it was all systems go for the sweet, sweet loving.

Except, it turns out that penis a la Jasper trump fingers every time—I now know what Stretch Armstrong feels like. For a few moments there, I was positive that Jasper just had a little too much to give and I had not enough to receive. There were fleeting thoughts of rippage, and rippage is never good.

Of course, I was completely suave about it all, covering up my worries with a joke about Jasper's penis size. Well, it was kind of a joke. I never really realized _how_ big he actually was until he was trying to cram it into my smallest opening.

Then, that may not be true. It stretches, so it probably wouldn't be considered the smallest opening if you think about it. My earhole is pretty small. I mean, I can't even get my pinkie finger in there, so that's probably my smallest opening.

Still, my asshole is pretty small. That's all I'm saying.

My ritual morning piss sneaks up on me, and I go cross-eyed trying to stop myself from peeing my pants. Well, peeing… myself—I'm all kinds of naked right now.

I roll over and off Jasper, trying to be gentle, but it's hard to be quiet when you're about to lose control of your bladder. I suppose one good thing about sleeping on the floor is that there is no creaking mattress—silver lining and all that shit.

Reluctantly grabbing a dirty towel off the floor because I don't have time to even slip on a pair of boxers, I make a run for the bathroom, not even closing the door to the room all the way. In the safety of the stall, I drape the towel over my shoulders, careful not to touch anything besides myself.

Mid-stream, though, I realize how wrong I was before. My ear is definitely not my smallest hole.

Eureka! It's my urethra!

"I shoulda just pissed out the window," a voice mumbles in the stall next to me, and my eyes go wide as the toilet flushes.

Did I just fucking say that out loud?

"Yes, you fucking did," he answers as he leaves, responding to what I thought was once again an unspoken question.

I wait until I hear the door to the bathroom shuts before I let out a loud groan. What the fuck is wrong with me? Who says things like—"Eureka, my urethra"—out loud?

Shit, Jasper must have sexed me stupid.

After wrapping the towel back around my waist, I creep back down the hall toward our room, hoping I don't run into anyone else because who knows what other dumb shit is going to come out of my mouth. I push open the door and slowly close it behind me, cringing a bit when the door clicks shut. I drop the towel and throw it in the pile of dirty clothes on the floor.

"Yeeeaaaah, take it off!"

"Fuck!" I shout, startled.

Jasper laughs and then yawns sleepily. "If you're feeling up to it," he replies with a wink.

"I'm not sure I'm up to it this morning actually," I tell him, hopefully keeping the grimace off my face.

Jasper immediately looks worried. "Are you sore?" he asks, concern heavy on his voice. He pats the spot on the floor next to him, but I shake my head.

"I'm not getting back on the floor."

He rubs his eyes and nods, laughing a bit. "Bed," is all he says, so I walk over and slide into Jasper's bed, pushing myself against the wall so that we have enough room. Jasper crawls from the floor, still half asleep. I pull the blanket back and he falls onto the mattress next to me. "Bed!" he says again, all zombie like.

I laugh and he situates himself against me. "So sex brings out your inner snuggler?" I ask with a smile.

"Shut up. I don't snuggle," he mumbles, his face buried in my side.

"Right."

Jasper squeezes me tight. "I'm a man, Edward. Men don't snuggle." He lifts his head so it's resting on my shoulder, near the crook of my neck. "We just lay close together," he adds with a yawn.

With Jasper laying on me and my fingers running through his hair, I can't help but smile. "Well, keep on keeping on," I tell him.

He laughs. "What?"

Shaking my head, my eyes close sleepily. "I don't even know."

"You're so weird, Edward."

"Pfft… you are." All I get in response is a snore.

***~*E*~***

"Hello?"

I wake up, disoriented. "Huh?"

"I was sleeping," Jasper says, sounding exasperated.

"Like I wasn't?" I snap back.

He looks at me, his brows furrowing as he points to his ear, showing me that's he's on the phone. I chuckle in embarrassment and try to bury myself under the covers, feeling foolish.

"He did," he grunts, and I pull my head out from under the blanket. He smiles at me and puckers his lips, tapping them with his finger while giving me a pointed look. I roll my eyes at his tactics, but push up anyway, giving him a kiss.

"I know… He knows… I'm not saying it doesn't matter," he sighs into the phone. He nods and shakes his head almost simultaneously which doesn't make sense or help me figure out who and what he's talking about. I have the unfortunate feeling that the "what" he's talking about, though, is me. "Right now?" he asks. "But, I don't…" he pauses. "I'm so incredibly sorry," he says, handing me his cell phone.

"Um, hello?"

"_Is this Edward_?" some lady asks.

"Um, yeah…" I trail off as I watch Jasper hit himself in the forehead with his palm.

"It's my sister, Rosalie," he mutters, dropping his head back to the pillow, covering his eyes with his forearm. "I'm sorry, Edward," he mumbles a few time, and his reaction is making me more than nervous.

"_Rosalie Hale McCarty_," she snaps into the phone.

"Edward Anthony Cullen," I mimic her tone.

"_Alright, smartass_," she replies, but I can hear what I hope is a smile in her voice. "_This is your official warning call_."

"Warning call?" I ask, unsure. Jasper's eyes go wide, and he groans, shaking his head.

"_Yes. The way you jerked Jasper around this past weekend was entirely unacceptable. You're past all that now, I hope_?" she asks in a very formal way.

"Yes. I won't do that again," I say, feeling guilty all over again for running off like I did. I just needed to talk to my family. Granted, not calling or even texting Jasper was completely thoughtless on my part. I guess it's hard to wrap my mind around the fact that someone besides my sister and father even cares enough to worry about me. Before Jasper, they were really all had, the only people that mattered to me.

Now, there is another person in that equation—my lover.

_Lover_? Yeah, I don't think I'll be using that word again. I mean, it's true, but it sounds ridiculous.

"_Are you there_?" Rosalie asks loudly, sounding highly impatient.

"Yeah… um… Yes, I'm here," I stutter.

"_Listen here, lover boy. JJ is very important to me_, _very important."_

"He's important to me, too!" I say, interjecting. Jasper peeks over his arm that is still draped across his face. I look right at him. "Very important," I continue, this time talking to him. He smiles, mouthing the word "dork."

"_It's rude to interrupt_," Rosalie says with a small sigh. "_But, I'll let it slide this time since it was sweet_."

I laugh lightly. "Thank you. I'm sorry I interrupted."

"_Such manners_!" she says. "_Are you sure that it's Jasper that's important to you. Boy doesn't have any manners at all_. _He's a fucking gorilla_."

"He has other endearing qualities, though," I reply.

"_What, his smart ass mouth_?" she asks with a laugh.

"I'm quite a fan of his mouth even when—"

"EDWARD!" Jasper yells, grabbing the phone out of my hands. "That's enough of that shit," he admonishes me with a wag of his finger. "Goodbye, Rose," he sighs into the phone before ending the call.

"Why did you snatch the phone away from me?"

"I'm quite a fan of his mouth even when?" he asks, trailing off.

My brows furrow. "Even when… Jasper is a smart ass," I say, finishing his sentence, giving him a look before laughing. "Shit, man, did you think I was going to tell your sister I liked your mouth around my dick or something?"

Jasper shakes his head, groaning. "It didn't sound like it was going in a PG-13 direction, dude. My sister would never let something like that go. I couldn't let you give her the ammunition."

"In that case… I should call her back right now and tell her all kinds of juicy details."

"You wouldn't dare," Jasper replies, raising his left eyebrow in response to my threat.

I turn my stare on him, all steady and ready. "Are you daring me, Jasper?"

He narrows his eyes at me and we're suddenly in the midst of a pretty intense staring contest. I refuse to blink, no matter how much my eyes are stinging. Apparently, Jasper feels the same way, and after what feels like four hours of dry eyeballs, I decide to up my game.

"Jasper," I whisper his name in what I hope is an alluring tone. I'm not sure my seductive skills are that, well, seductive.

"What?" he barks back.

"I loved the way you fucked me last night," I say, putting a whole hell of a lot of emphasis on the word _fucked_.

His breath hitches and he licks his lips, confirming I'm on the right track. "I keep thinking about it, about how it felt, how intense it was… how I want to do it again."

Annnnnd, with that, I'm the winner.

"You blinked, loser," I taunt.

Jasper's face is a mixture of anger and lust. "You cheated!" he objects.

"I was just talking to you, Jasper. Talking is not cheating in a staring contest."

He rolls his eyes. "It should be, especially if you're just saying all that shit to win a stupid contest."

"Who says it was just to win?" I ask with a wink which makes him smile. My lord, he's good looking.

"From virgin to harlot in just a few hours," Jasper says with a small shake of his head.

"Who the fuck says harlot, Jasper?" I laugh. "Did we somehow find a break in the time loop and get transported back to the nineteenth century?"

"You ruined that burn with your nerdiness, Stephen Hawking," Jasper replies.

"Did not!" I insist, pushing him away, but he just holds on tighter and snuggles back into me.

"A break in the time loop, Edward?" He asks with a scoff. "Normal people just say _go back in time_."

"Who can say what normal people do? In the real world, no one is normal." I tell him with a shrug.

"Now, you have to quit the melodrama, James Van Der Beek," he retorts seamlessly.

"Who's James Van Der Beek?"

"That dude from Dawson's Creek with the monster forehead," Jasper replies with a yawn.

I start to laugh. "You watched that shit?" I ask him.

"Rose made me watch… No!" He shakes his head. "I refuse to make any more excuses," he says with conviction. I watch him with wide eyes as he throws back the blanket and stands on the bed, his feet on either side of me as he takes a super hero stance. "I don't have to be ashamed!" he states. "Today the oppression ends. I love Dawson's Creek!" He finishes with a fist in the air and a bowed head.

Going along with this foolishness, I start a nice round of slow claps. Jasper laughs and falls to his knees, so he's sitting right on top of me. "I can't believe you like that show," I tell him with a shake of my head.

"Rose made me watch it," he repeats and then grins. "But, I have to admit, when Jack came out of the closet, I started watching on my own. That was like my first homo-experience."

I rub my hands up and down his thighs. "How old were you?"

He looks up at the ceiling in thought. "I don't know, like ten or so."

"You knew then?"

He smiles and kinds of shrugs his shoulders. "I knew pretty early on, like at puberty."

"You never questioned it?"

"Yeah, I mean, of course I did. I tried some things with a girl. I didn't hate it, but I definitely did feel like it was something I was missing out on." He looks down at me and gives me a wide grin. "But, say, I never got to do what we did last night, well, that would be something I would be definitely missing out on."

"You're such a freak," is my response, trying to ignore the slight blush on my cheeks.

"Takes one to know one," he retorts.

I stare right at him. "Takes one to fuck one."

"Awesome," his simple reply is followed by a dorky guffaw. I successfully manage not to laugh because he is just so fucking cute.

I pat the bed next to me. "Come on. Lay close to me again," I direct with a wink, and he quickly obliges, wiggling his way under the covers and getting all spooned up behind me.

"Jasper," I start, taking a deep breath. "Now, that we've boned, and I'm no longer a virgin," I pause.

"Um, is there more to that statement?" he asks before adding, "Now that you don't hold your v-card… you want to have sex every hour on the hour? Now that you've had the Jasper experience, you'll never be the same. Now—"

"Yeah, no," I say, interrupting. "We need to talk about why you won't."

He sighs behind me, burying his face in the back of my neck. "Why I won't what?" he mumbles.

"Why you never play catcher."

"God, we have run that baseball reference into the fucking ground," he groans. "We need a new analogy."

I pause in thought. "Ok, um, all I'm coming up with is weird thoughts about chess pieces."

"You're strange," Jasper says and kisses my shoulder. "Fine," he sighs. "Let's just be for real about it, no analogies or anything. You want to know why I've never been fucked."

"You know I do, Jasper," I state sincerely. "And, please, don't get angry or defensive. I just want to know."

I can feel him nod his head slowly against my back before squeezing me tighter against him. "I'm sorry that I was such a dick before about this, but it's… difficult for me to talk about it," he pauses. "Shit, it's difficult for me to talk about my feelings in general. But, I've thought about it. When you left this past weekend, I thought about it even more," he adds, and I wince, ashamed for how I handled that situation. I should not have run off.

"It's fine," Jasper murmurs against the skin of my back, picking up on my unspoken thoughts, and I feel the tension leave my shoulders from his reassurance.

He takes a deep breath before continuing. "I think what it boils down to is trust. I could never trust someone to have control over my body like that. I would never allow someone access to be that… intimate with me."

Thoughts rush through my head at a rapid pace. _Am I not trustworthy? He said he loved me. How can he love me but not trust me? If we never switched roles after this, would it mean that we were unbalanced? Am I just another person that could be easily pushed aside, as Jasper has done to so many? _

"Stop," Jasper states in a firm voice.

"Stop what?" I ask, my voice sounding a bit dejected even to my own ears.

Jasper pulls on my shoulder until I reluctantly turn around to face him. "Stop with all the worrying."

"I wasn't—"

He silences me with a kiss and then rests his forehead against mine. "You don't have to worry, Edward because the most important realization I've come to, is that even with all my issues and my fucked up past and even more fucked up emotions, it's that I do trust you. You're so important to me, dude. I don't think you even know…" he trails off, and I pull away slightly so I can see him clearly. He smiles at me, and I rest my hand against his cheek. "You're like my number one, you know? I trust you more than I think I even trust myself."

I kiss him again, letting it linger, soft and sweet, before whispering, "Ditto."

Jasper lets out a light laugh and shakes his head. "Ditto?" he questions. "After I gave you tear jerker chick flick emotions?"

"Shh," I admonish softly. "Don't ruin the moment by trying to be funny."

He glares at me, but I can see that he's not actually angry. "I'm funny," he insists.

"Mmhmm," I respond in a noncommittal way because I know it will aggravate him.

"Ooh, boy, you're gonna get it," he warns.

I lick my lips, hoping for sexy. "I hope so."

He laughs and then pounces on me where I do indeed, get it… over and over again.

***~*E*~***

"Where the hell have you been?"

I turn around in the hallway after my Lit class on Tuesday to find an annoyed Bella staring at me, her hand resting on her cocked hip. Classic girl attitude pose. "I have called you like a million times!"

I step forward and envelop her in a hug, and after a moment she wraps her arms around me, hugging me back. "I saw you last week," I speak into her hair.

She pulls away and narrows her eyes at me. "That was before you went AWOL."

"Jasper called you?" I ask with a grimace on my face.

"He called me all frantic and freaked out with worry," she tells me with a shake of her head before slapping me hard on the arm. "What were you thinking?" shes asks, slapping me a few more times for good measure.

I put my hands up in defeat. "I went home. I came out to my family!" I practically yell hoping it will make her quit abusing me. Luckily, it does, and her face immediately lifts into a dreamy smile.

"Oh! That's great…" she pauses, searching my face with her eyes. "It's great, right?" she asks, sounding unsure.

I smile and nod my head. "It's great," I assure her with a small laugh. "They took it better than I ever thought they would. I think Alice already knew though."

"I think she knew before you did," Bella agrees, chuckling.

"She wasn't the only one," I remind her with an elbow to her side. She looks up at me with guilty doe eyes, so I throw my arm over her shoulder and pull her into a side hug, letting her know all is forgiven. And, it really is. It seems like forever ago that we were dating and Bella and I were steadfast ignoring the signs of my impending realization of homosexuality.

"Why weren't you in Spanish yesterday?" she asks. "You can't miss class, Edward. I need you there! Senora Thomas was all _Taco Bell burrito como something pan,_ and I was completely lost."

"I'm pretty sure she didn't say Taco Bell."

"You weren't' there!" she snaps at me. "We were talking about food and stuff and that's literally all I heard. I'm going to have drop that class. I'm never going to pass."

"Jasper speaks practically fluent Spanish. He went to a bilingual elementary school in Texas. I'm sure he'll help you," I tell her with a smile.

"Jasper!" she sighs, cupping her hands to her heart and fluttering her eyelashes, and she's either making fun of me or having a seizure. I can't really tell.

"You done?" I ask once she quits with the rapid eyelash movements.

Bella laughs and nods her head. "Speaking of Jasper, is he mad at you for your disappearing act?"

"He was aggravated with me, but I pretty much won him over at the airport."

She looks up at me with a contemplative gaze. "How?"

"Well," I start, feeling a bit uncomfortable about sharing what happened. It was such a… _moment_. I'm not sure I could put it into words, so I just give her the most basic of basic summaries. "I pretty much just jumped in, like kissed and spouted out some mushiness."

"You kissed at the airport!" she squeals. "Did you bend him backwards and lay a big one on him, foot pop and all?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about," I admit with a shake of my head. "Foot pop? Like break dancing?"

Bella starts to laugh. "Oh, God. Don't worry about it. I watch too many movies," she replies. "Man, I've got the best mental picture of you two popping and locking at the airport now, so thanks for that," she giggles.

"That is a viral video waiting to happen," I add with a chuckle as Bella's phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket, her face lighting up at the name on the Caller ID.

"Jake!" she sighs happily into her phone. The goofy grin never leaves her face the entire conversation and I can't help but smile along with her. "I love you, too," she says before ending the phone call.

"Love, huh?" I ask.

She laughs happily. "Yeah, I mean, it's crazy, but I feel it," she says with an embarrassed smile on her face, her cheeks red.

"Aw, y'all are going to get married and then have big ass babies because that guy is Andre the Giant humongous," I tease. "Like, your babies are going to come out saying, 'Anybody want a peanut?'"

Bella stares at me. "What was that?"

"That was my Andre the Giant impression," I tell her. She doesn't look impressed. "The Princess Bride?"

She shakes her head. "Haven't seen it."

"Seriously. I watched that movie with Alice like nine million times." Bella shrugs. "Ok, we're watching it sometime soon. Movie night, doing it."

"Sounds good!" she laughs. Her face drops when she looks down at her watch. "Shoot, I have a group meeting. Bye!" she says as she darts off.

I have some time to kill before I'm supposed to meet Jasper for lunch, so I give my dad a call. I completely forgot to let him know I made it back alright; I've been so wrapped up in Jasper since I got off the plane.

"_Edward_!" he greets me. "_I was just thinking about calling you_."

"Great minds," I laugh. "What's up?"

"_Oh, I just wanted to get the dates of your Spring Break. I was thinking we could go on a family vacation._"

"That would be really cool," I tell my dad sincerely. We haven't gone on vacation since before my mom got sick. "It's in three weeks."

"_Then I better get on top of it_!" he laughs. "_Do you want to do beach or mountains_?"

"Whatever Alice wants… you know that's where we'll end up going anyway," I say with a shake of my head.

"_Yes. Your sister can be a bit… pushy_," he muses.

"I think someone just can't say no to their daughter," I add.

"_Yes, and I think someone should remember who the parent is_," he replies back with the same tone I used.

I laugh. "Gotcha."

"_Yes, well, I'll see what she wants to do and then I'll let you know_," he says with a chuckle.

"Wrapped right around her finger…"

"_Yeah, yeah_," he snaps. "_Tell me something I don't know_."

"I had sex," I blurt out without thinking.

"_What_?" he asks, sounding a bit stunned.

"Um, well, that's something you didn't know, right?" I mumble, dropping my head to my chest in utter embarrassment. I wouldn't hide it from my dad, but I didn't need to just say it like that. Sharing sometimes is definitely not caring.

"_Huh, well, I'm a little out of my element here, son_," he admits. "_I did some research on sex between two_—"

"Stop!" I yell, interrupting him. He researched gay sex? I can't even let my mind travel down that path. It's just too weird.

"_You were safe, righ_t?" he asks after a moment.

"Yes. Very, and what we have is serious, you know? We exchanged the big L and everything," I add, trying to lighten the mood.

"_Well, I hope not during because things can get heated and people say things_—"

"Oh my god," I interrupt him again. "It was before, and seriously, you are really bad at this."

"_I'm trying!_" he says, and I believe him. It makes me smile despite my crippling mortification over this whole conversation.

"I know, and I appreciate it, dad. I really do. Just be happy for me, alright? I'm in love as cheesy as that sounds."

"_It may sound cheesy, but it's one of the most amazing accomplishments you'll ever have in your life, son. Don't take it for granted._"

I can't help but think of my mother and the love she shared with my father. It was genuine and unwavering, but it was cut short. Thinking about them together makes me a bit sad. It also makes me smile, though, and that alone makes me feel okay about it all. Hopefully, it means I'll able to look back and remember that the happy times outnumber the sad by immeasurable amounts.

"I would never take it for granted," I tell him honestly.

"_I'm beyond happy for you son,_" I can hear the smile in his voice. "_I love you and I'll call you soon._"

"Love you, too," I add before hanging up the phone and walking to the cafeteria to meet Jasper. As soon as I see him, I throw my arms around him and greet him with kiss.

"Well, hello to you, too," Jasper murmurs happily against my lips, and I smile at his handsome face. I notice a few people looking at us with less than pleased faces, but they don't matter. I don't know why I was so scared of this before. It's right, natural. He makes me happy. "What was that for?" Jasper asks.

"Just because I love you," I tell him, saddling up next to him so our sides are touching from shoulder to foot.

He smiles and throws his arm over my shoulder. "That's a damn good reason," he replies with a grin.

* * *

**Erm. Yeah. Hi. Long time no... post. My bad. All I can say is sorry. I really don't have an excuse. I hope you're still there. It would make me happy to hear from you. Thanks for reading!**


	30. Jasper & his Valentine Cookies

**Well, hello there. Did you miss me? I'm not sure what excuse I can make for taking so long to finish up ATD, but I just want to let you know I never wanted to be one of these people. It was never my intention to go months between updates. Remember, when I was punctual and once a week? No? You don't remember? All you remember are these crazy long waits between chapters? Sorry, dude. I'll try to be better with the next one. Really, there are only one or two chapters left. This story is almost told, yo. **

**So I hope you forgive me and that you are still reading. I don't own it. That's for sure. **

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Sitting across from a smiling Edward with our feet twined together under the table is a great way to have lunch. As mushy as it is, I can't remember feeling happier. I mean, how can I not be happy though? He just freaking kissed me and told me he loved me in the cafeteria in front of all these losers.

That shit is like Disney movie sweet.

He just makes me feel good, like I'm popping Zoloft or something.

He's my own personal brand of mood altering drugs.

"My dad called me today," Edward starts after a moment of content silence and chewing. "He said we're going on a family vacation over Spring Break!"

"Oh, yeah?" I ask. He looks up and grins, nodding enthusiastically. I try to keep a smile on my face, but I am definitely not looking forward to the time apart. Didn't we just have Christmas break? Shit, it feels like it! Plus, I was hoping we could spend Spring Break together, maybe camping or something equally cheap.

And, on top of it all, not to be crass or anything, but I'm finally getting laid. It's going to be really fucking hard to just give that up for a week.

Edward takes a bite of his macaroni. "We haven't been anywhere since before my mom got sick," he tells me through a mouth full of noodles.

"Swallow your food first, dude." I shake my head. He gulps it down and chuckles a bit, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

"It's a big deal, though, ya' know?" he asks, smiling at me. "It's a really positive step for my family."

Well, great, now I feel like a giant asshole for reacting the way I did, even if it was just in my head. Edward had to go Dr. Drew it up for me and make me see their side, so I should be happy for him and his family. He's super excited. It is a step in the right direction for them.

I'd be lying though if I said I could rationalize all the meh feelings away. I'm still bummed. So, I guess I'm a bigger asshole or maybe a double asshole—a freak of assholery.

Or, maybe it just makes me human. It's a tossup.

"Where are y'all going?" I ask, curiosity momentarily overriding my super whiny thoughts. Spring Break normally equals fun in the sun, but what about when you go with your family? Do you still go to the beach? Edward in a swimsuit sounds nice…

_Jesus doing the backstroke, I hope it's not the beach!_

All I can picture is Edward half naked doing the limbo on the beach—which is strange. Somehow my thoughts have warped back in time to some Sixtie's beach movie, but the modern day images that are now flashing through my head are even worse! Edward is way too damn good looking to go flouncing all over the sand half naked. If I was going to be there though, it would be totally different. I would stuff Edward into the smallest of Speedos, only the best banana hammocks for my boy!

I wonder if there are any nude beaches in the United States?

"I don't know yet," he answers me with a shrugs. "Of course, Alice will get the final say." He rolls his eyes. "Or the only say, really. She's the unspoken boss because she is just so fucking bossy." He laughs, but I can tell he doesn't mind if she makes the decision, or really where they go at all. He's simply happy about going on vacation in general.

So, I'm going to be happy too, or at the very least, not act like a giant baby about the whole thing. It's just a week.

Seven days.

And, however many hours make up a week and then the minutes and seconds or whatever… I need a fucking calculator to take that further.

_Just a week._

My phone starts to ring, so I dig it out of my pocket, a small smile taking over my face when I see the Caller ID. I answer with an enthusiastic, "What's up, dear mother of mine?"

She sighs. "You know, I at least taught you basic phone skills, JJ. A sweet hello would suffice."

"Well, I love you, too!" I laugh, shaking my head. My mom can be so dramatic. And she wonders where Rose gets it…

"Speaking of love, I was just calling to wish you a Happy Valentine's Day."

"Cookies!" I practically scream. Edward looks at me in shock, his eyes wide. I cover my mouth, trying to hide my embarrassed laughter. I think Edward's lack of verbal filter is rubbing off on me.

Edward's cheeks go red as he tries to hide his face from the people who are blatantly staring. So, he can come up and kiss me in front of these people, but he can't sit at a table with me while I go a bit Tourettesy, shouting out baked goods?

I love that boy's priorities.

A girl at the next table is laughing at me, but I don't care. They just don't understand. My mom bakes these unbelievably fucking amazing cookies for Valentine's Day. They are in the shape of hearts with sprinkles and icing and sheer delicious goodness.

I swear they could probably solve world peace. Drop these from a plane, and Palestine and Israel would stop fighting.

My mom clears her throat. "Um, JJ, there is something I have to tell you."

Shit that doesn't sound good. "What?" I ask, cautious. _Please don't let it be about the cookies_.

"I didn't mail you the cookies," she says quickly, breaking my fucking heart. She seriously just ripped off that band-aid, fast and painful like. My taste buds may never recover.

"What?" I'm sure the disbelief and disappointment is heavy on my voice. Edward's eyes go wide, and he quietly asks me if everything is okay as he places a comforting hand on my arm. I simply shake my head, all melodramatic, before laying it down on the table with a loud sigh.

_No cookies! How will I ever go on?_

"Now, I know you are probably throwing a fit right now," my mother states, interrupting my wallowing.

"Am not," I reply defiantly, which is a definite pre-runner to full on fit throwing.

_Shock—Sadness—Defiance—Fit—Throwing shit—_ isn't that how it always goes?

"I wasn't trying to punish you," she says sounding apologetic. "Work has just been crazy this past week. I didn't have time to get them to the post office, honey."

I sigh into the phone in response. Edward rubs my back a bit, obviously freaked by how I'm acting. He probably thinks my dog died, a little poodle or something named Cookies.

God, that would be the lamest dog name ever.

I know I'm being overdramatic, but now all I can think about are those cookies. I didn't even realize today was Valentine's Day actually. If she wouldn't have called me, the cookies wouldn't have even crossed my mind. This is her fault. She got my hopes up and then crushed them.

She's a cookie dream Indian giver, and I'm not happy about it at all.

"I didn't just forget you though, JJ!" My mother exclaims. "I got you a twenty dollar credit limit at that store you like, so you can pick out what you want."

"The Candy Hut?" I confirm, my bad mood suddenly lifting. That place is legit. Edward removes his hand from my back, and I watch as he crosses his arms across his chest.

"Candy?" he asks, with a _what the fuck _head swerve. "I thought something serious happened!"

I shrug my shoulders at him and extend his frustrated attitude by giving him the _just a second_ finger.

"Awesome!" I tell my mom.

She clears her throat in a not too inconspicuous way. "I mean, thank you, Mom," I tell her, rolling my eyes. What better compliment is there than awesome? Shit just doesn't jive with her.

"JJ, don't roll your eyes at me," she admonishes me.

"Sorry," I grumble. I don't think I will ever understand how she knows shit like that.

"You're a sweet boy, honey, but you need to mind your manners! Anywho, I have got to run. Enjoy your sweets and don't be greedy with them!"

"Like I'm going to share," I scoff after saying goodbye to my mother.

"Share what?" Edward snaps. "_Your candy_?"

"Um," I stall for time, thinking over the situation.

"I thought something awful happened with the way you were acting!"

"Something awful did happen!" I insist.

"What?" he asks, and despite his gruff act his voice still holds concern.

"My mom didn't mail me her Valentine cookies," I tell him, serious as a sugar coma after scarfing back a dozen cookies.

He shakes his head and then starts to laugh. "You're so fucking ridiculous, Jasper."

"Whatever, Edward," I respond, dismissing him. "You just don't know. They're amazing."

He sighs playfully. "I'm sure they are," he replies, obviously placating me. "What's the Candy Hut?"

Oh, shit, this is a landmine of a question. I could ask Edward to go with me today, but then I would have to share my candy with him. I guess I like Edward more than candy? I mean, I love Edward. Then again, I fucking love those chocolate ball things from that shop. They're like miracles in my mouth. On the other hand, Edward does put my cock in his mouth…

Yeah, that one is going to win every time.

"My mom is fucking boss. She got me a line of credit at this chocolate joint. Their shit is awesome. They've got these little chocolate ball things that melt in your mouth. Oh, god," I audibly moan at the thought of those sweet and savory chocolate balls.

"You do love balls in your mouth," he states with a straight face.

"Good one," I tell him, admiring his ball joke before we both laugh.

"You don't understand," I tell him, getting serious again. "I'm getting a chub just thinking about them. They're that good!"

Edward snorts and then chokes on the bite of mashed potatoes he had just put in his mouth. I try not to laugh as he coughs a few times to clear his airways. I mean, it's not funny that he's choking, but he's eating mashed potatoes. How does that even get stuck in your throat? They're already _mashed_.

"Are you okay?" I ask after he gets his breathing under control.

"Yeah," he replies, his breath still a little shaky. "I just did not expect you to say that," he chuckles. I shrug in response, but give him a smile. "I didn't know you were such a chocoholic," Edward remarks.

"A chocoholic, Edward? This isn't a Cathy cartoon," I joke.

He shakes his head. "That's enough of your nineties lesbian standup routine," he tells me with a smirk.

"What?"

"Don't get me started. Don't _even_ get me started," he continues making fun of me.

"You're an ass," I tell him, trying to sound as perturbed as possible.

"Aw, don't act like that, Paula Poundstone!" he says before he starts to laugh.

I unlock our feet from under the table and stand up, looking down at him with a frown. "You," I start, pointing my finger at him, "are not getting any of my candy!"

He laughs and then quickly gets up and follows me out the cafeteria.

A few hours later, we're back in our room, sharing my candy. I'm only slightly unwilling; it's a definite improvement in my sharing skills.

"I wonder if we are going to the beach or maybe the mountains," Edwards keeps talking on and on about his upcoming vacation while I sit next to him, scarfing down the chocolate balls, drowning my sorrow in chocolate balls.

Drowning my sorrow in chocolate? Has it come to that?

I grab my junk just to make sure it's still there.

"You need some help with that?" Edward asks as he licks caramel from his fingers.

My chewing stops while I watch his tongue flick in and out of his mouth. "Help with what?" I question through a mouthful of chocolate.

He places his caramel free hand on top of my groin and squeezes. "This," he answers with a smirk.

"Most definitely," I mumble out, my mouth still full of candy.

He laughs and then scoots closer to me, running his finger up and down my chest. "Well," he says, leaning close to whisper in my ear. "Swallow that and then I'll swallow this," he says, letting his hand graze my dick once again.

I've never chewed faster in my life.

Edward quickly unzips me and pulls out my cock, which is getting harder by the second, and makes quick work of it, bringing me to orgasm faster than he ever has before.

"Shit!" I yell out, still panting. I wipe the sweat from my brow. "That was intense. Thank you." He smiles and lays his head on my chest, making random circles on my stomach with his finger. I make a noise of content and then kiss the top of his head, my hand running up and down his back.

"Should we have made a bigger deal about Valentine's Day?" he asks after a moment.

"I didn't even know that it was today," I respond with a snort. "Did you want me to take you to a fancy dinner and dancing or something?"

"I could take you to dinner, you know!" he almost snaps.

I stifle a small laugh. "You could. I'd like that," I murmur.

He sighs and buries his face in my stomach. "Now that I realize its Valentine's Day, I feel like we're missing out or something," he admits.

I smile and let my hand drift further south than his back. "Well, how about I return the present and suck your cock and then we can go out dancing?"

His body shivers with my words. He rolls off me and onto his back before winking at me. "Sounds like a plan!"

***~*J*~***

"This is the fast lane!" I yell out in frustration at the grandma in front of me who then proceeds to go even fucker slower. With a loud huff of annoyance, I switch lanes to speed past her, situating my face into one hell of a glare. She looks over and smiles at me, all sweet and old lady like, and I can't continue my original plan of attack. I simply return the smile and continue of my way.

I totally just got owned by a Buick driving granny.

At least no one is here to witness it.

No one is here because I'm all alone, all alone in my car making the trip home for a week without Edward. God, I'm acting so lame—which is totally just following the theme today. I swear I almost busted a tear or two when I dropped Edward off at the airport. It was a close call.

Edward didn't seem to share in my sadness over our separation. He was still so excited about his trip with his family, so I just hid my feelings behind a fake smile.

Maybe I blared Sinead O'Conner on repeat on the drive home… but I'm not going to own up to it.

_Like I mentioned—so fucking lame. _

The three hour drive, filled with very loud singing, seems to take no time at all, and before I know it, I'm pulling up into my driveway.

"Hello?" I call out as I shut the front door behind me. "The favorite child has arrived!"

Rose rounds the corner and walks to meet me in the foyer. "You wish, assface," she says before hugging me. "We both know that I'm the favorite child."

"Actually," my mother states as she enters the room, "I think Emmett is my favorite." She smiles and pulls me in for a hug, surrounding me in basic awesomeness. I can't help but relax into it.

I can hear Emmett in the living room, laughing. "Right back at ya, Esme!" he shouts before going back to yelling at the television. Apparently, the ref is a blind as a bat bastard. Good to know.

"We all know that I'm the golden child around here," Rose argues, flipping her blond hair over her shoulder with a huff. "I mean, look at me, I'm perfect!"

I roll my eyes and let out a loud snort. "Oh, you're perfect alright."

She smiles at me. "I'm glad you agree," she muses.

"I was being sarcastic," I retort.

She widens her eyes, pretending to be shocked. "You're were?" she gasps.

My mother shakes her head and sighs. "See. Just proves it. Emmett is my number one."

"Good one, Es!" Emmett yells from the living room.

My mom laughs when we both huff in protest. "I'm just kidding," she says, pulling us both into a hug. "Kind of," she adds.

"Whatever," Rosalie replies, rolling her eyes. "I'll just take most beautiful, I suppose," she says with a smirk, buffing her nails on her shirt.

"You can't touch this," I tell her, showcasing my fine frame with my hands.

"I wasn't planning on it, M.C. Hammer!" she snarls.

"Good. Because I'm too legit," I argue back before bursting out some sweet Hammer Time dance moves. Both Rose and I start laughing.

"Y'all are already giving me a headache, I swear," my mother snaps before leaving the room.

"You need some of those puffy pants," Rosalie giggles as she helps me carry my dirty laundry to my room.

"I bet I could make them look good," I joke with a wink.

"Yeah right," Rose snorts.

"Yeah, girl, I know I'm right," I tell her before laughing again.

Rosalie smiles and gives me a hug. "I've missed you, JJ."

I smile back and nod. "Right back at ya'."

"So, how are things? How is Edward?"

"And, who is Edward?"

We both slowly turn to see my mother standing in my doorway. "Hmm, JJ?" she asks. "Is this the boyfriend that you have been keeping from me?"

"Rose!" I hiss at my sister.

"It wasn't me! I haven't mentioned him to her," Rose promises.

"Why is she not supposed to mention it to me? Why keep it from me, JJ?" my mother questions, sounding hurt.

"I wasn't keeping it from you. I was just keeping it to myself. It is kind of complicated, I guess, but then, it's not. I don't know. It was just new, and I love him. I just didn't think—"

"You love him?" she asks, interrupting me.

I smile at her. "Yeah, I do."

She glares at me and crosses her arms over her chest. "Then, I'm especially angry you didn't tell me!"

"Remember, I told you I would tell you! I just haven't yet, but I was planning on it! I've been caught up in him, I suppose. Rose only knows because you know how she is," I say, pleading my case.

"Hey!" Rose yells out, acting offended.

"You play dirty, sweetie. We all know it," my mom tells her with a pat on the arm.

"Well, I learned from the best," Rose says with a pointed stare at my mother. "How did you do it? What did you use to bribe him?"

"Bribe who?" I ask, confused.

"All it took was one apple streusel. He was weak—cracked like an egg," my mom tells her, acting like she is in some old school cop movie.

My family is weird.

"Emmett, you boob, I told you he was keeping it private!" Rose screams, way too loudly. I plug my ears with my fingers so I don't lose my hearing.

"Rose, stop yelling," my mother says with a shake of her head. "Emmett didn't even realize he wasn't supposed to share with me that JJ has a boyfriend. Why would it be a secret from his mother?" She turns her glare on me and I flinch before sitting on my bed.

Rose quickly leaves the room, claiming she has to talk to her husband. Truth is she probably just doesn't want any part of what is about to go down.

My mother can be very frightening in her disappointment.

"So spill it," she says after a moment of silent staring.

"I have a boyfriend. His name is Edward," I tell her with a smile, hoping it eases her out of her angry mood. She crosses her arms again. It obviously didn't work.

"Edward? As in, your roommate Edward?" She asks, her voice growing louder with each word.

"I told you it was a little complicated," I reply with a small shrug.

She sighs and buries her face in her hands before looking back at me. "You are living with your boyfriend, JJ." She says like I didn't already know.

"It's not like we moved into together!" I insist. "It just kind of happened that way," I add, ending it with a nervous chuckle.

"It doesn't matter!" she yells. "Don't you think that is too intense for your first real relationship?"

"It hasn't been bad so far," I admit with a small smile. She lets out a sort of strangled sound of frustration. "Mom, it wasn't planned. I fell in love with him, and you were the one who told me not to hold back, that I was worth it, that I was good enough! So, I let him in, first as a friend and then as more. I'm not going to pretend that I'm not happy. He makes happier than I've ever been. We just happen to be roommates as well! It's uncommon, but it happened. I'm not going to apologize for falling in love."

"Oh, JJ," she speaks softly. "Come here," she calls, beckoning me with her hand. I stand up and she envelops me in a warm hug. "I love you, and I want you to be happy."

"That's all I—"

"But, if you think that I'm going to let you live _with_ your boyfriend, you are out of your mind!"

***~*J*~***

The next day, I'm still angry at my mom, especially after she called the University to try and get my dorm switched. Luckily, the whole place kind of shuts down for Spring Break, and the one person who did answer the phone did not give her the response she was looking for. Apparently, it's a bit too late in the semester to switch rooms. The school year is almost over.

My mom is still cursing the University five hours after the phone call. I told her if there is nothing they can do, there is nothing they can do. I will just have to stick it out. I might have given her a smart ass smile as well.

She sent me to my room.

I haven't been sent to my room since I was ten.

A few hours later, I shuffle into the kitchen, searching for something to eat. I quietly open the fridge, but my mom's voice catches my attention. I'm not one to eavesdrop, especially on my mom, but when my name is thrown out there, I can't help but tiptoe toward the office where she is sitting, talking on the phone.

"With his boyfriend!" She sighs into her cell phone. "I can't believe it, and I don't know what to do… I tried calling the school. They can't change it… I know he's out of the house, but he is not ready to be in a live-in relationship. It's not fair to either of them really. They should be worrying about school and friends, going to parties. They shouldn't be playing house!"

Playing house? Was she fucking serious? What did she think happened in our tiny dorm room?

"Just think about it, though," she continues. "If they break up, my JJ will be crushed. He's sensitive."

I scoff aloud.

"He hides it, but he is. He won't be able to still live there with that boy. He says they're in love, but you know love at that age. It is more likely infatuation or lust!"

"You've got it wrong, mom," I state, stepping into the doorway.

"Just a moment," she says into the phone before covering the mouthpiece with her hand. "Why on earth were you listening to my conversation, JJ?"

"Because I heard you talking about me from the kitchen," I replied evenly. "And, I love you, mom, but you've got it wrong. It's not just infatuation. Its full blown love, and I know it could end badly, especially because we live together. I don't think it will though. Anyway, it's a risk I'm willing to take."

"Your speeches are sweet, JJ, and I'm happy you found someone special. Still, you should not be living with your boyfriend in the dorm!"

She is a broken record.

"You are driving me crazy!" I say through gritted teeth.

"Thanks, sweetie. That's what I'm here for," my mom says to me all sweet like before pushing me out her office.

"Sorry about that," she says into the phone and it's the last thing I hear before she shuts the door in my face.

A few hours later, I'm sitting in my room, strumming my guitar I got for Christmas, trying to make actual chords and notes, not the disjointed noise I seem prone to making. It's not working.

"You're getting better," my mom says as she enters the room. She even gives me an encouraging smile.

"Esme," I greet her, my tone flat.

"Cool it, JJ. I'm not here to argue with you," she replies with a quick warning glance.

I sigh. "An argument would mean that we were actually discussing it. You keep pulling rank. It's not fair."

"Yeah. It's not fair, but that's how it goes. You are my child. I'm not doing anything to try to hurt you. I'm just looking out for you."

"And trying to ruin my life," I mumble under my breath.

"Well, I came in here to tell you some exciting news, but maybe I should keep it to myself because I'm a life ruiner."

Then, the standoff starts—me, sitting on the bed, guitar in hand, staring at the wall and my mother, arms crossed over her chest, a blank look on her face as she stares at me. Who will break? Who will lose and speak first? It won't be me. It doesn't matter how uncomfortable she's making me. I try not to fidget.

Her eyes are like lasers.

Has it gotten hotter in here? I'm sweating. I need some water. Would it be losing if I left the room?

I can't…

"What news?" I finally ask, the loser.

"We're going on vacation. Pack your bags and bring a swimsuit!" she says happily before leaving the room.

"Wait. What?"

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**I would love to hear your thoughts. Hopefully, they're nice. 3**


	31. Edward & his Newly Found Neck Fetish

**Hey, look, it hasn't been forever! Lots of guesses for what vacation would bring. Who's and the what's and the wtf's. lol. I hope y'all enjoy it. All mistakes are mine. **

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"And there is a boardwalk with a Ferris wheel and so many shops…" Alice drones on and on about the beach town near the place we are vacationing. She has not stopped talking the whole flight to California. You would think the world would end if she stopped flapping her jaw for one moment.

At this point, I've got my fingers crossed for the apocalypse.

"I need to buy one of those big floppy hats! Oh, and a new bikini—"

"You're not wearing a bikini," my dad interrupts her.

She turns away from the window to glare at him. "I already have a bikini, dad," she tells him with a quick roll of her eyes.

"You're not wearing it," he insists, crossing his arms over his chest.

I smile. This is going to make for one interesting flight. I stop the flight attendant with a touch on her arm and ask for some peanuts. It's the next best thing to popcorn. The in-flight entertainment has begun.

Two hours later, nothing has been resolved. Hands down though, the best part was when dad told her he already bought her a new swimsuit for the trip. It's a Hello Kitty one-piece.

I thought the Air Marshall was going to have to restrain Alice.

"Dad, I'm practically an adult, one year away from eighteen! I can wear what I want!" Alice whining continues in the car ride to the condo. "You were a teenager in the late seventies. I've seen _Dazed and Confused_. I know what it was like!"

My dad sighs and unsnaps the sunglasses away from his glasses. He is such a dork. "Alice that is a movie, not real life."

"You had a pony tail!" Alice screeches.

"What does that have to do with anything?" my dad questions, exasperated.

I pop my earbuds in and turn up the music. It's not so amusing anymore. Honestly, I don't care what kind of bathing suit Alice wears, and I definitely don't want to hear anything else about it for the entire trip.

I seriously hope I get my own room.

Luckily for me, I fall asleep, so the hour car ride goes by like a dream, a pretty sweet dream of Jasper and me playing beach volley ball in our underwear. I'm not happy when Alice violently shakes me awake.

"We're here!" she squeals, her face right in mine when my eyes flutter open.

I flinch back from the volume of her voice _and the nearness of her face_, blinking a few times so she's not just a blurry blob in front of me. "Cool," I murmur, wiping the speck of drool from the corner of my mouth. "Where is here exactly again?" I ask, looking around as I climb out of the Jeep my dad rented.

Alice skips up to me and spins around me a few times in the sand. "It's so isolated you can only get here with four wheel drive vehicles. All the houses sit directly on the sand! I hear there are wild horses as well. Oh my god, I hope I get to see a wild horse. Do you think I could ride one of them?"

"Whoa, there, cowgirl," I say with a laugh, placing my hands on her shoulders to calm her. "They're wild, as in wild animal, as in do not even attempt to pet them, let alone ride them."

"Whatever, Bub. I bet people ride them all the time." It's like she barely even hears me.

"Horse whisperer, you are not, Alice," I reply with a shake of my head. "How many pets have you had?" I ask her.

She sighs. "Four."

"And, how many out of those four lived longer than a week?"

She grumbles under her breath, but finally says, "Zero."

I give her one concise nod. "Exactly. Stay away from the wild horses."

"But—"

"Nope," I say, cutting her off. "The only animal you are going to be hanging with this week is Hello Kitty," I almost get through that statement without laughing.

"Oh, you are such an ass!" she sneers, but I can see her fighting back a smile.

"Well, if you want, I can probably find you a My Little Pony swimsuit," I tease. "What are you, a child's size small?"

"You better run because I'm going to kill you," she states seriously.

I don't wait to find out how serious she is though. I'm already half way to the water by the time she finishes her threat.

That night over a delicious array of fresh seafood, my dad clears his throat quite loudly. Obviously, he has an announcement…or he's about to cough up a whole soft-shell crab.

"I'm so excited we are taking this trip together as a family," my dad starts. Alice raises her water glass in the air, like he's toasting us or something. I laugh and do the same thing.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered here today to honor the vacation of the Cullen family," Alice starts speaking in some crazy voice. She sounds a bit like Al Sharpton. "With the dolphins and wild horses as our witnesses on this Spring Break of beachery fun—"

"Beachery?" I ask with a laugh.

"I was trying to say something important!" my dad all but yells.

Both Allie and I try to stop laughing and turn toward him. "I concede the floor to Dr. Carlisle Cullen," Alice says, still using that same voice. "Yes, he colors his hair, but he is a good man—"

"Alice!"

"Yes?"

"I was talking," he tells her, giving her a pointed look. "And, I don't color my hair!" he adds with a quick huff.

He so does.

"What I was trying to say is that, and I didn't plan on springing it on you like this. I just haven't been able to figure out how to say or it or when to say it. I'm pretty sure you know Alice, but you don't know all of it. I thought that this would be a good place to do it since it is neutral territory and everyone should be happy. We're at the beach."

We're saved more of his crazy ramblings by a loud knock on the door. Alice is already out of the room before I even consider pushing my chair back to see who is at the door.

"Shit," my dad curses, and I turn toward him in shock.

"Do my ears deceive me?" I tease him.

"Anthony—"

I clear my throat this time.

"Edward," he starts again. "I was trying to explain before they got here."

"They?" I ask, interrupting him.

"Yes, my… girlfriend…" he almost whispers it, as if he's testing out the word.

"Your girlfriend?" I ask, my voice rising in disbelief. Why would he invite her without telling us? How could he do that?

"Yes, and her kids," he tells me.

_Oh great, it's not just her… there are kids too!_

"Her son is about your age. He even goes to the same University as you. I promise I'll explain more later. I'm sorry. I wanted to tell you, but I didn't know how you and Alice would react. I'm afraid I did this in the worst way possible."

"You think?" I remark as he gets up from the table to go greet his new _family_.

A few seconds later, my dad calls my name as he reenters the room. "Edward, I would like you to meet JJ, Esme's son."

"You can call me Jasper."

***~*E*~***

Shut the fuck up.

I can't even move. My breathing picks up. This can't be real. This must be a dream. There is no way in real life that my dad, my dork of a father with his snap on sunglasses, is dating Jasper's, my Jasper's, mom!

My world is imploding all around me.

"You are being very rude, son," my dad admonishes me.

"Yeah, what's up, Edwardo?" Jasper asks, and I can't help but snicker. He is such an ass.

God, I love him.

I finally turn to see him, and he's real alright, staring down at me with a hungry look in his eyes. I know that look. I live for that look. I want to kiss him. I want to bite his neck.

Well, that's a new thought for me.

"It's nice to meet you," I finally say to him, my voice sounding strange to my own ears. He shrugs his shoulders from behind my dad's back and gives me a confused look that pretty much sums how I'm feeling. This was obviously sprung on him as well.

"JJ was it?" I ask, clenching my jaw to keep from laughing… or screaming. I'm not sure. This moment is too fucking weird.

"See, I knew you two would get along!" my dad says happily, giving me an encouraging pat on the back. "Come and meet the rest of them," he continues before leaving the room.

"Your dad is hot," Jasper whispers in my ear. I give him a hard whack on the chest with the back of my hand.

A pretty woman with brown hair and kind eyes walks up to me when Jasper and I trail behind my father into the room. I can't help but notice Alice whispering with a tall blond girl in the corner who I can only assume is Rosalie, Jasper's sister.

From the looks on their faces, I can tell they haven't divulged the whole truth yet. I mean, I have talked to Rosalie on the phone and Alice has met Jasper. There is no way they both haven't already confided in each other. Alice winks at me before bursting into giggles and turning back to Rose.

"You must be Anthony," Jasper's mom greets me before enveloping me into a hug.

"Anthony?" Jasper asks in confusion.

"Yeah, JJ," his mom says to Jasper as she pulls away from the hug. She turns back to me. "It is Anthony, right?"

"Yep!" Alice yells, stopping me from saying anything else. "He's Anthony alright," she says, walking over toward us. She grabs Esme's hand and pulls her behind her toward my father. "I'm so glad you're here now. I've been waiting for my dad to grow a pair and tell us the truth about you."

"Alice!" my dad reprimands her.

"Sorry," she says to him, grabbing his hand with her other hand and essentially dragging the parents behind her. "Let's go show Esme the ocean!"

When the front door shuts behind them, my shoulders sag in relief. What the fuck is going on here?

"She just bought y'all some time. They obviously haven't put two and two together yet," Jasper's sister states. She comes up to me and gives me a quick hug. "It's so nice to meet you, Edward!" She winks at me before turning toward Jasper. "JJ, you've got great taste in men! He's so handsome."

I can feel the blush rise up in my cheeks. Jasper throws his arm around my shoulders and pulls me toward him. "That he definitely is," he says before giving me a quick peck on the cheek. "Is this not the weirdest fucking moment?" he asks.

"I knew Esme was getting some," a large man says in way of greeting as he comes through the front door dressed only in swim trunks. "She's just been too happy."

"Ew, Emmett! That is my mother," Rosalie groans. "Where have you been by the way?" she asks, placing both hands on her hip.

"That's her husband," Jasper whispers in my ear.

Emmett runs the towel that is hanging over his shoulders through his hair. "I was boogie boarding!" he exclaims with a wide smile. "It was awesome!"

"You are a giant man-child," she tells her husband with a shake of her head.

"And you're married to a giant man-child," he reminds her with a wink. "Who is the dumber out of the two of us?"

She glares at him. "You did NOT just call me dumb, Emmett!" she sneers through gritted teeth.

Jasper makes a face of fright almost, which isn't a good sign. He grabs my hand and silently pulls me out of the room. He walks without knowing where he's going, opening door after door before finally finding one that he likes, leading us out onto the balcony overlooking the water.

"Sorry, I know how they are. Rose gets super pissed at him and then they end up going at it like animals. It's not a sight for weak stomachs."

I nod with a small laugh and walk to the edge and watch Alice leading my father and Jasper's mother around the beach. They both have rather exhausted looks on their faces, though Jasper's mom is trying to keep smiling.

It is the first time she's meeting her boyfriend's children after all. She will want to make a good impression. She just probably wasn't expecting the hurricane that is Alice.

Oh man, this moment belongs in the Fucking Twilight Zone or something. I may have slipped into another dimension.

"Did you have any idea about-" Jasper starts.

"Not a clue," I interrupt. "Did you?"

"Hell fucking no!" he exclaims with wide eyes. "I would have told you!"

"Yeah," I agree. "I would have as well."

"Our parents are dating." His lips turn down in revulsion.

"That's what I heard," I groan, burying my face in my hands. "How could they keep this from us?"

Jasper shrugs. "More importantly how do they not know that we are fucking roommates?"

"And boyfriends!" I add.

Jasper grins and licks his lips. "I do love when you call me your boyfriend."

"Yeah, we've established how needy you are for validation," I tease.

Jasper rolls his eyes. "Cool it with the Psych 101 bullshit."

I laugh because I don't know what else to do. I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed in this situation. How dare my father surprise us with this? I'm happy because Jasper is here, but unhappy with the circumstances that got him here. How long have they been dating? Obviously long enough to merge the families on a vacation?

This is possibly the worst _here kids, meet my girlfriend_ introduction in the world.

And, I don't think I'm even mad that he's moving on from my mother. I know he loved her, and I know that she would have wanted him to be happy. You would think he would talk to us about him getting back into the dating world, though.

Wait, Alice knew? Has Esme been to our house?

Shit. They live in Oregon. I doubt she has been over for fucking tea or something.

"She didn't tell you in the car on the way here? Did she just sneak attack this trip on you?" I ask.

"She told us that she had a boyfriend in the car on the way here," Jasper tells me. "It was a very heated ten hour drive. There was lots of fighting. Some tears," he pauses, "from the girls of course."

I smile at him. I know how protective he is of his mother. "Of course."

"And, by the end of it, Rose was kind of happy for her, but I was still angry. I can't let my mom get hurt again. I have to protect her."

"My dad is the ultimate nice guy," I reassure him, running my fingers through his hair.

Jasper lets out a deep breath, visibly relaxing. "I don't doubt that, considering he is your father," he says with a smile.

"Ugh, don't remind me," I whine. "How did they meet, do you know?" I ask Jasper.

He shrugs. "She didn't say. I guess that didn't get brought up. I'm not sure; the whole car ride was one angry and awkward hell. My mom doesn't date, though. She works all the time."

"Well, not just that but they live pretty far away," I add, just stating the obvious facts for the hell of it.

"Maybe they met online?" Jasper questions, not sounding sure at all. "How fucking strange though that out of all the people in the world, you and me and—"

"Yeah," I say with a nod, interrupting him. "I didn't even know that my dad was ready to date again," I mumble and Jasper pulls me into a hug.

"If it's any consolation my mom is awesome," Jasper tells me and I bury my face in his neck.

I laugh into his skin. "Are you pimping your mom out for my dad, talking up her good points?"

He squeezes me tighter. "Shut the fuck up."

"I love you too."

He sighs and pulls my face up toward him then kisses me. His tongue slips into my mouth and I melt into his embrace for a moment before walking him toward the wall and pressing against him hard, letting my growing erection brush against his. We were barely apart for two days, but I didn't know until this moment that it was two days too many.

"Fuck! Shit! Sorry, dude… dudes!"

We break apart, breath heavy to find a very red-faced Emmett, shifting from foot to foot. He rubs the back of his neck with his hand. "I did not expect to find you two macking so hard out here," Emmett says with a nervous chuckle.

Jasper laughs. I watch his Adam's apple bob for a moment before stopping myself. I'm becoming a bit of a weirdo about his neck.

"I'm pretty sure no one says _macking_ any more, brother-in-law," he tells Emmett with a grin.

"Well, I needed a word that was more than kissing because you both looked like you just got some. It's going to be a little suspicious, don't you think, brother-in-law?" he replies, crossing his arms over his massive chest.

Why didn't I notice before how big this guy was? He's like that man slut Felix but on steroids. Great, now I'm picturing Felix and Jasper shirtless on his bed…

Stupid thought process.

"Not as suspicious as that giant hickey on your neck,_ brother-in-law_!" Jasper practically yells back.

"The only thing people are going to notice, brother-in-law, is that you have a boner!"

"Hey!" I interrupt, stepping in front of Jasper and his probably now wilted boner. "First of all, gross, okay? Who would notice? Our sisters or our parents? Either way, they shouldn't be looking. You," I say, pointing at him, "shouldn't be looking! That boner is mine!"

Jasper adds a _hell yeah_ and then wraps his arms around me from behind, pulling me back into his body. Emmett makes a face and shakes his head as though to clear it.

"That was a whole lot of things I didn't want to hear," he says matter-of-factly.

"You started it," I remind him with a pointed stare.

He throws his hands into the air in defeat. "I will never mention boners around either of you ever again. You have my word. "

Rosalie steps through the doorway and saunters over to her husband, snuggling her way into his side. "Why are y'all talking about boners? Don't be trying to steal my husband, Edward!"

"What?" I ask, flabbergasted. "Me? Why? I don't…"

She bursts into loud laughter. "I was just kidding."

My shoulders sag in relief and Jasper pulls me tighter against him. "Why would he try to steal Emmett when he's got me?" Jasper drawls lazily. "I'm one hot hunk of a man," he continues with a laugh.

Alice peeks her head through the door then. "Well, that is good to know I suppose, Jasper, but it might also be good to know that the parents are heading this way right now!"

Jasper and I have never separated so quickly before.

***~*E*~***

"So," Emmett starts about ten minutes of awkward silence when my dad gathers the whole group into the living room. He called us gang. I hope it never happens again. "How did you two meet?"

"Work conference," they say at the same time. They then proceed to get all googly-eyed and stare each other for a moment.

I feel sick to my stomach.

Jasper's practically turning green.

"The one in New York?" Rose asks.

"That was the one," Esme says with a smile. "Kids, I know we didn't go about this the right way, but we couldn't hide it anymore. We're in love."

"You sure it's not just lust?" Jasper asks, sounding angry.

His mom looks away, almost as though she's ashamed. I make a mental note to ask Jasper what that is about later. "JJ, I shouldn't have said that about you and your boyfriend."

What is she talking about?

Alice squeaks, her body vibrating. I know this secret is eating her up inside. I give her two days before she breaks. "You love your boyfriend?" she asks Jasper, though she's staring at me.

Jasper smiles and throws his arm over the back of the couch that we're sharing. "I do, very much," he tells her.

My ears are red. I can feel it.

"Anthony, are you dating anyone special?" Esme asks.

My dad opens his mouth, obviously to correct her about my name of choice. Why does he call me Anthony to everyone else? I think he does it on purpose.

"Are you?" Alice blurts out before my dad can say anything.

"Um… what?" is my intelligent response.

She smiles. "Is there a special guy in your life?"

Everyone is staring at me. Jasper is biting back his laughter. Rosalie is smirking like she's getting paid to do it, and Alice's eyes are about to pop out of her head.

"He is," my dad tells Esme. "He told me on the phone the other day that he was in love."

Jasper turns to me. "You did?"

I fidget nervously in my seat. "Yeah. I just kind of blurted it out."

"Have you two met each other before at school, being young and gay…" my dad trails off.

"Well, unfortunately, the gays at U Dub discontinued the name tags last year, so we're not as easy to spot. The secret handshake just isn't working out as well as we thought it would," is Jasper's snarky return.

"Um, nametags?" my dad asks, confused.

"Jasper quit being a smartass!" his mother scolds.

After that, we experience another ten minutes of awkward silence before my dad lets out a loud, fake yawn.

"I'm whooped!" he tells us, nodding a bit too enthusiastically. "I'm heading to bed."

"I think I will too," Jasper's mom says.

Jasper clears his throat. "Um, what are the sleeping arrangements here?" he asks, arching his brow at his mother.

"Well, um," she starts, her cheeks heating up. "You will stay with Edward."

Cue internal fist pump.

"Alice will be in the small room by herself and Rose and Emmett will be together of course," she finishes with a smile.

"Well, mom, if my calculations are correct, that only leaves one room left." His voice is dripping with sarcasm. "Can you tell me which one of you is sleeping on the couch?"

My dad shuffles a bit before saying, "I am."

Esme lets out hiss and narrows her eyes at her son. "Listen here, JJ. I am a grown woman, not to mention your mother! You do not dictate where I sleep, you hear me? Y'all are old enough to know and respect that Carlisle and I will be sleeping in the same bed!"

She sounds rather frightening, but Jasper just laughs.

"Now don't you feel better?" he asks her with a smile. "All that tip-toeing around the truth was giving me a headache."

"Your face is giving me a headache!" Rose snaps from her spot on the love seat with Emmett. "So this bonding session is over, right? I need some Rosie-Emmie time."

"Your children get straight to the point, don't they?" my dad says to Esme with a kind of nervous laugh.

She sighs and rolls her eyes. "You have no idea! They're going to drive me straight to my grave, if that is the point you mean," she tells Carlisle with a quick shake of her head. "I swear they do have manners. She turns back toward her children, adding, "they just don't like to use them."

"We love you too, mom!" Jasper says with a chuckle.

She sighs. "You know that I love both you with all my heart, Emmett too. Y'all just drive me crazy!"

Rose stands and drags Emmett out of the room. "Love you too, mom. Have fun. Don't do anything I wouldn't do," she cackles.

"Get ya' some, Es!" Emmett yells, adding his two _very unasked for _cents.

"That was disturbing," Alice says after a rather awkward silence that followed Emmett's words. "I'm going to bed. Hopefully, I won't have nightmares."

That just leaves Jasper and me with our parents, and they're holding hands. I don't think it's ever not going to be weird.

"Well, lead me to our room, Anthony," Jasper says to me.

"Okay, JJ."

"Good night, boys," Jasper's mom calls out to us when we walk away. Once out of the room and out of their sight, I grab Jasper's hand and pull him to my… our… room and quickly shut the door behind us, falling back against it like I'm Molly Ringwald in some cheesy eighties movie.

I have got to stop letting Alice coerce me into movie nights.

I still haven't gotten all that pink nail polish off my toes.

I let out a loud sigh, my body relaxing against the wooden door. "What is going on here, Japer? This can't be real life. How does this shit happen?"

"Our parents are dating," he says it like it's the first time he's heard it.

"Oh, you think?" I ask sarcastically.

He narrows his eyes at me before rushing toward me, pushing me back flat against the door with a quiet thump, his body pressed against mine. "Such a smart ass," he whispers into my ear before pressing his lips against the sensitive skin right beneath it. I try to quiet a moan. "Shhh," he tells me, letting his finger graze my mouth. "You have to be quiet," he says with a line of open-mouthed kisses along my jaw. "Can you be quiet, Edward? Can you keep absolutely silent while I ravish your body?"

"Ravish?" I somehow mumble out as his lips work down my neck. I groan when his tongue traces my collarbone. "Who are you Danielle Steel?"

"I'm fucking Fabio. Danielle Steel is for losers," he whispers.

"Oh, Fabio," I cry out quietly. "I can't believe it's not butter!"

Jasper hides his face in my neck to muffle his laughter. After a moment, he pulls away and brings his eyes to mine, not looking away. "I'm serious though, Edward," he says, toying with the bottom of my t-shirt. "Can you be quiet? I've missed you, and I can't wait until school starts back to fuck you."

A shiver runs through me from his words.

"We should take advantage of their ignorance while we have it. I'm sure Rose will blurt out something she's not supposed to soon."

I laugh. "Alice will definitely beat her to it. Did you see her this evening? She looked like a chipmunk on crack."

"Yeah. Well, that's why we need to get on with the getting on, Edward my man, because I doubt the parents will let us stay together once they found out the whole truth. I mean, I already told you how my mom reacted when she found out."

I nod. "How do they not know? Are they both so out of the loop that they don't know their own son's roommates' names?"

"Well, my mom called you Anthony," Jasper points out.

I sigh. "_My_ mom called me Anthony. I don't go by it anymore. My dad can't seem to remember that."

Jasper nods and pulls me into a hug. "JJ is Jasper Junior," he all but growls out. "Luckily, Rose and my mom don't call me Junior anymore, but JJ has stuck with them. I, of course, just use Jasper."

I look up at him. "I didn't know you were named after your dad?"

He rolls his eyes. "Yeah, because that's something I want people to know?"

Nodding in understanding, I press my lips against his for a quick kiss. "He went by Jasper as well?" I can't help but ask.

He shakes his head. "No, he went… goes by Jay, the bastard."

"You may be named after him, but you are so much better than him, Jasper," I tell him honestly, catching his eyes with mine. "You are kind and considerate, smart and sweet. You have a quick temper, sometimes, but you are quick to apologize. Not to mention, you're handsome and great in bed."

Jasper smiles and hugs me tight, his body relaxing against mine. He pulls back a few minutes later. "You know, Edward," he says rubbing his burgeoning erection against mine. "I think great in bed should have been first on your list," he continues with a giant grin on his face. "And, I think it should be fucking awesomely fantastic in bed," he adds.

I smirk. "Prove it."

He does.

* * *

**Well, weird twist, huh? lol. Not really that much of a crazy twist considering the names of the parents, but you know how it is. Have I squicked you out? Are you like, no, their parents! Ahh! Vacations together! Your smoking crack!**

**I don't know. I may be. I did make Tanya a tranny after all. **

**This has always been the plan though. ;) **

**Let me know what you think. ATD has only one or two chapters left, a quick epilogue as well. I can't believe I'm so close to the end. I mean, I should have ended it a year ago if I would have been a better poster...**

**Sorry, dudes.**

**Did you know what was going on the whole time? Mysterious phone calls? Just for Men? Did the tiny clues give it away? **

**Review! I'd love to know! :)**


	32. Jasper & the Good Cop Bad Cop

**Um... yeah... I got nothing. Sorry for the extra long wait. **

* * *

"I need your promise, Edward," I whisper into his ear after his smirked challenge to me to prove my sexual prowess. I never back down from a dare.

"What promise?" he replies, his breath heavy.

I exhale as I lick my lips. "Your promise that you can be quiet." He nods and jerks his hips forward, seeking friction. I can't help the moan that slips from my lips.

"Can you be quiet though?" he asks with a throaty laugh.

I have to fight back my first instinct which is to push him further, make him eat his words, and break him first. I can't have my boy yelling out though. We have to be quiet. I'll just have to tease him until he screams some other night, preferably a night when our parents aren't a few rooms over.

I pull back, a giant grin on my face. I wait until he looks up, making sure I have his full attention before I bring my hands up to cup his face. I just fucking stare at him for a moment, basking in the warm twisty feeling in my stomach, a constant when I'm with Edward. I love this moment, the few seconds of calm desperation before we fall together into oblivion.

You know, the time right_ before _all the super sexy shit.

He bites his lip, and I lose all my resolve. I can't wait any longer. Leaning in to kiss him, he rushes to meet me in the middle. We work together to be quiet, our mouths swallowing the noises that try to escape from our throats. We don't need words anyway. Our lips do all the talking for us.

I've always been a fan of kissing, but kissing Edward is beyond anything I've ever experienced, even when he was all sloppy. I guess it's because Edward means more to me than any of the other people I've kissed. Before him, I had no idea what kissing could really be like. When we're together, I honestly feel as though my chest is going to explode.

Just explode into a giant, bloody mess of love… _and well, guts, I guess._

"Jasper," Edward whispers as he pulls away, gasping for air. I respond with a nearly silent moan and move my unoccupied lips south. Soon his shirt is in the way, so I pull up on the bottom of it, desperate to get it off of him. He should never wear a shirt… or pants for that matter.

His hands slip from their spot in my hair, and he raises his arms, allowing me to pull his t-shirt over his head. My mouth doesn't miss a beat and is back on his body, honing in on his chest before you can say the world nipples.

Speaking of nipples, I love the ones on Edward's chest. Edward also loves me to love on his nipples…even though he can't say the word nipples without laughing.

It's pretty ridiculous but also really fucking adorable.

"Jasper," he repeats this time with more desperation as he relaxes further against the door.

I continue kissing down his chest, letting my tongue dart in and out of his belly button. He gasps, and I grin. He loves attention to his belly button too. To be honest, though, he loves most things I do. I'm just awesome like that.

Before you can say beach blow jobs, his pants are undone and pushed down to his knees, underwear too. His dick pops out of his pants, slapping me in the bottom of the chin, and even though I might not admit it, getting dick slapped is kind of fucking hot. I pull back watching his cock fucking throb before my eyes; my mouth waters at the sight. Wrapping my hand around the base, I can't wait any longer, so I give him one long swipe toward the head of his dick before taking him into my mouth.

"Oh, God," he grunts, a little too loudly. I pull back, letting him fall from my mouth, and he groans in protest.

"You have to be quiet," I remind him.

He drops his arm from where it was covering his face to glare down at me. "It's hard to be quiet when your mouth is on my cock," he whispers in such a fucking endearing yet angry way; it makes me even harder. My dick was already uncomfortably trapped, now it's like a fucking torture chamber in my pants.

"You are going to kill me," I tell with him with a small laugh as I unzip and free the monster within.

That's right; I've got a fucking monster, a giant one-eyed, purple man eater, in my pants.

Edward chuckles. "I'm going to kill _you_?" he asks with a shake of his head. "You're the one hoovering my cock down there."

My dick twitches. Something about Edward saying _cock _gets me every time.

"Can I fuck you?" I ask, and I swear I can see his pupils dilate with my question before he shuts his eyes.

He falls back against the door, letting out a loud shuddering breath. "I don't think I could be quiet, Jasper," he tells me with a shake of his head. "It would be too much."

He's probably right. I've come to learn and _appreciate _that Edward is pretty loud in bed. I understand his worries about tonight. I would hate to have our parents bust up in here while I was busting up in him.

That would pretty much fucking suck.

I kiss his hip bone before resting my forehead against him. "I've missed you more than you would fucking know, dude, and it was only a few days. How is that possible?" I admit, pulling back to look up at him. I love him in way that overwhelms me. It scares me too if I'm being honest. I think if it was anyone but Edward, I would have never gotten to this point. I would still be hiding and pretending to be someone I'm not. With him being my roommate though, I couldn't run away. Then, I didn't want to run away anymore. I just wanted him, and by some special stroke of luck, he wanted me back.

He opens his eyes, bringing his hand to rest on my cheek. "I feel the same way," he says with a lazy smile on his face. "I was caught up in the excitement of a vacation. I didn't realize I was going to be so sad without you. Then," he pauses with a laugh, "you show up out of nowhere, and it just hit me like a fucking freight train."

I nod and hide my face against his thigh, the emotions running through my body making it hard for me to look up at him. I feel like a giant girl, all misty eyed over my feelings. I get myself together after a moment and then stand up, looking him square in the eyes. "If we don't stop talking like this, we're going to have to get some douche for our vaginas," I tell him seriously.

He laughs, and it's _loud_.

Edward eyes go wide as he covers his mouth with his hand, his cheeks turning a sweet shade of red. We don't move or even breathe, just listening and waiting. When all is quiet on the family front, we relax, and he presses his face against my neck, muffling his nervous laughter in my skin.

"_You're_a douche," he replies after he gets himself under control.

I smile and run my fingers through his already unruly hair. "You are so good at those five minute comebacks," I tease. "Very snappy, grandpa."

He snorts, and I can practically feel him roll his eyes. His warm breath on my neck causes a shudder to run through my body, and he follows it up with a swipe of his tongue before kissing and nipping his way to my mouth where he proceeds to really let me have it.

You won't hear me complaining.

We break apart to take in much needed oxygen, just breathing and looking at each other. It's heavy with anticipation.

He arches one eyebrow. "I thought you were sucking my dick?" he asks, breaking the silence, and once again, his dirty talk twists in my stomach in the best possible way.

"I was, but then you got all sentimental on me," I tell him. "I had to stop."

He smiles. "Were you going to cry?" he teases, sticking out his bottom lip.

"Sucking cock and crying," I muse. "What a wonderful combination."

He snorts and shakes his head. "You know what a better combination would be?" I ask, not waiting for him to answer. "You sucking my dick while I suck yours."

He grins. "I like the sound of that."

What better way to muffle any noises we make than with each others' cock?

It's the perfect solution.

***~*J*~***

I wake up, feeling disoriented but happy to find my head on Edward's chest with his arms wrapped around me. I smile and just breathe, enjoying the moment before attempting to escape his grasp so I can piss. Once I'm free, I can't resist leaning over to give Edward a quick kiss on the forehead.

"Well, aren't you two sweet."

I practically jump out of my fucking boxers at her voice. I end up sliding off the side of the bed, landing my ass on the floor. I pull myself up and sit back on the bed before addressing her.

"Alice, you scared the shit out of me," I say, my breath heavy while my heart still races. I run my hand through my hair and over my face trying to regain some composure. It's way too damn early for this shit.

She just laughs. With a sister like Alice, I can see why Edward is so good natured. I can just imagine Alice as a child, popping out from under the cabinets or some shit like that, scaring the mess out of a fun-sized Edward. It's no wonder he can take a good ribbing from me with a smile on his face.

Wow. That sounded a lot dirtier than I intended, but he definitely can take _that _as well.

"I can't believe you slept in the same bed," she remarks with a shake of her head. Then, Alice's gaze shifts, like she's lost in thought. It's weird, though, because she's still smiling. I'm honestly not really sure what's going on. I'm on the verge of asking her what's going on, and as tempting as it may be, I decide not to. It's way too fucking early to delve into the deep thoughts of someone else. I shake Edward awake instead.

"Good morning," he grumbles with a giant yawn, pushing himself up until he is propped against the headboard. Edward smiles at me and leans forward for a kiss. Mid-lean he stops and his eyes go all wide when he realizes we're not alone. He reaches down to pull the blanket up even though we're both wearing boxers.

At least we remembered to put those back on last night. Shit could have been a lot more awkward.

"Alice!" he hisses. "What the hell?"

"Morning, Bub!" she replies with a happy smile, obviously coming out of her trance or whatever was up with her a moment ago.

"I was sent to wake you up," Alice pauses. "Well, actually, I had to demand that I be the one to wake you two. Your mom, Jasper, was all gung ho about it. She must get very excited about breakfast." She laughs again, a grin on her face, but I don't get the joke.

I mean, I guess my mom likes breakfast? I wouldn't say she gets excited about it though. I imagine she just wants to get this whole blended family thing off with a bang. I think we have had enough bangs already though.

_Since, I'm banging the son of the man she's banging and all_.

Yeah, it's too early for those thoughts too.

I don't need to tack any extra mental images onto this situation. It's fucked up enough on its own. Though, if I'm being honest, I wouldn't object to a shirtless Carlisle.

"Do you think she knows?" Edward asks his sister, his words breaking me out of my thoughts. I watch Alice shrug in response to Edward's question. She gives him a small smile, and he lets out a loud deep breath. Then she nods, and he winces.

And, I'm really fucking lost.

I swear they're having a conversation without actually having a conversation if that even makes sense. They're being strange. That's all I really know for sure.

"Knows what?" I ask, glancing back and forth between the two of them. Alice widens her eyes. Edward shakes his head. I lose my patience. It's a _fun _time. "Knows what?" I repeat a little louder, focusing on my boyfriend this time.

Someone really needs to tell me what the fuck they're _not _talking about.

Alice smiles at us. "The important thing is that she didn't come to wake you two up and find you in the same bed, right?" Alice says, and the full brevity of the situation sinks into my head.

"Shit," Edward curses under his breath. "Thanks, Al gal," he tells his sister gratefully.

"No prob," she says with a dismissive wave of her hand. "Pancakes in five," Alice informs us before she goes.

"Well, that could have been bad," Edward comments as I get out of bed to dig through my suitcase for something to wear.

I stop, dropping the board shorts in my hand, and turn back to look at him. "Would it have been?" I ask.

He rubs his eyes and yawns again before answering. "Would you have wanted your mother to walk in on us?"

"No, it's just that, should we be hiding this?" I question, pointing between the two of us. "I hate lying to my mom."

"We didn't lie," he responds defensively. "I mean, not actively," he says after a moment of thought. "It's not our fault they can't put two and two together."

I chuckle at his ramblings. "We're being all secretive about our relationship just like our parents, dude, and it really fucking sucked when all that came to head," I rationalize.

"Yeah, but your mom already knows you are in a relationship with your roommate, and that didn't go well," her reminds me.

I nod and grab a t-shirt before coming over to sit on the bed next to Edward. "That's true, but I know my mom. She's not mad that I have a boyfriend. She was hurt that I hid you from her. Also, she just thinks we are too young to live together."

"It's not like we moved in together!" he retorts with the exact same logic I gave my mom.

"Dude, I know, but that's not how she sees it. In her eyes, we aren't old enough to live together, no matter the circumstances that brought us together."

"We're making it work," he replies.

"In her eyes it made us go from zero to sixty, though, you know?" I ask.

"Are you saying you want to slow down?" he asks, sounding hurt at the idea. My gut twists at the thought. Besides, we have gone slow enough.

"No!" I insist. "We just have to show her that we're mature and shit, starting with coming clean."

Edward groans and throws the blanket over his head. "It's too early for this."

I smile and grab the blanket, pulling it off of him. "It's now or never, man." He grumbles some more but gets up out of the bed. We get dressed and brush our teeth. "Let's do this shit," I say right before we head out the door to face our families.

Suddenly remembering the weird telekinetic conversation Edward had with his sister, I ask again, "Knows what?"

He stops and looks at me for a moment, obviously confused. "Who knows what?"

"My mom," I clarify.

"Knows what?" he asks, and I shake my head. This is quickly becoming some kind of Abbot and Costello situation that I don't want to be in. _Who gives a fuck who was on first, really?_

"Stop," I plead, taking a deep breath before continuing. "Earlier you asked Alice if she knew, and I'm assuming you were talking about my mom. What the fuck was that about?" I ask, just cutting right down to the nitty gritty of it.

Edward chuckles, finally understanding the verbal back and forth we just escaped. "I was asking her if she knew if your mom knew about us."

My eyes widen at his words. "Do you think she does?" I ask, and despite my bravado about coming clean five minutes ago, the thought that she already knows kind of scares the shit out of me.

"She might. Alice thought it was fishy how she was acting this morning," he remarks with a small shrug.

I just stare at him. "You got all that from her comment about my mom liking breakfast?" I ask in disbelief. That is some mind reading shit right there.

"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day, but not one people get really excited about," he remarks with a smile.

"So, what you're really saying is that Alice's mind works in the same strange way your mind works," I state with a laugh.

He nods and laughs with me. "Hey!" he says, pretending to be offended. "Are you calling me strange?"

I let out a loud bark of laughter. "Most definitely," I agree. "I love you," I add quickly, hoping to appease him.

He glares at me for a second before his breaks into a beatific smile. "That's good," he remarks, finally opening the door so we can leave the room. "Because we're about to tell our parents the exact same thing."

_Fuck._

***~*J*~***

Everyone is sitting at the table when we come into the room, and they all look up at practically the same time. Everyone is wearing a different expression, though. Rose looks all smirky, like she knows it all. Nothing new there. Alice looks like she is barely keeping her mouth shut about everything. Carlisle seems to be eyeballing me-not in the good kind of way. My mom seems to be hiding something...her large smile is unnatural.

Emmett, though, just looks hungry. I choose to sit next to him.

"So, boys, how did you two sleep?" my mom asks the moment after I've scooped some eggs on my plate. I put my fork down. Edward chews for much longer than necessary. I guess this is my question.

"Fine," I say with a shrug of my shoulders. Edward nods in agreement.

She raises her left eyebrow. This can't be good. "It wasn't weird?" she asks, watching us closely.

Edward shakes his head. He has apparently lost all his vocal ability. "Why would it be weird?" is what I finally ask.

She tilts her head to the side and grabs Carlisle's hand. "Well, it is a new situation, what with us dating, and I know you were all thrown into it in a weird way. You two were the only ones who had to share a room as strangers though. It might have been... uncomfortable."

I gulp down some orange juice to try and clear my head. It's now or never. "About that-"

"They both have lived with strangers in the dorm, though, Esme," Edward's dad chimes in, interrupting me.

My mom makes some kind of _aha_ face, her lips pursed and her eyes wide.

Shit.

She already knows.

_Well, two can play that game. _

"Yeah, that is true, Mr. Cullen," I agree, sounding a bit too cheerful to be real. I'm in it to win it... whatever _it _is. "And, yeah, mom, it was a little weird at first, but Tony and I have gotten to be friends!"

Edward at that moment is taking a sip of his orange juice, and the next thing I know there is OJ dripping down the side of my face.

"Dude," I groan as I wipe at the sticky liquid with my napkin.

"Um, sorry," Edward mumbles. "It's just... Tony? What?"

Rose has to excuse herself, so she can get a handle on her laughing. She always was a lame_ America's Funniest Home Videos _fan. Spit takes and guys getting hit in the junk with baseball bats is right up her alley.

"Yeah, Tony," I say, turning toward him, giving my face one more exaggerated wipe. "Remember, I asked if I could call you that, Anthony, since we got to be such good friends last night?"

Edward's eyes widen before he nods like he's trying to be slick.

This is not going well. "Oh, yeah, JJ... Abrams..."

_Well, shit._

"JJ Abrams?" my mom asks, staring me down. "How... sweet."

"Yeah, well, Lost was awesome," I reply defiantly.

"Fricken A!" Emmett chimes in, holding his hand up for a high five which I dutifully slap.

"So, are your boyfriends going to be jealous that you two are such good friends now?" she asks, going right in for the kill. She turns her stare on Edward, and he sinks lower in his chair. He's not prepared for the stare of Esme. She's got a lot of love, but she can also turn things to stone with her eyes. "Edward," she says with a smile on her face. She knows that she has won. "Your boyfriend won't mind, I hope?"

Edward side eyes me, but I keep my gaze locked forward. He shakes his head in response.

"What is your boyfriend's name by the way?" she asks.

And, that's the way the cookie mothefuckin' crumbles...

"Edward and Jasper are boyfriends!" Alice yells, and there is a literal swooshing noise as all our heads turn in her direction.

"Alice!" Edward hisses.

"I couldn't take it anymore!" she says dramatically. "We obviously all knew the truth. I was going to have some sort of heart palpitation if this facade kept going!"

"Alice take your pulse," Carlisle says. "Let me go find my stethoscope. Just take deep breaths, okay?" He jumps up from the table.

"No, dad..." Alice calls out after him but he's already out the room. Her jaw clenches and she turns to glare at us, my mom included. "Now, look what you did! He's going to make me take it easy all day. I probably won't even get to go to the beach!"

"Alice," Rose says as she comes back into the room. "Your dad wants to know if you've taken your medicine today?"

"Thanks a lot," Alice snaps sarcastically as she leaves to go reason with her dad.

"Alice sometimes goes into hyperactive fits," Edward explains. "Basically, she overexcites herself."

"She's definitely got energy," Rose agrees as she sits back at the table. "What did I miss?"

Emmett starts laughing but tries to cover it up with a fake cough. "Rose," he says after a moment. "Did you know that your brother was dating Carlisle's son?" he asks her, pretending to be shocked.

Rose puts her hand over her heart. "Well, I never!" she declares a bit too dramatically. We haven't lived in the south in a few years. Her Scarlett O'Hara act is not too believable.

Rolling my eyes at my sister, I decide to just take the plunge and tell my mom the truth. "Everyone knew but you and Carlisle."

"We had every intention of telling you this morning straight off," I tell her. "But then you went and got all interrogation happy on us, so I couldn't back down."

"Why didn't you tell us last night?" my mom asks.

"Seriously?" I ask with a shake of my head. "You dropped this huge bomb on us! We had no idea how to react. Then, when y'all didn't put two and two together about Edward and me, we weren't even sure how to bring it up."

"All we want from you is the truth," Carlisle says as he reenters the dining room with Alice in tow. She's got a cold compress on the back of her neck and a heart rate monitor that runners wear attached to her wrist. She looks pissed.

"We didn't mean to lie about it!" Edward says, finally finding his voice. "You were so hard on Jasper when you found out he was dating his roommate. We knew you were going to have a fit if you found out that I was also your boyfriend's son!"

"I didn't mean to be hard on Jasper," my mom says, losing her tough act for the moment. "I just think you two are too young to be living together."

"Rose got married when she was like twenty!" I argue.

"Yeah, and she pretty much threatened to disinherit me if I went through with it," Rose says.

"Esme!" Emmett chides. "I thought you were my dawg?"

"Ew, Em, don't say dawg," Rose snaps with a shake of her head. "She wasn't happy about it Jasper. Mom freaked for real."

"I..." my mom pauses and takes a deep breath. "I didn't want Rose to make the same mistakes I did. I don't want that for you either Jasper."

"Mom-"

"No, JJ, please listen to me. I got pregnant by your father at a very young age, and my parents forced me to marry him. I felt trapped, and then a few years later, terrified of him. I still..." she trails off. Carlisle puts his arm around her, giving her support. She strengthens a little with him beside her, and I'm suddenly not so uncomfortable by their relationship anymore. I can see just by such a small touch of his arm that he gives my mom something she's been missing in her life. All I want is for her to be happy. I want her to want that for me as well.

"You are both so young, and living together is such a huge step," she continues after a moment. "You need to mature and be old enough to make that decision after a lot of thought and communication. It's not fair to either or you or your relationship that you just got thrown into living together."

"Mom, please don't take this the wrong way," I tell her, "but I'm not you. And, it has taken a lot of time, but I know that I'm not dad either. Edward has helped me overcome my fears of the anger that I thought for sure was lurking inside of me. I'm still scared sometimes, but I trust myself with Edward."

Edward grabs my hand and intertwines his fingers with mine. "I was so closed off for so long after mom died," he starts, squeezing my hand, "that I didn't even realize I was gay. And, even though we live together, Jasper has given me all the time in the world. We didn't just jump into anything because we lived together. Our relationship has developed slowly."

"Really slowly," I add.

Edward laughs. "Really slowly," he agrees. "Nothing about us has been brash or without thought."

"Living with Edward has given me no choice but to open up and be myself. I haven't been so honest with another person in years. And, we are really working on communication," I say, pleading our case.

"Totally," Edward says, nodding his head.

Carlisle and my mom start whispering to each other, giving us glances every now and again. Finally, after what seems like forever, my mom says, "Okay."

I think my heart was pounding to hard to hear her correctly. I might be in shock. Someone get me one of those weird silver blankets!

"Okay?" I ask, needing clarification.

"We think that this week will be a good time to let bygones be bygones," Carlisle states, looking at everyone at the table. "We are all going to be honest with each other and get to know each other as well."

"We're sorry for the way we acted. We didn't reveal our relationship to you kids in the right way. We hope that y'all can take this week and come to respect and be okay with us as a couple," my mom adds.

"It's weird because you two are our children, but we realize that you are more mature than we were giving you credit for. We want to get to know you two together as a couple as well," Carlisle says.

My mom takes a deep breath. "I'm not crazy about y'all living together, but being that the school year is practically over, I'm going to deal with it."

"Wow, mom, thank-"

"For now," she interrupts me. "Next year, you two are in separate dorm rooms."

Edward and I look at each other. He squeezes my hand and I nudge him with my knee. It's a quick and silent agreement that we better take the deal they put out on the table.

Besides, we all know that even if we aren't living in the same room, we still be spending most nights together.

Some things are just better left unsaid.

"Deal," we say in unison.

"Thank God that is all over," Rose sighs. "Can we go to the beach already?"

* * *

**Ahhh! **

**That's all folks! I have a tiny epilogue coming up that I've ALREADY WRITTEN. That's right. No wait. I'm going to post it tomorrow or Monday. I'll see you then with the epi and a nice long, annoying AN. Love you all for your patience. I hope you'll let me know what you thought. :) **


	33. Edward & the Epilogue

**Well, here we are. The epi. I will have more to say at the end... of course. lol**

* * *

**One Year Later**

It feels like forever since we were here last for that strange Jerry Springer-esque Spring Break. Even though Jasper and I met each other first, it seemed to feel a little incestuous those first few days, especially since our parent's seemed to be stuck in the lovey dovey stage.

I don't ever want to hear my dad say _snookums _again. I feel a little ill just thinking about it now.

We got through it though, and at the end of the week, we were one big fucked up family. We were the American dream, _Y2K style_.

We went back to school, pushed our beds together and really enjoyed the rest of the school year. We never wanted summer to come, if you can believe it.

But, of course, it did and we braced ourselves for the separation.

Except, it never came.

Because we moved to Portland. My dad had apparently been pimping himself out to some East Coast hospitals on the sly... that little medical slut.

Our parents bought a new house together, one with _more _than enough bedrooms that our arguments to just share were immediately shot down. We were still together, though, and that is what really matters.

Also, our parents both work... a lot, and the new house had a pool.

_It was a good summer. _

When we got back to school, we had to live in different dorm rooms. Jasper's roommate though practically lived at his girlfriend's apartment, so we had the room to ourselves.

"I love the beach," Jasper says as he walks up behind me, wrapping his arms around me.

"Yeah, it feels clean, you know? Like the tide comes in and takes all the bad out with it," I agree, resting back into this embrace.

Jasper kisses me on the neck. "I like that," he whispers in my ear. We stand together on the deck, our eyes on the ocean. A warm sense of calm washes over me.

"JJ let go of him! You're wearing linen!" Rose yells, breaking my peace, and Jasper reluctantly releases me.

We turn to find Rosalie and Alice standing behind us, both dressed in summery peach dresses. Rose is man handling a clip board and Alice is waving her flower filled hands all over the place, telling people where to go. She looks like those guys with the cones at the airport.

"So what?" Jaspers replies with a roll of his eyes.

"Linen wrinkles so quickly," Alice says. "I did not iron both of your pants for thirty minutes each for you to have them all wrinkled up in five seconds."

"But, why are we wearing linen pants anyway?" Jasper asks with a huff. "What's wrong with board shorts?"

"Board shorts?" Rosalie shrieks.

Alice walks over, all tiny and intimidating, and I am man enough to admit that I take a step back or two. "This is a wedding, Jasper! A WEDDING!"

"I know that-"

"You can not wear board shorts to a wedding!" she all but growls.

"But, it's at the beach-"

"That's why you're wearing linen!"

"But-"

"If you say 'but' one more time, you will regret it," Alice replies through gritted teeth.

"Our pants are unwrinkled, Al. We promise they will remain that way," I say, immediately pulling Jasper away before my sister murdered him over a few wrinkles.

"Pussy," Jasper calls me with a shake of his head.

"Do you want me to find you some?" I ask. "I'm sure I can find myself a hot half-naked guy around here if you want to go on the prowl for some boobies."

Jasper's eyes glow with playful jealousy. "Don't even kid with me, Edward. I don't want to have to go all kung fu on some gnarly surfer dude."

"You would give them a Jean Claude judo chop?" I ask with a laugh.

Jasper does some moves that might resemble martial arts if you squinted and were watching from upside down between your legs. "Looking good, Jackie Chan," I lie.

"I'm so hot I burn the sand's feet," he says, and I can't help but laugh.

"You are so full of yourself. I don't know what to do with you."

"This is a wedding. You're supposed to get all misty-eyed and love me," he replies with a wink.

"Yeah, right," I scoff. "We both know you're the one who cries at weddings!"

"Listen, are you ever going to let me live that down. I was really invested in their relationship!" he whines.

I start to laugh. "It was Doctor Who!"

"You cried when Tennant came back to Rose," he reminds me.

"Yeah, well, that was moving!" I say with a nod of my head. "Hey, and they were on the beach... how fitting."

"He didn't have to wear linen," Jasper grumbles.

Laughing, I add, "But, he didn't have Rosalie and Alice as sisters. We stand no chance... sweetie."

"Edward!"

"Don't cry about it!" I joke.

"Shut up!" Jasper demands with a laugh.

"Boys," my dad says, walking up to us. He looks quite handsome in his matching linen pants and white button up shirt. He has a vest though, and it's the only thing Jasper claims he likes about these clothes.

I totally saw him checking out his ass in the mirror earlier, though. He didn't seem to be too disappointed in what he saw. I'll tell you what, I wasn't either. He looks fucking good.

"Are you two ready?" my dad asks, a giant smile on his face. He hasn't stopped smiling since we got here.

"Yep," Jasper replies with a nod of his head.

I smile at my dad. "How many people are out there?"

"Around fifty," he says, sounding a bit nervous.

"It'll be great," I assure him.

He looks at me for a moment without saying anything and nods his head. "I know," he agrees. "It's perfect, really."

"I'm happy for you," I tell him sincerely.

He smiles at me before pulling me into a tight, wrinkle-causing hug that Alice would definitely not approve. "I love you so much," he says to me. He then, hugs Jasper as well. "I love you too, Jasper," he says to my boyfriend.

It makes my heart happy.

With that, he turns and makes his way to the front, taking his place next to the Pastor. Before I follow him out there and Jasper goes to find his mom to walk her down the aisle, I ask, "Are you ready, brother?"

He makes a face. "Gross, Edward."

I laugh. "What? What's wrong, brother?"

Jasper shakes his head. "That's fucked up."

"You're right, bro, it is-"

He shuts me up with a kiss.

"Edward," he warns.

"Jasper," I say his name in the same tone. He quirks his eyebrow but doesn't say anything else. I can't help but smile. "I'll see you in a few," I say.

He nods and turns back toward the house. I can't but help to add, "Brother."

"Fuck you, Edward!" he says without turning back around.

"Promises. Promises," I call back to him.

"You know I'm good for it," he replies, and he's right, I do.

* * *

**So, yeah... that's the end. Phew. It has taken me a lot longer to finish this than I ever thought it would... like EVER, but I'm happy that I got here. I enjoyed writing these two boys, and I hope you enjoyed reading it. Thank you to everyone who has been reading and reviewing. There are so many of you who have stuck with me from day one. To Al, Sarah, Posy, Mar, Heidi... and anyone else who lent me a beta eye, you have no idea how much I appreciate you. To the folks from back in the day of the WC, I enjoyed writing with you. To the girls on the thread when there was a thread, it was fun. haha. **

**It really makes me happy that I've gotten such positive feedback as I wrote this story and that so many people have enjoyed it. Thank you for your support. **

**Well, there are a few outtakes if you haven't read them, but that's all I have. :) **

**Nicole**


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